Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

May 29, 2007

The Full Report.

I’m home after a really busy day, then German class, then wolfing down some of yesterday’s left overs. I’m wondering if you can get jet lag cause I should be totally tired, but I’ve just suddenly woken up. I think it is because I have spent the weekend in Hamburg again and everyone there wakes up at night on the weekend.

Saturday Night.
If I told you that I my friend Livia took me to a porno Karakoe show where my friend Seb was judging dressed as a Gay Gyneocologist and there was a Man dressed as a Gorilla with a huge erect penis who raped a Polish version, who then tied her up to a neon cross, then cut her off with some scissors and then the Polish virgin took the scissor and cut the dick of the gorilla-man and out sprayed mini glitter disco balls all interspersed with weird ditties in german by a woman in pink hair with rubber vaginas sewn to her breasts and knees you probably would wish I had invited you too. Only I didn’t know what I was gonna see until I got there.

Mariola Brillowska – artist of all descriptions and the producer of the whole show Grand Prix D’Amour.

The weird side show. The gorilla man is about to cut the Polish virgin off the cross. Then get de-dicked.

The porno karaoke. On the left hand side of the screen the faces of competitors form the audience are displayed while they create sound effects for and narrate snippets of old super 8 porno movies shown simultaneously on the right.

After the show, Livia and I went and got fries on the Reeperbahn on the way to the Pudel. In German I ordered a Coke. Instead I almost got a sausage. I swear my French is way better. At the Pudel it was pretty ordinary. Eurokai was playing Techno til he passed out. He nearly took me with him on the way with that boring music. No offence.

Sunday Day.
Slept late and well, even though it was on a small serviette in the corner of Seb’s living room to the tones of Seb snoring. Later, Seb cooked scrambled eggs. The best in the world. Then we called Ralf cause I needed a haircut.

Ralf. He is the programmer at The Pudel, and awesome DJ, he used to also be a stylist for magazines like Stern, Vogue and i-D. Ralf also has the coolest hair. His own style is pretty extreme, but he really knows his business. His grandfather was a hair dresser and his father too. Ralf is part of my German family.

Here is Ralf’s hair cutting chair inside his salon called DAMEN SCHWEINER HERREN [Women Pigs Men].

Sunday Night.
We went to Hatari my new favourite restaurant place in Hamburg. Basically it is just like an American diner menu – hot dogs and burgers – except German. Wurst and Burgers with sauerkraut and senf. YUM. I was also reunited with my old friend:

But look what the Germans did to him.

From the table in Hatari we could see some local brothers laying down their vocals in their studio in the building opposite. For a moment there I almost thought I was in 8 Mile.

Then later there was DJing at the Pudel. The usual mayhem. Three hours sleep.

Oh my God. Sorry to get distracted but I’m watching Law and Order Detective Benson is dressed up like she got dressed at Cyberdog undercover with glowsticks looking for a missing policemans daughter. Oh God. AMAZING!

And in other news – while shouting epithets like “Moscow isn’t Sodom” and “Death to Gays,” neo-Nazis beat the singer from Right Said Fred Richard Fairbrass. I’m sure there have been many times many of us would have liked to have given him a slap cause of his one hit wonder but it wasn’t cause he’s gay. Tatu’s song “Not Gonna Get Us” didn’t save them from getting beaten as well. Even though they faked being gay, got hated on for then admitting they are straight, but now support gay right issues is Russia to polish their image.

Oh God. Now in Law and Order Ice T is going to beat the crap out of a pimp. Gotta go and check this. [I mean do you remember how Ice T was in the movie New Jack City where he points his gun at Nino Brown and said the classic line "I wanna shoot you so bad my dick is hard!!"]

xx Lektrogirl

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