Thursday, 31 January 2008

FUCK!



I know I just wrote that beautiful letter to Summer but I wouldn't mind a bit of Winter just so I can wear the A.P.C. sailor coat next winter as modelled by Pippa in the A.P.C. showroom on her latest buying appointment in Paris for Shop at Maison Bertaux. I will also have the mango coloured frill neck thing from SONIA by Sonia Rykiel and I'm a bit partial to the stripey black and white number at the end.

Urgh! Life is tough.

Check the Shop at Maison B blog any time you want!

xx Lektrogirl

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DEAR SUMMER





Dear Summer

Yesterday I went into the Old Man Umbrella shop with friend to buy an umbrella. There was an exquisite selection of lady's brollies in the corner with chocolate brown fabrics and mauve tassles. But the air was crisp and the sun was shining and I didn't feel like I needed a new umbrella yesterday. I thought that soon Spring would bounce into my life and Summer would be on the doorstep.

But urgh. No. I didn't even need to open my eyes today to know that it was grey and miserable and raining. Winter - you are not very popular with me.

Apart from the smell of newsprint on the back seat of a car on a hot Summer's day in the 80's, the opression in the tube carriages in the 00's and inflated travel prices online there is not a lot I dislike about you Summer. I don't need to wear all my clothes at once, in fact I can wear very few. Tights good bye! Sunglasses hello! Mango, barbeque, smiles and lobster. Good looking men appear in Summer - all the dark woolly hats and grey scarves matching the "non beard beard" on their face dissapears. Finally we can see you.

Summer, please come soon. I know you are still working in Australia and a Summer there is far better than any Summer could be here in Britain, but there is something quaint and pretty about British people pinking themselves up in Soho parks. And I have a friend who could use some Summer in his life too. Please come soon.

Thanks you for taking the time to listen to me,

Your friend

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 30 January 2008

KOOKKIEE'S HATERS



Yeah bitch, hate on it!

xx Lektrogirl

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123456 BASS (MIX)



This was the December post for The New Dance Show. I haven't stopped watching it since it went online. Some sexual man dancing. About 2 minutes in the music is phenomenal.

Now this show has got to be a winner - Cooking with Coolio.



Remember Gangsters Paradise? I was working in the Joseph consession at Harvey Nichols when that came out. That was my first job in London. We weren't even allowed to wear open toed shoes and we had to wear suits. And I would spend my nights drinking at The Coach and Horses and Riki Tiks, going out in Shorditch didn't even exist then, and clubbing at Smashing on Regent Street. There were girls I worked with a Joseph I wish I was still in contact with - Claudine, Maude and Jessica. And this is where I met Molly [Mollywood] who was to be a long standing partner in crime - not so much these days - but we sure did make a lot of trouble together! This is also where I met Reuben for the first time - covering him on the men's floor when he couldn't be bothered to come home from holiday in France with his girlfriend on time. We first met over the phone when I blasted him for being a loser and that he owed me big time for making me stand downstairs and miss out on all the commission I would have earnt upstairs. It wasn't such a big loss - I met Martin Gore and Fletch from Depeche Mode shopping in there. And when Reuben [Hot Dog] came back, he and his girlfriend Pascale [C.I.B.] became too of my best friends. Good times.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 29 January 2008

HIGHS AND LOWS

Last night I spent struggling under my bath fitting the new shower tap and head into the plumbing. Oh my days, whoever the genius was who engineered the back nuts to be so awkward really deserves their front nuts removing. Never the less, I struggled and swore and totally missed 'City of Vice' but I got the new taps on! Yeah bruv, I love the internet. Everything I know about plumbing I learnt there.



You could not imagine the elation I felt about acheiving this small goal. It lasted about two hours. I was just in the bathroom chilling looking at my new taps when I could hear a drip. Not often and not very big, but with my bat like hearing I could definitely hear it. The isolator valve on the hot tap has spring a pin prick leak. I need to go talk to someone in the bath shop on Holloway Road tomorrow about it - to replace it [I think the actual screw is threaded in the valve switch] looks pretty straight forward, but I could be wrong.

Thankfully, Cardinal is back from Sri Lanka or I would go on and on about plumbing. A bit like the time I ended up vocalising the difference between a laser printer and an ink jet printer for Pippa. Ahhh good times. I met her yesterday early evening. Both of us feeling a bit poorly. We had a glass of wine. She has a TAN and her hair all holidayfied. She looks amazing. Then she gave me a slice of carrot cake she made - it was the best carrot cake ever! THE BEST. I am going to marry her one day. We sat on the sofa checking out different greys on paint colour swatch cards. So romantic.



Anyway - soon I am going to commit suicide on Facebook. I really fucking hate it. I've been the victim of scary profile picture attacks, a sucker for accidently sending out random applications to all my friends [I'm still sorry] and finding out if I was a drug I would be cocaine, but I am going to die from old age. Go figure. AND YOU CAN'T EVEN PIMP YOUR PAGE. Now that Macy's seem to have stopped giving away store cards and $500 all over the place I'm going back to MySpace. I like it there. So come February, Facebook I kill myself in defiance to you. If anyone wants to make a pact let me know. I'm not scared, but it there is something nice about a mass exit.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 28 January 2008

A FOOD DREAM

I didn't dream about food last night, but rather the start of a relationship with in inappropriate man. However while painting over the weekend, I did spend a lot of time thinking about restaurants I have eaten at around the world. One of my top dinners was at this place in New York called Doyers. It is a Vietnamese restaurant on the edge of Chinatown. In fact, down a side street, round a smaller street off that and then down an alleyway. It isn't the most pleasant looking area and the streets, after a busy day of market trading were really stinky. Standing at the top of the stair case, I did have second thoughts about going into this basement restaurant cause I really had no clue what it would be like and with jet lag I wasn't feeling super brave.

BUT WOW I WAS SO GLAD I MADE IT! There are 100's of items on the menu - so what to choose?! There was mountainous plate after plate of food going past us to the tables of other diners and I was trying to match up what I saw with the menu in front of me. I was there with Paul - he tried to order the Vietnamese vegetarian crepes but we were there late and they wouldn't turn the griddle on. Instead we tried the fried Spring Rolls that came with a salad and massive garnish of mint. I had a green papaya and shrimp salad - shredded papaya and halved shrimps topped with mint, coriander and peanuts - enough for three as a starter. We drank beer and Vietnamese coffee and moved onto tasting a Vietnamese sour soup. It is a thin vegetable soup with tamarind, pineapple, bean sprouts, tomato and oriental mushrooms. I ordered tender diced beef, stir fried with onion and served tons of watercress. The beef came with a special dipping sauce made of lemon and pepper. Even though I was already stuffed full it was one of those dishes where I couldn't stop picking at the plate. We had way too much food but all of it was so fresh and clean tasting. Our whole bill came to $30 and was worth every cent.

If you like Vietnamese food go here. If you like adventures go here. If you want an I LOVE NY tshirt get at fake one from the depths of Chinatown for $3 - don't get sucked in and buy one from Little Italy, just one block away- they are $14.99 there and then you can spend the money you save on an extra course at Doyers.

Oh and here's a map cause you are gonna need it.


DOYERS VIETNAMESE RESTAURANT 11 Doyers Street (Chinatown), Manhattan, NY 10013 +1 (212) 693-0725

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 27 January 2008

CALL THE RSPCA

Sorry pets, I have been neglecting you for a number of days I know. Please call the RSPCA if you feel the neglect has been too much. :(

Yesterday was Australia Day!

I sent a text around to my friends to excite them into - I don't know - something. Covvo replied saying "Oh I forgot it was Australia day". The Witch said "I'm having a Milo right now!!" And the typical British Gent, Alex T responded with a picture text of a 'gang' of - who I can only assume to be - Australians [they looked equally British!] outside a pub, drinking. He attached the message "This is why I will not be celebrating Australia day today." At least he wasn't saying I turned him of Australians.

Let's celebrate some great Australians!

Phar Lap!


Errol Flynn

Just for the record, he is also Tasmania.

Acca Dacca

Check out Angus' license to sell hot dogs. [He's fly is low in a live show.]

Dame Edna Everage AND Jason Donovan


xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 25 January 2008

JEAN TOUITOU'S BLOG

JEAN TOUITOU EST LE CRÉATEUR DE LA MARQUE FRANCAISE A.P.C. CRÉÉE EN 1987. IL VIT ET TRAVAILLE A PARIS
ジャン・トゥイトゥーはフランスのファッションブランド A.P.C.を1987年に設立。パリで活動している。

Didn't know I could type in Japanese huh? Well I can't. I just copied and paste that part from the header of Jean Touitou's Blog, which is called just that.

Things I know about Jean Touitou:
He is the creater of A.P.C.
He works in France
He used to work for Joseph
He collaborated with Jessica Ogden on the A.P.C. Madras range
Max and Pippa have met him

Things I learnt about Jean Touitou tonight from reading his blog:
His notes are FUCKING hilarious
His photos are AMAZING and also hilarious
He only has two friends that are the same age
His office is now in the A.P.C. recording studio
He discovered a particular species of youth the "fringed whore"

Monsier Touitou - please excuse me for ripping your work to put on the Maison B blog. But more people just have to see it!

And blog readers, below is a selection of stuff I have snatched from the Jean Touitou Blog at honeyee.com
I suggest you visit there as quickly as possible it is inspiring and HILARIOUS.


I wish this car mine.
この車が欲しいなあ。

I walk into the club, Judith , Christopher and myself are astounded : The young only think about their hair, and the old are just too ugly.
ジュディットとクリストファーと一緒にクラブへ入った瞬間、三人で唖然としてしまった。若い連中はみんな自分のヘアスタイルのことしか考えていない。一方、年寄は醜いなんてもんじゃない。

Type of youth who only thinks about his hair, fingering it every thirty seconds .
I also call this species of youth " fringed whore" .
自分の髪のことしか頭にない若い子のスタイル。30秒おきに自分の髪を触るタイプだ。僕はこういう人種を
" fringed whore"とも呼ぶ。



Can anybody believe it's so complicated to get out of the toilets ?
You never know what button needs to be pushed to flush that thing.
お手洗いにこんなに複雑な機械があるって、信じられるかい?
流すのに、どのボタンを押せばいいのか、さっぱりわからない。


I am working on a dress for Sofia Coppola. It's fun to make the outmoded posture of a fashion designer at work. Here I play an ironic comedy about myself.
ソフィア・コッポラのためのドレスを製作中なんだ。いかにも昔のクチュリエの様な時代外れの古くさいポーズをとるのが面白かった。自分に対する皮肉った演出をして遊んでみた。

And the joke about the Italian women's shoes you will have to flick through the blog and find yourself cause I can't find it again now. I snorted laughing! But there a loads of pictures of food, behind the scenes at A.P.C., Jessica Ogden on holiday and pictures from gigs and studios. Everything in English and Japanese - a nice treat for some I am sure.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 23 January 2008

FLICKR DOCUMENTS ART

Because two gas men came to inspect all the gas fittings in the house for the landlord I was interrupted in my trail searching Flickr and now I can't remember how I got here. But check out the great signs for health that have been documented by Elishacookjr. AMAZING.













I love those kinds of posters. These particular ones remind me of a hairdresser in Zurich [that used to be on the same street as "Clit Care" the lesbian sex shop] with a sign outside with all the different kinds of hair styles painted on a board just like this with a number next to them all so you could ask for the different braids and fades. I know, Zurich doesn't sound really afrocentric does it?

Another odd place to find this kind of signage is in the stairwell of a squat in Dresden. The pictue of the blue one is a bit shit but Lu was starting to get a bit annoyed with me for stopping to take pictures of everything.




This dude looks like he is washing his hands in porridge with radioactive poos on his shirt.

I think that generally there should be more of this posters even here in London. They really are good to tek we yuself and help you avoid diseases that put u onnu bad mind.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 22 January 2008

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

As I go through the piles of random stuff I have stored away in all sorts of places [rent books from when I lived in the homeless persons unit paying 6 pounds per week rent, passport photos and flyers from parties I DJ's at around Europe for example] I have had some wonderful things to think about in my head from - and I'm sure it will suprise many of you - the incredibly spiritual DJ Venom.

Just now he hit me up with an email:

"Philippa's the brunette Cat Blanchett [sic]. Discuss?"

I could only reply that there was nothing to be said cause it is true.

Last night I was asked "Describe Prancehall."

The only response I could think of was "The best thing to happen to UK Grime in the last two years."

Jo Mitchell also phoned me so we were able to discuss in detail Denzel Washington in the movie Training Day. Her favourite part is at the beginning where Denzel flicks all the switches in his car for the hydraulics and Dr Dre comes on the sound system. I prefer towards the end where Denzel looses it a bit and cried out into the ghetto streets "King Kong's got nothing on me!!" [I wonder if he ad libbed that part?]It is interesting perhaps to note at this point that Rick Ross also refers to his crew as gorillas and there is also the INCREDIBLY SPIRITAL cry R. Kelly makes in his song "Snake" - LIKE TWO GORILLAS IN THE JUNGLE MAKING LOVE !! Totally sexual spiritual vibes.

Anyway this line of conversation referencing big strong men and gorillas leads me to another Denzel Washington movie which I caught the end of on TV last night. WOW! Unbelieveable. I can't be bothered to get up and find the Heat magazine with the name of the movie in it. But it was about College football in a time where racism towards a black coach was more overt than it is today [maybe]. There were some monkey "jokes" in it and Denzel even threw a banana. But basically good triumphs over evil though someone ends up in a wheelchair in this movie too.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 21 January 2008

INTERNET PRANK CALLER



Check out the Internet prank caller. He sits at home all day on the internet cause he's got nothing to do.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Thanks Japps

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TRAINING DAY

I FINALLY got to see Training Day that Jo "To Pimping!" Mitchell has been going on about for so long. It stars Denzel Washington [I have a minor obsession with his acting ability], Ethan Hawke [I fucking HATE him] SNOOP DOGG as a wheelchair bound crack dealer and Dr Dre as a rogue cop [a bit like Ice T in Law and Order only scarey.]


If you don't believe me about Snoop Dogg, start watching about 5 minutes in - I nearly cried laughing. Sadly I promised Carrie that she could have Snoop and I would stick with R Kelly yesterday in Jerk City but it was kind of a fake promise - I was secretly thinking "Yeah I will say it here for arguments sake but deep down we know Snoop is mine." So sorry Carrie. I lied in the name of love.

Other people being fake in town have got found out big time tho'. XXCENSOREDXX got caught out telling XXCENSOREDXX one thing and then telling XXCENSOREDXX something so different it's laughable. I have screen grabs of both conversations where XXCENSOREDXX tells the story and the poor quality lying is just embarrassing. LOSER.

But back to Denzel Washingtons and his acting ability. If it wasn't for the poor acting of Ethan Hawke and his jarring appearance every time he was on screen I could have been lead to believe that this was a real life portrayal of the ghetto so convincing was Denzel. He continued to employ his stiff neck head bobbing thing that Bill Cosby also uses to great effect when making a serious point. The midnight murderers who played their roles with balaclavas and big black van were neither predictable or an overused archetype in a Hollywood movie. They way Denzel's body convulsed as he was being riddled with bullets from automatic weapons what definitely watching the whole movie for.

I would have loved to watch the movie the whole way through in Spanish:


I was talking Jo Apps last night who is in Philadelphia and loving it I understand. We discussed the public physical fight between two men in Fabric the other night. As Jo Apps said "What is London coming to with all this violence going on? Everyone is going to be running round with guns come picnic season!" I have to say that I have witnessed the harsh reality of how life could be when watching Training Day if everyone doesn't take a step back and a deep breath. If you haven't seen it already I implore you to watch Training Day, the "Cool and exciting" and "Cracking cop drama... refreshing to see a thriller worthy of the label" for which Denzel Washington received an Acadamy Award in 2001 for his Leading Role for some home truths and watch Good triumph over Evil.

xx Lektrogirl

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IS IT THAT EASY?



Thanks maf*pHew

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 18 January 2008

WE KEEP EATING

So, if you have a healthy Flickr Food appetite may I remind you about my Flickr group WE ATE IT. Abbie thought it was going to be some group about poo sex when I sent the invitations. I am glad she finally joined cause she has added some great food pics. Plus she is moving to Berlin soon - imagine all the sausage pictures she will be able to add. Man I'm gonna miss her! Anyway, check this out all the way from Williamsburg


Ina Featherbed's AMAZING picture from Pies and Thighs.


And this picture of Ina Featherbed's reminds me of Manara for some reason.


And this beautiful sandwich from Spain.

Did anyone see that really weird show of Jamie Oliver's the other night where he had that doctor who cuts people up on it to show how a 25 stone body looks vs a 12 stone body and then Jamie did all these weird pseudo scientific "experiments" and demonstrations in the studio with "members of the British public" like tipping fat on them or cooking a piece of goose liver for fois gras to show how much fat is in it while dressed in a black suit and wearing brown shoes. Pukka mate. I think that skinny witch Gillian McKeith was far better at grossing people out about the content of the food they ate - remember the hotdog pig snout thing with the whiskers? - or OMG remember the episode where "Dr" Gillian did line dancing?

xx Lektrogirl

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ANOTHER DAY

Last night's dreams were intense. I was trying to find a dress and a pair of gold shoes. I woke up this morning to read a text from Cardinal in Sri Lanka that she had seen elephants and was off to a beach BBQ - so jealous. Last time she text me, she told me she had seen monkies. I saw woman from the pub at the end of the street going out on an errand the other day...

I notice that Prancehall, who has been recently having a go at Style Slut for ripping things of his blog has been visiting my blog and getting URLS for YouTube videos and putting on his. It isn't the first time. Having this leave from work I know what it is like to sit around bored off my face and too much internet tho'...

Mandy Smith
Positive Reaction

Here I present Mandy to you - the 17 year old PWL / Stock Aitken and Waterman star. Check her out - I think she makes the ideal girlfriend material for DJ Venom. Only she married Bill Wyman. In 1983, as a 13-year old child, she started dating the then 47-year-old Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman. The two eventually married in 1989 and divorced in 1991. She probably isn't that hot now. I love how there is so much smoke to cover up the fact she probably hasn't got really masterful footwork. They did this to The Reynolds Girls too quite often. Poor Mandy - she should have had a bit of "Eyes and Teeth" dance training.

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 17 January 2008

MICHAEL BOW

FREAK IT OUT / FREAK IT IN

[Videobuff's voiceover is INCREDIBLE too.]

LOVE AND DEVOTION


ONE SHOT / SO HOT


This is the kind of music I was clubbing to when I first started going out underage. I guess it explains a lot. We drank Midori and Lemonade [a hairdresser's drink YGM] and wore neon lycra and feathers. I just remembered about Michael Bow cause I have been sorting through all my old 7" records wondering what to do with them. I used to DJ at the Dogstar on Sunday afternoons for Nervous Stephen and that is where the 7" habit came from. R.I.P. Beano's in Croydon!!

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 16 January 2008

TURN OFF THE COMPUTER

You know it is time to do something else when you find stuff like this:



And obviously Venom is very good at his job writing reviews for whatever he does:


He forgot the parts about obsessions with bras, Javier Bardem, Alex T and tiling.

He also claimed that his dick is like a can of Red Bull [can I write that Venom?] and that I would definitely get some black dick on the weekend if I came to Fabric. Unfortunately, I am already going to a sleepover at a lesbians house on Friday where I am sure the activity will be a lot like 2 minutes into this video clip:


It's "No More Love" from 1933.

xx Lektrogirl

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LUCKY MAIL DAY

I've been off work for a week and there are another two weeks to go. What is better to brighten then dark days than some BANGING treats that have come in the mail!?

My postman is unfortunately a really strange looking Fanta Pants. A bit like Ian off Shameless, with super red hair and red skin. I opened the door to him the other morning in my PJ's and witches hair and saw his skin has not improved since I saw him last. He handed me a little box all the way from Germany - Drx and Olia! What could it be?


An F... Dog of course! What exactly the F... could possibly mean I don't know. But this is the best USB stick I have been given in my life. [To be fair, it is the only one.] Sadly, there is no loop for a lanyard which is the only fault to find with this product but I shall be so happy to carry him in my Marc Jacobs zip purse in my Marni bag and let him out for a run whenever I need to transfer information.

I'm a little bit horrified by my nails in that picture - but this is all because the grouting is finished.


I just put up all the mosaic tiles. I'm not responsible for the big ones. I have also cleaned the walls about 1000 times to get rid of all the excess grout. That shit gets everywhere.

What I wore clubbing in the 90's to Rephlex Raves with Nike ACG trainers, camo army surplus jackets, a fluorescent pink Speedo swimming costume, combat trousers and neon eye shadow has become a home decorators stable fashion garment. These tracky-daks were from Primark on Kilburn High Road when there were still IRA bomb stores getting discovered there. The Verve were my next door neighbours and Brian Eno lived a few doors down. Sometimes we'd see Bono popping in to his studio for a visit.

So back to my mail box:




The long awaited 7" from Mash Gordon released on Les Armees des BonBons - another present from The Fatherland. I was super happy to receive this. I have heard that the guys are recording a new album this year in their Dresden studio. So cool. In summer maybe I will go visit them. I remember when I visited in winter last time - I had my headlights on 24/7. And I don't mean on a car.

I was also happy to see that Sish-Tick has done the cover for the record. I first saw the work of Sish-Tick when first met Mash Gordon.




Why is it always have such babe hair in photos but in real life it looks like the tail end of a witches broomstick?

And finally BIG UPS TO PAUL GORMAN with his book The Look which documents British Fashion and it's life with music from all the way back from the 50's to today. His book has made it to the top 10 books on British Fashion in the Independant.

The Look Blog is also always and interesting read!

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Watched the Real Life FBI files last night about a serial murderer and rapist. Could help but think of this anti rape condom Covvo sent me the link for.

Oh and how great am I? I blogged about the Australian dude below with the sunglasses that are "too famous" who wrecked his neighbourhood before it was even on the Channel 4 news.

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Tuesday, 15 January 2008

NO JOKE

Monday, 14 January 2008

OLD LADY

Prancehall has just learnt about tektonik / jumpstyle / Melbourne shuffle when we were all talking about it on Nasty Nets [not a porn site, promise] back in September 07. Some of you more dedicated fans of my blog will remember me blogging about the little meuf Yelle who sang the shitty song about Cuisinier and TTC back in August 07 and the the next track she had remixed - A Cause des Garcons - a Tektonik version - which I was totally in love with.

Anyway thankfully Prancehall has finally caught up cause I was reminded and went searching for un update par les clubbeurs et voila:




You also need to check out this community for these people. Here is Karmapa92. I don't need to link more - it is finally 2008 and you all know how to work the Internet.

C'est trop rupture! LOL.

xx Lektrogirl

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MY SECOND OBSESSION

First bras and now my interest in Javier Bardem grows:


Penelope Cruz! How could he... TOM CRUISE'S SLOPPY SECONDS?

Here we have the real life Javier Badem and Penelope Cruz:

It is Ramiro and his babe girlf Sandra.


WARNING: OVER 18's ONLY and NOT MY PARENTS

Also, adam_roll2000 has been favouriting my photos.

He is definitely not shy.


Let's check some of Adam's other favourites in my new online exhibition called "ADAM'S FAVOURITES":







I really love Flickr and other people's pictures that you can spy on.

xx Lektrogirl

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I WISH IT WAS SUMMER

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THE BUSH

Someone told me yesterday that they had sex with XXCENSOREDXX who has a really hairy fanny. I am really surprised by that news! I can't explain how my mind works at the best of times but a detail like someones minge I will think about for a long time. I was watching Sense and Sensibility or Pride and Prejudice or something on TV eating a FISH PIE with an added can of Tuna and chopped chicory all mushed in thinking about the news I had heard. Probably, I should have let it go.

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 13 January 2008

MS PAINT PORN

Oh God! My mind is totally fucking BLOWN!! MS PAINT PORN.

NOT IDEAL FOR WORK, FREAKS








How about Hitler Farting on an Alien?!



Slut takes a giant black dildo in the cunt Fat ugly bitch rides fencepost Green haired boy plays with pink dildo Blonde loves her big red dildo Hardcore lesbian SAUCEPAN ACTION Blonde has fun with a big dildo Girl has a flaming candle up her ass
Lesbians go at it with double ended dildo Dominatrix fucks her boyfriend in the ass with a strapon



AND MORE HERE!!!


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MY MIND WANDERS

Well the work in the bathroom grouting has gone so slowly - so boring. But while I work I have had a lot of time to think about all kinds of stuff - like particularly who is the hottest actor at the moment IMHO.

It all started when the ads came on TV for that new movie "No Country for Old Men". Though I don't have much of a clue as to what the movie about, I kept seeing this guy

shooting people and acting really weird and dark thinking "Fuck he's hot!" But somewhere in my mind I kept thinking - I've seen that guy somewhere before, but crying. WHO IS HE?

Google called and I soon learned the killer of my dreams is a Spanish actor called Javier Bardem. But there was still something not right. This guy definitely needs the psycho bowl cut for me to feel his vibe. The guy I remember thinking TOTAL BABE was definitely crying and definitely has short hair. THEN IT CLICKED!!

The guy I was really in love with was Denny Duquette! OMG! The man who was dying in his hospital bed that was having a relationship with the babe nurse Izzy in Grey's Anatomy.

Here we see [real name] Jeffrey Dean Morgan looking amazing. Point to note - JDM will never be amazingly famous cause he has a bad name.

So I had to get on AIM and tell my friend Ramiro all about it - and even he was astounded as to how similar the two men are:

Spit roast anyone? That is enough to make me kick an own goal, YGM?

Back grouting, I thought about it further - a psycho killer and someone with a fatal illness. It is a documented fact I am also in love with Owen Wilson who we all know tried to top himself not that long ago over that What's-Her-Name.

Amazing! Can you just imagine the photographer and the stylist at this shoot. It makes me cry lauging thinking about it. But even so - BABE. What is up with me though falling for all these weirdos?

I had a rethink over a Milo [it's Australian, Google it.] And of course - HOW COULD I FORGET NICK STOKES!! Only in the era without the moustach. YGM?! I love facial hair but not a little mo.

So here is Agent Nick Stokes from CSI Crime Scene Investigation [the Vegas one.] Tell me, who wouldn't want one of Nick Stokes digits poking around in one of your orifices laid out on a slab? I for one can raise my hand high in the air and say ME PLEASE. Until I saw this...


George Eades au natural. He might as well be in the fucking L'Oreal Dandruff commercial saying "Hey babe wanna root?"

Even speaking with a dirty French accent can't save him.

God... so who is left?

Vincent D'Onofrio?

It seems XXCENSOREDXX is luckier than I am right now. He tells me he has a new lady who is rich and wears Jimmy Choo's. That could be any WAG. I wonder if he is having an illicit affair with Posh Spice or even Danielle Lloyd?

Last night we went to the Walthamstow Dogs to wish Jo Apps a bon voyage.


Ronojoy trying to tickle Carrie's fancy.


Jo and her boyfriends.

xx Lektrogirl

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A NEW APPOINTMENT

It is official. Alex Torrance is now my new sub-editor. It is because he plays a lot of Scrabble and he noted that there were no apostrophies in the dog racing program that I think he qualifies for the role.

Let it be said that the opinions expressed in this blog are not neccessarily shared by Alex. Nor will he ever know who all the XXCENSOREDXX's are.

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 11 January 2008

GROUT

I can say with some authority that grouting is one of the most boring and time consuming tasks the ancient Greeks invented. I will also be using more than one tube of 8 Hour Cream on my hands tonight.

But I feel sorry for this lady -


Nerves or what?

xx Lektrogirl

YESTERDAY


With recent events in my life, it has taken me a while to get this thing online. I challenge everyone to nominate a better Facebook Grafitti Artist than Nicholas Abrahams. Here he has depicted a more realistic scene than that depicted on my birthday cake. Even though my mother's work came from actual photographs of R Kelly and I, somehow Abrahams seems to have captured something MORE. WHAT A GENIUS. I would prefer to think we were sucking car exhaust fumes though from a tailpipe than a bong. Cause I don't do drugs. Maybe something from a V8 engine machine - maybe like a Ford Cobra



or even this


check the number plate!

Just for your information - cars like this are all over still in Australia.

Yesterday was really a nice chilled out day - except for the part where I got really rained on. I went and met XXCENSOREDXX for coffee at Flat White. Oh the coffee was AMAZING. XXCENSOREDXX was quite jealous I new a number of the staff by name. Then off to snoop through Liberty and see what Spring Summer 2008 collections were in store.

Well!! Forget See by Chloe for this season unless you want to look like a 5 year. There were also a number of dresses that looked sneakily too much like other designers collections - one dress in fact was a total Marni knock off. Besides, you know that the whole collection will be ripped off in H&M and Top Shop by next week.

Marni knock off. I remember seeing the Marni one in a magazine which was grey with the grey painterly brush print thinking "Oh that would look great on a fat girl like me." I actually really liked the Marni one. Maybe I will make my own dress with a cut off t-shirt and some vintage fabric.

Pussy Pelmet. I can tell you know that this is going to be a big look for AW08 - so you better get some big knickers or your filet mignon's are going to be available to all and sundry. After Liberty I went to see Pippa at Maison B - I wish I had photographed the page out of the A.P.C. catalogue for SS08 cause there is a practically identical dress to this on a far more sour faced girl, except the dress was even shorter. The print was the same colour as well.

Having said that, there was a lot of REALLY NICE A.P.C. stuff in that look book and I'm waiting for my bag that I ordered when I was over in Paris with Max and Pippa in the A.P.C. studio. BRING IT ON!

So after half of an eclair with Pippa, I went up stairs to see the Noel Fielding painting exhibition. I really didnt like about 98% of it. What I do like is that Tania from Maison Bertaux has started curating these exhibitions in the the upstairs tea rooms. I think it is a really wonderful thing.

Anyway - sorry I'm rambling.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 9 January 2008

I ALWAYS THINK IM FINISHED

Then I find something else:





Both brutal

xx Lektrogirl

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CUTE OVERLOAD

Saw a photographer friend yesterday who has super smart new hair. He looked incredible. He showed me a website: Cute Overload. Totally cute!! But I have to say I was very surprise to NOT be able to find this old Juvenile classic on the site at all. A lot of cuteness there - especially from the "Dick Bandit". LOL.



ANYWAY

Did anyone see the NEW SERIES START OF CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION on Five last night? Oh God! Big news in Little China. Even though large chunks of Sara Sidle wandering around in the desert off her face with dehydration and pain from a broken arm in 40 degree heat was a bit too much like watching a Gorilla's video - all skinny legs and flared jeans and a monkey's jaw. And then when tubby Grissom runs over to a body he thinks is hers I wondered how much of him they strap in while in "costume" with the vest thing he has to wear. Almost portly! But at last they caught the Minatures Killer. What a no-one she turned out to be, but I'm sure that isn't the last we hear about her. I am just sad that I couldn't make it through another rewind of CSI Miami to witness the new season Law and Order.

ALSO


Happy Birthday to my dear dear friend Goon. I LOVE YOU!! Have a fabulous day!!!

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 7 January 2008

XXCENSOREDXX


So, I now have a picture of XXCENSOREDXX and I keep it in my oyster card wallet. When you tap in, you don't even have to open the card wallet so it isn't as romantic as it sounds I guess. What is very romantic is that he has my birthday written in his Smythsons birthday book. I am guessing that XXCENSOREDXX is trying to seduce me for my Marni bag.

XXCENSOREDXX and I met tonight and had some incredible gossiping. I heard the most gruesome and fabulous story about two gay men. Gayer 1 went into the bathroom of Gayer 2 and started snooping through the cupboards [as you do. I hate it when you do that and the bathroom cabinet has a massive door bang that you aren't expecting or something] and found some jumbo tampons. Gayer 1 was really confused cause Gayer 2 was living alone and had no sister / friend that would have reason to leave jumbo tampons in his bathroom cabinet. At the time, XXCENSOREDXX and I were eating these layered cakes, the bottom layer seemed to have absorbed a rather large amount of liquid. It was quite strange and was rather unpleasant to eat. Even more so as this story progressed. So Gayer 1 didn't know what to do. He was curious about the tampons but didn't know how to ask without appearing as though he had been poking through all the cupboards in the bathroom. Finally Gayer 1's curiosity got the better of him and his asked Gayer 2 about it who was totally casual and replied "They are like for you know, after fisting I used them for absorbing all the slops."

I had to put my fork down.

After trying to get away with paying the wrong bill that was 5 pounds cheaper than the correct one, XXCENSOREDXX and I went for an evening stroll to Carnaby Street. I wish again I could make it out to be romantic, but it was just so that XXCENSOREDXX could use the free ATMs there. On the way you will never guess what we saw:


None other than London's number 1 urban blogger moonlighting in the Agent Provocateur window for some extra cash in a dishevilled Danielle Lloyd WAG wig and an ill fitting bra on the right cup. The pair of mannequins were standing in saw dust pretending to be at the circus. You could almost smell the piss from outside the window.

Finally, check out Pippa's latest video. I'm not really sure what it is for but my friend Alex looks amazing in it. [She is the one with the doll face and the bobbed hair]


xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 6 January 2008

I HOPE EVERY WEEKEND IS LIKE THIS

Some parts a bit boring but mostly BRILLIANT

While you were all still asleep in bed nursing hangovers of giant proportions [I wish I had gone to the Louis Enchante Real Gold thing at the OBL...] I got up at 8am this morning to start my tiling project. Oh what larks! I didn't realise that the adhesive was going to be like spreading a mousse like pate [same colour] and not some plasticy shit that I thought it would be. It was super fun!


I still have to put the grout in between the tiles, but that will have to wait til next weekend. You can see the really annoying shit part in the corner where the walls are really crooked. Other than that, I am so thrilled with my work. Venom reckons he is gonna come around and check my work. I challenge him to bring a spirit level and catch me out. My mother told me that tiling is so easy a moron could do it. Someone else told me it was really hard and they offered to give me 75 quid to stop me from doing it myself. I'm pleased enough with my work that I could start charging other people 75, drink all their tea, stink of cigarettes and leave a sloppy egg and beans grog bog in their toilet for my work.

Yesterday was a little more elegant. I met Abbie and Lee at the Camden Arts Centre on Finchley Road to go and check out that exhibition curated by that guy Steven Claydon who was in Add N to X. The exhibition is called "Strange Events Permit Themselves the Luxory of Occuring." As we sat in the cafe afterwards waiting for our salad and what was claimed to be the best coffee in North London, I said "Well thank God we didn't have to pay entry into that exhibition." The others agreed. There were one or two good things. There was a really boring movie about a Memphis "Carlton Bookcase" with two industrious art students taking notes. Abbie was trying to psychically will me out of the room - she wanted to see who out of the pair of us would buckle first. It was me... Although I love Memphis design and always have. It was really popular in Tasmania about 10 years later... LOL. You can see heaps of it in design everywhere there. Even in Melbourne Airport there is some mural thing which screams Memphis. Anyway...


Covvo. She had peppermint tea which they didn't get wrong at the cafe. But as she noted it was only a tea bag in water.

The one thing I liked was an oil painting by Francis Picabia from the 1940's. It was a figurative painting. There was a woman in seams stockings and black frilled tulle knickers looking like she was climbing into an embrace with a wooden African fertility statue. The seams on her stockings looked like the seams on a pastie. I can't remember the name of the painting. I tried to Google it but to no avail.

Later that night we went to Ping Pong for dinner.

I don't know why I ordered these, but I was craving them when I saw it on the menu. There is something weirdly Australian and 70's about the combination of chicken and pineapple in a little pie. They were great! However, Ping Pong has nothing on Alan Yau's restaurant Yauatcha. [WAG1 - LOL - that works on so many levels for me...] Even though the prices are way cheaper. Three of us had dinner there on Sunday and it was I think 45 quid. Where as at Yauatcha it is more like 45 per head. And the cocktails at Ping Pong are def not as good.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Covvo has the Prada phone!

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Saturday, 5 January 2008

NEW TRINA



Thanks Jo!

And cause it isn't a real video, here is a nice treat.

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REPORT FROM STARBUCKS

I was ravenous until I saw the girls 2 fat cold sores on the lis of the girl who served me. I managed to turn it round though and I'm enjoying a Gingerbread Latte / Soya Milk / No cream earwigging on two Frenchies on holiday loving the books they bought in Borders. I could think of better places to be on holiday in London tho than the 02 centre. it reminds me of "Good Times" back when I was living in the homeless womens shelter not far from here with a budget of £41 per month... It lived on sausage rolls and snow peas and muesli served with tap water. Thankfully soon after Pippa and Max saved me and gave me a job. for which I am eternally grateful.

xx Lektrogirl

Friday, 4 January 2008

TO LAUGH OR CRY


Why am I sitting here at home like a miserable old witch? I have a box and some tin foil...


Ooops. Just found some entertainment.

UNDERWEAR

Sitting here waiting for tiles to get delivered isn't much fun when all the calls and mail to the house so far to day has been for Paul.

So I have started on my bathroom tiling project in anticipation! I need a blade for cutting metal, but I will get one on Saturday.



Then I polished all my wine glasses, all the champagne glasses and all the martini glasses I have and put them in my cocktail cabinet which used to be full of Gameboy Cartridges. I'm procrastinating from sorting my 7" record collection and getting rid of the ones I don't want. I feel a bit of a traitor to an old friend, Nervous Stephen when I say that. But times pass. So then to keep myself occupied I have gone back to my second favourite internet occupation after eBay, and that is cruising lingerie online stores. AP still isn't on sale - which I have to say isn't much cause I have pretty much everything I want from there already. I really just looking forward to the new stuff. Then I check the figleaves site for the Princesse Tam Tam stuff which is now 70% FYI but I have everything I want from that too. So I finally remembered this website, Insinuate, that Alex Sturrock sent me once that some friend of his runs that has amazing bra's on it. Alex Sturrock was making jokes about something else when he sent it - I don't think he realises that I am "the girl with the thing".


I am loving the Goldie Bra. This is going to be perfect for my bit role in CSI Crime Scene Investigation when I get poisoned in a club or something as a scabby show girl. Another thing I didn't tell you all is that I had plastic surgery while I was away and this picture is no stolen from the Insinuate website but is actually me. Haven't the scars healed well. They did a lot of work but it must have been the fresh Tassie air.


The thought of me wearing this actually horrifies me a bit. What I actually like are the wrist cuffs. They would make amazing bracelets to wear with my Marni bag.


Check out this picture with the amazing flesh coloured modesty panel that looks like a pair of grannies tights! LOL! I am loving this though and this would be great to wear - though after getting busted in Paris wearing an open bra when my shirt burst open was pretty embarressing. Advice would be to wear this garment with caution. Like the girls at AP say "this one is more of a bedroom bra..." but stuff that! This is definitely a something to style with acid wash denim.

If you want to check out the whole Insinuate shop, check here.


So doesn't my life sound like it could possibly be a bit like this - cruising, cocktail glasses and lingerie!

xx Lektrogirl

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KARAOKE CHALLENGE

HEY YOU!! You know who I mean!!

Thanks for giving me this... I will never sleep now.

This is OUR SONG? Well I challenge you to sing this at karaoke! Cursing me with this song was pretty heavy! LOL.

Anyway majority audience, this is one for you.

Just checking up on my buddy Babyjoker21 to see how his Christmas went. GREAT CHOICE OF TRACK. There is nothing sweeter than R Kelly with the water drop snare.
I don't think I would want to unwrap my presents after this happened in front of them. Finally I think I have been pushed to my limit with the hip rolling. Particularly when he takes his top off and you get to see that he is wearing little budgie smuggler panties with those white tracky daks and socks. The outfit is wrong. Now that XXCENSOREDXX has come clean about thinking I'm a bitch etc, there is no way I will ever get to be able to restyle Ruff Sqwad! Maybe I'm gonna have to contact these guys. [Hang on - was XXCENSOREDXX hating on me when he used my post about the Ruff Sqwad fashion commentary on his blog? Weird.

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 3 January 2008

WE ATE IT

Today I started a Flickr Group called WE ATE IT which you can see here flickr.com/groups/weateit. Given the nature of the shit that has happened on my blog recently it is sadly not an open group and you can join by invitation only. But if you want to join, let me know and I'll invite you no worries.

Basically, my new group is to feed something other than my appetite - it's my obsession with plate photography. I'm not the only one that does this. Some people I've inspired and others already had the piglet in them!

Look at this beautiful cake from Bok Bok


And this from Rat Boy David Robertson. I have to say that this looks fucking disgusting. I can see he has had a drink of his coke and hasn't touched anything else yet...




Here are a couple of personal favourites from my collection - which dominates the group at the moment but I've invited plenty and I hope they all find time to upload their foodaholic photos.

I went into the West End this arvo and saw Cardinal and we had a looooong afternoon tea at the Heals Meals cafe. The service was absolutely appauling and Philippa was right when she said that they should have made it more like Alice in Wonderland in there. Unfortunately, it was the second time I had been there and the service really was rubbish then too. But the cakes we had tonight were pretty good. I gave Philippa a bottle of Apple Liqueur from the Lark Distillery in Tasmania for Souvenir / Late Birthday present and a Tasmanian Devil oven mit. She liked them both and I was very pleased. The day I visited the Lark Distillery it was really fun. Mum nearly fell down a stair there which was pretty funny and it was 10.30am and the girl serving us was really helpful and wrote out loads of recipies for me to give to Philippa. Then the girl gave me a shot of Bush Liqueur which I really wasn't sure about cause I hadn't eaten any breakfast yet - but I have to tell you that this stuff was pretty amazing on an empty stomach. In fact it felt great! Check out the distillery here.

Then I saw Abbie and Lee who were talking about moving to Germany because one of them may have a job there. I felt much happier coming home today than I did when I set out. But fuck me it's freezing.

For the rest of the evening I am going to spend researching tiles and water pressure guauges to see how many bars my water pressure is to get the right shower fitting for my house. I am really nervous about starting work on Monday - there is a lot going on and my job role changed a bit before I left for my holiday last year.

And I worked out my New Years Resolution [Abbie's is to be Pescetarian to cut down on Global Warming] - I am going to make my house nice while there is no-one here to mess it up but me!

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 2 January 2008

FRIEND FOR LIFE


Jo M might joke over The Denzel and Wesley Snipes and his Private Party to which I'm cordially invited but R Kelly is always going to be my number one guy. He has a song for all seasons. I certainly have a friend in R Kelly.

So, I had a friend who was asked to test Posh Spices Vegan Diet for Closer Magazine. She has to have before and after pictures and you know what they told her? They said she had to come in for the before picture as fat as possible. Like to bulk up. So wrong. I never read those stupid diet things anyway.

And here I am back in London yesterday unpacking my bag.

Still exxxplosive. LOL.

Tonight I'm feeling a bit let explosive fucked up with jet lag but I have had some amazing chats with people online and catching up on all the gossip. Apparently a certain IDM Fanta Pants [I guess though you would call him Tango Pants here] has been bored at home posting shit on loads of peoples blogs and stirring up shit for everyone. I mean - what is going on here people?! Him and my personal hater - both cunts.

Oh speaking of four letter words and the like - the Restaurant Adviser on Facebook wouldnt let me use the word "cum". I was using it writing a sentence with an Australian accent... I had to spell it properly. I thought that was a bit cheap of them.


Here is the last picture from my Tasmania holiday before I got on the plane.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 1 January 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR!


Like I said on my Flickr, I knew that 2008 is going to be a lucky year. Plus all the women's magazines that I have been reading in airports and planes the last couple of days have also said that 2008 is a really hot year for Sagittarians.

It feels weird to be "home". I'm really really looking forward to seeing my friends again but London is like a ghost town and it is cold and dark. And arriving back to a lot of bitching and backstabbing from one particular hater was really awful - it had little effect on me - cause like so what? but it really hurt other people. That's not fair and that sucks whoever you are you loser. Maybe it is the person I know who is so nice to my face, and when I asked them once about rumours they had been bitching their heart out about me they denied it. And now I found out for a fact whenever my name is mentioned they go gung ho with the evil tongue. So I'm just another person now joining the queue to call them a two faced spineless twerp. Happy new year to you! All that was my last day of 2007. It can definitely stay there.

So what up for 2008?
I don't have any resolutions. I was thinking of some on the plane back from Australia. I was thinking "Maybe I should try and get with a man older than me for a change. Or at least 35. Or at least between 30 and 35." But as it happens, I'm a terrible judge of age and people who I think are older always turn out to be in their twenties. Maybe I just can't helping being the kind of girl who always has to crack a Pepsi Max [cause I like the taste of the NextGeneration. LOL!] So I decided that I can't be even bothered. Nobody has dared tell me to my face that I look 35 and everyone has faked really good shock when they have found out I'm not in my late twenties. Which I am to date eternally grateful.

I have a few ideas for things I would like to do but I wouldn't call them resolutions. Do I need one?

I miss my sister like crazy - she really is the best.


xx Lektrogirl