Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

July 3, 2010

INTERNET DATING V

OH HAI! Yes there I am in Nantes reflecting upon my love life and the philosophy of Internet dating.

Okay so let’s talk about profile pictures. I sometime check out the women’s pics but of course this is problematic because on most dating sites you get to see who has viewed you. Like how on Friendster it was made clear who was spying on you and how many times a day. Remember that? So annoying! Anyway that is why my information is about 49% of the population and not the rest.

Some key notes:

PICTURES OF MEN WITH HATS
Bald

PICTURES OF MEN WHO CROP THE TOP SECTION OFF THEIR HEAD
Going bald

[For the record I will date any guy with any kind of hair except for a grey pony tail. BUT I could even imagine some exceptions here.]

FACE SHOT ONLY WITH “CUTE” SMIRK OFF TO THE SIDE
Fluffy [or as some less educated people will say: FAT]

[Again for the record: Check my U.B.M. segment number 1 on Teki Latex - SEXUAL!]

FEY LOOK SHOT FROM HIGH DIAGONAL ANGLE
Will be skinny and have an asymmetric spike hair cut like a lesbian which is pretty shit as lesbians now have short back and sides or femme hair and a red belt

GOOFY GENUINELY NICE SMILEY FACE
Will have photos off his face at a festival further on

GOOFY GENUINELY NICE SMILEY FACE WITH GLASSES
Guaranteed to have pictures of himself in his IT office given away by the Venetian blinds in the background

PICTURE OF HIS FACE WITH SLIVER OF SOMEONE ELSES CROPPED OFF
I don’t know what this means but I am incredibly suspicious of these

I of course use the Photoface[TM] pics at any given opportunity. They might as well get the gist of my face with botox because I will be fucking on a botox drip in the next 5 years to keep up the lie about my age. [I switched my age back after getting a message from the Ginger Tom]

Now I REALLY REALLY THINK that online sites should have certain sentences banned from use to force people to come up with something more imaginative.

HATE NUMBER 1: I am looking for someone who is “comfortable in their own skin.” Bleurgh. Sounds horrible and slimy sexual like getting rubbed with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. And I think I prefer someone a little awkward who will realise that everyone has a bad day and wants to explode out of themselves. Thinking about it, people who describe themselves as “comfortable in their own skin” probably shit really regularly and have the same breakfast every day.

I am getting bored of this post  so I will stop now or write more later. I have a sore throat and was shopping all day with The CIB. She put in a request that I sing Au Clare de la Lune on the Hobart Ukulele which I might go and do now wearing nothing but my new snakeskin high heeled sandals in the front window with the light on for the whole street to see.

Actually do you think it I should put that as my profile description to get a pretty good match for me?

December 23, 2009

FRIENDSTER

Remember Friendster? I just did and went back and looked at my page. Hohoho. Last comments were from 2003!!

My Friendster Profile

May 26, 2009

GRIS GRIS ANS

Just a sketch and something to do this evening.

To quote The G.A.: “Maaate, Never give in!”

xx Lektrogirl

January 31, 2009

I LOVE TO GOSSIP

Cold, bored, trying to keep myself busy with cooking, I stopped gossiping because I heard it was a bad thing to do. But I still kept hearing the gossip about who was banging who cause their flat mate overheard it and spread it around, and who was finally getting sex at last, who got cornered and got earful all about how horrid I am and who was pricking who out etc. I also stopped talking to much to my ex husband who was always great with the juice – but his source dried up when he stopped talking to someone else over too much gossip and bitch talk… LOL. So – the world goes on it seems as hypocritical as ever which is fine by me cause now I have less of a guilty conscience. But fuck I’m bored.

I wasn’t on Thursday when I met Antoinette for lunch at Leila’s Shop in East London. She sent me a great diss text while she was waiting for me that read “Did I just see you walk past with a pink bag and bottle of water.” LOL. Pink bag & bottle of water? I might as well have had a yoga mat as well.

No way.

But she did see me eat some eggs straight from the pan and some beetroot and horseradish and drink three coffees.

AND WE HAD A GREAT GOSSIP.

xx Lektrogirl

January 3, 2009

декабрь, Москва 2008


декабрь, Москва 2008, originally uploaded by im_foto.

This year I find beautiful man, with beautiful wallet, with wonderful taste in beautiful clothes. Maybe he make me do naughty things in the bedroom but I don’t mind. I even start smoking. It seems what the beautiful girls do. Also, I get hair straightener and hair curler. Two things I need. This year I find beautiful man.

xx Lektrogirlka

January 1, 2009

OKAY I ADMIT IT

Yep yep I guess I suppose to realise it is time to admit it to myself – I have now watched EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE HOUSE and I’m now watching CSI Miami in desperation for want of something better. Jesus.

UPDATE!
Calleigh’s lip plumping is one syringe too many I think. Mega LOL. When she does ’serious face’ she looks like she is sucking on two hot dogs. Mega mega LOL.

June 17, 2008

I’M SO SORRY

Hey everyone, I have to say sorry. I’ve been lying flat on my back for the last two days with the sorest neck muscle spazz out since days. The Cardinal came over with bread, three cheeses, prossecco and pain killers. Oh and an Old Jamaica. She also brought her new R Kelly record over ‘Why U Wanna Play Me’. Tears of joy. Silverlink, my doppelganger (I mean LOOK at us both – tall, shaggy hair and glasses), has kept me company online with chats of cake, coffee, ganache, macaroons and praline. And now in bed all I can manage is to type this for a few minutes while watching a repeat of Law and Order SVU.

Please put up with me until I recover, or get a real soya latte from Milk Bar – whichever comes first. OH COOL! Real Life FBI files on telly now.

xx Lektrogirl

May 20, 2008

EVERYBODY’S GONE SURFIN’… SURFIN U.R.L.

L’il Money sleeps on the sofa so what should mbrain and I do but surf YouTube showing each other our favourites. As per usual I get embroiled showing ‘Dem Boys’ etc. We also check some other random shits, and now today I have time to go back through all the bookmarks and do some intense URL C.I.O.-ing.

Now – who remembers “EXPLICIT CONTENT ONLY” by Evan Roth. He is one bad ass mother fucker. EXPLICIT CONTENT ONLY is a project of his started in 1995 and is the entire N.W.A. Straight Outta Compton album edited down into just the “explicit” content.

It sounds like this:

Fabulously this project has been released on vinyl this year. So while reading all about that project I learnt about #BADA55 and #BADA55 In A Can. #BADA55 is the hexadecimal representation for light green and another one of Evan Roth’s projects. Anyway through reading about this, I discovered something which is indeed the true subject of this post called FUCK FLICKR. “FuckFlickr is open-source image gallery software that won’t narc you out.

And then I looked at a bunch more of the stuff on his Roth’s website. Then I got bored. Then I got cold. Then I turned the heating on.

xx Lektrogirl

October 7, 2007

IF YOU JSUT KNOW ME

Oh and something to do on a Sunday:

September 21, 2007

NICE PICTURE


Here is a cool picture of Katie, Kellie and Cissi from the blonde vs brunettes party Roxy promoted the other night.

Apparently Prancehall, Easychord and Brains are hanging out together eating wings and talking hip-hop. Brains said if I wanted to call by I was welcome, and I considered it cause any excuse for House of Wings – and I wanted to pick up my portable turntable but the thought of hanging out with guys… but I can almost smell the tube socks from here! And boys love hanging out together – watching YouTube videos and talking about hip-hop…. errrr hang on a minute…. that is what I am doing here on my own anyway…. Am I a boy?

I wonder what my friend Lu Weed is doing these days?

xx Lektrogirl

April 14, 2007

Weekend In Hamburg

I spent Easter in my beloved Hamburg seeing some of my bestie faves. It was a total chill out cause my head had been totally fried by my cold and hard work.

The first day in Hamburg can be summed up by me commenting an unused tampon rolling lonely down the Reeperbahn, having a lengthly converstation that a brand of tissues my friend Booty has is identical to a repackaged brand for sale in the UK, learning new German words by reading a kids magazine about horses. Schwein gehabt! It ended on an even bigger bum note cause there was some shit Hard Techno DJ’s at the Pudel. They were so boring even the DJ’s were sitting down.

The next night was EXCELLENT. Booty was DJing with Pirouette at Elbe76 – an awesome restaurant run by my friend Hannah. We had dinner and then drank a lot.

I managed to see the new Scooter video on MTV. It’s pretty weak.

It can be described as a cover version of Culture Beat’s Mr. Vain by H.P. Baxxter’s old band Celebrate the Nun.

I also got to catch up on Flavor of Love. If you didn’t catch it yet you should.

When Hottie served up the raw chicken she cooked in the microwave with vegetables stuff up it’s but I nearly laughed til I cried. And that one called New York! Mentalist!

Later dudes xx Lektrogirl

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