November 15, 2008
July 21, 2008
It is no secret – I have been really vile lately. To everyone. To myself. To one person in particular who I think the world of and I have been a TOTAL loser. To other people who I have met along the way and really wasn’t thinking clearly. I can’t scrub any of that out. I wish I could. But I’m so like Cher on a warship right now you’d be like confused as to who was who. You Get Me?
So what changed? Well having someone unhappy with me really wasn’t a good look. But waking up and feeling homesick and hung over and dreading another day unfolding. It felt like a long time ago. I really thought those days were far behind me. The turning point came when Fambles came over and watched TV with me. I did nothing but lie there while Fambles watched some show about the pilgrimage to Mecca. We didn’t speak. Then today was the cure: I got the opportunity to have a big cry in an office with a man I just met [I don't know why - I always find men easier to talk to, especially strangers] and then I scooted off into town to meet Fambles again and go shopping. It was so good to have some serious old jokes times on a spiritual level.
I just tried to explain two of the best jokes from the day and one involved preferring to get AIDS than have unprotected sex and the other about a guy with a camo backpack who walked past us. Neither joke translates at all.
So yeah, the storm is over for now. I’ve been a dick. I was totally why u onnu bad mind? Like totally getting your period in a posh pair of expensive knickers. The worst. [This did not actually happen - it was an allegory: i.e. ON A PAR]
June 1, 2008
Here is the latest tip from Sara T that I want to post on the first day of summer here in the UK and dedicate to all the men in my life – I think there is a role in this video for all of you:
March 29, 2008
If there was ever any doubt in your minds before, here is the evidence that Cardinal and I 100% cell block girlfs from the wrong side of the border.
P.S. Full report from the weekend activities after I have finished designing a splash page for a website I’m working on.
October 26, 2007
God I have been so miserable lately finding out about big lies and little lies from little people who can’t keep their big mouths shut. [What goes around comes around.] On to more positive vibes, what a gorgeous surprise to see the pictures Cardinal took the other day and me looking so happy! Here is a very rare picture of me SMILING with a ginuwine face having a happy time doing happy things. Thank fuck I am normal after all.
And as I have been reminded that my mother reads my blog when we had big chats on the phone this morning [she was telling me all about my sister's new job as a swimming teacher] and mum also commented on my pink nipples in some picture [shame] I thought I best put some more pics up of me just for her. With my clothes on.
This is me in a club Mum. What I am doing with my hand is called “throwing signs”. What this one means is “2 in the pussy [vagina] and 1 in the bum”. I don’t actually know if that just means with fingers or dicks, but either way it purile and funny and I even taught Katharine Hamnett how to do. FYI Mum I never had sex with more than one person at once so I could have only ever acheived this with the fingers but to tell you would be TMI. [see note below.]
Tek Weh Yuself!
Here is me in the same club later in the night Mutts. [Everyone else - Mutts is the name I call my mother.] I am saying “You Get Me?” to Philippa. Which means “Are we on the same wavelength?” I was only a little bit drunk that night and I didn’t “Get my rocks off” as you used to say about cousin James going to Amsterdam. Oh no actually the next day I ended up puking once in a saucepan and Nameless had to come over with a loaf of bread cause I was too ill to get any food. He actually ate most of the bread cause I couldn’t and shaped the loaf into an Oriental slipper for me. I must have been pretty wasted. Not as bad though as in my youth when you took me to the doctor for the injections to stop puking. Oh God. That was bad.
TMI = Too Much Information. Here is an amazing conversation which used TMI to great advantage and works some graet TMI extras in too!
him 22:10:16: GROSSSS I dont imagine its like this at all
him 22:10:39: haha oh man next time i see him all ill be able to think will be
me 22:10:40: this video is the last way on earth i would want to bang
him 22:10:41: XXCENSOREDXX
me 22:10:45: XXCENSOREDXX
him 22:10:53: XXCENSOREDXX
him 22:10:58: omg
him 22:10:59: just FYI
him 22:11:09: im not one of these people whos like TMI
him 22:11:21: or DID *NOT* WANNA KNO THAT
him 22:11:23: but if i was was
him 22:11:32: id be like doing TMI cartwheels right now
him 22:11:47: TMI fukin firework show
me 22:11:51: HAHAHAHA
me 22:12:14: ROTFLOL
him 22:12:35: anyway i dunno if ill be able to look at him in the same way (neutral)
me 22:12:46: and it is so funny cause the neighbourhood bad boyz are letting off crackers now
P.P.S. For reference, this is the video we are talking about:
WHAT A HO!! This is the worst song and video ever and makes me want to puke.