Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

June 13, 2010


A new feature by Hobart the cat.

i have brothers and sister i dont remember, a father i dont even know. probably if i met any of them again – or even my mother – we would be a tumble weed across the floor or two cats bodies intent on maiming. in a honest and direct sense. no subtefuge or pretending we are too grown up to get involved in silly games. a cats life is far more simple: you piss me off, i will fight you. i dont care who you are. and, on the whole – who cares? not me and you shouldn’t either.
the important important in life are:
  1. where does the food come from?
  2. where can i sleep?
  3. where can i shit without getting my face rubbed in it?
i dont know how many times i have heard people through the glass looking at me saying “oh how i wish i was a cat. life is so simple.”
let me tell you: “yerrr mate. life is really simple. AND I CAN LICK MY BUM.” how much more straight forward and simple do you want it? have i got a dirty bum? hang on  - let me take a look? ah no, i’m clean. you go ferret around with your wet toilet paper and still trouble yourself for a clean wipe and get skid marks.
as a cat, it is really simple. you may think you are all pretty cool being able to do stuff like wear sexy underwear, get hair cuts, read books etc. but my advice is just follow the dream – look for the sunshine and lie in it. that is all you need to do.

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