Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

May 4, 2009

INCOMPREHENSIBLE

James Chorley? Can this be true!!??

December 2, 2008

IN THE WORDS OF R. KELLY

It has been a while since I spoke of my greatest musical hero R. Kelly – it seems he has been on the downlow of late – he doesn’t need to be putting out quite so many hits to pay his lawyers as he thought he might a while ago?! Anyway – as I have been strolling round Zurich and now back in London I have had the lyrics to one of his songs stuck in my head:

[Verse 2: R. Kelly]
Ima Ima Ima Ima flirt
Thats right I tell the truth and the whole truth
When it come to hoes I be pimpin like i supposed to,
rollin em like I supposed to, shinin like I supposed to
In the club fuckin wit honeys like i supposed to
I dont understand when a nigga bring his girl friend to da CLUB
Creppin all ova the floor wit his girlfriend in da CLUB
And wonder why all these playas tryna holla at her
Just soon as she go to the bathroom nigga Ima holla at her
A dog on the prawl when im walkin through the mall
If I could man I would probably flirt wit all of yall
Yea- yea homie you say she yo girlfriend
But when I step up to her, Ima be like tarzan
Believe me maine this is how dem playas do it in the CHI
In plus we got them playette foolers in the CHI
Now the moral of story is cuff yo bitch
I’m black, handsome, I sing, cause Im rich and Ima flirt

Now – the last two lines should be enough to confuse to the whole world why a pseudo feminist like me is in love with R Kelly. But there you have it encapsulated – R Kelly is my kind of guy.

xx Lektrogirl

July 26, 2008

BODY KISS


When doves cry.

I have been listening to nothing by The Isley Brothers for the last couple of days. I reckon I could be a great mini cab driver soon. I just have to be able to deal with the smell of those trees. Anyway there are two songs you really need to check out – one is called “I Like” written by and featuring R Kelly and Snoop Dogg. The other one is called “Body Kiss” which is a slow, sexual and spiritual jam that is like flies caught in syrup on a hot day – it is sweet and sickly – especially the kissy noises that Ronald does through the song and L’il Kim sounds real husky and dirty too even though they have put auto tuner on her vocals. Amazing. LOL. Amazing delivery by Mr Biggs. His voice is exquisite. Slow jammer. See I told you I should be a mini cab driver.

Not like the poor pigeon above which is more like the state of my life than the vibes going on in an R&B jam. Having said that, I had an amazing time last night. In a suspect outfit I met with Mr Chips, The Cardinal, Jappers and Bird Cage and went to Cocadisco for some above and below the waist dancing. There I saw SPENNY TUNGATE OMG – he is the greatest dancer – gave myself serious bruises fisting Rachel and got spit on by Paul Pieroni who was doing really incredible floor skids. I was super impressed.

Julianiswatching was also there and looked like a cheese string on the dance floor and pulled some pretty impressive shapes. He’s a super sexual dancer!! I would want to be his friend if he didn’t spend the whole night inferring I was fat by trying to tickle me all night. There are only two places I’m ticklish and one of them is my inner thigh. The other is more available to the general public so I’m not going to tell. Though my father was a big one for tickles so I spent my childhood years developing the power of mind over matter as an invisible force field for tickle threats.

Earlier in the evening I had a really interesting conversation with James and Amph keeping my eye on what is really important. Here we see the guys eye to eye discussing man to man stuff.

Even earlier in the day, Carri came to see me at the shop. I made her pose for hours while I worked out the flash on the camera that Mrs Kipling has leant me.

Don’t think she found it such a chore. When other visitors came in to see me I had to kick them all out cause we were having a really good conversation about tummy rolls and the best meal deals from KFC. Carri and I are high rollers you may have noticed. No fucking junior spesh for us for one pound fifty.

Genuine good times. So much fun! God yesterday turned out to be WWIICCKKEEDD.

Probably cause I went and had a proper dinner for a change at The Giaconda Dining room. It is on Denmark Street. It is so good. I had tuna, puy lentils – everything you see pictured here. People at a nearby table were saying rather loudly “Why is she taking pictures of her food?” so I bogged them out hoping to give one of them a dirty look, but they were too busy talking about me they didn’t look back over. They were saying that people who blog food are good for recommendations of restaurants on the internet. If I could recommend any place in London right now, it would have to be The Giaconda Dining room. I can’t wait to go back again.

xx Lektrogirl

July 23, 2008

MY DREAM

My intense sleep therapy is finally budging my cold. When I cough it doesn’t sound like a have a lump of phlegm the size of a small octopus in my throat. The other bonus is that I have started to have dreams again. All the time. About all kinds of things. Sometimes based on midnight phone conversations I have had. Other times just random stuff.

I dreamt I was back at school with friends. I had been expelled but was determined to stay for as long as possible to learn more and eat the free food. As I walked up a hill into a forgotten building, I saw a man who had the most beautiful face. He asked me if I needed saving. We spoke very closely to one another so that I could feel his breath on my face. We kept out conversation secret from a short woman. I told him I did and we left together. Then we walked into a street market where there were strands of seaweed for sale. He had become a woman and was no longer the calm beautiful person I met.

The thing is, I keep dreaming about seaweed ALL the time at the moment. And it always looks the type of seaweed. Apparently to see seaweed in your dream, suggests that you need to rely on your intuition and trust your instincts.

As for the slug in the photo above – I don’t think I would trust him. He was getting along really fast. Slugs are meant to be slow right?

Music I’m listening to right now:

R Kelly vs Ginuwine IN THOSE JEANS. [Two Homies for the homos.]

There is someone out there who makes this internet thug cry something terrible.

xx Lektrogirl

May 30, 2008

R KELLY UPDATE

From Chicago Tribune Online:

May 29, 2008 3:01 PM: Tale of the tape: Video expert testifies

If you ever wanted proof that forensic investigative techniques are just not as interesting as they appear on TV dramas, this last witness is your guy.

George Skaluba, a video analyst with the forensic unit of the FBI, spent the better part of an hour and a half Thursday discussing the various ways that videotapes are produced, reproduced, analyzed, morphed, doctored and damaged.

We call it the “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Videotapes Plus An Hour More” testimony.

He used more technical terms than helpful in a blog, and ultimately concluded the following:

1) The tape is not an original, and he doesn’t know what generation tape it is.

2) The more you copy a tape, the more the quality and clarity of the video deteriorates.

3) It was not a good-quality tape.

4) The copy he reviewed didn’t appear to be altered, but the original may have been.

5) To morph the faces and images in the 27-minute video (think “Little Man”) was possible, but it would take “years” and would be “very, very difficult because of the length” of the tape. On top of that, he said, it would likely be easily identifiable.

Azam Ahmed

May 27, 2008

TODAY SUCKED

For no particular reason, today sucked cause I had loads of errands and stuff to catch up on by have spent the day in a come down from the weekend. I feel like I’ve been wandering around in a daze all day. On the plus side, there are only a few days left to the weekend! Hopefully by then I will have cleaned the trailed by various house guests which started last week and my iTunes will like me again: I put on the shuffle play and the songs that played were all hating on my personal body energy and made me feel even weirder.

Nothing new to add to the coverage of the R Kelly court case of any consequence. However I just wanted to let you all know that it was not a case of mistaken identity on March 22nd when the Police arrested a woman who screamed “Free R. Kelly” at jurors in the R&B singer’s child pornography trial as they stepped off an elevator near the courtroom.

Police immediately grabbed the woman who was later confirmed as Debra Triplet and led her away in handcuffs. The judge in the case later ordered the mother of three held on contempt charges in lieu of $50,000 bond.

I definitely wasn’t me – I was at the George and Dragon listening to Pippa DJ as I reported earlier last week.

Caz will vouch for me.

Anyway – I have to go now cause I’ve still got some chores.

xx Lektrogirl

May 22, 2008

I’M A BEAST

One of my favourite R Kelly tracks is “I’m A Beast”. But is he?

So following the R Kelly trial on the Chicago Tribune Video’s I note with interest the advertisement linked with the video is from a bedding company with images of little children bouncing all over the mattresses. Please no.

Here is the incredible coverage of the most important show business story since God only knows when.

So some important information relevant to the case:

Apparently the man in the video who is allegedly R Kelly does NOT had a mole on his back which is clearly visible on the real R Kelly.

Also Backstreet Boys are playing in the background when the alleged sex acts took place. I mean durrr… Wouldn’t R Kelly play R Kelly?!

Sad to note:

R Kelly is really a bad dresser. He isn’t a P.I.M.P. at all in the courthouse. He should have gone to Savile Row.

xx Lektrogirl

May 2, 2008

THERAPY

I don’t know if anyone has picked up on this at all but I LOVE R Kelly. It used to be that Showdown was my ultimate favourite track by R Kelly, but I’ve really got into some other tracks of his that I will share with you today. My advice is listen to them when you have a bad headache cause I find them really therapeutic.

I’m A Beast (Dirty)

I imagine Alex T also sings this song when he gets up in the morning.
Like Snoop Dogg did, it seems Kels has dabbled with the T-Pain style voice box vocals.

There is no denying that this is another one of R Kelly’s epic tracks.

Real Talk (Dirty)

‘I aint gave no-body no damn money, girl. Are you tweaking??!!’A brilliant slow jam that takes you on a great journey. Oh, the trials and tribulations of and R&B legend’s love life. ‘And the next time your ass get horny you can go fuck one of your funky assed friends. Hell, you probably doing that shit anyway!’

Real Talk (Dirty) Juke Remix

I LOVE R KELLY

xx Lektrogirl

April 30, 2008

I CAN’T WAIT

Isn’t Christmas fantastic?

xx Lektrogirl

April 26, 2008

UPDATE

Today is another day of remembrance. It was with great sadness I received the news from Philippa this morning that Jamal the blind cat has passed away. I shed a few tears from my feather down pillows in his memory. Yesterday it was just tears of pain from the Cava hangover.

In a Cava induced stupor:

P.S. Please don’t hate me cause I’m such a babe.

Captain Morgan was a lot friendlier to my system last night which I drank in the company of Alex T, The Cardinal and Amph who Alex T and I called Bongo more than anything else last night. I’m still laughing about the man in the off licence on Brick Lane who gave directions to the nearest ATM as being ‘Go down derre. Long way.’ to Amph and I. The best joke EVER. Can I also say, Amph has the most amazing thighs? He tells me that his family are from Ghana which reminded me of Hugofreegow’s flickr pics

And as Alex T and Amph spent most of the night wrestling while scantily dressed women played musical statues I wasn’t too difficult for me to place Amph in some of those funny wrestlers undies.

OMG and now you have to work out what happened to who for yourselves:
There wasn’t much else left to the imagination after XXCENSOREDXX got a stiffy after XXCENSOREDXX whispered in XXCENSOREDXX’s ear “I can’t wait to see your cock”. I mean they are as homo as each other…

We all drank so much that we all started to look like this at the end of the night:

So I hope today that the sunshine will treat me well today as I need the Vitamin Sun beauty treatment to be babed out for tonight. I am DJing at my old friend Molly’s birthday party from 10pm at the Alphabet Bar on Beak Street in Soho. I’m not allowed to play any ‘black music’ so it will be all italo, pop, disco etc. Which is a great shame as I have been showing a lot of face to R Kelly’s Hairbraider track. A beautiful slow jam.

So in summary, this is my life right now:

xx Lektrogirl

January 22, 2008

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

As I go through the piles of random stuff I have stored away in all sorts of places [rent books from when I lived in the homeless persons unit paying 6 pounds per week rent, passport photos and flyers from parties I DJ's at around Europe for example] I have had some wonderful things to think about in my head from – and I’m sure it will suprise many of you – the incredibly spiritual DJ Venom.

Just now he hit me up with an email:

“Philippa’s the brunette Cat Blanchett [sic]. Discuss?”

I could only reply that there was nothing to be said cause it is true.

Last night I was asked “Describe Prancehall.”

The only response I could think of was “The best thing to happen to UK Grime in the last two years.”

Jo Mitchell also phoned me so we were able to discuss in detail Denzel Washington in the movie Training Day. Her favourite part is at the beginning where Denzel flicks all the switches in his car for the hydraulics and Dr Dre comes on the sound system. I prefer towards the end where Denzel looses it a bit and cried out into the ghetto streets “King Kong’s got nothing on me!!” [I wonder if he ad libbed that part?]It is interesting perhaps to note at this point that Rick Ross also refers to his crew as gorillas and there is also the INCREDIBLY SPIRITAL cry R. Kelly makes in his song “Snake” – LIKE TWO GORILLAS IN THE JUNGLE MAKING LOVE !! Totally sexual spiritual vibes.

Anyway this line of conversation referencing big strong men and gorillas leads me to another Denzel Washington movie which I caught the end of on TV last night. WOW! Unbelieveable. I can’t be bothered to get up and find the Heat magazine with the name of the movie in it. But it was about College football in a time where racism towards a black coach was more overt than it is today [maybe]. There were some monkey “jokes” in it and Denzel even threw a banana. But basically good triumphs over evil though someone ends up in a wheelchair in this movie too.

xx Lektrogirl

January 11, 2008

YESTERDAY


With recent events in my life, it has taken me a while to get this thing online. I challenge everyone to nominate a better Facebook Grafitti Artist than Nicholas Abrahams. Here he has depicted a more realistic scene than that depicted on my birthday cake. Even though my mother’s work came from actual photographs of R Kelly and I, somehow Abrahams seems to have captured something MORE. WHAT A GENIUS. I would prefer to think we were sucking car exhaust fumes though from a tailpipe than a bong. Cause I don’t do drugs. Maybe something from a V8 engine machine – maybe like a Ford Cobra

or even this

check the number plate!

Just for your information – cars like this are all over still in Australia.

Yesterday was really a nice chilled out day – except for the part where I got really rained on. I went and met XXCENSOREDXX for coffee at Flat White. Oh the coffee was AMAZING. XXCENSOREDXX was quite jealous I new a number of the staff by name. Then off to snoop through Liberty and see what Spring Summer 2008 collections were in store.

Well!! Forget See by Chloe for this season unless you want to look like a 5 year. There were also a number of dresses that looked sneakily too much like other designers collections – one dress in fact was a total Marni knock off. Besides, you know that the whole collection will be ripped off in H&M and Top Shop by next week.

Marni knock off. I remember seeing the Marni one in a magazine which was grey with the grey painterly brush print thinking “Oh that would look great on a fat girl like me.” I actually really liked the Marni one. Maybe I will make my own dress with a cut off t-shirt and some vintage fabric.

Pussy Pelmet. I can tell you know that this is going to be a big look for AW08 – so you better get some big knickers or your filet mignon’s are going to be available to all and sundry. After Liberty I went to see Pippa at Maison B – I wish I had photographed the page out of the A.P.C. catalogue for SS08 cause there is a practically identical dress to this on a far more sour faced girl, except the dress was even shorter. The print was the same colour as well.

Having said that, there was a lot of REALLY NICE A.P.C. stuff in that look book and I’m waiting for my bag that I ordered when I was over in Paris with Max and Pippa in the A.P.C. studio. BRING IT ON!

So after half of an eclair with Pippa, I went up stairs to see the Noel Fielding painting exhibition. I really didnt like about 98% of it. What I do like is that Tania from Maison Bertaux has started curating these exhibitions in the the upstairs tea rooms. I think it is a really wonderful thing.

Anyway – sorry I’m rambling.

xx Lektrogirl

January 2, 2008

FRIEND FOR LIFE


Jo M might joke over The Denzel and Wesley Snipes and his Private Party to which I’m cordially invited but R Kelly is always going to be my number one guy. He has a song for all seasons. I certainly have a friend in R Kelly.

So, I had a friend who was asked to test Posh Spices Vegan Diet for Closer Magazine. She has to have before and after pictures and you know what they told her? They said she had to come in for the before picture as fat as possible. Like to bulk up. So wrong. I never read those stupid diet things anyway.

And here I am back in London yesterday unpacking my bag.

Still exxxplosive. LOL.

Tonight I’m feeling a bit let explosive fucked up with jet lag but I have had some amazing chats with people online and catching up on all the gossip. Apparently a certain IDM Fanta Pants [I guess though you would call him Tango Pants here] has been bored at home posting shit on loads of peoples blogs and stirring up shit for everyone. I mean – what is going on here people?! Him and my personal hater – both cunts.

Oh speaking of four letter words and the like – the Restaurant Adviser on Facebook wouldnt let me use the word “cum”. I was using it writing a sentence with an Australian accent… I had to spell it properly. I thought that was a bit cheap of them.


Here is the last picture from my Tasmania holiday before I got on the plane.

xx Lektrogirl

November 28, 2007

R KELLY PLEASE RAIN ON ME

I know it is old, but it was so nice to walk into the office this morning and swap R Kelly verses with my assistant Jon. So to all the R Kelly freaks and freaks [YGM] out there let’s all rejoice in the Make It Rain remix.

WHAT A NICE START TO THE DAY

And fuck the fat cunt in the “JOKES ON YOU!!!” slogan t-shirt. He needs to talk to Ruff Sqwad. My people had to have big talks with their people and those boys should be well versed into wassup these days.

AND CHECK THIS:

IT IS GONNA MAKE FOR AN AWESOME AFTERNOON

xx Lektrogirl

August 15, 2007

BIGGEST PLAYA IN DA GAME

Okay – so this is “In Love With a Stripper” with a gang of people representing. I just need to remind you all of the supremecy of my main guy R Kelly. Ignore the others – cause the song is absolutely shit. EXCEPT R Kelly as per usual take the game to another level. He shoots, he scores, and blows the ball through the floor when he slams it down. BOOYAHH. Check the last two lines of his verse referring to 1] his “dong” and 2] his head. Oh yes.

Today I woke up pretty miserable – spent the whole night editing the Shop At Maison B / APC video on my laptop and the whole thing kept corrupting because the file is so massive – maybe my laptop just couldn’t handle the hot babes. I also had a massive fight with Nameless who is totally being a Vortex Of Pain[TM]. Which also left me really really sad. But then I tried again with the video and got that to work and it is looking HOT! I’ll post it when it is ready!

xx Lektrogirl

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