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January 14, 2009

FANTASY COME TRUE

OMG this has to be one of the most exciting days of my life! Today I have to go to The Royal Courts of Justice on The Strand and make an appearance.

First of all I was walking across Lincoln’s Fields at a time I would usually still be in bed and got to see all the morning things I usually dont: screwed up raspberries still fresh on the pavement before the pigeons got them and men in boring suits carrying briefcases. Not a lot to miss out on but the fresh air was great.


Cause I had to dress like a dweeb, here is part of my underwear that made me feel better.

Then I got to the courts and had to go through a security check like at the airport. And then I guess I was overcome by everything and had to go and do a poo. So TMI you may say but relevant to the story. As grand as the building is, the toilets we not up to par – untidy, ill equipt. Really poor form. I mean there actally toilets in there but you know where you have those dreams where you walk into the basement somewhere looking for the toilet and its all damp and full of weirdos and the doors don’t shut – or maybe that is just my version of the going to school in your pyjamas dream.

So anyway I was looking for my case on the boards and couldn’t see it. I spoke to two incredibly stupid women who couldn’t help me and I spoke to one incredibly smart man who could. I’m now in apostrophe checking out all the solicitors having morning coffee meeting before appearing. None of them are hot. Which goes to show that even on TV in all the cop shows there is an element of truth in their depiction of the legal system – solicitors and lawyers are never hot – it is the detectives and CSI’s that are the babes.

Xx Lektrogirl

November 24, 2008

IT’S LATE

I’ve left you for a while and now I’m here I am too tired to write anything.

Half a bottle of Miller’s Gin gone by my own doing having shared it first with Nathaniel and continuing with a midnight booty call**. I tell you – the only thing that gave me a headache was the alcoholic ‘chinotto’ that the Cardinal and I concocted while painting her kitchen over the weekend.

While I slept it off, on and off, through out the day, I dreamt of these sweet treats that C-Dogg had cooked.

And who knows – another My Love Life picture…

Watched episode 7 of Season 9 CSI tonight. The stupid miniature killers witch was in it again, there was a really shit sideline story with Nick Stokes and Hodges working together – MAKING BUDDIES – I suppose now that Warrick Brown is no longer with us, and another pathetic story with Jim Brass and some twat avenging her father’s death. What I really wanted to know is DID LADY HEATHER and GRISSOM FUCK THE SNOT OUT OF EACH OTHER AT THE END OF EPISODE 5??!! I wonder if they have sex, would Lady Heather let him cum inside of her. Or even cum at all? I’m sorry Sarah Sidle to even bring these questions to light but I never liked your posture.

So tired.

xx Lektrogirl

** You know that isn’t what I think.

October 11, 2008

ARE YOU MULKURUL?

Today I have achieved an mountain of tasks and watched a megalith of movies from the quality position on my sofa. One of which was the 1977 film by Peter Weir, The Last Wave. It is a trance inducing movie about Aboriginal law, Dream Time and rain, rain, rain. As I watched it – not only was I freaked out in the same way I was when I watched Picnic At Hanging Rock as a girl – but I thought about actually how much I have absorbed my culture which has been influenced by the Aboriginal Dream Time, their talking story and the tribal laws. Which might sound a bit random, or indeed a bit confusing to a lot of people who are convinced that Australians are all racists and bigots, but we come into contact every day with the story of the native Australians, their art work, their mythology. Even Aboriginal heritage is is used by “White Australia” [which I have to point out even includes the Greek, Italian, Chinese, Vietnamese, Somalian, Thai & Islander inhabitants - it is a general sweep name for non-Aboriginals] as symbols of the country – Uluru, Aboriginal art for example. Anyway – what am I talking about? I suppose to say I am comfortable believing in the Dream Time too. And this movie seems very real and true – even though it is creepy, it is also very comforting. Here are also some pictures from the movie here.

Moving right along cause I don’t feel I know how to explain what I mean and do it justice without sounding too hipping and about to sit on a canvas and bleed menstrual fluid all over it and call it art…

I also watched episode 1 and 2 of The Shield from Season 7. “Da Da Daaaaah” [If you watch it you know what I mean.] Vic Mackie is still a bald headed walking weasle thick necked prick phallic symbol figured testosterone pumped lump of a man. Bring back Antoine Mitchell! Though I can’t wait to see more episodes of him in Law And Order AS A COP. Such a head fuck.


Another little something from LA.

SO another pull at the EMO heart strings – I watched the first episode of season 9 CSI. Remember how last episode of season 8 Warwick Brown gets it in the head with a 25 it close range?!! Obvs I’m not going to ruin the plot to tell you that he FUCKING GOES AND DIES. Grissom cried. I BALLED MY EYES OUT. Even NICK STOKES cries at the funeral. I was texting Pippa as I watched it.

º¤ø„¸ ~R.I.P~ ¸ „ø¤º°
¸„ø¤º°¨WARRICK BROWN“°º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø
¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„¸ 2pac 4 live ¸ „ø¤º°
¸„ø¤º°¨ 1971-1996 !“°º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø ¤ø„
¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„¸ ~R.I.P~ ¸ „ø¤º°
paste this if tupacs greatest rapper in tha world

xx Lektrogirl

August 6, 2008

THE PARADOX

Today I was up early, I had meeting in town. I was tired. I watched the new series CSI Miami that started tonight [H has a son! OMG! Acting still as terrible! The plot thickens...] I am THRILLED to learn that the new series of Law and Order Special Victims Unit starts on Friday night [The one with Ice T in it.] But now, I can’t sleep. I’m trying to get back into normal sleep pattern. It’s hard. I also got my period today and I have a bit of a headache. I don’t think I drank enough. But I sure had some good eats:

Breakfast

Laduree in Burlington Arcade. Amaretto, Roseanis and Salted Caramel. I also picked up a present for a friend and I am dying to give it to him. It can wait of course but because I know he will absolutely shit I cannot wait to give it to him!!

Lunch

Madame arranges our lunch on the lace doily even though I have eaten half mine. The sandwiches were already perfect. The only addition we could think of to the Salmon Tartar and the Chopped Herring was perhaps some beetroot? Coffees were of course from Milk Bar.

Dinner was at Taro. But I didn’t take a picture.

Oh I just wish I could fall asleep.

xx Lektrogirl

August 4, 2008

REAL LIFE CSI / EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVERLINK

This morning while sitting at Valerie’s on Old Compton Street with Pippa and Max we were curious about what exactly happened at Costa’s. There was shit everywhere, the shop still open but cordoned off, no signs, guarded by cops… I walked the periphery to check out if I could clock any evidence that would provide clues as to what went on but there was nothing. Besides, a lot of vital evidence would have been washed away in the rain. Pippa and I had to explain to Max that fingerprints do not last in water. All the hours of CSI we had watched was important. It looked like someone had lobbed a table at someone though. By the afternoon the place was full of homosexuals again.

Speaking of people I spotted on Old Compton Street today, Jammer and I believe Badness were walking arm in arm along the road with two other people carrying loads of shopping bags. It was great to see them and I wanted to rush up to them and say “HOW ABOUT YOUR NEW TRACK COMING OUT THE ONE WITH SILVERLINK ???!!! Remember me Jammer? I’m your girlfriend Lektrogirl?! You know… The one that promised you could do it up the bum if only you would call.”

Jammer never did call, but probably cause he was busy in the studio with Silverlink and Badness to make a new track being released as a 12″ on No Hats No Hoods. It is some fucked up Soca vibes called “The Message is Love”. When Linden from HOUSE OF WINGS [R.I.P. those wings] heard the original Soca instrumental by Silverlink he went nuts for it. If you want to cop and earful of the track, rather than a Costa coffee table, visit Silverlink’s MySpace page and you can listen to the instrumental there [called 'Love is the Message' there]

You can also check the No Hats No Hoods MySpace for when it is finally released and where you can buy it from. Listen to the hilarious Are You Ready EP Promo. I couldn’t stop laughing — “And all other record stores that know what they are doing“. LOL.

xx Lektrogirl

June 1, 2008

GIVE PIZZA A CHANCE

New Problem Solvers video from Paperrad

“This could be the best day ever. I’m not being negative, this could be the best day of our lives.”

Also, here we have a snippet from one of my favourite shows when I was growing up – The Curiosity Show. This one is from the 80’s but I was watching it from when I was way younger – like back when I was still into FatCat. I can tell this one is from the 80’s because of Deane’s Canterbury Rugby shirt. It is a Harlequin one – and I also had one of this when I was at high school for wearing during P.E. classes. Which I hated. Anyway basically The Curiosity Show was these two nerds doing science experiments on afternoon kids TV. I would say very similar to CSI in a way. The them song to The Curiosity Show was also very cool and quite trippy. Not the Nickelodeon version from later years FYI.

And here is Fat Cat:

xx Lektrogirl

May 30, 2008

R KELLY UPDATE

From Chicago Tribune Online:

May 29, 2008 3:01 PM: Tale of the tape: Video expert testifies

If you ever wanted proof that forensic investigative techniques are just not as interesting as they appear on TV dramas, this last witness is your guy.

George Skaluba, a video analyst with the forensic unit of the FBI, spent the better part of an hour and a half Thursday discussing the various ways that videotapes are produced, reproduced, analyzed, morphed, doctored and damaged.

We call it the “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Videotapes Plus An Hour More” testimony.

He used more technical terms than helpful in a blog, and ultimately concluded the following:

1) The tape is not an original, and he doesn’t know what generation tape it is.

2) The more you copy a tape, the more the quality and clarity of the video deteriorates.

3) It was not a good-quality tape.

4) The copy he reviewed didn’t appear to be altered, but the original may have been.

5) To morph the faces and images in the 27-minute video (think “Little Man”) was possible, but it would take “years” and would be “very, very difficult because of the length” of the tape. On top of that, he said, it would likely be easily identifiable.

Azam Ahmed

May 3, 2008

HOW COULD YOU

Warrick Brown – The straight George Michael and IMHO way hotter.

This news is a few days old now but still disturbing none the less. Especially the part where he is gonna get written out at the end of the 8th series!! I PRAY that Nick Stokes doesn’t go too. Watching season 6 on DVD I even have started to fancy him with the moustache.

xx Lektrogirl

April 8, 2008

MEGA LOL

Here is my friend Caz trying to be like me with the bra shot… Oh no.. hang on… LOL hahaha

ROTFLOL

Mum called this morning and I told her was really sad this morning feeling like I had nothing to get out of bed for today. I can’t tell you the real reasons why other than to say XXCENSOREDXX has banned me from talking about XXCENSOREDXX here and another whole part of my life is totally XXCENSOREDXX anyway…

and here I was at the New Zealander party have a whale of a time.

But then I get up this morning to see the world has been moving on with out me and see visions such as Caz with a twisted bra. Lovely.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Alex T asked me on Sunday night what my favourite episode of C.S.I. is and I couldn’t choose but now I know. It is an episode in season 5 of C.S.I. Crime Scene Investigation [the Vegas one] called COMMITTED set in a mental prison where a guy gets murdered by the mother of one of the patients who is masquerading as a nurse so that she can continue her Jocasta complex relationship with her mentally ill son. They crack the case when Grissom uses a really great piece of far fetched technology [LOL] – audio archaeology or something. The son was making a clay vase when his nurse mother came in to demand that he finish it with the guy who was murdered and apparently the sound waves of their conversation were picked up in the wet clay. The C.S.I. team were able to pick up the sound recording using lasers, processing it through something that looked a little bit like Sony Acid Pro but with a jazzier skin and they all realised who was banging who.

March 25, 2008

GOT A TISSUE?

Well I’m guessing that there wasn’t a lot going on for anyone over the Easter break cause come Saturday, my webstats were through the roof! Thanks for stopping by!

The ‘result’ of my long weekend is that I have a cold and spent yesterday in bed with Season 4 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation DVD’s [the LA one] and then got a total of 3 hours sleep last night. Today I am in my PJ’s listening to the Mr Martelo mixes he sent me chilling out in front of the heater. Cardinal is going to be excited to learn that I have to have a section of my wall ripped out to mend some damp and re-plastered just like her and I can’t wait to discuss the details with her.

I was also happy to read that Manara had said in one of her Flickr descriptions that I have a beautiful house

A shame that everything in the picture came from IKEA.

A trip to IKEA is more fun that a Racine / Wendy James gig any day of the week however. Last week or so I went with Pippa / Max / Paul Gazz / Caz / Jazz to the Bloomsbury Bowls to check out Wendy James’ band. I have to say it was pretty shockingly bad. Had she chosen her band to be the same age as her I think the show would have been more convincing. Sadly the show looked like a bit of a weird Whatever Happened to Baby Jane scenario. And none of the songs were dope.

I heard some really ‘dope’ songs on Sunday night when I went to GO BANG! at East Village on though. I was going to save writing about it until my sub-editor Alex T told me how to spell Nadia Kasaiba correctly but I was so happy I went out that I can’t resist writing soon. I’m sure that next time Alex has eaten a kebab he will be more than happy to breathe the after effects all over me and tell me about my shitty spelling. As per usual I had some spiritual moments with Alex as we discussed the universe. I cried AGAIN! [I know!!!] Which could either be the subject matter of the conversation OR the number of drinks I had consumed. My drink of choice was Malibu and Pineapple. Steph called it ‘The Summertime Ho’ but I think a better name for it is ‘The Sweat’. I was also very happy to meet Alex’s friend Amph who guessed I was 26 years old. I’m gonna guess he really thought I was about 29-30 and was being nice. Even so, he will be getting a Christmas card from me this year.

OMG. I just went to Flickr to get another picture to put online and you know what it said to me?

O HAI Lektrogirl!
Now you know how to greet people in Lolspeak!

Errr I don’t think so. I think Flickr just overstepped the mark there.

I got a ‘zimce’ [German for SMS] on my ‘handy’ from Mrs Vanderbilt in Berlin today. I miss them like crazy already. We went to Canteen the other day before they left and it was pretty terrible.

Bachelor Food. And the waiter didn’t find it funny when I asked him what his problem was that they didn’t have soya milk for a latte.

Oh this was cool: My nephew Tom who is two and I have this really amazing joke.

It is pretty complicated and esoteric so if you don’t get it, I kind of understand. Basically it works like this: I go up to him and say “What’s that smell?” and he thinks for a minute and then says “It’s me!!” Then we both crack up laughing. It even works over the telephone. It is a really great joke. In a few more years I will teach him a little more toilet humour and lesbian jokes. Anyway Tom is really into Cars and loves being a Jedi [Mum... Can you love a Jedi?] even though he has never managed to stay awake through one entire Star Wars movie.

xx Lektrogirl

February 20, 2008

THE DOOR-ZZZ

You know that band The Doors? Well this story is about as interesting. And it kind of leads into something else I want to show you. Which has nothing to do with the last thing I want to tell you. Firstly however is a video for you to enjoy of someone enjoying The Doors.

[looks a bit like Vincent D'Onofrio if HE was playing the character in The Wedding Crashers that Owen Wilson played where he gets all depressed cause he thinks he has lost the girl.]

So here is my story:

My mother said “Oh that’s great! What are you going to do with The Door. You can put it under your bed!!”
Do you wanna know how unwieldy The Door is? Basically, it is exactly the same size as a door frame and incredibly heavy. Really heavy hard wood.
So I drag The Door around in an attempt to put The Door under the bed. In fact, I spend the evening watching CSI and Law and Order looking at The Door out of the corner of my eye thinking “The Door is really long? Is it actually gonna fit under the bed.” Indeed The Door was too long to get under the bed. By less than a centimetre. And I don’t mean it hung out the end of the bed and I couldn’t handle it [though if this were true it would also be TRUE!] I mean that no matter which way I tried, the door was too big, the angles were not right, there was no was I could get The Door under The Frigging Bed. At one point I was even jammed in the bedroom with The Door wedged between the foot of the bed and the door of the room at a steep angle and with all the strength in the world, I almost couldn’t move The Door.
With one bruised foot I dragged The Door back to the hallway. I won’t even enjoy cutting the stupid thing in half.

Now back when I was at college, people who were into The Doors dressed like this:

Only fast forward to No Hate in 08 and dudes who dress like this – what are they listening to? Well this guy listens to DUBSTEP!! Wow. I know this because he had a CD in his hand BOX OF DUB / DUBSTEP AND FUTUREDUB.
Look at that cardigan.
Look at how his feet are on not on the floor nicely in front of him.

One I rang up a number for a man looking for a woman to go on a date with on an investigatory dare from C.I.B. I wasn’t dating anyone and she was with Hot Dog. We picked a guy from The Guide weekly listing thing. So I called and listened to the guy’s message he left for me. “Hi I’m blah blah years old. I work at Skoob, which is a bookshop. And I’m going bald, but I don’t CARE.” We didn’t go on a date. Anyway, I imagine at the time that Baldy Skoob man looked like the Dubstep Man.

I’m cooking a fish supper for three wimmin tomorrow night. I have big plans. Let’s hope I fair well. Mussels, chermoula and amaretti… Let me leave you with a wimmin’s issue, a Chick With A Gun, Pippa Brooks giving it her best shot [literally]:

Pippa looks so much like Detective Calleigh Duquesne from CSI: Miami. And yeah – she hits the bullseye.


Oh and a cool Paris sticker I bought in Paris once years ago.

xx Lektrogirl

January 9, 2008

CUTE OVERLOAD

Saw a photographer friend yesterday who has super smart new hair. He looked incredible. He showed me a website: Cute Overload. Totally cute!! But I have to say I was very surprise to NOT be able to find this old Juvenile classic on the site at all. A lot of cuteness there – especially from the “Dick Bandit”. LOL.

ANYWAY

Did anyone see the NEW SERIES START OF CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION on Five last night? Oh God! Big news in Little China. Even though large chunks of Sara Sidle wandering around in the desert off her face with dehydration and pain from a broken arm in 40 degree heat was a bit too much like watching a Gorilla’s video – all skinny legs and flared jeans and a monkey’s jaw. And then when tubby Grissom runs over to a body he thinks is hers I wondered how much of him they strap in while in “costume” with the vest thing he has to wear. Almost portly! But at last they caught the Minatures Killer. What a no-one she turned out to be, but I’m sure that isn’t the last we hear about her. I am just sad that I couldn’t make it through another rewind of CSI Miami to witness the new season Law and Order.

ALSO


Happy Birthday to my dear dear friend Goon. I LOVE YOU!! Have a fabulous day!!!

xx Lektrogirl

October 11, 2007

YOU GET ME

Massive ear ache today and I think it is too much late night tete a tete on this fucking Nokia . You get me. I’m in the back of a black cab right now on Finchley Road and I have to tell you how urban it is getting round here lately, you get me. The McDonalds has got all jazzed up which is a sign og ghetto McDonalds are back in business. Easy Internet or whatever it was has gone – but they were like gone, even when they were still there – you get me. So in McDonalds I noticed they have a series of American burgers – Texas, Chicago and Vegas. The Vegas Classic has a slice of that plastic cheese with flecks of red and green capsicum in – slice of puke – you get me. I thought they should be profiling THE GREAT CSI BURGERS and have them for New York, Miami and Vegas. Obviously McDonalds have done a lot of market research that brings them to conclude that puke cheese is gonna work for them so I wont air pie them on that idea. But the Miami burger could be alligator meat and the New York on is obvious – ground up hot dog meat. Then Gary Sinease could be there like flipping burgers and one of the others could be in the ad too calling out “Hey! Mac!” Y.G.M??!!! What a CSI joke I MADE THERE. big ups me. Y.g.m.

Anyway, laterz I walked past a very fly 15 year old with a giant fro comb on his bike. Hey was also ‘macking’. Y.G.M!!

XX Lektrogirl

P.S. Chorley and Phillipa are back from America! Yee-harrr!! I hope that means drinks and goodtimes again soon!!!

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