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May 17, 2008

ABSOLUTE TRUTH

I am about to nip out and get some number 2 drill bits in an attempt to child safe my flat for L’il Money’s visit as of tomorrow. She is worried I can’t speak Danish or Swedish and I’m worried I can’t speak Danish. Fortunately her father can speak both Danish and English so everything should be cool. I’m really looking forward to it. Though I really worry about the time Venom broke the Babycham glass – you know how slivers of glass can turn up mysteriously months later no matter how many times you vacuum.

Before I do go out I just wanted to say I really didn’t think I had any shame on the Internet and I often talk to my friends ‘Blah Blah whatever I just don’t care about what people can find about me on the Internet… I’ve always had a personal website since 1999 it’s all like NBD blah blah’ like Miss Big Tings. I thought I would feel embarrassed to have a video circulating of me singing, or my Dad send me an email about my boobs on Flickr but no. There is an Achilles heel tho’ – MY RECENTLY LISTENED TRACKS ON LAST FM PROFILE. If someone really wanted to have a go – at any level – I would suggest going through there and having a really good laugh. Ed DMX was right when he said I have the worst record collection ever and it is looking that way with the MP3’s as well. The other day when BDL was having brunch, I was SO ASHAMED by some of the music that come on iTunes.
So if it is any consolation to anyone who has felt over exposed by chatter on my posts perhaps take solace in the fact that as long as I’m scrobbling I’m paying my penance – and for that reason I am obliged to scrobble for eternity.

xx Lektrogirl

May 5, 2008

A NEW PLACE

I remember trailing through Melbourne airport just before Christmas and posting on my blog that I was in search of some answers to that question ‘Who am I?’ while staring up at oversized Christmas baubles suspended from the ceiling checking out my distorted reflection. So much has happened since then. It is nice to find some moments of knowing myself – but then other times I wake up and it’s like Freaky Friday and I’ve woken up in someone else’s body. The Cardinal told me tonight about how much she hates washing up cutlery. This was really encouraging – I thought there was something wrong with me cause I also REALLY hate cutlery. I’m so happy to know I’m normal in that respect. I have been talking with Rubber Band Man. To be honest – I thought that maybe he was just a London party dude. I was so wrong. He is funny and clever and such a warm person. It is funny – when you meet someone sometimes you can find out so much about yourself, but at the same time have so much just tipped on it’s head.

Tonight at the Air Commodore’s birthday we had the worse Margaritas known to man at Diner on Curtain Road. I would rather drink bile than go back there again. And here are some pics from Go Bang! which was great. Alex T’s DJing was awesome!


Fav picture of the night.


Me and the Air Commodore.


The greatest DJ. Check out the aura of the decks! Spiritual vibes.

What else to tell you – well there is a LOT. I’ll tell you about the man I has sex with ten years ago that was at the party tonight another time. I think I want to go and thing a bit more about the answer to that question, who am I?

xx Lektrogirl

May 2, 2008

AGONY NEARLY OVER

Shit, so last night at the Tabby Cat Lounge was really fun! On the walk to the venue from different directions, Venom and I both noticed how many really nice bars, pubs and restaurants there are in our area. The Tabby Cat Lounge [the name?!] looks really tiny from the front but actually inside it is massive and split over two giant rooms with a garden.

The Bad Things:
My major criticism was the horrid ‘window’ display they had of all the drinks on a computer print out without the file names removed – so everything was like tabbycat001.jpg, tabbycat002.jpg, tabbycat003.jpg etc etc. However, when I walked into the impressive interior I forgot about it.

A few of my drinks were listed in the menu to be garnished with cherries or mint. It disappointedly me [and I think reasonable to be saddened] that these items were omitted when the drink was served. It only impacted on my inner vibes that likes to have things done properly but did not impact on the drinks.

At another table there were four American girls talking so loud – one about her husband this that and the other, the other about sticking her fingers into a lighting sconce and electrocuting herself etc etc until one of them deservedly spilt a drink all over herself and down the back of the chair she was sitting on – everywhere.

The Good Things:
They serve Miller’s Gin – £2.95!
Short cocktails are £5.95
Tall cocktails are £6.95
Champagne cocktails are £7.95
2oz cocktails are £3.95


My sick drink and Venoms Slippery Nipple.

I had a Cherry Martini, a Louisiana Lush, a Classic Champagne Cocktail, a Tom Collins [with Tanqueray Gin] and some red 2oz drink I can’t remember the name of but it did taste a bit like sick and Venom kept up all the way and the whole bill was £60 [including service]. Which Venom paid!

My favourite drink was the Louisiana Lush that was Vanilla Vodka, Limes and something else.

Venom and I got REALLY PISSED. And were even friendly with one another!

It is of course just a matter of time before we fall out with each other again but we really had a great evening. Hopefully we don’t have another big falling out before Summer time cause there are definitely going to be some good times there.

I did not have such a great morning this morning when the neighbours alarm clock went off at 5.45, then a wood pigeon from the Heath had a rest in my garden cooing to it’s heart’s delight in its throaty calls, then the hot mail man came to bring the rest of my new tea set:


I have settings for 6 people in this set. When will we all have a tea party? Maybe when Mrs Vanderbilt and Covvo are back in town which I am SO LOOKING FORWARD TO!!!

xx Lektrogirl

April 20, 2008

THE BEST FRIDAY

At the depths of despair – or maybe it was chronic PMT – I rang my Mutts the other night crying about everything and nothing. [It is a long story.] And like a superstar she knew just the fixer. She told me to get £20 out of her bank account and go and do something nice the next day. So obviously I went and did the best thing you could do on a Friday in London – I went to Borough Market.

Like everyone else who sees these, I am always totally captivated by them hanging there at the stall at Borough. One girl came up to me after I photographed them and asked me if I thought the stall owners should be allowed to display them there. She thought that they should be hidden. I mean – I could see what she was saying, but I didn’t see it as any different to all the other meat on display all over the market [albeit without fur and cute ears] or the fish in the fabulous fish stall which is my personal favourite stall.

Granted the rabbits did stink of blood. I asked her if she was a vegetarian and she said no. She just felt that the display of rabbits was ‘a little violent’. The rabbits just made me think of when I was young and we had ‘pet’ rabbits that were actually bought to grow for meat anyway. But my sister and I had befriended them all and been playing with them regularly taking them out of the cage and letting them run all over the garden. When I went out to the garage one day to see The G.A. almost at staggering stage from a lot of whiskey and a half skinned rabbit hanging from the corrugated iron roof I felt really awful. I asked The G.A. if I could have a go at skinning it, he said yes, I ripped off some pelt and it sounded like Velcro ripping apart. I felt even more awful. Then later at the dinner table, I felt more awful still.

Anyway back to Borough Market.


The money Mutts gave me I spent at Brindisa on tortilla and chicory salad and a coffee. All for £12.04 [including service.] I made the chicory salad for myself the next day for lunch it was so good. And the tortilla was pretty good – warm and gooey – but not as good as the tortilla from La Rosa in Madrid!

Then I went and bought a variety of snacks to be had with Prosecco while Cardinal and I prepared ourselves for Deano’s birthday. Focaccia bread, beetroot hummus, fresh tomatoes, blue cheese and garlic olives. Venom also came over but he broke one of my limited edition Babycham glasses that Max gave me as a present when I still worked at the shop. I was drinking ‘Rose Royals’ [prosecco and French rose syrup] while Cardinal had prosecco with Bush Liqueur I brought back from Tasmania made with Pepperberries. Anyway as soon as we got to the party, and the Imodium I gave Venom to stop him pooing all over the place worked it was good times all round.

And now by Sunday morning, the misery has gone and I am much happier! Thanks Mum.

xx Lektrogirl

April 5, 2008

NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Tonight Cardinal, Venom and I went to some random house party full of New Zealanders. Enough said about that. On the way home, we went to the bagel shop on Brick Lane [the yellow one.] In the queue, some cute guy was chatting my up. He was telling me that he felt like a knob the way he was dressed cause normally he dressed more indie [he looked nice - maybe he thought I looked indie?] Unfortunately, he had a pimple on his forehead that looked quite angry with a bit of a scab on it. And you all know my latest obsession about these things. I just looked at it and thought ‘No’ cause I knew just too well what this facial infection could become. Even so, he was cute and funny. Until he said ‘Hermes’ wrong. Then I knew it could never be true between us. I clutched my warm loaf of bread and my cream cheese bagel and joined Cardinal and Venom on the street outside and we stuffed the bagels in our faces and caught a taxi home.

If I hadn’t found a fiver outside the bottle shop where we picked up some booze before the house party I could have almost written the whole night off [Venom accused me of ruining his whole night and then finished up with his usual rant that I never understand about cab routes - even though for the most part we were having a good time together. If only the afterglow of his disco poo that he was so happy to tell me about had lasted longer...] However it was pretty fun.

Tomorrow looks like it will be a cracker. Cardinal is sanding her floors and has hired a machine to do it. I’m going over in my sweats just to watch! So cool! Tonight at the party I was explaining to Milan the reason why a particular wall had cracked in the house we were in and that in fact they could remove it an have a massive front room. It was a partition wall the land lord must have put in to make an extra bedroom.

Anyway, last time I sat at the computer drunk and late at night I ended up sending a Facebook message to XXCENSOREDXX saying ‘I saw you talking to some friends of mine at the party the other night and I was too nervous to come and say hi then. But I wanted to tell you that you were the most beautiful man in the room.’ Etc Etc. Suffice to say I have not heard back from him. And honesty, if he had replied to that message I don’t think I would have had a lot of respect for him. Instead he did what any normal person would – he immediately told the mutual friend, who rushed into Soho [possibly not any quicker] to tell Pippa all about it. When admitting my shame, I didn’t grill Pippa to find out any more about what was said – I can only imagine the guffaws between friends as he read out my message over the phone to her – I mean GOD I would have cut and paste the whole thing and put it on my blog if someone had sent it to me. The thing is, I can’t believe I actually did it as it is SO NOT what I would do. What deep and humiliating shame that I have endured. Over a week has passed since then though and I am pretty much over it and LOL to myself regularly about it. And the major disappointment was – when I first saw him in the club I thought he was Spanish or Italian – just some dude. Then Cardinal told me ‘OMG that’s XXCENSOREDXX’. So in fact he doesn’t speak with a swarthy European accent – I watched some video of him being interviewed and it wasn’t like my fantasy at all.

So, on that note, I am going to bed to have a real fantasy. And maybe the hot postman will arrive in the morning with another one of his packaged for me.

xx Lektrogirl

March 7, 2008

DJ VENOM’S NEW HIT SONG

That is him on the mic. He had a bit of help from the Ruff Sqwad though.

xx Lektrogirl

March 5, 2008

THE BOUNCER

This time yigga REALLY banned me!

February 25, 2008

BANNED FROM YIGGA’S LJ

DJ Venom has banned me from his LiveJournal. MEGA LOL ROTFLOL CARTWHEELS!!! And I haven nothing against Jewish people – but Jew jokes always get a rise out of Venom. But seemingly I shouldn’t be offended about all his “All the Australians…” comments.

xx Lektrogirl

February 12, 2008

WHAT A FABULOUS HOLIDAY

In between the usual DIY – I just took off the kitchen door [my trail of change is spreading further through the house] and scrabbling on the floor painting skirting boards – I learnt you can check webcams on Google maps.

I really want to go here on my holiday…

Well that is how it looks today. Here is the link to the live webcam page. Check back in a week or two to see how it looks then.

Webcam webcam camping les galets - Europe, France, Tatzó d'Avall

But even I was sent there by someone else on holiday, I would still be a very happy girl. Last night with Cardinal and Pickles, I went round to Venom’s house for dinner. I made the starter, Venom did the mains and Cardinal took care of dessert.


I made a selection of ‘Vietnamese Rice Paper Rolls’. Basically it was the same concept with various fillings cause as I learnt Jews don’t eat prawns cause they are pigs of the ocean and eat shit etc.


This is Venom’s dish. It was delicious. Oh and I forgot to photograph the salsa he made for nibbles – it was one of the best I ate.


This is Cardinal’s Cheesecake. She makes the best cakes ever on earth – except for the ones my Mum makes. This cheesecake was perfect in every way. Except the little crack on the side. But we ate the evidence.

I have a hilarious video of Venom telling a story about the girl who gave him the best blow jobs ever that involves some dating website pre Friendster but I have been banned from allowing it to ever surface on the internet. I was watching it this morning in anticipation of YouTubing it laughing my head off, but that was previous to the email ban I received. Boo hoo.

We also briefly discussed the Hamas controlling the Gaza Strip – I watched that show the other night ‘Inside the Hamas’ and I found it really interesting. Not cause I was anyone’s side – just that I am totally pig ignorant about political issues and at last I finally understood a little bit about the different crews battling it out on the Gaza strip. In my brief synopsis of the show which ended with “And now the Hamas are just in there hitting people with big sticks. It seems wrong.” Pickles just looked at me and said I should have a political column in a newspaper.

In other news, Fat Pat ‘Tops Drop’ is the most played track on my iTunes.

xx Lektrogirl

January 22, 2008

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

As I go through the piles of random stuff I have stored away in all sorts of places [rent books from when I lived in the homeless persons unit paying 6 pounds per week rent, passport photos and flyers from parties I DJ's at around Europe for example] I have had some wonderful things to think about in my head from – and I’m sure it will suprise many of you – the incredibly spiritual DJ Venom.

Just now he hit me up with an email:

“Philippa’s the brunette Cat Blanchett [sic]. Discuss?”

I could only reply that there was nothing to be said cause it is true.

Last night I was asked “Describe Prancehall.”

The only response I could think of was “The best thing to happen to UK Grime in the last two years.”

Jo Mitchell also phoned me so we were able to discuss in detail Denzel Washington in the movie Training Day. Her favourite part is at the beginning where Denzel flicks all the switches in his car for the hydraulics and Dr Dre comes on the sound system. I prefer towards the end where Denzel looses it a bit and cried out into the ghetto streets “King Kong’s got nothing on me!!” [I wonder if he ad libbed that part?]It is interesting perhaps to note at this point that Rick Ross also refers to his crew as gorillas and there is also the INCREDIBLY SPIRITAL cry R. Kelly makes in his song “Snake” – LIKE TWO GORILLAS IN THE JUNGLE MAKING LOVE !! Totally sexual spiritual vibes.

Anyway this line of conversation referencing big strong men and gorillas leads me to another Denzel Washington movie which I caught the end of on TV last night. WOW! Unbelieveable. I can’t be bothered to get up and find the Heat magazine with the name of the movie in it. But it was about College football in a time where racism towards a black coach was more overt than it is today [maybe]. There were some monkey “jokes” in it and Denzel even threw a banana. But basically good triumphs over evil though someone ends up in a wheelchair in this movie too.

xx Lektrogirl

January 16, 2008

TURN OFF THE COMPUTER

You know it is time to do something else when you find stuff like this:

And obviously Venom is very good at his job writing reviews for whatever he does:


He forgot the parts about obsessions with bras, Javier Bardem, Alex T and tiling.

He also claimed that his dick is like a can of Red Bull [can I write that Venom?] and that I would definitely get some black dick on the weekend if I came to Fabric. Unfortunately, I am already going to a sleepover at a lesbians house on Friday where I am sure the activity will be a lot like 2 minutes into this video clip:


It’s “No More Love” from 1933.

xx Lektrogirl

December 28, 2007

SAM MEETS DJ VENOM

December 21, 2007

MUM, MEET DJ VENOM


Mum and I have been bouncing around to the DJ Venom Maximum Carnage mix that you can download here. My Mum quite liked it, some of it she said was a bit too fast but the bassline stuff she was into. [If I caught her at a dupstep party I would fucking kill her.] Yesterday I could see her out of the corner of my eye vibing to Trina’s “Jealous Girls” which is a personal favourite.

My mother is pretty cool considering she is 65. She doesn’t have bad legs either for a lady her age.

Anyway – the nerds are here – my neice and nephews!! Woo Hoo!! GTG.

xx Lektrogirl

December 12, 2007

WAKEY WAKEY

I woke up this morning after the most weird dreams I have had for a long time. Basically, Prancehall and I became friends like true playas and his family lived under my appartment. I had really luxurious cream carpet. Even so, I could hear Prancehall or his father coughing through the floorboards. Then I was in this large place like a school – it was like my college in Tasmania but the rooms had been upgraded since I was there. I went into the toilet and my mother had written this note about the toilet paper blocking the toilets and there was bloody toilet paper wrapped around the handle for flushing the toilet. Later I walked in on Prancehall who had just done his own poo while talking to Venom who was just in a little cupboard room next door. I told Prancehall to flush the toilet. It was full of poo and blood and paper. Anyway – then through the rest of the dream where I was waiting for Roxy to get her laptop, talking on the phone and then he appeared in front of me the US agent for Katharine Hamnett and calling Prancehall on the mobile even though he was in the same room cause we were friends now and it seemed like mega fun.

So – lets look at yesterday’s events which led me to be dreaming like this.

After a LOOOOOOONG day at the office – tantrums, tears, bollockings etc it was the work Christmas party. We got free tickets to Les 7 Doits Circus or whatever it was at The Roundhouse. Thank God we didn’t pay and everyone was pretty dissapointed. There was like only one really hot guy who took his top off. Then we went to The Mango Room for our work Christmas dinner. For the record I want it to be known that I had opted for dinner and cocktails at Julie’s and I never agreed to the trapese show to music like Cold Play. Came home wanting to kill myself after the most hideous day ever.


Jess from work. ‘Dont get on my bad siiiiiide”


My dinner – Goat Curry. Just like Sean Paul cooks me when I back at his.

I continued a conversation on AIM with Prancehall and Venom that I had started earlier under the table at the christmas dinner. Basically, after ascertaining the true circumstances in which Prancehall told Venom I’m selfish, Prancehall was trying to convince me that either one of my friends should get with Venom OR I should get with Venom. And the only reason why Venom acts so weird and awkward around me is cause he really likes me. So then I asked Venom and he said “You wish you are old and have an ugly minge and are probably a bad shag.” Maybe Prancehall and Venom should try it out together. Prancehall obvs really likes Venom so much so he is trying to get Venom to have sex so that he can go home and obscess about being cupid. Maybe even sexually obscess. Who knows. Venom spends half his time hating me or liking me. Maybe I am selfish cause I only like Venom when he is liking me. We also discuss Venom’s recent toilet troubles.

Then when I got to bed I reviewed all text messages I got from friends today that dont require urgent attention – as I usually do – and replied to one from Alex T where I told him what a bummer my day had been and how Prancehall had just been trying to convince me to have sex with venom. Alex T’s thoughtful response was “Go On! I heard he has a dick like a coke can.” Again for the record – firstly: this doesn’t actually sound that appealing and secondly: I have slept with two guys who had dicks not unlike this description before. I know what I like and what I don’t. When I realised Alex T wasn’t joking I called him back to ask for his address. I’m gonna store it up and kill him later. [Actually FYI if Alex T actually get's murdered in his bed - I'm not actually going to shank him.]

Oh God – am reminding myself of so many things I could write about here. Here is a list reminder: Karl, Smiler, Movie about the woman getting stabbed in the back, To Pimping!, Denzel Washington, more efficient without cotton on the body.

I have to get to work. I told myself before I started I could only type for 15 minutes.

xx Lektrogirl

November 17, 2007

LET’S GET PERSONAL

Okay so basically, here is my life lately. Glamour, great hair, fabulous tits and party lifestyle.

Actually no it was more like this – great in concept but something a bit wrong with the excution.

Last night I had to stay home in my pyjamas cause I was just too over everything and cold even though I was meant to DJ. I heard Prancehall got my back there so that was fine. I wonder if he would be suitable to play me in the movie of my life? Don’t forget he will have to pork himself up [hope he isn't a Muzzie or a Jew] for the role. Prancehall had told me earlier that the squat party from last week was meant to be really good. So I told him about the toilets with the wet floor and the sink hanging off the wall, the smell of poppers and greasy onion baajis [some tell me how to spell that - this is when you know I'm still not Britsh cause I can't spell any Indian food], the woman with the latex pig masks etc and his words were “It sounds awful”.

Hang on no scratch the second video and check the first one again. I had a brilliant night out for Kesh’s birthday. Me and my glamourous friends met at Trader Vic’s – Cardinal was even showing a bit of bra that DJ Venom couldn’t help but notice, I blew Antoinette’s mind by reeling of purchases she made from The World according To… over two years ago and coaxed Manara out to Yo Yo cause she was looking mega hot.

SPEAKING OF SARA MANARA!!!
SHE WILL NOW BE JOINING THE PARTY POSSEE AT THE GOLDEN PUDEL DJING AS ONE HALF OF FAGGATRONIX!! DON’T MISS!!


And in final news, Karma is working out beautifully. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

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