Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

August 12, 2008

CONSUMER COMPLAINT

Dear Ms Chanel

I wanted to write a letter of complaint to you regarding two maquillage products I have purchased from one of your concessions recently, in Selfridges.

Based on the fact that the two ‘rouge a lèvres’ I purchased were similar to a Christian Dior lipstick I had stolen from me a while ago, I felt confident with the assurances from the marketing of your brand with the two colours I walked out of the store with would be more than adequate to mend my broken heart.

However I am bitterly disappointed on the performance of your product. My Christian Dior lipstick in Indian Red, even though was years old had maximum coverage, staying power and an intensity of colour that made all men turn in the street. Both lipsticks I bought from you – Passion and New York Red – are greasy, slippery, bleed and last about 20 minutes before needing another application.

My Christian Dior lipstick was not an impotent monkey dick or a weasley dog’s dick of a product and I am indeed inferring that your products are both those things… in fact… maybe even of lesser standing. I rue the day I decided to choose your product over Yves Saint Laurent – which even if the lipstick had been of equal quality, at least it comes in packaging which makes carrying a compact mirror obsolete.

Going forward I shall never be wearing stands of pearls, linking my C’s as I doodle on notepads while on the phone or considering getting a chin length bob with a tan.

Yours with a bitter fair well

Emma Davidson

P.S. I’m only bitching about the make up and not the wicked slides I have – they are still rocking!

July 21, 2008

YERRR REALLY HIDEOUS

It is no secret – I have been really vile lately. To everyone. To myself. To one person in particular who I think the world of and I have been a TOTAL loser. To other people who I have met along the way and really wasn’t thinking clearly. I can’t scrub any of that out. I wish I could. But I’m so like Cher on a warship right now you’d be like confused as to who was who. You Get Me?

So what changed? Well having someone unhappy with me really wasn’t a good look. But waking up and feeling homesick and hung over and dreading another day unfolding. It felt like a long time ago. I really thought those days were far behind me. The turning point came when Fambles came over and watched TV with me. I did nothing but lie there while Fambles watched some show about the pilgrimage to Mecca. We didn’t speak. Then today was the cure: I got the opportunity to have a big cry in an office with a man I just met [I don't know why - I always find men easier to talk to, especially strangers] and then I scooted off into town to meet Fambles again and go shopping. It was so good to have some serious old jokes times on a spiritual level.

*******
I just tried to explain two of the best jokes from the day and one involved preferring to get AIDS than have unprotected sex and the other about a guy with a camo backpack who walked past us. Neither joke translates at all.
*******

So yeah, the storm is over for now. I’ve been a dick. I was totally why u onnu bad mind? Like totally getting your period in a posh pair of expensive knickers. The worst. [This did not actually happen - it was an allegory: i.e. ON A PAR]

xx Lektrogirl

July 16, 2008

SO EMO RIGHT NOW

Jo Apps sang this tonight at Hot Breath Karaoke at my request. It started something deep inside of me. Which revved like an engine fuelled by double Frangelico’s [my own plus the ones for Mr Chips cause he didn't like his mixed with coke] and the 2-4-1 Cocktails. I fucking changed gear by the end of the night when this came on:

And by the time I got home, Mr Chips has told me to “Fuck Off” and I was sobbing down the phone to The Twin “Ohhh my God I don’t know what I am going to do!! His eyes are too close together!!!”

Already my hangover is starting to knock on my door. I am by no means sleepy after sleeping all day and not being able to sleep all night from coughing the last few nights.

Perhaps I should take the advice of the The Twin and just go to bed…

xx Lektrogirl

[P.S. this is sounding pretty tragic isn't it?! OJ LOL]

OMG and on a random note – Denzel Washington! I feel just like him when he is an alcoholic in that great movie – fuck what was it called?! I can’t remember but I wrote about it before on my blog. I watched it with Seb in Hamburg. It was INCREDIBLE.

July 7, 2008

FLICKR FIGHT

Scroll down to see the exchange between me and Miss Plum

I just wanna comment back “O HAI – I’m so happy for you, smugface!”

June 12, 2008

THE ORIGINAL THUG MISSES

Who is in the hot seat this weeeeeeeek? Poor-sha Foxx from Atlanta’s V-103 radio station…. Poor-sha…..Poor-sha…Poor-sha…..How dare you try and disrespect the Queen????????????? Bitch…. You fell in the booby-trap and gave me the ammunition that I needed!! Yesssssssssssss! You looked cute in your orange suit!!! LMAO!!!!!! We all the same behind them walls… Did they turn you out in there Poor-sha????? Ohhhhh… I forgot….. You was bull-dagging before you went in!!!!!!!!

Nowwwwww……As yall know from the blog I wrote last week about hating ass bitches at these radio stations and at BET…… We have some serious problems that need to be addressed because there’s some serious hating going on ….. These bitches not wanting to play the Queen’s music and the Queen’s videos!!!! Refusing to play requested songs and turning bitches mic’s down during interviews…….Cheron of Detroit Senior!!!! See….. I am tired of you hoes tryna make interviews one-sided, screening calls allowing all the haterz through! Having a bitch on your show for drama to gain ratings…… And I have been intercepting the ball on you hoes……Taking Nasti Muzik to VICTORY!!!

This bitch invited me on her show and didn’t ask one thang about my album…. Dis bitch still bringing up old shit, still mad about me roasting her ass 6 years ago! Talkin bout……She didn’t like my video… You crackhead drug addict….. The only video you ever had… Was on Fox 5 News when Dekalb County was carrying your drunk ass to Rice Street…. Why didn’t you wanna talk about that Poor-sha????? Why didn’t you wanna talk about that felony drug possession, driving under the influence, driving with a suspended license and expired tags Poor-sha????? Let’s talk about that!!!!! Let’s talk about how the last time you tried the Queen…. You lost your job and your house…. In less than 30 days!!!!! Oh….. I forgot….. You did have another video…. The video of your house burning down after you intentionally set it on fire for the insurance money!!!!!!! Chile boo!!!!! Let’s talk about it Poor-sha!!!!!!! Why you in there hollering security…..Tryna make the listeners think that I was in there acting like a damn fool……. Now they see that you was the only fool on the set!!!!!

How could you even think about trying me after all this dirt I got you???? Poor-sha…. Poor-sha……Poor-sha???? You are a pussy-blower!!! Bitch why did you have security in there with ya??? Were you scared??? You had every intention on starting some shit with the Queen!!! Tryna make it seem like a bitch was acting immature and ignorant!!!! Bitch dats just how you were acting……And I got it all on tape…… Bitch you was looking stressed and disturbed and I was smiling and looking fabulous the whole time! Cutting the mic down and over talking my fans…… Bitch was you high???? I got you on tape doing this unprofessional shit…….Looking like a damn Ant Eater!!! You like bird trees and nose candy….. You drunken bitch!!!!! Gold teeth and tattoos… Is that all you could come up with Poor-sha???? Gold teeth and tattoos is Hip-Hop bitch and I am a representative of Hip-Hop…. The female Pac…. Bow down Bitch!!!!!!!
Nasti Muzik 08!! Im here to be the voice of those who are coming behind me… Im the only bitch that is strong enough to put you bitches on BLAST!!!!!
The Queen has spoken….And enough is enough!!!! Imma let the people know about the real Poor-sha!!! The nasty, conniving, slick-slimmey Poor-sha… Bitch Imma have your job cuz you are officially fired!!!! Remember Me…. Uh-huhhhh!!

Bitch you were jealous and intimidated, you tried to hate and come for me but bitch you fell for the booby-trap. Full promotion for Nasti Muzik 08.… The streets are talking…..And its not about you, Stephanie….Are you any kin to Slim Cutty Calhoun??? Bitch you wanted me to put my foot 6 ft off in dat ass…That’s why I had my hair pinned up in a bun ready for warrrrrr!!! You betta had dat damn security in there!!!! With your lifeless, drawed up ass… I thank you for helping me expose the haterz that lurks at radio stations!!!!! I got your blank ass on candid camera!!!!! You proved that what I had been blogging about is true! Radio stations are some hating ass bitches… Be sure to watch the full video on Myspace/Khia or Youtube.com under Khia on V-103!!!!! Team KHIAAAAAAA! Another touchdown!!! Nasti Muzik 08!!!!! Be sure to request the music at your local radio stations, BET and MTV. If they don’t play it, change the station!!! Its 2008 people and its time for change!!!

Number1 With or without them, the streets are talking!!!! Nasti Muzik 08!!!!
Thanks to my baby Weezy for all the love that he sent on the Carter 3. My baby said……. Yo back, Yo neck…… Funny how the song aint got old yet… To us!!! Nasti Muzik 08!!!!LOLOLOL!!!! Don’t get comfortable!!!!!

Posted by Khia on Sunday, June 08, 2008 at 4:29 PM

Wow – Khia is one eloquent and succinct bitch!

xx Lektrogirl

April 29, 2008

GETS UP MY NOSE

Fake ass people die

Well this is what gets up Reh Doggs nose. I haven’t bothered to check up on him lately but I have to say I really love this video.

Now, I will tell you what gets up my nose:

1] the improper use of the term ‘manic depression’ and all it’s derivatives/applications. [Alex T - what is the proper way of saying what I want there?]

So to make this clear to everyone, technically speaking, you don’t mean what you think you do when you go on about being ‘manically depressed’. Manic depression [apart from being a frustrated miss, just ask Jimi Hendrix] is a psychiatric condition marked by alternate periods of elation and depression. The ‘manic’ part actually refers to the intense elation.

2] Getting hung up on. It drives me INSANE. To the point of storming over to someone’s house and pounding on their door to finish what I was saying at one in the morning.

xx Lektrogirl

February 26, 2008

BAD BREAKUPS

I was just on the phone to my mothers saying both good morning and good night to each other. Still weird after 13 years. My little nephew said he wants to come and live in London “Cause people get to stay up all night there.” He has quite grasped the sun and moon thing properly. Anyway – Mutts and I were talking about tea cups. Then I went and checked my email and saw the mail she had forwarded to all the family members, which had originated from her work friends. Usually I have seen the things she has sent round before, but I hadn’t seen these.

How I laughed!


LOL! The best part is the bad spelling. I would feel a dick head if I misspelled a megadis like that. The SMILE on the windshield is a nice touch.


This idea is so good I wish I had thought of it.


Also nice, but cost prohibitive expensive.


I’m certain that this would have felt SO good. And by the looks of his possessions strewn over the front lawn, she was better off without him anyway.

xx Lektrogirl

January 30, 2008

KOOKKIEE’S HATERS

Yeah bitch, hate on it!

xx Lektrogirl

August 4, 2007

TYPICAL


Screw you too

xx Lektrogirl

June 5, 2007

MOVE BITCH

Fuck Shanita Blah Blah, this one is for XXCENSOREDXX

This morning I was woken up at 6am by a phone call. Thinking it was someone from home calling to tell my there was something wrong with my Dad I answered, only to discover it was Paul’s ex-girlfriend calling, wasted, looking for Paul.

OH NO! The fight’s out
I’ma ’bout to punch yo…lights out
Get the FUCK back, guard ya grill
There’s somethin’ wrong, we can’t stay still
I’ve been drankin’ and bustin’ two
and I been thankin’ of bustin’ you
Upside ya motherfuckin’ forehead
And if your friends jump in, “Ohhh gurrlll”, they’ll be mo’ dead

What is it that Paul used to say when I was in a bad mood? Something like “Watch out for da big gurrrl!!”

HO!

Lucky for her, I am not standing near enough to her with a jewel encrusted mobile phone to fling it in her face just like Naomi Campbell.

Infact – make that CHEAP HO!

In other news, Dog Face, the ex-girlfriend of XXCENSOREDXX sent a parcel to Jo-Jo for XXCENSOREDXX at work today. What a coincidence. And a good reason to sing “who let the dogs?” out again which I didn’t get the chance to do for a while. Just when you thought the bad smell has gone…

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