Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

April 8, 2010

VOMIT SHIT BUG

I don’t have it but I got the day off today. I will be working remotely on the end of year accounts. Last night I had a rainy strange dream that I was back working at Katharine Hamnett with the lawyer wearing a ginger wig, the PA, the rest of the staff all mixed in back to when I was also the visual merchandiser at Urban Outfitters when the first store opened here on Kensington High Street. I will put the crazy dreams down to eating too much with the Cardinal at El Parador – the Portuguese restaurant in Mornington Crescent I am eternally grateful to Mrs Kipling for introducing it to me [and the rest of the Lady Gang.] We had a roast beetroot, raddiccio and pinenut dish I am craving right now!

Mutts is having a hysterectomy today and my sister and I are discussing gross out facts like pads in the vagina to stop it from growing over after the op, her cat Harley stealing chicken right out of my niece Chloe’s mouth, telling the kids I ate brain and the look of horror on their faces, Dad will live to 100 and will definitely keep lying until his final moment as to how he has fallen out of his chair [third time today in as many weeks - just waiting for the other hip to snap...], reminiscing about Cherry Choc Wedges at the Royal Hobart Hospital kiosk and their demise, eating tongue or tripe in Scotland. It was a nice sisterly moment that doesn’t always happen between us.

I am counting down the days until I see my fambles again – on the 24th I will be touching down at Hobart International Airport. I’m not joking. It really is a slightly fancy giant corrugated iron shed.

April 27, 2009

WASSUP LATELY

Life has been going a bit better for me than this rat I saw on the Holly Lodge Estate over the weekend. And better than this fish at the 02 Centre on Finchley Road where their aquarium mortality rate is incredibly high I think. Who can forget that big black fish that was floating around in the tank for months “asleep”?

Then I went out to Real Gold with The Cardinal after scoffing a bottle of Champagne that V gave me for Christmas, what was left of a bottle of vodka mixed with tonic on the tube and even more at the party itself.

Louis Enchanté was there standing in a puddle of water and I had a great chat to him later after he came to dry land and he then introduced me to his brother. While we all talked, a guy spent the evening on his hands and knees scooping up the flood with a plastic half pint glass into a bucket. I was thinking we were going to build an ark but it didn’t come to that.

I was very excited to see DJ Assault play. He had called me earlier that day to ask me if I was able to come and hang out cause he had arrived earlier than he thought and he didn’t know wassup. Unfortunately I was standing on The Frenchman’s kitchen chair with a paintbrush in my hand and couldn’t go. A shame. Never the less I got to see the “Porn Star In Training” later that night.

Don’t hate a playa guys, just hate the game. It wasn’t Assault’s best set ever I have to say. He was doing a lot of juggles with doubles which I felt did not work out so great. His set was also his hits one after the other. Rumour has it that Daniel Lee is putting on DJ Assault some time later in the week at The Social which I think is the perfect club for DJ Assault. I would go check out Assault at The Social if the rumour is true!

I prefer sweaty dancing in big gay sweatbox dance clubs. A lot of people were standing there just watching the technique [Serato or equivalent...] which made serious dancing difficult – The Cardinal and I had some real moves going on. Fists ladies. The way to go. I got a lot of compliments from men telling me I am a good dancer. Thanks! Now get out of my way – I have some floor to shine. Guys were also presuming that just because I was dancing to the music that I wanted to be a sub on the dancefloor. I don’t want to get dry humped by some English man with the front of his t-shirt pulled over his face. Remember that Icey Blu song Pump It?

On the way home, I found these on the side of the road. What happened?

The following day I didn’t wake up til it was time to cook dinner. Yes. I stayed at The Frenchman’s. I had dreams all night about sexual liaisons with a very good drinking friend of mine – I’m not sure we actually had sex but we were definitely vibing. If that wasn’t peculiar enough, in the dream the windows of his house were wallpapered with aluminium foil, all the shelves were wonky and there were all this random horrible cheap plastic statues of pigs and carts with some crepe paper. And there were chewed up and mangled feathers all through the draughty cold and wet apartment from this mental cat that was eating an old feathered bathing costume. Freud – that one is all yours.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. In other news, lameatnames.com was down again for bandwidth over usage this month. Valeria and I have to come up with some money making schemes.

August 16, 2008

HERE’S TO SWEET DREAMS


with love from the countryside, originally uploaded by favoriet.

One one hand my fingers smell of garlic and the other fresh ginger [already preparing for tomorrow! Shit if I get blown out...] and I will go to bed in a minute and try and get bored to sleep. Why I don’t cook more often I don’t know. I absolutely love it. But it really is a grind cooking for just me.

August 7, 2008

HEAVY

My arms and legs are heavy. I am not sleeping and following the whole story of my dreams has stopped. I only remember tiny details of them remain when I wake – like a freckle on a shoulder or the tail end of a sentence.

And I get spam like this:

—–Original Message—–
From: Blossom Mcfarland [mailto:recombiningmz9@oelinger.com]
Sent: 07 August 2008 15:07
To: emma@XXCENSOREDXX.com
Subject: [SPAM]Re:

It breaks your heart to see the one you love is happy with someone else, but it’s more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you. http://alvs.prosperityanger.com

—–

In Kinshasa I imagine it is very hot and humid depending on the time of year.

xx Lektrogirl

July 23, 2008

MY DREAM

My intense sleep therapy is finally budging my cold. When I cough it doesn’t sound like a have a lump of phlegm the size of a small octopus in my throat. The other bonus is that I have started to have dreams again. All the time. About all kinds of things. Sometimes based on midnight phone conversations I have had. Other times just random stuff.

I dreamt I was back at school with friends. I had been expelled but was determined to stay for as long as possible to learn more and eat the free food. As I walked up a hill into a forgotten building, I saw a man who had the most beautiful face. He asked me if I needed saving. We spoke very closely to one another so that I could feel his breath on my face. We kept out conversation secret from a short woman. I told him I did and we left together. Then we walked into a street market where there were strands of seaweed for sale. He had become a woman and was no longer the calm beautiful person I met.

The thing is, I keep dreaming about seaweed ALL the time at the moment. And it always looks the type of seaweed. Apparently to see seaweed in your dream, suggests that you need to rely on your intuition and trust your instincts.

As for the slug in the photo above – I don’t think I would trust him. He was getting along really fast. Slugs are meant to be slow right?

Music I’m listening to right now:

R Kelly vs Ginuwine IN THOSE JEANS. [Two Homies for the homos.]

There is someone out there who makes this internet thug cry something terrible.

xx Lektrogirl

April 10, 2008

COUNTING SHEEP

I’m going to have a bath now and go to sleep.

Before I do that, I want to leave you with one of my pre crazy dreams songs – a really beautiful piece of music by Hikashu – a Japanese avant pop band.

It is from a great 4 track CD released by Austrian label Angelika Köhlermann [Gerhard Potuznik and Tex Rubinowitz.] If you like the song go to their website and buy the CD!

Night night and I send you sweet dreams from my pillow.

xx Lektrogirl

March 5, 2008

THE RESULT

Hardly worth it, but here it is now on YouTube:

This is the finished version of my new video for the fairly old track called louloulou [all my songs started with names like that] while it was just an MP3 but now it is a finished thing, the name is THE RESULT.

All that hex editing was hardly worth the RSI for what it achieved, but where it is most obvious I think it looks really nice.

Anyway, my sub-editor Alex T – who has now been usurped for a Firefox plug in [and AUSTRALIAN dictionary no less and the occasional French when I need to switch it on] – can take all the credit for the posting of this song online. If he hadn’t made me cry over dinner then this may have never happened. Max and I were just discussing what a well dressed man Alex T is – I can’t think of anyone in real life other than Max who dresses better. I watched Max iron his shirts, pyjamas, boxer shorts AND SOCKS today. Have I told anyone recently how much I love Max? Well I hope Alex at least doesn’t hate what I made.

I did an online proficiency test for my French language skills and apparently I am Intermediate. Which surprised me! I thought I would be advanced beginner or something. Lovely.

Last night I dreamt I was a prostitute. I dreamt that I met a girl from my college called Danielle and she had been a working girl for a little while and she was hooking me up with the place she worked. I had to go to this pier and there was a giant cinema with brass detailing all around the edges of the posters. In a secret panel of the door, a midget opened a door and threw a haggard old man out of his wheelchair into the street. I announced “I’ve come to see Danielle”. The midget let me in and I had to walk up this cranky stair case with a moving partition wall. All the handrails were covered with really long public hair. It disgusted me. Then I got to the little waiting room area and realised I was in jeans and sneakers – not what I thought I should be wearing. Then I realised the other girls were in pink chavvy tracksuits. They lent me some jewellery to wear – it was an enamel horse. Then a customer called Mark came in who was one of Jo’s regulars. He was wearing a thong made out of something a bit thicker than cling film. Thank God I woke up before I had to do anything with anyone. Thank God for you too cause I would have told you all about it.

I’m so tired tonight.

xx Lektrogirl

December 12, 2007

WAKEY WAKEY

I woke up this morning after the most weird dreams I have had for a long time. Basically, Prancehall and I became friends like true playas and his family lived under my appartment. I had really luxurious cream carpet. Even so, I could hear Prancehall or his father coughing through the floorboards. Then I was in this large place like a school – it was like my college in Tasmania but the rooms had been upgraded since I was there. I went into the toilet and my mother had written this note about the toilet paper blocking the toilets and there was bloody toilet paper wrapped around the handle for flushing the toilet. Later I walked in on Prancehall who had just done his own poo while talking to Venom who was just in a little cupboard room next door. I told Prancehall to flush the toilet. It was full of poo and blood and paper. Anyway – then through the rest of the dream where I was waiting for Roxy to get her laptop, talking on the phone and then he appeared in front of me the US agent for Katharine Hamnett and calling Prancehall on the mobile even though he was in the same room cause we were friends now and it seemed like mega fun.

So – lets look at yesterday’s events which led me to be dreaming like this.

After a LOOOOOOONG day at the office – tantrums, tears, bollockings etc it was the work Christmas party. We got free tickets to Les 7 Doits Circus or whatever it was at The Roundhouse. Thank God we didn’t pay and everyone was pretty dissapointed. There was like only one really hot guy who took his top off. Then we went to The Mango Room for our work Christmas dinner. For the record I want it to be known that I had opted for dinner and cocktails at Julie’s and I never agreed to the trapese show to music like Cold Play. Came home wanting to kill myself after the most hideous day ever.


Jess from work. ‘Dont get on my bad siiiiiide”


My dinner – Goat Curry. Just like Sean Paul cooks me when I back at his.

I continued a conversation on AIM with Prancehall and Venom that I had started earlier under the table at the christmas dinner. Basically, after ascertaining the true circumstances in which Prancehall told Venom I’m selfish, Prancehall was trying to convince me that either one of my friends should get with Venom OR I should get with Venom. And the only reason why Venom acts so weird and awkward around me is cause he really likes me. So then I asked Venom and he said “You wish you are old and have an ugly minge and are probably a bad shag.” Maybe Prancehall and Venom should try it out together. Prancehall obvs really likes Venom so much so he is trying to get Venom to have sex so that he can go home and obscess about being cupid. Maybe even sexually obscess. Who knows. Venom spends half his time hating me or liking me. Maybe I am selfish cause I only like Venom when he is liking me. We also discuss Venom’s recent toilet troubles.

Then when I got to bed I reviewed all text messages I got from friends today that dont require urgent attention – as I usually do – and replied to one from Alex T where I told him what a bummer my day had been and how Prancehall had just been trying to convince me to have sex with venom. Alex T’s thoughtful response was “Go On! I heard he has a dick like a coke can.” Again for the record – firstly: this doesn’t actually sound that appealing and secondly: I have slept with two guys who had dicks not unlike this description before. I know what I like and what I don’t. When I realised Alex T wasn’t joking I called him back to ask for his address. I’m gonna store it up and kill him later. [Actually FYI if Alex T actually get's murdered in his bed - I'm not actually going to shank him.]

Oh God – am reminding myself of so many things I could write about here. Here is a list reminder: Karl, Smiler, Movie about the woman getting stabbed in the back, To Pimping!, Denzel Washington, more efficient without cotton on the body.

I have to get to work. I told myself before I started I could only type for 15 minutes.

xx Lektrogirl

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