Sunday, 31 August 2008

IMPROV GONE WRONG?

Got I get onto YouTube today and it recommends a video to me that is just like watching myself in another 10 - 15 yers... hell maybe 5 if someone throws acid in my face.



She has a better body than me.

I have to say that for the time being I cannot bare to look at gash being held open with craggy fingers for a fat husbands delight any longer so I won't be updating lameatnames.com for the time being - it will all be Valeria. I know that it is in good hands. I bet the the lady dancing in the video also has her own Flickr page. YGM.



She also does Haddaway what is love. Fellas imagine giving her a ride...

Anyway I'm cooking roesti right now which need my attention.

OH SHIT forgot to say - in the tragic mind of a sad and lonely blogger such as myself who can't help but occasionally tease someone. I am personally a big fan of Prancehall's blog just for the record even thought he hates me.

Anyway check this post: little-uk-rap-blast-from-past

I have to admit

Anonymous said...

the best things on your blog you nick from other people. lucky you sit at home all day surfing the net or you'd have no content at all.
2:12 AM


Was me. I was rotfling when I wrote it and didn't realise Pranny was going to have a little pebble in his pants over it like someone on the planet mu forum. I'm sorry.

xx Lektrogirl

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MY GIFT TO PHIL






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FROM MANARA'S FLICKR


, originally uploaded by s manara.

Saturday, 30 August 2008

BEDROOMS ON SATURDAY

I'm in my bed in my bedroom minding my own beeswax having to put up with the neighbours loud music through the wall to the left of my and alfresco dining drifting in through the window behind me. It wouldn't be so bad if the music wasn't so random - one minute metal and the next minute Shirley Bassey. Today I was also in the Cardinal's bedroom checking out a dehumidifier and damp patches on the walls. A few days ago I was in The Trolls bedroom putting up shelves. I think of all the bedrooms I have ever been in. Some of them were revolting. Some of the bedrooms I have seen on Flickr looking for porn picks for lameatnames.com have been mind boggling.

Oh great - something like Cold Play on now. That noonie Chris Martin has a lot to answer for. Oh no - hang on I think it is a woman singing... Fuck me. Horrid either way.

I spent a while talking to Valeria on Facebook today. She makes me laugh! I made a great joke today as well but I can't remember it. How lame is that? Thankfully it wasn't the greatest achievement of the day otherwise I would be totally lost right? Today's achievement was a Figue Galette. Though I didn't eat it - I'm saving it till tomorrow. Today I ate the banana one which was super sweet and a bit weird but I love banana.

God - I'm covered in too many mosquito bites and am too itchy to be bothered trying to string together more of a conversation with you. I just have to sleep and wait for it to go away.

xx Lektrogirl

SATURDAY


., originally uploaded by sweet distin.

Thursday, 28 August 2008

DEATH BAG

Sorry about the boob everybody but while browsing Flickr for more pictures for lameatnames.com I came across this beautiful picture - not cause of the girls, or their clothes or the tit hanging out, the nature strip or the houses or the cars - but because the blond girl is clutching what is commonly known from my part of Australia as "A Death Bag". It is one of the inner bags from a cardboard cask of wine - and that's how we do at parties back at home. The silver one's are cooler than the clear plastic ones [they look like colostomy bags] but either way, whatever is in them has so many preservatives in the 'wine flavoured drink' [lolz] that the morning after you feel like fucking death. Hence the name. You Get Me?!



Yesterday as I said the Troll came over and did my garden. It was amazing. In two hours the Troll totally changed the whole place. I keep looking at it in surprise - it is so incredible! But whatever happened in the garden yesterday has meant that a huge number of insects have come inside [are they angry?!] and I woke up this morning itching like crazy. Then I packed my record back full of tools and screws and DIY stuff and trundled round to the Troll's grotto and put some shelves up. I can't tell you how great these last two days have been. I mean - I'm totally broke right now and have been working super hard at my job and keeping myself in line - there are a lot of things I could be miserable about. But then these simple pleasures come along... I'm really getting old right?! Only I'm now covered in another set of itchy bites this time from being shut in the cupboard doing these shelf things...

I went to Mc Donalds for dinner tonight because I was too knackered to do anything else. It was a big treat - I had a 6 nugget meal with OJ and curry sauce plus a cheeseburger on the side. Thank Allah there was actually an burger in there this time. Last time I was there, I got a cheese burger with ONLY CHEESE in it!! The shame!!



Seriously looking like this I knew I was gonna spend the night alone. Anyway while I was there, three youths came in and as one of them was ordering, one of the trio 'lighthoused' him so he was standing there in just his boxers with his trackie dacks round his ankles. Massive LOLZ.



Here is the Tarte Tartin thing I cooked yesterday. It is massive mauled cause already a lot got eaten and then I kept picking at it. But yerrr it was good.

Sorry I'm talking bullshit now. Yerrr so that is a deathbag!

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 27 August 2008

WATCH OUT I'M COMING


Rehearsal for war, originally uploaded by Beniah Brawn.

My garden looks amazing. I will take a picture later. My pear tarte tartin wasn't perrrrfect but it was pretty good! We ate it too quick for a picture. DIY day - totally perfect. I'm ready for you. So get outta my way. Do it. Do it.

xx Lektrogirl

THURSDAY NIGHT



The best part of the night at the George and Dragon is when Madame [Pippa] takes off the headphones and sings a number. The second best part of the night is the Koko Kanu and Coke.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 25 August 2008

LAMEATNAMES.COM

At last, an arena for posting all my Internet intimate pictures. Everytime I put pics on here I get told by everyone "I CAN'T LOOK AT THAT AT WORK!!!" so instead, there is now a dedicated website to forlorn desire, absurd nudity and heartbreaking loneliness. There is a lot in the bin there.

http://www.lameatnames.com

BOOKMARK IT! V and I will be continually updating the site with new pictures when we can. V is based in Paris. I have never met her. We both like to be bitten. We both had sex with the Parisian Jew.

And yerrr take care. Definitely not suitable for work.

xx Lektrogirl

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DOWN TIME GOOD VIBES

The weekend hasn't been too hyped yet at the same time I've been having some of the best times ever. Because of this when something bummery has happened it has been so "Water off a ducks back why don't you get off the phone and stop wasting my life?" and therefore no drama. Really incredible.

On Friday night I spent HOURS with Mr Chips shopping Balenciaga shirts online with him, cooking him a dinner that redeemed me from the macaroni cheese and fish fingers anomaly fiasco a few weeks previously and then making dog masks and polystyrene regal dog accessories as I previously mentioned.



There was one lethal moment when one of these sausages exploded as Mr Chips pierced it with his fork squirting hot fat almost into his eye. I really laughed though Mr Chips did have problem seeing the funny side to that. I didn't tell him that they were the same size as the man I slept [I mean ASLEEP there btw] with who had the smallest penis ever. This lead to an online conversation with Jappers where we both concluded that giving brain while the guy holds your head is a total turn off and it just makes you feel totally inadequate and want to give up. So guys out there: totally unsexy - don't do it.



On Saturday we actually shot the video for Woof Acid - a Ceephax Acid Crew track on Kingsland Road and in Abney Cemetery. Super fun. The video is going to be great. It stars Peaches Geldof's dog Snowy! Her you can see Jappers holding the tiny dog aloft while Mr Chips has out his 16mm camera.

Then on Sunday, I went and saw The Cardinal. I had to collect my records from the night I left them there after I got mugged - which was WEEKS ago. As soon as I saw the case I remembered why. It was so fucking heavy. We decided to go to WORK IT and I had on the outfit I had worn round to The Cardinals which was incidentally my pyjamas from the night before anyway.



Here is a really attractive picture of me by The Air COmmodore who has three sleeps and 8 wanks left if everything we calculated was true last night before he goes to Canada!!!

WORK IT was pretty good times. There was one really banging set of music which included She's Got That Vibe. Shortly after when the music got too Backpacker Hip Hop for me BDL turned up and I got to laugh at him for saying he would never go to WORK IT and there he was. The Cardinal and I busted loose shortly after that though cause it was pretty boring by then. AND THEN we got to play in the cab office around the corner which was probably the high point of the evening. Sad but true. I was loving it.







Yerrr so anyway, tomorrow work, Wednesday a friend is coming over to work in the garden with me - SO EXCITED. The best treat ever. I can't tell you how much I'm going to love this. The best ever.

xx Lektrogirl

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #16 or so

It's a dog's life...




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 24 August 2008 04:57
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: Your unhappy news.


What a nuisance, for want of a better word. What stupid events has she perptrated to get herself in the dido? Nothing you can do to turn her around? XXCENSOREDXX If you were here in Tas then I could sign over my half of the house, then you could use it as security on a bank loan to create a busines here? Fark knows. Then again you aren't in a very receptive frame of mind after such bad news.
Keep pecking kid. it ain't the last job in the world.
Makes me think of Melbourne many years ago. Down to me last 8 bob. Bought a paper and applied to be Salesman for Dalgety's. Luck would have the Manager, Arthur Pattinson, ask me if I followed the footy. I answered , yes. Carlton. Arthur glowed and sai,"Good I'm a Drector for Carlton. Stood me in good stead for the next 12 years. as you know, or may remember?
Think lucky girl. There's always a bit of luck around the corner. Like you always say,"what goes around comes around." Mine is" Think lucky. You'll be lucky!" Though the golden eagle doesn't shit too often 0ut of the Lotteries. Strike me lucky. I only want a million to get us started'
See yer kiddo. Chun up and tell t.t.f.themselves.paXXXX

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If anyone else was having a bummed out moment, please feel free to take some of my Dad's advice for yourselves. There is plenty of The G.A.'s vibes to go around.



xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 23 August 2008

LOVE BOOK

So much to tell everyone but no time to tell it right now. Instead check this Chinese LOVE BOOK.

xx Lektrogirl

Friday, 22 August 2008

CHRISTMAS ALONE


, originally uploaded by sasha_miike.

OLD FRIENDS


P5040013, originally uploaded by cphbrains.

Sometimes you get to see a picture of your old friends and it reminds you of good times over the years and make you laugh and laugh and laugh.

WORD!

xx Lektrogirl

Thursday, 21 August 2008

CAT IN A PETROL CAN


, originally uploaded by sannah kvist.

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Wednesday, 20 August 2008

DAY OFF

And what a day. Still broke and waiting for pay day I went back into town cause the guy at the Leicester Square Timpsons failed to cut a key correctly and I needed him to do it again. The key he cut as a replacement also didn't work. I hate him. He looks like a large version of the boot makers elves crossed with something out of A League of Gentlemen or something with brown gack all over his glasses. I also visited the Photographer's Gallery which wasn't a lot, then went and had a piece of rhubarb tart at PAUL and a really horrid coffee. After that I went into an antique etching and print place and asked the nerdy guy "I'm looking for pictures of naked ladies or tea parties." I mean what else would I want? A 'Negro' boxer, a prize winning horse or a battle scene - hardly. Anyway the poor guy blushed his face off and couldn't even bring himself to to say 'naked ladies' to his female boss [I bet he is big into vintage porn]. She sent me off to Cecil Court where I found some amazing plant lithographs and maps of Tasmania from the olden days. I didn't buy anything though. I will definitely go back though. I couldn't help but think of the rude man in Paris who has the shop selling old photographs in is it the Marché des Enfants or something? I so feel a trip to Paris coming soon.

Anyway - got home, had a nap but got woken by Superduck asking me about the name of a Café in Paris - which apparently has great hot chocolate. I don't even drink hot chocolate. Then OMG who should appear online by my old friend Noodles who I was able to swap some timely gossip with about one of the more highly strung ex's of my days and a lot of snorting ROLFing done on my part. Noodles also gave me the missing link to a mystery I have been trying to investigate for the last couple of weeks. So I was straight back on the phone to Superduck who could make like Craig David and Fill Me In. Superduck could assure me that XXCENSOREDXX is a piece of work and XXCENSOREDXX only goes for trophy men. HAHA. Good luck to XXCENSOREDXX then. To wind up the conversation, Superduck then went to tell me he wanted to jizz on Maude's face cause she is so cute, sweet, innocent and lovely [it is his cat] and take picture of it. Cool. Thankfully though he sent a text later telling me that even though he was trying hard and was thinking of XXCENSOREDXX Maude's little furry face really put him off and he couldn't do it.

And to put the lid on the day, Mr Chips has been making me a couple of videos on Facebook after we told each other to 'Get Fucked' the other day. In one of them he sang a little song along with what he calls his 'Paedo iPhone Piano' where he said I was like a cat stuck in a petrol can. Which I thought was a very accurate description of me sometimes - I can be that prickly.

All in all I have really enjoyed my day off. I hope to goodness that Oscar is in the office tomorrow. He is the cutest dog in the world.



I have worked in some offices where there have been dogs that have been nothing but trouble - pissing and shitting on the floor, constantly barking, biting people, chewing up staff's belongings - really badly trained dogs. Oscar on the other hand is just perfect! He has such a lovely nature and he is so friendly I love it when he sits at my desk and does my work for me. And I am going to see him tomorrow.

Oh cool - I just got another video from Mr Chips. He told me he is going to shoot me in the face and stab me in the cunt! Mr Chips really puts boys like Prancehall back in the playground when it comes to beef.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 19 August 2008

LOVING MYSELF


Loving Myself, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

Yes pretty cool today. Also, I created my own Facebook Application today called CONTEMPORARY ART. For dinner I ate the last of the roast pork belly with some potato roesti. I watched the third episode of CSI Miami today. I put the heating on. Can you believe it? Then I went through all my desktop and random folders and realised I have quite a collection of great Flickr Porn now. I can't wait for Valeria to come to London in September so we can discuss such matters. I hope she likes to sit around and do nothing as much as I do. I am already thinking about what I will do for Christmas - it looks like tickets to Australia are £1600 - a £400 increase on last year. So maybe I will go for my birthday or something which is half the price. But still - Christmas alone in London. Thank Allah for all the Muslims who have chicken shops that are open on Christmas day or WTF would I eat?

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 18 August 2008

8:30PM FEELING LIKE 2:00AM



By the end of the day today I was totally starving and I got the C2 bus home from Oxford Circus like greased lightening cause I knew what I had in the fridge. As you can see in the picture above, here is the leftover's from the lunch on Sunday I made that I was bragging about. Everything on the plate tasted even better after a day to marinade in the own juices and I fried the pork again and hot it was EVEN better. I think it would be great hot with puy lentils etc. Will definitely make that again.



On the way to Ladurée the other day, I saw Barbara Windsor get out of a taxi and I swear she had a chicken head! It was really good. She was also wearing mega heels and in all light coloured clothing. What a woman. Later that afternoon I saw that REALLY tall guy from The Office with his short girlf walking down Wardour Street. Hmmm... when was that? Thursday maybe on my way to the George and Dragon to the launch party for Paul Gorman's / Nigel Waymouth's / Granny Takes A Trip / The Look Presents t-shirt range for TOPMAN. Yerrr I know - TOPSHOP - totally against everything I believe in. However what I can appreciate is the history of the British fashion retail and design industry being visited by Paul Gorman which is what I grew up revering reading i-D and The Face back in 1988 in Tasmania thinking "OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO LONDON!!!" LOLZ. Apparently the rain was so heavy the roof leaked at Mum's all over my old magazine collection. FUCK.



Here I am looking a total babe as per usual in a t-shirt I wouldn't normally wear because I made the decision a while ago to stop dressing like a man but this picture shows that my lipstick is looking pretty hot. Probably I was pretty pissed by this stage from drinking Koko Kanu and Coke. I mean Max and I were topless in the George changing from our regular clothes into the t-shirts from The Look Presents range. If you want to check them all out though, look here. Some of the designs are actually reproductions of the original Granny Takes A Trip store front back in the 60's [like the one I had on]. You didn't know that Granny Takes A Trip was a shop back then? Ohh... God... where do I begin? Not even worth it...



So, mega day today back at work. Feeling hyped but can't believe how tired I am so early. I'm looking forward to getting paid. I want to go to a restaurant The Cardinal visited with her family recently:





Nearly as good as the instrumental to Hairbraider by my main man Kelz!

xx Lektrogirl

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ME 2003


Me 2003, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

In Zurich just off Langstrasse. SO LONG AGO. I wasn't working, DJing all over the place, swanning around, doing whatever with whoever, whenever. All co-ordinated from my Tangerine iMac.

Life was so different then. It seems like I remember it as being always hot and sunny. I guess I just don't remember bad weather. But then summer in Switzerland is ALWAYS banging cause they build temporary bars along the Limmat and have grills on the side for wurst and beer. AND there is the lake that you can swim in. And the forest. B.A.N.G.I.N.G. However, it is a kind of boring town. Only good for eating, drinking and lying down cause it is too hot.

xx Lektrogirl

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THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #13.5

Bugger - this one came on Thursday but I forgot to post it!! Sorry everyone.

-----

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 14 August 2008 03:20
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: first day down, This is in answer to your first day down' a good learning day, and lots of quids to come?


I know rour'e busy etc. but you are the only one who has the brightest and appreciative of the 'rare' vulgaruty that sneaks into my writing. I don't have control over it, it just overflows as from a carbuncle pussing out of an infected follicle. God help us!
Our boss stopped me yestertday looking all harrassed and worn out, I asked "what's up Chook" To which she replied this place gives me the 'effein shits' (quote, unquote)
Evidently the Salvo's are giving her a hard time, which is easy for them , because they think they've got God on their side, What a load of bollocks?
The two chaplains are very pleasant folk, they are from the south of Edinburgh.
'Borderers' to be precise. Still they are Scottish and are fairly understanding of my antipathy to religion when I relate my earl days in Glsgow being a protestant at a predominantly Catholic school. My brothers and I gave blood noses to Catholic abusers every day we gathered in the playground for recess. Even the shit faced girls used to call out 'Protestant Bastards'
But that was a lot of yesterdays ago my little friend.I remember give ing one shiela a bit of a dunt up the arse to help her into the classroom for wittering shit at me.
Miss King sent me for the strap and book for violence on a female. She larraped six of the best on my hand. Which was fair enough. W hen I think of my father, thumping shielas isn't really fair play.
Itried deleting all my previous emails theother day, yours and mine but the flamin printer took a hand in printing the saved in drafts tray.
Some of the reading from each other is a good laugh!
Specially bits about what hangs in and out of best? Don't tell me youve relaxed you guard and let XXCENSOREDXX have a serve? Fark, (exactly)That's enough of your expensive time. I hope it get's more interesting for you mate? Luv ex PaXXXX.

------

I promise that I will not let emails sit in my inbox for too long without posting them.

Well work again this morning and I cant believe that I am awake and happy at this time of day. Totally unheard of! On the weekend I was awake pretty early - the transition hasn't been that bad from slacker internet addict to SATC working girl. TCB. Anyway I better go and find something more appropriate to wear to work than pink polkadot PJ bottoms and a red Kon Tiki t-shirt [an old one of Max's he gave me!]

xx Lektrogirl

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THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #15

Dear All

Before posting my Father's opinions here from his latest email, I just want to re-iterate that they are MY FATHER'S opinions and not mine although I cannot speak for my sub-editor. Indeed - they may not even be my father's opinions either, he maybe just be saying them for comedy effect...

-----

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 18 August 2008 01:34
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: MY ADDRESS IS the HOUSE WITH A BIG RED LIGHT SHINING OUT OF THE PORCH


tHANKS FOR THE WORDS/INFO. i MUST BE A GREAT RELIEF TO YOU TO KNOW YOU HAVE THE RENT AND TUCKER COSTS COVERED. Fark. You know why the expletive? I think my 83 rd year will be the last of controlled intelligence?
One other thing that springs to mind, you must gain great confidence in yourself that you are still elligble, and able to apply for, a,d get, a good job. I' m happy for you any how.
All I can say about the Olympic games is spectacularly boring. The Chinese are so far up themselves I'm sure they can taste their own faeces on the back of their toungue. Nothing unsual, really thet use their own shite to manure thier own home grown salad and veges. They sprinlkle glitters on the turds to make them more attractive! To smell or eat? I' m not sure. Cheers mate. 2 quick questions,
1.Where is your email computer?
2 When's the best time for you to recive.
3What is your mobile phone number? I'd HATE TO BE SENDING VITAL INFO TO THE THIEVING GIT WHO NICKED YOUR PHINE. fARK AGEN. Cheers mate. Luv yer. Take care. Put a mouse trap by the edge of the bed, be suprised what the XXCENSOREDXX man 'll get caught in it? At XXCENSOREDXX he'll prolly need a rat trap? Dadxxxx The comp just told me when I went to sign off that my message had not been sent. and that was after it had already told me it had sent it. so Ill send it again in case the F.R.E.D!

-----

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 17 August 2008

SUNDAY LUNCH


laptop_lunchbox 2007.01.04, originally uploaded by amanky.

Well I have to admit that my Sunday feast looked nothing like this but I forgot to take pictures. What a loser! But it looked so amazing. Then we ate it.

I made:

Slow cooked shredded pork belly with wine with chicory and cornichons.
Carrot, cumin and harrisa dip.
Potato dauphinoise.
Norwegian cucumber & dill salad [The Cardinal's recipe]
Plus there was like olives, bread, cheese, anchovies etc.

I'm so sad there were no pictures cause it really was a sight to behold. And I was told that it was an excellent lunch. Thank god.

Here is the Cucumber Salad recipe that I made which The Cardinal confirms is similar enough to hers. Only we both only make about a quarter of it.

Cucumber Dill Salad

4 large cucumbers
1 cup cider vinegar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
salt and black pepper, to taste
1 medium red onion, thinly sliced and broken into rings
3 tbs. fresh dill, finely chopped

- Wash the cucumbers and partially remove their peel in lengthwise strips, using either a vegetable peeler or the tines of a fork. Make sure to leave a bit of dark green skin between each stripe.

- Thinly slice each cucumber. Place the slices in a large non-metal bowl and pour on the cider vinegar, sugar, salt, and pepper. Stir or toss the mixture gently until the sugar is dissolved.

- Add the onion slices and fresh dill, then toss well to combine. Let the mixture marinate for at least half an hour before serving.

- It's best to serve any leftovers at room temperature. So refrigerate any remains, but let the seasoning be enhanced by a little time on the table before dining.

Hopefully it looks a bit like this:

I LOVE COOKING.

I feel like this today!



xx Lektrogirl

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PRON


PRON, originally uploaded by pilgrim' s progrock.

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Saturday, 16 August 2008

HERE'S TO SWEET DREAMS


with love from the countryside, originally uploaded by favoriet.

One one hand my fingers smell of garlic and the other fresh ginger [already preparing for tomorrow! Shit if I get blown out...] and I will go to bed in a minute and try and get bored to sleep. Why I don't cook more often I don't know. I absolutely love it. But it really is a grind cooking for just me.

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CRAZY DAY


opp7, originally uploaded by carsick.

Today was all weird!

And I think that even the dog Coco upstairs is feeling it cause it won't stop barking.

I was walking along the street today and saw this:



I was on my way to Archgate for the usual but ended up having a falafel instead - a big mistake I thought. Then when I got home, Alex T rang to tell me all about going to an Art gallery and the conversation ended with him promising to punch me in the stomach if I ever got pregnant by anyone which is a sweet relief cause I don't think I could handle going to the dry cleaner and asking for one of those horrible coat hangers [they also ruin your clothes]drinking gin and eating green paw paw all in a hot bath. I think I would rather have Alex T punch me in the guts as hard as he can. I would even like it if he took a little run up. How that conversation happened I don't know and on that note we rang off from one another and I went to Waitrose cause I'm cooking a lunch for a friend tomorrow. I hope it turns out good cause he is on a par with the food fascism. I am just as guilty. Though I can't say what I am making now cause it is meant to be a surprise.


NOT the fire I am about to talk about.

On my way to Waitrose though, an old man scrunched up a piece of paper and set it alight and buried it in a huge pile of dry twigs outside someone's apartment under an overhanging tree on Magdala Avenue. I just watched him do it. As the flames rose and started licking the tree I was on 999 straight away and calling telling them my story. The owners of the house came out in the meantime and threw some water and kicking the bush stamping out the fire. I went up to them and told them what I had seen the old dude do. He was still sitting at the bus stop watching what was going on. He started yelling that he didn't do it. The guys from the house were calling him a fucking mental. The fire truck arrived. I needed to poo [sorry TMI!] so I went off to McDonald's. Etc.



And speaking of weirdness! You'll never guess who Japper's fancies like mad!! HOUSE!!! She said he is totally DREAMY! And she said the reason she fancied him is cause he is like EXTREME XXCENSOREDXX. Fucking LOLZAPOLLOZA!! Really good one. I wonder if I have to XXCENSOREDXX more of that.



And in further weirdness, I had a Internet chat with a friend who was in an Internet café at a nudist beach where he was hanging out with his father and his father's boyfriend. If I thought about it too much, I started tripping.

Anyway I hope you had a happy day everyone cause mine was pretty awesome in it's own little way. I'm not going out tonight though I was going to go to that thing The Cardinal and Antoinette are going to - bugger what is it called?! Can't remember.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. I hope you appreciated the nice Flickr finds I have exhibited for you too.

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ART GALLERY OF MY DREAMS


art gallery 01, originally uploaded by Mang25.

Friday, 15 August 2008

TV FACE [TM]


TV Face [TM], originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

Yer you know what it is tonight? I know you are all gagging for it - fuck Acid On Sea IT IS LAW AND ORDER SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT NEW SERIES EPISODE TWO and I will be in bed looking like this watching NCIS in anticipation working myself up into a fever, erupting all over LAW AND ORDER SVU and basking in the after glow of whatever else is on then - I think another Law And Order - either Criminal Intent or the other one.

BRING IT ON.

I got a new computer at work today. I showed my guns and carried the new monitor and hard drive up four floors one in each arm without a rest to the top like a true Aussie hero. Not cause I had to but cause I wanted to. And if I got a thirst for it I would have cracked a Solo - light on the fizz so I could slam it down fast. That was an Aussie joke BTW. Only Caz might know it.

The best thing about my new job is knowing that I can sleep in tomorrow. That feels better than being able to sleep all day every day. Seriously.

Anyway I now need to pretend I need to do some random chores [I do need to but I so cannot be bothered] and will go get ready for my TV viewing.

xx Lektrogirl

Thursday, 14 August 2008

YERRR


am90_burger, originally uploaded by marisaolson.

I'm so hungry I could eat an old shoe.



Oh yeah and today at work continued with further tribulations. The light relief was provided by talking about videos like this:



I mean FFS!!! 'Chrome Dome' YGM. Not on.

And I know it isn't funny or clever to swear, I can't help but refer to this track Move Bitch by Ludacris



cause I am so feeling it right now about a few people, piles of paperwork, maybe even myself.

I had a coconut macaroon today from Laduree and it was gross.

xx Lektrogirl

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FFS

Appointment at work this morning that I got up at 7am for cancelled.

Just to let the universe know though, I was in the office at 8.55am - and this will NEVER happen again.

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Spluch: Toilet-Themed Restaurant

>Spluch: Toilet-Themed Restaurant

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #14

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 14 August 2008 03:20
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: first day down, This is in answer to your first day down' a good learning day, and lots of quids to come?


I know rour'e busy etc. but you are the only one who has the brightest and appreciative of the 'rare' vulgaruty that sneaks into my writing. I don't have control over it, it just overflows as from a carbuncle pussing out of an infected follicle. God help us!
Our boss stopped me yestertday looking all harrassed and worn out, I asked "what's up Chook" To which she replied this place gives me the 'effein shits' (quote, unquote)
Evidently the Salvo's are giving her a hard time, which is easy for them , because they think they've got God on their side, What a load of bollocks?
The two chaplains are very pleasant folk, they are from the south of Edinburgh.
'Borderers' to be precise. Still they are Scottish and are fairly understanding of my antipathy to religion when I relate my earl days in Glsgow being a protestant at a predominantly Catholic school. My brothers and I gave blood noses to Catholic abusers every day we gathered in the playground for recess. Even the shit faced girls used to call out 'Protestant Bastards'
But that was a lot of yesterdays ago my little friend.I remember give ing one shiela a bit of a dunt up the arse to help her into the classroom for wittering shit at me.
Miss King sent me for the strap and book for violence on a female. She larraped six of the best on my hand. Which was fair enough. W hen I think of my father, thumping shielas isn't really fair play.
Itried deleting all my previous emails theother day, yours and mine but the flamin printer took a hand in printing the saved in drafts tray.
Some of the reading from each other is a good laugh!
Specially bits about what hangs in and out of best? Don't tell me youve relaxed you guard and let the big fella have a serve? Fark, (exactly)That's enough of your expensive time. I hope it get's more interesting for you mate? Luv ex PaXXXX.

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Wednesday, 13 August 2008

HOUSEWORK

At my new job I have been TCB - [learnt this from Bok Bok via Manara - Take Care of Business.] Basically, getting stuck into some long overdue paperwork house keeping so that I can get cracking with my job properly. So sorting, filing, researching, asking questions, updating computers etc etc. The people I work with are super nice and couldn't be more helpful - but for those of you who read my blog who have ever had a job [so that would be 90% the girls, 30% of guys who have had 'real jobs' 30% of guys who have kind of had 'pretend jobs' that were just like DJing for cash or something but it still counts - the left over girls and 40% men you won't get this] - you will understand that a new job is always A LOT; Working out if you wore the right thing, who will be your allies, how everyone has their tea, how long you can talk on the phone without looking like a slacker, can you install Miranda/Trillion etc... S.T.R.E.S.S. And of course, overcoming my Internet addiction and having to drink cows milk for the time being out of an ugly cup. [How long can I leave it before I can bring in my own china teacup for plunger coffee without everyone thinking I'm a tosser but thinking I'm cool and quirky? YGM?]

So the following song, Let There Be House, is dedicate to me and my new job.



This song also holds some very deep connections to my life back in Tasmania. When this record first came out, I bought the 12" and went totally nuts listening to it over and over and dancing all the stresses of my life out in the hallway on Mum's new carpet. I was in year 11 or 12 - so 16 or 17. I was the bane of Mum's life - because the carpet was so new and woolly, one dance session would kick up all the new fluff of the wool - virtually tumble weave - that she would go round clucking and picking up spluttering at me "Stop It!! You are kicking up all the carpet!! You will dance a hole in the carpet!!"

Listening to this song again now is a really great de-stress session for me. On top of the new job and the heartbreak over the Chanel lipstick really not being up to scratch, I had a fucking shit start to the week over really weird weird stuff that has also been on my mind. I just feel so much is in the bin right now - more like hard knocks from other people's misplaced weirdness - and like my astrology said today - 'just let it be like water off a duck's back' which is true, but when I'm super stressed/tired about a new job its hard. I went out to dinner with Max tonight and he asked me about all my woes [I cried in China Town - AGAIN! - FFS!! I really must be hitting menopause!!] and it was so nice to be sitting with one of my oldest bestest craziest friend 'chewing the fat'.

Something to look forward too though! I am going to Nantes to see Puyo Puyo and Eva on the 18th October for a gig there. WOOHOO. I don't know who else is playing but I am sure it will be excellent. I haven't seen them since I met them in Liege - the same night I met Lu and Bernd from Mash Gordon. FUCK ME!! THAT WAS A PARTY!! Yerrr...

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SOMETHING NICE TODAY


Jo Made This, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

Something nice today as nice as this that I can look forward to that is nice, please.

Thanks

xx Lektrogirl

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

CONSUMER COMPLAINT

Dear Ms Chanel

I wanted to write a letter of complaint to you regarding two maquillage products I have purchased from one of your concessions recently, in Selfridges.

Based on the fact that the two 'rouge a lèvres' I purchased were similar to a Christian Dior lipstick I had stolen from me a while ago, I felt confident with the assurances from the marketing of your brand with the two colours I walked out of the store with would be more than adequate to mend my broken heart.

However I am bitterly disappointed on the performance of your product. My Christian Dior lipstick in Indian Red, even though was years old had maximum coverage, staying power and an intensity of colour that made all men turn in the street. Both lipsticks I bought from you - Passion and New York Red - are greasy, slippery, bleed and last about 20 minutes before needing another application.

My Christian Dior lipstick was not an impotent monkey dick or a weasley dog's dick of a product and I am indeed inferring that your products are both those things... in fact... maybe even of lesser standing. I rue the day I decided to choose your product over Yves Saint Laurent - which even if the lipstick had been of equal quality, at least it comes in packaging which makes carrying a compact mirror obsolete.

Going forward I shall never be wearing stands of pearls, linking my C's as I doodle on notepads while on the phone or considering getting a chin length bob with a tan.

Yours with a bitter fair well

Emma Davidson

P.S. I'm only bitching about the make up and not the wicked slides I have - they are still rocking!

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THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #13

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 12 August 2008 01:30
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: re: first day down, a good learning day, and lots of quids to come?


I am here only from desperation. I 'boot' up this wretched machine, one handed I might add, only to find no words of solace from one of my special friends. agen and agen. Ces't La Vie, or in my case the prevailing winds of death!
How did Monday go? Do you have to solicit bodies for jiobs or interview likely applicants for business clients?
You could be lucky and strike a rich young colt, unattached, who welcomes a good looking young 'bird' to hid mayfair condominium(left to him by a maiden aunt who died of a broken heart, because her husband, his uncle, shot through with a young filly with large knockers? Not that kind of luck, me hearty? All I can lay (me eyes on) are mostly older than meFark!
There you are. short no questions of import, except I deleted your address when I WAS CLEANING UP MY MOBILE' SENT AND INBOX LISTS. and I therefore lost your address again. Can't send you any picnics, til you give me yer address agen.
How often do you read yer emails? Why not make it daily just before you vist mrs murphy? Then you won't have any thing pressing on yer liver?
XXCENSOREDXX. XXCENSOREDXX. Jesusus that's big upwards that is. XXCENSOREDXX over the end of the bed?
Email yer dear old dad, who married yer ma so you wouldn't be a bastard, but you've got the makings, without any help from mr. Tho I taught you all I know, Miss Brilliance!
See you later....via this page. L v from yer pa. XXXX

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SOCA

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SO MY LOVE LIFE



ROTFLOL

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 10 August 2008

DOUBLE JO

Today I saw Jo Wilson and then had chats with Jappers - it was a double Jo Sunday.

First I had a roast lunch in Stoke Newington and waited for the bus in the pissing rain but we ate this:



Which is better than what I cooked when Mr Chips was here the other night:



LOL the shame.

Then this evening I got some awesome links from Jappers. Firstly this:



Read the LOLDJ's blog about how Drx makes these perpetrators come correct.

Then secondly, if you have the time, read all the stuff below from the Milton Glaser website[and here is the original page here]. It is great! And very fitting cause I start my new job tomorrow with one of the most amazing women in the fashion industry. Even so, I'm quite nervy!! WISH ME LUCK!!

-------

Ten Things I Have Learned
Part of AIGA Talk in London
November 22, 2001

1
YOU CAN ONLY WORK FOR PEOPLE THAT YOU LIKE.
This is a curious rule and it took me a long time to learn because in fact at the beginning of my practice I felt the opposite. Professionalism required that you didn’t particularly like the people that you worked for or at least maintained an arms length relationship to them, which meant that I never had lunch with a client or saw them socially. Then some years ago I realised that the opposite was true. I discovered that all the work I had done that was meaningful and significant came out of an affectionate relationship with a client. And I am not talking about professionalism; I am talking about affection. I am talking about a client and you sharing some common ground. That in fact your view of life is someway congruent with the client, otherwise it is a bitter and hopeless struggle.


2
IF YOU HAVE A CHOICE NEVER HAVE A JOB.
One night I was sitting in my car outside Columbia University where my wife Shirley was studying Anthropology. While I was waiting I was listening to the radio and heard an interviewer ask ‘Now that you have reached 75 have you any advice for our audience about how to prepare for your old age?’ An irritated voice said ‘Why is everyone asking me about old age these days?’ I recognised the voice as John Cage. I am sure that many of you know who he was – the composer and philosopher who influenced people like Jasper Johns and Merce Cunningham as well as the music world in general. I knew him slightly and admired his contribution to our times. ‘You know, I do know how to prepare for old age’ he said. ‘Never have a job, because if you have a job someday someone will take it away from you and then you will be unprepared for your old age. For me, it has always been the same every since the age of 12. I wake up in the morning and I try to figure out how am I going to put bread on the table today? It is the same at 75, I wake up every morning and I think how am I going to put bread on the table today? I am exceedingly well prepared for my old age’ he said.

3
SOME PEOPLE ARE TOXIC AVOID THEM.
This is a subtext of number one. There was in the sixties a man named Fritz Perls who was a gestalt therapist. Gestalt therapy derives from art history, it proposes you must understand the ‘whole’ before you can understand the details. What you have to look at is the entire culture, the entire family and community and so on. Perls proposed that in all relationships people could be either toxic or nourishing towards one another. It is not necessarily true that the same person will be toxic or nourishing in every relationship, but the combination of any two people in a relationship produces toxic or nourishing consequences. And the important thing that I can tell you is that there is a test to determine whether someone is toxic or nourishing in your relationship with them. Here is the test: You have spent some time with this person, either you have a drink or go for dinner or you go to a ball game. It doesn’t matter very much but at the end of that time you observe whether you are more energised or less energised. Whether you are tired or whether you are exhilarated. If you are more tired then you have been poisoned. If you have more energy you have been nourished. The test is almost infallible and I suggest that you use it for the rest of your life.

4
PROFESSIONALISM IS NOT ENOUGH or THE GOOD IS THE ENEMY OF THE GREAT.
Early in my career I wanted to be professional, that was my complete aspiration in my early life because professionals seemed to know everything - not to mention they got paid for it. Later I discovered after working for a while that professionalism itself was a limitation. After all, what professionalism means in most cases is diminishing risks. So if you want to get your car fixed you go to a mechanic who knows how to deal with transmission problems in the same way each time. I suppose if you needed brain surgery you wouldn’t want the doctor to fool around and invent a new way of connecting your nerve endings. Please do it in the way that has worked in the past.
Unfortunately in our field, in the so-called creative – I hate that word because it is misused so often. I also hate the fact that it is used as a noun. Can you imagine calling someone a creative? Anyhow, when you are doing something in a recurring way to diminish risk or doing it in the same way as you have done it before, it is clear why professionalism is not enough. After all, what is required in our field, more than anything else, is the continuous transgression. Professionalism does not allow for that because transgression has to encompass the possibility of failure and if you are professional your instinct is not to fail, it is to repeat success. So professionalism as a lifetime aspiration is a limited goal.

5
LESS IS NOT NECESSARILY MORE.
Being a child of modernism I have heard this mantra all my life. Less is more. One morning upon awakening I realised that it was total nonsense, it is an absurd proposition and also fairly meaningless. But it sounds great because it contains within it a paradox that is resistant to understanding. But it simply does not obtain when you think about the visual of the history of the world. If you look at a Persian rug, you cannot say that less is more because you realise that every part of that rug, every change of colour, every shift in form is absolutely essential for its aesthetic success. You cannot prove to me that a solid blue rug is in any way superior. That also goes for the work of Gaudi, Persian miniatures, art nouveau and everything else. However, I have an alternative to the proposition that I believe is more appropriate. ‘Just enough is more.’


6
STYLE IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED.
I think this idea first occurred to me when I was looking at a marvellous etching of a bull by Picasso. It was an illustration for a story by Balzac called The Hidden Masterpiece. I am sure that you all know it. It is a bull that is expressed in 12 different styles going from very naturalistic version of a bull to an absolutely reductive single line abstraction and everything else along the way. What is clear just from looking at this single print is that style is irrelevant. In every one of these cases, from extreme abstraction to acute naturalism they are extraordinary regardless of the style. It’s absurd to be loyal to a style. It does not deserve your loyalty. I must say that for old design professionals it is a problem because the field is driven by economic consideration more than anything else. Style change is usually linked to economic factors, as all of you know who have read Marx. Also fatigue occurs when people see too much of the same thing too often. So every ten years or so there is a stylistic shift and things are made to look different. Typefaces go in and out of style and the visual system shifts a little bit. If you are around for a long time as a designer, you have an essential problem of what to do. I mean, after all, you have developed a vocabulary, a form that is your own. It is one of the ways that you distinguish yourself from your peers, and establish your identity in the field. How you maintain your own belief system and preferences becomes a real balancing act. The question of whether you pursue change or whether you maintain your own distinct form becomes difficult. We have all seen the work of illustrious practitioners that suddenly look old-fashioned or, more precisely, belonging to another moment in time. And there are sad stories such as the one about Cassandre, arguably the greatest graphic designer of the twentieth century, who couldn’t make a living at the end of his life and committed suicide.
But the point is that anybody who is in this for the long haul has to decide how to respond to change in the zeitgeist. What is it that people now expect that they formerly didn’t want? And how to respond to that desire in a way that doesn’t change your sense of integrity and purpose.

7
HOW YOU LIVE CHANGES YOUR BRAIN.
The brain is the most responsive organ of the body. Actually it is the organ that is most susceptible to change and regeneration of all the organs in the body. I have a friend named Gerald Edelman who was a great scholar of brain studies and he says that the analogy of the brain to a computer is pathetic. The brain is actually more like an overgrown garden that is constantly growing and throwing off seeds, regenerating and so on. And he believes that the brain is susceptible, in a way that we are not fully conscious of, to almost every experience of our life and every encounter we have. I was fascinated by a story in a newspaper a few years ago about the search for perfect pitch. A group of scientists decided that they were going to find out why certain people have perfect pitch. You know certain people hear a note precisely and are able to replicate it at exactly the right pitch. Some people have relevant pitch; perfect pitch is rare even among musicians. The scientists discovered – I don’t know how - that among people with perfect pitch the brain was different. Certain lobes of the brain had undergone some change or deformation that was always present with those who had perfect pitch. This was interesting enough in itself. But then they discovered something even more fascinating. If you took a bunch of kids and taught them to play the violin at the age of 4 or 5 after a couple of years some of them developed perfect pitch, and in all of those cases their brain structure had changed. Well what could that mean for the rest of us? We tend to believe that the mind affects the body and the body affects the mind, although we do not generally believe that everything we do affects the brain. I am convinced that if someone was to yell at me from across the street my brain could be affected and my life might changed. That is why your mother always said, ‘Don’t hang out with those bad kids.’ Mama was right. Thought changes our life and our behaviour. I also believe that drawing works in the same way. I am a great advocate of drawing, not in order to become an illustrator, but because I believe drawing changes the brain in the same way as the search to create the right note changes the brain of a violinist. Drawing also makes you attentive. It makes you pay attention to what you are looking at, which is not so easy.

8
DOUBT IS BETTER THAN CERTAINTY.
Everyone always talks about confidence in believing what you do. I remember once going to a class in yoga where the teacher said that, spirituality speaking, if you believed that you had achieved enlightenment you have merely arrived at your limitation. I think that is also true in a practical sense. Deeply held beliefs of any kind prevent you from being open to experience, which is why I find all firmly held ideological positions questionable. It makes me nervous when someone believes too deeply or too much. I think that being sceptical and questioning all deeply held beliefs is essential. Of course we must know the difference between scepticism and cynicism because cynicism is as much a restriction of one’s openness to the world as passionate belief is. They are sort of twins. And then in a very real way, solving any problem is more important than being right. There is a significant sense of self-righteousness in both the art and design world. Perhaps it begins at school. Art school often begins with the Ayn Rand model of the single personality resisting the ideas of the surrounding culture. The theory of the avant garde is that as an individual you can transform the world, which is true up to a point. One of the signs of a damaged ego is absolute certainty.
Schools encourage the idea of not compromising and defending your work at all costs. Well, the issue at work is usually all about the nature of compromise. You just have to know what to compromise. Blind pursuit of your own ends which excludes the possibility that others may be right does not allow for the fact that in design we are always dealing with a triad – the client, the audience and you.
Ideally, making everyone win through acts of accommodation is desirable. But self-righteousness is often the enemy. Self-righteousness and narcissism generally come out of some sort of childhood trauma, which we do not have to go into. It is a consistently difficult thing in human affairs. Some years ago I read a most remarkable thing about love, that also applies to the nature of co-existing with others. It was a quotation from Iris Murdoch in her obituary. It read ‘ Love is the extremely difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real.’ Isn’t that fantastic! The best insight on the subject of love that one can imagine.

9
ON AGING.
Last year someone gave me a charming book by Roger Rosenblatt called ‘Ageing Gracefully’ I got it on my birthday. I did not appreciate the title at the time but it contains a series of rules for ageing gracefully. The first rule is the best. Rule number one is that ‘it doesn’t matter.’ ‘It doesn’t matter that what you think. Follow this rule and it will add decades to your life. It does not matter if you are late or early, if you are here or there, if you said it or didn’t say it, if you are clever or if you were stupid. If you were having a bad hair day or a no hair day or if your boss looks at you cockeyed or your boyfriend or girlfriend looks at you cockeyed, if you are cockeyed. If you don’t get that promotion or prize or house or if you do – it doesn’t matter.’ Wisdom at last. Then I heard a marvellous joke that seemed related to rule number 10. A butcher was opening his market one morning and as he did a rabbit popped his head through the door. The butcher was surprised when the rabbit inquired ‘Got any cabbage?’ The butcher said ‘This is a meat market – we sell meat, not vegetables.’ The rabbit hopped off. The next day the butcher is opening the shop and sure enough the rabbit pops his head round and says ‘You got any cabbage?’ The butcher now irritated says ‘Listen you little rodent I told you yesterday we sell meat, we do not sell vegetables and the next time you come here I am going to grab you by the throat and nail those floppy ears to the floor.’ The rabbit disappeared hastily and nothing happened for a week. Then one morning the rabbit popped his head around the corner and said ‘Got any nails?’ The butcher said ‘No.’ The rabbit said ‘Ok. Got any cabbage?’

10
TELL THE TRUTH.
The rabbit joke is relevant because it occurred to me that looking for a cabbage in a butcher’s shop might be like looking for ethics in the design field. It may not be the most obvious place to find either. It’s interesting to observe that in the new AIGA’s code of ethics there is a significant amount of useful information about appropriate behaviour towards clients and other designers, but not a word about a designer’s relationship to the public. We expect a butcher to sell us eatable meat and that he doesn’t misrepresent his wares. I remember reading that during the Stalin years in Russia that everything labelled veal was actually chicken. I can’t imagine what everything labelled chicken was. We can accept certain kinds of misrepresentation, such as fudging about the amount of fat in his hamburger but once a butcher knowingly sells us spoiled meat we go elsewhere. As a designer, do we have less responsibility to our public than a butcher? Everyone interested in licensing our field might note that the reason licensing has been invented is to protect the public not designers or clients. ‘Do no harm’ is an admonition to doctors concerning their relationship to their patients, not to their fellow practitioners or the drug companies. If we were licensed, telling the truth might become more central to what we do.

NOT MY IDEA






xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Pippa's feet.

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BLU TAK COCK GRAFFITI


Blu Tak Cock Graffiti, originally uploaded by ..Philippa...

I have been waiting for The Cardinal to Flickr this for some time so I can blog it. It is so LOLS.

xx Lektrogirl

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RANK ALERT

WARNING



I said I wouldn't post another one of these every again but I couldn't resist. The other night after watching a plethora of cyst videos on YouTube and having Facebook chats with a nice friend, I then when to bed and called my friend for further conversation where he was continuing to watch these videos and describing everything that was happening in them - I was watching these videos by proxy! Oh what a happy heart. Anyway this one sounded SO GOOD that I had to get the link and sure enough it was in my inbox this morning for me to enjoy [I had garlic stuff olives and cherry tomatoes for breakfast with a cup of English Breakfast tea.]

Anyway if you don't have the stomach to be checking out the video above, I will explain briefly that it is someone with a tooth abscess squeezing the bloody puss into her own mouth. It is fucking RANK.

In other news, my big Saturday night was Mr Chips and I making Facebook videos for a number of friends. Apologies to those who received rather weird videos [Mrs Kipling and Cazza for example]

Night night beautiful people. I want to go and have sweet dreams.

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 9 August 2008

THE SCENE

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Friday, 8 August 2008

WHAT'S HAPPENIN' ?



Well not a lot. I have been working on a couple of websites, went for lunch and had the usual omelette at Archgate, photographed some tumbleweave on the way, came home, had a sleep, missed the opening ceremony of the Olympics, made a couple of videos for Mr Chips on Facebook, ate some guacamole on Dr Karg's Emmental and Spelt crackers and gave myself a stomach ache. Tonight I am not going out because it is the NEW SERIOUS - SERIES LOL - of LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT at 10pm. Not even the world's worst period cramps, worry about menopause coming and dying without ever having children will stop me from getting excited about that.

In other news, Archway station was closed today cause of a person under a train. There was one emergency response van, three fire trucks and about five ambulances and cop cars everywhere. Serious business.

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 7 August 2008

HEAVY

My arms and legs are heavy. I am not sleeping and following the whole story of my dreams has stopped. I only remember tiny details of them remain when I wake - like a freckle on a shoulder or the tail end of a sentence.

And I get spam like this:

-----Original Message-----
From: Blossom Mcfarland [mailto:recombiningmz9@oelinger.com]
Sent: 07 August 2008 15:07
To: emma@XXCENSOREDXX.com
Subject: [SPAM]Re:

It breaks your heart to see the one you love is happy with someone else, but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you. http://alvs.prosperityanger.com

-----

In Kinshasa I imagine it is very hot and humid depending on the time of year.

xx Lektrogirl

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WEB SLUGS

Here is a reproduction of a webpage that I made some years ago about how to eradicate slugs featuring Paul B. Davis.

SLUGS - rid your garden of these foul pests!


check the newly transplanted herb garden, featuring mint and bay leaves.


but shit, we got a problem. it seems we aren't the only ones enjoying nature. someone UNINVITED is eating the sweet leaves through the night.


okay players, education certainly is the key and this cracker is here to show you what to do with some about the house ingredients.


all you need is a bottle of stale flat beer. any brand will do but we have chosen one that is the favourite of lazy fat lay-abouts.
then fill a bowl with this beer and leave it in the garden a small distace from the ravaged plants.


THE NEXT DAY. the little fuckers had their last party and drunk themselves to a grim death.


CHECK IT OUT CHICKY BABES!! [tm] - daisy d


the head count after just 12 hours is roughly 21 slugs and two snails. you can leave the beer a little longer but be warned too long and it turns to a stinky rotten pool of yuck.


and so back to enjoying the garden like a hero with a fresh bottle of beer.

Anyway - this photo series is a set form better days when we would have jolly japes and do things like kill slugs.

xx Lektrogirl

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HIKASHU

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Wednesday, 6 August 2008

MY CREW


Poodles!, originally uploaded by Tri_Poodle.

How we roll on the regular.

I'm going toot, toot, beep, beep, pulling up on them wheels now
All black on black body got it shining much like a seal now
Got them cars in my garage no less than a mill now
Kells about to take the bar and set it real high
Double take Double take when I roll up to the club
Playas they plays us when I walk up in the club
I got them shades on doing about 75
Just call it speed racer cause I'm rolling in that marc 5
Yall niggas aint fucking with me and I put a mill on it
Niggas and Bitches they lie but home boy them stacks don't
R&B Boss hustling like Rick Ross
Man my flow is so raw niggas don't piss me off
I'm a playa homie and that's a well known factor
Plus the wheels on the coupe got lookin like a tractor
Take my ice hold it up
Then my city toss it up
Chi-town summer time Kells got traffic backed up

I'm totally HTML HML right now working on two websites. One has a problem with ONE image. The other problem is that there are more changes than necessary.



For a breather, I managed to get down the road to my favourite French place in North London for a Croque today. At Le Péché Mignon on Ronald's Road N5 the garden conversion has taken place and it is super cute out there and a perfect place to eat and drink - if it wasn't for the agonising conversation two 'musicians' were having at a nearby table. They were talking like OTT MySpace pages for themselves and organising gigs at places where a lot of industry people go 'cause they were more important' and one was bitching out the other for having gigs of their own without the whole band. Blah blah. I shared a table with a very brainy looking bald man with freckles on his head who was doing the Guardian crossword in silence. And even though he smoked, I enjoyed his company a lot and I felt as if I was learning things about the world just by osmosis while I sat near him.



My Croque Monsieur was PERFECT and was served with Lamb's lettuce and not the Brer Rabbit lettuce I hate to much. And I think you will agree it is more obvs I'm starting to enjoy using Mrs Kipling's camera.

In BONUS ROUND news today, my 70's German jug arrived in the mail today from Sabine! Too thrilled!! I realise it isn't everyone's cup of tea, but these heavy gross glazes I love so much and remind me a lot of my mother's ceramic work from back when I was growing up. I remember being allowed to go and sit in with the big kids at the primary school at Challa Gardens when I was just in kinder while Mum gave extra classes in pottery to the kids and I felt so cool.



Not too unlike some of the ceramics I saw on the ward at the Royal Free Hospital, LOL. I love art rooms and cemeteries - they seem very homely to me cause of my mum.

xx Lektrogirl

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THE MESSAGE IS LOVE


"Urban"

Finally, people can hear The Message Is Love by Silverlink featuring Jammer and Badness by checking out the Dirty Canvas MySpace page - second track down. I'll wait til someone else posts an MP3 and leach their file for you to listen on this blog directly. Anyway - it got three rewinds on 1Xtra by Ras Kwame. Starkey gave it 2. The tune is so hype. And it is amazing how they got Haddaway to sing in the break down.

xx Lektrogirl

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MADAME PRESENTS!

GIVE AND TAKE AWAY

I woke up this morning - finally - to receive the following in my Flickr mail. It has lest me feeling totally heartbroken. How can this be? A random message from a complete stranger.

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06/08/08

Dear L

I’m writing to apologise for my borderline obsessive compulsive accessing of your blog.

You must admit, images of good food and vicariously experiencing jolly japes in dirty London town are quite seductive, addictive and an acceptable displacement activity. London hasn’t looked so good since irritant released the I-sound 7” back in the day.

However, you do have a point and I feel that I may not be able to adequately explain to my senior management team that it is appropriate for me to look at post-modern images of plates of food and nightclub toilets.

In addition, it may not be the most effective use of my time at work.

Therefore, I guess it’s time for me to clean up my desktop.

Goodbye Diana Scheuemann!, farewell Russian tramp racing,! Bless! Bless! Lektrogirl…

a new life for me.

kind regards, A.

p.s. I don’t think that is my IP address, so please don’t send any horse’s heads to my co-workers!

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Without dwelling on this too much, I will drag myself to the Worker's Cafe on Holloway Road for an omelette and coleslaw and then purchase the necessary dowelling to construct the makeshift stand for my new chromakey green roll. Mr Chips and I have a plan. The G.A. sent me another email this morning but only some sections are relevant if you didn't read the mail I sent him. And there is also some personal information regarding my latest interests in men which I don't feel like revealing. Pop's and I chat about all shit. But here are some edited highlights:

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 06 August 2008 07:03
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: sittin on me bum, bored to death on wed 7th August 2008. Needless to add, unusually quite elated.!


howdy shags, I already sent you a text about good news, Y.s. F.s No,I don't give you the credit for an adult aged 16 years, Sometimes I think you must be about six! As you often print HA.HA. yOU WANKER. XXCENSOREDXX? Your comment about teaching young folk about dealing with the future is very relavent.(how'd ya spell 'relevent?) Mind you even at my age it'soften hard to unravel the poxy governmental policies relating to any F.Thing.But then I always was a bit thick.
XXCENSOREDXX? Good show, mate.
I'm not exactly worried about you gettinng yourself up the duff. ai JUST WORRY THAT WE WOULDN'T BE THERE TO HELP YOU WHEN NECESSARY(FARK agen.Bleedin Caps LOck)
Any how you ain't u.t.d, enciente, preggars, so w.t.f am I worrying about? S.F.A.
Time to abandon ship EH? Got a job to do fer meself. Since I am of royal Scottish blood, it'll have 'glitters'n it. and so sparkle in the water!
Luv from yer DADA. WtFis that? PA.

What am I gonna do when this old bastard croaks?

xx Lektrogirl

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THE PARADOX

Today I was up early, I had meeting in town. I was tired. I watched the new series CSI Miami that started tonight [H has a son! OMG! Acting still as terrible! The plot thickens...] I am THRILLED to learn that the new series of Law and Order Special Victims Unit starts on Friday night [The one with Ice T in it.] But now, I can't sleep. I'm trying to get back into normal sleep pattern. It's hard. I also got my period today and I have a bit of a headache. I don't think I drank enough. But I sure had some good eats:

Breakfast



Laduree in Burlington Arcade. Amaretto, Roseanis and Salted Caramel. I also picked up a present for a friend and I am dying to give it to him. It can wait of course but because I know he will absolutely shit I cannot wait to give it to him!!

Lunch



Madame arranges our lunch on the lace doily even though I have eaten half mine. The sandwiches were already perfect. The only addition we could think of to the Salmon Tartar and the Chopped Herring was perhaps some beetroot? Coffees were of course from Milk Bar.

Dinner was at Taro. But I didn't take a picture.

Oh I just wish I could fall asleep.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 5 August 2008

BOOTY PEOPLE


booty people, originally uploaded by bootycarrell.

Oh Hamburg family. I miss you. But I cam closer to you than you may think! Today I got some good news.

When I got home, I realised I had my knickers on inside out all day! Oh what a moron. But I think it is only unlucky when you put your knickers on back to front. I have to check with my Dad on that.

xx Emma

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HAPPY FACE

I'm in Soho and happy. I'm going to buy some chromakey paper. I am going to eat something tasty. I bought someone a present and I can't wait to give it to them. I am smiling. I have a smiley voice. I had an amaretto macaroon instead of mint and loved it. It's a great day and this is normal. I am happy.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 4 August 2008

REAL LIFE CSI / EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVERLINK



This morning while sitting at Valerie's on Old Compton Street with Pippa and Max we were curious about what exactly happened at Costa's. There was shit everywhere, the shop still open but cordoned off, no signs, guarded by cops... I walked the periphery to check out if I could clock any evidence that would provide clues as to what went on but there was nothing. Besides, a lot of vital evidence would have been washed away in the rain. Pippa and I had to explain to Max that fingerprints do not last in water. All the hours of CSI we had watched was important. It looked like someone had lobbed a table at someone though. By the afternoon the place was full of homosexuals again.

Speaking of people I spotted on Old Compton Street today, Jammer and I believe Badness were walking arm in arm along the road with two other people carrying loads of shopping bags. It was great to see them and I wanted to rush up to them and say "HOW ABOUT YOUR NEW TRACK COMING OUT THE ONE WITH SILVERLINK ???!!! Remember me Jammer? I'm your girlfriend Lektrogirl?! You know... The one that promised you could do it up the bum if only you would call."

Jammer never did call, but probably cause he was busy in the studio with Silverlink and Badness to make a new track being released as a 12" on No Hats No Hoods. It is some fucked up Soca vibes called "The Message is Love". When Linden from HOUSE OF WINGS [R.I.P. those wings] heard the original Soca instrumental by Silverlink he went nuts for it. If you want to cop and earful of the track, rather than a Costa coffee table, visit Silverlink's MySpace page and you can listen to the instrumental there [called 'Love is the Message' there]

You can also check the No Hats No Hoods MySpace for when it is finally released and where you can buy it from. Listen to the hilarious Are You Ready EP Promo. I couldn't stop laughing -- "And all other record stores that know what they are doing". LOL.

xx Lektrogirl

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HML


Lektrogirl and Satan, originally uploaded by All About Eve Babitz.

What the fuck do I look like here with Alex last Thursday night on Max's birthday at the George and Dragon? Let it be known that Max actually felt Alex up on the left nipple and Alex liked it. Also let it be known that I was actually wearing a bra.

The night was so hot and muggy and I had an upset evening earlier storming out of restaurants etc that I had to go home with a stomach ache.



Here is another HML picture. Paul Pieroni took this one at Visions. Was it Cocadisco? I don't remember now - too many Malibu and Pineapples.

In further scintillating news:



More on my supposed rocked fuelled superstar love life. Please note the phone is out of credit and that glass is definitely half empty.


But I got my eye on you and I'm gonna look you up some time soon YGM?

xx Lektrogirl

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THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #12

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 04 August 2008 02:49
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: sittin on me bum, bored to death on monday 4th August 2008. Needless to add, solitarily pissed off and ,and,and!


and. What's going on? Ma TELLS ME THE CR/CARD YOUR HOLDING OF HERS IS NOW OUT OF DATE? hOW T.F DO YOU MANAGE TO EAT.? (Fark) Cos I did y usual caps lock trick. Pay yer rent? PAY YER LECTRICITY? wHAT ABOUT THE ww1 MEDALS VALUE IN England? Not worth a fark to me. Just reminds me that I was only 15 when I joined up and therefore was taken off the draft to Africa in whick 33 of the 37 men in my platoon were killed. But that was yesterday, little mate. The strange thing about living to 83 is that my father was the one who strode into the adjutant's office in his officers outfit, complete with the War O ffice red band insig nia around his cap, and told the man '"get my boy 'off that draft or you'll be in trouble with the press " Which of cpurse was what happened, Not that I am currently enthralled with the fact 'he' saved my life. H e made it farkin miserable for us all during all the time he was around, especially mother. Still, no doubt your memories of me, which you will recount in the future will no doubt put me well in the shite. Ah well, can't win them all, if any?
Tell me about your mobile. H ave you got a new one yet? I sent a text to the last number on a text you sent me. But I don't know who got it. The mobile didn't say 'message has not been sent, and it's registered on my 'sent' list on me mobile, So fark knows?
Please farkin email your correct address. Your mother says she can't remember it, and gorgets to look for it for me. She doesn't take me home anymore. She says it's too cold at home, and she has paperwork spread all over the ding room floor(and prolly the boyfriends' underclothes, shirt, etc lying around the bedroom. tHOUGH AT 66 SHE MAY BE PAST/PASSED it? Can't grumble. I don't think I would manage to get laid at my ripe old age? Which past/passed is right. I never remember?

Try hard to answer this email. Because IA worry about you , yoy little farker. Love from yer ol' Dad. At 83 I haven't got many emailing days left. So p.y.ff. out and work it on the keyboars.XXXX

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I love my Dad. I dreamt I was homesick though and went back to Australia and within two hours of being there I was homesick for my house and wanted to come back home. I don't know which is home any more. I also dreamt that a huge white snake tried to eat my laundry and was terrifying me. And there was another dream full of dogs and cats. Dogs, cats, snakes and Freud anyone?

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 3 August 2008

NICE TRY



I don't actually find this funny cause the joke isn't that clever.

WARNING WARNING

So the next link contains explicit sexual content and is not suitable for minors or for the workplace. It is an external link so technically I'm not responsible for the content there.

But check this video of this girl doing herself with a cucumber - and then listen to the 'lyrics' of the euro dance track selected to accompany it. An odd juxtaposition no?

And just for the record, a friend came over to drop off the keys to their house so I can check on it while they are travelling. I said "You know I don't really have anything to talk to you about any more. There isn't anything I want to tell you." My friend told me they saw the Sexual Seduction XXX Snoop Dogg video on YouPorn. So I looked at it and it was totally yawn. I just wanted to make it clear that YouPorn is not something I regularly look at.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. this has reminded me of a funny story about an ex with a cucumber, butter and his bum that an ex of his did. Oh GOD mega lols. Some of the stories I have heard. Life is good folks. Life is good.

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ABOUT ME







xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 2 August 2008

BOOTY EARTHQUAKE

XXCENSOREDXX

xx Lektrogirl

Friday, 1 August 2008

BAR OF SOAP



It has been so embarrassing today. Every time someone comes in over 50 a really filthy song comes on my iPod. Today it was Bone Thugs "I'm too sexy for my mother fucking self and I'm going to fuck her in the ass as well" n Harmony. It was creepy like when a pervy sex scene comes on the TV when you are watching telly with your parents. Then I have to kind of creep round all casual and move onto the next song without looking like I'm doing anything suspicious. Cause then the next song will be something like Pussy Popping of course... My iPod needs washing out with a bar of soap.

But speaking of embarrassing, def not as embarrassing as that video that the two kids made above.

"Added: April 11, 2008 (Less info)
Just a video me and my cousin did...randomly. We're actually black.

We're WAYYY blacker than any of you bitches
Category: Music
Tags: Ecstasy rolling extacy ecstacy ex pills mdma bone thugs harmony music video rap black people white god drugs funny "

Errrr...

I remember watching movies at home on VHS like Tougher Than Leather, Beat Street or New Jack City and Dad trying to sit in on the movies and watching too but he would always give up in disgust cause he couldn't understand how all the black people were talking in the movies completely dumbfounded as to how my sister and I could follow what was going on.

xx Lektrogirl

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EMAIL COMPUTER


IMG_3039, originally uploaded by Dixon Steele.

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BUMMER

An American woman's body had became attached to her boyfriend's toilet after she sat on it for two years, police in Kansas said.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," said Bryan Whipple, the sheriff of Ness County.

It appeared Pam Babcock's skin had grown around the toilet seat, he added. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

The 35-year-old initially refused emergency medical care but her boyfriend, 36, and police officers finally convinced her to go to hospital.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Mr Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."
The county attorney still has to decide whether any charges should be brought against Kory McFarren, the boyfriend.
Mr McFarren told investigators that he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.
"And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow'," Mr Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."
The house in Ness City had a second bathroom that he could use.
On Feb 27, Mr McFarren called police to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend", Mr Whipple said, adding that the man never explained why it took him two years to pick up the phone.
Officers found Miss Babcock sitting on the toilet - fully clothed, except for her tracksuit bottoms pulled down to her mid-thigh.
She was "somewhat disoriented" and her legs looked like they had atrophied, the sheriff said. "She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave."
She was taken to a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles away, where she is in a fair condition.
However, Miss Babcock has since refused to speak to police. Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled.
James Ellis, a neighbour, said Miss Babcock's mother died at a young age and she was apparently mostly kept inside the house where she grew up.
"It really doesn't surprise me," Mr Ellis said of the bathroom incident. "What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a bit earlier."

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DRESSED LIKE A MORMON

Oh Allah. Today was pretty lacklustre. Dinner was pretty dramatic and ended up giving me a stomach ache. I try and be still like a mountain and last for an eternity but the rain is wearing me down. Then my close friend and confidant Alex said I dress like a mormon. Then apparently I am too tall. I got better though when we got out his iPhone and started looking at knickers on the Internet. And then we saw Nadia dressed like a whore on Kingsland Road looking fucking AMAZING. I wanted to stay out longer but I really felt sick to my stomach - so I decided to come home. And what happens when I check my inbox? The second email of the day from my friend from Hamburg Christian Weiß telling me all about his triathlon competitions with pictures [makes me feel guilty cause I never do any exercise], his travelling [makes me feel sad cause I haven't been anywhere since Christmas and I love to travel]. Anyway it's good cause I love pen pals.

Actually me and Alex made some good joke, had a dance and drink and did a fake kiss for Jonjo so it wasn't so bad. It was Max's birthday.

Oh Jah. I'm just writing bullshit now.

I better go to bed.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Just to say I feel like I have committed a great sin by writing 'Oh Allah' instead of 'Oh God' and worry that I will be struck by lightening or stoned by men in the street tomorrow. Perhaps I should call and ask Manara for advice tomorrow and ask her if wearing a scarf to cover my hair will help? Tonight Alex said I dress like a mormon. Shit. I said that already. I'm not drunk I swear.

OMG!!!
XXCENSOREDXX, XXCENSOREDXX's sister apparently got drunk and fucked XXCENSOREDXX!!!!! OF ALL PEOPLE [who apparently licked some girl's arse hole in the toilets of a club until she came and I swear to you she so didn't...] I tell you - when I heard, my jaw dropped. I was reeling. I couldn't fucking believe it. Shock of a lifetime. My days.

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