Monday, 31 March 2008

NO, THIS IS REALLY THE WORST

This video is not suitable for minors, people who are a bit lightweight, or anyone who cant watch operations on TV.

It is seriously the GROSSEST THING EVER.



Someone's Aunty removed a subcutaneous cyst from the neck of their nephew THEN POST IT ON YOUTUBE. WTF I don't know. After the blackhead video from a few posts ago I was talking it over with someone on AIM and I decided I needed to know what actually a cyst. So I start to check it out. I regret ever searching for this kind of stuff.

* I NEARLY FAINTING WATCHING THIS - I HAD TO GO AND SIT ON THE SOFA WITH MY HEAD BETWEEN MY KNEES NO WORD OF A LIE
* THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I EVER HAD TO CLOSE A BROWSER WINDOW [admittedly it was right at the end after they had to tug at the cyst and hack the last bits off with a blade]
* 2 GIRLS 1 CUP IS A WALK IN THE PARK
If you are too feel woosey already here is the brief synopsis - a Mexican guy with tattoos over his neck has a giant cyst in the back of his neck and balls of stuff that look like chewed up wads of gum come out with every squeeze of the fingers of his loving Aunty.
LIKE WADS OF CHEWED UP CHEWING GUM

GROSS
GROSS
GROSS

Watch with caution.

Not only cause it is gross, but because you may develop an addiction like me to check out more of these kind of videos. I'm not going to post any more on my blog I promise BUT there was one guy who post a video and story about the cyst on his face that he popped, [from his post:] "It ended up getting infected, and my stepdad, who's a doctor, gave me the leftover antibiotics from the dog, cause I don't have any health insurance. They didn't really help and a few days later my face got TOTALLY infected. I could barely open my right eye cause it was so swollen and the muscles in the right side of my face wouldn't work. I ended up with a REALLY bad staph infection, and had to be put on the strongest antibiotics you can get without going to the hospital and getting an IV."

It's here if you really need to see it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CaCSPhXZwU

Anyway - this is the last that I will say on the matter. Cause I actually am very squeamish.

xx Lektrogirl

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NIGHT SLUGS 2



Megalithic Brap Hands!

Imagine if this was like the city of Pompeii and everyone got froze like this and dug up a gazillion years later.

And another amazing thing which should sort of go in the post below, or even in a post on it's own with all the other stuff, here is the final view listing for the NY Underground Film Festival.

Travis Hallenbeck, "1.AVI," 2007 (:10)
Paul Slocum, "New Veriform City," 2006 (1:30)
Michael Bell-Smith, "Video Created to Fix Stuck Pixels in Computer Monitors Recast (with Soundtrack and Sunset) as Video to Fix Your Stuck Mind," 2005 (:45)
Petra Cortright, "webcam girl pizza party disaster cat kitten dog snow effects," 2007 (1:41)
Damon Zucconi, "One Thing Comes After the Other," 2007 (1:24)
Travis Hallenbeck, "27.AVI," 2007 (:08)
Charles Broskoski, "Me Doing Pushups," 2007 (1:35)
C. Coy, "Elvis Action Painting," 2007 (1:23)
Travis Hallenbeck, "11.AVI," 2007
Paul Slocum, "Combat," 2004 (3:00)
Tom Moody, "Hoedown," 2007 (1:32)
Brian Blomerth, "For Kittenz By Kittenz," YEAR? (2:08)
Joel Holmberg, "Earthlink Halloween," 2007-2008 (3:26)
Marisa Olson, "Netacronyms," 2007 (5:04)
Travis Hallenbeck, "32.AVI," 2007 (:13)
John Michael Boling and Javier Morales, "Body Magic," 2006 (2:25)
James Whipple, "Valis," YEAR (4:20)
Kevin Bewersdorf, "Yes," 2008 (1:09)
Michael Bell-Smith, "Hit By Bus," 2007 (:16)
Guthrie Lonergan, "9 Short Music Videos," 2005 (2:00)
Paul Slocum, "You're Not My Father," 2008 (3:54)
Guthrie Lonergan, "Sped Up Bob Dylan Karaoke File," 2007 (:28)
Lektrogirl and Emma Davidson, "The Result," 2007-2008 (2:51)
John Michael Boling and Javier Morales, "Blood Fantasy," 2007 (5:00)

If you are in New York GO!! Don't forget to email your friends, blog about this, and delish it. The Nasty Nets program is in the big theatre and we want a great turnout [obvs]...

So I better get off my arse and getting ready for this week which according to my horoscope is going to be MASSIVE.

xx Lektrogirl

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SUNDAY NIGHT & FEELIN' RIGHT

Actually I'm feeling pretty exhausted. Lemme make like Craig David and fill U in.

Rewind to Thursday night when I went to YoYo with my HoHo's at the Notting Hill Arts Club. I know that there are a lot of haters for this place and the club that it is but I will say I LOVE IT THERE cause there is absolutely no hating going on in there, loads of attitude [thug love], people are dressed up and the bar serves cocktails - there is always a happy hour cocktail! So G'ed up with the Sinus Spray and Cold and Flu tablets I was sitting sipping Honey and Grapefruit cocktails for the first half of the evening, then when Martello came on -

[Double screwface. Nice teeth.]

- I spent four hours dancing. In fact, Carrie and I even took our glasses off. It was really such a powerful moment. BOOYAH. The BEST part about the night though was instead of the breakdancers busting out which the small dicked lithe men sometimes do, this time the camera phones came out for some Poser-Popping ina big circle in the middle of the floor. Some serious shapes, signs and leans. Sorry for the blurry picture. I had my glasses off remember.



And here are my two pals with their own efforts.



The next day I wasn't feeling too bad. Only bad enough to miss the postman ringing on the doorbell. However a full recovery was required for the launch of the incredible NIGHT SLUGS - Bok Bok and Manara's night down at the Red Star once a month. For such a heavy date, dressing appropriately was required:


Which I have been told is straight gull-ee and fucking badgirl. Not bad for a Tasmanian G right? Someone has to regulate.

Before going, I had been having a deep an esoteric conversation with a friend about the kind of music that would be played. He said that generally bassline is a fake movement. That it only exists up North as something real and that probably it would be just full of bloggers anyway. Funny that - Prancehall, DJ Venom, Manara and Bok Bok all DJ'd and all have blogs. And I blog and I went there. However, my view on bassline and niche is that it is hilarious bouncy pop music and if a scene is 'real' or not I don't care. It seems a bit like thinking yourself out of having too much fun to be academic about it. The party was filled with good time vibes.


I mean - check the look on Bok Bok's face. It was good times all round!

ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY WHEN:
Prancehall's first track of the night was Snoop Dogg's sexual/sensual seduction/eruption [sorry was too busy dancing to notice which version it was.] It really surprised me because I never pictured him as a particularly sensual guy [bubble bath and vanilla candles?] but his womanly thighs have been pointed out to me by more than one person so perhaps Prancehall feels something in his groin for Snoop Dogg, like I do. Prancehall played a great collection of grimetime hits and grunk and crip crop and areandbee. Good times. Where's the beef? There is none. I was just feeling the love.

It was not a good time however after getting into bed at last at 6am to be woken by the postman at 7.30 delivering a package and he didn't know if it was the one from yesterday or not because he had the day off yesterday. The postman is my most regular male visitor. Which is fitting as he delivers the mail.

Later that morning I had to get up again with some urgency cause by a certain set of co-incidences, my friend Koogs was making a website for Samwell [you know 'What What In The Butt'] and it had to be ready by yesterday evening. Urgh so some frantic .cssing .gifing and .htmling with serious party issues. Not my idea of a Saturday night - especially when Cardinal be calling me for another night out. Which I am so gutted I missed.

BUT there is an upside to being stuck at home - Marisa Olson from Nasty Nets asked me if I wanted to have my video 'The Result' screened at the NY Underground Festival on Friday, April 4th. The Nasty Nets DVD is finished and you will be able to buy it - a 'coolection' of all the best craps from the internet compiled by people from the Nasty Nets Crew. So - awesome. I am so happy! If you want to watch the video for 'The Result' in the comfort of your own living room:
<------ scroll down
<------ check the links
<------ you'll find it there.

Or if you are in New York:


Event InfoName: NASTY NETS at NYUFF - DVD release screening!
Tagline: As Nasty As U Wanna Be
Host: Marisa Olson
Type: Music/Arts - Jam Session
Time and PlaceDate: Friday, April 4, 2008
Time: 8:30pm - 10:30pm
Location: Anthology Film Archives
Street: 32 2nd Avenue
City/Town: New York, NY

Nasty Nets has just produced a DVD (with video & data for maximum pleasure!) and we're releasing it in a screening called NASTY AS U WANNA BE at the 15th (and final) NY Underground Film Festival.

Please come and enjoy, and get your discounted dvd's--$5 while supplies last!

Big thanks to RHIZOME for sponsoring the dvd & screening!
http://nastynets.com/dvd.html
http://www.nyuff.com/2008/index2.php?p=arc&s=res&fid=295

Nasty As U Wanna Be
EXPERIMENTAL VIDEO MIN INTERNATIONAL PREMIERE
Organized by Marisa Olson & the Nasty Nets with support from Rhizome.org

Identifying themselves as an "internet surfing club," Nasty Nets is an international ensemble representing some of the most active artists working online today. Together their work both celebrates and critiques the internet by employing original and appropriated imagery and audio, such as animated gifs, YouTube hacks, html cheat codes, and other found and edited material, offering a poignant and humorous take on contemporary digital visual culture.

This event will serve as a release party for their new dvd, which features videos for dvd players, copious digital files to be opened on personal computers, and a type-in website by Michael Bell-Smith. Tonight's screening will feature videos from the dvd and additional works by members of this 25-person crew.

Nasty Nets was founded by artists John Michael Boling, Joel Holmberg, Guthrie Lonergan, and Marisa Olson, and includes members Peter Baldes, Michael Bell-Smith, Camille Paloque Bergés, Kevin Bewers- dorf, Brian Blomerth, Charles Broskoski, Petra Cortright, Chris Coy, Paul B. Davis, Michael Guidetti, Britta Gustafson, Travis Hallenbeck, Chance Jackson, Lektrogirl, Tom Moody, Javier Morales, Paul Slocum, James Whipple, Robert Wodzinski, and Damon Zucconi. The Nasty Nets DVD is generously supported by Rhizome. Discs will be sold at a discount to NYUFF ticket-holders, at the festival, while supplies last. - Marisa Olson

Anyway I better get to bed cause I bet the postman will be here bright and early again in the morning. Which I am so not looking forward to.

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 29 March 2008

SAPPHIC THUGS



If there was ever any doubt in your minds before, here is the evidence that Cardinal and I 100% cell block girlfs from the wrong side of the border.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Full report from the weekend activities after I have finished designing a splash page for a website I'm working on.

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Friday, 28 March 2008

NOT SUITABLE WITH A HANGOVER



As I have said many times before - Ramiro sends me the best YouTube videos.

This one I found on my own. Listen to the obsessions of the people involved.



I am now going to go an puke in a bucket for about three hours. 2 Girls 1 Cup might be more explicit, but in terms of grossness, it has NOTHING on this cause this cannot be faked. It is like 2000 VICE magazine gross jars rolled into one video.

xx Lektrogirl

Can I just reiterate again I feel so sick.

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Wednesday, 26 March 2008

ANNE LAPLANTINE

I had dinner at Anne's house in Berlin once. We had fish and potatoes. She played a record that was just one sonic tone for about 3 minutes and told us it was her idea of a pop song. I was very curious about her house that was covered in post it notes labelling everything with it's German name. I am still curious about Anne.

You can read her livejournal here an apple is a computer which I infrequently spy on.

Alternatively you can look at some of her videos below.



xx Lektrogirl



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TOTALLY SICKER

And sicker and sicker. Tuerlich.

My cold is progressing rapidly and today I woke up feeling even worse. Please anyone will you come over today and bring some food? Even if I don't like you I will enjoy your company and appreciate your good will.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 25 March 2008

NOTE TO SELF

Even tho' Mosaic is closer to the post office and isn't so far to go if the queue is out the door, these things always remain they same and you should never go back:
1) the coffee cups don't have holes in the handles - you can't hold the cups properly
2) the coffee doesn't come out with burn marks in the crema at archgate over the road - the coffee machine runs too high here
3) this place has too many weird chicken sculptures
4) the eastern european gangsters are always in here going 'blah blah fuck fuck fuck blah blah' down the phone with their fat heads and bad teeth
5) there are a lot of middle ages women drinking coffee on their own. I am at the dawn of this image.
6) i typed all that on my phone and the coffee is still to hot to sip
7) i love archgate much better. Particularly after the owner asked me if nameless had turned gay.

xx Lektrogirl

GOT A TISSUE?

Well I'm guessing that there wasn't a lot going on for anyone over the Easter break cause come Saturday, my webstats were through the roof! Thanks for stopping by!

The 'result' of my long weekend is that I have a cold and spent yesterday in bed with Season 4 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation DVD's [the LA one] and then got a total of 3 hours sleep last night. Today I am in my PJ's listening to the Mr Martelo mixes he sent me chilling out in front of the heater. Cardinal is going to be excited to learn that I have to have a section of my wall ripped out to mend some damp and re-plastered just like her and I can't wait to discuss the details with her.

I was also happy to read that Manara had said in one of her Flickr descriptions that I have a beautiful house



A shame that everything in the picture came from IKEA.



A trip to IKEA is more fun that a Racine / Wendy James gig any day of the week however. Last week or so I went with Pippa / Max / Paul Gazz / Caz / Jazz to the Bloomsbury Bowls to check out Wendy James' band. I have to say it was pretty shockingly bad. Had she chosen her band to be the same age as her I think the show would have been more convincing. Sadly the show looked like a bit of a weird Whatever Happened to Baby Jane scenario. And none of the songs were dope.

I heard some really 'dope' songs on Sunday night when I went to GO BANG! at East Village on though. I was going to save writing about it until my sub-editor Alex T told me how to spell Nadia Kasaiba correctly but I was so happy I went out that I can't resist writing soon. I'm sure that next time Alex has eaten a kebab he will be more than happy to breathe the after effects all over me and tell me about my shitty spelling. As per usual I had some spiritual moments with Alex as we discussed the universe. I cried AGAIN! [I know!!!] Which could either be the subject matter of the conversation OR the number of drinks I had consumed. My drink of choice was Malibu and Pineapple. Steph called it 'The Summertime Ho' but I think a better name for it is 'The Sweat'. I was also very happy to meet Alex's friend Amph who guessed I was 26 years old. I'm gonna guess he really thought I was about 29-30 and was being nice. Even so, he will be getting a Christmas card from me this year.

OMG. I just went to Flickr to get another picture to put online and you know what it said to me?

O HAI Lektrogirl!
Now you know how to greet people in Lolspeak!

Errr I don't think so. I think Flickr just overstepped the mark there.

I got a 'zimce' [German for SMS] on my 'handy' from Mrs Vanderbilt in Berlin today. I miss them like crazy already. We went to Canteen the other day before they left and it was pretty terrible.



Bachelor Food. And the waiter didn't find it funny when I asked him what his problem was that they didn't have soya milk for a latte.

Oh this was cool: My nephew Tom who is two and I have this really amazing joke.



It is pretty complicated and esoteric so if you don't get it, I kind of understand. Basically it works like this: I go up to him and say "What's that smell?" and he thinks for a minute and then says "It's me!!" Then we both crack up laughing. It even works over the telephone. It is a really great joke. In a few more years I will teach him a little more toilet humour and lesbian jokes. Anyway Tom is really into Cars and loves being a Jedi [Mum... Can you love a Jedi?] even though he has never managed to stay awake through one entire Star Wars movie.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 24 March 2008

GETTING A COLD

With nothing better to do...
Sun Sign: Sagittarius
Sun 8° Sagittarius 42'
Sagittarius Horoscope for today »

Moon Sign: Libra
Moon 13° Libra 52'
Libra Horoscope for today »

Rising Sign: Scorpio
Ascendant 9° Scorpio 56'
Scorpio Horoscope for today »

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PERSONAL MESSAGE TO ALEX T

Please feel free to use this post and the comments tool to list all the spelling mistakes I have made recently and indeed all my other short comings too.

As you know, I love you deeply and trust you alone to fulfil this very intimate duty.

From your girl who feels like your big sister who wants to torture you.

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 23 March 2008

THE WORST MIXTAPE EVER

I was just browsing the dickride.com forum for the first time in a while and I came across this post from DJ Guy called DJ TRAINWRECK. I followed the links and came across this beautiful piece of text:

The Worst Mixtape Ever

Back when I lived in Houston I had a radio show on the local college station (KTRU). The show was called "MKUltra". It was on Friday nights, and I played mostly electronic music. I had a lot of guest djs for the show in those days... local talent like Andrei Morant, Abiel, Chris Anderson & Tim Xavier would often drop by.

Listeners and local scenesters would sometimes mail me their mixes, and sometimes I'd air them. If I really liked it, I would have them come in and do a live set.

In the summer of '99 I got a mix in my mailbox at the radio station. It came recorded on a dubbed over dictasette, and was enclosed with a short note. This is one of the worst mixtapes I have ever heard. It is so horrifically bad that I listened to it non-stop that summer.

1999 was a rough year for me. My mom was fighting cancer. My girlfriend had just broken up with me. I hated my job. And I was depressed. But that summer, this mixtape took my mind off all that crap. And it made me think: no matter how bad things got, it couldn't get any worse than this mix.

They say a good dj is supposed to make you feel things you haven't felt before. To play music you haven't heard before. And to hopefully play music in a context that is new. Unexpected. Fresh.

If so, then this may be one of the best mixes I know of. Each time I listen to it I hear things I've never heard before. And I feel things I normally don't feel when I listen to music. Irritation, disgust, mild pain. Occasionally hope (when some mixes appear almost over). Anger (when they come back).

But mostly, this tape clears my mind of all life's daily clutter. When I'm feeling a little down, I pop this in and jam out. So mad props to you dj Trainwreck. Unfortunately, I never did get you on the show. I moved away from Houston before that could happen. But thanks for the tape. And know that it was definitely heard.

I've been meaning to encode this tape for the last 5 years. I finally got around to it, and now I'm sharing it with you.

-sandeep
Sept. 2004


You can follow this link here and download the mix and listen to it as I am now right at this second as I type.

It is incredulous that Sandeep managed to listen to this mix all the way through, let alone more than once.

And yes, even I am a better DJ than DJ Trainwreck.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Nadia Kasaiba sent me a mixtape once mentioning in the attached note there were a few train wrecks. There was only one and that was just kind of funny - not at all agonising. I listened to that mixtape frequently while doing housework.

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Saturday, 22 March 2008

DEM BOYZ can get U(_)U FILL IT N's



So what is up with my boys {Dance Pg}DEM BOYZ can get U(_)U FILL IT N's ?



Like a bird, even with that plaster cast.

Hideous stomach cramps are stopping me from writing more right now.

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 21 March 2008

HOME TONIGHT

If like me you aren't going out to see Kap Bambino play in London and stay home and catch up on CSI etc instead, here is a little video with what you are missing out on.



Today I got caught in the hail storm. It was wonderful. Like electricity.

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 20 March 2008

G'DAY G'DAY

I've just woken up. I have news to report on the furthering career of Wendy James from last night but my two crumpets with morello cherry and rose jam haven't quite sunk in and I think I need another Milo.



xx Lektrogirl

P.S. My DIY book for home wiring and lighting came in the post today. It is a big think hard back like a kids book! I can make like Sam Fox - "Nothings Gonna Stop Me Now"



Oh my GOD! She looks like Prancehall in drag!
ROTFLOL

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Wednesday, 19 March 2008

USUALLY I HATE CHANGE

Yeah - I really really hate change, particularly sudden change. It really freaks me out. But, I have made a few changes to my blog you may notice.

<---- Down the left hand column
<---- Scroll down
<---- You will see a load of new menu items
<---- Including my album "I Love My Computer"
<---- To download FREE
<---- Links to my art projects
<---- And videos

I have more stuff to add but that is going to come eventually.

Anyway so too lazy to scroll and just want a quick click? You can download my album "I Love My Computer" from here for FREE.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 17 March 2008

WHAT'S MY NAME

And before I knock off for the evening, I will leave you all with a touch of class. The Hot 8 Brass Band with a track from the classiest man on earth, Ess Enn Ohh Ohh Pee Dee Ohh Double Gee.



And if I might also suggest you check out this fat black men huffing and puffing their way with their ever so excellent embrasure* to Sexual Healing.

xx Lektrogirl

* FYI for those of you who don't know, I learnt the euphonium and French horn as a child. And the piano and the cello.

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5050



Or you can watch the Quicktime file on Oliver Laric's site here.

GOD I WISH I THOUGHT OF MAKING THIS VIDEO. AWESOME.

Montage: Unmonumental Online - Curated by Lauren Cornell and Marisa Olson at Rhizome I found this piece of work in the exhibition website.

Here is the project description for smart people:
The Web-based video 50 50 compiles fifty amateur performances of songs by rap icon 50 Cent into seamless, uninterrupted tracks. Like a collaborative karaoake performance between culturally and geographically disparate singers, the segments-all taken from YouTube-each feature a young person rapping 50 Cent lyrics over the original song. The power of 50 50 pivots on its most basic assumption: the Web is saturated with 50 Cent performances and, on a broader level, youth are saturated with the desire to embody the values 50 Cent represents. These values are laid plain in his album title, Get Rich or Die Tryin', but the crucial aspiration not explicitly mentioned is fame: to be a celebrity, to be in front of the camera, to be watched, a widespread aspiration Laric throws into sharp relief.

I was already disappointed that Without A Trace was on not in TV tonight as I had been imagining all day. Then to find this incredible video... Hmmm... I am just annoyed cause I have accomplished ALL my projects for the time being.

I NEED A NEW PROJECT.

xx Lektrogirl

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STRESS MANAGEMENT

. . u.

u. ' . u u .

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Sunday, 16 March 2008

THE LAST DANCE


Well the other night was Abbie and Lee's going away party before they move to Berlin at the end of the week. I was sexual as ever.


Sadie, Cardinal and I say cheese but in our hands you can see two glasses of Millers Gin. Thanks to Cardinal, my life is changed. The world's best gin. I didn't even have a hangover or cry one self pitying tear. Maybe it wan't gin but pure liquid delight!


When I look at pictures of myself like this I see why I have developed The PhotoFace [TM]. Here Richard and I are imagining all the deviant positions Cardinal was being lured into with the array of men and couples who were coming up to her and buying her drinks. NONE of our scenarios were as bizarre as to what happened to me later in the evening.

One guest of the party, let's call him Alexander, arrive with three friends. One of the friends was a beautiful Polish girl, who's name I never found out. She was dressed in a look I would describe as Matisse Woman in a Red Room vs. Ken Done in silks and and a fake fur. So for the purpose of this story, her name is Matisse. There was another girl, who was dressed all in black with bright red lipstick. Her nose was a bit hooky. Her name can Meredith. She is also Polish so probably that wasn't her name. I could not tell which girl was Alexander's girlfriend - Matisse or Meredith. One minute he was dirty dancing with one, the next minute with the other, then the girls were kissing passionately on the lips. The last of the group, a very tanned French man in a grey woollen waistcoat with an incredible double zipper pocket detail was from Nice and Cannes but he was sick of it there. He told me my hair needed cutting. I just needed to go to the salon and ask for the French one. He was the only French guy there. Then it seemed that Meredith was his girlfriend - the were kissing and dancing. Meredith leaned in and told me that she had only met the French man that day. Matisse came from the bathroom with a bow of toilet paper around her head. She sat next to me and we began to talk. She asked Meredith if she was a bitch. Meredith replied how sweet she was and began stroking her hair. The pair of them kissed again. Matisse told me that Meredith was her sister. Then Alexander came over and Matisse had her hand up his top, while Meredith had her hand down his pants. They left, then Matisse returned to tell me how lovely it was to meet me. As I had no intention of becoming a fifth in their group I said 'Yes' and nothing more. But laughed to myself about how I attract these crazy people whenever I am around Lee and Abbie... A nice well brought up girl like me...


I was pleased to find out that my Bettina Rheims La Chambre Close book was now worth a lot of money. So I decided against pulling some pages out to frame and put on the wall. I will make a trip to the photocopy shop with it instead.

My four year old niece has started taking pictures herself. Here is a portrait of her two year old brother Tom:


She is also adding make up artistry to her CV:


And the last news from home, other than my father calling me a fucking Punjabi via SMS the other day [today he told me to tell my evil fork tongued mother to get fucked... such a charmer...] is Sam has lost his two front teeth.



Oh God - it feels like 4am and it is only 9.30pm

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 15 March 2008

DRX: A PROFILE

Drx is in Bodenstanding 2000 and one of my best friends that I never see.


Here he is 'back in the day' cooking baked beans and shortly to drink Baileys in my old flat on Balmore Street.

TITUS COVER BY Drx
One of the greatest micromusic.net hits of all time by my friend drx.



From the old lektrogirl.com website:
"our friendship started with me writing him some fan mail and then he wrote me back and then we just kept on writing. our friendship really developed after hours of online chat in micromusic - where we discuss such topics and daisy dee and the C.I.O. / scooter / eurodance / bobby "o" vs. frank farian / 101 things to do with hummous / all my boyfriend dramas / latest records to our collection and who will burn who at our next dj battle. sounds scintillating doesnt it?

drx is not only one half of the incredible band BODENSTANDIG 2000 [with bioBern] but an accomplished computer nerd and world renowned 'talking dj'. [in fact drx is my second dj pupil] also drx is a VITAL member to have as part of the team if ever on tour djing around germany. i am so greatful he was with us when mollywood and i were doing the girl riot tour. mollywood took too many outfits and too much make up and couldn't carry everything AND her record box so poor drx ended up carrying mollywood's clothes along with all his own gear [he looked like one of the dwarves out of the louis vuitton ad.] drx got the last laugh though when we fell asleep on the train and he captuured us with his gameboy camera dribbling onto our shoulder from berlin to hamburg."

xx Lektrogirl

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SCEEN.ORG

The is a German nerd magazine the I have written for in the past that arrived in my mailbox the other day with a tour diary I wrote for the Divided by Zero micromusic.net tour around Holland. I had even forgot I did it!

sceen.org

sceen.org

sceen.org

The pictures aren't great but I think you can read the articles when you enlarge the pics.

xx Lektrogirl

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NIGHT SLUGS



My bestie faves Bok Bok and Manara are starting their residency at their party called - NIGHT SLUGS - London's first and only club dedicated to 4x4 / heavy bass music / global gutter house @ the legendary REDSTAR, Camberwell. DJ Venom is gonna play classic freestyle. I wonder if he has The Sisters with Destiny?

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Thursday, 13 March 2008

Love Synchronicity



Max and I are OBSESSED with this song. Whenever I have a wee when I am visiting Max, we play this or 'Get Ready' by Carol Hitchcock cause Max weirds would when he can hear people pissing.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 10 March 2008

ANTM



I see the twins are posing properly for the pictures I demanded in return for these gifts I gave them after clearing out. I had some wigs too but from what I understand they already have quite a collection courtesy of their mother.

Who can forget such great looks as this?


Or even - who needs a wig when your woolley had has pigtails?


JoeJoe long may you reign.

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 9 March 2008

DON'T MENTION THE WAR



xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 8 March 2008

PHALLIC

Today while I was washing dishes I was thinking about guys who after you have had sex with them at some point - usually at a super casual moment - ALWAYS ask how big their penis is in comparison to other guys. Well no - they don't always ask, put this in the sentence: IF A GUY REALLY LIKES YOU, he will always ask you about his penis. If a guy has a big dick, he wants to know it is the biggest. If his dick is small, he wants to know how small. If his dick is neither big nor small he wants you to tell him it is bigger than normal. If his dick is bent, he hopes you don't notice.

The reason why I was thinking about this though was because I had been talking about Bratwurst sausages earlier that day with Abbie and Lee and was cooking some that night for dinner.


I wish my German was better than my French. But I guess everything happens for a reason. [Yes I eat this kind of food as often as possible. I could never be a Jew. Well except for the fact that my mother is also not Jewish.]


Look at this hot pig trying to seduce you into eating products made from him! Sexual! This is the bag from the German Deli down and Borough Market.

And while I am being all M&S about food, I was in Le Péché Mignon the other day - they know me know cause they saw what I wrote about their prickly lettuce and make jokes with me about it! I actually felt a bit embarrassed. I know! Me! - for a croque monsieur [obvs] and while I was there I was looking for some crème de marrons but instead I found these confitures - Les Confitures Extra de Christine Ferber - Morrello cherry or Apricot 'nougat' with Almonds, Honey, Pine Nuts and Pistachio.

Like I died and went to Heaven.

xx Lektrogirl

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STRANGE IDEA OF LOVE



So I made a new video - this time of Pippa's band All About Eve Babitz. One night they performed at Paul Gorman's Lost Society party and Superduck and I filmed it. And another night I chased Pippa around Soho and then left it a few months. Finally yesterday I edited it all together.

This is my favourite All About Eve Babitz song. And I am really pleased with the video. I was on the phone to Superduck last night while he was stuffing envelopes at his high flying desk job and he told me that to edit the video's we shot together would be easy. I didn't tell him that I was actually trying to sync the live performance to an MP3 studio track and that the songs were at different tempos. FYI Nick Abrahams. Then he went on to tell me about bee keeping in Iceland.

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 7 March 2008

DJ VENOM'S NEW HIT SONG



That is him on the mic. He had a bit of help from the Ruff Sqwad though.

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 6 March 2008

THAT IS SO ME



xx Lektrogirl

THE NIGHT CAP

It is getting late - so here is one for the road.



Nice fluffy "public hair" effect.

xx Lektrogirl

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I'VE LOST MY FAMILY

Not wanting to sound too grim about it, but Mutts and I were discussing the things I wanted from the house when both of my parents 'go to the other side'. I can't really remember what I said now other than some old crockery - in particular the jug with the handles stapled back together in the wartime days when there was no glue. I was going to make a really awful joke then about prisoners of war then but thought better of it. After getting banned from Venom's blog for real [tho' he tried to reinstate me and said he couldn't work out how... a likely story...] I'm trying to be good - honest Gov'. Anyway so - when the G.A. moved into the old man's home, most of the chutch went up to the Auction Mart to pay for the credit card bills Mutts discovered so it is kind of slim pickings but there is still some good stuff there - like the matching jug to my polka dot teapot.

GOD! WTF am I on about...

So, I went looking tonight to find pictures I had taken of my family in college years. I have loads of old prints that I developed myself in the top of the linen closet [no I don't have a boiler in there in case you were shitting yourself about the paper] but I knew I had rescanned them at some point. Ergh - I couldn't find them anywhere in my GIGABYTES of random online storage space, but I did find these online. They are pictures of my distant relatives on my Mutt's side from a really cool old family album that I have dibsy bags on before my sister I hope.




This guy always reminds me of Squarepusher. Do you see it?




The one on the right looks like a man in drag.










What is up with those devil's knot tie side buns on that lady?


SPANIEL HAIR-DO




I have always felt a resonance with Misery Guts here with the dog.


Dude on the left looks stuffed.

If you can make out what some of the scratchy spider writing says it is quite funny. It is a shame I resized the scans cause the book is much larger in real life. Oh well I'm always a fucking idiot somewhere along the way. And if I've actually got ahead in life for a few days some asshole always comes along to put me right back in my place.

You know who you are.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 5 March 2008

THE BOUNCER

This time yigga REALLY banned me!

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THE MISTAKE

Note for my not future boyfriend Sven, and any other nerd in town:
I has since been drawn to my attention that if I had used GREATER video compression, the digital fuckups would have been more apparent in my video.

I'll save this info for the next one.

In other news, the Sainsbury's delivery man was the babe one. And my neighbours upstairs have a dog AND a baby. And they speak to their dog Coco more often than their child.

xx Lektrogirl

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THE RESULT

Hardly worth it, but here it is now on YouTube:



This is the finished version of my new video for the fairly old track called louloulou [all my songs started with names like that] while it was just an MP3 but now it is a finished thing, the name is THE RESULT.

All that hex editing was hardly worth the RSI for what it achieved, but where it is most obvious I think it looks really nice.

Anyway, my sub-editor Alex T - who has now been usurped for a Firefox plug in [and AUSTRALIAN dictionary no less and the occasional French when I need to switch it on] - can take all the credit for the posting of this song online. If he hadn't made me cry over dinner then this may have never happened. Max and I were just discussing what a well dressed man Alex T is - I can't think of anyone in real life other than Max who dresses better. I watched Max iron his shirts, pyjamas, boxer shorts AND SOCKS today. Have I told anyone recently how much I love Max? Well I hope Alex at least doesn't hate what I made.

I did an online proficiency test for my French language skills and apparently I am Intermediate. Which surprised me! I thought I would be advanced beginner or something. Lovely.

Last night I dreamt I was a prostitute. I dreamt that I met a girl from my college called Danielle and she had been a working girl for a little while and she was hooking me up with the place she worked. I had to go to this pier and there was a giant cinema with brass detailing all around the edges of the posters. In a secret panel of the door, a midget opened a door and threw a haggard old man out of his wheelchair into the street. I announced "I've come to see Danielle". The midget let me in and I had to walk up this cranky stair case with a moving partition wall. All the handrails were covered with really long public hair. It disgusted me. Then I got to the little waiting room area and realised I was in jeans and sneakers - not what I thought I should be wearing. Then I realised the other girls were in pink chavvy tracksuits. They lent me some jewellery to wear - it was an enamel horse. Then a customer called Mark came in who was one of Jo's regulars. He was wearing a thong made out of something a bit thicker than cling film. Thank God I woke up before I had to do anything with anyone. Thank God for you too cause I would have told you all about it.

I'm so tired tonight.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 3 March 2008

EDITING A VIDEO



Some people [like my nephew] have been having more fun than me lately. He's six and already burning round on a jet ski!

I found an old song Lektrogirl song I wrote that I doubt anyone has heard and I decided that I will make a video for it to post on my blog. I decided to have a go at messing with the video a little bit like Sven König has done in a few pieces and Paul B. Davis also used in a couple of his video pieces. It isn't hard - just mind boggling.


You have to search through a massive list and get all the hex numbers for key frames for your video.


Then you have to scroll through gangs of numbers to delete the key frames you want to dissolve.

A lot of it is variable, and can achieve completely different results. I'm at a point after completely the first round of removing key frames deciding if the means was worth doing for the end.



I found this cool video along the way though of Sven König explaining this sampling project that in a nutshell plays snippets of video triggered by his voice. He can explain it a lot better than me. When he gets to the live performance part though [with long hair to note!] there gets to be too much laptop face and lone German man on stage raving for my liking. However I had considered writing a post as to why Sven König should be my next boyfriend. Funnily enough, my ex said the same thing. Although Sven König ticks a lot of boxes for "my type" on his MySpace he wrote he is a smoker [before I actually saw him smoking in the video] and that is a definite NO for me. Even though Rami smoked. Or maybe that was just weed? Anyway so I won't be writing a post about Sven König being my perfect man any time soon.

You should however check out the Depeche Mode Personal Jesus video my non future boyfriend made. I really think it is great.

However, my first big depression ever came on a day that the video for Personal Jesus was first shown on Tasmanian television, there were bush fires and the air was smoky and the skyline was hazy, my boyfriend was in the kitchen talking about love and suddenly I felt like I was walking through molasses carrying a lead box. A few weeks later, my boyfriend took me on an adventure through peoples back gardens looking for a swimming pool to go skinny dipping in at midnight.

xx Lektrogirl

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About charles_bro_cool / Charles Brown

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I am not really A complicated man to some . Im A hard worker , and I like making good money . But money is not everything , but it is A good access to A healthy life style . As long as it is earn honestly . But nothing beats the love of A good honest hard working woman , although in these times it may seem hard to believe that such A beautiful female really exists . I hold dear the faith an belief of GOD and his loving scripture when it comes to his females . I ask him to send me the best he has . But as we all know , no one is perfect . So I try to work with what he sends me . My faith is strong . There are so many beautiful ladies in this world. Who are each so beautiful in there own unique way . Its always fun , interesting , or sometimes wild, meeting A new person. I never find it dull.Although I'm shy and some what withdrawn. I do have A passionately wild and loving nature. Its all good, I just love to admire the female form. As for me , Im living my life in A comfortable fashion. I totally trust and believe in GODS holey scripture . GOD is all loving and understanding , so I feel good about it . No , Im not A whore monger . I like to deal with one lady at A time . Just want some one to love, and have them love me back. In my free time I do A little surfing on the web , mostly to check my E-Mail and to catch up with my friends . And maybe A little shopping . I have my own exercise machines at home so I can avoid those big smelly crowds at the gym . I also like spending time with my little dog OREO . He is not exactly the type of dog that I wanted . Really smaller then Im use to . But he was A birthday present . And he really grew on me . He left his little foot prints in my heart , so now he is apart of me . Im mostly A free spirited person . Who can be wild at times and there when you need me with A kind heart and A loving soul I have a great love and affection for all my family members. And I love them with an open heart and an open mind. The love I share with my family has taught me how to love and accept my friends and my loves with an open mind and heart. And this is good, as long as they accept me in the same way. And in the same rhythm I dont take no stuff off of losers & haters ether .

I'm Male and Single.

Chino, US

charles_bro_cool's public groups

* Pantyhose
* Legs in Tights, Pantyhose, Stockings, ... / 丝袜裤袜图集
* sexy pantyhose pictures

A bit more about charles_bro_cool...
Hometown: Inglewood
Occupation: Home Care Worker

Interests: I enjoy Bike Riding, Going to church, Reading A good book, Going to the movies, A healthy fetish for ladies who wear pantyhose and skirts or dresses, Road trips to the beach and other places. Dinner clubs, dancing, good conversation. I'm not much of A drinker, but I may have one with the right person and some good conversation.

Favorite Movies, Stars & Directors: Drunken Master 2 [1994] / Psycho [1960] / Pulp Fiction [1994] / Batman Begins [2005] / King Kong [2005] / The 40 year old virgin [2005] / The Craft / The Return of the Pink Panther / Richard Pryor- Here and now / MASH / And so on

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Saturday, 1 March 2008

CHINESE EYES



I should have put this in the other post.

xx Lektrogirl

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SOME OF MY 7 INCH RECORDS

Back in 1999 I had just come out of the Women's Homeless Women's shelter on West End Lane [just a few doors up from DJ Venoms house actually.] The council moved me into my new council flat round on Balmore Street with a single mattress, a single duvet without cover and a kettle and that was it. The start of my beautiful new life. When the money that gets paid out to people who were in my situation, which at that time was about 1200 quid to fully decorate their apartment [cooker, fridge, saucepans, curtains, chairs, table etc] I chose to ignore all of that on my shopping list and go to MicroAnvika and get a Tangerine iMac for 999 pounds. I bought a table from IKEA and a chair. And then I took over my own website. Monsieur Raide had started on for me already but I wanted to make stuff myself. Everything I learnt about the Internet and computers was from a string of Internet boyfriends - I ICQ'd my way into the hearts of many nerds. And it really helped that I had a record out on Rephlex too.

During that time, I started collecting 7" records. I now have hundreds. It was great when I met Foul Play Fowler [that you might know as Nervous Stephen] because we used to go on 7" record shopping dates and then DJ together at The Dog Star on Sunday afternoons. God - I will never forget the number of crack heads that would come in and start freaking in the middle of everyone else having a Sunday lunch.

So below is some recycled content from my old website probably first online in about 2001. A shame that the Shorditch Whore joke is still exactly the same with the clothes and everything. And I have added a few YouTube videos to bring us up to date to Web2.0.




It is not often that a girl would find seven inches lasting three and a half minutes anywhere near satisfying - unless it is made with vinyl and comes with a picture cover



KOTO : Jabdah (1986) and Japanese war game (1983) Italian euro pop from the mid eighties. The cover art is credited to Al Porta. Both sleeves come with "dj information" - Jabdah is 117bpm for example. The tracks themselves echo the futuristic hi tech covers but don't be fooled into thinking that they show any kind of Kraftwerk electro type futurism. Jabdah for example sounds more like something you would find on an album of library music described as "modern, uplifting, punchy" but with a few vocals written by someone who barely understands English and spoken by someone that never heard English. Japanese War Game give a very vague nod to computer sounds that appear to be in some sort of conversation but I wouldn't like to push that notion too far.


RIGHEIRA: vamos a la playa (1983)
Italo - thin synths, not quite in time drums - inane lyrics This is one of the times you take a risk on the cover alone and are rewarded with a great treasure. The title translates as "Let's go to the beach" and from knowing that and looking at the cover you kind of get what Righeira are about. Their follow up single "No Tengo Dinero (We've got no money)" sounds almost identical but it doesn't matter, it is just an excuse to keep drinking sangria all summer. Drx from Bodenstandig 2000 promised me that their next album cover will look just like this but it will have Drx and Bern on the front dressed as soldiers from WWII
1Kr from the Record Palace in Stockholm


J.J. FAD: supersonic (1988) and way out (1988)
Girl rap produced by Dr Dre and Easy E - quite pop
Well the cover of the J.J. Fad album and these two 7" sleeves are all from the same photo shoot but the girls look great. They manage to slag off Salt and Pepa in one of their tracks. My favourite track they did though is "Blame it on the music" from their album that has a great little talking section between one of the girls and a guy about learning to dance "I don't believe it! I'm dancing!!"
Supersonic was £2.50. I paid US$8.50 for Way Out and it wasn't really worth it.


DAIMYO: electric dance (1984)
deluded Michael Jackson fan. The lyrics are "the Jackson Five should be the Jackson Six" with different Jackson hits in the mix. A poor substitute for the real thing, but now that Michael is entirely prosthetic maybe Daimyo has a place in the real world after all.
5Kr from some shop in Stockholm that smelt like pee.



THE FLIRTS: passion (1982) danger (1983)
Bobby "O" produced girl group
Now that The Flirt's look has been worked to death by every Shoreditch Whore and her best friend around Hoxton, Bobby Orlando's sound is also finally trendy - The Hacker even gives respect to him on the back of the album he has released with Miss Kittin. This version of Danger isn't the best - cause it doesn't have all the explosion sound effects in it. But the 12" doesn't have their version of "Love Reaction" that Divine also did for Bobby O. so i would say it is better to own both.
15DM for all 7 'hit' singles by The Flirts on ebay


BOBBY O: i'm so hot for you
Bobby Orlando singing and producing his own brand of synth pop. I have waited over 8 years to own a copy of this 7" after a friend gave me a cassette she nicked from Woolworths bargain bin. This is a Belgian version of the 7". The lyrics are banal and Bobby O thinks he sounds like Elvis. Great cow bells and synth but as for the girl on the cover - MINGER.
PET SHOP BOYS: west end girls
pet shop boys produced by Bobby O before they got the vocal delivery right. B-side is an amazing track "pet shop boys" that sounds like it was cut with scissors.
MY TWO MOST COVETED RECORDS - price DONT ASK



NEW EDITION: popcorn love (1983) and candy girl
boy band sound like they have been singing whilst sucking helium - produced by Maurice Starr and Arthur Baker The picture disc and poster sleeve for the two tracks are form the same photo shoot but there are a few important points to note. The major one is that Bobby Brown is the only one wearing squeaky clean 'sneaks' and has all the chains so maybe he was getting paid even from back then. The poster for Popcorn Love folds out with the same photo from the cover, but there it is easier to see the pubic hair that was printed onto all the artwork. I just wonder who's it is as New Edition on these records sound as though they are yet to hit puberty.
Popcorn Love was £1.50 and Candy Girl was £3


I wish the real song was on YouTube but watch this instead.

SIDNEY: let's break
let me hand over to my operations manager and dear dear friend Soby to explain this record
"about the jpeg..... it's really great and funny. the guy on the first is come directly from my children time i was a tv show called H.I.P H.O.P on the French TV with 80's tunes and first hip-hop tunes. i'm really a big fan of his show. and in this show. it's the first where i can see Madonna like a dancer. 1or 2 year before her first album."
Soby really made me laugh the day we walked around in the sun and ate nectarines in Brussels and he sang "papa don't preach"
this record was 25p but now it is worth a lot more....


And this is a second best as well. The Clean Clean video was rotten.

BUGGLES: video killed the radio star and clean clean
Clean Clean is one of my favourite 7" for not only the cover but the track is awesome. Trevor horn is a brilliant producer - even if they had crappy video's. and the b-side kid dynamo is better than the a-side video killed the radio star.
I paid more than I should have for clean clean and I cant remember how much the other was. I have a few copies of it cause I really like the cover and don't like that it gets so trashed


LOL - I bought this from Black or Dread and the man put the needle on the record for two seconds and whipped it off. "You want it or not?" I think he would have also shanked me if he wasn't so stoned. The record by the way is fucking terrible and I only bought it out of fear.
It is Babycham and Foxy Brown.

A selection of records [some with nudity] that I liked for some reason or other to be bothered enough to scan them:


And the only videos I could find for all that lot:

Colonel Abrahms then


Motley Crew now. LOL - Imagine this for a whole set!
HAHAHAHAHA I cried laughing.

xx Lektrogirl

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