Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

May 17, 2008

ABSOLUTE TRUTH

I am about to nip out and get some number 2 drill bits in an attempt to child safe my flat for L’il Money’s visit as of tomorrow. She is worried I can’t speak Danish or Swedish and I’m worried I can’t speak Danish. Fortunately her father can speak both Danish and English so everything should be cool. I’m really looking forward to it. Though I really worry about the time Venom broke the Babycham glass – you know how slivers of glass can turn up mysteriously months later no matter how many times you vacuum.

Before I do go out I just wanted to say I really didn’t think I had any shame on the Internet and I often talk to my friends ‘Blah Blah whatever I just don’t care about what people can find about me on the Internet… I’ve always had a personal website since 1999 it’s all like NBD blah blah’ like Miss Big Tings. I thought I would feel embarrassed to have a video circulating of me singing, or my Dad send me an email about my boobs on Flickr but no. There is an Achilles heel tho’ – MY RECENTLY LISTENED TRACKS ON LAST FM PROFILE. If someone really wanted to have a go – at any level – I would suggest going through there and having a really good laugh. Ed DMX was right when he said I have the worst record collection ever and it is looking that way with the MP3’s as well. The other day when BDL was having brunch, I was SO ASHAMED by some of the music that come on iTunes.
So if it is any consolation to anyone who has felt over exposed by chatter on my posts perhaps take solace in the fact that as long as I’m scrobbling I’m paying my penance – and for that reason I am obliged to scrobble for eternity.

xx Lektrogirl

May 13, 2008

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #5

Unfortunately, due to the sensitivity of some of the subject matter contained therein, I was forced to XXCENSOREDXX sections of the last email from The G.A.

Takes me 2 and a half hours to s.s.s.* and dress myself each morning, which is why I am typing this note at 11.15 a.m.
Good to hear from you shags, NO I am not really a racist? I remember Ruthy Rare (rahray say) who was a New Zealand Moari and as dark as a fukkin blood sausage, Good fun though, Could play a ujke and sing like a thrush. Only quite little, hard to find in a double bed!!! XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX?
XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX. shove it up yer joompa. Take ma’s credit card and extract up to 20$ worth to buy yourself some British fish and chips. (think of me when you eat them!) I will give her my next fortnites allowance to cover your end. I hope to hell you can get a feed of f’n'c’ for 20 $?
Yeah I know it must be tough having the imbalance problem. Specially if you got it off my side of the family. My ma and pa were quite a pair of fukkin wonkers during our lives. None of we three boys rarely ebver lived together, nor with our mother and father. We were always farmed out to one relative or another, even not relatives , just people who would take spare kids and bed ‘em and feed ‘em(like some old tart in Birmingham Mrs Hill) And Mrs Milligann in Renfrew street in Glasgow, et effincetera. Oo cares? that was yesterday and a whole lot of them ago. At least you and Sara spent most of your youth together, din ya?
I expect I was a bit of a pain in the arse. Selling grog and all. No wonder I ended up having a stroke.
I’ll get a lottery ticket. We’ll win 30 million and I’ll come home! We’ll live in the best hotel in Londinium! The Dorset? The Ritz? The park bench? Whatever
Luv from yer old fella. XXCENSOREDXX. cHEERS G.A. POPS.XXXX

I wish I could just leave that unXXCENSOREDXX cause it is so hilarious.
FYI – s.s.s. = shit shower shave

And thanks to everyone to wrote to tell me that they like my new video ALL OF MY FOR ALL OF YOU. It is always nice to receive positive vibes. We have all witnessed some odd behaviour from others on this blog of late. But like Lady Sovereign sang [I know - quoting her! YGM! LOLZ - but also kind of fitting]:

“Love me or hate me I’m still an obsession,
Love me or hate me that is the question,
If you love me then THANK YOU
If you hate me then FUCK YOU”

The best thing about that video is one of the garbage men who throws “Sov” in the truck is Jeyjon who used to be in Dead or Alive. NO JOKES.

xx Lektrogirl

May 9, 2008

I ALWAYS HATED CRYSTAL CASTLES

They always seemed really fake. And now I know why:

Lo-bat. is a really good friend of mine – he was even at my wedding with his girlfriend Wendy. Probably, if he had been asked he would have been up for any kind of collaboration or his music being used. A shame he didn’t even get the chance.

What I don’t get is why musicians do this – rip someone off so blatantly and think they aren’t gonna get found out. There was some other Scandiavian twats who did the same thing recently too. I can’t think who they were…

Anyway – if you want to hear the tracks that Crystal Castles have ripped off and ignored the Creative Commons license that they were distributed with, check Lo-bat.’s website. WARNING – complete chip musician nerd zone… LOL… Actually before I say that, Wauter [Lo-bat.] is a classically trained guitarist at some amazing school in Belgium AND a brilliant cartoonist.

xx Lektrogirl

February 18, 2008

SPRING CLEAN


I have a nose full of dust and hands that feel dry. I have been going through cupboards and boxes going through things that are up to 18 years old. Best of tapes from 1990 and compilations that my sister and I made with the most ridiculous names: Beak Beats, Beats Up The Arse Loud and Strong, Love the N*****. Even more shocking that the last name of our compilations, there are even old tapes of Richard H. Kirk CD’s I had/have[?], Autechre, Aphex Twin – all the old IDM for listening to on a Walkman. How hideous.


It has been so great though going through everything getting rid of stuff from people who don’t belong here. Memories that are too old to be bothered with. Some hilarious stuff!


I found a letter from Noodles about his drunken antics. I’ll never throw that out. He goes on about someone who is into steam engines. I cried laughing. And being so drunk, falling over in a new lemon Fred Perry sweater. That wasn’t the first or last time for Nicky Noo Noo I’m sure!! OH GOD!! I just remember the time Noodles came over to Monsieur Raides and got so drunk together I puked noodles in the bath for HOURS and Monsieur Raide’s and Noodles ran out to Commerical Road with their trousers off together to flash at the cars. Or something. I was too wasted to really remember what went on. I can just remember having to lock Noodles out of the bathroom cause I was sure he was going to molest me.


There was heaps of old “Lektrogirl” ephemera. Songs on cassette tapes, notations about sequences, double density diskettes.


Back then, my boyfriend was Monsieur Raide. And Brains thinks he had a hard time…


Monsieur Raide told me that he had some ‘thing’ with a girl at Pizza Express. I sent Monsieur Raide a message on a sheet of A1 drawing paper with the address and telephone number of every Pizza Express in London. I told him that if he was gonna mess around with a girl from Pizza Express I was gonna go find her and give her a piece of my mind. Though I wouldn’t really know what happened there.

Monsieur Raide gave me a very nice typewriter that I still have in my cupboard. I would never throw that out. After he gave it to me I did another picture, this time about the typewriter.

I considered it lucky after some of the things I had been through and I used that typewriter a lot.

After while in my life, I didn’t write or draw or make music or paint or anything. I don’t know what happened.

I guess I just have too much junk in the cupboards.

xx Lektrogirl

September 23, 2007

ONE FOR THE LADIES

Last night I couldn’t help but feel a bit sheepish about the amount of fun I was having with three other girlfriend’s in a restaurant talking about men and the similarities to that TV show Sex In the City with the horse faced once that I never really got into.

Oh how we laughed!!

Look – no fillings! [and a VINTAGE milk fed t-shirt FYI for anyone who knows anything]

This is my cacking myself at Sarah Lee [who is an amazing photographer who does a lot of stuff for the shop] who can’t throw signs with ease – but she is very good and making shadow puppets of dogs who could adopt the personality of various past lovers from Pippa, Jasmine and I. My lord – we laughed till we cried telling each other the calls from the vinegar strokes: Sarah told of a man who said “It’s coming” in the same tone of voice as Prince Charles when he saw a really ugly building. I told of a man who said “There you go” when he shot his load, but I also heard him use the same phrase on the phone to his mother when then were cracking each other up! Jasmine had a fella say “I’ve got a surprise for you”. Pippa was more of a lady about divulging her tales but the ladylike behaviour dropped to the wayside when she cackled at the rest of our stories. We also discussed size, impotency and a variety of other men’s health problems [their brains...] But I can’t divulge more. Cause that would be telling.

We ate at a restaurant of Sarah’s choice – a tapas place in Mornington Crescent.

I’ve been a bit lax photographing things lately but I remembered to take a photo of our food after it was mostly finished. I ordered roast beetroot with onions and chestnuts, fennel with spinach and pinenuts and chicory salad. I nicked a lot of Sarah’s chorizo and she nicked all the pine nuts.

Pippa named her sardines Sylvia and Little Joe. No surprise then that she couldn’t eat the fish named after her son…


We weren’t even drunk but we spent ages taking pictures of ourselves with these brooches. All the amazing ones – of people looking horrendous had to be deleted but there were some real corkers! What is actually unbelieveable about this is that I sat there doing possibly the most retarded thing I’ve done in ages and I was missing CSI and Law and Order at home. Thank god I made it back for Criminal Minds!!

And today I have a lot of web work to try and do for Maria, and mountain of laundry and sorting my house out. If anyone wants to come and clean the floors – they need mopping – I’ll pay them £20 for an hours work.

xx Lektrogirl

August 17, 2007

SHAME

JoJo just showed me her new milking bra which is kind of gross but also really amazing like an old 50’s bra. But where the shame lies is I was sitting at one end of the room and was trying to do something lewd at Roxy and JoJo turned round from the fax machine and said across the whole room “I just saw your minge. Aren’t you wearing any knickers.” Then I had to prove to the whole room I was. I apologised profusely to JoJo but still I felt a bit shamed.

One I was so drunk I ended up walking along Oxford Street in nothing but a red thong [this was like 10 years ago] cause I was changing my clothes on the way to somewhere else. Shame of that situation was some guy shouted “Put your tits away.” My friend who I was with at the time, Dan Moss and I ended up staggering around to Rathbone Place, me getting dressed, hailing a cab, me puking in the cab, Dan having to scrub the cab out and pay a fine of £50 and then me passing out back at Dan’s house. Oh those were the days. It is all glamour here.

xx Lektrogirl

April 22, 2007

MY VIRGINITY

Today the I participated in for the Independent On Sunday came out. If you didn’t already see the paper and view the giant picture of me in it you can read it online.

JUST FOR THE RECORD:

This – “I thought there would be blood everywhere, but he had such a small penis that nothing happened. I assumed my hymen must have already been broken when I was younger – but it was just because I was small.”

should read – “I thought there would be blood everywhere, but he had such a small penis that nothing happened. I assumed my hymen must have already been broken when I was younger – but it was just because IT was small.”

You get me?

xx Lektrogirl

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