Hello! Bonjour! Willkommen!

July 20, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #42

>  ——-Original Message——-
>  From: John Davidson <XXCENSOREDXX>
>  To: Emma Davidson
>  Subject: RE: mostly hobart
>  Sent: 20 Jul ‘10 04:25
>
>  Don’t know what Hoby is lying on, but it looks loke a tie? She and I
>  have the pattern in common. The pattern on my tea mug (Dilma tea of course
>  plucked by Virgin fingers on the tea plantations on Ceylon? I was on Celon
>  once on my way to AUS, went down to MOUNT lAVINIA, for some dopey reason
>  and whilsi enjoying the tranquility og the oceanic view a cow sidled upto
>  me, it was rear-end first, and emptied its friggin bowels all down my
>  strides and shiny shoes. So I gave it a hefty kick up the arse. Talk about
>  shite hitting the fan. a mob of irate Ceylonese gathered and threatened me
>  with all sorts of punishment? H.T.F. was I to know that cows were sacred
>  animals. I realy upset some prat who spoke English and therefore understood
>  my aside, “We wouldn’t even eat that underfed, skinny bastard in England”
>  I think half the small gathering crapped themselves, probably saying a few
>  words to their Cow God?  I gave myself the old Ace.King.Queen.Jack sign and
>  retired quite quickly.
>  . I was working on the Himalaya at the time, a PASSENGER SHIP OF GOODLY
>  GIRTH AND SOME 2000 Odd PASSENGERS, PLUS THE CREW MOST OF WHOM WERE Homos.
>  So all I could do was go back to a guiness or two and sundry proposals of
>  marriagefrom the willowy members of the crew, No wonder I jumped ship in
>  SydneyIcould regale your reader with furthe tales from the trip to Aus and
>  the eventual punishment for not paying your fare to Aus. The Judge was a
>  Chritian soul. H sentenced me to 21 days in Long bay jail, for breaking
>  ship’s articles Justice Murpphy. He was looking kindly at man who had done
>  pretty well during my 2 years evading the police and port authorities
>  looking for a psuedonymned Irishman with the assumed name of an IRISH
>  GUARDS MATE OF MINE FROM tHE Scots Guards Armoured division in which I
>  served during the war no 2, One Michael Patrick Byrne.  God helpus we ‘d
>  have drunk more Guiness in a night a Christian could have baptised the
>  bloody division of Guardsmen in!
>  Cheers my darling daughter. I am trying to win a lottery again so I can
>  afford to spend the last days of my life in the best city in the world. Luv
>  Yer Dad. and you you furry ferret little ponce. Jonnno.XXXXXX

June 10, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #39

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 08 June 2010 04:47
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: More food from paris

yeah. But the frog/snail eating poofs DO eat well. What were the two black thing looking like beetroots after the strawbs and rasps?Mind you I certainly rember being put offg frog shiels who smoked ‘Gooloise’ Dark black pubic hair by the looks of it
What deal did you strike with yer ma about the Science Magazine. ? She’s back from Sydney but living with her Sister. Piotto.. It’s a lonely job getting through one’s dying days. It’s called the way of life! Fark.
How’s the Spanish furball, Ferret?Cheers mate. Paris always reminds me of playing my Harmonica up on the CAFES OVERLOOKING THE sIENNE, and collecting ten franc note. Then sleeping on thei paving stones under the Pont Du Nord. Cold and farkin hard. BUT I was young then- abot thirty years I think. Even out in the bush the villages were great. Cheers again you pair of Londo livers. Luv yer Dad, No OTHER BASTARD DOES,xxxxxx

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 10 June 2010 04:26
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: More food from paris

If you had to eat the shite they serve up here, you wouldn’t torture a poor AGED man with such delicious food from Pae=ris. even if they do smell a bit!. luv yer pa and the ferret.

April 28, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB

Happy Birthday Pops.

Look at that face! So happy.

April 13, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #34

>  ——-Original Message——-
>  From: John Davidson
>  To: Emma Davidson
>  Subject: RE: BERLIN REPORT
>  Sent: 11 Apr ‘10 23:42
>
>  Sorry to hear about yer cold kiddo. It’s the curse of the modern world,
>  no doubt., NOTHING can have as much effect on the humanas a runny, snotty,
>  stinging nodtril cold. Me heart bleeds for you, mateWhen any of the staff
>  come into my abodw sniffling and sneezing I suggest they piss off quick,
>  and take their poxy cold elsewhere.
>  Just waiting for the Dr to call. He will I hope demote me from being a
>  diabetic?
>  Spoke to mutts on the blower yesterday, She sounded quite jolly and on
>  the up. I’m glad to say. Sounded a bit hollow actually. Her voice echord
>  around the empty spaces in her lower body! ONY JOKIN! Don’t tell I saud
>  that, Talkin of empty spaces in a human body, I know where between me ears
>  is. When I saw all those beautifull foods you eat, one can only assome your
>  assole enjoys the better taste of living?
>  Cheers my little mate, looking forward to seeing you again. Cheers to the
>  Racist, Bitchcat. Luv ex yer Pa.XXXX

April 8, 2010

PHOTOFACE [TM]

Mrs Kipling just reminded me of something I had forgotten about!


The Original John Davidson that none of us know


The John Davidson with his own Fan club


Yours truly

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #33

YER FOLKS SNAIL MAIL!

The John Davidson Fan Club

Super thrilled to come back from Berlin to find a letter from The GA in the mail. Here he is in 1971 the year before I was born [about 43-44 years old] with his two best friends at the time, Sally the dog and Hypolate the cat. Apparently the cat would run down the hall when Dad came home from work, run up Dad’s suit and sit on his shoulder like a parrot. Obviously until it was time to sit on Sally’s belly while Dad chilled in a chair. I remember that top Dad has on in the picture. He still had it when I was a teenager. That kind of fabric that just goes on going on.

The John Davidson Fan Club

Included was a card to Feral – aka Hobart the cat. I didn’t read it properly at first, so didn’t pass on the info correctly to The Cardinal last night at El Parador [check lektrotour.workpress.com for food pics] but for those of you who need translation the card says:

FERAL
Just to prove I once had hair.

EMMA
Just in case youv  forgot!!

I wonder where he got the stickers from? There is a glittery cherry on the inside as well.

February 27, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #30

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 26 February 2010 23:45
To: Emma
Subject: RE: some more pics of all the same things

Yeah loneliness IS a curse in many ways. Irember living in Burnie(NTas) in a five roomed brick house I bought from a local baker. Prolly got some photos of it somewhere? Ifound one of a young lookin bloke of 51years holding his 2 bestess friends, sat sitting in an armchair THE cat, hypolyte, a Siamiese and A lABRADOR, sally-SILLY AS WHEEL BUT A GOOD MATE, i’ve told you before about Hippy, OPEN front door and Hippy would claim her spot, run up my suit and sit ou my shouldertil We wentto bed.YEAHMATE, FOR ALL YOUR MEMORIeS OF ME BEING ‘ORRIBLE TO ONE dog wotad just dug up me new plants, But Ive had some good anti-lonely pets Funny you saying you were 37, Whenever your age cimes up, I always think 31. Then I look at the pictures on the door and think I’ve made a mistake. You only look about 21.
The chances of winning 5000 bucks before you get here are about 14000000 to one. Pretty slim odds kiddo. bUT IF i can get the anti offa tight arse I’ keep trying. i’ll seeif I can swing a bit out o my’BURY ME ACCOUNT whic she has in my name and redirected from my pension,,
FARK, LIKE HER OLD MAN old bill used to have heart pangs opening his bowels a work out/
Got to gp kiddo..catch up with ya later. Luv yer aging pa, 37?

you look like a yong maidXXXXXX

February 18, 2010

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #29

Slow morning and taking the opportunity to check some emails on a laptop rather than my phone. The GA has finally made it out of bed into the computer room:

emmsie young mate. one, I DECIDED THE PRUNINING OF rose could wait another day, when they told me, the resident comp was up and running, so I thought i’d be sure to get a glimpse of morning tea from your e’mails? WHICH MAY i ADD ARE GETTING MORE GUT ENTICING AS YOU COOK? OR SHOULD ONE ASK ‘CREATE’?Bloody caps lock, OR MORE PERTINENTLY A WEAK BRAIN? w.f.brain?

If I don’t make reference to furry bottom she’ll prolly muck my computor up again!
How yer goin’ Hobart? Has the mistress stopped beating you yet? Wot are all those brown bruise marks on yer fur? Give ‘r a good scratch for me, duckie.
I’L EMAIL ANOTHER TOMORROW. IN PLACFE OF THE indescribably badly written effort I had started. Couldn’t take the chanceof your boss seeing what a dunce your father must be.
the young woman who overlooked my effort to write, who at 20 years had nevever seen a pen to write with before in her life, expressed considrable amazement when she saw the pen dipped in ink then leave readable marks on paper,
Then SHE SLID THE LUNCH TRAY TOWARD ME AND DEFTLY PUSHED THE INK BOTTLE OFF THE TABLE, Quink everywhere. She was stunned, ‘OH’ that’s what ink is’? Talk about dumb blondes, JESUS
Me back oesn’t like sitting up after 4 or 5 monts of lying down. Getting old kid, So’s yer mother, old and cranky, and meaner than her fsther. Still we won’t continue in that vein, nothing can be gained by complaning about the unchaingeable. I could give me ammunition for tomorrows effort, nearly hd another slight heart atack when the news showed the train crash in Belgium. I always have turulations when Europe gives nasty news.always wonder whre you were at the time,
Corned beef 4 lunch, Not a great meat eater cant’ stand the thought of the beasts previous slaughter, maybe I;ll grow up one dayy?
Cheers to u both. Fight te good fight, Give my regards to Mrs Danzer(?) spelling
luv from the old fella.XXXX

And then yesterday another one:

you ought to expand your cakeartby adding the odd symbol.Religious. Arsenal logo ‘We are the very best!, I think, or up yours, even just plain old bollox. tHAT WOULD MAKE EM COUGH ON fheir Maccafukkinroons. Just come in from the garden bit, working with no brace around me upper body. bit painful now. but every little helps to get a bit of strength and weight back. Down to 74 kilos at the moment. But finding it difficult to eat meat. THEA.B.C. Doco of Chine hanging beatifull dogs so their blood congeals in the meat, Made the meat sweeter for eating. mate. iFIND IT DIFFICULT TO PUT MEAT, any meat into my gutsfor the moment. TThat last pic of a ferraal was of Philippa’s black furry monster. Right?. i’ll have to dob you into Hoby. SeeYOU KID. HOPE YOUSE ALL KEEPING WELL? Luv ex yer DadXXXX

December 18, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB UPDATE


The GA, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

It was a horrid moment when I was in Melbourne at the airport and Mum text me to day Dad was having an operation and there was a strong possibility that he may die on the operating table. I really thought “FUCK I’m not going to make it.”

When we got to the hospital though, I should have known that of course the prick would make it. It was so weird to be standing next to his bed after coming so far hearing him say “Before they took me in for the op they told me that I might die. I seriously thought I would never see you again.” So if you want to talk about tears and emotions, all I can say is A LOT.


And then there were some LOLS.


Next day he was back in the home with a cup of tea and all that plastic tubing off. Irony of the situation is now I have a sore throat and headache so can’t go round to see him today.

I cooked him some Cardomom and Pistachio shortbreads though. Tomorrow will be macaroons.

Got to go though cause Mum is nagging me to get dressed. It’s quarter to four and I suspect she has a point. I’m going to Coles to get some prawns as big as my hands.

Kind regards

Yours Truly

xx Lektrogirl

November 26, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB ACCIDENT REPORT

Hi All. Just a quick note to say that John Davidson “just fell out of his wheelchair” the other night and broke his hip. I haven’t been able to speak to him myself to ascertain what exactly it was he was doing when he claims he “just fell out his wheelchair” that doesn’t involve a large amount of mischeif. I mean seriously there are only two options: speedracing/smash up derby OR trying to reach under some sheila’s skirt. Knowing Dad it could be either or both.

So now Dad has a rod in his hip and he is recovering in hospital. I am sure he is as grumpy and beligerant as ever. Long Live The G.A.!

xx Lektrogirl

September 8, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #27

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCESOREDXX]
Sent: 08 September 2009 05:06
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: MORE MACAROONS!

You could make a million bucks making macarroons like the ones in the email pics, Hotels, restaurantsets all the eating holes roundthe state,muckin fagnificent, mate. Even on the mainland. BUT w.t.f is a macaroon with pig init? IO have never seen macs with tomato etc in them.
I’m glad you told me it was a dog, I thought Hobart had gone through a sex change?
You must admit thise emails make more sense, relative to cost , for sure? My cost is at least $30′00 a month, 360 for the year, if I send you the money yeary the total saving would pay yer fare in two or three years. Nah. you’ld spend the money on a gold lead for the little free-loader.(free-UNloader on the carpet. Though I do remember the attachment I had for my Siamese cat (HYPOLYTE) when Iwas living on my own in Burnie. Also had me hound, Labrador, Sally. Effin idiot but they were good mates
They cot more than you think, when you add it all up. Vets fees, sleeping gear, best of foods. They prolly live better than us?
The Boss, Neree, just got back from African holiday. TODAY SHE GAVE ME A CARD SHE COULDN’T SEND THROUGH THE POST/ oNE ZEBRS READY TO SHOVE ABOUT A HALF YARD OF SNORKEL UP HIS MISS OF CHOICE. She coild be right. The old tarts would have had a heart attack, and some of the blokes a similar event, dying with envy. DISGUSTING!.
Cheers matey. Since when have you ever considered me the’boss’? That’l be the day you disrespectful shitpot.
\I got a pair of socks and a handerchief from the Sal Army. The card said You will be redeemed, for He knows your name.

He has to be pretty bloody good, mate I’ve had a few. Names that is, Johnathon Browne. John Alexander, Michael Patrick Byrne Long story mate. Stopped the law trackin you down. Sidestepped shielas who wanted to sue you for maintenance(maintainance)
etc.etc. Like I said, long stories, mate.
Cheers. Keep yer socks on. Treading in ’stuff’ can be nasty. Luv yer. S’Ted Pa.XXXXXX. 3FOR U 3 FOR PUFFY BUM.

Subject: MORE MACAROONS!
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 2009 18:26:10 +0100

The dog belongs to my other mate Mrs Kipling. Her dog is called Frieda.

EMMA DAVIDSON

xx Lektrogirl

September 6, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #26

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 06 September 2009 04:48
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: the cardinal and i at the spatisserie at the dorchester

‘ere’s me, walked passed the Dorchester 4 million times in my earlier days, never put me foot inside the door. Never had the dosh, and me father would have kicked me arse for having thoughts above my station.
No wonder that Cardinal is a mate. Except for being slightly thinner faced she looks very much as you do. Long hair, brown?, good looking complexion, etc.etc. won’t continue. YOU will only accuse me of being a ‘dirty old man’
Anyhow, the tucker(can you call food of that standard ‘tucker’?) It looks fabulous. Seems a good place to move out of the daily tribulations of earing a living. You ought to take Hobart with you? Don’t be mean. slip him in yer carry bag/large purse and let him have a wander. Sorry HER. W.K.O.F. name is Hobart for a female?F.C.S.
Got an Email ex Sars today and she tells me there’s a parcell in the post, which I’ll prolly get to-morrow. She doesn’t know I know it’s seeds so I can plant things to remind me of you lot. I have planted cuttings of Roses, Iceberg and Bridal shower for your reminder. BIG Sharpish tasting radishes for me. Can’t tell wot I’m putting in for the kids and Sars till I get the package tomorrow.. The prickles on the roses will be for Pussie!.
Look after yorself Kiddo. Winter’s on it’s way. Keep away from any fukka who has a runny nose or is sneezing. Swine Flu is a bastard. Bad for yer health.Cheers from yer old Dad. Since The Cardinal makes you happy, say hullo to her from me.

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 06 September 2009 04:55
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: my cooking – macaroons

P.S. Your cooking you faggot? You nicked them from them from the Dorchester. You ought be doing Nigella Lawson’s job on T/Vif that’s really your cooking. Fark. They look delicious mate. Cheers again. Poppa.xxxx

August 10, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #25

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 10 August 2009 02:14
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: FW: THE WEDDING INVITATION

Have you been very busy. Accounts usually are at this time of year profits and loss, and how much interesr is dead stock eating into the profits? Been there, done that kid. And those in the top echelon usually look down at the accountant as if it is her /his fault the sales div didn’t unload?But that was yesterday mate. Haven’t had a text lately so you have either been experimenting with cocktails or something similar or just plain tired from business?
Yer ma came to lunch on Saturday/ Chicken and veg hot pot, which she seemed to enjoy. The other blokes at the table seem to enjoy her wittering. and she usually bring me a walnut sticky-bun. Which I swear is good for my mental health.
Been off crook for a week, Effin Flu and congestion. Sometimes you go to sleep and hope for the inevitable sooner rather than later?
How’s His Majesty , THE CAT? Bowels workin well? Actually the smell of the urine of a Tom is the most pervasive stench in a house. Try to catch him in the spot he empties has bladder. or BUY A LARGEST BIRDCAGE YOU CAN FIT ON YOUR WINDOWSILL AND SHOVE THE SCRAWNY LITTLE FUCKER IN THERE WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO OUT(WITH A BIT OF TUCKER AND H2O) of course. I would like ti print my usual expletive about CapsLqck. But I won’t.
Look after yourself matey. I get worried when I don’t hear from you for a few days. Episodes like the Kings Cross affair, make my bowels rumble Cheers mate. Lolve from yer errant father!XXXX

August 3, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #24

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 03 August 2009 07:58
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: your photos.

god luv us, you are a tall girl. And may I add pretty good looking. AND anyone would know who yer good lookin’ pa is!!!!!! I’l try to print them off for my “Art gallery” Thass my eldest daughter. She’s me mate. Put that in Diddong’s bum and smoke it. Just come in from m y postrage stamp sized garden. Put a little wooden shelf up outside my window for the birds, water and a bit of tucker. Just like any silly old man does. usually when there are no humans with enough wit around the place , birds make more sense. Being a bloke and your father I’ve never looked at your legs as things of beauty. However you’ve a got a fine pair of legs duckie. And I’ve got a photo to prove it, Wait til I show them to the Bishop. Cheers yer pa,XXXX
Your mum gave me a bit of a warning the other day. “I’m not paying money to have you buried” Oh ses I. coon’t give a stuff I’ll be dead. So she is taking another bit off the one eighth of a pension I am allowed and saving it in a debit account. Got 2000.00 bucks so far. She will need about 6 thou. I told her to get a cardboard coffin and paint it white. No bastard would know it ain’t cedar. only the poor bastards carrying it. Got to come one day. kiddo. I’ll be able to find out what it’s all about
Cheers mate. Keep on keepin on having a bit of fun out of life while you’re young. I did so I cunt grumble now. eh?
Cheers. kick dingdong up the bum for me. I luv thr scrawney little turkey gobbler. LUVyer DadXXXXXX

> From: ME
> To: MY FAMILY
> Subject: RE: Emailing: P8010086
> Date: Sun, 2 Aug 2009 09:13:33 +0100
>
> These are from when we had dinner all the girls the other night and then we
> went back to sarah lee’s house and played with her dog.
>

FYI: Gross about the legs thing from your own father!

xx Lektrogirl

April 7, 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB LONG OVERDUE

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 31 March 2009 00:31
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: Me at sarah lee’s house

still haven’t seen your sarahlee’s house photos. your mother has got a new comp, maybe she hasn’t transfered them. F.K.

yOUR SISTER EMAIED ME THE OTHER DAY that tho the dy was sunny in D’port, you could feel that winter fingers were touching one’s bones with icy undercurrents. Today I know what she meant. Was bloody cold out in the garden patch thisa.m.. Except today is accreditation day for the home, they check the answer to the question, ‘is the government money being spent wisely?. If it weren’t for prying bodies snooping around I’d be in bed. MAYBE THIS ARVO? on IT. nEEDless to add, companionless!
What’s with you and your ever-changing admirers? French. German? Celonese? LOOK AT THESE? Life is so boring I think the altenative can’t be any the worse. I guess I’ ll see soon enough/ Cheers. yer pa.xxx

# # # # # # # # # #

From: John Davidson
Subject: RE: Me at sarah lee’s house
Sent: 02 Apr ‘09 00:59

got the pics ofyou at the tucker at Sara Lees house. Gawd help us I’d eat tht beatifull looking food offa baby’s nappie. I haven’t had a real belly-full of ‘ real ‘for farkin yonks. O nly SAlly Ann shit which is crossed turds on a plate with freckles on them, the farkin smell is crook, I tell yer.
Get talkin’ to the wall paper and msake yer poor ol’ Dad a happier man!Luv yah. Pops.XXXX

# # # # # # # # # #

> ——-Original Message——-
> From: John Davidson
> Subject: RE: Me at sarah lee’s house
> Sent: 19 Mar ‘09 00:45
>
> Ain’t caught up with ma this week. Saturday prolly. When she brings the
> paper(W.E,Australian when we attempt the crossy. We must be getting older,
> for we cannot do as much of as once we did. Sorry y’r tired. It’s a bit of
> a bastard when y’r young you have to spend such a lot of energy just to
> keep up! Ave another effi beer. Guiness for St Pat’s day. What beats me St
> Pat was a Welshman who went to Ireland (Omagh) to spread the word. Yet an
> irishman would bang you in the lughole if you reminded them of that FACT
> Your great grandparents were Irish, from Dublin. Which might account for
> yer screwball father’s antics? See yer. my dear girl. How about that git
> who gave his Daughter, 7 children. Fark. He was Austrian. So was Hitler,
> and he definitely WAS a nutter. Heil Hitler Luv from yer pops.

# # # # # # # # # #

> ——-Original Message——-
> From: John Davidson
> Subject: RE: Last night’s supper part one
> Sent: 15 Mar ‘09 23:54
>
> per the re: three parts. thereis nowt on the input on this comp. Sorry
> to say

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