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June 13, 2010

SPECTACULAR FAIL

I got up today to make some ANZAC biscuits which all of you know I can make but somehow today after being told by Mrs Kipling “You can bring a cake so long as it is in the shape of a tennis racquet” and deciding that ANZACS would be easier and more suited to gate crashing tennis I ruined them spectacularly. Which if my sister heard about she would have reason to think I was an utter retard. Given recent events then I just find it quite hilarious and cant stop chuckling to myself about it since throwing the first tray of deformed lumps and mixture into the bin wishing it would make things better, no worse, to call her and say “Now look at what a loser I really am.”

I got another email from Dad

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 12 June 2010 05:07
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: How to speak Womanese

YEAH YER MA IS BACK IN A VERY GROUCHY MOODFROM TEXTING YOU AND FERRET, GOING CROOK ABOUT YOU AND sARAAGIN EACH OTHER. sEEMS MY OFFER TO USE MY HALF OF THE HOUSE TO BACK you financially got up their nose,so I told her w.t.f. you are leaving your half of MY estate to your favourite daughter, S.F. WHAT She carried on like a right pork chop. F.EM. MATE, i’VE GOT ENOUGH TROUBLES OF MY OWN
wOT WAS YOUR BOSS DOIN SITTING IN HER OFFICE IN HER KNICKERS?Sounds a bit strange. I mean most working women wear knickers when sitting in their offices but they got dresses on over?
The way you’ve written it it looks as if XXYOUR BOSSXX WAS DEVOID OF OUTER CLOTHING? trike me lucky,anew client walks in so you introduce her as ‘the knickere ldy. etc.Hope you told Ferret that one She’d love it.  Cheers me old mate. Peple here are slipping off into the other world very silently, never asking my permish. I wish I could, I’m sick of your cliping nagging fuckin mother , She’s a dead spit of her dead fatherand he alway was a dead crunt, mate. aCTUALLY THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE IS, F.T.C’s.LOCK/ I keep forgetting you ae on a change of medication, ya poor little bugger.my wittering about our family squabbles can’t be of great verve to you.I always think of you as the one Sane blighter of the women in my life, but I am still sorry to witter at you.Cheers anyhow mate CDEFGABCDEF-NEARLY TWO OCTAVES! S.F.W.She said?Cheers yer pa wot luvs yer and FERRET.XXXXXXXX YER DAD.

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It’s just all fucking nuts. Personal therapy moment turns me to my iTunes play list called “Feeling It” on shuffle:

Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss – The Bloodhound Gang
Brilliant lyrics!

Body Into Use (Russ Chimes Remix) – The Millioners
FEELING IT

Rock with You – Basto!
So much wrong with the guy in this video

Bonkers – Dizzee Rascal
AVH connection

Call On Me – Eric Prydz
You should watch this video for the actually horrendous “LIVE ON TOP OF THE POPS” that it is…

Cry For You – September

I’m Ready – Kano
VIBES!!!

New Breath – Kap Bambino

Nympho – DJ Assault
“Yeahhhh it feels good…”

Paradise Slugs – Venom & The Tempest
No video. Shame.

Regulate – Warren G

Sandstorm – Darude
I have a very fond memory of this song walking through Whitechapel with Jacob Ciocci and a big bus came by blaring the song out. Very spiritual.

Soca Good Vibes – PBD
No video either. Shame.

Windowlicker – Aphex Twin

Anyway my hands reek of melted butter and golden syrup.

Bye.

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