Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

December 20, 2007


I wish I could say I was awake at 5.30am because of jetlag but I got to tell you that some genius has a fucking rooster in the neighbourhood. Yesterday I accidently cut my foot. Blood etc. Still haven’t seen my neice and nephews yet. I hope to make it down to Salamanca today cause my Auntie told me where I can get bakelite jewellery from. XXCENSOREDXX has banned me from talking about XXCENSOREDXX any more. I want another coffee from Jackman and McRoss. They don’t open til like 7am though which is hours away. YGM. Long.

xx Lektrogirl

December 3, 2007

LIAR – 8.30pm

DJ Venom recommended I write an 8.30pm post as a nice contrast to this mornings post at 8.30am

I’m not feeling quite so full of the milk of human kindness [ergh - is that a euphamism for something else?] as I was this morning after churning out invoices all day.

And the YouTube post might be a bit random but I was looking for that Bros song LIAR to dedicate to someone, but then realise the song, like a real life liar, is aweful and I couldn’t be bothered and this advert was funnier. I wonder if the boys round my neighbourhood would by a scooter from guys dressed like that?

xx Lektrogirl

November 25, 2007


I’ve been listening to this Roisin Murphy song a lot lately – excuse the fucked video – there arent any on youtTube better – but there is something also amazing about the quality of it… I would normally consider this EMO lesbian music, but maybe that is where I am at the moment.

The other night, I just realised I lost my best friend. But he wasn’t even a real person – he was a complete figment of my imagination. He had lied to me about himself for years. Why I didn’t get out sooner I don’t know – I heard him talk story to all the other people in his life, but I thought I was safe. He promised me that we would be best friends no matter what. But all of that has seem to be forgotten. I just got bullshitted by a weak person. So many of my friends have been right – they just told me to be happy the whole thing with him is over. And I am.

I have also had a realisation that makes me get all EMO and lesbian for another completely the opposite reasons. I HAVE SO MANY AMAZING REAL FRIENDS AROUND ME WHO REALLY LOVE ME. I’m really looking forward to spending my birthday with some of them in London and some of them in Hamburg and my family in Tasmania.

It is gonna be non stop party, just like this:

And just as dirty.

More later cause I have to work on my appraisals today!

xx Lektrogirl

November 14, 2007


Today many things were longing me out. No internet, jobs piling up, meetings, notes. BLARGH.

BUT then something lovely happened. My number 1 assistant told me that he would take me on a date [I was whinging at lunch and he was joking] then blushed. Then I asked him to get me a chocolate bar from the shops if he really meant it. He said that I was the kind of girl who liked expensive chocoalte though. I told him that I like cheap mint chocolate and an Aero would be amazing. Number 1 assistant came back from the shops, got down on his knee and gave me the chocolate bar. He knew I was down in the dumps today. What an amazing dude. Then I asked me where he would take me on the date. He told me Paris. I asked him if he was going to take me up the Eiffel tower. Sniggers all round the office. I asked him if it was going to be a day trip or a whole weekend away. He said that it was going to depend on how hard I was to crack. Mega LOLZ. I laughed for ages about that.

Then the second amazing thing happened – XXCENSOREDXX sent me a random email! Hello! Good times.

xx Lektrogirl

November 4, 2007


October 28, 2007


My father is famous for a lot of his quotes in my family, and the above was a regular in dad’s catalogue. The tie in here is not about how I am feeling, but about the number of scat ref’s I have had in as many days this weekend.

Superduck sent me this:

This is probably the biggest load of girlpoo ever featured on the internet and possibly in the world. Myranda Didovic (22) was constipated for little over a week due to I.B.S. when this scene was recorded.

And view images here. This is NOT for work unless you work in my office.

xx Lektrogirl

October 9, 2007


It’s true – a new computer is definitely the way to this girls heart, a chillax on a sofa and some Pad Thai Jay. Oh and getting to bed and sleeping for a change. I also have learnt I got a lot of really supportive friends. I may die alone stinking of piss but I know my Inbox will be full of mails from people wishing me all the best. Last night I had some serious bullshit chats with Drx on Miranda – it was just like the old days – back in 2000! We discussed windabgenang (I think that is the Deutsch) and I explained to him about skid marks. The underpants variety. Good times.

Anyway – so I’m well refreshed on the number 4 into work. The house down the road that had the plain clothes cops a while ago chasing that guy with the pillow marks in his hair had three cops in uniform banging on the door in the rain. It was a bit weird last night actually – I had just got run over by the kid with the glasses on his bike (who looks like the biggest twerpy nerd but actually he is the biggest prick in the neighbourhood) and was relieved to finally make it home when down the road at the house in question, a woman saw two guys coming and raced inside and slammed the door.

Finally, I didn’t know what to wear this morning so I have decided on a version of Tektonik. Now that Prancehall has finally got hoodies are out, in certain circumstances I think hoodies are definitely in. Still not with a collared shirt EXCEPT if the hoody is made from 30G cotton in a pastel colour and is worn with a white shirt and seer sucker shorts.

xx Lektrogirl

September 27, 2007


There isn’t really a lot to say about Milan other than it rains a lot, the people are friendly, there is a guy who is cute who does the security to our area at WHITE, but when you look at him face on, maybe he is looking at your friend: he is really boss eyed. I have had a lot of boyf’s tell me that they find that sexy in a girl. Can’t say I share the predeliction. [spelling]. <--- HAHAHA JO APPS remember LAP TOP FACE/?!! I'm sitting in my hotel room at the desk in from of a big mirror checking my own laptop face - I look amazing of course.

Tonight KH has booked us a table at some restaurant that is meant to be the best fish place in town. She also booked us in there on Saturday as well. Last night was a pretty awesome joint we found by accident and I had apple sorbet for dessert. COUNTRY APPLE. That was a joke for ANTOINE CATALA. Nameless – we also have something about that too, but the one with Antoine was funnier.

Everything feels like a weird dream here – not helped by the fact I had a giant whiskey sour with Roxy after work today.

xx Lektrogirl

September 20, 2007


I went and visited Madame Tussards the other days and saw this waxwork depicting Whitney Houston after Bobby Brown gave her the crack pipe.
Ho ho. Indeed this is the lovely Kesh from the Coconut Twins eating lunch on the stand at London Fashion Week. I heard some bad things from other people about her and so I was a bit tentative about getting to know her, but I got to say that after hanging out with her, I really like her. She cracks me up man. Well I dunno – she laughed at my jokes at least!

Here is a new t-shirt that I got off eBay. I saw it a while ago and asked Paul if he wanted it and that I would get it for him. In the meantime between that email and receiving the t, Paul has ended up in this relationship with the polyamorous curator. I’m not feeling so generous about the t-shirt any more. I dunno – I put on the t-shirt this morning to wear to work and I felt really happy. I have been crying my eyes out recently. PAUL – I WANT THE HAPPY FUCKING T-SHIRT! YOU GET ME!!?

xx Lektrogirl

September 19, 2007


If anyone else has got anything shit to tell me, today would be a great day to do it.

I woke up with morning with tears all over my face and aching. Totally unable to move, my heart was totally broken, I just realised I had been holding my breath for the last 8 hours in my sleep. I know that sounds lame, but anyone who is human knows about these awful feelings. So I called my Mum – tears cascading everywhere and she soon put it right.

Last night, Paul finally had to admit that he is fucking the curator. How embarrassing for them. It isn’t that weird as he habitually gets together with females he thinks can further his career. His last girlfriend was bitching to him about it when they broke up, Paul and I spent 3 years arguing about it and he has just gone and done it again. It also isn’t a surprise cause I was saying to Roxy and Kellie just down at LFW walking along the tunnels to South Kensington tube – I ALREADY KNOW – I just dont want to be the last TO KNOW. Paul and I are tight though and he tells me everything. He is also really easy to pump for the juice! OMG it was like totally XXCENSOREDXX!!! Philippa!! Where are you!?? Come back from Florida!! I need to go for a Sunday Roast with you…

I don’t feel that bad about this new stuff going on. Paul is a loser and even he is the first to admit it. He also admits he was a shit husband but that I was an amazing wife who really did a great job. Yo! Big ups me. The thing that was totally weird was just before he went home, all the feelings I should have experienced on my wedding day about the amazingness of being married to someone you love so much just went through me. I never let myself feel like that ever cause I was always more worried about the day he was going to dump me. Nevermind – Paul and I did everything back to front.

Now! I really got to get ready for work! Being down in the tents for LFW is totally bizarre and you see some incredible [in every way that word can be applied] looking people. It is funny watching the Eley Kishimoto catwalk shows too cause in the background behind the models, sitting in the front row are Max and Pippa with Joe and Duke on their knees. Really hilarious. Yesterday I was watching the telly on the phone to Pippa giving her a blow by blow account “now you are scratching your ear…. Now you are REALLY sticking your finger right in there. Oh my God! the look on your face!!! you really hate that dress!!!!”

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. All flowers and condolences for my broken heart please send to Paul to make him feel bad. All guys look for a hot date email me! I am not splitting my income any more with anyone else so I can take you to dinner somewhere real good.

And Koyote – I think I got dumped another time right now…

September 3, 2007


Oh God the clock is ticking and not even that, the power adapter for my laptop is broken and the battery is running dead.

SO MUCH HAS BEEN HAPPENING! I’ve been checking the samples and measuring all the prints match specs, taking photos and writing comments. I’ve been organising samples for a shoot, ordering in catering, packing boxes, preparing to go away for Paris, trying to deal with incoming orders, JoJo leaving to have a baby, picking through photos for lookbooks and line sheets. I’m too tired. I wish I had the time and energy to upload all the pics I have and tell you all about the shoot on Sunday we did and the excellent pics Alex Sturrock took and the hilarious and hot models we had, getting to see Becky Seager again who loved a dirty gossip about all kinds of hideous things – mostly grotty sex and getting drunk – in between singing old rave tunes which the Little Witch Molly and I enjoyed immensly

Sarah Lee has sent me a gang of hot photos from Shop At Maison B as well of Pippa in the new Eley Kishimoto clothes. I didn’t even have time to stop and chat with her properly last time I saw her [to spunk money on two new woollie SONIA hats and a SONIA top with gros-grain ribbon details.]

Everybody wish me well and I hope to get the chance to update my blog over the next week. I hope you are all well and making lots of hot gossip.

xx Lektrogirl

August 22, 2007


I’m feeling a bit better lately – I have just been so miserable for a lot of reasons but I think some of thema are working out nicely.

Something that was not nice was the dream about Prancehall I had the other night. He had invited me to come and DJ at something and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to bring all these dismembered pig body parts in giant clear plastic bags as well as my records and there I was struggling to carry everything and my hands slipping on the grease and Prancehall kept bumping into all these girls who looked like they just walked out of Nuts who were all over him. Just FYI I do dream about other people. Occasionally. Anyway – so it wasn’t a bad dream just a weird one. And it wasn’t so bad that the Nuts girls featured prominently cause I don’t mind cause I got my own fans.

Here I am wearing the red Kangol just so I can be like Teki Latex pretending to be Armand Van Helden. I also pretend to be this Nigerian cab driver that I get sometimes from the local cab firm when I wear it. Depends on the rest of the outfit.
Anyway definitely a picture for the fans. Any more requests, just ask.

Having a good coffee drinking partner is also a great cheer up every morning and every afternoon of every working day. Look at what Cissi made me. A beautiful coffee. I feel just like a lady.

That is Cissi in the background in the red dress. Alice is holding her home grown apple in her hand. It really is a beautiful apple. It is a cute picture with that old Katharine Hamnett t-shirt and grass John Smedley / KH 100% Organic Cotton Cardigan.

And in other t-shirt news, here is one I got for Paul for his birthday but I couldn’t wait so I gave it to him early.

Finally the random news round up – look out for news in VICE about Brains and his soca collaborations [it might be just one line but look there anyway], we went to dinner with Max at Aldo’s tonight and the less fat guy was wearing a Trattoria Da Aldo SWEATSHIRT that I have never seen before, orders are amazing for the KH stuff and I’m busy at work – I’m mega hyped about all the samples of the t bodies that came in – MEGA HYPED, my mother sent me 1kg of AUSTRALIAN Milo which arrived at work today – BOOYAH, I got a new bra from Princesse Tam Tam in Crazy Yellow and I also got a new t-shirt.

xx Lektrogirl

August 17, 2007


JoJo just showed me her new milking bra which is kind of gross but also really amazing like an old 50’s bra. But where the shame lies is I was sitting at one end of the room and was trying to do something lewd at Roxy and JoJo turned round from the fax machine and said across the whole room “I just saw your minge. Aren’t you wearing any knickers.” Then I had to prove to the whole room I was. I apologised profusely to JoJo but still I felt a bit shamed.

One I was so drunk I ended up walking along Oxford Street in nothing but a red thong [this was like 10 years ago] cause I was changing my clothes on the way to somewhere else. Shame of that situation was some guy shouted “Put your tits away.” My friend who I was with at the time, Dan Moss and I ended up staggering around to Rathbone Place, me getting dressed, hailing a cab, me puking in the cab, Dan having to scrub the cab out and pay a fine of £50 and then me passing out back at Dan’s house. Oh those were the days. It is all glamour here.

xx Lektrogirl

August 5, 2007


Mum called this morning just as I was thinking of her, while I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea. I thought of her cause I trod on something that reminded me of an umbilical cord from one of our old dog Winnie’s puppies. Winnie was a great dog. My sister still has the plaster cast of Winnie’s leg and this is like maybe 14 years ago. The cast isn’t very big. Winnie was a corgi. So – there is Mum chatting away telling me that one of the teachers at her school was checking out my MySpace page and Flickr for some project for her class and then Mum started going on about this blog. I was like “Oh god Mum PLEASE don’t read my blog.” And she was like “Yes some of it is quite shocking.” And I was like “But I write it and don’t imagine you are reading it. I don’t think you and your friends are going to sit there and read it. I write like it is all the stuff me and Dad used to talk about in the garage. Boys’s talk.” And she was all like totally casual “Oh God Emma, you’ve always been like that. Don’t worry.” So now I’m not. I didn’t bring up the time she and my sister quoted sections of my journal back to me over the dinner table when I was 17 [see it was at this moment I realised there was no point to having any shame.] I also didn’t was to mention either that she was part of the most embarrasing moment of my life envolving me, my ex boyfriend Nick Dunn and making eye contact with her through the bedroom window at a rather crucial moment… Talk about getting instantly floppy [if I was a guy.]

So, HI MUM!! How you doing? How cold is it in Tassie? Hope you keeping your map o’ Tas warm! Do your headlights go on when you go outside. Herrrr herrrr herrrr.

Check me out in Bahrain in 1997!!

Those were the sneakers in the background that cost £120 which was A LOT in those days. Sneakers were never that much then.

Mum, I know you are proud of me whatever I do, even if what I do isn’t what most people want their daughters to be doing. I’m proud of you when you told the bank to get stuffed cause you didn’t want to wear tights.

xx Lektrogirl

August 4, 2007


Here I was in the Shopgirl Damart office about 8 years ago. Just FYI, they are Earl Jean skinny 29 inch waist jeans. I would have toruble getting an arm in the leg now.

In this picture, I am wearing a jumper that is called Frenchy. That jumper features in a song on the album I wrote released on Rephlex as Lektrogirl. It also used to belong to my old boyfriend Daniel.

Daniel de Jong and I were together when I was living in Tasmania in 1997-98 and I regret to this day ever breaking up with him. I still have the plaster chess pieces his Uncle carved as practise scrimshaw. I regularly Google Daniel to find out what he is up to. All I have been able to confirm is that the rumours about him hand making guitars is true. Daniel – if you ever read this, I was vile and I’m sorry. Walking around the Cornelian Bay Hockey fields with you was some of the best times I had. And there are still some of your records I wish I knew the sames of…

I broke up with Daniel after sleeping with a guy called “Slack Nuts”. When he lay face up on the bed with his legs apart his nut sack was actually resting on the mattress. He said part way through like “I want to be your protector.” Suffice to say it was a one night thing.

Then I went out with this guy:

Monsieur Dimanche. Going out with him was a massive mistake BUT his is a hilarious person and I had a lot of fun with him. Good times. He just wasn’t a good choice of boyf for me. I hear he is very happy in America now dating some girl he calls The Midget. Oh Antoine is a great dancer! So funny!! We were always make trouble together.

Then this is the guy I married:

Which I still don’t know if it was a good or bad thing.

Today I’m spending my Saturdy afternoon doing book kepping in the Katharine Hamnett studio. On the way here though I stopped off at the second hand shop. I’m not going to tell you which one cause that would be giving away some vital information top secret but to every girl in this office. I mean – already a lot of people know it, but why invite more. I didn’t need to go there cause Katharine gave me the jacket I was eyeballing all week that she bought back from Dalston cause I loved it so much. Katharine is the sweetest most generous person sometimes. And JoJo bought back the most BEAUTIFUL brooch on earth for me. But it might have been cause I made an old man happy. Private Joke. Anyway I bought 5 dresses at the 2hand shop – one of which is an Austrian dirndl. My tits look massive. Well I guess I won’t get a German boyfriend wearing one…

I gotta get back to work

xx Lektrogirl

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