Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

February 15, 2011

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB /44

> ——-Original Message——-
> From: John Davidson
> To: Emma Davidson
> Subject: our recent text exchanges(mobile hat isw)
> Sent: 15 Feb ‘11 04:12
>
> HOWDO, eMMsie, Just had a hel’ls own job wakuing this FRED up. Some
> bastard had turned the power point off at the main. oTHER BUTTONS STILL
> SAID PRESS ANY KEY TO ‘WAKE THE COMP UP’ gOT the BRAINS FROM THE FRONT
> OFFICE TO PROVE HOW STUPID YOUR PA IS. mIND YOU THE POWER POINT IS WELL
> HIDDEN UNDER THE back upper corner of the desk top. I coon’t reach it with
> me walkin stick.some prat turned p/point off.
> Hope I texted nothing that intruded on your way of thinking about lif with
> Antony.I was sweating on a 40 dollars worth of tatts lotto? 62 ENTRIES.
> s.f.a MATE. nOT A WHIFF . sO WE A Are we RICH ALL OF A SUDDEN. NO. IF I
> fell in a gorrilla’s bum hole he’d have the trots. back it in ? did you
> both make any decisions about the future? Whatever you decide, as long as
> it makes you BOTH happier ?I have effed up too many times previously to
> consider any advice I could give to be of value mate.
> Wots Ants thoughts on the subject?Doe he see the probs that could occur in
> the fce of partnership feelings waning.Al I hopw.from many attempts to make
> the perfect match haven’t really beaen so successful. except the
> relationship you and I had when you were a littly. (FUCK IT. DAD.) rEMEMBER
> OLD hAROLD DROPPING THE pEARLY ONE WHEN HE KNOCKRD OVER A gLASS OF vat 69?
> That was yesterday Emsie. My Best DAYS
> nOT READING TOO WELL MATE. SO PLEASE EXCUSE THE USUAL ERRORS. aND any how
> nearly a very creaky 85 years!FARKCheers me dear. ‘Ullo yo ANT AND HobesAnd
> your boss come to thatIwould like to thank her for her trust in you to
> carry out a bit of foriegn business for her. Reminds me of my iold G.M.
> David Black.
> HE’D pick up yhe bloer and tell me to get my arse over to, which ever
> state and sort them out.They had stuffed up one of the deals we had going
> with one of our Major Delers, So off John/Davo, would go from Melbourne
> usually to W.A., STHaUS Northern teritory lots of times. Fark, Good days, I
> HEARD THAT dAVID bLACK DIED OF CANCER IN THE THROAT/ hE SMOKED A DIRTY
> BLACK SHAG IN A DIRTIER OLD PIPE. NO WONDER!? 3P.M. HERE ASO i’l send a
> text to tell you abot e’mail HOWZAT?gIVE MY REDARDS TO ANT ANT HOBStELL HIM
> WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY WILL SUIT ME.Cheers little mate. Hope it turns up
> good for you both, Love ex yer old pa.XXXX

July 20, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #42

>  ——-Original Message——-
>  From: John Davidson <XXCENSOREDXX>
>  To: Emma Davidson
>  Subject: RE: mostly hobart
>  Sent: 20 Jul ‘10 04:25
>
>  Don’t know what Hoby is lying on, but it looks loke a tie? She and I
>  have the pattern in common. The pattern on my tea mug (Dilma tea of course
>  plucked by Virgin fingers on the tea plantations on Ceylon? I was on Celon
>  once on my way to AUS, went down to MOUNT lAVINIA, for some dopey reason
>  and whilsi enjoying the tranquility og the oceanic view a cow sidled upto
>  me, it was rear-end first, and emptied its friggin bowels all down my
>  strides and shiny shoes. So I gave it a hefty kick up the arse. Talk about
>  shite hitting the fan. a mob of irate Ceylonese gathered and threatened me
>  with all sorts of punishment? H.T.F. was I to know that cows were sacred
>  animals. I realy upset some prat who spoke English and therefore understood
>  my aside, “We wouldn’t even eat that underfed, skinny bastard in England”
>  I think half the small gathering crapped themselves, probably saying a few
>  words to their Cow God?  I gave myself the old Ace.King.Queen.Jack sign and
>  retired quite quickly.
>  . I was working on the Himalaya at the time, a PASSENGER SHIP OF GOODLY
>  GIRTH AND SOME 2000 Odd PASSENGERS, PLUS THE CREW MOST OF WHOM WERE Homos.
>  So all I could do was go back to a guiness or two and sundry proposals of
>  marriagefrom the willowy members of the crew, No wonder I jumped ship in
>  SydneyIcould regale your reader with furthe tales from the trip to Aus and
>  the eventual punishment for not paying your fare to Aus. The Judge was a
>  Chritian soul. H sentenced me to 21 days in Long bay jail, for breaking
>  ship’s articles Justice Murpphy. He was looking kindly at man who had done
>  pretty well during my 2 years evading the police and port authorities
>  looking for a psuedonymned Irishman with the assumed name of an IRISH
>  GUARDS MATE OF MINE FROM tHE Scots Guards Armoured division in which I
>  served during the war no 2, One Michael Patrick Byrne.  God helpus we ‘d
>  have drunk more Guiness in a night a Christian could have baptised the
>  bloody division of Guardsmen in!
>  Cheers my darling daughter. I am trying to win a lottery again so I can
>  afford to spend the last days of my life in the best city in the world. Luv
>  Yer Dad. and you you furry ferret little ponce. Jonnno.XXXXXX

June 29, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #41

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 29 June 2010 05:01
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: back from nantes

Hi 2 u. I bin to Nntes – quite a long time ago, went with some (well, all of her ecept her farkin brains. Why would she be with me? She could parlez France. She was a school teacher, all of whom are quite queer. Still she was honest. I could rely on her leaving some FRANCS IN THE HAT WHILE (fark caps lock) blew my bollocks off playin La Compasita along the boulevardes. Yeah being young wasn’t all bad. Gtting them preggars was the curse!sounds likeyou had a good time . Good on you. You only have one shot at living kiddo. MY REGARD TO MISS fERRET, who looks after her when you scarper into the wilds of Europe. How’d you like YOURcountry being ruled by a Welshe woman from Barry – near Cardiff? She’s a lot brighter thabn the predecessor, Kevin Rudd. God love us. He blondes his hair. Still not hitting it off with your sister.. Not him you dick. ME Don’t think I’ll ever be on good terms with her. Bollox, anyhow. CHEERS to my 2 Friends. Meeow ya hairy bastardXXXXXX Luv ex yer Dad

June 23, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #40

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 23 June 2010 02:00
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: FW: Warning- Cover Head

it’s taking longer and longer to open your own files with all the bullshit Windows Live keeps adding or changing, Fark I’M AN AGED DRIBBLING OLD FART WHO HAS ENOUGH TRouble remembering his own name, let alone all the bullshit about keeping things away from the puiblic eye. I couldn’t give  a monkeys who is stupid enough to read something typed by somebody rhey have never met, nor likely to. luv yer DadXXXX Hope your’e keeping her on the straight and narrow, Hobes? For those who who should not be reading this, Hobes is her cat. And Her is my daughter, you nosey sod.

June 10, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #39

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 08 June 2010 04:47
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: More food from paris

yeah. But the frog/snail eating poofs DO eat well. What were the two black thing looking like beetroots after the strawbs and rasps?Mind you I certainly rember being put offg frog shiels who smoked ‘Gooloise’ Dark black pubic hair by the looks of it
What deal did you strike with yer ma about the Science Magazine. ? She’s back from Sydney but living with her Sister. Piotto.. It’s a lonely job getting through one’s dying days. It’s called the way of life! Fark.
How’s the Spanish furball, Ferret?Cheers mate. Paris always reminds me of playing my Harmonica up on the CAFES OVERLOOKING THE sIENNE, and collecting ten franc note. Then sleeping on thei paving stones under the Pont Du Nord. Cold and farkin hard. BUT I was young then- abot thirty years I think. Even out in the bush the villages were great. Cheers again you pair of Londo livers. Luv yer Dad, No OTHER BASTARD DOES,xxxxxx

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 10 June 2010 04:26
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: More food from paris

If you had to eat the shite they serve up here, you wouldn’t torture a poor AGED man with such delicious food from Pae=ris. even if they do smell a bit!. luv yer pa and the ferret.

April 13, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #34

>  ——-Original Message——-
>  From: John Davidson
>  To: Emma Davidson
>  Subject: RE: BERLIN REPORT
>  Sent: 11 Apr ‘10 23:42
>
>  Sorry to hear about yer cold kiddo. It’s the curse of the modern world,
>  no doubt., NOTHING can have as much effect on the humanas a runny, snotty,
>  stinging nodtril cold. Me heart bleeds for you, mateWhen any of the staff
>  come into my abodw sniffling and sneezing I suggest they piss off quick,
>  and take their poxy cold elsewhere.
>  Just waiting for the Dr to call. He will I hope demote me from being a
>  diabetic?
>  Spoke to mutts on the blower yesterday, She sounded quite jolly and on
>  the up. I’m glad to say. Sounded a bit hollow actually. Her voice echord
>  around the empty spaces in her lower body! ONY JOKIN! Don’t tell I saud
>  that, Talkin of empty spaces in a human body, I know where between me ears
>  is. When I saw all those beautifull foods you eat, one can only assome your
>  assole enjoys the better taste of living?
>  Cheers my little mate, looking forward to seeing you again. Cheers to the
>  Racist, Bitchcat. Luv ex yer Pa.XXXX

April 8, 2010

PHOTOFACE [TM]

Mrs Kipling just reminded me of something I had forgotten about!


The Original John Davidson that none of us know


The John Davidson with his own Fan club


Yours truly

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #33

YER FOLKS SNAIL MAIL!

The John Davidson Fan Club

Super thrilled to come back from Berlin to find a letter from The GA in the mail. Here he is in 1971 the year before I was born [about 43-44 years old] with his two best friends at the time, Sally the dog and Hypolate the cat. Apparently the cat would run down the hall when Dad came home from work, run up Dad’s suit and sit on his shoulder like a parrot. Obviously until it was time to sit on Sally’s belly while Dad chilled in a chair. I remember that top Dad has on in the picture. He still had it when I was a teenager. That kind of fabric that just goes on going on.

The John Davidson Fan Club

Included was a card to Feral – aka Hobart the cat. I didn’t read it properly at first, so didn’t pass on the info correctly to The Cardinal last night at El Parador [check lektrotour.workpress.com for food pics] but for those of you who need translation the card says:

FERAL
Just to prove I once had hair.

EMMA
Just in case youv  forgot!!

I wonder where he got the stickers from? There is a glittery cherry on the inside as well.

March 26, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #32

>  ——-Original Message——-
>  From: John Davidson <XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com>
>  To: Emma Davidson <XXCENSOREDXX>
>  Subject: RE: The pics you have all been waiting for
>  Sent: 26 Mar ‘10 03:01
>
>  How do you get your comp to print in blue. this one always prints black/
>  Just found your bosses email address, pure arse. Wehad tinned rasps in cold
>  carton custard, bloody terrible, so I thought to lookover some of your
>  creations to brighten my tastebuds/thoughts up a bit, and there was
>  your bosses Email! Fark
>  YER MOTHER SEEMSTO HAVE DISAPPEARED INTO THE BLUE, She only lives a cats
>  piss away but Aint seem her for a week. Still I rememberwhen I used to
>  visit her father, which evebtually became so hideously boring. the old man
>  snoring in his cair at 9a.m. in the morningand dribbling long greasyones
>  from his lips and snout. Fark old age is so unsjghtly. I only visited him
>  to pay him 25 shillings per week to be allowedto drive and upkeep his
>  Meteor car. I HADn’t the with to chargehim gararing fees,etc. I never liked
>  the old crunt so I am feeling that it is only fair to Rose I should allow
>  her the freedom to not come and waste her valuable Death notice searching
>  and weeding ‘our’ garden. Bollox ‘n’fark. Cheers to my two friends. Ihope
>  you check the freezer regularly?

March 14, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #31

Strike me luckyI remember the 48hour week. Befor your time kiddo and then the Unions got the wek back to a 5day week, LUXURY, MATE, SHEER IDLENESS FOR ALL OFsATDY, sUNDY, tHAT’S IF YOU CALL HOLDINGTHE BAR UP FOR MOST OF THE TIME. fAGS WEREONLY 11PENCE  a packa twentyPLAYERS and beer threepence a pint, AND YOU HAVE TO WORK five DAYS PER? wHAF does poor little FAERAL DO IN HER LONELY HOURS? I’M DEFINITELY LOSING IT , MATE ASNOTED BY THE INTRUSION OF THE cAPS lOCKQuite hot today,24degrees ‘C’ Milk intolerence is a curse. Trus me.Thank goodness for hot showers!Cheers mate, Sunday is such a boring day. Dad. XXXX

February 27, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #30

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 26 February 2010 23:45
To: Emma
Subject: RE: some more pics of all the same things

Yeah loneliness IS a curse in many ways. Irember living in Burnie(NTas) in a five roomed brick house I bought from a local baker. Prolly got some photos of it somewhere? Ifound one of a young lookin bloke of 51years holding his 2 bestess friends, sat sitting in an armchair THE cat, hypolyte, a Siamiese and A lABRADOR, sally-SILLY AS WHEEL BUT A GOOD MATE, i’ve told you before about Hippy, OPEN front door and Hippy would claim her spot, run up my suit and sit ou my shouldertil We wentto bed.YEAHMATE, FOR ALL YOUR MEMORIeS OF ME BEING ‘ORRIBLE TO ONE dog wotad just dug up me new plants, But Ive had some good anti-lonely pets Funny you saying you were 37, Whenever your age cimes up, I always think 31. Then I look at the pictures on the door and think I’ve made a mistake. You only look about 21.
The chances of winning 5000 bucks before you get here are about 14000000 to one. Pretty slim odds kiddo. bUT IF i can get the anti offa tight arse I’ keep trying. i’ll seeif I can swing a bit out o my’BURY ME ACCOUNT whic she has in my name and redirected from my pension,,
FARK, LIKE HER OLD MAN old bill used to have heart pangs opening his bowels a work out/
Got to gp kiddo..catch up with ya later. Luv yer aging pa, 37?

you look like a yong maidXXXXXX

February 18, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #29

Slow morning and taking the opportunity to check some emails on a laptop rather than my phone. The GA has finally made it out of bed into the computer room:

emmsie young mate. one, I DECIDED THE PRUNINING OF rose could wait another day, when they told me, the resident comp was up and running, so I thought i’d be sure to get a glimpse of morning tea from your e’mails? WHICH MAY i ADD ARE GETTING MORE GUT ENTICING AS YOU COOK? OR SHOULD ONE ASK ‘CREATE’?Bloody caps lock, OR MORE PERTINENTLY A WEAK BRAIN? w.f.brain?

If I don’t make reference to furry bottom she’ll prolly muck my computor up again!
How yer goin’ Hobart? Has the mistress stopped beating you yet? Wot are all those brown bruise marks on yer fur? Give ‘r a good scratch for me, duckie.
I’L EMAIL ANOTHER TOMORROW. IN PLACFE OF THE indescribably badly written effort I had started. Couldn’t take the chanceof your boss seeing what a dunce your father must be.
the young woman who overlooked my effort to write, who at 20 years had nevever seen a pen to write with before in her life, expressed considrable amazement when she saw the pen dipped in ink then leave readable marks on paper,
Then SHE SLID THE LUNCH TRAY TOWARD ME AND DEFTLY PUSHED THE INK BOTTLE OFF THE TABLE, Quink everywhere. She was stunned, ‘OH’ that’s what ink is’? Talk about dumb blondes, JESUS
Me back oesn’t like sitting up after 4 or 5 monts of lying down. Getting old kid, So’s yer mother, old and cranky, and meaner than her fsther. Still we won’t continue in that vein, nothing can be gained by complaning about the unchaingeable. I could give me ammunition for tomorrows effort, nearly hd another slight heart atack when the news showed the train crash in Belgium. I always have turulations when Europe gives nasty news.always wonder whre you were at the time,
Corned beef 4 lunch, Not a great meat eater cant’ stand the thought of the beasts previous slaughter, maybe I;ll grow up one dayy?
Cheers to u both. Fight te good fight, Give my regards to Mrs Danzer(?) spelling
luv from the old fella.XXXX

And then yesterday another one:

you ought to expand your cakeartby adding the odd symbol.Religious. Arsenal logo ‘We are the very best!, I think, or up yours, even just plain old bollox. tHAT WOULD MAKE EM COUGH ON fheir Maccafukkinroons. Just come in from the garden bit, working with no brace around me upper body. bit painful now. but every little helps to get a bit of strength and weight back. Down to 74 kilos at the moment. But finding it difficult to eat meat. THEA.B.C. Doco of Chine hanging beatifull dogs so their blood congeals in the meat, Made the meat sweeter for eating. mate. iFIND IT DIFFICULT TO PUT MEAT, any meat into my gutsfor the moment. TThat last pic of a ferraal was of Philippa’s black furry monster. Right?. i’ll have to dob you into Hoby. SeeYOU KID. HOPE YOUSE ALL KEEPING WELL? Luv ex yer DadXXXX

December 18, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB UPDATE


The GA, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

It was a horrid moment when I was in Melbourne at the airport and Mum text me to day Dad was having an operation and there was a strong possibility that he may die on the operating table. I really thought “FUCK I’m not going to make it.”

When we got to the hospital though, I should have known that of course the prick would make it. It was so weird to be standing next to his bed after coming so far hearing him say “Before they took me in for the op they told me that I might die. I seriously thought I would never see you again.” So if you want to talk about tears and emotions, all I can say is A LOT.


And then there were some LOLS.


Next day he was back in the home with a cup of tea and all that plastic tubing off. Irony of the situation is now I have a sore throat and headache so can’t go round to see him today.

I cooked him some Cardomom and Pistachio shortbreads though. Tomorrow will be macaroons.

Got to go though cause Mum is nagging me to get dressed. It’s quarter to four and I suspect she has a point. I’m going to Coles to get some prawns as big as my hands.

Kind regards

Yours Truly

xx Lektrogirl

November 26, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB ACCIDENT REPORT

Hi All. Just a quick note to say that John Davidson “just fell out of his wheelchair” the other night and broke his hip. I haven’t been able to speak to him myself to ascertain what exactly it was he was doing when he claims he “just fell out his wheelchair” that doesn’t involve a large amount of mischeif. I mean seriously there are only two options: speedracing/smash up derby OR trying to reach under some sheila’s skirt. Knowing Dad it could be either or both.

So now Dad has a rod in his hip and he is recovering in hospital. I am sure he is as grumpy and beligerant as ever. Long Live The G.A.!

xx Lektrogirl

September 8, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #27

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCESOREDXX]
Sent: 08 September 2009 05:06
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: MORE MACAROONS!

You could make a million bucks making macarroons like the ones in the email pics, Hotels, restaurantsets all the eating holes roundthe state,muckin fagnificent, mate. Even on the mainland. BUT w.t.f is a macaroon with pig init? IO have never seen macs with tomato etc in them.
I’m glad you told me it was a dog, I thought Hobart had gone through a sex change?
You must admit thise emails make more sense, relative to cost , for sure? My cost is at least $30′00 a month, 360 for the year, if I send you the money yeary the total saving would pay yer fare in two or three years. Nah. you’ld spend the money on a gold lead for the little free-loader.(free-UNloader on the carpet. Though I do remember the attachment I had for my Siamese cat (HYPOLYTE) when Iwas living on my own in Burnie. Also had me hound, Labrador, Sally. Effin idiot but they were good mates
They cot more than you think, when you add it all up. Vets fees, sleeping gear, best of foods. They prolly live better than us?
The Boss, Neree, just got back from African holiday. TODAY SHE GAVE ME A CARD SHE COULDN’T SEND THROUGH THE POST/ oNE ZEBRS READY TO SHOVE ABOUT A HALF YARD OF SNORKEL UP HIS MISS OF CHOICE. She coild be right. The old tarts would have had a heart attack, and some of the blokes a similar event, dying with envy. DISGUSTING!.
Cheers matey. Since when have you ever considered me the’boss’? That’l be the day you disrespectful shitpot.
\I got a pair of socks and a handerchief from the Sal Army. The card said You will be redeemed, for He knows your name.

He has to be pretty bloody good, mate I’ve had a few. Names that is, Johnathon Browne. John Alexander, Michael Patrick Byrne Long story mate. Stopped the law trackin you down. Sidestepped shielas who wanted to sue you for maintenance(maintainance)
etc.etc. Like I said, long stories, mate.
Cheers. Keep yer socks on. Treading in ’stuff’ can be nasty. Luv yer. S’Ted Pa.XXXXXX. 3FOR U 3 FOR PUFFY BUM.

Subject: MORE MACAROONS!
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 2009 18:26:10 +0100

The dog belongs to my other mate Mrs Kipling. Her dog is called Frieda.

EMMA DAVIDSON

xx Lektrogirl

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