Why pout and preen in front of the mirror and take practice shots of yourself with your mobile, when the answer is really obvious isn’t it.
June 5, 2011
January 3, 2011
To drown out the sound of my upstairs neighbours having sex on their sofa, I am chomping through a packet of Monster Munch as loudly as I can. To follow with the current them of gorging since Christmas day I am keeping up the diet by sharing 8 mini chicken kievs with Hobart while we wait for the Sainsbury’s delivery. I have fared quite well with my holiday diet – alcohol, cakes, chocolate, clafoutis, swigging lemonade from the bottle, biscuits, vietnamese banquets. My cold is not quite better but I am feeling a bit thrushy round the lady garden. Errr diet of crap everyone? You will all be pleased to know I bought a bottle of acidophiles [spelling? too lazy to get off sofa and check.]
In other lady garden news, the Monster Munch were actually in celebration of the fact there were “some signs” from the joint lady garden of Abbie and Lee. Namely, Lee polished off a Milk Tray to herself in 10 seconds. Long awaited but no-one is very excited as this has been the slowest baby in the universe. Let’s hope it makes it out by 2012 shall we?
And even though not in the garden and more in the “top tummy” region, [Dame Edna's best joke ever], a lady friend has some kind of cysty boil on her nipple. Ergh. She is apparently going to the doctor today. All I could say was “Take a picture in case they lance it.” I sent that message and I wanted to send “Please take a video while they lance it” but felt that was on the wrong side of concerned. Instead I spent a while googling images for “nipple cyst”. It has been a while guys hasnt it?!?!?!?! There was something about my lunch of exploding mini kievs that stopped me from watching any videos. Most interesting picture I found was OF A RAT who had a cyst on its nipple WHO CHEW IT OPEN ITSELF.
The rat is apparently called Izzy. I’d like to think as in Stradlin. Probably not.
November 28, 2010
July 14, 2010
I’m just hanging out today doing a lot of nothing with a lot of no-one listening to loads of nonsense. A day off mid week is one of the top things ever.
Last night I sent mum a text “I just got home from a nice date with a nice guy.”
She replied “At least you aren’t trying to get pregnant.”
I got another email from my other parent, yep, Dad – but this time on a lap top and it makes even less sense than Mum’s message.
Then I got a really funny message from Iris39 which made me gurgle laughing:
“I too will have to drag a wetone across my body and get ‘it’ together – keep expectations low re appearance , see you later”
The glamour amongst my lady friends kills me. And that is just the way I like it.
April 9, 2010
Memories of Ice and Fire on A Journey Round My Skull.
Just to tell you Mutts has had her operation and she is fine, although pissing quite a lot. Then Mutts and I went on to talk about the old lady who had our house before us. My sister believes she died in the house and is terrified alone there at night. Of course the story is all wrong and the woman died in a home as I learnt from Ma today. ALTHOUGH I can tell you that other people visiting our house have seen things late at night. My exhusband saw an old woman at the end of his bed. He was so convinced it was real he thought it could only be Muttsie dressed up in an old sheet who appeared. But then he blinked and she was gone. Tasmania is very very dark at night. You can see stars for infinity. I think sleepy eyes in the pitch black will make out any shape they can.
Another thing to tell you that makes me happy is when my alarm goes off in the morning, Hobart races down to my bed to alert me to the fact it’s time to get up. She sits there waiting until I turn it off. Whether I am by the alarm ringing or not, she definitely is.
P.S. Not looking forward to work today. Big accounts day.
March 19, 2010
And that is my life. You know it.
February 26, 2010
January 10, 2010
And don’t give a fuck what anyone says.
Possibly my top YouTube video for Jan 10.
December 5, 2009
And it is a shame when everyone else finds out about it…
November 10, 2009
Sorry about that – I’ve have been off the radar!
But, I went to a big gay sweatbox on the weekend with some friends and found myself in the middle of the dancefloor after giving birth to Ed Hardy next to a guy in an Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt and three girls with a bottle of poppers. Spiritual moment of Mare Street and I find myself reborn.
The old me was in a terrible shape. I was a caterpillar of duvet and Namelesses old hoodie he got from the guy who ended up sleeping with his ex even though he said “Bros before hoes”. I was watching endless cop shows nourished by cups of tea and phonecalls from my lady friends who wanted to see me through a dark patch.
The Italian, after coming over on Friday night and leaving me with a kiss and a see you later love and feeling all happy in my stomach, sent me a text on Tuesday saying “I don’t need a new job, a girlfriend and friends take months even years. Please do me a favour and give me a break.”
- He was calling me asking me how to teach him something.
- I had already told him twice “I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now” [meaning HIM in particular but hanging out and being friends with him was super fun, though he didn't know that directly.]
- And I have known this guy for about 2 years.
Then AIR PIE from him for the whole week after trying to find out WTF that was all about!
My cleaner Dora settled me down to a few home truths:
- You dress like an African woman.
- God took this man out of your life because you have everything – a house, a job, a computer, the internet, money, your things, friends, you are a nice person – and all you need is someone to love and care for you. He is too stupid to even do that so God took him out of your life.
- You need to have more fun. Look at your friends [meaning The Cardinal cause she goes round there too.] She always is having fun. I see all the wine glasses. You need to have fun.
- The man you are looking for is out there searching for you.
Then the two coolest people in Paris arrived.
Hobart unfortunately turned into a shit machine all weekend. Unbelievable.
September 28, 2009
I sat next to a girl dinner last night and she has had sex with a women. I
asked her what it is like to eat a girl out. She told me that after getting
over how gross it is, it is much easier than giving a guy a blow job. She
said that basically with a girl, it is like having a giant smooch for a
while. Where is with a guy it can be be really hard work and become really
mechanical and monotonous. Interesting! Can’t say though that I’m gonna try
it out any time soon. The only pussy I wanna get near is Hobart and her cute
May 26, 2009
Just a sketch and something to do this evening.
To quote The G.A.: “Maaate, Never give in!”
May 12, 2009
April 18, 2009
I love us.
February 15, 2009
Is it? Is it?
Philippa made a good point about the houses.
What a nice weekend. I deserved it. But I used to live in an emotional vaccuum. Anything expressive was forbidden or laughed at. And this is the opposite. And I feel like Alice in Wonderland in the room to small and the table too big.
Valeria where are you? I need to talk about nothing.