Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

April 9, 2010

NEWS FROM THE MUTTS


Memories of Ice and Fire on A Journey Round My Skull.

Just to tell you Mutts has had her operation and she is fine, although pissing quite a lot. Then Mutts and I went on to talk about the old lady who had our house before us. My sister believes she died in the house and is terrified alone there at night. Of course the story is all wrong and the woman died in a home as I learnt from Ma today. ALTHOUGH I can tell you that other people visiting our house have seen things late at night. My exhusband saw an old woman at the end of his bed. He was so convinced it was real he thought it could only be Muttsie dressed up in an old sheet who appeared. But then he blinked and she was gone. Tasmania is very very dark at night. You can see stars for infinity. I think sleepy eyes in the pitch black will make out any shape they can.

Another thing to tell you that makes me happy is when my alarm goes off in the morning, Hobart races down to my bed to alert me to the fact it’s time to get up. She sits there waiting until I turn it off. Whether I am by the alarm ringing or not, she definitely is.

P.S. Not looking forward to work today. Big accounts day.

May 5, 2008

MUM

The last person I spoke to last night was my mum. I was telling her about something a bit awkward that happened recently and the reason why it happened and she CRACKED ME UP when she stared singing “HE’S A WANKER HE’S A WANKER HE’S A WANKER”.

She was really pleased with herself – she said “I’m just like you – I’m in my pyjamas until 2pm! But maybe it’s genetic cause my father stood there in his pyjamas and dressing gown all day if he really got into his architectural drawings…”

When I woke up this morning I called Mutts again. I asked her why we never got on when I was growing up. She said that I was quite distant, and I found her exactly the same. She also said that I used to really push her buttons by climbing up on to the fridge and refusing to get off. Neither of us could remember why I did that. Anyway now Mum and I get on really well. I guess I didn’t get her until the last couple of years.

xx Lektrogirl

April 20, 2008

THE BEST FRIDAY

At the depths of despair – or maybe it was chronic PMT – I rang my Mutts the other night crying about everything and nothing. [It is a long story.] And like a superstar she knew just the fixer. She told me to get £20 out of her bank account and go and do something nice the next day. So obviously I went and did the best thing you could do on a Friday in London – I went to Borough Market.

Like everyone else who sees these, I am always totally captivated by them hanging there at the stall at Borough. One girl came up to me after I photographed them and asked me if I thought the stall owners should be allowed to display them there. She thought that they should be hidden. I mean – I could see what she was saying, but I didn’t see it as any different to all the other meat on display all over the market [albeit without fur and cute ears] or the fish in the fabulous fish stall which is my personal favourite stall.

Granted the rabbits did stink of blood. I asked her if she was a vegetarian and she said no. She just felt that the display of rabbits was ‘a little violent’. The rabbits just made me think of when I was young and we had ‘pet’ rabbits that were actually bought to grow for meat anyway. But my sister and I had befriended them all and been playing with them regularly taking them out of the cage and letting them run all over the garden. When I went out to the garage one day to see The G.A. almost at staggering stage from a lot of whiskey and a half skinned rabbit hanging from the corrugated iron roof I felt really awful. I asked The G.A. if I could have a go at skinning it, he said yes, I ripped off some pelt and it sounded like Velcro ripping apart. I felt even more awful. Then later at the dinner table, I felt more awful still.

Anyway back to Borough Market.


The money Mutts gave me I spent at Brindisa on tortilla and chicory salad and a coffee. All for £12.04 [including service.] I made the chicory salad for myself the next day for lunch it was so good. And the tortilla was pretty good – warm and gooey – but not as good as the tortilla from La Rosa in Madrid!

Then I went and bought a variety of snacks to be had with Prosecco while Cardinal and I prepared ourselves for Deano’s birthday. Focaccia bread, beetroot hummus, fresh tomatoes, blue cheese and garlic olives. Venom also came over but he broke one of my limited edition Babycham glasses that Max gave me as a present when I still worked at the shop. I was drinking ‘Rose Royals’ [prosecco and French rose syrup] while Cardinal had prosecco with Bush Liqueur I brought back from Tasmania made with Pepperberries. Anyway as soon as we got to the party, and the Imodium I gave Venom to stop him pooing all over the place worked it was good times all round.

And now by Sunday morning, the misery has gone and I am much happier! Thanks Mum.

xx Lektrogirl

March 6, 2008

I’VE LOST MY FAMILY

Not wanting to sound too grim about it, but Mutts and I were discussing the things I wanted from the house when both of my parents ‘go to the other side’. I can’t really remember what I said now other than some old crockery – in particular the jug with the handles stapled back together in the wartime days when there was no glue. I was going to make a really awful joke then about prisoners of war then but thought better of it. After getting banned from Venom’s blog for real [tho' he tried to reinstate me and said he couldn't work out how... a likely story...] I’m trying to be good – honest Gov’. Anyway so – when the G.A. moved into the old man’s home, most of the chutch went up to the Auction Mart to pay for the credit card bills Mutts discovered so it is kind of slim pickings but there is still some good stuff there – like the matching jug to my polka dot teapot.

GOD! WTF am I on about…

So, I went looking tonight to find pictures I had taken of my family in college years. I have loads of old prints that I developed myself in the top of the linen closet [no I don't have a boiler in there in case you were shitting yourself about the paper] but I knew I had rescanned them at some point. Ergh – I couldn’t find them anywhere in my GIGABYTES of random online storage space, but I did find these online. They are pictures of my distant relatives on my Mutt’s side from a really cool old family album that I have dibsy bags on before my sister I hope.


This guy always reminds me of Squarepusher. Do you see it?


The one on the right looks like a man in drag.


What is up with those devil’s knot tie side buns on that lady?


SPANIEL HAIR-DO


I have always felt a resonance with Misery Guts here with the dog.


Dude on the left looks stuffed.

If you can make out what some of the scratchy spider writing says it is quite funny. It is a shame I resized the scans cause the book is much larger in real life. Oh well I’m always a fucking idiot somewhere along the way. And if I’ve actually got ahead in life for a few days some asshole always comes along to put me right back in my place.

You know who you are.

xx Lektrogirl

February 26, 2008

BAD BREAKUPS

I was just on the phone to my mothers saying both good morning and good night to each other. Still weird after 13 years. My little nephew said he wants to come and live in London “Cause people get to stay up all night there.” He has quite grasped the sun and moon thing properly. Anyway – Mutts and I were talking about tea cups. Then I went and checked my email and saw the mail she had forwarded to all the family members, which had originated from her work friends. Usually I have seen the things she has sent round before, but I hadn’t seen these.

How I laughed!


LOL! The best part is the bad spelling. I would feel a dick head if I misspelled a megadis like that. The SMILE on the windshield is a nice touch.


This idea is so good I wish I had thought of it.


Also nice, but cost prohibitive expensive.


I’m certain that this would have felt SO good. And by the looks of his possessions strewn over the front lawn, she was better off without him anyway.

xx Lektrogirl

December 21, 2007

MUM, MEET DJ VENOM


Mum and I have been bouncing around to the DJ Venom Maximum Carnage mix that you can download here. My Mum quite liked it, some of it she said was a bit too fast but the bassline stuff she was into. [If I caught her at a dupstep party I would fucking kill her.] Yesterday I could see her out of the corner of my eye vibing to Trina’s “Jealous Girls” which is a personal favourite.

My mother is pretty cool considering she is 65. She doesn’t have bad legs either for a lady her age.

Anyway – the nerds are here – my neice and nephews!! Woo Hoo!! GTG.

xx Lektrogirl

October 26, 2007

ALL A ONNU BAD MIND?


God I have been so miserable lately finding out about big lies and little lies from little people who can’t keep their big mouths shut. [What goes around comes around.] On to more positive vibes, what a gorgeous surprise to see the pictures Cardinal took the other day and me looking so happy! Here is a very rare picture of me SMILING with a ginuwine face having a happy time doing happy things. Thank fuck I am normal after all.

And as I have been reminded that my mother reads my blog when we had big chats on the phone this morning [she was telling me all about my sister's new job as a swimming teacher] and mum also commented on my pink nipples in some picture [shame] I thought I best put some more pics up of me just for her. With my clothes on.


This is me in a club Mum. What I am doing with my hand is called “throwing signs”. What this one means is “2 in the pussy [vagina] and 1 in the bum”. I don’t actually know if that just means with fingers or dicks, but either way it purile and funny and I even taught Katharine Hamnett how to do. FYI Mum I never had sex with more than one person at once so I could have only ever acheived this with the fingers but to tell you would be TMI. [see note below.]


Tek Weh Yuself!
Here is me in the same club later in the night Mutts. [Everyone else - Mutts is the name I call my mother.] I am saying “You Get Me?” to Philippa. Which means “Are we on the same wavelength?” I was only a little bit drunk that night and I didn’t “Get my rocks off” as you used to say about cousin James going to Amsterdam. Oh no actually the next day I ended up puking once in a saucepan and Nameless had to come over with a loaf of bread cause I was too ill to get any food. He actually ate most of the bread cause I couldn’t and shaped the loaf into an Oriental slipper for me. I must have been pretty wasted. Not as bad though as in my youth when you took me to the doctor for the injections to stop puking. Oh God. That was bad.

xx Lektrogirl

NOTE:
TMI = Too Much Information. Here is an amazing conversation which used TMI to great advantage and works some graet TMI extras in too!

him 22:10:16: GROSSSS I dont imagine its like this at all
him 22:10:39: haha oh man next time i see him all ill be able to think will be
me 22:10:40: this video is the last way on earth i would want to bang
him 22:10:41: XXCENSOREDXX
me 22:10:45: XXCENSOREDXX
him 22:10:53: XXCENSOREDXX
him 22:10:58: omg
him 22:10:59: just FYI
him 22:11:09: im not one of these people whos like TMI
him 22:11:21: or DID *NOT* WANNA KNO THAT
him 22:11:23: but if i was was
him 22:11:32: id be like doing TMI cartwheels right now
him 22:11:47: TMI fukin firework show
me 22:11:51: HAHAHAHA
me 22:12:14: ROTFLOL
him 22:12:35: anyway i dunno if ill be able to look at him in the same way (neutral)
me 22:12:46: and it is so funny cause the neighbourhood bad boyz are letting off crackers now

P.P.S. For reference, this is the video we are talking about:

WHAT A HO!! This is the worst song and video ever and makes me want to puke.

Powered by WordPress