BODY KISS

When doves cry.

I have been listening to nothing by The Isley Brothers for the last couple of days. I reckon I could be a great mini cab driver soon. I just have to be able to deal with the smell of those trees. Anyway there are two songs you really need to check out - one is called "I Like" written by and featuring R Kelly and Snoop Dogg. The other one is called "Body Kiss" which is a slow, sexual and spiritual jam that is like flies caught in syrup on a hot day - it is sweet and sickly - especially the kissy noises that Ronald does through the song and L'il Kim sounds real husky and dirty too even though they have put auto tuner on her vocals. Amazing. LOL. Amazing delivery by Mr Biggs. His voice is exquisite. Slow jammer. See I told you I should be a mini cab driver.

Not like the poor pigeon above which is more like the state of my life than the vibes going on in an R&B jam. Having said that, I had an amazing time last night. In a suspect outfit I met with Mr Chips, The Cardinal, Jappers and Bird Cage and went to Cocadisco for some above and below the waist dancing. There I saw SPENNY TUNGATE OMG - he is the greatest dancer - gave myself serious bruises fisting Rachel and got spit on by Paul Pieroni who was doing really incredible floor skids. I was super impressed.



Julianiswatching was also there and looked like a cheese string on the dance floor and pulled some pretty impressive shapes. He's a super sexual dancer!! I would want to be his friend if he didn't spend the whole night inferring I was fat by trying to tickle me all night. There are only two places I'm ticklish and one of them is my inner thigh. The other is more available to the general public so I'm not going to tell. Though my father was a big one for tickles so I spent my childhood years developing the power of mind over matter as an invisible force field for tickle threats.



Earlier in the evening I had a really interesting conversation with James and Amph keeping my eye on what is really important. Here we see the guys eye to eye discussing man to man stuff.

Even earlier in the day, Carri came to see me at the shop. I made her pose for hours while I worked out the flash on the camera that Mrs Kipling has leant me.



Don't think she found it such a chore. When other visitors came in to see me I had to kick them all out cause we were having a really good conversation about tummy rolls and the best meal deals from KFC. Carri and I are high rollers you may have noticed. No fucking junior spesh for us for one pound fifty.



Genuine good times. So much fun! God yesterday turned out to be WWIICCKKEEDD.



Probably cause I went and had a proper dinner for a change at The Giaconda Dining room. It is on Denmark Street. It is so good. I had tuna, puy lentils - everything you see pictured here. People at a nearby table were saying rather loudly "Why is she taking pictures of her food?" so I bogged them out hoping to give one of them a dirty look, but they were too busy talking about me they didn't look back over. They were saying that people who blog food are good for recommendations of restaurants on the internet. If I could recommend any place in London right now, it would have to be The Giaconda Dining room. I can't wait to go back again.

xx Lektrogirl

OH SOME STUFF I FORGOT

seventeen, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

So this picture is by Paul Pieroni who runs the gallery seventeen on Kingsland Road. He is one of the chaps that I spent yesterday evening with and here I am modelling his thick woollen suit jacket looking far more sexual and self assured than he did. Sorry Paul, but it is true.

Tonight, The Cardinal and I were at Catch again for Slash. Here are a number of things I forgot happened last night until we were able to dissect the evening completely.

Paul Peroni wiped his right bollock on the face of Lady as quick as you might like in front of us all. Cardinal was HORRIFIED. I couldn't stop laughing. I ended up putting pool cue chalk on one of my nipples and The Cardinal had my tit out crying 'IT IS GOING TO STAIN YOUR BRA'.

So stupid.

xx Lektrogirl

RUM AND COCAL COLA

Mixed with beer. Who knew what a great hang over that would make? It definitely was a potion that removed all pain from my neck and shoulder allowing me to vibe along to R Kelly [My mind's telling me no.....] until this morning when I'm a crippled WRECK.



Here I am a 100% Babe Hair Babe so totally in love with myself I can't even look at Paul Pieroni. We had been to this exhibition at his gallery, seventeen, earlier.



Where the Cardinal and I had made this. It was great. Other visitors to the gallery saw it and were adding bottles like they were supposed to. I supposed no-one saw the value in the art there and it has been swept away. But whatever.



We bumped into Jenny Jenny in the street who was more than happy to pose with Lady. The Cardinal bought Lady from Nathaniel's new shop on Hackney Road full of the most amazing stuff.



See! Amazing! Jewellery, Clothes, Buttons, Music manuscripts, calligraphy practice, Gypsy Recipe Cook Books... all sorts...



And last night was the first night I met Phil. I mean WHAT A TOTAL BABE. [Not The Cardinal... I mean Chipstix Phil] His pictures on Facebook to date have not done him justice. He really is a handsome man! And so funny!!!


"Rambo" in a lonely pub

Giving birth is a Playa's Game.

Anyway - last night was major jokes and my body hurts too much to detail everything.



Paul Peroni definitely not fooling anyone.



We are SOOOO sad that Single White Female [DIAF] hates us.

I'm feeling so rough now and want to lie, cry and die right now I have to go. I will leave you with this beautiful Andrew Sisters song to reflect upon.



Thank you Captain Morgan.

xx Lektrogirl

THE CARDINAL

There are loads of parties on Friday night, but the one I am going to is this! The Cardinal from Kuntish Frown [LOL] will be DJing around midnight or so. I will have to find out before so I don't peak too early on Gin and Tonic and end up crying in a corner. Or if I had any sense, I would seek out a bar serving my new favourite Koko Kanu which claims to be "the natural aroma and flavour of coconuts with the finest Jamaican Rum." The bottle is very pretty to say the least. And it is a bit like Malibu but not as sickly. Or maybe if I had even more sense I would shy away from booze all together after the crazy long weekend I just had - but I put all that down to stress release from the week before.

Also tomorrow night is another Night Slugs in Camberwell at the Red Star. DJ Guy is playing there... I'm sorely tempted cause he is good times and funny guy! I will never forget playing scrunchy football with him in Paris at Le Triptyque at the end of a Diamond Grills where Bitch Ass Darius was playing, Goon and Koyote [obs] and a guy that DJ Guy and I thought all night the French were calling "Bum 'ole". We later realised it was "Bobmo". Mega LOLZ and shame face all round!!

God I just remembered the other two 'night slugs' that the Rubber Band Man and I saw ages ago on the pavement in Archway. GROSS!

I'm really bored today. There is a plasterer coming over tomorrow and I still have chores. YAWNSVILLE.

xx Lektrogirl

LAZY BLOGGER

Sorry, I have been so distracted by my real life to have post any real updates with pictures from my real life. I don't know what last nights demented phone blog was all about - but after 20 Drunk Dialled Calls



You Frigging Get Me?! Not so pretty... But see all that hair? I did smell just like BDL but not this morning. All I could smell were my weird dreams about a guy called Moose [like I know... so random] a swimming pool and going to the toilet in a room that had a latch made from leather in the shape of a dog with it's tongue hanging out.

I blame



HER

and



HER

for being too much fun.

Oh God - I just remembered the most hilarious cab driver of all my days last night!! Only I don't have time to tell you now cause I just woke up from a nap [real life was big tings today] and have already missed seeing my lady friends Covvo and Mrs V in town from Berlin and am trying to get ready to DJ at 333 Bar or where ever it is I'm meant to be. Moskow Disco or DJ Aligator. A hard choice.

Urgh and I ate the Chicken Diamond for early dinner at Archgate and keep burping spicy sausage. No toungers from me then.

xx Lektrogirl

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB [BY SMS]

The Father
Just worked out wot FYI TEXT Y MORE THAN MUM means. Goodness me! Fancy u knowing words like that? Specially to y'r old fashioned papa. R u in bed? What time ru?

The Child
I'm pissed in a club with my mate Philippa

The Father
Half yer 'f'in luck. Have one 4 me. Cheers 2 u both. Luv ya, Pa. xxx

And the next morning

The Father
How's the head? Both of you pissed yet? Cheers. Pa.

The Cardinal and I had such a great time on the weekend. Even though I was standing in the middle of Dalston with no clue where the fuck I was.

xx Lektrogirl

BANK HOLIDAY OVA

Photograph of the weekend by the Air Commodore. My hair needs some fucking work - it is all over the place!

Today was spent having some girl chats with The Cardinal drinking Lady Grey Tea and we did like all self respecting Brits do on a Bank Holiday - we put together her new garden shed.





Not only did we put this together, we killed a large number of gross spiders which I found personally exciting as it reminded me a lot of my childhood days. Then we went to the pub to meet the Air Commodore for dinner.

And an early night to bed for me.

xx Lektrogirl

A NEW PLACE

I remember trailing through Melbourne airport just before Christmas and posting on my blog that I was in search of some answers to that question 'Who am I?' while staring up at oversized Christmas baubles suspended from the ceiling checking out my distorted reflection. So much has happened since then. It is nice to find some moments of knowing myself - but then other times I wake up and it's like Freaky Friday and I've woken up in someone else's body. The Cardinal told me tonight about how much she hates washing up cutlery. This was really encouraging - I thought there was something wrong with me cause I also REALLY hate cutlery. I'm so happy to know I'm normal in that respect. I have been talking with Rubber Band Man. To be honest - I thought that maybe he was just a London party dude. I was so wrong. He is funny and clever and such a warm person. It is funny - when you meet someone sometimes you can find out so much about yourself, but at the same time have so much just tipped on it's head.

Tonight at the Air Commodore's birthday we had the worse Margaritas known to man at Diner on Curtain Road. I would rather drink bile than go back there again. And here are some pics from Go Bang! which was great. Alex T's DJing was awesome!


Fav picture of the night.


Me and the Air Commodore.


The greatest DJ. Check out the aura of the decks! Spiritual vibes.

What else to tell you - well there is a LOT. I'll tell you about the man I has sex with ten years ago that was at the party tonight another time. I think I want to go and thing a bit more about the answer to that question, who am I?

xx Lektrogirl

RUNAWAY

No lie - GOOD TIMES



I dragged Cardinal out last night cause she was a bit down over Jamal passing. Please all bare with me cause it is so difficult to not be making pussy / waking up next to a stiffy / mouse to mouse etc jokes cause it is also really sad. Out of respect for Jamal I just can't disrespect his memory.

We went to PUSH and drank £2 whisky and cokes with Michael who's new hair cut makes him look like an Air Commodore [it is really good! tip for the Summer boys!] and had a great laugh. Momentarily, I was struck cause on of the DJ teams played Runaway by Del Shannon and I was immediately transported back to the age of 6-7 dancing in my family living room on the circle mat listening to the songs' words and the melody and having feelings inside of me about love and loss and pining for someone. Like suddenly becoming aware of things like a broken heart and wanting to be the Runaway. So either I was incredibly EMO from a very young age / have always believed in love / kids generally are very aware adult concepts from a young age. Anyway - it was really lovely to be drunk with friends and reminded of that really great moment in my life.


Another great moment was seeing this person slink around with a tail of pissy toilet paper hanging out the back of her jeans. I laughed so hard I nearly had to go up to her and as her for a piece to wipe myself down.

OMG!! XXCENSOREDXX was there looking matronly. Possibly one of the worst dressed people in London on a regular basis. She could actually fill heat's "What were you thinking" page every week.


And this guy was a classic dancer! It turns out to be a guy called VINCENT LARKIN [thnx HML] and he was really busting some incredible moves when he hit the floor. Later on in his dance routine, a friend of his was on the floor with his legs in the air and our new best friend Vincent was dry humping him like a crazed miniature dog. FOR A LONG TIME. Everyone just stood around gawking in amazement. Then further on, he was on his hands and knees pretending to give another guy head to the music. It was a really spectacular show.


And Ronojoy was the most wasted I had ever seen him. I have heard reports but not been there in person. We were dancing to some Cotton Eyed Joe track [no clue what the track was some boys music] and in the middle of it all, Ronojoy stopped and started to do what appeared to be coughing up a fur ball in the middle of the room. Actually I think he thought he was going to puke. But he held it down and kept dancing. My personal hero. It is also nice to know that guy in the background thinks so much of us. No wonder he is alone with no friends there being so antisocial. LOL.

OH there are so many jokes to tell you from last night... LOL... I was very surprised to see Prancehall behind the decks with his mates 'grooving' along to Happy Song by Baby's Gang. Baby's Gang is not an East End grime crew FYI. Maybe he got confused and thought it was Chipmunks little brother?

AND BEFORE I FORGET! It was the Little Witch's birthday yesterday evening. Lots of screeching and shoes flying through the air with high kicks and slutty dancing from the Witch who doesn't look a day over 21. As he boyfriend is only 23 it is just as well!! [As she said - 'The youth of today!'] The Witch has always liked Pepsi Max though [The Taste of the Next Generation. YGM] Anyway the party vibes were enough that The Air Commodore even took off his cardi. Or was it that we were in a big gay sweatbox?

And finally


There is now the Booty Photo War that I started and now The Cardinal is retaliating getting The Air Commodore to do her dirty work. Thank GOd there was no crack.

xx Lektrogirl

UPDATE

Today is another day of remembrance. It was with great sadness I received the news from Philippa this morning that Jamal the blind cat has passed away. I shed a few tears from my feather down pillows in his memory. Yesterday it was just tears of pain from the Cava hangover.

In a Cava induced stupor:

P.S. Please don't hate me cause I'm such a babe.

Captain Morgan was a lot friendlier to my system last night which I drank in the company of Alex T, The Cardinal and Amph who Alex T and I called Bongo more than anything else last night. I'm still laughing about the man in the off licence on Brick Lane who gave directions to the nearest ATM as being 'Go down derre. Long way.' to Amph and I. The best joke EVER. Can I also say, Amph has the most amazing thighs? He tells me that his family are from Ghana which reminded me of Hugofreegow's flickr pics



And as Alex T and Amph spent most of the night wrestling while scantily dressed women played musical statues I wasn't too difficult for me to place Amph in some of those funny wrestlers undies.

OMG and now you have to work out what happened to who for yourselves:
There wasn't much else left to the imagination after XXCENSOREDXX got a stiffy after XXCENSOREDXX whispered in XXCENSOREDXX's ear "I can't wait to see your cock". I mean they are as homo as each other...

We all drank so much that we all started to look like this at the end of the night:



So I hope today that the sunshine will treat me well today as I need the Vitamin Sun beauty treatment to be babed out for tonight. I am DJing at my old friend Molly's birthday party from 10pm at the Alphabet Bar on Beak Street in Soho. I'm not allowed to play any 'black music' so it will be all italo, pop, disco etc. Which is a great shame as I have been showing a lot of face to R Kelly's Hairbraider track. A beautiful slow jam.

So in summary, this is my life right now:



xx Lektrogirl

THE BEST FRIDAY

At the depths of despair - or maybe it was chronic PMT - I rang my Mutts the other night crying about everything and nothing. [It is a long story.] And like a superstar she knew just the fixer. She told me to get £20 out of her bank account and go and do something nice the next day. So obviously I went and did the best thing you could do on a Friday in London - I went to Borough Market.



Like everyone else who sees these, I am always totally captivated by them hanging there at the stall at Borough. One girl came up to me after I photographed them and asked me if I thought the stall owners should be allowed to display them there. She thought that they should be hidden. I mean - I could see what she was saying, but I didn't see it as any different to all the other meat on display all over the market [albeit without fur and cute ears] or the fish in the fabulous fish stall which is my personal favourite stall.



Granted the rabbits did stink of blood. I asked her if she was a vegetarian and she said no. She just felt that the display of rabbits was 'a little violent'. The rabbits just made me think of when I was young and we had 'pet' rabbits that were actually bought to grow for meat anyway. But my sister and I had befriended them all and been playing with them regularly taking them out of the cage and letting them run all over the garden. When I went out to the garage one day to see The G.A. almost at staggering stage from a lot of whiskey and a half skinned rabbit hanging from the corrugated iron roof I felt really awful. I asked The G.A. if I could have a go at skinning it, he said yes, I ripped off some pelt and it sounded like Velcro ripping apart. I felt even more awful. Then later at the dinner table, I felt more awful still.

Anyway back to Borough Market.


The money Mutts gave me I spent at Brindisa on tortilla and chicory salad and a coffee. All for £12.04 [including service.] I made the chicory salad for myself the next day for lunch it was so good. And the tortilla was pretty good - warm and gooey - but not as good as the tortilla from La Rosa in Madrid!

Then I went and bought a variety of snacks to be had with Prosecco while Cardinal and I prepared ourselves for Deano's birthday. Focaccia bread, beetroot hummus, fresh tomatoes, blue cheese and garlic olives. Venom also came over but he broke one of my limited edition Babycham glasses that Max gave me as a present when I still worked at the shop. I was drinking 'Rose Royals' [prosecco and French rose syrup] while Cardinal had prosecco with Bush Liqueur I brought back from Tasmania made with Pepperberries. Anyway as soon as we got to the party, and the Imodium I gave Venom to stop him pooing all over the place worked it was good times all round.

And now by Sunday morning, the misery has gone and I am much happier! Thanks Mum.

xx Lektrogirl

DINNER IN CAMDEN

And just for the glory of the universe, here is the picture Cardinal took on holiday of the monkey who by all pink appearances appeared to be very fond of her. I re-visit this picture on her Flickr quite frequently as his hair-do REALLY cracks me up. It is a totally bogan do and I remember boys at the neighbouring school - New Town High School in their PB's and acid wash jeans with hair like this [except a mullet at the back] getting off the hostel bus on a Sunday night on Tower Road.

Last night was dinner in Camden with Mrs Kipling, Jazz, Caz, RJ and Cardinal where we discussed such matters as 'There you go!', 'Suprise!' etc, Fletcher Jones skirts, the tortures of boarding school in the UK pre 1984 [I think], errr actually I can't really remember - besides it was all highly confidential and my life would not be worth living if I were to repeat it all. In a nutshell: XXCENSOREDXX. Madame Pippa couldn't make it with some flimsy excuse about having to take care of her children [if she heard Mrs Kipling's stories leaving her children at home unsupervised with pots of boiling oil on the stove, no clothes, a wet concrete floor and no fresh supply of oxygen would sound and even more appealing way to take care of her kids than the butch dykes in aviator sunglasses at Mrs Kipling's school...]

Anyway - I may be giving too much away already.

xx Lektrogirl

SANDING THE FLOOR

Felt a bit low today after seriously weird dreams about red light districts, bakeries and beating one of my ex's with a ruler for lying to me about something. So to cheer myself up, I did as any girl in her right mind would do, I went round to the Cardinal's to watch her and her sister sand the floors.





Cardinal got a little hot telling us that she was working in a cashmere jumper.

Using the massive floor sander was really fun.

xx Lektrogirl

NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Tonight Cardinal, Venom and I went to some random house party full of New Zealanders. Enough said about that. On the way home, we went to the bagel shop on Brick Lane [the yellow one.] In the queue, some cute guy was chatting my up. He was telling me that he felt like a knob the way he was dressed cause normally he dressed more indie [he looked nice - maybe he thought I looked indie?] Unfortunately, he had a pimple on his forehead that looked quite angry with a bit of a scab on it. And you all know my latest obsession about these things. I just looked at it and thought 'No' cause I knew just too well what this facial infection could become. Even so, he was cute and funny. Until he said 'Hermes' wrong. Then I knew it could never be true between us. I clutched my warm loaf of bread and my cream cheese bagel and joined Cardinal and Venom on the street outside and we stuffed the bagels in our faces and caught a taxi home.

If I hadn't found a fiver outside the bottle shop where we picked up some booze before the house party I could have almost written the whole night off [Venom accused me of ruining his whole night and then finished up with his usual rant that I never understand about cab routes - even though for the most part we were having a good time together. If only the afterglow of his disco poo that he was so happy to tell me about had lasted longer...] However it was pretty fun.

Tomorrow looks like it will be a cracker. Cardinal is sanding her floors and has hired a machine to do it. I'm going over in my sweats just to watch! So cool! Tonight at the party I was explaining to Milan the reason why a particular wall had cracked in the house we were in and that in fact they could remove it an have a massive front room. It was a partition wall the land lord must have put in to make an extra bedroom.

Anyway, last time I sat at the computer drunk and late at night I ended up sending a Facebook message to XXCENSOREDXX saying 'I saw you talking to some friends of mine at the party the other night and I was too nervous to come and say hi then. But I wanted to tell you that you were the most beautiful man in the room.' Etc Etc. Suffice to say I have not heard back from him. And honesty, if he had replied to that message I don't think I would have had a lot of respect for him. Instead he did what any normal person would - he immediately told the mutual friend, who rushed into Soho [possibly not any quicker] to tell Pippa all about it. When admitting my shame, I didn't grill Pippa to find out any more about what was said - I can only imagine the guffaws between friends as he read out my message over the phone to her - I mean GOD I would have cut and paste the whole thing and put it on my blog if someone had sent it to me. The thing is, I can't believe I actually did it as it is SO NOT what I would do. What deep and humiliating shame that I have endured. Over a week has passed since then though and I am pretty much over it and LOL to myself regularly about it. And the major disappointment was - when I first saw him in the club I thought he was Spanish or Italian - just some dude. Then Cardinal told me 'OMG that's XXCENSOREDXX'. So in fact he doesn't speak with a swarthy European accent - I watched some video of him being interviewed and it wasn't like my fantasy at all.

So, on that note, I am going to bed to have a real fantasy. And maybe the hot postman will arrive in the morning with another one of his packaged for me.

xx Lektrogirl

SAPPHIC THUGS

If there was ever any doubt in your minds before, here is the evidence that Cardinal and I 100% cell block girlfs from the wrong side of the border.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Full report from the weekend activities after I have finished designing a splash page for a website I'm working on.

THE LAST DANCE

Well the other night was Abbie and Lee's going away party before they move to Berlin at the end of the week. I was sexual as ever.


Sadie, Cardinal and I say cheese but in our hands you can see two glasses of Millers Gin. Thanks to Cardinal, my life is changed. The world's best gin. I didn't even have a hangover or cry one self pitying tear. Maybe it wan't gin but pure liquid delight!


When I look at pictures of myself like this I see why I have developed The PhotoFace [TM]. Here Richard and I are imagining all the deviant positions Cardinal was being lured into with the array of men and couples who were coming up to her and buying her drinks. NONE of our scenarios were as bizarre as to what happened to me later in the evening.

One guest of the party, let's call him Alexander, arrive with three friends. One of the friends was a beautiful Polish girl, who's name I never found out. She was dressed in a look I would describe as Matisse Woman in a Red Room vs. Ken Done in silks and and a fake fur. So for the purpose of this story, her name is Matisse. There was another girl, who was dressed all in black with bright red lipstick. Her nose was a bit hooky. Her name can Meredith. She is also Polish so probably that wasn't her name. I could not tell which girl was Alexander's girlfriend - Matisse or Meredith. One minute he was dirty dancing with one, the next minute with the other, then the girls were kissing passionately on the lips. The last of the group, a very tanned French man in a grey woollen waistcoat with an incredible double zipper pocket detail was from Nice and Cannes but he was sick of it there. He told me my hair needed cutting. I just needed to go to the salon and ask for the French one. He was the only French guy there. Then it seemed that Meredith was his girlfriend - the were kissing and dancing. Meredith leaned in and told me that she had only met the French man that day. Matisse came from the bathroom with a bow of toilet paper around her head. She sat next to me and we began to talk. She asked Meredith if she was a bitch. Meredith replied how sweet she was and began stroking her hair. The pair of them kissed again. Matisse told me that Meredith was her sister. Then Alexander came over and Matisse had her hand up his top, while Meredith had her hand down his pants. They left, then Matisse returned to tell me how lovely it was to meet me. As I had no intention of becoming a fifth in their group I said 'Yes' and nothing more. But laughed to myself about how I attract these crazy people whenever I am around Lee and Abbie... A nice well brought up girl like me...


I was pleased to find out that my Bettina Rheims La Chambre Close book was now worth a lot of money. So I decided against pulling some pages out to frame and put on the wall. I will make a trip to the photocopy shop with it instead.

My four year old niece has started taking pictures herself. Here is a portrait of her two year old brother Tom:


She is also adding make up artistry to her CV:


And the last news from home, other than my father calling me a fucking Punjabi via SMS the other day [today he told me to tell my evil fork tongued mother to get fucked... such a charmer...] is Sam has lost his two front teeth.



Oh God - it feels like 4am and it is only 9.30pm

xx Lektrogirl

I'M TOO GOOD

The other night when Cardinal, Covvo and A Beer came over I cooked them all dinner. The dish you see above was for starters and here is the recipe. There are two reasons why I can recommend mussels as an option for dinner. 1] They are cheap - 3.99 a kilo and 2] They are super easy to cook.

MUSSELS WITH BASIL AND LEMON GRASS

1kg black mussels
1 tbs peanut [or whatever] oil
1 medium brown onion [150g of whatever onion you have] chopped finely
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
10cm stick [20g] fresh lemon grass sliced thinly
1 small fresh red chilli sliced finely
1 cup [125ml] dry white wine [that is one of those little bottles at the supermarket]
2 tbs lime juice
2 tbs fish sauce
1/2 cup loosely packed thai basil leaves [get them in China Town for 1.60 a bunch]
1/2 cup coconut milk [125ml - a half sized can or tip all a 400ml can in like I did]
another small fresh red chilli sliced finely
2 green onions [spring onions or salad onions] sliced thinly

1] Throw the mussels into the sink to give them a shock so that they all close. When you buy them they will be alive and should open and close. Scrub mussels under cold water and remove beards [the hairy parts hanging out the closed shells.]

2] Ditch any mussels that have not closed at all after you have run cold water on them or have cracked shells. They are no good.

3] Heat the oil in a wok or big frypan [or whatever you have got - you need a lid for it big enough that is all.] Stir fry the brown onion, garlic, lemon grass and chopped chilli till it becomes soft and is fragrant. It is better to do this over a pretty low heat so the onion doesn't brown, but as it is known in the business 'sweats'.

4] Add wine, juice and sauce and bring to the boil [turn up the heat a bit!] Add the mussels and turn the heat down again. Simmer the mussels in the pan with the lid on until the mussels open. The majority of mussels should open after about 5-7 minutes.

5] While you are waiting for 5-7 minutes to pass, shred half the basil leaves with your fingers.

6] Add the shredded leaved and coconut milk to the pan and stirfry until heated through. Fish out any mussels that aren't open, throw them away - they are no good.

7] Serve the mussels into a bowl for each person. 1 kg is enough for 3 or four people as a starter or as a main dish enough for 2. Sprinkle with slicked chilli, green onion and remaining basil leaves.

Let me know how you get on!

xx Lektrogirl

TWO BABES NO CUPS

I was just organising my Flickr and I found this picture of Manara and Cardinal from when we went to Hamburg together for my birthday last year. What a total TOTAL pair of BABEZ !!!

I mean - what else can you say?!

xx Lektrogirl

GREAT THINGS IN NORTH LONDON

This is my new favourite café in North London, Le Péché Mignon 6 Ronalds Road, London, N5 1XH.



The name means like "cute sin" - a sin you are allowed cause you can't resist. And I tell you, I am already ADDICTED to the Croque Monsieur there!



My ONLY CRITICISM about the place is the lettuce - that Apollo / Frisée stuff that prickles the inside of your mouth. It is a non food. It is like Br'er Rabbit all over again.



Never mind. Check out the coffee:



Not too hot when you get it so you can drink it straight away. This is always a very serious consideration. And note, that is actually cows milk not soya milk as I would normally ask for.

So now Le Péché Mignon is the 'regular' meeting point for Janus and I. Janus is a friend who used to work at KH with me. We used to not get on AT ALL in the office and actually had quite ridiculous verbal fights [over cake!!!] but outside of work we got on really well. We have a quite similar taste in a lot of things [though she also has talked me out of a Dado in the kitchen] and probably this is why we don't get on in some ways. However, she left the KH office and has her own business now called Sugarloaf Mountain making cakes to order. I think she make Mark Eley's Birthday cake last year for example!

Then we went to some junk shop and she got a Dalmation charm. HAHAHA the lesbian bestiality jokes I made about her. [Oh that is the other thing we used to fall out about - she would send me interoffice emails about what a dyke I am from Australia all the time. But then we did harass each other with the Dutty Wine.] Anyway back to the year 2008, we went to Oh La La the 2hand shop on Holloway Road and I found the perfect sugary lemon kitchen unit that will fit PERFECTLY where I am going to rip out the old cupboard and move the white stuff around in there. There I was thinking I was going to have to build something out of MDF and cover it with sticky backed plastic...

Come to think of it, Janus tried twice to make me go into The House of Harlot and stopped outside to look at a black and pink French Maids rubber outfit and said "I really like rubber." Hmmm...

Anyway - I'm really looking forward to seeing Janus again next week. I already know what I am going to have! I wonder if Cardinal will bunk off work to come with?

xx Lektrogirl

WHAT A FABULOUS HOLIDAY

In between the usual DIY - I just took off the kitchen door [my trail of change is spreading further through the house] and scrabbling on the floor painting skirting boards - I learnt you can check webcams on Google maps.

I really want to go here on my holiday...



Well that is how it looks today. Here is the link to the live webcam page. Check back in a week or two to see how it looks then.



But even I was sent there by someone else on holiday, I would still be a very happy girl. Last night with Cardinal and Pickles, I went round to Venom's house for dinner. I made the starter, Venom did the mains and Cardinal took care of dessert.


I made a selection of 'Vietnamese Rice Paper Rolls'. Basically it was the same concept with various fillings cause as I learnt Jews don't eat prawns cause they are pigs of the ocean and eat shit etc.


This is Venom's dish. It was delicious. Oh and I forgot to photograph the salsa he made for nibbles - it was one of the best I ate.


This is Cardinal's Cheesecake. She makes the best cakes ever on earth - except for the ones my Mum makes. This cheesecake was perfect in every way. Except the little crack on the side. But we ate the evidence.

I have a hilarious video of Venom telling a story about the girl who gave him the best blow jobs ever that involves some dating website pre Friendster but I have been banned from allowing it to ever surface on the internet. I was watching it this morning in anticipation of YouTubing it laughing my head off, but that was previous to the email ban I received. Boo hoo.

We also briefly discussed the Hamas controlling the Gaza Strip - I watched that show the other night 'Inside the Hamas' and I found it really interesting. Not cause I was anyone's side - just that I am totally pig ignorant about political issues and at last I finally understood a little bit about the different crews battling it out on the Gaza strip. In my brief synopsis of the show which ended with "And now the Hamas are just in there hitting people with big sticks. It seems wrong." Pickles just looked at me and said I should have a political column in a newspaper.

In other news, Fat Pat 'Tops Drop' is the most played track on my iTunes.

xx Lektrogirl

HIGHS AND LOWS

Last night I spent struggling under my bath fitting the new shower tap and head into the plumbing. Oh my days, whoever the genius was who engineered the back nuts to be so awkward really deserves their front nuts removing. Never the less, I struggled and swore and totally missed 'City of Vice' but I got the new taps on! Yeah bruv, I love the internet. Everything I know about plumbing I learnt there.



You could not imagine the elation I felt about acheiving this small goal. It lasted about two hours. I was just in the bathroom chilling looking at my new taps when I could hear a drip. Not often and not very big, but with my bat like hearing I could definitely hear it. The isolator valve on the hot tap has spring a pin prick leak. I need to go talk to someone in the bath shop on Holloway Road tomorrow about it - to replace it [I think the actual screw is threaded in the valve switch] looks pretty straight forward, but I could be wrong.

Thankfully, Cardinal is back from Sri Lanka or I would go on and on about plumbing. A bit like the time I ended up vocalising the difference between a laser printer and an ink jet printer for Pippa. Ahhh good times. I met her yesterday early evening. Both of us feeling a bit poorly. We had a glass of wine. She has a TAN and her hair all holidayfied. She looks amazing. Then she gave me a slice of carrot cake she made - it was the best carrot cake ever! THE BEST. I am going to marry her one day. We sat on the sofa checking out different greys on paint colour swatch cards. So romantic.



Anyway - soon I am going to commit suicide on Facebook. I really fucking hate it. I've been the victim of scary profile picture attacks, a sucker for accidently sending out random applications to all my friends [I'm still sorry] and finding out if I was a drug I would be cocaine, but I am going to die from old age. Go figure. AND YOU CAN'T EVEN PIMP YOUR PAGE. Now that Macy's seem to have stopped giving away store cards and $500 all over the place I'm going back to MySpace. I like it there. So come February, Facebook I kill myself in defiance to you. If anyone wants to make a pact let me know. I'm not scared, but it there is something nice about a mass exit.

xx Lektrogirl

ANOTHER DAY

Last night's dreams were intense. I was trying to find a dress and a pair of gold shoes. I woke up this morning to read a text from Cardinal in Sri Lanka that she had seen elephants and was off to a beach BBQ - so jealous. Last time she text me, she told me she had seen monkies. I saw woman from the pub at the end of the street going out on an errand the other day...

I notice that Prancehall, who has been recently having a go at Style Slut for ripping things of his blog has been visiting my blog and getting URLS for YouTube videos and putting on his. It isn't the first time. Having this leave from work I know what it is like to sit around bored off my face and too much internet tho'...

Mandy Smith
Positive Reaction

Here I present Mandy to you - the 17 year old PWL / Stock Aitken and Waterman star. Check her out - I think she makes the ideal girlfriend material for DJ Venom. Only she married Bill Wyman. In 1983, as a 13-year old child, she started dating the then 47-year-old Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman. The two eventually married in 1989 and divorced in 1991. She probably isn't that hot now. I love how there is so much smoke to cover up the fact she probably hasn't got really masterful footwork. They did this to The Reynolds Girls too quite often. Poor Mandy - she should have had a bit of "Eyes and Teeth" dance training.

xx Lektrogirl

SCRABBLE

I associate Scrabble with afternoons when it is too hot to go outside and my Dad and Grandpa playing it to the death. My Dad is the worlds greatest Scrabble expert - he knows all the two letter words... Anyway I guess it comes from the fact Dad is British and he must have spent every Christmas trapped inside in the cold playing it like Alex T, Bok Bok and Manara. Here in Tasmania, we've been watching HR Pufnstuf DVD's and are getting ready to hit the beach. Oh no - family crisis - my sister can't find the IKEA bag, but she did find the missing transformer for the last set of icicle lights.

Anyway speaking of life in Tasmania I woke this morning to read an SMS from Alex T's uncle - why they were talking about Tasmania I don't know maybe Alex was talking about this amazing WAG he knows... - anyway, the SMS was a joke:
How do you know when a Tasmanian girl is on her rag?
Her blood is on her father's cock.
LOL!!!


Anyway I've been banned from talking about Alex T any more. XXCENSOREDXX told me that Alex T is only interested in 22-24yo Indie girls and I'm too old. Alex T is my real life R Kelly! I can go to sleep dreaming he'll piss on me, but in reality I'm more likely to be R Kelly's girlfriend's mother.

If I was talking about anyone else except Mr T, I'd be worried they would read it and think I was a weirdo. But this is the guy who wants to tell everyone he is a facist on Facebook. I apparently regularly freak out Prancehall (XXCENSOREDXX is the same source of info there) but I really don't mean to.

In other news, Cardinal sent me the best Xmas SMS of the season - she put a red Xmas bow round Jamals neck. Her cat is blind and probably thought she was dressing him up as Easter bunny!

xx Lektrogirl