Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

September 28, 2009

LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY

I sat next to a girl dinner last night and she has had sex with a women. I
asked her what it is like to eat a girl out. She told me that after getting
over how gross it is, it is much easier than giving a guy a blow job. She
said that basically with a girl, it is like having a giant smooch for a
while. Where is with a guy it can be be really hard work and become really
mechanical and monotonous. Interesting! Can’t say though that I’m gonna try
it out any time soon. The only pussy I wanna get near is Hobart and her cute
little face.

xx Lektrogirl

September 26, 2009

A LESSON LEARNED

Dick Nose

I sat next to an old friend at a birthday dinner. She used to have a girlfriend but now she is back to having a boyfriend. I asked her what it is like to eat out a girl. She told me that first you have to get over the fact it is totally gross what you are about to do. Then once you do it, it is exactly like having a great big pash with something. And it is really easy and isn’t difficult at all. Then we talked about how sometimes giving a guy a blow job is really difficult and boring sometimes, mechanical. Anyway I always wondered and now I know.

September 25, 2008

NOT ONLINE A LOT

As I keep saying I haven’t been online a lot lately. I have been feeling so shit you really cannot believe. It is my old friend “Lost At Sea Feeling” back again. If you have these times too, then you will understand. Hopefully you do, cause that will mean you are normal. But yeah, I have even thought about killing this blog. I started off not giving a fuck about what I wrote on here and telling great gossips and having a laugh. But has timed has moved on, I have found myself biting my tongue more often and thinking “Fuck should I say that?” and deleting half a paragraph. And that isn’t why I started this blog in the first place. It was never meant to be a music blog, or a look at my H&M outfit blog, or anything, it was just supposed to be my place to sit down and chat away. Rather than have 4 AIM windows open and FB all running at the same time. What I find disturbing is why do I suddenly give a fuck even?

My relationship with my longest love is going through a rocky time. The relationship feels pretty empty and soulless at the moment? Maybe it is the weather? Maybe it wasn’t meant to go on forever? Like the old man at Ed’s bar in Chicago [when he was propositioning me to go back to his house and strip so he could look and not touch] said to Paul and I “You too are good for now. Not forever. Just for now.” I am even looking at jobs back in Australia because I am tired of life with my longest love. City of London – I don’t love you like I used to. But then – maybe it is the people I know and don’t want to know any more that are making me feel less inclined to venture out doors and walk your streets in my big black boots.

God – fuck it – I feel like I am living someone else’s life if I can’t talk about my own here.

It is so weakening getting finger fucked by a guy who “doesn’t want a girlfriend” and the only dicking I got is when they dicked me round. XXCENSOREDXX. What a waste of fucking time. It was in essence, my first lesbian relationship. LOLZ.

In other news: another friend told me once that they never wanted to work with someone on particular types of projects and that she wanted it to be ‘our thing’ – I guess she was having a hating on her particular day. Because now time has passed and indeed the two of them are working on something. I’m genuinely happy for my friend. It has put my nose out of joint tho.
So maybe it is my turn to be the possessive lesbian and I should go round finger fucking women like I was the aforementioned man? HA.
Actually I think it might have more to do with my absolute horror about getting forgotten about which stems from childhood favouritism, my parents not coming to a school party, my father missing my swimming tests, bullied at school etc etc. [a moment to cry folks and could have possibly deleted the whole paragraph] And something I definitely will not talk about here. Unless I’m totally drunk and wearing heels.

And speaking of being a lesbian – Max was apparently having a conversation with XXCENSOREDXX about how much I love cock. It is always a bit uncertain with Max when he has a glass of Rosé in his hand as to whether it is Tourette’s at that moment, or he had it while talking to XXCENSOREDXX, or was serious then or laughing now. Either way I found it funny. He teases me constantly about XXCENSOREDXX and how I should get with him. Personally Pippa and I think it is because Max’s wants to vicariously have sex with XXCENSOREDXX himself. The thing about loving cock – Mum if you are reading this – that is what MAX said not me.

And for the first time ever, I will reveal a XXCENSOREDXX by way of a photographic clue:

He is one of the men in this picture. And I am certain that he must find me so attractive sitting here in hot pink polka dot flannel pyjama bottoms, a Silas red t-shirt, and orange Ralph Lauren sweatshirt I cut into a cardigan, powder blue Falke socks and red Chanel flip flips eating banana muffins I cooked for dinner cause I had nothing else in the house whining about my life. So seriously Max’s match making would be worse for him than me.

Yeah I should go to bed. But before I do:

This is the part of myself I absolutely hate hate hate the most. Compared to everything – all parts of me inside and out. This is it. We can all see that I would make an excellent Christmas ham and where the surgeons knife should go or straw or whatever he would do to get rid of the grossness on the inner AND outer thighs.

Hello friend. We are back together again like we should be and I have no secrets from you.

xx Lektrogirl

July 20, 2008

HERE’S MY FRIEND SARATEA


floridaoct, originally uploaded by saratea.

No relation to Alex, and only internet friends cause we never met. But I suspect sneakily from her pictures that we are quite similar.

I have to say a big thank you to Marisa and Sara though who both have commented on the most recent Leica selfportrait that I don’t look ming.

Today has been totes weird. Well let’s make that the last week. I feel like an eaten mango all turned inside out. I had to ask the Fambles to come over and just lie and watch TV with me for a half hour to get some normality back in my day. I spend too much time on my own in this house and end up telling people all kinds of dark things in the middle of the night that are too freaky [in a Rick James kind of way if he was into S&M] or crying over spilt milk.


Went to WORK IT with The Cardinal and Lord Fauntleroy, met up with Carri and bumped into Antoinette. Antoinette and I bragged about the fact we had no bra on each and flashed our boobs to each other then got a bit seductive with the dance moves – not overly though. Please don’t start sending in requests for pictures YGM. I have to say however that if I was to turn that way inclines, Antoinette would be one of the first babes I hit on. Only after drinking a bottle of Malibu myself and plying her with another. Lord Fauntleroy pissed me off again by lecturing me on how shit Garage is and that it isn’t a real dance music cause it is for the waist up only and proper dance music is for the waist down. For dancing like one of the Marley’s. Then he did this very cool dance that illustrated his point succinctly. For such a total nerd he is a pretty special creature. But we both know that we are a total different species to one another so I don’t think we will be going on a date any time soon. Nevertheless he is exactly the kind of friend I need. Except for the part where he told me I was a waist up dancer and he was disappointed. I told him that he was just cramping my style. Please Booty Carrell at this juncture stand up for me cause you know me so well.

xx Lektrogirl

OH YERRR AND FUCK ME – who was the cunt who thought it would be a funny idea to play Midnight Request Line or whatever that dubstep horror song is called and ruin my WHOLE party vibes. SO BAD. GIVE IT A FUCKING REST.

February 10, 2008

MWLLOL – LOL

Sorry for the absence of the last few days. Painting shelves and skirting boards is taking longer than I first thought. And even though I am using water based gloss it still stinks like ammonia – a bit like having my face in a kitty litter tray while lying on the floor.

I have all kinds of pictures to post from more glamorous moments in my life but I just haven’t got them off the camera yet – dinner at La Barca with the Maison B ladies where Sarah Lee banned me from going to Paris with everyone [I don't know why!], the pictures from the French deli off Holloway Road where I went with Jane and the Salade Nicoise that Cardinal cooked me the other night too.

In fact, here is a video we made of Cardinal cooking. Yes – they are her hands and arms [the nails! I know!] She also did the voice over. We nicked the camera equipment from her work that is why the video looks so professional!

Anyway I am sure you will all forgive me for not writing more regularly when I show you this hot blog – MEN WHO LOOK LIKE OLD LESBIANS.

So the top 25 men who look like old lesbians appeared on cracked.com

Here is a selection:


#25. Chuck Klosterman

He Is:
A Pop-culture obsessed and farm-raised hipster who writes for GQ and ESPN.

Looks Like:
Someone who has penned 14 books on the spiritual nature of the vulva.


#18. Kyle MacLachlan

He Is:
Actor known for his work with David Lynch and Elizabeth Berkley.

Looks Like:
A manager of a website about two pet dogs.

See the whole Top 25 here.

And for people who want to go straight to the source, here is the original men who look like old lesbians site. It is funny to take a moment and think which guys I know could make it onto this site one day. I know they talk about turtle necks here but I’m going to propose a propensity for wearing flannel checked shirts and cardigans or a zip-up hoodie. That being said I am sitting here prepared to paint today wearing a flannel checked cowboy shirt with pearlised popper buttons and an “Enjoy California” written in the coca cola script t-shirt [both hand-me-overs from an old flatmate] that I only ever wear for painting. And the now legendary cut off grey tracky daks from Primark. I know I don’t look like a lesbian though cause I don’t have a piercing in my eyebrow and that would be the what it would take to flip this look from “Do It Yourself” to “Dildo Into You”. YGM.

xx Lektrogirl

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