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January 24, 2010

TIPS FOR DIY

There are two very very important things that I tell myself every time after completing a home DIY project. And I forget every time when it comes round to do the next project. Let me share them with you and maybe you will benefit from this knowledge.

1] NEVER use the screws supplied for fixtures that are to go into mortar. The heads of the screw always “melt”, even with a hand screw driver, making it impossible to get the screw in or out. ALWAYS buy your own screws from the hardware store.

2] SNOOP DOGG & DR DRE are the two best artists to listen to while performing DIY tasks. Their soundtracks provide reasonable aggression, humour and focus and put you into the right frame of mind / swagger to get any job done in minimal time.

Thanks for listening.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. If you have not cracked up at “I Love The DJ” by R Kelly yet, take a look on YouTube and you sure will.

May 10, 2009

BORING LIFE BUT I LIKE IT

Time to paint, new hall, new kitchen, new stove [but not installed - PRICKS], new life. I have spent the last day painting my hallway some colour called “alabaster” and I used trade paint that was a bit smellier than Dulux but HALF THE PRICE. Really nice quality paint though if anyone is interested.

My E is from Burger King originally, but I got it from Nathaniel at M Goldstein on Hackney Road. Here is a nice thing on Paul Gorman’s blog The Look Presents about the shop. And a picture of Pippa’s arse.

Anyway I also got new cooker delivered yesterday but Comet fucked up and sent it with the wrong guys – blokes who can deliver but weren’t qualified in how to install it. Durrr. So I can’t cook all week. :( The last thing I cooked in my old cooker was a freestyle fish pie. I was very proud of it. I was sad to see my old cooker go actually. I got it for £90 from a refurbished cooker place after getting a flat after being homeless. It served me well. I can’t believe I didn’t take a picture of the pie! But I did take a picture of my mini Toads In The Holes. TOO GOOD.

I wanted to make some cakes today. Oh well. Next weekend.

xx Lektrogirl

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April 20, 2009

LADIES GUIDE TO DIY

When I do my DIY round the house I always make sure I am wearing a well supporting bra – so of course a tight low cut bra with bows, lace and boning from AP and some comfortable but matching knickers. I think that the base to any outfit is very important – and if it makes you feel good then you will be able to achieve the impossible. A bit like watching Mistress of the Goodvibes Universe videos when she works out in Vivienne Westwood dresses or Mexican wrestling masks. I also have to wear this kind of underwear because my DIY outfit is pretty hardcore – cut off sweats and an old checked shirt from Pasadena. So if I hurt myself and need ambulance care I can keep my dignity. Or if there is someone like the Air Commodore who wants to have fantasies about ladies with tools, [OJ LOL], I would hate to disappoint.

I also like to make sure I have motivational music. I recommend Dr Dre 2000 or Snoop Dogg Tha Last Meal but each to their own [Mrs Kipling... who knows what it could be...]

So it is a bit like this at my house today as I start work on my bedroom which needs serious DIY.

Over the weekend I didn’t have my usual DIY outfit to hand so I just put some shelves up in knickers and a bra cause I didn’t want to ruin my dress. Yes – it seems that it is a common fantasy for men.

We all know that the Cardinal is more refined that me and she has been known to DIY in a cashmere sweater. I know that Caz has been on her hands and knees stripping paint on the floor. Madame I have seen DIYing in flats [Eley Kishimoto sneakers - green flash]. Mrs Kipling has reported to be doing her own painting and tiling – but I have no idea what she would wear.

I have to get on now.

xx Lektrogirl

November 24, 2008

IT’S LATE

I’ve left you for a while and now I’m here I am too tired to write anything.

Half a bottle of Miller’s Gin gone by my own doing having shared it first with Nathaniel and continuing with a midnight booty call**. I tell you – the only thing that gave me a headache was the alcoholic ‘chinotto’ that the Cardinal and I concocted while painting her kitchen over the weekend.

While I slept it off, on and off, through out the day, I dreamt of these sweet treats that C-Dogg had cooked.

And who knows – another My Love Life picture…

Watched episode 7 of Season 9 CSI tonight. The stupid miniature killers witch was in it again, there was a really shit sideline story with Nick Stokes and Hodges working together – MAKING BUDDIES – I suppose now that Warrick Brown is no longer with us, and another pathetic story with Jim Brass and some twat avenging her father’s death. What I really wanted to know is DID LADY HEATHER and GRISSOM FUCK THE SNOT OUT OF EACH OTHER AT THE END OF EPISODE 5??!! I wonder if they have sex, would Lady Heather let him cum inside of her. Or even cum at all? I’m sorry Sarah Sidle to even bring these questions to light but I never liked your posture.

So tired.

xx Lektrogirl

** You know that isn’t what I think.

May 30, 2008

NO NEED TO TALK ABOUT MY GASH

Instead of me ‘rabbiting’ on about my vagina, [LOL get the rabbit joke? very topical given the SATC movie is with us... YAWN... are manara and i the only females who doesn't give a shit? actually the whole maison b lady gang couldn't care either] – it already seems like half of East London are already wanting to know if I’m still cobwebs or not, I will let Lil Wayne go on about gash instead.

It was my ex who brought this video to my attention noting ‘It looks like Lil Wayne has been working out a bit!’ [homo?] On inspection, it is true.

Anyway – I like the part about the worm and the apple butt. And JOKES BRUV when he can make it rain with his hurricain tongue.

Oh fit plasterer is here who smells sweet like dax pomade.

xx Lektrogirl

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May 5, 2008

BANK HOLIDAY OVA


Photograph of the weekend by the Air Commodore. My hair needs some fucking work – it is all over the place!

Today was spent having some girl chats with The Cardinal drinking Lady Grey Tea and we did like all self respecting Brits do on a Bank Holiday – we put together her new garden shed.

Not only did we put this together, we killed a large number of gross spiders which I found personally exciting as it reminded me a lot of my childhood days. Then we went to the pub to meet the Air Commodore for dinner.

And an early night to bed for me.

xx Lektrogirl

April 5, 2008

SANDING THE FLOOR

Felt a bit low today after seriously weird dreams about red light districts, bakeries and beating one of my ex’s with a ruler for lying to me about something. So to cheer myself up, I did as any girl in her right mind would do, I went round to the Cardinal’s to watch her and her sister sand the floors.

Cardinal got a little hot telling us that she was working in a cashmere jumper.

Using the massive floor sander was really fun.

xx Lektrogirl

February 29, 2008

I BUILT A DESK

Today I was one of those people who sat in Starbucks staring into middle distance sipping on a soapy coffee wishing that I wasn’t really there. However, I knew I wasn’t beyond redemtion because I was on my way to Homebase to buy some wood for making my desk supports later that afternoon.

Actually it wasn’t even a coffee – it was a Soy Chai Tea Latte. LOL.

This morning I woke up without a hangover but felt I deserved one. After hanging out with Max all day, talking about Pantie Wetters, Nannies, Turncoats and Dead or Alive, we went into Soho to see Pippa and Nathaniel and drink some wine. A more wine later at The Three Greyhounds [my first blush since 'The DJ Assualt Night' that I could finish] and then some Geisha Rocks at Abeno Too I was sending random texts about spiritual vibes to God only knows who.


Lovely! So pretty – like sour cherries.

Max had cooked me an Apple and Rhubarb crumble. Until then, all I had heard about Max’s cooking capabilities was from his old flatmate Neil who had seen Max take the top off a yoghurt pot and that was it.

But check this out:


I am Max’s fantasy girlfriend. He is always asking me if I had sex with a woman. I always get out of answering by asking him if he ever had sex with a woman.


Look at the AWESOME temperature guage on the oven! It reminds me of Gary Numan or The Buggles or something. So jealous. And such a neat crumble.


YUM. And by now, Alex T had come over to Max’s too so we all sat and ate crumble together like naughty school children telling naughty jokes.


Here is Max’s knicker drawer. No he isn’t at all anal.

And check this garden out that Max made. It used to be just rocks and weeds and nothing. It was just nothing and it is so beautiful now.

Someone who isn’t quite like Max in some ways [totally anal] but quite like Max in other ways [I think she only fancies men] is my mate Sara Manara who if I was a big licker I would fancy her because she is a good cook and likes good music. Oh – yeah I know she is with Bok Bok so no dis bruv, but your girlf is a babe. And as you know, I’m only interested in guys anyway [I'll tell the rest of my gossipy stories later! LOL and I promise I will keep your secret forever...] I was over at Bok Bok and Manara’s house the other night and Manara cooked a BANGING dinner for us all. SO DELICIOUS.


And I gotta tell you, Manara’s Pav was almost authentic Australian [we would probably only have raspberries OR strawberries with passionfruit and banana.] It was so awesome. I could have eaten the whole thing to myself.

Mum is sending over some old tea cups and saucers from home that I am really looking forward to receiving in the post. I am planning to have a tea party. I only have two cups right now and one teapot. And it isn’t big enough.

xx Lektrogirl

February 20, 2008

THE DOOR-ZZZ

You know that band The Doors? Well this story is about as interesting. And it kind of leads into something else I want to show you. Which has nothing to do with the last thing I want to tell you. Firstly however is a video for you to enjoy of someone enjoying The Doors.

[looks a bit like Vincent D'Onofrio if HE was playing the character in The Wedding Crashers that Owen Wilson played where he gets all depressed cause he thinks he has lost the girl.]

So here is my story:

My mother said “Oh that’s great! What are you going to do with The Door. You can put it under your bed!!”
Do you wanna know how unwieldy The Door is? Basically, it is exactly the same size as a door frame and incredibly heavy. Really heavy hard wood.
So I drag The Door around in an attempt to put The Door under the bed. In fact, I spend the evening watching CSI and Law and Order looking at The Door out of the corner of my eye thinking “The Door is really long? Is it actually gonna fit under the bed.” Indeed The Door was too long to get under the bed. By less than a centimetre. And I don’t mean it hung out the end of the bed and I couldn’t handle it [though if this were true it would also be TRUE!] I mean that no matter which way I tried, the door was too big, the angles were not right, there was no was I could get The Door under The Frigging Bed. At one point I was even jammed in the bedroom with The Door wedged between the foot of the bed and the door of the room at a steep angle and with all the strength in the world, I almost couldn’t move The Door.
With one bruised foot I dragged The Door back to the hallway. I won’t even enjoy cutting the stupid thing in half.

Now back when I was at college, people who were into The Doors dressed like this:

Only fast forward to No Hate in 08 and dudes who dress like this – what are they listening to? Well this guy listens to DUBSTEP!! Wow. I know this because he had a CD in his hand BOX OF DUB / DUBSTEP AND FUTUREDUB.
Look at that cardigan.
Look at how his feet are on not on the floor nicely in front of him.

One I rang up a number for a man looking for a woman to go on a date with on an investigatory dare from C.I.B. I wasn’t dating anyone and she was with Hot Dog. We picked a guy from The Guide weekly listing thing. So I called and listened to the guy’s message he left for me. “Hi I’m blah blah years old. I work at Skoob, which is a bookshop. And I’m going bald, but I don’t CARE.” We didn’t go on a date. Anyway, I imagine at the time that Baldy Skoob man looked like the Dubstep Man.

I’m cooking a fish supper for three wimmin tomorrow night. I have big plans. Let’s hope I fair well. Mussels, chermoula and amaretti… Let me leave you with a wimmin’s issue, a Chick With A Gun, Pippa Brooks giving it her best shot [literally]:

Pippa looks so much like Detective Calleigh Duquesne from CSI: Miami. And yeah – she hits the bullseye.


Oh and a cool Paris sticker I bought in Paris once years ago.

xx Lektrogirl

February 17, 2008

MY SUNDAY LUNCH

From Tasmania, Jansz Sparkling Pink!

Smoked duck breast with capers and sauerkraut. I’ll order anything on the menu that comes with sauerkraut. Except pigs weird parts. Unless they are minced into a sausage.

Crab, Fennel and Watercress salad.

I’m so glad I didn’t get the roast pork belly. It had hairs on it still in the crackling which grossed me out. And my friend was going on about his recent trip to Hong Kong and all the pig skin he ate. Which made me feel all wrong on the inside. Anyway the food was nice but I didn’t really enjoy myself this afternoon until I got cracking in the kitchen:

I mean, you can see how crooked the door is and the filler isn’t finished yet either BUT I DID THAT. I recycled a cabinet I ripped out from another part of the kitchen and put it back here, cutting it down, to cover under the sink.

All the things that are annoying me in my house I’m just getting rid of them all. Gone, gone, gone. And gone for good.

xx Lektrogirl

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February 10, 2008

SOME SONGS TO PAINT TO

Totally obvs to anyone as to why this song should be here. A great song for getting the tools together, opening the paint tin and getting a job underway.

Indeed the whole Dr Dre album is great DIY music. As is the Snoop Dogg album Tha Last Meal. I fully recommend either of these.

And definitely the DJ Guy Fired Up Promo mix that I have mentioned before on the blog.

I love this weird Spanish cover song and it is great for doing corner bits with the paint brush. You do need to change the mood a bit for this work, but still nothing too chill. You could also try this:

Yeah I know what a lot of people say about Tatu. But it’s a great song to paint to.

Or this classic Robert Palmer if you aren’t into lesbians produced by Trevor Horn.

I’m obsessed with Rick Ross at the moment, but he is ugly with bitch titties and goes on about how many lips he’s got on him but that is so impossible. I don’t get it. I’ve done a lot of things in my life I can’t rationalise. But get the Big Red Bass Mix of Hustlin. It has a better pace for the roller on the walls. It is is better when he sings “Whip it whip it real hard”. It is good for when you get really to the point of “I can’t go on but there is only a bit left to do.”

If you have any further suggestions to make as to what you think might be a good painting song please do not hesitate to make a comment and I will try it out. I know anonymous blogging has been turned off since “the asshole in Singapore” incident [Alex T I still love you for the service you provided me that day. I just hope you didn't hear my voice cracking on the phone.]

MWLLOL – LOL

Sorry for the absence of the last few days. Painting shelves and skirting boards is taking longer than I first thought. And even though I am using water based gloss it still stinks like ammonia – a bit like having my face in a kitty litter tray while lying on the floor.

I have all kinds of pictures to post from more glamorous moments in my life but I just haven’t got them off the camera yet – dinner at La Barca with the Maison B ladies where Sarah Lee banned me from going to Paris with everyone [I don't know why!], the pictures from the French deli off Holloway Road where I went with Jane and the Salade Nicoise that Cardinal cooked me the other night too.

In fact, here is a video we made of Cardinal cooking. Yes – they are her hands and arms [the nails! I know!] She also did the voice over. We nicked the camera equipment from her work that is why the video looks so professional!

Anyway I am sure you will all forgive me for not writing more regularly when I show you this hot blog – MEN WHO LOOK LIKE OLD LESBIANS.

So the top 25 men who look like old lesbians appeared on cracked.com

Here is a selection:


#25. Chuck Klosterman

He Is:
A Pop-culture obsessed and farm-raised hipster who writes for GQ and ESPN.

Looks Like:
Someone who has penned 14 books on the spiritual nature of the vulva.


#18. Kyle MacLachlan

He Is:
Actor known for his work with David Lynch and Elizabeth Berkley.

Looks Like:
A manager of a website about two pet dogs.

See the whole Top 25 here.

And for people who want to go straight to the source, here is the original men who look like old lesbians site. It is funny to take a moment and think which guys I know could make it onto this site one day. I know they talk about turtle necks here but I’m going to propose a propensity for wearing flannel checked shirts and cardigans or a zip-up hoodie. That being said I am sitting here prepared to paint today wearing a flannel checked cowboy shirt with pearlised popper buttons and an “Enjoy California” written in the coca cola script t-shirt [both hand-me-overs from an old flatmate] that I only ever wear for painting. And the now legendary cut off grey tracky daks from Primark. I know I don’t look like a lesbian though cause I don’t have a piercing in my eyebrow and that would be the what it would take to flip this look from “Do It Yourself” to “Dildo Into You”. YGM.

xx Lektrogirl

February 6, 2008

LAST FROM DIAMOND GRILLS

I heard from DJ Goon today who is also working on plumbing and painting in his Paris apartment. I’m obsessed with the tiles in his kitchen. He sent me some links, on of them was to Rye Rye who is doing some rapping on one of their tracks soon.

Hey and listen to M.I.A. when they performed together

And here is some more UK talent – the fastest rapper in the UK [apparently]V Double O:

Maybe he just wants go get through his bars real quick?
Strike a pose like the “Vogue” when it plays on the Ra D I O, so lets just
Roll around the city playing all my tracks loud
I don’t wanna see nobody being false
Anybody wanna bring it? You can act out
Hit em with the triple team like “Waltz”
Kick a rhythm and I’m bringing in the drama, sick of people telling me about the La La
Everytime I spit upon a track I spit harder, make your body wiggle like you wanna “Lambada”

For example.

xx Lektrogirl

February 5, 2008

A NICHE DISTRACTION

So I just ate a muffin with the Confiture de Châtaigne I brought back from Paris ages ago from the little place at the back of the market who’s name I forget right now quite shittily. Châtaigne are sweet chestnuts. I just had an online conversation with Deano about The Wombles and did they eat chestnuts. I felt really guilty for getting him involved in such a twee and ridiculous conversation when I don’t care so much anyway. The confiture however – is INCREDIBLE.

We also had a brief conversation about T2 – he sent me the link for this:

I don’t think he will be spinning it any time soon. Nor me. I liked Heartbroken.

It says in the description for ‘Gonna Be Mine’ that the two girls, Addictive are 20 and 21. I don’t believe it. One of them looks as old as me. The one with the silver boob tube. The thing I like about this kind of music is that 1] it is a distraction from wanting to go back to the kitchen and eat another muffin and 2] it kind of reminds me of 2Unlimited except for 2008 – like after it got rung through the drawers of like 50 Cent after he sweated it out on stage doing ‘In Da Club’ or something. I remember when Pure Groove was the UK Garage shop in North London instead of the white leather belt hipster zone that is is today and being on a train with EDMX and Nick from Rephlex making jokes about speed garage. If I was still in pleasant conversation with Nick, that must have been years ago. [Long before I claimed the mechanicals due to me from the company which didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped.]

See another 5 minutes have passed and I didn’t eat more confiture.


Here is another blast from the past. Nervous Stephen gave this to me for my birthday one year. Well from the message on the back I guess he missed my birthday by a week. I found this and decided to put it on the wall again. I used to date Stephen you know [also a long time ago].


This picture is another birthday picture. I picked it up in Hamburg last time I was there and I will frame it and put it somewhere in the house. I used to have a framed mirror printed with Rocky on it above the toilet but it used to put all the guys off peeing so I had to move it. I won’t put this in the loo OR in the bedroom I guess.


Behind this postcard is part of a Paperrad silkscreen that is meant to be cut into business cards for some art fair in Miami. I love it so much cause Dracula is on his lap top. That is the best part. The postcard in front is the best postcard and piece of New Media Art ever. I bought it on Tottenham Court Road.

Of all the more interesting things I could post on Gumtree, I was considering posting a wanted ad for a 160cm square piece of vintage floor vinyl or set of Dalsouple rubber tiles. [That is only 5 tiles!] It is for my bathroom. If anyone has anything like that, let me know. Or if you have a link to a website for a dealer specialising in vintage floor vinyl please give it up!

xx Lektrogirl

February 4, 2008

I’M TOO GOOD

Finally I got rid of that pissy virus. So as a pleasurable end to the evening here I am posting the pictures for the post before


Showerface. See the new tiles? And in the background with all the other perfume that I mean to keep mentioning, Perles de Lalique. I bought this in Singapore on my way home from Australia after being called a witch by XXCENSOREDXX. [I actally know who did that now.] “Perles de Lalique is a chypre scent with pungent notes of oak moss, patchouli, vetivert, orris and Bourbon black pepper enriched with the heady note of Bulgarian rose. It was created by Nathalie Lorson of Firmenich.” I don’t know what it is that it reminds me of. Something fizzy – a bit like sherbet, and something woody. A bit like ginger beer, but no ginger. Shit sorry – I just closed the window for where I got that quote from about the smell. No – hyperlink…

My favourite perfume that I wear that people always comment on is Molecule Eau De Toilette. “Molecules is based on an aroma-chemical called Iso E Super that has a pheramonic effect. Molecule 01 consists of nothing but the pure aroma-chemical, which acting solo is more of an effect than an aroma. The subtle velvety, woody note vanishes and re-appears over time and impacts on the reactions of other people to the wearer.” That all sounds a bit emperors new clothes but Covvo and Kellie will both confirm that this perfume is DELICIOUS.


And here is something I forgot to mention previously. These are my new glasses – well 2 out of 3 of them. The shop I thought had closed down on Junction Road never closed at all. There is an old lamp from Heals in there that I love and an old cafe sign. Anyway – finally I can crack open the Chamberyzette cause I have suitable glasses for pouring it in to.

xx Lektrogirl

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