Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

June 29, 2010


How was your weekend? I was on a fabulous exclusive weekend retreat holiday to which none of you were invited, while you were all sweating away wishing you were me. Don’t give up on life yet, because I have something SUPER SPECIAL!! From the deepest Nantes on Ghetto Street follow me into the private kitchen of Chef Pascal LeBrain who presents a very special summer holiday recipe for you all to try at home.


A very glamorous and sophisticated dish.”


  • FRESH salmon – best if you buy this with Eva at the fish market fresh that morning and ride a bike to get it and get some flowers afterwards.
  • 2 lemons, juiced
  • 2 limes, juiced
  • dill, chopped
  • olive oil
  • salt
  • pepper

1. Get a 2 inchish deep dish with a flat bottom CERAMIC OR GLASS not metal and cover the bottom of it with oil, a quarter of the lemon juice, a sprinkle of dill and seasoning.

2. Cut the salmon into the thinnest slices as you can possibly imagine. Unfortunately, we were too busy talking to remember about the grain of the fish straight away. We did work on that shortly after this exclusive video was shot.

3. Make a layer of fish in the prepared dish. Don’t overlap the fish too much.

4. Cover the fish in a little more oil, lemon or lime juice, a sprinkling of dill and seasoning.

5. Cut another gang of fine fish slices in the opposite direction to how Pascal does it in the video – cut towards the tail – and layer it in the dish.

6. Repeat step 4 and 5 until you run out of fish to cut.

7. Leave for a few hours covered in the fridge.

8. Have a little  amuse bouche made by Eva as a special treat that turns out to be BOUDIN [blood sausage] and banana and have a huge conversation about the first time you got your period, how your mother humiliated you with [lack of] sex education, buying a bra, having sex with your period etc.

9. Drink home made Caipirinhas in the meantime and get pretty drunk. Dancing around the kitchen in your underpants is not a bad idea either.

10. Get the fish out of the fridge and serve with real French bread.

11. Drink a lot more homemade cocktails

12. End up in the garden in the middle of the night rolling around on the grass and/or singing “Oh L’amour” while dancing having the best time ever.

13. Then do some spiritual garden worshipping after midnight in an amazing dress.

14. Ensure you drink enough to feel really ill the next day when you get woken up at 7am to kiss goodbye a little human on their way to school and when you finally get to IKEA realise you need to have a long sit down and a cheeseburger from Mc Donald’s and  coke wander absent mindedly into the supermarket and buy a kilo of sugar in large grains for making chouquettes, two giant jars of speculoos paste and a tin of white tuna for your cat. Or the equivalent.

And there you have it! Another simple and amazing recipe that you will love – except if you are Mrs Kipling who probably didn’t even make it to the end of this post as she heaves.





From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 29 June 2010 05:01
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: back from nantes

Hi 2 u. I bin to Nntes – quite a long time ago, went with some (well, all of her ecept her farkin brains. Why would she be with me? She could parlez France. She was a school teacher, all of whom are quite queer. Still she was honest. I could rely on her leaving some FRANCS IN THE HAT WHILE (fark caps lock) blew my bollocks off playin La Compasita along the boulevardes. Yeah being young wasn’t all bad. Gtting them preggars was the curse!sounds likeyou had a good time . Good on you. You only have one shot at living kiddo. MY REGARD TO MISS fERRET, who looks after her when you scarper into the wilds of Europe. How’d you like YOURcountry being ruled by a Welshe woman from Barry – near Cardiff? She’s a lot brighter thabn the predecessor, Kevin Rudd. God love us. He blondes his hair. Still not hitting it off with your sister.. Not him you dick. ME Don’t think I’ll ever be on good terms with her. Bollox, anyhow. CHEERS to my 2 Friends. Meeow ya hairy bastardXXXXXX Luv ex yer Dad

June 10, 2010


From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 08 June 2010 04:47
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: More food from paris

yeah. But the frog/snail eating poofs DO eat well. What were the two black thing looking like beetroots after the strawbs and rasps?Mind you I certainly rember being put offg frog shiels who smoked ‘Gooloise’ Dark black pubic hair by the looks of it
What deal did you strike with yer ma about the Science Magazine. ? She’s back from Sydney but living with her Sister. Piotto.. It’s a lonely job getting through one’s dying days. It’s called the way of life! Fark.
How’s the Spanish furball, Ferret?Cheers mate. Paris always reminds me of playing my Harmonica up on the CAFES OVERLOOKING THE sIENNE, and collecting ten franc note. Then sleeping on thei paving stones under the Pont Du Nord. Cold and farkin hard. BUT I was young then- abot thirty years I think. Even out in the bush the villages were great. Cheers again you pair of Londo livers. Luv yer Dad, No OTHER BASTARD DOES,xxxxxx

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 10 June 2010 04:26
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: More food from paris

If you had to eat the shite they serve up here, you wouldn’t torture a poor AGED man with such delicious food from Pae=ris. even if they do smell a bit!. luv yer pa and the ferret.

February 9, 2010


a.k.a. My Love Affair With the Macaron

So how many people have I told the same story to over and over


I was talking to Mum on the phone this morning asking her “What other kind of cake is hard and a bit fiddly that you have to practice loads to get perfect and even go to a class?” and she said “Profiteroles?” I told her I already made those and they were easy. Maybe not perfect, but successful enough on the first go to not feel challenged. Sponge cake – I have totally cracked it. I have struggled with cannellés and clafoutis – maybe that is the kind of thing – but nothing like a macaron. If you serve a macaron, people are amazed and always say “HOW DO YOU DO THIS? Is there a mould? Do you drop it into something hot? How do you get it so smooth?” etc etc etc. Anyway I have no clue as to what I will learn in Paris but I am getting HELLISHLY excited. And I feel a bit sick/nervous about it. The confirmation letter even tells you what you have to wear in the kitchen.

So – with this level of thrill in mind let me tell you first of all about Mrs K MEETING PIERRE HERME at the new Selfies consession where she had to photograph him for work. I had about 5 missed calls from her that day as she attempted to tell me “MOVE YOUR ASS HERE IMMEDIATELY” and as I said in my previous post about it [and apparently MISQUOTED and then got berated for it afterwards and I told her "Okay woah like fine but I will just blow it up all over the blog about how you yelled at me LOL brb gtg my nbff just logged on bye".

Oh Buddah where was I? Oh - about to eat this gift of personally selected macarons by Mrs K from Pierre Hermés own hand.

Here are a few views of the macarons at The Cardinals house. Please note the china. Also in bottom photo bottom left please note the sliver of marmite toast available for palate cleansing.

You may remember if you even care, these were the ones I had in Paris when I was there last from Pierre Hermé shortly after getting silly stringed by three pre teens on a skateboard outside the the Pierre and Marie Curé University mineral and gem museum.

So The Cardinal and I were in a gifted position to be able to truly assess the macarons in the privacy of her living room in front of an open fire, sipping Earl Grey Tea from china cups and a variety of cutlery to best perform the operations of peeling apart the layers.

Not the first time I have done this. Remember Nantes?

Sorry lost in a K-HOLE of macaron reminiscing and checking on the Danish cabbage in the kitchen.

Back to Pierre Hermé. There seems to be a whole divide between Pierre Hermé vs Ladurée and who's is better and whatever. I am going to say that on the whole, I prefer Ladurée. I like to know that what is labelled as Rose is going to taste like Rose. Admittedly I do admire the adventure of P.H.'s "collections" but I think the ratio there is too much filling to macaron and I am not a big fan of chocolate & fruit together at the best of times. I think they are both marvellous though. The only macarons I ever that that were awful were the ones in Nantes - the really tasted like lipstick, shampoo and shower gel.

With all this preamble, lets get ourselves to Sunday afternoon when I had a tea at The Crib with a selection of O.G.'s in attendance: Covvo, Alex T [the sub editor], Ella, Fi and the Cardinal. Hobart was also there but her presence was only felt when she scratched the Cardinal and singed her whiskers on a candle. For my guests I presented my take on cream cheese & radish and egg mayonaisse & quails egg sandwiches. Followed by a selection of macarons made in my own exclusive kitchen and two cakes. Oh and Champagne and tea.

These were Bailey’s and Hazelnut. Total fail in my opinion but Alex T was more than happy to take the ones we didn’t eat home with him at the end.

These were Campari and Blood orange on the left and Lavender on the right. Both lovely.

These were Basil, Pinenut & Honey with Lime. They totally cleaned up. Unfortunately they are a visual fail – see the brown bit? Slightly over done but did not affect taste.

The success of these makes me feel a bit less nervous about the class in Paris. I have to say, I had a very jolly afternoon after heinous weeks at work. The cookbook was planned. I will even be doing a chapter on Chinese food. It will be one page long.

“Don’t fuck with it and leave it to the Chinese.”

Although since then, I have been thinking about macaron recipes on that theme.

My lunch is ready now – braised fennel and Danish cabbage. I’m going to go eat it. You can be rest assured that I will be reporting back in detail from Paris all about how I go. PLUS I have been in touch with Goon already to discuss the restaurants we will be visiting! YERRRRRR.

xx Lektrogirl

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