Sunday, 16 March 2008


Well the other night was Abbie and Lee's going away party before they move to Berlin at the end of the week. I was sexual as ever.

Sadie, Cardinal and I say cheese but in our hands you can see two glasses of Millers Gin. Thanks to Cardinal, my life is changed. The world's best gin. I didn't even have a hangover or cry one self pitying tear. Maybe it wan't gin but pure liquid delight!

When I look at pictures of myself like this I see why I have developed The PhotoFace [TM]. Here Richard and I are imagining all the deviant positions Cardinal was being lured into with the array of men and couples who were coming up to her and buying her drinks. NONE of our scenarios were as bizarre as to what happened to me later in the evening.

One guest of the party, let's call him Alexander, arrive with three friends. One of the friends was a beautiful Polish girl, who's name I never found out. She was dressed in a look I would describe as Matisse Woman in a Red Room vs. Ken Done in silks and and a fake fur. So for the purpose of this story, her name is Matisse. There was another girl, who was dressed all in black with bright red lipstick. Her nose was a bit hooky. Her name can Meredith. She is also Polish so probably that wasn't her name. I could not tell which girl was Alexander's girlfriend - Matisse or Meredith. One minute he was dirty dancing with one, the next minute with the other, then the girls were kissing passionately on the lips. The last of the group, a very tanned French man in a grey woollen waistcoat with an incredible double zipper pocket detail was from Nice and Cannes but he was sick of it there. He told me my hair needed cutting. I just needed to go to the salon and ask for the French one. He was the only French guy there. Then it seemed that Meredith was his girlfriend - the were kissing and dancing. Meredith leaned in and told me that she had only met the French man that day. Matisse came from the bathroom with a bow of toilet paper around her head. She sat next to me and we began to talk. She asked Meredith if she was a bitch. Meredith replied how sweet she was and began stroking her hair. The pair of them kissed again. Matisse told me that Meredith was her sister. Then Alexander came over and Matisse had her hand up his top, while Meredith had her hand down his pants. They left, then Matisse returned to tell me how lovely it was to meet me. As I had no intention of becoming a fifth in their group I said 'Yes' and nothing more. But laughed to myself about how I attract these crazy people whenever I am around Lee and Abbie... A nice well brought up girl like me...

I was pleased to find out that my Bettina Rheims La Chambre Close book was now worth a lot of money. So I decided against pulling some pages out to frame and put on the wall. I will make a trip to the photocopy shop with it instead.

My four year old niece has started taking pictures herself. Here is a portrait of her two year old brother Tom:

She is also adding make up artistry to her CV:

And the last news from home, other than my father calling me a fucking Punjabi via SMS the other day [today he told me to tell my evil fork tongued mother to get fucked... such a charmer...] is Sam has lost his two front teeth.

Oh God - it feels like 4am and it is only 9.30pm

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 30 April 2007

Meet my family

I woke up this morning feeling a bit odd. Now I felt properly ill but I think that is because the first thing I ate was the last of the bag of cheese Twisties I started last night.

Yesterday I went round to Barrington to visit Dad and have a morning coffee with him. This is Dad's room:

Dad used to be in another home called The Gardens that had women as well as men staying there. Barrington used to be just for guys and now there are a few women there. Dad hated The Gardens cause he hated all the old women. Some of them had amputated legs. His major gripe with the old women was that they only had their illnesses to talk about - he'd be trying to eat his dinner and some old bird would start going on about her bowel cancer. He really became unhappy there. Once Dad got moved to Barrington he got much better. He runs the tuck shop [he doesn't serve anyone who dribbles and gives chocolate away to the little kids visiting their grandparents] has his own garden and has a best friend called Max. Like Dad, Max has had a stroke but he is still able to walk pretty easily, unlike Dad. Max's biggest problem is that he cannot read or write anymore or say anything else other than "Yep" or "No". The pair of them are hilarious.

This is a rare picture of my father without his mobile phone in his good hand.

After visiting The G.A. Mum and I went to the New Town Nursery cause she wanted to look for some plants. We walked home along the bike track which runs parallel with the train tracks that run directly behind my old house. On the way, I saw this:

and had to take some time to explain to my mother what a bong is.
She said "Oh it is one of those things druggies use."
I said, "Yeah but people who use bongs aren't really druggies Mum."
She said "Yes I suppose it is all those people in those third rate countries use them."
I said, "Don't you mean third world?"
After that I didn't really know what to say next. I think she meant hooka pipes. But Lord only knows really.

This is my mum:

I think I will get the bus into town later to see how little everything has changed. Tomorrow we are going to Launceston to see my sisters new house and see my neice and two nephews. This is what the oldest, Sam, and I did when I saw him last year.

What a retard! But a cute one.

xx Lektrogirl

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