Friday, 26 December 2008


When Daniel Lee smashed one of my Babycham glasses this year he didn’t forget too soon I don’t think. When I smashed on of my shot glasses this morning, that were from when I lived with Kate and Noor, I realised I was in deep shit when I realised I had to change the vacuum cleaner bag and seriously… one of my most dreaded tasks ever, along with cleaning the filter on the washing machine. It has something to do with my father being a vacuum cleaner salesman when I was a child and giving himself a cold sore after doing something with the pipe. So hunched over the vacuum cleaner this morning with a silk scarf bandanna I looked at the last years dead skin cells, food scraps, hair and polystyrene bits billowing out across the kitchen and lolled that yerrrr I am finally an ‘adult’.

There are probably plenty of you that are still watching TV on Boxing day getting your mum to fix you a glass of coke and a packet of Tim Tams or I guess here it is scoffing your way through another Terry’s Chocolate Orange and getting over the chagrin of receiving only £20 in your Nan’s Christmas card cause the door entry at the Macbeth is like £6 now and surely going up to £7 in the New Year. Well that isn’t me any more. And I feel smug, but I am paying penance by feeling the urge to clean my one bedroom flat with garden in zone 2 within walking distance to The Heath and tube station and all other local amenities today of all days. [As a side note, any twenty something year old guys who are at their parents house today, please feel free to still get my math and hook up. I’m not saying I am leaving that life behind YGM?!]

But back to the cloud of tuberculosis making particles – watching them sent me into a kind of spin – the same way thinking about disaster loves makes my lungs strangle into the back of my throat and think ‘How the fuck did I get here?’ which is a question I seem to ask myself every other moment of every single day and a repeated theme on my blog. The same question I ask God [or insert whoever – it might as well be R Kelly or Google] when I go to sleep at night. It is the same question I ask when I flip through one amateur porn pic after another for and the same question I ask myself every day when I sit down at my desk to start work for the day. In fact, it might be a more challenging task to think of the moments when I am not thinking this very question. Maybe when I settle down to watch yet another Law and Order marathon. Is it just me or is Jeremy Sisto kind of hot?

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

A day of video editing and I can’t look at another writhing pseudomoerotic black man in tight undies wrestling with another. What was it Valeria said to me: You think too much. But you know what I think right now? I want to walk deep deep into the forest to scream and scream and scream.

Oui Mathieu je suis trop heureuse et je suis trop triste.

But it is cold and dark and I want to see my breath like fire.

xx Lektrogirl


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7 January 2009 07:38  

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