Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

May 9, 2010

FELLOW INTERNATIONAL TRAVELLERS

Hello to those of you who go even further than your freeview box allows I want to tell you a little travel secret.

At Melbourne airport at Terminal 2, just past duty free and left down what’s looks like Hudson Coffee’s lounge area is Gate 2 your secluded gate to travellers paradise. There is never anyone in there who isn’t there to do what you do – lie out flat on the row upon row of empty sets with a view of the runway and no casual passers by who will gawp at you having a private moment.

It may not sound like much but to those of you in the know, you’ll know.

My other international travelling tip is Dr Fish Spa at Terminal 1 in Changi Aiport, Singapore to break up the long haul horrors. The fish pool treatment with live fish is optional IMHO, but the massage is not

April 1, 2010

BERLIN HERE I COME


And so today, I gather my things and I am leaving for Berlin this Easter. O HAI LU, LIVIA, DANIEL, EMMA… HERE I COME!

Last night I gave another little talk at the Vauxhall Fashion Scout event where the dudes from VFS collect a series of business professionals together to impart “wisdom” and answer questions about young designers starting up their businesses or fresh graduates. I say “wisdom” because yours truly here talks about finance, making money, planning for the future and my favourite topic of all, collecting money. It reminds me a bit of Lektrolab days talking, telling jokes and making friends. But other than me, from Raggy Doll Opsa Daisy Finance Pty Ltd, other speakers last night were David Jones, luxury freelance design consultant [major dude!], Allan Scott, from New Planet Fashions, Anna Brett, MD of Image Studio Production [these two run sampling and production units - a place where you go to get your collections made as opposed to the factory Hobart came from], and Emma Crosby, sales manager for Vauxhall Fashion Scout’s London exhibition and Paris showroom [she was wearing some SERIOUS shoulders - executive realness Vogue House style - and somem incredible leather fingerless gloves but a bit weird shaking her hand. Maybe in sex club I would feel different?] God – I’m typing super fast and rambling cause I should be packing. Check the VFS website thefashionscout.com they will make better sense of it and they have a nice blog. And if you are a young designer, or someone who has been going for a little while and need to make sense of what you are doing, get in touch with them!

And quickly let me introduce OXLEY to you all. Serious contender for Mr Personality against Hobart and Bette. [Actually I think he'd win.] He is the cat of one of the girls from work. And he looks just as crazy and excited as me now that I am going on holiday. BOOYAH.

January 27, 2010

THE BOOYAH COOK: GODESS

One day I will bother explaining the ins and out of what it has been like living with Bipolar Mood Affective Disorder [aka Manic Depression that most people use - albeit incorrectly] but frankly it is a drag and a drain IRL so never really feel like blowing the trumpet online. But today as a absolute forced activity to get myself off the sofa I decided to work on my cake invention recipe and perfect it in the aim of sharing it with all of you. I can say categorically that cake eating Hayley at work has nominated this her favourite. She can elucidate her thoughts on every cake I every made and everything that goes into her mouth infinitum so truss, yeah. She knows.

So after today’s success I feel confident to announce The Booyah Cook has achieved some earth bound status – NOW KNOW AS GODDESS!!

Since then I have been with Sean Combs on a jet ski in Miami, making it rain up and down the strip in LA, my life is like a movie but if it looks like I’m having more fun than you then sue me. ETC.

MY CAKE
In concept is my favourite bits from different kinds of cakes: super moist vanilla sponge, fresh fruit, clafoutis-esque, lasts a long time. I have tried both a cherry one and a blackberry one. I think it will work with anything like mulberries, figs, fresh apricots or peaches, nectarines – strawberries would taste good but they would look rank.


Cherry

1] Grease a 9 inch / 23 cm (ideal size for BDL’s) circular cake tin and dust it with flour. It has to be a loose bottomed or spring loaded tin or when you get the cake out all the fruit is gonna mush up.

2] Preheat the oven to about 180 degrees C / 350 degrees F

I would like to say “freestyle freestyle” but the science of silkience will not adjust [remember that ad or is it just Australian? Mrs G?] when it comes to baking cakes. If a recipe recommends a particular tin at certain temperature, and you change either of those things it will impact on your recipe. Maybe even instant fail you.

3] With electric beaters cream together 120g butter and 120g castor sugar.
If you never made a cake before, this means mix the two together until the colour changes to a lighter shade and smooths into a paste and isnt all crumbly sugar and icing any more. Can take anything between 5 – 8 minutes.

4] Add two eggs. Get on the beating again. Mix until the colour changes again. It will end up pretty pale. Takes about 5-6 mins after adding the egg.

5] Add 240 grams of plain flour and 1 teaspoon of baking powder. Mix it in with a spoon or spatula. Don’t using the electric beaters now. The beaters will over work the flour and make it “tough” and you will end up with a loaf of flat bread. When you have mixed in all the flour, you will have a kind of doughy looking mixture though.

6] Mix in 6 drops of vanilla essence and 200 mls of creme fraiche with the spoon. It is still gonna be a doughy looking mixture. If you think it is too dry, add 10 mls of milk / water / alcohol whatever but not more.

7] Tip the mixture in the tin and spread it with the back of the spoon to the edges. Doesn’t have to be smooth, just kind of level.

8] Cover the top with whatever fruit you want. You are going to bake your cake for a fairly long time. So don’t put anything too small on it and the cake needs to rise underneath the weight of the fruit so make small slices of peaches or whatever. Try the blackberries first though. Awesome!

9]Put the cake in the oven for 40 minutes. It will most likely have to go in again. Everyone’s oven is different so maybe 40 minutes will be enough. Test like this: Use a skewer and prick the cake right to the bottom in the centre of the cake. If the skewer comes out clean, then the cake should be done. If there is any goo, put it in for another 15 minutes.

If the middle is gooey but the top has turned brown, turn your oven down 10-20 degrees before shoving the cake back in for the second go in the oven.

10] Leave the cake too cool a bit in the tin before turning it out. Then leave it on a rack to cook completely before you dust it with icing sugar you sprinkle on through a sieve.


Blackberry

The end.

Yum.

The icing sugar will eventually dissolve into the cake after a while with the moisture. It isn’t even really important to put it on there. Whatever you want!

BOOYAH

xx Lektrogirl

January 24, 2010

TIPS FOR DIY

There are two very very important things that I tell myself every time after completing a home DIY project. And I forget every time when it comes round to do the next project. Let me share them with you and maybe you will benefit from this knowledge.

1] NEVER use the screws supplied for fixtures that are to go into mortar. The heads of the screw always “melt”, even with a hand screw driver, making it impossible to get the screw in or out. ALWAYS buy your own screws from the hardware store.

2] SNOOP DOGG & DR DRE are the two best artists to listen to while performing DIY tasks. Their soundtracks provide reasonable aggression, humour and focus and put you into the right frame of mind / swagger to get any job done in minimal time.

Thanks for listening.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. If you have not cracked up at “I Love The DJ” by R Kelly yet, take a look on YouTube and you sure will.

December 5, 2009

JUJU

And no I don’t mean the Champagne bar in Chelsea.

So, The Cardinal gave me the fabulous book Nollywood by Pieter Hugo. I love all the pictures of the women and witches and demons. I know how they all feel! Redwine and peanut sick dreadlock anyone?

SATURDAY! I spent quite a while reading other birthday presents from last week scoffing nougat and waiting for my cleaner to be 2.5 hours late which is long, even by her standards. I did call her to find out what was up and she was having a fight with her flatmates who all had electric heaters in their rooms and not admitting it so she was paying more than her share of electricity. The landlord came for a big meeting so big trouble in little Ghana.

Through the course of the day, I decided the best use for my completely luxurious and useless new Luella notebook calf skin bound and embossed with a mushroom, would be to jot down some of Dora’s comments about life. And today I was laughing with tears in my eyes about Elizabeth the other white clear she knew that was so fat she has no shape and so she told her and Elizabeth complained to the supervisor but no-one cared, the old lady who had a stroke and the Jamaican threw away her walking frame and how Jews [the חסיד ones] wear shoes that are so bad that if you throw one, not even a dog would touch it.

xx Lektrogirl

LOVE IS A WINDING ROAD

And it is a shame when everyone else finds out about it…

xx Lektrogirl

November 10, 2009

THE MAN I AM SEARCHING FOR IS SOMEWHERE OUT THERE SEARCHING FOR ME

DSC03954

“I don’t know what it is thing between us or what it will be but I really love hanging out with you. You are one cool cat and I really don’t want to stop.”

I certainly didn’t think it was going to turn into being cut dead and ignored while curled up onto the sofa together.

But whoever you are searching for me as longingly as I search for you, when you find me, please forgive me for every nipple I have shown, every asshole I have photographed, every dick I sucked and sniggered about it afterwards with my friends on the Internet. I can’t imagine that I will stop any time in the near or far future. But if you don’t want me to mention you I will do my best to keep a promise that I won’t.

SORRY


Sorry about that – I’ve have been off the radar!

But, I went to a big gay sweatbox on the weekend with some friends and found myself in the middle of the dancefloor after giving birth to Ed Hardy next to a guy in an Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt and three girls with a bottle of poppers. Spiritual moment of Mare Street and I find myself reborn.

The old me was in a terrible shape. I was a caterpillar of duvet and Namelesses old hoodie he got from the guy who ended up sleeping with his ex even though he said “Bros before hoes”. I was watching endless cop shows nourished by cups of tea and phonecalls from my lady friends who wanted to see me through a dark patch.

The Italian, after coming over on Friday night and leaving me with a kiss and a see you later love and feeling all happy in my stomach, sent me a text on Tuesday saying “I don’t need a new job, a girlfriend and friends take months even years. Please do me a favour and give me a break.”

  • He was calling me asking me how to teach him something.
  • I had already told him twice “I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now” [meaning HIM in particular but hanging out and being friends with him was super fun, though he didn't know that directly.]
  • And I have known this guy for about 2 years.

Then AIR PIE from him for the whole week after trying to find out WTF that was all about!

My cleaner Dora settled me down to a few home truths:

  • You dress like an African woman.
  • God took this man out of your life because you have everything – a house, a job, a computer, the internet, money, your things, friends, you are a nice person – and all you need is someone to love and care for you. He is too stupid to even do that so God took him out of your life.
  • You need to have more fun. Look at your friends [meaning The Cardinal cause she goes round there too.] She always is having fun. I see all the wine glasses. You need to have fun.
  • The man you are looking for is out there searching for you.

Then the two coolest people in Paris arrived.

Hobart unfortunately turned into a shit machine all weekend. Unbelievable.

xx Lektrogirl

November 3, 2009

2 LESSONS IN ONE

  • ……………………………………………..

  • NEVER MIX


  • BUSINESS


  • WITH PLEASURE

  • ……………………………………………………………..

  • NO GOOD


  • DEED GOES


  • UNPUNISHED

September 28, 2009

LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY

I sat next to a girl dinner last night and she has had sex with a women. I
asked her what it is like to eat a girl out. She told me that after getting
over how gross it is, it is much easier than giving a guy a blow job. She
said that basically with a girl, it is like having a giant smooch for a
while. Where is with a guy it can be be really hard work and become really
mechanical and monotonous. Interesting! Can’t say though that I’m gonna try
it out any time soon. The only pussy I wanna get near is Hobart and her cute
little face.

xx Lektrogirl

September 26, 2009

A LESSON LEARNED

Dick Nose

I sat next to an old friend at a birthday dinner. She used to have a girlfriend but now she is back to having a boyfriend. I asked her what it is like to eat out a girl. She told me that first you have to get over the fact it is totally gross what you are about to do. Then once you do it, it is exactly like having a great big pash with something. And it is really easy and isn’t difficult at all. Then we talked about how sometimes giving a guy a blow job is really difficult and boring sometimes, mechanical. Anyway I always wondered and now I know.

September 15, 2009

RIP MIKE LEYLAND

This was my favourite show when I was a kid.

Travel all over the countryside! Ask the Leyland Brothers!

xx Lektrogirl

September 8, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #27

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCESOREDXX]
Sent: 08 September 2009 05:06
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: MORE MACAROONS!

You could make a million bucks making macarroons like the ones in the email pics, Hotels, restaurantsets all the eating holes roundthe state,muckin fagnificent, mate. Even on the mainland. BUT w.t.f is a macaroon with pig init? IO have never seen macs with tomato etc in them.
I’m glad you told me it was a dog, I thought Hobart had gone through a sex change?
You must admit thise emails make more sense, relative to cost , for sure? My cost is at least $30′00 a month, 360 for the year, if I send you the money yeary the total saving would pay yer fare in two or three years. Nah. you’ld spend the money on a gold lead for the little free-loader.(free-UNloader on the carpet. Though I do remember the attachment I had for my Siamese cat (HYPOLYTE) when Iwas living on my own in Burnie. Also had me hound, Labrador, Sally. Effin idiot but they were good mates
They cot more than you think, when you add it all up. Vets fees, sleeping gear, best of foods. They prolly live better than us?
The Boss, Neree, just got back from African holiday. TODAY SHE GAVE ME A CARD SHE COULDN’T SEND THROUGH THE POST/ oNE ZEBRS READY TO SHOVE ABOUT A HALF YARD OF SNORKEL UP HIS MISS OF CHOICE. She coild be right. The old tarts would have had a heart attack, and some of the blokes a similar event, dying with envy. DISGUSTING!.
Cheers matey. Since when have you ever considered me the’boss’? That’l be the day you disrespectful shitpot.
\I got a pair of socks and a handerchief from the Sal Army. The card said You will be redeemed, for He knows your name.

He has to be pretty bloody good, mate I’ve had a few. Names that is, Johnathon Browne. John Alexander, Michael Patrick Byrne Long story mate. Stopped the law trackin you down. Sidestepped shielas who wanted to sue you for maintenance(maintainance)
etc.etc. Like I said, long stories, mate.
Cheers. Keep yer socks on. Treading in ’stuff’ can be nasty. Luv yer. S’Ted Pa.XXXXXX. 3FOR U 3 FOR PUFFY BUM.

Subject: MORE MACAROONS!
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 2009 18:26:10 +0100

The dog belongs to my other mate Mrs Kipling. Her dog is called Frieda.

EMMA DAVIDSON

xx Lektrogirl

July 22, 2009

FREAK

Don’t you fucking call me EVER EVER EVER again!

July 11, 2009

EAT DICK

This is the same woman who gave us the classic line “mechanical jack rabbit for the clit”

xx Lektrogirl

Older Posts »

Powered by WordPress