Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

June 3, 2009

APRÉS FISH FINGER SANDWICH

I had dinner with my friend who likes to ride a white saddle. I had such a wonderful and lovely time with him. He might be a guy and inflicted with all the failings that such comes with such a genetic fault from birth, otherwise he is a pretty top person. Another human I will add to my “I’m such a lucky person” list.

Got some great gossip: a mutual friend said he thinks I am a babe. Feeling is mutual!

NICE.

xx Lektrogirl

April 18, 2009

THE LADYGANG

I love us.

xx Lektrogirl

April 15, 2009

2:30 FOR T-PAIN

Directly from the States across the Atlantic and into my telephone ear:

All work on the production of T-Pain’s latest album artwork has ceased due to a golf buggy accident which resulted in his two front teeth being knocked across the course and T-Pain’s subsequent refusal to participate in any plans until he has had his appointment at the Chinese dentist.

xx Lektrogirl

January 31, 2009

I LOVE TO GOSSIP

Cold, bored, trying to keep myself busy with cooking, I stopped gossiping because I heard it was a bad thing to do. But I still kept hearing the gossip about who was banging who cause their flat mate overheard it and spread it around, and who was finally getting sex at last, who got cornered and got earful all about how horrid I am and who was pricking who out etc. I also stopped talking to much to my ex husband who was always great with the juice – but his source dried up when he stopped talking to someone else over too much gossip and bitch talk… LOL. So – the world goes on it seems as hypocritical as ever which is fine by me cause now I have less of a guilty conscience. But fuck I’m bored.

I wasn’t on Thursday when I met Antoinette for lunch at Leila’s Shop in East London. She sent me a great diss text while she was waiting for me that read “Did I just see you walk past with a pink bag and bottle of water.” LOL. Pink bag & bottle of water? I might as well have had a yoga mat as well.

No way.

But she did see me eat some eggs straight from the pan and some beetroot and horseradish and drink three coffees.

AND WE HAD A GREAT GOSSIP.

xx Lektrogirl

October 13, 2008

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #19

Two mails in my inbox this morning – from different people of course.

——————————————————————————–
From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 13 October 2008 02:10
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: yer feet hurt?

Thanx 4 the email. Doesn’t Telstra shorthand give u the shites? Thnx my arse! I just love the telstra system. A man writes something peurile, infamously rude, belittlibg to say the least and the farkin mobile says, “message could not be sent!” that really pisses me orf. How come your feet hurt sitting down all day? Like me I imagine the bones of yer arse would be the aching points? It certainly is with ,e. I think they make wheelchair bases especially hard to remind the ‘wheelchair inhabitants’ that they are not thei for comfort but transport. Th e bastards.
Just printed a note from Htmail about changing my ‘password’ to prevent ’scams. I might change mine to ‘mother’s milk’ which shoukd be good 4 a sucker like me. The only thing is, will I remember which boob i’m sucking on? As a good friend of mine is wont to interject-Haha ha ha. But Ithink she uses capital letters? My Haha looks different.
Just organising a bit of spring planting, salad shite mostly, garlic, spinach, rocket lettuce etc, I’d like to propogate a few persimmon trees. Beautiful fruit. Trees are worth 40 bucks each, There are 2 in my bit of garden, but I think propogation is besat in Autumn?
See you later shags, all the best ex yer DadXXXX,

And:
——————————————————————————–
well, i tried, you know.

he was, like i said, not very good in bed, but fun. we were at my place with two other of his friends. and yeah well, it was fun. Thick…. thick !!! i’m telling you !!

Each mail is as good as each other.

xx Lektrogirl

May 30, 2008

R KELLY UPDATE

From Chicago Tribune Online:

May 29, 2008 3:01 PM: Tale of the tape: Video expert testifies

If you ever wanted proof that forensic investigative techniques are just not as interesting as they appear on TV dramas, this last witness is your guy.

George Skaluba, a video analyst with the forensic unit of the FBI, spent the better part of an hour and a half Thursday discussing the various ways that videotapes are produced, reproduced, analyzed, morphed, doctored and damaged.

We call it the “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Videotapes Plus An Hour More” testimony.

He used more technical terms than helpful in a blog, and ultimately concluded the following:

1) The tape is not an original, and he doesn’t know what generation tape it is.

2) The more you copy a tape, the more the quality and clarity of the video deteriorates.

3) It was not a good-quality tape.

4) The copy he reviewed didn’t appear to be altered, but the original may have been.

5) To morph the faces and images in the 27-minute video (think “Little Man”) was possible, but it would take “years” and would be “very, very difficult because of the length” of the tape. On top of that, he said, it would likely be easily identifiable.

Azam Ahmed

May 28, 2008

THE LAZY TONGUES

Or not so lazy I should say.

My life isn’t that interesting, really. Really?!

xx Lektrogirl

January 2, 2008

FRIEND FOR LIFE


Jo M might joke over The Denzel and Wesley Snipes and his Private Party to which I’m cordially invited but R Kelly is always going to be my number one guy. He has a song for all seasons. I certainly have a friend in R Kelly.

So, I had a friend who was asked to test Posh Spices Vegan Diet for Closer Magazine. She has to have before and after pictures and you know what they told her? They said she had to come in for the before picture as fat as possible. Like to bulk up. So wrong. I never read those stupid diet things anyway.

And here I am back in London yesterday unpacking my bag.

Still exxxplosive. LOL.

Tonight I’m feeling a bit let explosive fucked up with jet lag but I have had some amazing chats with people online and catching up on all the gossip. Apparently a certain IDM Fanta Pants [I guess though you would call him Tango Pants here] has been bored at home posting shit on loads of peoples blogs and stirring up shit for everyone. I mean – what is going on here people?! Him and my personal hater – both cunts.

Oh speaking of four letter words and the like – the Restaurant Adviser on Facebook wouldnt let me use the word “cum”. I was using it writing a sentence with an Australian accent… I had to spell it properly. I thought that was a bit cheap of them.


Here is the last picture from my Tasmania holiday before I got on the plane.

xx Lektrogirl

September 20, 2007

HAHAH AHAHHAHA HAHA!!!

I was talking to the hottest photographer I know today and was telling him that Nameless has a new girlfriend. At first he didn’t believe me and he was saying “What that one that dances with her boyfriend identically – that you see them bobbing their heads identically??! Like exactly the same?” And when he finally realised I wasn’t joking, he wooped out “Ohhhh FUCK BRAINS MAN!! He’s going bald anyway!!!!!”

I laughed til I nearly choked.

Thanks photographer friend. You really really made my day.

xx Lektrogirl

August 8, 2007

GOOD TIMES

Once upon a time, Paul and I used to spend time talking about music, art and holidays. Now it is a different story…

22:37:12: The girls ive imed are u, XXCENSOREDXX and lauren viera
22:37:23: XXCENSOREDXX
22:37:24: WTF
22:37:26: HAHAHA
22:37:29: dick rash city
22:37:46: DDDIIIICCCKKKK RASSSSHHHHH
22:37:54: im sure she has a cunt like a grater
22:38:00: i feel sorry for XXCENSOREDXX

22:38:01: I used 3 condoms
22:38:18: It was to make my dick look bigger tho
22:38:24: yeah – you put one on but had to stuff it with another two to stop it from falling off
22:38:34: But i didnt catch anything!
22:38:38: yeah you did
22:38:44: you caught herpes from tounging her
22:39:06: the scabs round your mouth were so bad they went up your nose

22:39:19: No i got hepatitis from slashing up her face…blood spatter
22:39:29: i thought you hated her
22:39:35: what are you talking to her for

22:40:21: Googletalk dummy…anyone who ever emails is automatically added to yr googletalk friends
22:40:35: Nimbuzz does googletalk
22:40:45: well when did she
email
22:41:01: as i said = what are you takling to her for
22:41:06: you didnt answer the question

XXCENSOREDXX

22:42:49: well – it kind of makes sense. she is short, scraggy hair and a bit cross eyed. she looks just like your type
22:43:00: and a total slut

22:43:07: She obviously wants 2 have sex with me, thats why she askeds me about it
22:43:11: i wonder if XXCENSOREDXX made her hallucinate
22:43:32: What so shed find me attractive?
22:43:42: yeh – im surprised you havent gone around telling me you think she is flirting with you already
22:43:47: cause she sent you some random email

22:44:27: I wouldnt do that
22:44:31: why?
22:45:47: If an email is random thats all it is, yeah? Yr suggesting i make something out of nothing for some other reason
22:46:13: ive been thinking – i should just be proud of the work i have done with you.
22:46:41: i mean – you came here smelling, with a sock on your arm, in weird american clothes your mother bought, and nasty hair.
22:46:53: now you look amazing. and you know about presenting yourself
22:46:58: no wonder girls like you
22:47:09: it is just a shame so far it is just those whorey runts
22:47:32: XXCENSOREDXX is a midget, not a runt
22:47:43: so was XXCENSOREDXX
22:47:54: and so was her stupid tape assed dog
22:49:01: Er…..so?
22:49:27: what is it with you and small girls? is it cause you have issues with your sexuality?
22:49:30: Whats wrong with a matching midget and midget dog?
22:50:05: you put your dick in one of them. only they were both so ugly you could never be sure which was which.
22:50:14: probably it was the dog that gave better head
22:50:21: with an asshole that was less hairy
22:50:38: Shit i forgot about that
22:50:47: Thx for reminding me
22:50:56: reminding you about what?
22:51:11: That bridgette had a hairy asshole
22:51:24: HAHAHAHAHAHA you never told me that
22:51:27: HAHAHAHAHA
22:51:28: HAHAHAHA
22:51:30: oh man
22:51:47: i guess you never knew if she was standing on her hands or her feet then cause she so ugly

22:51:48: Hahaha!
22:51:52: cause you cant smell.
22:52:02: her breath would have been the only giveaway
22:52:09: I can taste tho remember!

22:52:20: im sure her mouth tasted like shit too
22:52:52: i know how much you love to kiss ass though – particularly when you think you are going to get a show or exhibition out of it
22:53:24: Yeah but asshole tasted of lice medicine, that was the giveaway
22:53:39: what?
22:54:07: Her asshole, even
22:54:18: what?
22:54:50: I was making a joke that she had lice but only on her anus hair
22:55:04: oh – too obscure. i out joked you. a point to me

22:55:39: Sure have a point if that makes u feel better

Sadly that point did make me feel a whole lot better. I wish I could tell you who XXCENSOREDXX is but my life wouldn’t be worth living if I did.

I did have a nicer conversation with Paul earlier when he was telling me all about Lynden in the HOUSE OF WINGS was talking about. He was saying that Lynden was complaining about all some West Indian coming in bitching cause he doesn’t serve rice and peas. And getting all dark saying “Well what kind of restaurant is this?” And Lynden saying “Barbeque” And the peep saying “But you’re from Trinidad. So where are the rice and peas?” And then Lynden was telling Paul “You’d never get a white person in here complaining.” So Paul was acting like he was from the American South asking for rice and peas and Lynden was ROTFLOL.

For those of you who haven’t seen it already here are the “sticky smokey bbq” + “it bunnin meh” 8 piece meal boxes, one with macaroni pie and bombay rice, the other with pie and slaw. 6 quid each.

Sad news on the grime scene today – you read it here first before this vital information ends up in VICE Magazine GRIMEWATCH – 2 top North London MC’s went round to see Brains to talk music. Sadly, HOUSE OF WINGS had a burst water pipe and was closed for business. All went home hungry. Boohoo. There might be a shanking.


xx Lektrogirl

June 4, 2007

On the D.L.

It seems I have got to keep my blog on the down low for a while. Feathers are getting ruffled and I’m getting MySpace bombs every day. Bruv – it is tough on the world wide web these days. You get me? My advice to everyone who jumps to the conclusion every time they see a XXCENSOREDXX and think’s it’s them is “Don’t get sad”. I know more than 5 people and chances are I could be talking about someone else.

I’m feeling a bit reflective today after arriving at work an hour late. Total gridlock on Seven Sisters Road cause of the busted up pipes and flooding. A bruv can’t even get to work and make an honest dollar these dayz. I didn’t actually roll out of bed til I was meant to be at my desk today. A bruv had a lot on a bruv’s mind. Well a bit less on my mind that I have done for the preceding three nights. I woke up with an empty head – no dreams at all – which is a relief after having pornographic dreams three nights in a row about a certain “Shorditch DJ” that left me emotionally confused, a little bit disgusted, and most of all – totally horny.

And HELLO? What happened to the sun today?

xx Lektrogirl

May 24, 2007

Hot Gossip

May 23, 2007

Coincidence

Ever since Dog Face [WHO LET THE DOGS OUT] ran off to Australia with her new boyfriend who looked like he had been bashed in the head with a frying pan, there have been no more stinky juice shits splashed down the back of the disabled toilet at work. Coincidence?!

xx Lektrogirl

May 16, 2007

AMAZING fashion – my true obsession

I saw Max today busting some serious next level steelo. Normally he will pump for Yacht Rock sometimes he will throw in a bit of LA Milk Fed kind of vibe, occasionally he has been know to show out in some S.A.G. Stone Island BUT TODAY Max totally threw it in your face to look at him in “Italian Tourist”. Total booyah!! TOTAL booyah! I love men’s fashion. The best think about my ex-husband was he didn’t mind me taking him shopping. The day we were in the Rykiel Homme shop in Paris and he decided to try on the pink check wool pants of his own accord I was so proud.

Max wore a dark Barbour jacket, a wedgewood blue shirt with white stripes made from linen with white collar and cuffs, narrow jeans and I think they were his Tod’s driving shoes. AWESOME.

A conversation ensued with James, Max, Pippa, David and I about the outfit. I pointed out that the jeans should be ankle freezer length for true authenticity. James said he though Max should be wearing pastels socks. There was something really bugging me about that all evening until I got home. In a perfect world Max would have been wearing thickish white socks scrunched down with the shorter jean. I have to say Max is the most amazingly dressed man I know because he always looks Jazzy Bindi but never looks G-A-Y.

Also overheard some hilarious news – the ex-husband of princess of fancy ladies footwear XXCENSOREDXX, who allegedly spied on her using a trojan virus to read her emails – was apparently caught redhanded trying to steal some of the old neon lighting from the Raymond Review Bar the other day in the Raymond Review Bar alley way. While XXCENSOREDXX was trying to get the lights off the roof with ropes, he was spotted by a local resident. Then arrived three police men, the landlord’s agent… T-R-O-U-B-L-E!

The other thing that cracked me up again today was remembering what Pete Burns [from Dead or Alive] said when he heard Pippa was pregnant with twins. After watching him in the Big Brother house I can picture it perfectly. Apparently he said Pippa would “have a c*** like a bucket” after giving birth. Pippa chirped with laughter again too when I said it. I like Pippa. She has a great laugh.

Finally – before I go to bed, apparently ASBO and I are no longer fighting. For the record he has not apologised. But more matters of convenience we have decided to not actively hate on each other. He thinks I’m weird for writing about him all the time on my blog. I am a little bit obsessed with him. I think he is weird cause he tells me to stay away from him, but he wouldn’t know what I was doing unless he came looking.

xx Lektrogirl

April 15, 2007

Big Heads


[left to right: Prancehall, Kyke Turner and DJ Brains]

**NB original picture edited by request. 07.08.2007

Question:
Which one of the guys above has the biggest head?

Answer:
Apparently PRANCEHALL has a massive barnet!!

I would have thought it was going to be Kyke Turner with a face like his. I already know that Brains has an unusually small head – a bit like one of those little spider monkies – [I call him 'Melted Candle Head' on the sly. But then I have also called him 'Saucepan Handle' too.] But no it’s not ASBO Daniel Kyke Turner. After comparing baseball cap sizes, Brains can tell me with some authority that Prancehall’s New Era cap size is off the scale!!!

Well I hope you are all as glued to that fact from Shoreditch as I was.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. FYI my New Era size is seven and a half.

OHHHH WHICH REMINDS ME:
Someone with a big mouth told Brains that XXCENSOREDXX has been sleeping with two girls lately but that he doesn’t like either of them. Well one of them is ROUGH – she has a head like a broomstick – so who knows what XXCENSOREDXX was banging this female party promoter in the first place. The other girl is very cute. So go figure.


There is no love lost between me and Kyke Turner. The last straw came when Daniel sent a text to Brains calling me a c*** – which as Brains wife at the time this happened, of course I’m gonna be sitting right next to him to see the text arrive. Apparently Daniel claims he has apologised to me. But the only conversation I have had with Daniel is via text where he also called me a dickhead and then “I could really like you if you weren’t so prickly” and I saw him at Chalk and he came up to talk to me so I just threw him some air pie.

So while on the subject of being prickly: The thing I really don’t like about XXCENSOREDXX is that his mouth has always reminded me of the way a dog’s vagina looks when the bitch is in heat – all puffy and squishy like that.

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