Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

July 14, 2008

DELIRIUM / THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #10

I have spent the last days asleep, half awake, dreaming, imagining how I wish life was, dreaming, forgetting again, talking too late to randoms on facebook chats and now I am totally lost. I can’t remember what I really said to anyone and what they really said to me. I would enjoy the feeling if it was accompanied by sore throat and sweaty brow!

I have had some really nice music sent to me [I know a bit weird but I was really into it at 5am the other night]

And I was reminded of some good times good jokes [I reckon I have watched this about 12 times]

I cried in Greek Street but was laughing by the time I got to Frith Street. Then I got to my street and delirium had started in.

Dad sent me another email:

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX.com]
Sent: 14 July 2008 06:24
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: appropos of sfa as usual except it passes the time talking to an intelligent person

One certainly gets tired of listening to the aged cough their lungs up, dribble, talk incessantly of their bowels, aches and pains, their children
who rarely come and see them, the ‘orrible food, much of which appears to have passed thru a human body before,
(like mince on toast, brown, runny, smelly and sits on toast which has wiped a bottom . Suck it and see!. XXCENSOREDXX bloke sounds a bit suss? Not a criticism just a comment in passing. Knowing you, you prolly frighten the shite out of him? He might be a cock virgin? If you end up the duff you can always come home? I’ll sign over my half the house to you so you can borrow some dough to start a business. DON’T GO BRAGGING THAT BIT OF INFO TO YER MA NOR SARA)D,H or i’ll send a witch to give you warts on the private parts
Just eating a bag og Smiff’s chips Original. BUT THEY AINT ORIGINAL because the original used to have twist paper with salt in, nearly 80 years ago. Jesus your old pa is getting a bit aged. Still God’s Chosen, the Pope. is 81, He wears red slippers. I wonder wot colour his drawers are? Dpes the pope have to wipe his bum. or does he have a bumboy?Cheers Darling daughter. Try not to scare shite out of yer dere ol’ dad. Keep safe. PaXXXX

Just for the record I don’t know where The G.A. gets the idea about the getting pregnant stuff from! Totally random. Cause I didn’t say anything about that to him! Jesus. Even my own father calls me a slut. But then everything I learnt about sex I learnt from him anyway. I remember him drawing anatomical diagrams in the columns next to his crossword puzzle for me. I remember also sitting in the dining room when I was a kid listening to Dad in the living room talking to Grandpa talking about all the women they had sex with when they were younger. They thought they were being really discreet but they were both deaf they were practically yelling at one another.

Okay friends I feel that if I go on, I will be writing more than I should and my astrology told me today to be more circumspect… LOL

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. If anyone wants to bring me some food please do.

July 9, 2008

SEX MUSIC PLAYLIST


Roachford: Cuddly Toy

Oh it is big jokes in my crew about the Air Commodore’s mate Dan who’s sex music playlist was the Roachford album featuring Cuddly Toy as recently as 2001. It is claimed he now listens to Grammy award winning John Legend. I wonder if Dan ever listened to Are U Gonna Go My Way by Lenny Kravitz cause it is kind of on the same tip as Roachford.

xx Lektrogirl

Filed: Sex Tagged: Comments (0)

July 8, 2008

GOOD FOR PUNCHING


, originally uploaded by sannah kvist.

My 6 year old nephew called me up tonight to tell me that he has watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles [the movie] on DVD and that he electrocuted himself on the electric fence at his school. He goes to a farm school and gets to check out ducks and sheep and go on hay rides and stuff.

He has burn marks on his fingers like he was snipping at the fence using his fingers as scissors. That will teach him to mess around with electric fences! He said that it felt like his fingers exploded. He sounded pretty impressed with himself. He left out the part his mum told me later that his teachers note home after the incident said he took a long time to stop howling…

I finally saw the end of Dark Habits tonight. Definitely my favourite Almodovar movie in my Almodovar marathon. Another sad ending all about love and loss and longing. Which I think is a theme in everybody’s life – and one of my favourites. Watching a nun wailing at the loss of her love was very satisfying.

Last night’s movie, Matador, that I watched with Covvo was about death and sensuality. About primal urges. Some AMAZING outfits on the lead character – the lawyer who fucks men and kills them by stabbing them in the back of the neck with a specially crafted hair pin that looks not unlike a kebab skewer. Covvo and I knew we were in for a treat in the opening scene of this movie. The lead male character was jerking off to a movie of women being brutally murdered in horror films with just the death scenes having been edited together.

Antonio Banderas was also in this one as a psychic student matador who confesses to the murders of the other two… Banderas was looking pretty hot in his grey sweats on the hospital bed. But in the Almodovar movie Law of Desire he was SUPER HOT. I was really shocked. He has lost a lot with age.

Anyway – in town today picking up the final copy of Dark Habits and walking through Soho I noticed I was flinching whenever anyone moved to quickly through my personal space and it made me feel freaked out like I was gonna get robbed again. Hopefully this will soon pass.

xx Lektrogirl

July 7, 2008

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #7

the cushion is on the chair Dejong’s grandfather died in and he(your ex boy friend!) passed on to me. It is worn and tatty but is big enough to accommodate my arse. I quite often fall into a nap in it. I have had to find another hiding place for me pisso bags, since the pisso sister discovered where I hid rhem. The ‘f’ slag. I wouldn’t pee on her if she was on fire, or touch her knockers if I had rubber gloves on. Jesus a man would have to be hard up.
GLAD YOU’VE GOT SOME GOOD MATES(fuck) Specially Max. Hard to believe that you are so near the house i spent a fair bit of my youth in. All three brothers have climbed the kindof steps around the front door to get into room over the front porch. We were all hell-bent to stick a bit into a bird called Angela. Mrs Shaw’s niece, who was deh-initely a bit of a nymph. I reckon I must have told you about Bob giving her one against her front door(knee-trembler)wehen he heard mum coming up the stairs belo0w him. B ob dispensed his ‘rice-pudding onto the carpet and bent down and covered it with the doormat, before ma saw his antics. Another time the old man heard Peter making his way down to her bedroom, so the ‘old man’ went hell-bent after him some minutes later. When fathwer got to the room he was stunned to find that P had used two frangers in such short time. Good luck to both of them. I’m stuffed if I know why,how, we didn’t put her up the duff. We were eventually invited to her wedding to some poor barstard, though Mrs Shaw gave the three of us a bollocking for getting into a corner with her bottle of Drambhui Liquor! Being young wasn’t real bad. Being old is a bastard!
If you went up the stairs in 55 till you came tho the penultimate flight. you would walk into the kitchen straight in front and the bathroom on the left’ I the corner between the 2 door my old man had puta small shelf about bottom height.One day mum’s maid, one Beryl ENGLEFIELD was poncing about like a horny woman so I hoisted arse up on to the shelf and gave her one. What did I hear but ma plodding up the stairs. Jesus! I managed to do me duty , whipped it out and ducked into the bathroom. I left Beryl there clutching at her skirt and drawers in a bit of a fever. But Ma either decided NOT to see, or thought the scene too distasteful to comment upon, because Beryl returned to work the next day, whereon I finished the job on my own bed. What a bastard yer dear old Popsie was/is?
Lunch calls buddy. We’re in lock down. no visitors until the wog that spewed and crapped about 50% of the inmates subsides.
Thanks 4 the email. made my day, li ttle mate. Cheers, frae yer pa thedirty old b

June 23, 2008

THE BORING ONE

Dear Mathieu

In celebration of our conversation this evening, I have decided to curate a new Blog exhibition called THE BORING ONE with some of my favourite pictures from V aka the ‘boring’ one. Who as you know, I prefer to your last girlfriend known as ‘the boy’. As for poor Julie, I am sure she would prefer to remain out of all of this.

So, for the grand opening of THE BORING ONE, please scroll down to view the pictures I have selected. Which you have already seen a thousand times before.

On curating this exhibition:
I love the internet. I love that people post the post intimate things on there. The most public domain. And then, often in private, thousand of people look at it. Thousands of people could all be looking at it in private all at the same time. It is mind boggling. I love it. There is no privacy any more. I love looking for people’s secrets.

Et Voila.

THE BORING ONE
Photographs by .v


fantôme
Taken on May 26, 2008


Tu as dit laisse-moi te mettre dans un taxi si tu rentres chez toi dans cette tenue tu vas te faire violer et tuer et on retrouvera ton corps au bois de Boulogne.
Taken on April 30, 2008


ce n’est pas privé c’est un portrait/ I need you to hold on while the sky is falling
Taken on September 8, 2007


Taken on January 2, 2008


laideur fascinante de la décoration des hôpitaux
Taken on January 11, 2008


DSC09767
Taken on January 11, 2008


DSC08439
Taken on November 30, 2007


that night I fell asleep with the light on
Taken on October 4, 2007

June 15, 2008

POST SMOOCH

Well after being smooched to death a little while ago [but kept my lacey knickers on]and getting quite hot under the hood of my casual Ralph Lauren striped hoodie, I was only left to wonder, as I was leaning over my table trying to write a map back to the tube station whilst being manhandled, if the gent in question was an A, B, C, D or E.

xx Lektrogirl

June 13, 2008

MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOURS

It’s 3.50am and I’m blogging from my phone. Let me tell you what really bugs me about my upstairs neighbours. One of them REALLY snores really loud. It doesn’t help that I had fantastic coffee at Sean Paul’s girlfriend’s house last night keeping me awake – or that my head is bouncing around between spiritual taxi rides, apologies, wanting to have a baby (I KNOW!!!), wondering ‘what ifs’, wondering where my life will go next. But I would actually prefer to hear my neighbours fucking than the mronic breathing of someone who is reatively hot.

i still don’t know the name of their child – Coco the dog is still there – but I saw the child with his mum outside the Whittington and it’s a boy. Coco is definitely not a good name for a guy unless he’s a clown.

i think they have woken themselves up with their snorig. I might try sleeping again. And with a bit of luck, the neighbours might start having a fumble – cause it is about that time of night, isn’t it.

xx Lektrogirl

June 2, 2008

FAKE ASS NIGGAZ ON MYSPACE

And the latest from {Dance Pg}DEM BOYZ can get U(_)U FILL IT N

You can see that they are making nice use of the Window Movie Maker there. And also in this video as well!

xx Lektrogirl

May 22, 2008

I’M A BEAST

One of my favourite R Kelly tracks is “I’m A Beast”. But is he?

So following the R Kelly trial on the Chicago Tribune Video’s I note with interest the advertisement linked with the video is from a bedding company with images of little children bouncing all over the mattresses. Please no.

Here is the incredible coverage of the most important show business story since God only knows when.

So some important information relevant to the case:

Apparently the man in the video who is allegedly R Kelly does NOT had a mole on his back which is clearly visible on the real R Kelly.

Also Backstreet Boys are playing in the background when the alleged sex acts took place. I mean durrr… Wouldn’t R Kelly play R Kelly?!

Sad to note:

R Kelly is really a bad dresser. He isn’t a P.I.M.P. at all in the courthouse. He should have gone to Savile Row.

xx Lektrogirl

May 19, 2008

AN AGE OLD QUESTION

I always ask mbrain the same question “Can vegan’s swallow?” cause he really razzed some girl once asking her the same question.

We spoke for a while on the topic and I have now done some research on the matter.

So from a piece on the Times Online by Dr Thomas Stuttford [mega paraphrasing]:

The Oxford Dictionary defines a vegan, as opposed to a vegetarian, as “a person who does not eat or use animal products”.

There could be hardly any substance that is more essentially animalian than semen, or one that has such an animal origin, even if the animal is your boyfriend.

Even if you didn’t swallow, you would still be using — by your standards — an animal product although you were not consuming it.

anyone who interprets being a [strict] vegan, all sex — whether oral, mutual masturbation or penetrative — that resulted in ejaculation would contravene your rules. This must be nonsense.

And Suzi Godson [mega paraphrasing]:

At Nerve, America’s coolest, smartest, most honest sex magazine (www.nerve.com), Tana, 29, a vegan for four years, navigates herself and her principles around this thorny issue by refusing to swallow “if the semen belongs to a guy who is not a vegan”. She has no problem with vegan semen and says that, as an aide to fellatio, a cream made from tofu is good.

Beer also sweetens the taste of semen and, fortunately, the big brands can be classified as vegan. Budweiser, Red Stripe Lager, Kirin, Cobra, Heineken Export, Hoegaarden, Rolling Rock, Beck’s and Kingfisher. Though beer isn’t the place you’d expect to find animal products, many are filtered with animal ingredients such as “isinglass” (derived from fish) or “bone char ” (charcoal derived from animal bones).

The filtering process leaves only trace animal residues in the final product, but if you are experiencing a moral dilemna about whether or not to swallow your boyfriend’s semen, then you sound like the kind of girl that this would matter to as well.

xx Lektrogirl

May 12, 2008

SEX & MORNING MUSIC

So finally the sun is up and you are all probably on your way to work. I wish I could share a cup of tea with you and anyone in my back garden.

If I could could eggs like this perfectly every time I would.

I would play some music for you.

Sexual Healing – Hot 8 Brass Band

Perfect High – Peppermint Lounge

And once I had post my photos from the toilets at the George and Dragon where we will probably never meet, some guy will post comments on my Flickr and I will feel totally violated

Sex Attack – Appareil

in a way I never thought possible. But actually I have d/l quite a number of his images to Photoshop friends faces onto should I ever need to.

xx Lektrogirl

March 28, 2008

NOT SUITABLE WITH A HANGOVER

As I have said many times before – Ramiro sends me the best YouTube videos.

This one I found on my own. Listen to the obsessions of the people involved.

I am now going to go an puke in a bucket for about three hours. 2 Girls 1 Cup might be more explicit, but in terms of grossness, it has NOTHING on this cause this cannot be faked. It is like 2000 VICE magazine gross jars rolled into one video.

xx Lektrogirl

Can I just reiterate again I feel so sick.

March 16, 2008

THE LAST DANCE


Well the other night was Abbie and Lee’s going away party before they move to Berlin at the end of the week. I was sexual as ever.


Sadie, Cardinal and I say cheese but in our hands you can see two glasses of Millers Gin. Thanks to Cardinal, my life is changed. The world’s best gin. I didn’t even have a hangover or cry one self pitying tear. Maybe it wan’t gin but pure liquid delight!


When I look at pictures of myself like this I see why I have developed The PhotoFace [TM]. Here Richard and I are imagining all the deviant positions Cardinal was being lured into with the array of men and couples who were coming up to her and buying her drinks. NONE of our scenarios were as bizarre as to what happened to me later in the evening.

One guest of the party, let’s call him Alexander, arrive with three friends. One of the friends was a beautiful Polish girl, who’s name I never found out. She was dressed in a look I would describe as Matisse Woman in a Red Room vs. Ken Done in silks and and a fake fur. So for the purpose of this story, her name is Matisse. There was another girl, who was dressed all in black with bright red lipstick. Her nose was a bit hooky. Her name can Meredith. She is also Polish so probably that wasn’t her name. I could not tell which girl was Alexander’s girlfriend – Matisse or Meredith. One minute he was dirty dancing with one, the next minute with the other, then the girls were kissing passionately on the lips. The last of the group, a very tanned French man in a grey woollen waistcoat with an incredible double zipper pocket detail was from Nice and Cannes but he was sick of it there. He told me my hair needed cutting. I just needed to go to the salon and ask for the French one. He was the only French guy there. Then it seemed that Meredith was his girlfriend – the were kissing and dancing. Meredith leaned in and told me that she had only met the French man that day. Matisse came from the bathroom with a bow of toilet paper around her head. She sat next to me and we began to talk. She asked Meredith if she was a bitch. Meredith replied how sweet she was and began stroking her hair. The pair of them kissed again. Matisse told me that Meredith was her sister. Then Alexander came over and Matisse had her hand up his top, while Meredith had her hand down his pants. They left, then Matisse returned to tell me how lovely it was to meet me. As I had no intention of becoming a fifth in their group I said ‘Yes’ and nothing more. But laughed to myself about how I attract these crazy people whenever I am around Lee and Abbie… A nice well brought up girl like me…


I was pleased to find out that my Bettina Rheims La Chambre Close book was now worth a lot of money. So I decided against pulling some pages out to frame and put on the wall. I will make a trip to the photocopy shop with it instead.

My four year old niece has started taking pictures herself. Here is a portrait of her two year old brother Tom:

She is also adding make up artistry to her CV:

And the last news from home, other than my father calling me a fucking Punjabi via SMS the other day [today he told me to tell my evil fork tongued mother to get fucked... such a charmer...] is Sam has lost his two front teeth.

Oh God – it feels like 4am and it is only 9.30pm

xx Lektrogirl

March 8, 2008

PHALLIC

Today while I was washing dishes I was thinking about guys who after you have had sex with them at some point – usually at a super casual moment – ALWAYS ask how big their penis is in comparison to other guys. Well no – they don’t always ask, put this in the sentence: IF A GUY REALLY LIKES YOU, he will always ask you about his penis. If a guy has a big dick, he wants to know it is the biggest. If his dick is small, he wants to know how small. If his dick is neither big nor small he wants you to tell him it is bigger than normal. If his dick is bent, he hopes you don’t notice.

The reason why I was thinking about this though was because I had been talking about Bratwurst sausages earlier that day with Abbie and Lee and was cooking some that night for dinner.


I wish my German was better than my French. But I guess everything happens for a reason. [Yes I eat this kind of food as often as possible. I could never be a Jew. Well except for the fact that my mother is also not Jewish.]


Look at this hot pig trying to seduce you into eating products made from him! Sexual! This is the bag from the German Deli down and Borough Market.

And while I am being all M&S about food, I was in Le Péché Mignon the other day – they know me know cause they saw what I wrote about their prickly lettuce and make jokes with me about it! I actually felt a bit embarrassed. I know! Me! – for a croque monsieur [obvs] and while I was there I was looking for some crème de marrons but instead I found these confitures – Les Confitures Extra de Christine Ferber – Morrello cherry or Apricot ‘nougat’ with Almonds, Honey, Pine Nuts and Pistachio.

Like I died and went to Heaven.

xx Lektrogirl

February 13, 2008

DON’T FORGET THIS

Don’t forget this video I post last August! I just found it again by accident and laughed and laughed.

Watch out for this on Valentine’s Day!

xx Lektrogirl

« Newer PostsOlder Posts »

Powered by WordPress