Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

August 14, 2011


From: emma@hello!bonjour!willkommen!.com
To: mayor@london.gov.uk
Subject: I have never told you before, but this is what I would like to happen.

The Mayor would like to thank you for your interest in his work and he is keen to answer your query as quickly and fully as possible. As you will appreciate, he receives a very large amount of correspondence but he is committed to responding to your query within 20 working days.

However, the Greater London Authority (GLA) will only respond to queries that relate to its work and will refer relevant queries to the appropriate functional body for them to reply. Transport related queries will be referred to Transport for London (TfL).

Please note that the GLA does not accept unsolicited job applications or CVs. Information on current vacancies is available on our website at: http://www.london.gov.uk/jobs

Thank you for taking the time to write to the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson.

Yours truly

Public Liaison Unit

I will report back of course if I get a reply within 20 days after I have investigated whatever happened to my Silpat silicon baking sheet for making stuff out of my Alain Ducasse book. Then, if the Mayor has got back to me (the job of Mayor has not been post BTW on their jobs section) and see how we get on in a bezzie mates kind of way I want to propose something to him which is probably the one thing that pisses me of THE MOST about general London life… STANDING POSTIONS VS WALKING POSITIONS ON THE TUBE PLATFORM.

During rush hour it is simple:

Look down the platform with the wall on your left and the tracks on your right. Divide it into 4 bands.

Against the wall: Stand here if you are waiting for someone, waiting for the third train or so to come along, if you are having a drink or sandwich, checking a map to taking a break. i.e. If you aint going anywhere soon, stand here.

Next band: Use this space for walking if you have left the tube and are moving to another platform or exciting the station. If you need to stop and check yourself or your mates, casually step against the wall and wait for your mates there.

Next band: Use this space if you are moving down to use the full length of the platform because you want to get on the next available tube that comes along. Clearly you know where you are going. You dont need to stop?

Finally, the band most near the yellow line: You are getting on the next available train.

Metal note to all: Walk down the platforms in a reasonable pace, in single file. Dont stop and block other people, just step to the side. There are other people coming up behind them. You are causing an obstruction. AKA a pain in the arse.

I would like to see that some kind of notice is handed out to all passengers on flights landing in the UK along with the safety card. I am sure people in the Eurostar could also take a moment to absorb this info. Locals should be made aware of this information with posters in the tube and placement in the Metro.

Cause really, getting stuck behind some Subway munching person while I get a pram up my arse is really not a strong look for summer, now or in 2012. Think about it.

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