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August 29, 2011

SELF HELP & HELP YOURSELF

After getting into trouble recently for retweeting this: http://youtu.be/Hu_MhgIFDGM which has got to be one of the most horrific things I have ever see – abhorrent to every sense (Forget they cysts – they don’t have floor length dreads) I fear another rebuke for discussing blogging about this movie I watch recently as part of a self help / self therapy program.

Abstinence from blogging should reveal (and then the things I write about when I do) that I have been having bad mood vibes, trouble coping, worrying about losing my place in the world. Unfortunately my usual therapy: hours of back to back CSI, Law and Order and Criminal Minds is not available. And really my problems feel a lot more spiritual – rather than relaxing my mind, I need to know who I am and where I am going. So the other day I was reminded that Javier Bardem, although now a little marred by marrying Penelope Cruz, is one hot mother and set about collecting all the more recent moves he played in to watch.

This is how I came across the movie Eat Pray Love starring Julia Roberts as a writer who has lost her way. And then she does some scenes at the end with Javier Bardem who was so unattractive to me at the point in the movie as my spew button was so firmly pressed I would only be able to barf, not bang.

By the way, I dont think there could be more of a spoiler for this movie, than the movie itself but if you havent watched it yet and are absolutely dying to, I will be discussing the plot in the post. So if I havent turned you off it enough, by saying the movie is really shit, I advise stop reading now.

So Eat Love Pray as I said is the story of a writer who loses her way in her marriage and sets off around the world to discover herself. Funnily enough the original story for this movie was written in a book by an author who had lost her way, was sleeping on the floor of her bathroom and set off to find herself around the work – going to Italy, India and Indonesia. There is a little clue there – I I I. That is to say Julia Roberts, Julia Roberts, Julia Roberts. If you want to see her carrying a yoga mat having spiritual dilemmas this is it. There is a lot of Julia Roberts going on about I I I. As an excuse for breaking up with people, stuffing her face with pasta, getting the shits or photocopying a book in aid of and Indonesian man.

So I watched the whole thing. Watched Julia Roberts pretend to meditate and make a young floor scrubber the person she dedicated her prayers to so she would have a happy marriage after her arrange wedding. I watched Julia Roberts tell another woman that she has no interest in being obese but that we should love our muffin tops. And then my own meditations began. If I was the kind of person who would want to go off to India and meditate would I find this so gut churning? Why am I not the kind of person who is really interested in yoga and meditation when so many other people get so much out of it? What is this feeling in my stomach troubling me? Where does this saddness come from? Some of the stuff in this movie is actually quite nice wisdom? But who is the chump who paid for this movie to be made? I could imagine Tom Cruise sponsoring a movie following his religious persuasion. But isn’t Julia Roberts a scientologist too? What is religion.

So in front of this diabolical movie I wound myself into some profound analytical thinking. By the end of the movie I was crying my eyes out when Julia Roberts told Javier Barden she wouldnt go to the island with him. Is this movie the reason why I wanted to dump Anthony that day? Or was this movie the reason why I decided to snap out of it? It doesnt matter.

On that day, something happened. My mind freed itself from the usual thoughts that get turned over and over like a cement mixer churning sand and concrete.

So where am I going with this post?

I cant even remember myself. A company claiming to be 3 keeps calling me. Today I picked up and they congratulated me on being a good customer and that I would get an upgrade on the phone. Trying to sell me a SAMSUNG. Then I twigged it was a scam when he mentioned something about a new phone and a new number. That number is blocked now. But anyway all that happened in the middle of this.

But probably I mean to say even in total bullshit false smiles and a lot of taking different names of Lords in vain I would say going by Julia Roberts meditations, there is still some essence of truth and beauty. In the same breath I could say that when life is shit, make lemonade. Which I new already, but it is nice to get reminded of it else where every now and then.

On an entirely separate note: Bai Bai Charlie. I hope you are free from all your aches and pains now and have two eyes instead of one. xxx

June 15, 2011

HELPFUL EBAY PICTURES

June 1, 2011

HANSBURGERS

Well folks, here they are! The famous HANSBURGER cakes that I made for Hans for his 50th birthday party last weekend. I have started doing Afternoon Tea Catering. There is a half started website here. The Hansburger is Genoise sponge sandwiched together with Creme Anglaise and butter icing. 40 of them! Hardcore bake athon. But it was so worth it at Hans party with some pink champagne in my hand seeing every one not expecting the creme anglaise explosion. Anthony helped me stick them together when I got to the creme anglaise stage. He was more professional than me. Then Dora help by standing in the kitchen and scoffed all the leftovers. She said “See me. I am an African woman. We chop like this with bread in the drink.”

Then, I COULDNT BELIEVE IT. On the wall in Han’s flat was the vintage cutout of the Lord’s prayer I had been bidding on in eBay [not this one pictured.] So I quizzed Jean Marc and we had been bidding against each other for the piece. I was gutted. I told him how unhappy I was and he said disparigingly “Don’t you know about eBay Sniper? You never win anything by chance and more.” Major burn. But then he fished behind some drawers and pulled out the one in the picture and gave it to me! THANK YOU JEAN MARC. So now it is in my bedroom and I can protect myself from thousands of psychic vampires and slug ghosts.

And fastforward up to today. I bought a belt of Etsy to wear as a necklace [what is wrong with me], have had a migraine for 4 days now and just thought “fuck it” and made some popcorn and cracked open the gin.

June 24, 2010

IS THIS A PARTY?

Listen to the music in the video below and look into my eyes.

May 9, 2010

PRETTY AWEFUL

Just left Mum’s.

As I was leaving, Dad came round the corner in his wheelchair like a long lost cowboy getting pushed by one of his carers crying. It was awful. So I was crying. Then my Aunt decided it was the right time to take my photo. Awful. And I wanted to hug Mum and not cry cause we had a pretty awful time except for a newly discovered common bond over The Sheild. And my sister and I had no time at all. She had told Mum she doesn’t really like me, Mum told me, I sent my sister a text telling her I heard what she said but I would rather hear it from her than Mum. She replied with the one word that my ex used to use that shattered me in the same way.

‘Awesome. ‘

And then I didn’t hear from her for the rest of the trip, not even to say good bye.

April 18, 2010

CHIEN D’AMOUR

Et voila! MORE spiritual animal love vibes, this time from my French family in Nantes who take care of me in the Mountain Room when I am there. “What else?” and “Oh bah dis donc!” etc

Et puis, je vais au pieu. Bisous.

PET SPIRITUALITY


Every day there comes a moment where you find yourself in a very deep spiritual moment with your pet. I hear it all the time from fellow pet owners. Obviously, even in the olden days they did it – these two are so close I’m not even sure where the dog tail ends and the scarf begins. It is a love that is of course not normal even though we all do it. So intense. And not at all embarrassing…!!!

My flight to Hong Kong / Melbourne / Hobart [the city] has been delayed because of volcanic intervention. I can’t say I am not a little bit glad because I get to spend a little extra time with Hobart [the cat] in the lovely London sunshine. Shortly I am going to make some macaroons. I asked Hobart if I should make a cake and she gave a kind of small weak miaou. Then I asked “macarons?” and she went crazy. It is great to have a live in Spiritual Advisor. Then Dora the Ignorer comes once a week and we talk about other stuff like immigration, stupid people and money. This week I got to see pictures of her Mum Abena and her 5 children. I have to tell you all, TALK ABOUT BABESVILLE.

Anyway to get formalities out of the way – sorry Beniah Brawn – I don’t know why I can’t post directly to this blog from Flickr cause I could before and I can on the Lektrotour Food blog. I hope I cover all necessary post backs for you here.

If you want to find out who this lady really is and where she comes from, check Beniah Brawns amazing Flickr stream here.

September 17, 2009

YERRR AWESOME

Goon & Koyote – Wellness Is Wild (Dre Skull remix) from FullDawa on Vimeo.

Prod : FullDawa .

Année : 2009 .

Réal : Sébastien Praznoczy

Here is a video for some awesome dudes from Paris.

x

May 26, 2009

THE MIGRAINE SKANK

Paul C accused me of being racist on the grounds he is caramel and Alice I never met. But I love this video they made at home. I wonder if the will know I ripped it? I should probably tell them. Anyway isn’t it wonderful to know that I wasn’t the only one who was making videos over the weekend. You can check more about Wamp-Nation on their blog.

May 17, 2009

KILLING IT

May 8, 2009

PP AT 17

Today after work at the new place I dropped in on the guy with the Urban Jew-Do Paul Peroni [he of the perfectly balanced bobby pins] and we sat and had a chat about hmmm… concerning the edges of feeling comfortable within yourself… if I can paraphrase the whole thing in a one sentence summary. As a result of a statement I made, Paul said he has to send me this list above from Fischli/Weiss and I decided I should share it with all of you. If you are feeling unhappy and fucked after a week at work, it is probably because you are not living life like the above.

My favourite is number 6 – accept change in inevitable. It is a variation on a theme I like to think about and that it – it can be tough sometimes to change your mind when you are half way through something, but sometimes it is okay just to let it go and do something else.

xx Lektrogirl

April 29, 2009

ALO ALO

xx Lektrogirl

March 29, 2009

MUSEE DE MINERALOGIE

I’m in Paris. Today I went to the Musée de Minéralogie at the Pierre & Marie Curie University. I have to say, it was a far more funny and interesting experience than visiting Colette yesterday. Cause 1) three young boys got me with silly string outside the building an raced off on their scooter which was the first time this ever happened to me and I loved it and 2) Although the mineral collection is not as big as the one at the Natural History Museum in London, the collection was much prettier and I liked how it is presented – in glass cases like the Crown Jewels 3) I was able to get the Metro directly to Pierre Hermé and buy some macaroons without queueing. (Taste test and pictures later.)
I am only sorry that I was not able to take some pictures of the beautiful specemins of Malachite that they had in the Musée de Minéralogie collection. There were no pieces of anything from Tasmania in the collection which was another bummer – there is one in the Natural history Museum but there were a quite a few cool Meteorites that were found in Australia on display. Oh – also a bit shit – you could hear the ticket man’s radio playing The Beatles etc as you walked around the collection. So not right. Moon Birds would have been better.

xx Lektrogirl

March 9, 2009

MANNA FROM HEAVEN

If I had charged everyone a pound to come and watch me take part in a Qi Gong class I would have been super rich I am sure, but I have to say that it wasn’t that bad and Valeria – la maladiction de la shalolin temple – even said it wasn’t that funny watching me do it cause I was okay at it. Any so after making 2000 chicon jokes and Qi Gong jokes and jokes about my Qi, I have to say that I also felt like I had a good spring in my step this morning on my way to work and a nice sense of balance in the way everything was going. Suddenly, a slice of bread landed at my feet from the sky when I was on Magdala Avenue. Had I not been so in tune with the universe, that bread could have hit me on the head. Foruntately though, my efforts on Sunday morning did me a good service and put me in step with my true pathway which was not to get hit on the head or shoulder by a slice of white crust from a cheap loaf.

Oh what a day!

xx Lektrogirl

January 12, 2009

U.B.M: TEKI LATEX Edition #1

Hello everyone and welcome to my new blog section U.B.M. which is ULTIMATE BABE MATERIAL.

That is, I am going to interview the Ultimate Babe’s – guys that are hot and sexy. I would call it U.Boyfriend.Material but in fact, a lot of these guys are just trouble so not good boyfriend material at all. [Even though that is how most of us like it.] Instead these are guys that you would wanna roll with in a car listening to Regulate by Warren G on a sunny day in shorts, a shitty t shirt and sunglasses. So as a kind of pre selection process for you before you start MySpace stalking – read on to find out what they think about the most important things in life: Music, Love, Fashion and of course, what they think about Me. Cause it is my blog after all.

Let me introduce for your private pleasures TEKI LATEX!

Teki Latex is one of four guys in a French Hip Hop / Dance group called TTC. If you want to find out all about them, Google away although I read in the paper today that two Google searches equate to the same energy used to make a cup of tea. But def worth the Google and equally as satisfying as a cup of tea cause all the guys are U.B.M. and TTC makes BANGING music. Teki is also a DJ, released his own solo album with people like Gonzales and Lio. He is also definitely Ultimate Babe Material.

Me: We talked once about Armand Van Helden being one of your style icons. I even went out and bought a red hat just like your purple one. How would you describe your personal style?

Teki: I’m not sure about Armand van Helden being a style icon but nobody can deny he knows how to rock his orange. Not so many people can get away with wearing so much orange. [N.B. He did actually say that about A.V.H. once and considering how wasted I was I'm surprised I remember.]
My personal style? Nowadays it’s somewhere between preppy chic and streetwear mutating into elegant sportswear. The swagger of the penguin in batman mixed with the human embodiment of the Ralph Lauren teddy bear.

Me: You are often photographed with hot girls in clubs. What do you think is a hot look for girls right now?

Teki:The polo player style, the disco-schoolgirl style, and high heels, always. [N.B. That's me out as I always opt for lesbian shoes...]

Me: Your body type is not like Mark Wahlberg in the 1992 Calvin Klein ads, yet you emit more sexual hotness that him by like 200%. What are your secrets?

Teki: Girl notice me when I’m around, I make them laugh and they feel safe when they’re next to me. And whenever I get inside the club I’m official, I’m the fucking mayor. They wanna get to hang out with the mayor, they wanna know more about the mayor, they wanna go further than the public image and delve into my complex artistic mind. Basically I’m just being my lazy egocentric twisted self and it comes out as something sexy.


What a totally spiritually sexual tummy!!

Me: So what happened with your album Electronic [which I play all the time BTW] – did everyone get over the fact they thought you couldn’t sing and realise that what you make is Premium Pop Joy?!

Teki: my album is called Party De Plaisir, [Ooops... bad form on my part...] Electronic is just one of the songs. I don’t know what happened with that album, some people hated it some people loved it but overall it brought a lot of good stuff, I managed to get a song on heavy rotation on French radio, and it brought me a lot of exposure so it’s all good.

Me: And for the record – tell us: In your opinion how hot is Lio?

Teki: She’s the definition of grown and sexy. She knows how to walk on the fine line between pop sexiness and cute soft core eroticism.

Me: Obviously all my readers will probably want to marry you by now, are you single?

Teki: currently single

Me: Describe an ideal date?

Teki: do you mean the girl or how the date should go?
The girl= Fun, intelligent but not trying too hard to impress me with intellectual stuff. Hot, kinky, charismatic but NOT CHEESY.
The actual rendez vous= If I had time and a bit more money I’d tell the girl to throw a couple of dresses in a bag, I’d pick her up, take her to the airport, go straight to New York with her, take her to a musical on Broadway, then a nice romantic hotel suite to have cheeseburgers, spend the next day shopping and the next night partying and then get back home right in time for Monday morning.


Russia wouldn’t be bad either? Is that where that is?

Me: You also told me once that you believe in trashing hotel rooms, not giving a fuck about having kids, not really caring about the environment etc etc. Is there a serious and sensitive side to Teki Latex? You know, like, are you ‘deep’?

Teki: I’m a serious and sensitive guy but when I’m with a girl I wanna hang out and watch Eddy Murphy movies, crack jokes, have good sex, good food, light hearted talks. When things get too serious and “deep” it turns out cheesy and it turns me off. And I’m mature enough to know that I’m way too selfish to have kids.


Definitely mature.

Me: Okay and finally, most people come to my blog to read about me and my life. So to keep things on point, what do you think about me?

Teki: I think I don’t see you often enough in Paris, I think your finger licking skills are off the meter, I think you’re hot and I wanna thank you for that “Love” tee shirt you once gave to me and which has brought me a considerable amount of luck with ladies on the days when I wore it.

So there you have it, Teki Latex, Paris’ Number 1 Ultimate Babe Material. As French as fromage but definitely not cheesy. You can find him via all the usual ‘girls best friend’ ways – MySpace, Facebook, Flickr and YouTube [there is a great one of Teki in the bath] or seriously if you see him out at a club, go up and say Hi and tell him Lektrogirl sent you!!

U.B.M. Edition #2 will be online as soon as another specially selected man of talent / note / spirituality / gigantic sexual aura gets back to me. Also, if you got any special request on who I should check out get in touch!!!

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. All pics and videos ripped from all over the Internet. No offence to anyone and their right to copyright. Lemme know and I will do the right things.

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