One thing I love about not living with Brains any more is that he always used to clap really loud when he walked in to the room when I was DJing at home. I never got why he did that.
One thing I love about not living with Brains any more is that he always used to clap really loud when he walked in to the room when I was DJing at home. I never got why he did that.
There were loads of poor translations on the menu at this place. We were laughing til crying. This is meant to be sea urchin. Also “deep fried” became “deep freezing”. Wrong.
And here is Bex and Joc in Bagutta. We went here twice. I wasn’t really feeling the food at this place that much to be honest, but I loved the story of the restaurant. Bagutta was a place back in the days that artists, journalists, writers, actors and creative types met. Then they decided that they would meet there regularly each week for meetings. Then they decided that anyone who couldnt make the meeting should be fined. Then they decided that the fine should be used as a literary award for the favourite book of each year. So the Bagutta is the first Italian literary award. All over the walls in the restaurants are pictures for the awards, but also pictures painted by the different artists who ate there which the owner of the restaurant accepted as payment and all the people present would sign it. Down another wall was the winner of the Bagutta each year going back to the 20’s or 30’s. Amazing. The artwork was beautiful. I loved it.
And this was the last thing I ate in Milan. It was fucking gross.
I have to stop here: I am listening to Paul DJing on React FM with DJ Magic. It is all over the fucking place. Some good tunes, but a really awkward mix between them. It is hurting me.
Fortunately then, I got to go. I am meeting Prancehall and ASBO at a secret location in North London for the possibility of hosting parties in our neighbourhood. Prancehall has already asked if there will be a full write up on my blog saying “XXCENSOREDXX is a fucking cunt. But I promised I won’t take any pictures unless someone pukes.
OH GOD… Now on the show Brains is playing that stupid Won Ton remix with the lamest chorus ever. IN BRAINS FAVOUR he played me some awesome new tunes round at his house today. Really brilliant.
I’m still feeling pretty out of it so I don’t know much sense this is going to make. DJ Brains came over today though to show me all the research he had been doing about his name “Brains” all over the internet.
MC BRAINS Oochie Coochie
The original video that is on YouTube is pretty awful, but this video made in one of those video booths is pretty incredible.
I guess DJ Brains wasn’t really busy today either cause he even went searching to find out what MC Brains is doing today in 2007. Of course – he has got himself his own MySpace page. Maybe he has Facebook but DJ Brains isn’t in his network yet.
“It was 1991 and everything changed overnight for Brainz. A friend who worked at the local Dennys called Brainz to let him know that Michael Bivins (of New Edition fame) and his entourage were dining at the restaurant. Brainz woke up mama and they were off to Dennys to take a leap of faith. After mamas quick introduction to Biv, Brainz was freestylin in the parking lot of the Dennys the next month he was on a plane to L.A. As Brainz puts it; it was just like Trading Places. He was on the Sunset Strip donning new clothes, meeting beautiful women and riding in luxe cars. He is part of Michael Bivins Biv 10; and now James DeShannon Davis is MC Brains.”
Having the secret access to the life of DJ Brains DAVIS I can honestly say that DJ Brains dreams and ambitions are not that far away from those of MC Brainz. Only DJ Brains is just waiting for Michael Bivins to walk into House of Wings. Or Tim Westwood. Whoever comes first.
My Saturday started so well – Pippa and I knocked the VAT on the head, we managed to work out iMovie together [I prefer Windows Movie Maker FYI] and she made this cute little movie about nearly all the food we ate all day.
You might think that is kind of a random thing to go posting first when I have such cool pics to show you, but trust me – this is going somewhere.
So, after work Pippa and I knocked a bottle of Rosé on the head with “finger food” sized portions of chips at the Coach and Horses. Then who should roll up but the old 7 Year Glitch crew with DJ Assault.
Happy Days. Everyone has their best Photoface[TM] on.
I lept up and introduced myself to DJ Assault with a big kiss although I have to say I couldn’t believe ASBO D would have the nerve to turn up smiling after the last time I saw him was in the Macbeth and he said to me “PREPARE TO FEEL THE FULL FORCE OF MY HATRED” with his eyes nearly bugging out of his head. I found it a bit sexual at the time. But more about the full force of ASBO’s hatred later.
DJ Assault has both his hands full with our F.U.P.A.’s
Hard to believe but true, I had cracked DJ Assault up with a few jokes ranging from some smutty innuendo offering to suck his dick [and I thought Americans didn't have that kind of sense of humour!] and also explaining to him what showerface means. And Pippa has a picture to prove it but I sure as hell hope this NEVER surfaces on the internet. In this picture, Philippa and I are trying to hold it together after DJ Assault explains in secret what F.U.P.A. means – and there I was thinking he had said ‘faux pas’ trying to tell him he had bad French. Little did I know it was an acronym for FAT UPPER PUSSY AREA.
DJ Assault with All Dem Hoes
What the fuck I look like I don’t know – I’m sideways and wider than everyone else in the picture. Philippa and Pippa have bonded after realising that they both have identical names – both Philippa Ann. Philippa found out today at some carnival that Pippa is Greek for blow job. I must remember to tell Pippa that when I see her next.
Like the end of a tin of Quality Street you always end up with an odd assortment.
Even so, isn’t my ex-husband beautiful? Next time XXCENSOREDXX you wanna go flirt with him, you better watch out cause I look at this picture and it just makes me want to hate you more you rat headed sharp faced hoe.
Big Ups to DJ Assault for keeping it straight edge with a secret exlir juice that Pippa was getting the bar to make for him. I thought he was into milk, but he told me that he doesn’t drink that any more cause he had to watch his physique. DJ Assault is so sweet and funny. I even got to see under his hat. He is perfect for cuddling.
I’ve only got a little bit of a crush on DJ Assault now. But I don’t really know how happy he is with me after I told him the girl on his t-shirt had no ass or titties. Tho’ that didn’t stop him from staring and my titties all night. He said he wasn’t but he so was!
So after a jolly night drinking ASBO sped off into the night with DJ Assault and we [I?] decided it would be an incredible idea to go to Trisha’s. I already had a skin full on an empty stomach.
I have to tell the whole world THANK YOU BRAINS and I’m so sorry for making those coupld of jokes you found too personal. You are my hero for staying with me until 4am in Soho while I puked my soul up. Then convincing the Somali cab driver I wasn’t to wrecked to take me home.
This song is for you:
Anway fans and party people, the last time I was ill like that was in Tasmania 10 years ago and my mother had to take me to the doctor to get an injection to make me stop wretching when there was NOTHING left. I had been longing for my old days for a while now – thinking “Life was so much more exciting when I was 25″ but I really know that I would rather be 35…
HOT CHOCOLATE: Emma
Spoke with Mum this morning and was telling her the latest with Nameless: All about this girl who he has been hanging out with. Apparently he told her “Emma thinks you hate her.” Do you HATE it when people do that? Particularly as Nameless is prone to do – get the whole thing arse about face – seeing as I actually hate this girl myself as Nameless has been telling me all about how he thinks that this girl might be flirting with him, and he isn’t actually particularly interested in ACTUALLY her, but to have sex with someone would be nice. I totally freaked out, completely heartbroken and cried for two days. My poor mother listened to the who boring story and then said “Emma, Nameless is a loser. I don’t know why you don’t just shut the door in his face and let him ruin his own life, instead of yours.” Having said that I know that Mutts actually likes Nameless too. But she does think he is a loser. Hahaha. I told her that she is right, but I don’t have anyone else to fix my wireless network when it’s down so to cut him out totally would be a mistake. She said “I see your point.”
In more jolly news, I went out with Brains, Philippa and James last night to Bar Du Marche for dinner. I had worked for Max in the office doing his personal accounts which was fun – we had lunch at the New Piccadilly and cunted a few people out while we worked. Then after finishing early, I went and hooked up with Philippa and James, had a glass of the WAG’s curse Rosé and we waited for Brains who had been hanging out with DJ Magic. Brains said Hi and gave a massive grin. His teeth were FULL of black shit – he had been talking all afternoon with Jerk Chicken between his teeth to DJ Magic. All night Brains was telling me “I’ve got Jammer’s number – why don’t you ring him?”
I can’t decide from dinner which picture is funnier. They both crack me up equally:
Dinner was really nice and plenty of jokes all round. I even told the story of getting hit by a car.
SISTERS OF MERCY: Emma
So what’s with all the Emma videos? At work, Roxy plays Roxanne a lot and we sing it to her [with our own lyrics] but we also have all being trying to think up songs for all the other names of the girls in our office. We need a Jo, Jess, Cissi, Kellie, Alice, Katharine and Emma is definitely covered thanks.
And on my final note right now – Nameless, please don’t make me have to roll up to the Old Blue Last one night in a blonde wig and glitter shoes to sing this at someone:
OMG scratch what I said yesterday about deleting the one Knifehandchop track off my iPod. Woke up this morning and got a comment on my MySpace from Knifehandchop who just friended me the other day saying “Lektrogirl is number one.” So yeah yeah mate… You too… We tight yeah… Yeah?
Speaking of my iPod I put Prancehall’s new mixtape Anger is a Gift on there at work. Yeah blud safe. Big mixer. It has four Brains tracks on there. Sadly all the shout outs I sent him from Lektrogirl didn’t make it – but I heard from Brains that ASBO D was helping Prancehall in the studio – maybe that is why the files went AWOL. Even so, there are a lot of my close personal friends “in the mix”.
My hang tight bruv with a big B, Jammer is on there:
Jammer does the Toxic Freestyle I gave him the idea for. You can see the moment I was whispering it in his ear right now.
Anyway the parts of the mixtape I heard were really good – but honestly I only get as far as Jammer and Toxic and put it on rewind and figure that after that it is all Brains tracks that I know fucking over and over anyway. But I’m sure the rest is good too.
P.S. I got so much more to write about but I late already for work. Wow, what a surprise. OH SHIT The Shield is on tonight.
Once upon a time, Paul and I used to spend time talking about music, art and holidays. Now it is a different story…
22:37:12: The girls ive imed are u, XXCENSOREDXX and lauren viera
22:37:29: dick rash city
22:37:46: DDDIIIICCCKKKK RASSSSHHHHH
22:37:54: im sure she has a cunt like a grater
22:38:00: i feel sorry for XXCENSOREDXX
22:38:01: I used 3 condoms
22:38:18: It was to make my dick look bigger tho
22:38:24: yeah – you put one on but had to stuff it with another two to stop it from falling off
22:38:34: But i didnt catch anything!
22:38:38: yeah you did
22:38:44: you caught herpes from tounging her
22:39:06: the scabs round your mouth were so bad they went up your nose
22:39:19: No i got hepatitis from slashing up her face…blood spatter
22:39:29: i thought you hated her
22:39:35: what are you talking to her for
22:40:21: Googletalk dummy…anyone who ever emails is automatically added to yr googletalk friends
22:40:35: Nimbuzz does googletalk
22:40:45: well when did she email
22:41:01: as i said = what are you takling to her for
22:41:06: you didnt answer the question
22:42:49: well – it kind of makes sense. she is short, scraggy hair and a bit cross eyed. she looks just like your type
22:43:00: and a total slut
22:43:07: She obviously wants 2 have sex with me, thats why she askeds me about it
22:43:11: i wonder if XXCENSOREDXX made her hallucinate
22:43:32: What so shed find me attractive?
22:43:42: yeh – im surprised you havent gone around telling me you think she is flirting with you already
22:43:47: cause she sent you some random email
22:44:27: I wouldnt do that
22:45:47: If an email is random thats all it is, yeah? Yr suggesting i make something out of nothing for some other reason
22:46:13: ive been thinking – i should just be proud of the work i have done with you.
22:46:41: i mean – you came here smelling, with a sock on your arm, in weird american clothes your mother bought, and nasty hair.
22:46:53: now you look amazing. and you know about presenting yourself
22:46:58: no wonder girls like you
22:47:09: it is just a shame so far it is just those whorey runts
22:47:32: XXCENSOREDXX is a midget, not a runt
22:47:43: so was XXCENSOREDXX
22:47:54: and so was her stupid tape assed dog
22:49:27: what is it with you and small girls? is it cause you have issues with your sexuality?
22:49:30: Whats wrong with a matching midget and midget dog?
22:50:05: you put your dick in one of them. only they were both so ugly you could never be sure which was which.
22:50:14: probably it was the dog that gave better head
22:50:21: with an asshole that was less hairy
22:50:38: Shit i forgot about that
22:50:47: Thx for reminding me
22:50:56: reminding you about what?
22:51:11: That bridgette had a hairy asshole
22:51:24: HAHAHAHAHAHA you never told me that
22:51:30: oh man
22:51:47: i guess you never knew if she was standing on her hands or her feet then cause she so ugly
22:51:52: cause you cant smell.
22:52:02: her breath would have been the only giveaway
22:52:09: I can taste tho remember!
22:52:20: im sure her mouth tasted like shit too
22:52:52: i know how much you love to kiss ass though – particularly when you think you are going to get a show or exhibition out of it
22:53:24: Yeah but asshole tasted of lice medicine, that was the giveaway
22:54:07: Her asshole, even
22:54:50: I was making a joke that she had lice but only on her anus hair
22:55:04: oh – too obscure. i out joked you. a point to me
22:55:39: Sure have a point if that makes u feel better
Sadly that point did make me feel a whole lot better. I wish I could tell you who XXCENSOREDXX is but my life wouldn’t be worth living if I did.
I did have a nicer conversation with Paul earlier when he was telling me all about Lynden in the HOUSE OF WINGS was talking about. He was saying that Lynden was complaining about all some West Indian coming in bitching cause he doesn’t serve rice and peas. And getting all dark saying “Well what kind of restaurant is this?” And Lynden saying “Barbeque” And the peep saying “But you’re from Trinidad. So where are the rice and peas?” And then Lynden was telling Paul “You’d never get a white person in here complaining.” So Paul was acting like he was from the American South asking for rice and peas and Lynden was ROTFLOL.
For those of you who haven’t seen it already here are the “sticky smokey bbq” + “it bunnin meh” 8 piece meal boxes, one with macaroni pie and bombay rice, the other with pie and slaw. 6 quid each.
Sad news on the grime scene today – you read it here first before this vital information ends up in VICE Magazine GRIMEWATCH – 2 top North London MC’s went round to see Brains to talk music. Sadly, HOUSE OF WINGS had a burst water pipe and was closed for business. All went home hungry. Boohoo. There might be a shanking.
BASTO – Rock With You
I don’t remembner wtf we were when we saw this but Brains was totally engrossed in this video every time it came on. And then when we got back to London we were trying to YouTube it and couldn’t remember the dudes name and couldn’t be bothered flicking through a gang of Michael Jackson Rock With You clips to find it.
Please also note these two incredible videos:
2 Brothers On The 4th Floor – Living In Cyberspace
AB Logic – HitMan
SHIT – I just realised it has been THREE years and there I was telling everyone it was two. Never mind – inviting people to our wedding I started off telling everyone I was getting married on the 8th and not the 9th.
So basically what I am trying to say is that three years ago today Brains and I got married.
You can view the award winning Wedding Invite website as honoured by Olia Lialina’s website competition.
Today I woke up and I feel totally miserable. Our marriage is revolting. I make jokes about it. But I just feel sad. I got nothing but grief from Brains’ father about it, Brains’ big sister and Brains’ exgirlfriend about it. And today I went into the living room to say Happy Anniversary to Brains who was asleep on the sofa. He farted on me.
I don’t like sad things. I love birthdays which are wonderful days. Mine is on December 1st – the first day of Summer [I'm from another country remember!] I’m just gonna look forward til then.
Here is the birthday boy ASBO D. He was co-ordinating everyone’s arrival via mobile. I was feeling very spiritual and cosmic about birthdays and things and had a lovely time at the party.
Bok bok contemplates the cocktail menu while the Mehune woman and the Potted Parrot get it on in a tall glass. Bok bok’s girlfriend Sara shares my passionate views about R. Kelly. She also wishes people wouldn’t go on about “In the Closet”.
Prancehall orders off menu and gets this glorious Strawberry Daiquiri. Later on the evening I started some esoteric conversation with Prancehall about homeless people and how I have no patience for beggers, the KLF who burnt a million pounds and other such things. Long.
Is that Pippa Brooks?
Paul’s Hot Buttered Rum.
Hysterial was swiftly averted just moments ago… I searched the house high and low for my Agent Provocateur Crista bra in fushia/pink and I couldn’t find it anywhere. It isn’t like I don’t have a dozen A.P. bra’s already [or infact that I just bought another one practically identical today...] it is just I wanted to wear THAT ONE today. I couldn’t image where it could have gone to. Maybe ASBO D had snuck into my flat while I was at work and snuffled through my intimates drawers [apparently Prancehall dressed as a girl and went to an Ann Summers party. No Homo?] Anyway – so I found my bra, my attack of the vapours subsided and now I am back in a jolly mood wondering if I should have bought the Clementine bra today as well. ASBO D I’m a 34B. You get me?
I’m waiting for Brains to send me the pictures of Thugly’s birthday the other night [Thugly = ASBO D]. All I have is this:
Wow! Frickin hot and totally sexual but I know Brains took some beauties at the party.
I’m so obsessed with this song:
Do you think David + Victoria Beckham paid for Victoria’s video and wrote it off against their personal tax bill that year? Victoria’s dancing leaves a lot to be desire. The two girls at that Real Gold party the other night in the 80’s evening dresses who fell over in the ghetto tech battle cause they were so drunk and tried to cover up with some floor humping moves [even tho' one ho had lost her shoe and the otherone had clearly lost more than her balance] has A LOT more going on that that. Dane is a pretty decent dancer for a white British man.
Now let’s analyse this:
WHO THE FUCK was the Art Director on this video?! Where did they pluck the idea for this from? Camden Market? Poor Another Level. HOW EMBARRASSING. Hey – I’ve got a great idea for the next Roll Deep video – let’s make them all wear lederhosen, take them to Bavaria and make them eat pork sausages! But back to the Another Level video – compare it with the following video from Sisters of Mercy:
I just had another brain wave! Let’s get Andrew Eldritch and Doktor Avalanche dressed in Cassette Playa t-shirts and Evisu jeans… Ahhhh that is impossible anyway… Doktor Avalanche is a drum machine…
More later xx Lektrogirl
P.S. What is the bet ASBO D clicked the link to check out what the Clementine bra looked like?
PAUL B. DAVIS [BEIGE]
30th MAY – 23rd JUNE 2007
PV WED 30th MAY 6PM
17 Kingsland Rd, London, E2 8AA
Paul B. Davis utilises outdated/obsolete computer technologies, including most notably Nintendo games systems, in order to perform specialist interventions into the territory of the digital art medium. While the materials utilised are ready-made, the use principle is entirely hand crafted; Davis altering the existing code while adding nothing new. This idea, the implemented projection of an alternative potential onto a ready-made object, exactly and succinctly captures the structured abridgement – between computers and art, between theory and praxis, ongoing in Davis’ practice.
Davis is a founder member of the pioneering programming ensemble, BEIGE, which also comprises Cory Arcangel (Team Gallery, NY), Joe Beuckman and Joseph Bonn. BEIGE members have subsequently used Davis’ hacked NES concept to create a distinct body of work that has been shown internationally. See www.post-data.org/beige
This exhibition comprises two large projections. One is a new NES hack that takes its form from the pirate video game cartridges that first alerted Davis to the possibility of intervening with games. These ‘multicarts’ often had for or five different games on one cartridge and echoing this, Davis is presenting five different works on one machine. Fittingly these pirated works are not all by Davis’ hand, as he loots excerpts from other BEIGE collective hacks, questioning authorship in the already grey area of software as readymade. The second piece is a new video, a collaboration with the trans-media collective Paper Rad, which accentuates and aesthecises artefacts inherent in video compression formats, particularly MPEG-4. A third work, in collaboration with Cory Arcangel, titled Fat Bits, is a triptych of monitors which presents close up images of an NHL ice hockey match, converted into imagery housed in a NES. Reminiscent of the timeless NES Ice Hockey game, these abstracted motions of brawling figures present a bacon-esque scene, groaning and grunting in a slow motion and distorted struggle.
Aesthetically Davis’ images are solid slabs of reordered, pure proto-modernist colour. With his alterations a new game, a new screen and a new surface emerges. The materiality of a hacked game cartridge, set into the instantly recognisable Nintendo console, guarantees that the recession into a purely two-dimension digital fold is never as total as it is in the work of other digital artists, the work remains an object. Further, the dizzying hyper-graphics of many related practitioners are surrendered in favour of the neat, blocky pixilation of the outdated NES operating system. This show also includes an installation featuring 8-bit Construction Set – an art/music/concept work rendered in vinyl which will be mounted on a record deck within the gallery, visitors being invited to play it out to their own satisfaction.
Quoting his influences as ranging from formalised British computing theory (Alan Turing) to the advent of widespread domestic console gaming (Mario), Davis has pioneered a truly unique strategy through a multiplicity of actions, networks and artistic creations. Davis’ practise is at once rigorous, conceptual – even nerdy, while nonetheless fully intimate with the patois, style, attitude and aesthetic of retrogressively inspired, data-bit multi-media contemporary culture, that has recently forced its way into the public consciousness.
Paul B. Davis, as part of BEIGE, has exhibited internationally at venues including the The Whitney Biennial 2004 (NYC), Vilma Gold (UK) Team Gallery (NYC) and Foxy Productions (NYC).
Home again and feeling very weird. My ears are totally messed up and my balance is gone. Today I went flying after tripping on a stone or the pavement or whatever and landed on my side in front of two black women and their kids. The women were saying “Sorry! Sorry!” to me and I could help but think “How bloody British is that for them to apologise!” I blinked back the tears and told them I was fine. But you should see my knee. Awesome brusing.
So, here are some fond memories to share with you from my trip home:
A common sight in any store that plays loud music.
My trip home also gave me 100% “Babe-Hair” [a term courtesy of Pippa Brooks]
Here Sam was taking my portrait.
I was also lucky enough to be present when Sam used the F word for the first time ever.
What a bogan.
It is clear that Brains missed me a lot. As soon as he got to my appartment after work he said “What’s for dinner?” As I was pretty out for the count, I made him organise it. And besides, I still haven’t forgiven him for this:
I also heard about this ‘amazing’ sounding town in Tasmania called Rossarden. Rossarden is the crime capital of Tasmania and all the most hardend crooks have gravitated there and totally run the town. Nobody wants to drive through there and even the cops avoid it. It is a one road in and out kind of town. Apparently, the locals of Rossarden decided they didn’t want the local shop any more so they burnt it down. The petrol station was also unwanted to that was burnt to the ground too. A few locals were forced to leave, and those that wouldn’t go, were buried six foot under.
Tonight my friend Gijs is in town. He makes amazing web projects and circuit bent stuff. More about him later if I can make it out to dinner tonight.
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