Phil says: “Ladies and gentleman, for years I have watched Events being clicked on and attended, mostly with disdain. After the last Club Philos at Visions Video bar a great void was left within everyone’s lives and now its time to fill that void.
Are you sick of all these bent events, trying hard to be cool? I am. This is a straight up packet of crisps night, with good/rubbish fun times music played by people who care.
If you don’t come, you’re a prick.
Last time I went I remember dancing to the Venga Boys twice having the time of my life thinking about my Dad wondering if he was going to be dead before I got to Australia. With the power of spiritual dancefloor enlightment courtesy of Club Philos, he was not.
I can’t think of a reason why you should not be there. Except if you are the guy Phil rang on my phone that night. Or if you are a wanker.
One of the many reasons I hang out with the boys for Madame whenever she asks me. I have to say, I wasn’t there when this happened, but how fabulous that Madame recorded the event for all of us to see!
More interesting than this woman having a go at the Beyoncé routine is the kid in the background. What is she up to?
But, I went to a big gay sweatbox on the weekend with some friends and found myself in the middle of the dancefloor after giving birth to Ed Hardy next to a guy in an Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt and three girls with a bottle of poppers. Spiritual moment of Mare Street and I find myself reborn.
The old me was in a terrible shape. I was a caterpillar of duvet and Namelesses old hoodie he got from the guy who ended up sleeping with his ex even though he said “Bros before hoes”. I was watching endless cop shows nourished by cups of tea and phonecalls from my lady friends who wanted to see me through a dark patch.
The Italian, after coming over on Friday night and leaving me with a kiss and a see you later love and feeling all happy in my stomach, sent me a text on Tuesday saying “I don’t need a new job, a girlfriend and friends take months even years. Please do me a favour and give me a break.”
He was calling me asking me how to teach him something.
I had already told him twice “I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now” [meaning HIM in particular but hanging out and being friends with him was super fun, though he didn't know that directly.]
And I have known this guy for about 2 years.
Then AIR PIE from him for the whole week after trying to find out WTF that was all about!
My cleaner Dora settled me down to a few home truths:
You dress like an African woman.
God took this man out of your life because you have everything – a house, a job, a computer, the internet, money, your things, friends, you are a nice person – and all you need is someone to love and care for you. He is too stupid to even do that so God took him out of your life.
You need to have more fun. Look at your friends [meaning The Cardinal cause she goes round there too.] She always is having fun. I see all the wine glasses. You need to have fun.
The man you are looking for is out there searching for you.
Then the two coolest people in Paris arrived.
Hobart unfortunately turned into a shit machine all weekend. Unbelievable.
Paul C accused me of being racist on the grounds he is caramel and Alice I never met. But I love this video they made at home. I wonder if the will know I ripped it? I should probably tell them. Anyway isn’t it wonderful to know that I wasn’t the only one who was making videos over the weekend. You can check more about Wamp-Nation on their blog.
Life has been going a bit better for me than this rat I saw on the Holly Lodge Estate over the weekend. And better than this fish at the 02 Centre on Finchley Road where their aquarium mortality rate is incredibly high I think. Who can forget that big black fish that was floating around in the tank for months “asleep”?
Then I went out to Real Gold with The Cardinal after scoffing a bottle of Champagne that V gave me for Christmas, what was left of a bottle of vodka mixed with tonic on the tube and even more at the party itself.
Louis Enchanté was there standing in a puddle of water and I had a great chat to him later after he came to dry land and he then introduced me to his brother. While we all talked, a guy spent the evening on his hands and knees scooping up the flood with a plastic half pint glass into a bucket. I was thinking we were going to build an ark but it didn’t come to that.
I was very excited to see DJ Assault play. He had called me earlier that day to ask me if I was able to come and hang out cause he had arrived earlier than he thought and he didn’t know wassup. Unfortunately I was standing on The Frenchman’s kitchen chair with a paintbrush in my hand and couldn’t go. A shame. Never the less I got to see the “Porn Star In Training” later that night.
Don’t hate a playa guys, just hate the game. It wasn’t Assault’s best set ever I have to say. He was doing a lot of juggles with doubles which I felt did not work out so great. His set was also his hits one after the other. Rumour has it that Daniel Lee is putting on DJ Assault some time later in the week at The Social which I think is the perfect club for DJ Assault. I would go check out Assault at The Social if the rumour is true!
I prefer sweaty dancing in big gay sweatbox dance clubs. A lot of people were standing there just watching the technique [Serato or equivalent...] which made serious dancing difficult – The Cardinal and I had some real moves going on. Fists ladies. The way to go. I got a lot of compliments from men telling me I am a good dancer. Thanks! Now get out of my way – I have some floor to shine. Guys were also presuming that just because I was dancing to the music that I wanted to be a sub on the dancefloor. I don’t want to get dry humped by some English man with the front of his t-shirt pulled over his face. Remember that Icey Blu song Pump It?
On the way home, I found these on the side of the road. What happened?
The following day I didn’t wake up til it was time to cook dinner. Yes. I stayed at The Frenchman’s. I had dreams all night about sexual liaisons with a very good drinking friend of mine – I’m not sure we actually had sex but we were definitely vibing. If that wasn’t peculiar enough, in the dream the windows of his house were wallpapered with aluminium foil, all the shelves were wonky and there were all this random horrible cheap plastic statues of pigs and carts with some crepe paper. And there were chewed up and mangled feathers all through the draughty cold and wet apartment from this mental cat that was eating an old feathered bathing costume. Freud – that one is all yours.
P.S. In other news, lameatnames.com was down again for bandwidth over usage this month. Valeria and I have to come up with some money making schemes.
Listen to the counter melody? Or does it count as a melody? Or just a synth line? It’s so beautiful! And while you are dropping that ass to the ground – which is something people can do with all ass sizes – we don’t have to be all bootylicious about this – why not check to see who got kicked to the curb lately? It might just surprise you!
I actually untagged this picture of myself on Facebook. I don’t know why I bothered cause I have a totally private profile. I regret untagging it now. Because you know me – Mrs. No Secrets. The last time I was in the Glasshouse was years ago with Nick Phillips / Noodles drinking Ayingerbrau [a.k.a. The Angry Brew] Rail slide down a tube station bench on my shoulder [how I did that I will never know] and throwing up all night bright orange vomit until Noodle’s flatmates thought I was gonna lose a liver. Speaking of Noodles, I saw ANDREW HARTWELL of all people at PIZZA the other night. AND BDL walked past while our whole table got a glacial vibe shower from his girlfriend. AND FOUL PLAY FOWLER. The shame. That hadn’t happened to me since about 1999 when Karl Hutchinson, Chris Chang Towers, Dan Moss and someone else – probably Smiler all rolled into The Bricklayers Arms AND SAT AT THE SAME TABLE. I was there with The Witch at the time choking on my pint. See how much I have changed? I would down pints back then with a full face of make-up with a severe bob and Prada shoes.
I’m off to have more of a living room disco chill out and max out those dance vibes. So much fun.
Had a WICKED time though before that at PIZZA which is Cesca’s mates party. Me and Mr Chips totally cleaned up the dance floor together. So happy! I really needed a dance out. I drank far too much and am a bit hung over today. Thank Allah that there is a lunch date planned with the Kuntish Frown crew [The Cardinal, The Air Commodore] at The Junction Tavern. Be there at 2pm if you have a score to settle and have a mind to shank. I’ll be ready for you.
I bought two Marjan Pejoski shirts the other day and am LOVING them. Here is a fucking overly gross picture of me in one of them.
Got I get onto YouTube today and it recommends a video to me that is just like watching myself in another 10 – 15 yers… hell maybe 5 if someone throws acid in my face.
She has a better body than me.
I have to say that for the time being I cannot bare to look at gash being held open with craggy fingers for a fat husbands delight any longer so I won’t be updating lameatnames.com for the time being – it will all be Valeria. I know that it is in good hands. I bet the the lady dancing in the video also has her own Flickr page. YGM.
She also does Haddaway what is love. Fellas imagine giving her a ride…
Anyway I’m cooking roesti right now which need my attention.
OH SHIT forgot to say – in the tragic mind of a sad and lonely blogger such as myself who can’t help but occasionally tease someone. I am personally a big fan of Prancehall’s blog just for the record even thought he hates me.
At my new job I have been TCB – [learnt this from Bok Bok via Manara - Take Care of Business.] Basically, getting stuck into some long overdue paperwork house keeping so that I can get cracking with my job properly. So sorting, filing, researching, asking questions, updating computers etc etc. The people I work with are super nice and couldn’t be more helpful – but for those of you who read my blog who have ever had a job [so that would be 90% the girls, 30% of guys who have had 'real jobs' 30% of guys who have kind of had 'pretend jobs' that were just like DJing for cash or something but it still counts - the left over girls and 40% men you won't get this] – you will understand that a new job is always A LOT; Working out if you wore the right thing, who will be your allies, how everyone has their tea, how long you can talk on the phone without looking like a slacker, can you install Miranda/Trillion etc… S.T.R.E.S.S. And of course, overcoming my Internet addiction and having to drink cows milk for the time being out of an ugly cup. [How long can I leave it before I can bring in my own china teacup for plunger coffee without everyone thinking I'm a tosser but thinking I'm cool and quirky? YGM?]
So the following song, Let There Be House, is dedicate to me and my new job.
This song also holds some very deep connections to my life back in Tasmania. When this record first came out, I bought the 12″ and went totally nuts listening to it over and over and dancing all the stresses of my life out in the hallway on Mum’s new carpet. I was in year 11 or 12 – so 16 or 17. I was the bane of Mum’s life – because the carpet was so new and woolly, one dance session would kick up all the new fluff of the wool – virtually tumble weave – that she would go round clucking and picking up spluttering at me “Stop It!! You are kicking up all the carpet!! You will dance a hole in the carpet!!”
Listening to this song again now is a really great de-stress session for me. On top of the new job and the heartbreak over the Chanel lipstick really not being up to scratch, I had a fucking shit start to the week over really weird weird stuff that has also been on my mind. I just feel so much is in the bin right now – more like hard knocks from other people’s misplaced weirdness – and like my astrology said today – ‘just let it be like water off a duck’s back’ which is true, but when I’m super stressed/tired about a new job its hard. I went out to dinner with Max tonight and he asked me about all my woes [I cried in China Town - AGAIN! - FFS!! I really must be hitting menopause!!] and it was so nice to be sitting with one of my oldest bestest craziest friend ‘chewing the fat’.
Something to look forward too though! I am going to Nantes to see Puyo Puyo and Eva on the 18th October for a gig there. WOOHOO. I don’t know who else is playing but I am sure it will be excellent. I haven’t seen them since I met them in Liege – the same night I met Lu and Bernd from Mash Gordon. FUCK ME!! THAT WAS A PARTY!! Yerrr…