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June 21, 2010

PERFECT EXCEEDER

One minute giving up on life ferreting my way into the bottom of the trash can of life, next minute jumping round a tennis court like an over sexualised L’Oreal advert singing this to myself:

[although if you are going to be wearing a purple lycra play suit, i think it should fit like a pam hogg glove a little more don't you?]

This morning I am particularly excited because the Lesbians are getting married. They came to my wedding and stood up at the wrong moment like they were gonna get married so here we have destiny fulfilling prophecy. I am sitting here feeling a little bit nervous and butterflies for them actually [or is it the management accounts I have to produce by 12pm today as well?]

Now here is a bit of highbrow gossip for you: an ex poet laureate – you know a poet appointed by the government who is supposed to write a poem when something like a coronation or a war or something major happens when they are appointed – apparently went up to some woman at a party and said to her with fierce intensity in an attempt to seduce her “You look like the kind of woman who has a cunt of fire.” When Mrs Kipling told us that yesterday all babes there were a mixture of errrgh and hahaha and jokes about volcano tits and fireman’s hoses quickly followed. I really hope that poet laureate managed something a little better for the Queen than that! The last time I had a cunt of fire I had thrush from using a weirdly lubricated condom. TMI but seriously URGH!

This week is shaping up to be a good one already – a wedding, The Phene Arms in Chelsea is opening tonight – who wants to come? – Valeria is sleeping over and interviewing me about internet dating and I suspect some more lame at names content, the hot lawyer from work is coming to give the girls some training, julia from upstairs is having a party [drinking on the fire escape with views of mayfair anyone?] and crikey it’s almost Saturday again already.

Life is good when it’s good. Don’t worry guys, I will be back to my usual miserable self at any time undoubtedly.

P.S. Just FYI, let’s not forget my nickname in Hamburg is Platinum Pussy BTW. I don’t want you all to think I have a problem fanny.

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