Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

March 7, 2011

LAST NOTE FROM AUSTRALIA

it si brilliant when you overhear someone say “cUppAcino”. You know you have really arrived home.
Food is cheap, wetther is good, cars are old and the g’days come free. There are things like proper restaurants now, the best gallery in the world (build in an excavated cave no less showing everything from old coins to waterfalls displaying words generated by google in jets and everything in between)
Only Hobart lives in London spending life as a cat and the largest monolith in my life is called Anthony.
After three days with my mother I know only too well how it is with nuclear strength I can work happily alongside my boss who seems to thrive on stress – as much as she denies it.
There is an escalator somewhere putting me off. Im going to go buy a solo or something.

October 1, 2010

AUSSIE 90′S DANCE CHARTS

Great music channel on Youtube if you are interested in looking up other wonderful hits: Euphoria, Sasha, DJ Darren Briais Vs DJ Peewee Ferris. And check the Dannii Minogue videos for the real shape of her face before surgery.

And a lot of Aussie hip hop – cover versions of Mama Said Knock You Out by Defryme [?!] – Sound Unlimited – kind of the Aussie version of Collapsed Lung I’m sure… ;) and the Islander “Boys in Black” rapping with American accents in a weird kind of Bogan styled New Jack Swing until it busts into “More than a Woman” – More than a woman can stand..

And I will pay anyone a dollar who can make it through the whole three something minutes of everyone’s Indie Darling’s Frente! singing Bizarre Love Triangle with an Aussie accent. If you can’t make it don’t worry – there is the all stopped pulled Bjorn Again to cure all that is wrong with the world.

Ahhhh

Dont you feel so much better now?

May 31, 2010

THE DUST NEVER SETTLES

If I make quickly take this opportunity to quickly correct my last post – I couldn’t have got it more wrong – Jess’ movie is called “THE DUST NEVER SETTLES” and I loved it. The music was by The Dirty Three and Hobart who was asleep next to me was twitching the whole way through – she must have felt the fingernails down a blackboard vibes from me – but the images of Australia and the characters Jess & Spenny met included in the film are great. All the shots of the world passing by from their moving vehicle reminded me of being a really little girl looking out the window of my Dad’s Ford as we drove around Australia.

I don’t know if Jess has a website or any links or anything anywhere – a google search turned up nothing – but I will try and fish around for more when I see her on Tuesday at work.

Bravo.

April 25, 2010

HEMISPHERE CHANGE

As the hemisphere changes and I end up standing the opposite way to the centre of gravity from 24 hours ago so does my taste in men change, it seems. It is funny how the smalled detail changes everything. For example, waiting for the sniffer dog beagle to go through everyone’s luggage I saw this guy with a short beard all the way down his neck and hair kinda short, bit neanderthal looking but worth looking at twice. BUT ONLY IN AUSTRALIA .

Yes – a small percentage of these guys here will have a bullet engraved with your name before he shoots you point blank in the head and drives off in his ute after you cheated on him with his best mate (or not) – but THE MAJORITY probably work on a farm, winery, have a fishing boat – healthy out doorsy lifestyles know how to shear sheep – all of which infers hot and sweaty rumbles in any of the afpremntioned venues. And he can brobably hold you up against the wall while he is doing it. Gays – something for you too cause some of these men are gay too. Only a percentage more than the psychos but def worth a nod and a wink in the local bush ‘hotel’ (i.e. Pub).

A man of similar appearance in the UK is either a) Australian and there to promote the wine from his family estate or b) a British nutter and the only job he could get is working for the council getting weeds out from between the paving stones or picking litter from the motorways at night (that is a real job). The British version lives with his mum, will set up spycams to watch you poo, stalk you and kill your cat. Before tying you up with those plastic tie things, losing his erection, crying and having to shoot himself leaving his brains all over your face.

I just re-read that. I don’t know what has happened to me in my life to make me think about things like that. But there is my whole psyche on a plate I guess.

On another note, it’s ANZAC day here so a minutes silence for our war heros. LEST WE FORGET.

March 18, 2010

THE COCONUT REVOLUTION

The Coconut Revolution (2001, 50min)

The Coconut Revolution is a 2001 multi-award winning documentary film about the struggle of the indigenous peoples in the Bougainville Island. The movement is described as the “world’s first successful eco-revolution”.

The movie tells the story of the sucessful uprising of the indigenous peoples of Bougainville Island against the Papua New Guinea army, Papua New Guinea Defence Force, and the mining plans of the RTZ company to exploit their natural resources. The documentary reveals how the Bougainville Revolutionary Army (BRA) managed to overcome the blockade strategy carried by the papuan army by using coconut oil as fuel.

I was blabbing about Mikael from Denmark today on someone’s Facebook page who told me a funny story about a rat in the basement of the Superflex building in Copenhagen. I was thinking about Mikael – as I do often and he is a buddy I wish I could see more often. I was reminded of travelling to Copenhagen once where The Outbreak Cru played at Culture Box and the movie before their set was The Coconut Revolution.

If you have 50 minutes to spare, try and make it through this incredible story of amazing, inspirational people.

September 15, 2009

RIP MIKE LEYLAND

This was my favourite show when I was a kid.

Travel all over the countryside! Ask the Leyland Brothers!

xx Lektrogirl

January 27, 2009

CHINESE AUSTRALIA DAY

Here is a quick photo diary from the Chinese New Year Australia Day celebrations at work on Monday.

Nat announces herself “the token aboriginal” [HER words NOT mine!] while she decorates reception with the flags she made painting with cotton buds and face wipes cause she didn’t have any paint brushes.

Sam scoffs a few Twisties after we lay out the Aussie part of the spread – the majority of which was junk food.

Barbecue Shapes, Cheezles, Twisties, Larks Distillery Apple Liqueur [that we drank in Cava], Tim Tams, Cherry Ripes, ANZAC biscuits [as featured in The Booyah Cook], Milo and Lamingtons.

Kingaroo made Chicken and Black bean, Noodles and Spare Ribs and some other stuff that I can’t remember. Some of the best ribs I ever had.

And here I am [as photographed by Sam] scoffing an ANZAC in front of our celebratory display.

A shame I didn’t get a picture of Hayley accepting the Australian Souvenir Tea Towel which was my present to the office for accepting an Australian into the fold or of Lauren who was dressed in her Chinese dressing gown for most of the afternoon as part of the celebration.

xx Lektrogirl

January 25, 2009

THE BOOYAH COOK: ANZACS

So as I described in my previous post, we are having a party at work and I needed to make some Anzac Biscuits. I thought I would take the opportunity to use it as my first in my other new blog item “The Booyah Cook”. This segment will focus on easy recipes which are pretty booyah.

So, here is the recipe*:

Anzac Biscuits Recipe

My sister and I grew up with this particular recipe. It never made 48. We would also sometimes use muesli instead of oats cause we liked sultana and dried apricot in it. It is a pretty freestyle kind of thing. Probably chopped blanched almonds would be good.

There are no eggs or milk in the recipe just a hunk of butter and a gang of golden syrup. Golden Syrup – SO GOOD. These biscuits would have to last in tins from Australia and NZ to the soldiers in the trenches. I don’t know how they survived the journey but they did. If anyone knows the chemistry on that please let me know. BUT melting the butter and the golden syrup is the only ‘fancy’ thing to do.

[In a side note, Grissom left the CSI lab for good, only to trek off into the forest in Costa Rica to sneak up on Sarah Sidle and they have a huge big romantic pash. Not only is it gross because he is all beardy weirdy with a sweaty paunch, but it is also funny cause she is a lesbian in real life. Obviously this highlights her as a great actor though because she can also play 'straight'.]

Basically for Anzac biscuits you get all the ingredients and moosh them together into this and put it out on trays. Then you shove them in the oven for about 12 minutes and they come out a bit like this:

My oven was running a little hot but it is so tricksy I can’t turn it down without it turning itself off. Even so the end result??!!

BOOYAH!!

xx Lektrogirl

* Please note: this recipe uses AUSTRALIAN measures. Fuck knows how it is that UK, US and AU measure can all be different but they all are.

AUSTRALIA DAY

Tomorrow it is Australia Day. Just to make it confusing, it is almost already Australia Day back in Australia. Australia Day commemorates the the arrival of the First Fleet in 1788. It was decided by the British that new penal colonies needed to be sought after the Brits lost colonies in North America. Some Aboriginal people call it Invasion Day and burn flags, but some also call it Survival Day cause they recognise that the indigenous people and their culture were not completely wiped out by the British. It is all a bit confusing. I am all a bit confused cause I have spent my whole adult life living in London – that will be 14 years in May – British or Australian sometimes I don’t know.

Tomorrow is also the start of the Chinese New Year. So at work in a double celebration we are going to have a big feast for both days in one. My contribution will be ANZAC Biscuits [oh my favourite story is of Simpson and his donkey] and some Apple Liqueur from Larks Distillery in Hobart. King is cooking barbecue spare ribs!! Hayley is having a go at Lamingtons, Sam is bringing in crap from the Australia shop. The Australian and Chinese have enjoyed a really wonderful relationship from the 1850’s in the gold rush when the Chinese came to try their luck and scalped for their efforts. In later years, the Chinese were branded under some “White Australia Policy” as “The Yellow Peril”. The relationship has grown to be more fruitful and positive however with influences of Chinese cuisine and culture to the Australian landscape being very dear to many Australian’s hearts. You only need to go check out China Town in Sydney to see it stretches for blocks with some AMAZING restaurants. We don’t do number 10’s and a special fried rice there. Real Aussies know the difference between Pak Choi, Choi Sum and Bok Choi.

Anyway, my personal secret favourite place to go for a little but of homesickness relief – and I have to say those days are fewer and further apart – I always go into Milkbar on Bateman Street for a Soya Latte and sometimes scrambled eggs or toasted Turkish bread and Vegemite. As illustrated below:

God – Turkish bread and Vegemite – there is a paradox when you think what happened at Gallipoli! But please note the amount of Vegemite applied to the bread. That is how you do it. No more. Or it is HORRIBLE.

Milkbar is the only place in London that makes a good coffee with soya milk. [Well Milkbar and Flat White on Berwick Street of course cause they are run by the same people.] I also prefer Milkbar cause it is less crowded. My only criticism – and I am sure Pippa will join me on this – is that the sweet treat selection does leave something to be desired. I’m tired of cupcakes and never really been one for flapjacks. In the days of Maison B I would run up the road to get the coffees in and she would run upstairs to the patisserie for something sweet.

xx Lektrogirl

October 11, 2008

ARE YOU MULKURUL?

Today I have achieved an mountain of tasks and watched a megalith of movies from the quality position on my sofa. One of which was the 1977 film by Peter Weir, The Last Wave. It is a trance inducing movie about Aboriginal law, Dream Time and rain, rain, rain. As I watched it – not only was I freaked out in the same way I was when I watched Picnic At Hanging Rock as a girl – but I thought about actually how much I have absorbed my culture which has been influenced by the Aboriginal Dream Time, their talking story and the tribal laws. Which might sound a bit random, or indeed a bit confusing to a lot of people who are convinced that Australians are all racists and bigots, but we come into contact every day with the story of the native Australians, their art work, their mythology. Even Aboriginal heritage is is used by “White Australia” [which I have to point out even includes the Greek, Italian, Chinese, Vietnamese, Somalian, Thai & Islander inhabitants - it is a general sweep name for non-Aboriginals] as symbols of the country – Uluru, Aboriginal art for example. Anyway – what am I talking about? I suppose to say I am comfortable believing in the Dream Time too. And this movie seems very real and true – even though it is creepy, it is also very comforting. Here are also some pictures from the movie here.

Moving right along cause I don’t feel I know how to explain what I mean and do it justice without sounding too hipping and about to sit on a canvas and bleed menstrual fluid all over it and call it art…

I also watched episode 1 and 2 of The Shield from Season 7. “Da Da Daaaaah” [If you watch it you know what I mean.] Vic Mackie is still a bald headed walking weasle thick necked prick phallic symbol figured testosterone pumped lump of a man. Bring back Antoine Mitchell! Though I can’t wait to see more episodes of him in Law And Order AS A COP. Such a head fuck.


Another little something from LA.

SO another pull at the EMO heart strings – I watched the first episode of season 9 CSI. Remember how last episode of season 8 Warwick Brown gets it in the head with a 25 it close range?!! Obvs I’m not going to ruin the plot to tell you that he FUCKING GOES AND DIES. Grissom cried. I BALLED MY EYES OUT. Even NICK STOKES cries at the funeral. I was texting Pippa as I watched it.

º¤ø„¸ ~R.I.P~ ¸ „ø¤º°
¸„ø¤º°¨WARRICK BROWN“°º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø
¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„¸ 2pac 4 live ¸ „ø¤º°
¸„ø¤º°¨ 1971-1996 !“°º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø ¤ø„
¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„¸ ~R.I.P~ ¸ „ø¤º°
paste this if tupacs greatest rapper in tha world

xx Lektrogirl

August 28, 2008

DEATH BAG

Sorry about the boob everybody but while browsing Flickr for more pictures for lameatnames.com I came across this beautiful picture – not cause of the girls, or their clothes or the tit hanging out, the nature strip or the houses or the cars – but because the blond girl is clutching what is commonly known from my part of Australia as “A Death Bag”. It is one of the inner bags from a cardboard cask of wine – and that’s how we do at parties back at home. The silver one’s are cooler than the clear plastic ones [they look like colostomy bags] but either way, whatever is in them has so many preservatives in the ‘wine flavoured drink’ [lolz] that the morning after you feel like fucking death. Hence the name. You Get Me?!

Yesterday as I said the Troll came over and did my garden. It was amazing. In two hours the Troll totally changed the whole place. I keep looking at it in surprise – it is so incredible! But whatever happened in the garden yesterday has meant that a huge number of insects have come inside [are they angry?!] and I woke up this morning itching like crazy. Then I packed my record back full of tools and screws and DIY stuff and trundled round to the Troll’s grotto and put some shelves up. I can’t tell you how great these last two days have been. I mean – I’m totally broke right now and have been working super hard at my job and keeping myself in line – there are a lot of things I could be miserable about. But then these simple pleasures come along… I’m really getting old right?! Only I’m now covered in another set of itchy bites this time from being shut in the cupboard doing these shelf things…

I went to Mc Donalds for dinner tonight because I was too knackered to do anything else. It was a big treat – I had a 6 nugget meal with OJ and curry sauce plus a cheeseburger on the side. Thank Allah there was actually an burger in there this time. Last time I was there, I got a cheese burger with ONLY CHEESE in it!! The shame!!

Seriously looking like this I knew I was gonna spend the night alone. Anyway while I was there, three youths came in and as one of them was ordering, one of the trio ‘lighthoused’ him so he was standing there in just his boxers with his trackie dacks round his ankles. Massive LOLZ.

Here is the Tarte Tartin thing I cooked yesterday. It is massive mauled cause already a lot got eaten and then I kept picking at it. But yerrr it was good.

Sorry I’m talking bullshit now. Yerrr so that is a deathbag!

xx Lektrogirl

July 24, 2008

ABBA GO YOU MUG

For the record, I don’t even really like ABBA but I have just really got into them when they sing in other languages. Also, it is kind of fitting – a lot of the customers today have been Aussies too – Muriel’s Wedding and all.

Commendations to the creator of this video who has spent some time with the Windows Movie Maker software using every transition possible. Perhaps they would use OneTrueMedia these days – the method of choice for modern pimps.

xx Lekrogirl

P.S. Gotta add

Watching this does give me spiritual homeland vibes chills up my spine. You can take the girl out of Australia but you can’t take Australia out of the girl.

July 8, 2008

FOR THE OCKERS

I got this list in an email from my Mum, The Mutts, this morning:

You know you’re Australian if…..

1. You know the meaning of the word ‘girt’.

2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

3. You think it’s normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

5. You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son’s pencil case when he first attends school.

7. When you hear that an American ‘roots for his team’ you wonder how often and with whom.

8. You understand that the phrase ‘a group of women wearing black thongs’ refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

9. You pronounce Melbourne as ‘Mel-bin’.

10. You pronounce Penrith as ‘Pen-riff’.

11. You believe the ‘L’ in the word ‘Australia’ is optional.

12. You can translate: ‘Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.’

13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

14. You call your best friend ‘a total ba$tard’ but someone you really, truly despise is just ‘a bit of a ba$tard’.

15. You think ‘Woolloomooloo’ is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

16. You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin.

18. You understand that ‘Wagga Wagga’ can be abbreviated to ‘Wagga’ but ‘Woy Woy’ can’t be called ‘Woy’.

19. You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread.

20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

21. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says ‘cobber’.

22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

24. You still don’t get why the ‘Labor’ in ‘Australian Labor Party’ is not spelt with a ‘u’.

25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.

26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

27. You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them.

28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

29. You understand that ‘excuse me’ can sound rude, while ’scuse me’ is always polite.

30. You know what it’s like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

31. You understand that ‘you’ has a plural and that it’s ‘youse’.

32. You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call ‘Anzac cookies’.

35. You still think of Kylie as ‘that girl off Neighbours’.

36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs – just in case you’re trying to sneak in fruit.

37. You believe the phrase ’smart casual’ refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants.

42. You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

Now – here are the JOKES!!

I sent this list to Covvo and Cazza and neither of them knew what GIRT means [number 1].
So I refreshed their memories: “National Anthem Ladies!”
To which Cazza replied “I thought it was DIRT by sea!!”

MEGA LOLLAPALOOZA

The SHAME Cazza – THE SHAME!!!

xx Lektrogirl

June 20, 2008

OZ ROCK

Everything from Australia isn’t jokes back from home.

Pseudo Echo – Listening

The Church – Under The Milky Way

xx Lektrogirl

OH and the delicious Caz Facey has reminded me of Aunty Jack

Fuck Me…

May 29, 2008

END OF THE ROAD

And I mean the Australian brand, COUNTRY ROAD!!

This video of Boyz II Men shopping probably isn’t gonna be all that funny to anyone who doesn’t have an accent like they star in the Sheila’s Wheels commercial BUT I can’t believe that BIIM are in Country Road going off the heezy at the gear available AND PICKING UP BLUNDSTONE BOOTS. Those boots are made round the corner from my mother’s house in Hobart. The Blundstone Boot factory absolutely stinks of glue and leather but it isn’t nearly so bad as the factory nearby that makes Weetbix [as we call them at home.] That smells like beery bready vomit.

xx Lektrogirl

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