July 15, 2010
July 21, 2009
Bored, I checked out the H&M style guide and came up with this classic outfit. Oh God.
In other news, XXCENSOREDXX told me all about how he gave a blow job to a middle Eastern cab driver. All went well – BUT THE CAB DRIVER STILL CHARGED THE FARE!
June 2, 2009
Something Mum and I were talking about on the phone made me think of this old video and send her the link. So, lets go back in time and watch this video and reminisce about one of the greatest moments in YouTube history.
“Mechanical jack-rabbit for the clit”
May 12, 2009
Ta-Dah! I have an announcement to make.
Valeria and I have been working on a new development called:
We decided that lameatnames.com was going very well, but to be fair to all the people we had collected, we should be also posting ourselves online. As well as creating instead of just collection. And we are equally obsessed with sex, lust and most of all, losing. So we started a thing in wordpress – it isnt really a blog – that is like a skeleton we will fill with blood, sperm and broken hearts to flesh it out. Sadly, we haven’t wuite resolved how we will deal with some of the more recent posts are actually historical – you might be looking for updates but we have been scanning in stuff that gets archives in 2005… actually I don’t know why I said that “to be fair” business. Like who cares? They didn’t.
Anyway, some things about osl.lameatnames.com [osl is said like asshole btw]
DEFINITELY not safe for work [Air Commodore is leaving his job anyway]
DEFINITELY gonna have gross private stuff on there about V & I that you might be too grossed out to inspect [Feel a bit weird about The Cardinal looking - she's such a lady]
So I think I have been clear enough. Something is just nice and nothing too.
Et voila osl.lameatnames.com
May 9, 2009
Errr, thanks for this dude whoever you are via email to an account I never advertise anywhere…
December 12, 2008
Oh God and there I was going to tell you all about the fabulous new FAUND magazine to which V and I contributed as lameatnames.com
FAUND #3, DECEMBER 2008
Handmade, 60 color pages featuring cops and criminals as image-finder guests.
We were asked as criminals cause our host kicked us off for the porn content. Not that surprising really.
Only there isn’t a lot of point cause they think they are sold out already AND WE DON’T EVEN HAVE A COPY. Cry.
You can read about our misery here.
October 9, 2008
Here is an advance warning that this post is not suitable for work.
A friend of my sent a picture of himself getting a blow job because he knows I have an appreciation amateur porn in reference to lameatnames.com
N.B. ALL EFFORTS TO HIDE THE IDENTITY OF PERSONS IN THE PICTURE WAS DONE BY MY OWN FAIR HAND
I had to sit and look at this picture for a long time. And wonder – what is this? – and why don’t I like it. I have nothing against the guy. But I realised I hated the knickers and the tattoo of the girl. Also, I think I can conclude that I am not into Photobooth porn. However, I do appreciate the fact the picture was sent in the first place.
October 1, 2008
FROM MANARA’S FLICKR – another fucking hilarious rant and another reason why I love her:
THAT FUCKING ANNOYING SEX WOMAN ON TV
I put my headphones on immediately. FUCKING CUNT i hate this stupid twat so much she is everything that is wrong with the world today. reinforcing unachievable aspirations, FOR FUCKS SAKE IF YOU CAN’T AN ORGASM THEN FINGER YOURSELF WHILST GETTING BANGED OR GET YOUR MAN TO LICK YOUR PUSSY IT’S NOT HARD. FOR THOSE WHO ARE UNFORTUNATE AND CAN NEVER HAVE THIS, THAT’S THAT A TV SHOW WON’T HELP WILL IT YOU FUCKING VIVACIOUS BUBBLY CUNT. i also hated how she was like ‘oh i have nice shoes, and nice pets, so what’s missing?’ err my shoe kicking you in your fucking cunt? AND she has a boyfriend! i know she’s doing it for the money obv but god. i hate how the female orgasm has been standardised as a tangible, set experience that can be analysed by a tv show. besides, most of the world is conceiving without orgasming, i’d love to see her go to bangladesh and teach village women about orgasms. it’s not like she’s correlating orgasming with power hierarchies or autonomy or anything, the premise it is literally her being unsatisfied with what she’s got and wanting to ~dig deeper~. obviously it’s mainstream tv and it’s going to be shit and offensive but whatever
also i love how in the first ep they watched 2 girls 1 cup lol
Uploaded by s manara on 1 Oct 08, 2.09AM BST.
September 25, 2008
As I keep saying I haven’t been online a lot lately. I have been feeling so shit you really cannot believe. It is my old friend “Lost At Sea Feeling” back again. If you have these times too, then you will understand. Hopefully you do, cause that will mean you are normal. But yeah, I have even thought about killing this blog. I started off not giving a fuck about what I wrote on here and telling great gossips and having a laugh. But has timed has moved on, I have found myself biting my tongue more often and thinking “Fuck should I say that?” and deleting half a paragraph. And that isn’t why I started this blog in the first place. It was never meant to be a music blog, or a look at my H&M outfit blog, or anything, it was just supposed to be my place to sit down and chat away. Rather than have 4 AIM windows open and FB all running at the same time. What I find disturbing is why do I suddenly give a fuck even?
My relationship with my longest love is going through a rocky time. The relationship feels pretty empty and soulless at the moment? Maybe it is the weather? Maybe it wasn’t meant to go on forever? Like the old man at Ed’s bar in Chicago [when he was propositioning me to go back to his house and strip so he could look and not touch] said to Paul and I “You too are good for now. Not forever. Just for now.” I am even looking at jobs back in Australia because I am tired of life with my longest love. City of London – I don’t love you like I used to. But then – maybe it is the people I know and don’t want to know any more that are making me feel less inclined to venture out doors and walk your streets in my big black boots.
God – fuck it – I feel like I am living someone else’s life if I can’t talk about my own here.
It is so weakening getting finger fucked by a guy who “doesn’t want a girlfriend” and the only dicking I got is when they dicked me round. XXCENSOREDXX. What a waste of fucking time. It was in essence, my first lesbian relationship. LOLZ.
In other news: another friend told me once that they never wanted to work with someone on particular types of projects and that she wanted it to be ‘our thing’ – I guess she was having a hating on her particular day. Because now time has passed and indeed the two of them are working on something. I’m genuinely happy for my friend. It has put my nose out of joint tho.
So maybe it is my turn to be the possessive lesbian and I should go round finger fucking women like I was the aforementioned man? HA.
Actually I think it might have more to do with my absolute horror about getting forgotten about which stems from childhood favouritism, my parents not coming to a school party, my father missing my swimming tests, bullied at school etc etc. [a moment to cry folks and could have possibly deleted the whole paragraph] And something I definitely will not talk about here. Unless I’m totally drunk and wearing heels.
And speaking of being a lesbian – Max was apparently having a conversation with XXCENSOREDXX about how much I love cock. It is always a bit uncertain with Max when he has a glass of Rosé in his hand as to whether it is Tourette’s at that moment, or he had it while talking to XXCENSOREDXX, or was serious then or laughing now. Either way I found it funny. He teases me constantly about XXCENSOREDXX and how I should get with him. Personally Pippa and I think it is because Max’s wants to vicariously have sex with XXCENSOREDXX himself. The thing about loving cock – Mum if you are reading this – that is what MAX said not me.
And for the first time ever, I will reveal a XXCENSOREDXX by way of a photographic clue:
He is one of the men in this picture. And I am certain that he must find me so attractive sitting here in hot pink polka dot flannel pyjama bottoms, a Silas red t-shirt, and orange Ralph Lauren sweatshirt I cut into a cardigan, powder blue Falke socks and red Chanel flip flips eating banana muffins I cooked for dinner cause I had nothing else in the house whining about my life. So seriously Max’s match making would be worse for him than me.
Yeah I should go to bed. But before I do:
This is the part of myself I absolutely hate hate hate the most. Compared to everything – all parts of me inside and out. This is it. We can all see that I would make an excellent Christmas ham and where the surgeons knife should go or straw or whatever he would do to get rid of the grossness on the inner AND outer thighs.
Hello friend. We are back together again like we should be and I have no secrets from you.
September 14, 2008
From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 14 September 2008 02:34
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: MY thanks for yr seemingly happier email.
The chapel is in the next room to this comp room, The Chaplain came and smiled at Max and I, then shook her head, wistfully. No hope for we two sinners, mate. Thiugh we are comforted by the thought that if Jesus loved sinners, we are due a bundle of love from the Hairy Ghost. O or off the cross.How’d you get the mozzie bites, Chalie? Not uncovering innappropriately in the park, I hope. Might be the same family of mozzies that bit my arse on V.E.Day at the end of WW1. I scored an A.T.S. SGT. She was on the Victory parade with us ‘Old Soldiers(I was 19 and had four years under my belt including service in Italy. She was my first English blow through. The first was an ancient old Hungarian shiela in the snow in a paddock ioutside Trieste, Northern Italy. Her father was an Italian Mussolini Nazi. H e would have stuck a bayonet up me jacksie if he had found me on top of his daughter. I’m still here, so the bastard didn’t see a mound of snow going up and down in the paddock. T.I.F.I He’s dead now, for sure. So is she, I reckon. She was old enough to be me mother 60 years ago. FARK.
The bloody KIWIS DID US OVER LAST NIGHT AR RUGBY UNION Rhe black bastards. Though to be fair we were in front for the second half but we just hsadn’t got the bottle to finish on top.
Thanks for he email, mate. You’ll never know how much it brightens an otherwise pissy day when YOU commumicate with me. Thanks a lot. Keep up the good fight mate. Tomorrow Might be a better day. We might win the LOTTO.aND THEN WE HAVE TO BE PREPARED That we won’t It’s only muckin foney Cheers E.J. Thanks again. Kuv ex yer ancient DadXXXXX.
August 17, 2008
August 16, 2008
Today was all weird!
And I think that even the dog Coco upstairs is feeling it cause it won’t stop barking.
I was walking along the street today and saw this:
I was on my way to Archgate for the usual but ended up having a falafel instead – a big mistake I thought. Then when I got home, Alex T rang to tell me all about going to an Art gallery and the conversation ended with him promising to punch me in the stomach if I ever got pregnant by anyone which is a sweet relief cause I don’t think I could handle going to the dry cleaner and asking for one of those horrible coat hangers [they also ruin your clothes]drinking gin and eating green paw paw all in a hot bath. I think I would rather have Alex T punch me in the guts as hard as he can. I would even like it if he took a little run up. How that conversation happened I don’t know and on that note we rang off from one another and I went to Waitrose cause I’m cooking a lunch for a friend tomorrow. I hope it turns out good cause he is on a par with the food fascism. I am just as guilty. Though I can’t say what I am making now cause it is meant to be a surprise.
NOT the fire I am about to talk about.
On my way to Waitrose though, an old man scrunched up a piece of paper and set it alight and buried it in a huge pile of dry twigs outside someone’s apartment under an overhanging tree on Magdala Avenue. I just watched him do it. As the flames rose and started licking the tree I was on 999 straight away and calling telling them my story. The owners of the house came out in the meantime and threw some water and kicking the bush stamping out the fire. I went up to them and told them what I had seen the old dude do. He was still sitting at the bus stop watching what was going on. He started yelling that he didn’t do it. The guys from the house were calling him a fucking mental. The fire truck arrived. I needed to poo [sorry TMI!] so I went off to McDonald’s. Etc.
And speaking of weirdness! You’ll never guess who Japper’s fancies like mad!! HOUSE!!! She said he is totally DREAMY! And she said the reason she fancied him is cause he is like EXTREME XXCENSOREDXX. Fucking LOLZAPOLLOZA!! Really good one. I wonder if I have to XXCENSOREDXX more of that.
And in further weirdness, I had a Internet chat with a friend who was in an Internet café at a nudist beach where he was hanging out with his father and his father’s boyfriend. If I thought about it too much, I started tripping.
Anyway I hope you had a happy day everyone cause mine was pretty awesome in it’s own little way. I’m not going out tonight though I was going to go to that thing The Cardinal and Antoinette are going to – bugger what is it called?! Can’t remember.
P.S. I hope you appreciated the nice Flickr finds I have exhibited for you too.
August 3, 2008
So the next link contains explicit sexual content and is not suitable for minors or for the workplace. It is an external link so technically I’m not responsible for the content there.
But check this video of this girl doing herself with a cucumber – and then listen to the ‘lyrics’ of the euro dance track selected to accompany it. An odd juxtaposition no?
And just for the record, a friend came over to drop off the keys to their house so I can check on it while they are travelling. I said “You know I don’t really have anything to talk to you about any more. There isn’t anything I want to tell you.” My friend told me they saw the Sexual Seduction XXX Snoop Dogg video on YouPorn. So I looked at it and it was totally yawn. I just wanted to make it clear that YouPorn is not something I regularly look at.
P.S. this has reminded me of a funny story about an ex with a cucumber, butter and his bum that an ex of his did. Oh GOD mega lols. Some of the stories I have heard. Life is good folks. Life is good.
July 20, 2008
No relation to Alex, and only internet friends cause we never met. But I suspect sneakily from her pictures that we are quite similar.
I have to say a big thank you to Marisa and Sara though who both have commented on the most recent Leica selfportrait that I don’t look ming.
Today has been totes weird. Well let’s make that the last week. I feel like an eaten mango all turned inside out. I had to ask the Fambles to come over and just lie and watch TV with me for a half hour to get some normality back in my day. I spend too much time on my own in this house and end up telling people all kinds of dark things in the middle of the night that are too freaky [in a Rick James kind of way if he was into S&M] or crying over spilt milk.
Went to WORK IT with The Cardinal and Lord Fauntleroy, met up with Carri and bumped into Antoinette. Antoinette and I bragged about the fact we had no bra on each and flashed our boobs to each other then got a bit seductive with the dance moves – not overly though. Please don’t start sending in requests for pictures YGM. I have to say however that if I was to turn that way inclines, Antoinette would be one of the first babes I hit on. Only after drinking a bottle of Malibu myself and plying her with another. Lord Fauntleroy pissed me off again by lecturing me on how shit Garage is and that it isn’t a real dance music cause it is for the waist up only and proper dance music is for the waist down. For dancing like one of the Marley’s. Then he did this very cool dance that illustrated his point succinctly. For such a total nerd he is a pretty special creature. But we both know that we are a total different species to one another so I don’t think we will be going on a date any time soon. Nevertheless he is exactly the kind of friend I need. Except for the part where he told me I was a waist up dancer and he was disappointed. I told him that he was just cramping my style. Please Booty Carrell at this juncture stand up for me cause you know me so well.
OH YERRR AND FUCK ME – who was the cunt who thought it would be a funny idea to play Midnight Request Line or whatever that dubstep horror song is called and ruin my WHOLE party vibes. SO BAD. GIVE IT A FUCKING REST.