Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

March 7, 2011

LAST NOTE FROM AUSTRALIA

it si brilliant when you overhear someone say “cUppAcino”. You know you have really arrived home.
Food is cheap, wetther is good, cars are old and the g’days come free. There are things like proper restaurants now, the best gallery in the world (build in an excavated cave no less showing everything from old coins to waterfalls displaying words generated by google in jets and everything in between)
Only Hobart lives in London spending life as a cat and the largest monolith in my life is called Anthony.
After three days with my mother I know only too well how it is with nuclear strength I can work happily alongside my boss who seems to thrive on stress – as much as she denies it.
There is an escalator somewhere putting me off. Im going to go buy a solo or something.

June 23, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #40

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 23 June 2010 02:00
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: FW: Warning- Cover Head

it’s taking longer and longer to open your own files with all the bullshit Windows Live keeps adding or changing, Fark I’M AN AGED DRIBBLING OLD FART WHO HAS ENOUGH TRouble remembering his own name, let alone all the bullshit about keeping things away from the puiblic eye. I couldn’t give  a monkeys who is stupid enough to read something typed by somebody rhey have never met, nor likely to. luv yer DadXXXX Hope your’e keeping her on the straight and narrow, Hobes? For those who who should not be reading this, Hobes is her cat. And Her is my daughter, you nosey sod.

May 9, 2010

PRETTY AWEFUL

Just left Mum’s.

As I was leaving, Dad came round the corner in his wheelchair like a long lost cowboy getting pushed by one of his carers crying. It was awful. So I was crying. Then my Aunt decided it was the right time to take my photo. Awful. And I wanted to hug Mum and not cry cause we had a pretty awful time except for a newly discovered common bond over The Sheild. And my sister and I had no time at all. She had told Mum she doesn’t really like me, Mum told me, I sent my sister a text telling her I heard what she said but I would rather hear it from her than Mum. She replied with the one word that my ex used to use that shattered me in the same way.

‘Awesome. ‘

And then I didn’t hear from her for the rest of the trip, not even to say good bye.

April 9, 2010

NEWS FROM THE MUTTS


Memories of Ice and Fire on A Journey Round My Skull.

Just to tell you Mutts has had her operation and she is fine, although pissing quite a lot. Then Mutts and I went on to talk about the old lady who had our house before us. My sister believes she died in the house and is terrified alone there at night. Of course the story is all wrong and the woman died in a home as I learnt from Ma today. ALTHOUGH I can tell you that other people visiting our house have seen things late at night. My exhusband saw an old woman at the end of his bed. He was so convinced it was real he thought it could only be Muttsie dressed up in an old sheet who appeared. But then he blinked and she was gone. Tasmania is very very dark at night. You can see stars for infinity. I think sleepy eyes in the pitch black will make out any shape they can.

Another thing to tell you that makes me happy is when my alarm goes off in the morning, Hobart races down to my bed to alert me to the fact it’s time to get up. She sits there waiting until I turn it off. Whether I am by the alarm ringing or not, she definitely is.

P.S. Not looking forward to work today. Big accounts day.

April 8, 2010

PHOTOFACE [TM]

Mrs Kipling just reminded me of something I had forgotten about!


The Original John Davidson that none of us know


The John Davidson with his own Fan club


Yours truly

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #33

YER FOLKS SNAIL MAIL!

The John Davidson Fan Club

Super thrilled to come back from Berlin to find a letter from The GA in the mail. Here he is in 1971 the year before I was born [about 43-44 years old] with his two best friends at the time, Sally the dog and Hypolate the cat. Apparently the cat would run down the hall when Dad came home from work, run up Dad’s suit and sit on his shoulder like a parrot. Obviously until it was time to sit on Sally’s belly while Dad chilled in a chair. I remember that top Dad has on in the picture. He still had it when I was a teenager. That kind of fabric that just goes on going on.

The John Davidson Fan Club

Included was a card to Feral – aka Hobart the cat. I didn’t read it properly at first, so didn’t pass on the info correctly to The Cardinal last night at El Parador [check lektrotour.workpress.com for food pics] but for those of you who need translation the card says:

FERAL
Just to prove I once had hair.

EMMA
Just in case youv  forgot!!

I wonder where he got the stickers from? There is a glittery cherry on the inside as well.

VOMIT SHIT BUG

I don’t have it but I got the day off today. I will be working remotely on the end of year accounts. Last night I had a rainy strange dream that I was back working at Katharine Hamnett with the lawyer wearing a ginger wig, the PA, the rest of the staff all mixed in back to when I was also the visual merchandiser at Urban Outfitters when the first store opened here on Kensington High Street. I will put the crazy dreams down to eating too much with the Cardinal at El Parador – the Portuguese restaurant in Mornington Crescent I am eternally grateful to Mrs Kipling for introducing it to me [and the rest of the Lady Gang.] We had a roast beetroot, raddiccio and pinenut dish I am craving right now!

Mutts is having a hysterectomy today and my sister and I are discussing gross out facts like pads in the vagina to stop it from growing over after the op, her cat Harley stealing chicken right out of my niece Chloe’s mouth, telling the kids I ate brain and the look of horror on their faces, Dad will live to 100 and will definitely keep lying until his final moment as to how he has fallen out of his chair [third time today in as many weeks - just waiting for the other hip to snap...], reminiscing about Cherry Choc Wedges at the Royal Hobart Hospital kiosk and their demise, eating tongue or tripe in Scotland. It was a nice sisterly moment that doesn’t always happen between us.

I am counting down the days until I see my fambles again – on the 24th I will be touching down at Hobart International Airport. I’m not joking. It really is a slightly fancy giant corrugated iron shed.

March 15, 2010

A REFLECTION


Dad by me


Me by Dad

This was when I was 20 and Dad was about 67.

I am really looking forward to going home and seeing him. Apparently he fell over again the other day cause he was trying to get from his arm chair to his bed on his own and his sock slipped on the floor. But, there is already drama before I get there because my sister can’t find the time to come to Hobart to visit while I am there with the kids and has ‘told’ mum that Mum and I will have to get the bus that takes a couple of hours up to Devonport instead. Part of the reason why I am going is because Mum is having a hysterectomy. Oh well. After flying 24 hours at great expense to see Mum and Dad within 4 months of the last trip what difference is a bus trip across the state gonna make? It isn’t like I might want to rest and do nothing for a change is it… And I mean, Mum might just want to be on the sofa for a while…

November 29, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB UPDATE


Non Heart Attack Celebration Cupcakes, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

Hi Folks,

I have just been baking some red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing and Medici chocolate hearts on top in celebration that my Dad seems okay after the heart attack he gave me by having a little heart attack. I got a rather jolly text from the old prick last night:

“Mite be too early, but stil abord, afta me slight heart attacck. i’m still kickimg 4 march, but not too vigourotsly. Fark busted hips ‘hurt. very much. Tell hoby i lov her and you. Thanks for the double bungd text. Luv from yer old dad, and hnby.”

xx Lektrogirl

July 13, 2008

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #9

I think it is number 8 or maybe 9 – either way it doesn’t really matter.

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX.com]
Sent: 13 July 2008 05:44
To: Emma Davidson XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX.com
Subject: appropos of s.f.a.Except yer a lousy shite who doesn;t email her dad when she shouiod remember she can’t text me and tell me she is stil in the land of tge almost living

Dunno woss happened here. I started typing but the faggot continued in the re: line, May e I forgot to shuft te curser. F.K?
How aew hings going?.- over the shock yet? Any signs of the culprit? The theiving plonker? Male or Female? Don’t suppose you had time to notice. Bad cess on thebastard.
Any luck with a job? Do not actually know what is implied but the abjuration of ‘bad cess? Probably means somebody will pour a bucket of shite on him. Because A ‘cess was a pit into which theworking class emptied their bowels.Cheers. E’maile me or did he take your fingers too? yer pa.XXXX

And for an added bonus, here is a little something from my nephew Sam!

From: Sam
Sent: 13 July 2008 04:58
To: Emma Davidson
Subject:

hi auntie emma i hope you are having a good time in england i miss you emma i really love you emma i will always love you i will never ever not love you. i am going to a new school in devonport i will be nice to you next time you come down here for a holiday in australia. it was my daddy’s birthday the other day and it was coutney’s party as well daddy turned 34 and coutney turned 7. on wednesday it will be auntie rae’s birthday auntie rae is turning 36 uncle mark turned 28. tom is going crazy so am i so is chloe it’s winter down here today it’s sunny on monday i am going to the dentist and i don’t have to go to school i can go swimming from sam

xx Lektrogirl

May 22, 2008

BICTH AZZ DARIUS

Courtesty of the MAD DECENT blog [maddecent.com] here is an AMAZING new mix by Bitch Ass Darius. It is INCREDIBLE.

Bitch Ass Darius – Do It 2 It Promo Mix

Bitch Ass Darius – We Can Jack

But then I am incredibly biased.

xx Lektrogirl

March 6, 2008

I’VE LOST MY FAMILY

Not wanting to sound too grim about it, but Mutts and I were discussing the things I wanted from the house when both of my parents ‘go to the other side’. I can’t really remember what I said now other than some old crockery – in particular the jug with the handles stapled back together in the wartime days when there was no glue. I was going to make a really awful joke then about prisoners of war then but thought better of it. After getting banned from Venom’s blog for real [tho' he tried to reinstate me and said he couldn't work out how... a likely story...] I’m trying to be good – honest Gov’. Anyway so – when the G.A. moved into the old man’s home, most of the chutch went up to the Auction Mart to pay for the credit card bills Mutts discovered so it is kind of slim pickings but there is still some good stuff there – like the matching jug to my polka dot teapot.

GOD! WTF am I on about…

So, I went looking tonight to find pictures I had taken of my family in college years. I have loads of old prints that I developed myself in the top of the linen closet [no I don't have a boiler in there in case you were shitting yourself about the paper] but I knew I had rescanned them at some point. Ergh – I couldn’t find them anywhere in my GIGABYTES of random online storage space, but I did find these online. They are pictures of my distant relatives on my Mutt’s side from a really cool old family album that I have dibsy bags on before my sister I hope.


This guy always reminds me of Squarepusher. Do you see it?


The one on the right looks like a man in drag.


What is up with those devil’s knot tie side buns on that lady?


SPANIEL HAIR-DO


I have always felt a resonance with Misery Guts here with the dog.


Dude on the left looks stuffed.

If you can make out what some of the scratchy spider writing says it is quite funny. It is a shame I resized the scans cause the book is much larger in real life. Oh well I’m always a fucking idiot somewhere along the way. And if I’ve actually got ahead in life for a few days some asshole always comes along to put me right back in my place.

You know who you are.

xx Lektrogirl

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