Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

September 7, 2009

MEAN GIRL

You are possibly the most hideous person I have had the misfortune of knowing and I knew right from the second I met you that you were vile.

Speaking of other mean girls, after trying to walk the kitten on a lead [that is to say get the collar on her and drag her on her side to the back door with it] Hobart has decided payback comes in the form of clawing my new rug which I just rolled out about 15 minutes ago. All the bushels of wool that she is digging up she chews up. My payback will be laughing when she coughs up a fur ball. Then her payback will be my broken heart as I sit and watch her all stressed and worried that I have to call the Pet Ambulance. And when she is okay again I will feed her some THRIVE freeze dried shrimps.

I had a funny evening this evening with Mr 40something who had obviously had a very boozy lunch and was telling me how life was so horrible and depressing and stressful. He also said that I did nothing but take the piss out of him. But that I was also the person who was the most polite and respectful to him as well. [Aussie humour.] Then he asked me if I wanted a glass of wine. Worried he might have a sex den in his basement I said that he was welcome to bring the wine upstairs. He said he would be 5 minutes. After 35 I finished what I was doing and went home. Poor fella. He had splits in the crotch of his pants where they had worn through.

Oh – and Lady Gang alert – I’m double dog baby sitting with Mrs Kipling on Saturday night at the most luxurious flat in town. Anyone else want to come and watch the Nollywood channel and polish of a few bottles of something? The Booyah Cook may or may not make an appearance. Depends how much we want Pizza instead.

xx Lektrogirl

May 23, 2009

BLAH BLAH

I have been in batten down the hatches meltdown mode this week and throwing myself into my work and totally switching off when I get home. Which made it so amazing to see the Lady Gang last night Philippa’s house for the dinner get together we do every so often. I did not take any pictures – came straight from work and had left my camera at home charging. Madame was there in one of Grandfather Lady’s old rubber skirts cut off to secretary length, The Cardinal had on a stunning black dress that was so ladylike she couldn’t reach up to get the canelle tin out of the cupboard, Mrs Kipling is undergoing a skin transformation – she was GLOWING and Mrs G was wearing RIPPED JEANS with the best vintage polka dot scarf from here to eternity. So amazing. Bette was also there and she was being super cute trying to avoid everyone. The drink of choice – Aperol & Prosecco / Cava whatever was opened. CHEESECAKE for dessert [The Cardinal's is legendary you know.]

Today I woke up at 1.30 wishing for some more Vietnamese Salad that Cards had prepared next to a slice of Spinach quiche. I lay in bed and tried to positively think it into my life but every time I peeked over the covers a side plate had not appeared on the windowsill… So I got up and decided to cook my own quiche with stuff I had in the fridge and freezer.

So it was a bit random – smoked salmon, braised fennel, spring onion and tarragon but at the same time it was a good combination and I was quite pleased with the results for my first ever quiche. Not as good as Philippa’s but not bad for a beginner.

In other news, osl.lameatnames.com is going really well – in fact the visits are blowing up so much so that valeria and I are sharing the hosting of files around three or four different sites trying to scrabble up some space. Oh shit – that reminds me I wanted to tell Pippa something about hosting videos. Brain ache now but I will do it tomorrow or later.

Oh yeah – Pippa and I had to have THAT conversation. The one that had been brewing for a while. We had kind of seen it coming but we never actually said anything to each other about it until last night. VINCENT D’ONOFRIO IS FAT!! I said I would still blow him, but as Pippa said “He has turned into a real man mountain.” Anyone else checked him out in series 8 of Law and Order: Criminal Intent? He always had a lot of screen presence – now he totally hogs the camera! [OJ LOL]

Anyway

I’m gonna go catch some episodes. Meltdown is manageable. Not the best time at the moment, but the Lady Gang is always a wicked treat.

xx Lektrogirl

May 12, 2009

MY FAVOURITE SWF

Well she is white and female but she isn’t single – she’s married to a man who frequently rocks a good look. Which makes her obsession with the pictures of my boyfriends on Flickr even stranger. I have to watch it – as soon as I put a picture of a man I am dating online Caz is there favouriting it up like nobody’s business. ODder still they are usually nudie pics.

If you care to check out Mrs G’s Flickr favourites, please do! She has also favourited lots of other pictures that I sometimes go and favourite after her.

xx Lektrogirl

April 20, 2009

LADIES GUIDE TO DIY

When I do my DIY round the house I always make sure I am wearing a well supporting bra – so of course a tight low cut bra with bows, lace and boning from AP and some comfortable but matching knickers. I think that the base to any outfit is very important – and if it makes you feel good then you will be able to achieve the impossible. A bit like watching Mistress of the Goodvibes Universe videos when she works out in Vivienne Westwood dresses or Mexican wrestling masks. I also have to wear this kind of underwear because my DIY outfit is pretty hardcore – cut off sweats and an old checked shirt from Pasadena. So if I hurt myself and need ambulance care I can keep my dignity. Or if there is someone like the Air Commodore who wants to have fantasies about ladies with tools, [OJ LOL], I would hate to disappoint.

I also like to make sure I have motivational music. I recommend Dr Dre 2000 or Snoop Dogg Tha Last Meal but each to their own [Mrs Kipling... who knows what it could be...]

So it is a bit like this at my house today as I start work on my bedroom which needs serious DIY.

Over the weekend I didn’t have my usual DIY outfit to hand so I just put some shelves up in knickers and a bra cause I didn’t want to ruin my dress. Yes – it seems that it is a common fantasy for men.

We all know that the Cardinal is more refined that me and she has been known to DIY in a cashmere sweater. I know that Caz has been on her hands and knees stripping paint on the floor. Madame I have seen DIYing in flats [Eley Kishimoto sneakers - green flash]. Mrs Kipling has reported to be doing her own painting and tiling – but I have no idea what she would wear.

I have to get on now.

xx Lektrogirl

April 18, 2009

THE LADYGANG

I love us.

xx Lektrogirl

March 3, 2009

NEWS ROUNDUP

Oh Allah where is my time going these days? I have been in CSI K Hole, or more to the point, first series Law and Order Criminal Intent when Vincent D’Onofrio was the most hot. But even when he was a bit bloated I would still do him. I was so pleased to see him in the first episode ever of LAW CI that I had to text Pippa while she was waiting outside Regines to get in! Of course a brief text message about his babeness ensued.

Anyway news round up:

Went out for a drink last night and my mate told me after much prodding from me – she was trying to pretend that I didn’t ask the question about 4 time – that XXCENSOREDXX has a dick that she described as “tubby”. And I guffawed so much that I begged her to let me post it. She said so. And I actually was begging saying “Pleaaaaase!!” Always the lady, she was telling me “No” but like a child I whinged until I got away with being allowed to say this much.

Valeria my Parisian partner in crime arrives on Friday evening. The excitement is almost too much. Particularly as Covvo already got here last Thursday back from Berlin and Mrs V will follow her soon after at in April. THE ORIGINAL LADY GANG WILL BE BACK IN BUSINESS!! As for the present Lady Gang [Mrs Kipling, Mrs Gorman, Madame, The Cardinal etc] I am still waiting for a date for the next dinner party!

Also have been having some good Internet chats with some Internet Porn Artists – a guy called Serigio Messina [more later] and a woman called Barbara DeGenevieve [more later]. Had not such a nice chat with Prancehall who told me to “fuck off and die” for no apparent reason on Throwawayfuck.com – I didn’t even realise I was still on his radar.

Last but not least!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!! I walked past and there he was. I could not believe that HE was outsite sitting with HER!!!!!! Unfathomable. But I will have to work it out in the least stalkerish way possible.

xx Lektrogirl

February 15, 2009

THE BOOYAH COOK: DRINKS / CANAPÉS

Fucking OMG I have just had a total time warp weekend starting on Friday where I feel like months have passed since I was last on planet Earth. I really need to behave like this more often – having dinner parties, not answering the phone, shirking responsibilities, making men dress in Babycham pyjamas etc. But now I am back my beauties with a report and recipes from THE FRIDAY THE 13TH DINNER PARTY.

I am a total leisure slut and would rather spend hours watching CSI than anything else. But, to allude to an air of sophistication about me other than being the main Thug Misses that I am, the first thing I set my mind to for dinner was WHAT TO DRINK? In the last two years, thanks to the indoctrination of the Cardinal I am now a “bubbly fun” convert so top of my list for drinks is always Prosecco or Cava with a little splash of something in the bottom. On Friday 13th I offered either Elderflower Cordial, Lingonberry Cordial, Larks Distillery Apple Liqueur or Clementine juice in a champagne glass filled up with £4.80 Cava from Sainbury’s.

Here you can see Pippa Brooks in self portrait looking as though she is about to give the glass a blow job in a very sexual aura kind of way. Credit to a very fine lady.

Then with the booze as an issue out of the way, the second thing in my mind was: HOW DO I START THIS FEAST? Et voila:

This is actually a salad recipe of The Cardinals that I feel a bit of a cheater ripping off and flipping back at her. Out of respect I can’t tell you the recipe other than it is dairy and chilli. Miam!

And here is the other one that I will tell you the recipe for! It is kind of one of those no quantity recipes and good for free-styling.

Hummus is yesterday’s news so welcome Minty Pea and Pecorino

Ingredients
2 big man handfuls or 3 little lady handfuls of fresh peas
1 handful of fresh mint leaves [of either sized hand depending on how much you like mint]
1 handful of grated Pecorino or Parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon of olive oil
Juice from half a lemon
Salt and Pepper
Crackers [something crunchy]

If you have a hand blender, a food processor or a mortar and pestle moosh the peas and mint together til they become like a chunky paste. You could even in desperation put the peas in plastic bag, hold it closed and hit it with a wooden spoon then turn the bag out into a mixing bowl for the next step. Then mix the rest of the stuff in. Taste it. It should be tangy [lemon and cheese], minty [mint] and fresh [peas]. Twirk it til you like the balance. Then I think actually putting it on the biscuit part doesn’t warrant description. Booyah.

xx Lektrogirl

December 21, 2008

NICE BODY

Last night with the Lady Gang I told them all about my new predilection for old men with cab driver shoes, beaten up hands and dirty minds: poster boy = Charles Bukowski. In the middle of it all Madame became the Karaoke Penis with “I Will Always Love You” [Whitney or Doll - you decide...] where as Cazza thought it should have been “Je Suis Un Rock Star” but Mrs Kipling was thinking more of “The Littlest Hobo” and Allah I can’t tell you what I was thinking about because it would give the whole game away.

BUT today I was walking down the street juggling two vintage dresses from my top secret shop, a variety of Dolfin chocolates and a giant picture frame I found wrapped in bubble plastic and shoved behind the phone line box thing when some squat black guy with the collar of his denim jacket turned up said to me “Mmmmmm Nice Body…” Of course there is no arguing there. Only as it is completely true I am 100% ungrateful and wasn’t pleased at all. The guy was too young and not weird looking enough OR young enough and hot enough. I was more thrilled when the four young kids this morning told me to “Shut Up” when I walked past them all huddled round their big white lady dog who was squatting in the street taking the biggest piss ever. And as the yellow pool of wee got bigger and bigger so did all these boys eyes and they were saying “Man this is gonna be flooding the neighbourhood” I burst out laughing and was told to shut up – so scared lol – on of them said “This is like SO LONG” and I burst out laughing again…

Only two more days til the Christmas break and I really cannot wait. I also cannot wait to get dressed tomorrow in my new blue gross grain party dress. Totally OTT but I am going to Dogtainian’s house for meatballs for dinner maybe so I want to be prepared. ANYWAY TO STATE CONCLUSIVELY THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON.

Okay pricks. Last time I had a date, it was with Young Duke. Now we have a little competition: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE TWO PICTURES.


It’s tough I know but please post your answers in the comments…

October 19, 2007

LADY GANG


Here is my first picture from the Lady Gang Dinner round at Sarah’s house that Pippa cooked and Jasmine, Alex, Bev and I all ate. I don’t know why it is, but whenever I post tights and stocking pictures to my Flickr, the views for these pics TOTALLY BLOW UP. There are always these different Sock and Tight groups wanting me to add my picture to their group etc etc. I’ve checked some of them and I don’t think they are for people with fetishes other than being into socks, tights and stockings but you never know.

I think the green spot on Sarah’s cashmere tights comes from when she and I were falling on the floor together in the kitchen. I can’t really remember the joke now but it involved throwing amaretto biscuits directly into the mouth and Sarah striking a weird pose and talking so I couldn’t understand her.

What I do remember clearly was wiping tears from my eyes asking “What the fuck are you doing?”


Pippa and Alex


Jasmine. Her face says a lot about Sarah’s iPod. German choral music, hymns, the Australian Brandenburg Orchestra and Big Boi. ED DMX used to say I had the worst record collection in the world, but fast forward to the year 2007 and if I had an iPod I now know that isn’t true.


Bev and I
Bev was telling Alex and I about a big photography fair in Paris in November. I’m tempted to go. Any excuse to go to Paris is a good one.

xx Lektrogirl

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