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July 11, 2010

SUNDAY AFTERNOON

While working on an embroidery project that I cannot reveal as it is destined as a gift Hobart and I sit and nod our heads along to a variety of songs coming out of the speakers.

You know, I read on a dating website a woman using the headline “a pile of washing up”. Another wrote “Must be lovely and like glitter.” What should I have written? Well I don’t know as so many blokes describe themselves as “pretty easy going” which I think if you read between the lines means “I’m pretty easy going so long as you do everything my way and don’t push me out of my safe place boundaries”. I don’t know how walking around in mismatched hideously expensive French lingerie with filthy hair and hands full of the same noodles that are now airborne in the direction of someone’s head while screaming CUNT YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE AN UGLY DOG and listening to gansta rap is really going to work with a guy who claims to be “pretty easy going”.

But then “I’m pretty easy going” could mean “I don’t really care what happens I’m on the brink of suicide anyway and if I don’t meet someone soon I’m going to kill myself. I hate my life. Save me.”

Or it could mean they spent two months living on the beach in Thailand and have Buddhist prayers tattooed around each ankle and made money picking mangoes.

I was discussing the difference between dating websites with a pal via SMS this morning. I told her that there are more nutters on plentyoffish.com than there are on death row. Also on the plus side for men in jail, the pictures of the guys on death row are clearer and at least you can google them and find out exactly what they did wrong already.

Remember when I was a 20 something and it was so easy to meet men? I remember being in Smashing and walking up to a guy who ripped my dress off me as soon as he could after I just said “Hello”. The next week I saw someone he knew outside the Coach and Horses. I walked up to him and said “I fucked your friend last week.” I ended up dating this guy for a long time. He had a VW van and he took me to a VW rally once. The thing I remember the most about the rally was having to take a guy to hospital who had broken both his legs the night before when his little buggy thing smashed into the side of the Hog Roast van.

I hope I meet a guy who is pretty easy going when it comes to my life.

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