Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

September 8, 2008

DROP THAT ASS


Hydraulic Style – DJ Nasty

Listen to the counter melody? Or does it count as a melody? Or just a synth line? It’s so beautiful! And while you are dropping that ass to the ground – which is something people can do with all ass sizes – we don’t have to be all bootylicious about this – why not check to see who got kicked to the curb lately? It might just surprise you!

I actually untagged this picture of myself on Facebook. I don’t know why I bothered cause I have a totally private profile. I regret untagging it now. Because you know me – Mrs. No Secrets. The last time I was in the Glasshouse was years ago with Nick Phillips / Noodles drinking Ayingerbrau [a.k.a. The Angry Brew] Rail slide down a tube station bench on my shoulder [how I did that I will never know] and throwing up all night bright orange vomit until Noodle’s flatmates thought I was gonna lose a liver. Speaking of Noodles, I saw ANDREW HARTWELL of all people at PIZZA the other night. AND BDL walked past while our whole table got a glacial vibe shower from his girlfriend. AND FOUL PLAY FOWLER. The shame. That hadn’t happened to me since about 1999 when Karl Hutchinson, Chris Chang Towers, Dan Moss and someone else – probably Smiler all rolled into The Bricklayers Arms AND SAT AT THE SAME TABLE. I was there with The Witch at the time choking on my pint. See how much I have changed? I would down pints back then with a full face of make-up with a severe bob and Prada shoes.

I’m off to have more of a living room disco chill out and max out those dance vibes. So much fun.

xx Lektrogirl

August 20, 2008

DAY OFF

And what a day. Still broke and waiting for pay day I went back into town cause the guy at the Leicester Square Timpsons failed to cut a key correctly and I needed him to do it again. The key he cut as a replacement also didn’t work. I hate him. He looks like a large version of the boot makers elves crossed with something out of A League of Gentlemen or something with brown gack all over his glasses. I also visited the Photographer’s Gallery which wasn’t a lot, then went and had a piece of rhubarb tart at PAUL and a really horrid coffee. After that I went into an antique etching and print place and asked the nerdy guy “I’m looking for pictures of naked ladies or tea parties.” I mean what else would I want? A ‘Negro’ boxer, a prize winning horse or a battle scene – hardly. Anyway the poor guy blushed his face off and couldn’t even bring himself to to say ‘naked ladies’ to his female boss [I bet he is big into vintage porn]. She sent me off to Cecil Court where I found some amazing plant lithographs and maps of Tasmania from the olden days. I didn’t buy anything though. I will definitely go back though. I couldn’t help but think of the rude man in Paris who has the shop selling old photographs in is it the MarchĂ© des Enfants or something? I so feel a trip to Paris coming soon.

Anyway – got home, had a nap but got woken by Superduck asking me about the name of a CafĂ© in Paris – which apparently has great hot chocolate. I don’t even drink hot chocolate. Then OMG who should appear online by my old friend Noodles who I was able to swap some timely gossip with about one of the more highly strung ex’s of my days and a lot of snorting ROLFing done on my part. Noodles also gave me the missing link to a mystery I have been trying to investigate for the last couple of weeks. So I was straight back on the phone to Superduck who could make like Craig David and Fill Me In. Superduck could assure me that XXCENSOREDXX is a piece of work and XXCENSOREDXX only goes for trophy men. HAHA. Good luck to XXCENSOREDXX then. To wind up the conversation, Superduck then went to tell me he wanted to jizz on Maude’s face cause she is so cute, sweet, innocent and lovely [it is his cat] and take picture of it. Cool. Thankfully though he sent a text later telling me that even though he was trying hard and was thinking of XXCENSOREDXX Maude’s little furry face really put him off and he couldn’t do it.

And to put the lid on the day, Mr Chips has been making me a couple of videos on Facebook after we told each other to ‘Get Fucked’ the other day. In one of them he sang a little song along with what he calls his ‘Paedo iPhone Piano’ where he said I was like a cat stuck in a petrol can. Which I thought was a very accurate description of me sometimes – I can be that prickly.

All in all I have really enjoyed my day off. I hope to goodness that Oscar is in the office tomorrow. He is the cutest dog in the world.

I have worked in some offices where there have been dogs that have been nothing but trouble – pissing and shitting on the floor, constantly barking, biting people, chewing up staff’s belongings – really badly trained dogs. Oscar on the other hand is just perfect! He has such a lovely nature and he is so friendly I love it when he sits at my desk and does my work for me. And I am going to see him tomorrow.

Oh cool – I just got another video from Mr Chips. He told me he is going to shoot me in the face and stab me in the cunt! Mr Chips really puts boys like Prancehall back in the playground when it comes to beef.

xx Lektrogirl

February 18, 2008

SPRING CLEAN


I have a nose full of dust and hands that feel dry. I have been going through cupboards and boxes going through things that are up to 18 years old. Best of tapes from 1990 and compilations that my sister and I made with the most ridiculous names: Beak Beats, Beats Up The Arse Loud and Strong, Love the N*****. Even more shocking that the last name of our compilations, there are even old tapes of Richard H. Kirk CD’s I had/have[?], Autechre, Aphex Twin – all the old IDM for listening to on a Walkman. How hideous.


It has been so great though going through everything getting rid of stuff from people who don’t belong here. Memories that are too old to be bothered with. Some hilarious stuff!


I found a letter from Noodles about his drunken antics. I’ll never throw that out. He goes on about someone who is into steam engines. I cried laughing. And being so drunk, falling over in a new lemon Fred Perry sweater. That wasn’t the first or last time for Nicky Noo Noo I’m sure!! OH GOD!! I just remember the time Noodles came over to Monsieur Raides and got so drunk together I puked noodles in the bath for HOURS and Monsieur Raide’s and Noodles ran out to Commerical Road with their trousers off together to flash at the cars. Or something. I was too wasted to really remember what went on. I can just remember having to lock Noodles out of the bathroom cause I was sure he was going to molest me.


There was heaps of old “Lektrogirl” ephemera. Songs on cassette tapes, notations about sequences, double density diskettes.


Back then, my boyfriend was Monsieur Raide. And Brains thinks he had a hard time…


Monsieur Raide told me that he had some ‘thing’ with a girl at Pizza Express. I sent Monsieur Raide a message on a sheet of A1 drawing paper with the address and telephone number of every Pizza Express in London. I told him that if he was gonna mess around with a girl from Pizza Express I was gonna go find her and give her a piece of my mind. Though I wouldn’t really know what happened there.

Monsieur Raide gave me a very nice typewriter that I still have in my cupboard. I would never throw that out. After he gave it to me I did another picture, this time about the typewriter.

I considered it lucky after some of the things I had been through and I used that typewriter a lot.

After while in my life, I didn’t write or draw or make music or paint or anything. I don’t know what happened.

I guess I just have too much junk in the cupboards.

xx Lektrogirl

Powered by WordPress