Thursday, 31 July 2008

MAN VS WOMAN

The difference between men and women has nothing to do with love.

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DARK ROOM CHILLAXXX



Yerrr so I realise I am in a hiphop time warp back in 2001 but you know - that year was good! That was back when I was still buying CD's, the sun was hot, and the kids in the neighbourhood were singing "Smoke weed everyday" as they cruised around in cute pink tracksuits and clean reebok shell suits. They all have kids now, the tracksuits don't look quite so sexy and the guys have long hair, headbands and dark red bags under their eyes. I guess they took it literally.

Poking fun at them I have to admit that I look as ravaged as one of those playas this morning as I spent the night tossing and turning not able to sleep properly and waking up with sore nipples and a painful spot on my face that will give give agony but come to nothing. Obviously I am not reaching menopause just yet. I am so tired though I had to shut myself into a dark room for a little while and listen to Snoop Dogg and remember the sun [there are no windows here today] while I crave a roast beef, horseradish and watercress sandwich on fresh white bread.

Yesterday was my first attempt at Choux Pastry and I made Cream Puffs for two of my favourite men in the world who congratulated me on my efforts. I was so happy. It was real job satisfaction. I will post the recipe I used - sadly there are no picture cause I ran the battery down trying to make a video of it but even that didn't work cause the batteries ran out half way through. I can either be domestic goddess or techy whizz - just not both at the same time it seems.

xx Lektrogirl

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THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #???

The latest in a long line of emails from my pops.

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Subject: RE: sittin on me bum, bored to death on a Thurs
Date: thursday 31 Jul 2008 03:37:37 +0100
Hey Big wheel, how's things turnin?
Wrote a text to you and lost it. God I am I.T. illiterate. Still I was born a long time ago!
Finsbury Park? Iwas about 7 or 8 , Mum took us to f.p
one day after some firce rainstorm. On the grass I took me shoes orft and ran through a puddle, quite deep, and some penis had thrown a busted bottle in the puddle. Gashed me right heel. Mum got all excited and wrapped it up tight with a hanky. Coupla days it was healing pretty well but turned a bit septic. The old girl got a bit excited and threarened me with a visit to the hospital, so I got a pair off scissors and stuck the wound with the sharp point. Pussy splonge shot out and almost overnight it healed o.k. She blew shit out of me, saying I could have made it worse. Yeah.Yeah!
Just had a visit from a retired(pregnancy) care. Brady. She is a gargantuan woman 250kilos if she is a gram. Still we were good mates when she worked here so was her partner, Tim.
What do you reckon old war medals are worth? I've got mine, 2 lots of Uncle Bob's. See if they're worth anything in a medal shop. You might get a quid. I know they ask for $200 here if you want to buy one.
I'LL HAVE TO ASK YOU TO TEXT ME YER ADDRESS PLEASE. i CAN'T REMEMBER, NOR FIND YOUR ADDRESS.(FARK) Like I said thick as a brick on I.T.
Look after yerself little mate. Hope to goodness you are keeping the tucker up to yer constitution?? Have you got a mobile again? Cheers mate. ex yer pa.XXXX

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Wednesday, 30 July 2008

TIGHTS FETISH


IMG_3620, originally uploaded by zhanlan9.

There is someone every day now inviting me into their worlds by making favourite any picture I have on my Flickr of women's legs and tights - most of which I take for just jokes. I DO NOT HAVE A NYLON TIGHT FETISH - anyone who knows me will know I only wear cotton rich Falke or Woolford tights through the cold months. But I don't have a fetish about it!

Anyway today, zhanlan9 came into my life by making favourite one of my pics and I think they have to be the best pictures I have seen of any tight fetishist yet. They are full of such as mixture malaise which I think comes from the rooms disarray and ennui which comes from the model. I can only imagine what their sex life must be like. If only the pig on the door knob could tell it's secrets!

And who said Asian* girls have no arse?

xx Lektrogirl

* I always make the same mistake I think cause in Australia we say Asian for Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Viet etc and Indian for India but here in the UK I don't know wtf to say cause I know Asian means India / Pakistan etc... Someone sort me out.

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Tuesday, 29 July 2008

SERIOUS MOMENT

The Cardinal and I spent some time tonight wondering if it was wrong to even go on a play date with a married man. I told her this is a question we need to address at our age as it will soon become relevant.



Speaking as a woman who was once married who was play dated on by her husband, I would say it is pretty tough when the news breaks. But then in my situation, the couple were actually banging. Which is why I got so pissed off. I am also one of the most jealous people on the planet you could possibly meet. [Except I had an epiphany about this yesterday and I realised I didn't want to be jealous any more and I spent today with a lifetime of jealousy about things just passing through me - experiencing it all again. Weird.]



I still remember some advice my best friends' mother gave me when I was 18 or 19: "If you can't get your own, steal someone else's." But that isn't a play date.

So play dates with married men - I don't know.



I just know that my love life isn't as rubbish as I make it out to be - there is some magic in the air - even if there is a lot of room for improvement. I dreamt someone was the archetype for all men last night. It was a super intense spiritual dream that came out of the thunderstorm.



Who knows what the future brings.

xx Lektrogirl

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ONE FOR MANARA



xx Lektrogirl

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THE EFFECTS OF SUN


My view, originally uploaded by cjacobs53.

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SHITHEAD

I learnt a new card game today called Shithead with Jappers and Mr Chips in Finbury Park. SO MUCH FUN. I love card games and it reminded me of when I played Canasta for hours with my sister. We had the most beautiful card set with some Carmen Miranda lady on the back. The other card game we played was called Mhing. Or something.



Here is me the only time I was Shithead. Mr Chips ended up as Mega Shithead after crowing all arvo about what a champ he is and how he was going to bomb us all with his cards. And a fucking cheater!!



Here is Mr Chips totally desolate after his shameful loss searching through rubbish looking for some meaning to life. A spiritual cripple.



Some others with no dignity were these Italians who looked peaceful at this moment, but actually when Jappers and Mr Chips went to get some Doritos, they had a screaming row which disturbed my peaceful repose while I stared at the sky and dreamt of all kinds of beautiful things that you think about in summer weather. Unless you are stuck in an office with broken aircon.


Chillax to the maxxx

A long time ago I knew a man who was living in a hospital with patients living with different mental conditions. Robert was a real pain in the arse. He used to collect porn mags and display them by leaning them along his window ledge to offend the female nurses. He also stole cutlery so that he might eat in his room. It was not permitted to have such items in the rooms. All rooms were free of coat hangers, the mirrors were made from metal sheets [not very reflective] there were no shower curtains and no shower rails to tie sheets from.



I was wearing and Oeuf t-shirt [remember that label that Andrew Hartwell did?] that said HOMME MINUS on it when Robert saw me. Robert eyed me up and down and said from under his grey moustache "Oh you are one of those women are you?" I was so emo at the time I felt like crying in his face, but didn't. I'm not a real man hater. But sometimes I feel like it.

It is properly raining now. I love it after a warm day. The air smells like magic spells.

I just went searching for my old French teach at College - Mr Redeker but couldn't stalk him. He was one of my teachers who was very encouraging. He told me that I would be able to do anything I wanted, whatever that might me. I just haven't decided what I want to do yet. Someone else said the same thing today. I'm glad I haven't "lost it" after all these years.



xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 28 July 2008

AN OCCUPATION


jane_09, originally uploaded by st3773.

If you hadn't discovered it for yourself already, there is an inordinate amount of pictures of women in nylon tights on Flickr. Personally I love them and there is something about the repulsiveness of flesh coloured tights and a gusset I find hilarious. Others don't - they find it a full time occupation it seems.

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 27 July 2008

ANOTHER WEEKEND

And so where to begin? It's 9pm and I've heard it was a beautiful day today - I just made it out at about 8pm to walk to McDonald's for something to eat. I wanted KFC but that is further and I couldn't be bothered.

Last night The Cardinal and I were waiting at The Star at the end of the street until it dawned on us that Mr Chips actually meant The Star on Bethnal Green Road for Say Yes. Durrr... So dressed in what we had rolled out of the house in we made it over to The Star to get sweaty with everyone else.



The only woman to managed to keep it together in her Alphabet of Chanel blouse was Jenny Jenny the most gorgeous woman at the house of vice. My only regret is that I didn't manage to get her feet in the picture too. It would have been perfect.



Everybody else was trying to keep cool fanning themselves with 7 Year Glitch flyers that Venom and Cardinal were handing out for the party on 23rd August.



Mr Chips cool as ice and me as sweaty as a Christmas boiled ham. I look like a big fat piece pressure cooked silverside. HML.



It was then off to Lucy's birthday on a roof top in Bethnal Green. It was so amazing sitting out on a warm night drinking the new summer time vibes favourite - Whiskey and Ginger. This is Japper's tipple of choice that I am now adopting. So good. If the truth is known though I really hate the Cardinal right now for being complicit in a spit ball game with Paul Pieroni that took place at Cocadisco which I wont go into detail over but let this be a warning to them both that revenge is best served cold and your times will come. And it was so OMG cause my old friend Koffi was there by chance too. So much fun.



Lucy made Amph dance for ages and did all kinds of moves. She really was non-stop! I couldn't stop laughing! So much fun! It seemed she had a great time for her birthday.



I mean down on the ground with your legs in the air along side someone as smiley as Amph. I wouldn't complain. LOLZ.



A broken man.

Deano was also there and for some reason he was letting me punch him in the face loads of times on both cheeks. My hand actually hurts a little bit today. I hope his face is okay.



My love life is still the same.

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 26 July 2008

BODY KISS


When doves cry.

I have been listening to nothing by The Isley Brothers for the last couple of days. I reckon I could be a great mini cab driver soon. I just have to be able to deal with the smell of those trees. Anyway there are two songs you really need to check out - one is called "I Like" written by and featuring R Kelly and Snoop Dogg. The other one is called "Body Kiss" which is a slow, sexual and spiritual jam that is like flies caught in syrup on a hot day - it is sweet and sickly - especially the kissy noises that Ronald does through the song and L'il Kim sounds real husky and dirty too even though they have put auto tuner on her vocals. Amazing. LOL. Amazing delivery by Mr Biggs. His voice is exquisite. Slow jammer. See I told you I should be a mini cab driver.

Not like the poor pigeon above which is more like the state of my life than the vibes going on in an R&B jam. Having said that, I had an amazing time last night. In a suspect outfit I met with Mr Chips, The Cardinal, Jappers and Bird Cage and went to Cocadisco for some above and below the waist dancing. There I saw SPENNY TUNGATE OMG - he is the greatest dancer - gave myself serious bruises fisting Rachel and got spit on by Paul Pieroni who was doing really incredible floor skids. I was super impressed.



Julianiswatching was also there and looked like a cheese string on the dance floor and pulled some pretty impressive shapes. He's a super sexual dancer!! I would want to be his friend if he didn't spend the whole night inferring I was fat by trying to tickle me all night. There are only two places I'm ticklish and one of them is my inner thigh. The other is more available to the general public so I'm not going to tell. Though my father was a big one for tickles so I spent my childhood years developing the power of mind over matter as an invisible force field for tickle threats.



Earlier in the evening I had a really interesting conversation with James and Amph keeping my eye on what is really important. Here we see the guys eye to eye discussing man to man stuff.

Even earlier in the day, Carri came to see me at the shop. I made her pose for hours while I worked out the flash on the camera that Mrs Kipling has leant me.



Don't think she found it such a chore. When other visitors came in to see me I had to kick them all out cause we were having a really good conversation about tummy rolls and the best meal deals from KFC. Carri and I are high rollers you may have noticed. No fucking junior spesh for us for one pound fifty.



Genuine good times. So much fun! God yesterday turned out to be WWIICCKKEEDD.



Probably cause I went and had a proper dinner for a change at The Giaconda Dining room. It is on Denmark Street. It is so good. I had tuna, puy lentils - everything you see pictured here. People at a nearby table were saying rather loudly "Why is she taking pictures of her food?" so I bogged them out hoping to give one of them a dirty look, but they were too busy talking about me they didn't look back over. They were saying that people who blog food are good for recommendations of restaurants on the internet. If I could recommend any place in London right now, it would have to be The Giaconda Dining room. I can't wait to go back again.

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 24 July 2008

ABBA GO YOU MUG

For the record, I don't even really like ABBA but I have just really got into them when they sing in other languages. Also, it is kind of fitting - a lot of the customers today have been Aussies too - Muriel's Wedding and all.



Commendations to the creator of this video who has spent some time with the Windows Movie Maker software using every transition possible. Perhaps they would use OneTrueMedia these days - the method of choice for modern pimps.

xx Lekrogirl

P.S. Gotta add



Watching this does give me spiritual homeland vibes chills up my spine. You can take the girl out of Australia but you can't take Australia out of the girl.

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I HURT PHIL

I hurt his feelings. It was a mistake. I can see that. I see his passion and his pain. Both of those things start with P. So does his name. But Philip sounds more like it starts with an F.



And today I am in the Shop sitting in the cool basement with my shoes off and feet up on a stool listening to ABBA sung in Swedish in a shirt I bought last summer and never wore and I went looking for some sandals this morning and couldn't find them and found the shirt instead. I had already changed three times but still didn't feel right but I found the shirt and my life just fell into place. I wonder if I can work Max's laptop to make a video like Mr Chips did? I hesitate only because I worry I will end up looking like I have an double chin.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 23 July 2008

MY DREAM

My intense sleep therapy is finally budging my cold. When I cough it doesn't sound like a have a lump of phlegm the size of a small octopus in my throat. The other bonus is that I have started to have dreams again. All the time. About all kinds of things. Sometimes based on midnight phone conversations I have had. Other times just random stuff.



I dreamt I was back at school with friends. I had been expelled but was determined to stay for as long as possible to learn more and eat the free food. As I walked up a hill into a forgotten building, I saw a man who had the most beautiful face. He asked me if I needed saving. We spoke very closely to one another so that I could feel his breath on my face. We kept out conversation secret from a short woman. I told him I did and we left together. Then we walked into a street market where there were strands of seaweed for sale. He had become a woman and was no longer the calm beautiful person I met.

The thing is, I keep dreaming about seaweed ALL the time at the moment. And it always looks the type of seaweed. Apparently to see seaweed in your dream, suggests that you need to rely on your intuition and trust your instincts.

As for the slug in the photo above - I don't think I would trust him. He was getting along really fast. Slugs are meant to be slow right?

Music I'm listening to right now:

R Kelly vs Ginuwine IN THOSE JEANS. [Two Homies for the homos.]





There is someone out there who makes this internet thug cry something terrible.

xx Lektrogirl

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WZUP BITCHES

Phleeze re-evaluate that shit





xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 22 July 2008

GOOD

WEB 2.0

Lord Fauntleroy said that there is no such thing. [You can see that it was doomed from the off.]

I beg to differ and what I consider to be Web 2.0 - Facebook, Myspace, Friendster [remember that! LOL I wish I could remember my login and password] FLICKR [oh where would I be without you] and of course Blogger, rounded corners and scribble fonts.

An aside:
"OH yes! So yes I was right! My blogger files are on my server Lord Fauntleroy! You didn't believe me."

So tonight Drx and I chatted on ICQ like it was the good old days when we would chat on micromusic about Scooter, Marcel Masters would pop up every now and again with his hello kitty picture [OH MY DAYS - I think we had to have him banned or an official warning] and about falling in love and falling out of love and other such interesting matters. [No I never ripped out someone's spine and shoved it down their throat but I was close.] Drx told me that I must post something new on my blog for him to read in the morning or he will blow up the whole internet. I would like to see him try. I asked Bitch Ass Darius if the internet could ever 'run out' one day and he told me 'no' and explained about all kinds of things that would make it impossible.

Tonight, Drx and I used the internet to discuss Photoshop and it's use to erase identity on the internet. I had found a wonderful collection from a Flickr user who was quite good at drawing sunglasses on his nudie wife.



And himself



Drx reminded me of this project on Nasty Nets

Here are two favourites from the collection


What a poser.


Hugged by a blob.

I wish I could find the pictures of the woman who has the pool cue up her fanny that I found while chatting to Silverlink one night on Facebook with the womans face all scratched out with the pencil tool but alas, I have no clue where they are right now.

OH YEAH and does anyone remember that gay website where men would discuss the interiors of people homes who had post nudie shots of themselves online around with the bodies all blanked out? It was amazing and big in like 2000 or so. If anyone remembers anything about this site please let me know. It was HILARIOUS. I submitted a picture of a friend of mine who was dressed in a rubber outfit cause the shelves behind him were atrocious.

Anyway - not a lot of gossip in this post or anything like that. I just had to do it to save the internet for all of us tomorrow lest Drx try to get up to no good.

xx Lektrogirl

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THANKS


Beach Posing, originally uploaded by ▒▒▒▒▒.

So just as I was going to watch another Almodovar movie and have some quiet chill out "L'Oreal Me Time" and chosen which one out of the remaining three DVD's I have to hand to watch next [I'm going to watch Live Flesh FYI] my neighbours decide the time is right for them to have some "L'Oreal Them Time" and started what I can only describe as 'screwing' cause it is exactly what they sounded like they were doing on one particular bed spring.

So I came out to the front room to I don't know, quietly check some YouTube or whatever to find Drx has had this picture up his sleeve to send me today.

xx

BETTER



I REALLY MISS ABBIE AND LEE. Here is a picture of Coco, their cat, who is now living in Berlin with them. I can't stop thinking about this picture. Maybe I should get Covvo to send me a full sized version to get printed for my house.

Also, just checked the Maison B blog and saw this video that Pippa made of the twin 'hip rolling'. Mega LOLZ.



And although they will probably kill me for mentioning it - I just had the most mega laugh out loud moment when I was on the phone to a friend overhearing them have an argument with one of their parents about half a lettuce. It was the best thing ever.

xx Lektrogirl

xx Emma

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Monday, 21 July 2008

IN THE MOOD


Strawberry Pudding., originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

So want it right now.

YERRR REALLY HIDEOUS

It is no secret - I have been really vile lately. To everyone. To myself. To one person in particular who I think the world of and I have been a TOTAL loser. To other people who I have met along the way and really wasn't thinking clearly. I can't scrub any of that out. I wish I could. But I'm so like Cher on a warship right now you'd be like confused as to who was who. You Get Me?

So what changed? Well having someone unhappy with me really wasn't a good look. But waking up and feeling homesick and hung over and dreading another day unfolding. It felt like a long time ago. I really thought those days were far behind me. The turning point came when Fambles came over and watched TV with me. I did nothing but lie there while Fambles watched some show about the pilgrimage to Mecca. We didn't speak. Then today was the cure: I got the opportunity to have a big cry in an office with a man I just met [I don't know why - I always find men easier to talk to, especially strangers] and then I scooted off into town to meet Fambles again and go shopping. It was so good to have some serious old jokes times on a spiritual level.

*******
I just tried to explain two of the best jokes from the day and one involved preferring to get AIDS than have unprotected sex and the other about a guy with a camo backpack who walked past us. Neither joke translates at all.
*******

So yeah, the storm is over for now. I've been a dick. I was totally why u onnu bad mind? Like totally getting your period in a posh pair of expensive knickers. The worst. [This did not actually happen - it was an allegory: i.e. ON A PAR]

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 20 July 2008

HERE'S MY FRIEND SARATEA


floridaoct, originally uploaded by saratea.

No relation to Alex, and only internet friends cause we never met. But I suspect sneakily from her pictures that we are quite similar.

I have to say a big thank you to Marisa and Sara though who both have commented on the most recent Leica selfportrait that I don't look ming.

Today has been totes weird. Well let's make that the last week. I feel like an eaten mango all turned inside out. I had to ask the Fambles to come over and just lie and watch TV with me for a half hour to get some normality back in my day. I spend too much time on my own in this house and end up telling people all kinds of dark things in the middle of the night that are too freaky [in a Rick James kind of way if he was into S&M] or crying over spilt milk.



Went to WORK IT with The Cardinal and Lord Fauntleroy, met up with Carri and bumped into Antoinette. Antoinette and I bragged about the fact we had no bra on each and flashed our boobs to each other then got a bit seductive with the dance moves - not overly though. Please don't start sending in requests for pictures YGM. I have to say however that if I was to turn that way inclines, Antoinette would be one of the first babes I hit on. Only after drinking a bottle of Malibu myself and plying her with another. Lord Fauntleroy pissed me off again by lecturing me on how shit Garage is and that it isn't a real dance music cause it is for the waist up only and proper dance music is for the waist down. For dancing like one of the Marley's. Then he did this very cool dance that illustrated his point succinctly. For such a total nerd he is a pretty special creature. But we both know that we are a total different species to one another so I don't think we will be going on a date any time soon. Nevertheless he is exactly the kind of friend I need. Except for the part where he told me I was a waist up dancer and he was disappointed. I told him that he was just cramping my style. Please Booty Carrell at this juncture stand up for me cause you know me so well.

xx Lektrogirl

OH YERRR AND FUCK ME - who was the cunt who thought it would be a funny idea to play Midnight Request Line or whatever that dubstep horror song is called and ruin my WHOLE party vibes. SO BAD. GIVE IT A FUCKING REST.

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Saturday, 19 July 2008

TODAY TAKE TWO



So Flickr is back in action. Well not so many pictures yet cause I ran the battery down taking 1000 pictures of myself trying to work out all the settings on Mrs Kipling's Leica. It seems to be a very cold and unforgiving camera.

I went into town - everyone was L'Orealing themselves with me time [because they are worth it] - so it was a solo mission. And at more than one point I felt myself to be like a helium balloon and having trouble breathing. I think that it is still my flu. I didn't really enjoy my lunch at the Nordic Bakery today and Ladurée left me feeling a little short changed.

However through the throngs of foreign students w/ colour coded backpacks queuing outside Abercrombie & Fitch [much to the chagrin of not only me trying to get to the Burlington Arcade but to the small packs of homosexual men in distressed denim, crisp shirts and aviator sunglasses who couldn't believe they were going to have to line up to cruise A&F] I decided a few things concretely for myself:

1] Lord Fauntleroy is right. I deserve better.
2] I'm banning myself from Facebook for a while. I've turned into a wasteman. I speak in LOL speak to shop assistants. YGM. Not on! [OJ LOL]
3] And I can't go on letting myself look like this any more:



JESUS CHRIST. I've been acting like it back like 1996 - 1999 again and that wasn't a good look then.

Having said that though, tonight is WORK IT and yerrrr DANCE!

xx Lektrogirl

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SPIRITUAL

Emma's Personal Hexagram:
21: Cutting Through

Saturday, July 19th, 2008
Hexagram 21

General Meaning: The situation calls for confronting a tenacious knot and cutting through it. Somehow, the way to harmony and unity is blocked or frustrated - perhaps by a tangle of deceit or corruption. Like Alexander the Great cutting the Gordian knot, take decisive action and you will meet with good fortune. Don't be afraid to shake things up a bit. The ability to take corrective measures, when they are needed, is an essential trait of true leadership.

But those who bring discipline to bear must, above all, be honest - with others, and with themselves. Honesty is the hallmark of the strong and self-confident. The successful person masters the art of honesty much as a swordsman masters fencing. When lies, delusions and game-playing are getting in the way of teamwork, a swift sword of honest action, perhaps even punishment, must be wielded to protect one's integrity and values. Decisiveness with integrity at a time like this brings good fortune.

Though your actions be vigorous, they must not be hasty, severe, or arbitrary. Be sure to carefully consider all the circumstances. In the case of a serious disruption of relations or events, you must forgive, but not forget - at least until a person has made reparation for his mistakes. If corrective action is necessary, make certain that it fits the crime. When rules have become slack and useless, only through the institution of clear and swift penalties can their effectiveness be restored.

In situations where serious issues of justice are at stake, keep careful records, and do not hesitate to go public with the truth.

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Friday, 18 July 2008

DANCING CURES ALL ILLS

Dancing and macaroni cheese.

Thank God I disable scrobbling cause just now I ate some macaroni cheese and a bit of floury pear and danced around the living room more times than I would care to admit to the trashy Calvin Harris / Dizzee Rascal song Dance Wiv Me. I know. THE SHAME. Lots of cool hand clap dancing and spinning though. Amazing. I cannot tell you how much better I feel for it though! A little bit like scoffing two macaroons from Ladurée. Def on a par. So L'Oreal. YGM.



I know I have been long on this, but tomorrow I will go and get the charger for the Leica Mrs Kipling leant me [OMG the conversation I witnessed yesterday between Mrs Kipling and Lord Fauntleroy over who was most posh and how obvious it was in each other. ROTFLOL. HILARITY.] cause tomorrow night I am going to WORK IT with The Cardinal - so all the dancing now and getting loose is in preparation for that.

Oh and wag1 with prancehall.com today? It's dead?!

xx Lektrogirl

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DECIMONOVENO ATAQUE NERVIOSO



With someone fucking my head, and someone else pointing out that probably I was fucked in the first place I can't say that I have been unhappy. I have definitely been feeling like going out too much, drinking too much and dancing on tables. But I have already been doing that. Like that Queen song 'I Want To Break Free' with some thing weird in the closet.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 16 July 2008

GOOD LIFE



Scrambled eggs and this track later I almost feel human.

xx

SO EMO RIGHT NOW



Jo Apps sang this tonight at Hot Breath Karaoke at my request. It started something deep inside of me. Which revved like an engine fuelled by double Frangelico's [my own plus the ones for Mr Chips cause he didn't like his mixed with coke] and the 2-4-1 Cocktails. I fucking changed gear by the end of the night when this came on:



And by the time I got home, Mr Chips has told me to "Fuck Off" and I was sobbing down the phone to The Twin "Ohhh my God I don't know what I am going to do!! His eyes are too close together!!!"

Already my hangover is starting to knock on my door. I am by no means sleepy after sleeping all day and not being able to sleep all night from coughing the last few nights.

Perhaps I should take the advice of the The Twin and just go to bed...

xx Lektrogirl

[P.S. this is sounding pretty tragic isn't it?! OJ LOL]

OMG and on a random note - Denzel Washington! I feel just like him when he is an alcoholic in that great movie - fuck what was it called?! I can't remember but I wrote about it before on my blog. I watched it with Seb in Hamburg. It was INCREDIBLE.

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Tuesday, 15 July 2008

YERRRR



I can't take credit for finding that it was Facebooked to me today.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 14 July 2008

HERE I AM


, originally uploaded by sannah kvist.

DELIRIUM / THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #10

I have spent the last days asleep, half awake, dreaming, imagining how I wish life was, dreaming, forgetting again, talking too late to randoms on facebook chats and now I am totally lost. I can't remember what I really said to anyone and what they really said to me. I would enjoy the feeling if it was accompanied by sore throat and sweaty brow!

I have had some really nice music sent to me [I know a bit weird but I was really into it at 5am the other night]



And I was reminded of some good times good jokes [I reckon I have watched this about 12 times]



I cried in Greek Street but was laughing by the time I got to Frith Street. Then I got to my street and delirium had started in.

Dad sent me another email:

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX.com]
Sent: 14 July 2008 06:24
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: appropos of sfa as usual except it passes the time talking to an intelligent person


One certainly gets tired of listening to the aged cough their lungs up, dribble, talk incessantly of their bowels, aches and pains, their children
who rarely come and see them, the 'orrible food, much of which appears to have passed thru a human body before,
(like mince on toast, brown, runny, smelly and sits on toast which has wiped a bottom . Suck it and see!. XXCENSOREDXX bloke sounds a bit suss? Not a criticism just a comment in passing. Knowing you, you prolly frighten the shite out of him? He might be a cock virgin? If you end up the duff you can always come home? I'll sign over my half the house to you so you can borrow some dough to start a business. DON'T GO BRAGGING THAT BIT OF INFO TO YER MA NOR SARA)D,H or i'll send a witch to give you warts on the private parts
Just eating a bag og Smiff's chips Original. BUT THEY AINT ORIGINAL because the original used to have twist paper with salt in, nearly 80 years ago. Jesus your old pa is getting a bit aged. Still God's Chosen, the Pope. is 81, He wears red slippers. I wonder wot colour his drawers are? Dpes the pope have to wipe his bum. or does he have a bumboy?Cheers Darling daughter. Try not to scare shite out of yer dere ol' dad. Keep safe. PaXXXX

Just for the record I don't know where The G.A. gets the idea about the getting pregnant stuff from! Totally random. Cause I didn't say anything about that to him! Jesus. Even my own father calls me a slut. But then everything I learnt about sex I learnt from him anyway. I remember him drawing anatomical diagrams in the columns next to his crossword puzzle for me. I remember also sitting in the dining room when I was a kid listening to Dad in the living room talking to Grandpa talking about all the women they had sex with when they were younger. They thought they were being really discreet but they were both deaf they were practically yelling at one another.

Okay friends I feel that if I go on, I will be writing more than I should and my astrology told me today to be more circumspect... LOL

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. If anyone wants to bring me some food please do.

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RETURNING A GOOD DEED

I told Mark I would post the news of the Eley Kishimoto sample sale around town. You should go!



xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 13 July 2008

REALLY REALLY ILL

Folks my health gets worse, but with some moments of feeling better in between.

God - just typing this and my energy is sapped. However, please check DJ Bobo. A friend and I are working the idea of cooking a feast together. And this is what I say in response to that:



xx Lektrogirl

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THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #8

I think it is number 8 or maybe 9 - either way it doesn't really matter.

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX.com]
Sent: 13 July 2008 05:44
To: Emma Davidson XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX.com
Subject: appropos of s.f.a.Except yer a lousy shite who doesn;t email her dad when she shouiod remember she can't text me and tell me she is stil in the land of tge almost living

Dunno woss happened here. I started typing but the faggot continued in the re: line, May e I forgot to shuft te curser. F.K?
How aew hings going?.- over the shock yet? Any signs of the culprit? The theiving plonker? Male or Female? Don't suppose you had time to notice. Bad cess on thebastard.
Any luck with a job? Do not actually know what is implied but the abjuration of 'bad cess? Probably means somebody will pour a bucket of shite on him. Because A 'cess was a pit into which theworking class emptied their bowels.Cheers. E'maile me or did he take your fingers too? yer pa.XXXX


And for an added bonus, here is a little something from my nephew Sam!

From: Sam
Sent: 13 July 2008 04:58
To: Emma Davidson
Subject:

hi auntie emma i hope you are having a good time in england i miss you emma i really love you emma i will always love you i will never ever not love you. i am going to a new school in devonport i will be nice to you next time you come down here for a holiday in australia. it was my daddy's birthday the other day and it was coutney's party as well daddy turned 34 and coutney turned 7. on wednesday it will be auntie rae's birthday auntie rae is turning 36 uncle mark turned 28. tom is going crazy so am i so is chloe it's winter down here today it's sunny on monday i am going to the dentist and i don't have to go to school i can go swimming from sam



xx Lektrogirl

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GREAT ACCENT PRACTICE

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Saturday, 12 July 2008

GOOGLE


Google, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

They have painted over this a long time ago. Nameless and I were talking about it just the other day though.

SO AMAZING!!

xx Lektrogirl

Friday, 11 July 2008

NOT SO HOT



sore throat, my period, weird itchy thing on my leg and rain.

what is a mangy girl to do?

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 10 July 2008

THE PARTY GOT STARTED

With thanks to Madame and Cazza, the following post rinses their Flickr accounts cause until last night I did not have a camera. More on this in a minute.



There was a lot sitting around and drinking and waiting for something to happen when I arrived with Mr Crisp and Mrs Kipling to the Antony Price PRICELESS / TOPMAN launch. It wasn't until I took the matter into my own hands [literally!! as shown above] that the action really took place... LOLZ! What a gorgeous thigh!



Max had been working very hard with Mrs Price on putting the range together and the launch to happen. Here he is with his ventriloquist dummy "Pippa" modelling an Antony Price suit which is part of the Savile Row collection. This suit is called the Joan Crawford. It is STUNNING.

INTERNET TIME WARP
Sorry folks I just disappeared into a hole rinsing this blog for MP3's and checking out all the amazing donut pictures

God so where was I?



Yes - back in another time warp. The DJ's last night at TRAMP were really fucking awful. Alex T assures me that even though he spent a long time dancing, the music was hideous. He stayed later than me. To give you a feel as to the kind of tunes that were being played [probably on CD and not vinyl] check out the looks on the faces of Pippa and me. Okay? I think this picture speaks a thousand words.



There was a lot of booze too at the party. Max told me that he had to walk home cause when he sat on the bus, he wanted to be sick. I'm sure he wasn't the only one. Cazza's Facebook status update was rather telling this morning!! HAHAHA.


Mr Chip and Mrs Kipling kept it real by smoking toothpick blunts all night which we circulated round the table like a bunch of losers. Pippa even kept a straight face while talking to someone or other in a suit and a quick puff continued to pass the dutchie on the left hand side. Why we thought this game was so good I'll never know.





And the night was officially declared by me "THE NIGHT OF 100% BABE HAIR"

As a child, my mother would never let me grow my hair long cause she said I never brushed it enough and I had to have it short [with a rat's tail - her only compromise with me] until I was OLD. What a crying shame as it is quite clear that I have naturally babish hair. Other girls who are worthy of this title are Manara, The Cardinal, Cazza and Mistress of the Goodvibes Universe.



I also loving Pam Hogg's hair. Back in Tasmania, my sister and I used to copy her clothes out of i-D magazines and sew them for ourselves cause we couldn't buy anything decent back then. This shade of pink for Pam is really beautiful!

And check out Mr Chips shirt properly:



As this picture was taken, I was giving him a wedgie. But don't we still both look so glamorous and manage to keep it together for the camera!! That folks is true style.

On that note from another evening from my fabulous life, I bid you good night [unless I find some other killer YouTube video or something a bit later.]

xx Lektrogirl

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DAS WEB 1.0 PROJEKT

Another great project that has come to my attention today is DAS WEB 1.0 PROJEKT by Michael Ruß. I was directed to check it out by my friend who can pour Vodka onto a knife and in with another drink so they don't mix together, Olia Lialina. You can read her post about DAS WEB 1.0 PROJEKT here.

As Olia says "It’s a pity that the demand for a more colorful, personal web can
again not be met."

xx Lektrogirl

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=^..^= I CAN HAS HISTORY? =^..^=



Student Helene Dams has made the most amazing web page here that was forwarded to me today by Dragan Espencheid.

I have not seen such impressive work for some time.

xx Lektrogirl

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NAMES OF ALLAH

Tonight Mr Crisps and I made jokes about our chosen Muslim names while we sat and had dinner at Wong Kei. I know - Wong Kei and me have had tough times. I'm still not convinced. Mt Crisps name came out something like "Something Giraffe" and mine was "No email" - I picked my name to be after Naima who works at Feasts Cafe. Anyway this is all by the by cause the real crux of this post is to show you the work of a true artist, Sara Manara. You cannot get a better gif than this:



I swear to you - it is the BOMB. Which is probably not the best choice of analogies but you know what I mean. OJ LOL. [Own Joke LOL as coined by the Air Commodore today.]

Then tonight I was at Tramp for the Antony Price party. I was so happy to meet Mrs Price after all this time. He made some good jokes and his glasses were BOSS like a cab driver from Ghana. YGM. And you can't beat that. Ampofo I wish you were there. Hopefully photos to follow soon from Madame and Cazza. Though Cazzaroo was pretty shit faced when I left and quite possible won't be waking up tomorrow until quite late. Her hair was FABULOUS though.

I have to go to bed though. Oh yeah I saw Brian Ferry. And I am the proud owner of a new sterling silver vase.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 9 July 2008

SEX MUSIC PLAYLIST


Roachford: Cuddly Toy

Oh it is big jokes in my crew about the Air Commodore's mate Dan who's sex music playlist was the Roachford album featuring Cuddly Toy as recently as 2001. It is claimed he now listens to Grammy award winning John Legend. I wonder if Dan ever listened to Are U Gonna Go My Way by Lenny Kravitz cause it is kind of on the same tip as Roachford.

xx Lektrogirl

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GOON & KOYOTE IN FRENCH VICE

GOON & KOYOTE - LE MAXI DE LA MATURITÉ Pt.1

Les légendaires Goon & Koyote viennent de sortir leur maxi "Wellness Is Wild" et il faut que vous l'achetiez immédiatement bande d'enfoirés immatures. Sachez qu'en plus de faire de la super bonne dance-music, les deux faux-jumeaux sont aussi les mecs les plus cool de la terre. On leur a demandé pourquoi ils avaient légèrement changé de style musical, des fois que ça ait à voir avec leur consommation de nourriture bio et de cigares.

C'est la première partie de l'interview, la seconde arrivera dans la fin de semaine. KEEP DANCIN.

Salut les mecs, comment ça va ?


Goon: Ça va super. En fait c'est un peu relou pour moi, je suis en train de déménager en ce moment. C'est à dire que je me déplace entre les cartons, les tuyaux et le plâtre et que cet enfoiré de Koyote ne vient même pas m'aider. D'ailleurs je compte le solliciter très prochainement.

Koyote: Mouais, c'est quand même loin d'être sûr que je me déplace.

Votre maxi est sorti lundi dernier. J'ai ouïe dire que ça marchait très bien.

Koyote
: Oui, on en a vendu 3. Non c'est pas vrai, en fait on a même été numéro 1 electro sur iTunes Store la semaine dernière. C'est cool, même si je pense qu'on a du retomber dans les profondeurs du classement depuis.

Goon: Le truc c'est que le maxi a buzzé grâce à la grosse promo qu'on a faite un peu avant la sortie, mais là ça s'est un peu calmé c'est vrai.

Koyote: C'est un maxi composé de trois titres à nous, et de deux remixes. Le titre principal c'est un vrai gros morceau deep-house à l'ancienne. Pour les remixes, c'est nos potes Dre Skull de New York et Dikulous de Londres, parce qu'ils ne nous ont pas demandé d'argent. Dikulous, c'est un des pseudos de Dj Guy en fait, qui est pour nous le meilleur dj Booty européen.

Quand on vous voit, on dirait vraiment un vrai couple avec ses petites habitudes et ses petites gueulantes. Comment votre histoire d'A a t-elle commencé ?

Koyote
: On s'est rencontré en 2002 sur un forum ghettotech, ça a été le coup de foudre. C'était l'époque de l'internet 0.9, personne ne parlait de booty en France, c'était le gouffre.

Goon: Sur ce forum on était trois français et on s'est rencontrés en s'envoyant des mails pour finalement se rendre compte qu'on habitait à 10 minutes l'un de l'autre. On a fait des trucs tous les trois ensemble à une époque, mais depuis on a coupé les ponts avec Ice Kid.

Votre musique a beaucoup évolué et s'est adoucie ces derniers temps. Vous n'avez pas peur d'être devenus "matures" ?

Koyote
: Matures, nous ? Ouais voilà, on est vachement matures ahah. C'est le mot le moins fait pour parler de notre musique je crois. On est immatures mec. Après je comprends que les gens qui nous ont connus il y a trois ans à l'époque de nos soirées Diamond Grills soient un peu désorientées aujourd'hui. À l'époque, on mixait vraiment que de la booty, donc on est vite devenu "les dj's booty parisiens" et ça nous a soûlé. Donc on s'est mis à mélanger nos sets puis à mixer de plus en plus de trucs différents. Mais de là à être matures, je ne crois pas non.

Vous mixiez booty avant la grande explosion du truc sur internet. En fait, je ne sais même plus depuis combien de temps vous êtes là...

Goon
: Je crois qu'en France, c'est le passage de Disco D au Nouveau-Casino qui a déclenché l'engouement pour la dance music du ghetto, en 2003. Mais nous, on mixait de la ghetto-tech déjà bien avant l'apparition des blogs héhé.

Koyote: En ce qui me concerne, je mixe de la booty depuis 97-98. J'ai vraiment découvert ça à l'époque sur Radio Sauvagine quand j'habitais à Bordeaux. À l'époque ils passaient en boucle un mix de Dj Funk, et moi qui écoutait plein de techno de Detroit, j'ai pris une énorme claque. Et j'ai compris que tous les artistes de cette scène ghetto-house connaissaient aussi les dj's techno que j'adorais. Je me suis dit "bingo, je ne vais mixer que ça maintenant".

Goon
: Moi c'était quand j'habitais à Rennes en 99 et un pote de l'époque collectionnait tous les maxis du label Dance Mania. J'ai directement trouvé que tous ces trucs tuaient.

C'est quoi le truc qui vous a fait dire : "OK on va être dj's booty et pas autre chose" ?

Koyote
: C'est les paroles de cul. C'est le cul qui nous anime tu sais.

Goon: C'est le côté immédiat des morceaux, les morceaux partent directement et sont plus dansables que n'importe quelle autre musique. On aimait aussi le fait que cette musique reprennent plein d'éléments du hiphop et du funk, puisqu'on en écoute beaucoup.

Koyote: C'est aussi le côté hyper rythmique de cette musique qui nous a poussé à ne faire que ça. Les tomes des 808 et 909, ça nous rend oufs. Un peu comme la house tribale tu vois ? Je suis un grand fan de house tribale, Antoine Clamaran tout ça... Il faut que tu le dises.

Et tout votre délire Miami bass, Latin freestyle, c'est venu après non ?

Goon
: Ce sont toutes les mixtapes des mecs de Detroit qui nous ont introduit à ces sous-genres. Le fait de tout mélanger dans leurs mixs nous a servi pour nous documenter sur ces musiques un peu obscures.

Koyote: En fait il faut savoir que ce qu'on appelle "booty", c'est un mélange de trois musiques distinctes : la ghetto-tech de Detroit, la ghetto-house de Chicago et la Miami Bass. À Detroit, les mecs mixent toutes ces musiques ensemble.

Goon: Ce que les médias ont appelé "ghetto-tech", c'est une manière de mixer en fait. C'est ces mecs de Detroit qui mixent les morceaux rapidement et avec un tempo accéléré. Ils prennent un morceau de Freestyle des années 80 assez soft et vont le transformer en truc beaucoup plus violent.

Le fait d'avoir été catégorisé comme "les dj's booty de Paris", ça vous a bien soûlé on dirait...

Koyote
: Oui c'est clair, c'est vraiment un truc qui nous emmerde. On se considère plus du tout comme les mecs qui ne passent que des trucs ghettos dans leurs soirées. C'est pour ça qu'on a complètement changé nos sets et que l'on passe beaucoup plus de house et techno classique. Et pas mal de rave du début des années 90 aussi. Maintenant, de tous les trucs ghetto que l'on jouait avant, on ne passe plus que de la Juke en fait. C'est de la ghetto-house actuelle, avec un tempo très rapide. C'est le truc le plus intéressant en booty à l'heure actuelle, des mecs comme Dj Nehpets, ou Dj Rahsaan défoncent.

De toutes façons, la vision des gens à propos du délire "booty" a changé.

Koyote
: Ouais maintenant, le truc a tellement évolué que tout le monde sait ce que qu'est la ghetto-tech, même les meufs savent directement reconnaître un morceau booty. À la limite, c'est trop populaire à présent, ça a perdu tout son côté nouveau tu vois.

Goon: Et puis plein d'autres artistes, style Crookers, ont vachement assimilé cette musique. C'est plus la peine de faire ce que les autres font maintenant. On voulait faire quelque chose de différent, pour lequel on était pas réputés. On a digéré la musique ghetto.

Koyote: On est matures tu vois !

Goon: On entre dans une deuxième phase.

Ah, la French Touch 3.0 ?

Goon
: 4.0 en fait pour être précis. Soyez prêts Paris, l'Europe, le Monde, en 2012 on sera là.

You can find the interview with pictures here on the French Vice site.

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THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #8

Well - I have been a dutiful daughter and been responding to my father's emails. So of course, here is his latest offering:

have you told your ma to do something to the card, like cancel it, toot sweet? Some bastard cleaning her out when she's trying to accrue enough to have the old pad painted an all, Fark, She'd fall pregnant! And that would be a miracle job. I' m only glad you're in one piece....ecccept the bits there are two of? Legs, arms and breasts, etc. Eyes, ears,cheeks,etc. I have nightmares about you exploring London, you dichead It's a dangerous corner mate. What happenned to your kickboxing? I though maybe you could have left him with one irregularly shaped bollock at least one?
What on earth did I say that curled your hair? I thought I cleaned it up to NOTupset your innocence. YEAH. (ony yokin,)
I'm trying to get a note of thanks to Sir David Attenborough before he or I dies. Just to thank him for being such a terrific presenter of wildlife, and giving me so many hours of pleasure and seeing so many animals I would never have seen in my lifetime, but I don't know how or where to send the email. What an illiterater I.T. person I am. I remember you two girls and the Apple comp we bought,"Dad, we've told you ren times how to do it" And I was only playing Packman You were only 6 and Sars was 4. you pair of Smart Farks.
There are 60 inmates and about 40 have had the turds and spew' We heard they might allow visitors from tomorrow. But I wont see ma till SAT. Which reminds me. Some smart arse invaded Prepaid mobile and cleaned me out of 20 bucks. My fault actually. I put my number into a stupid question,"Do you want to know when you will die? put your number in the box and we'll tell you.
I thought it was a Life Assurance probabilities thing. But 'no' it was a scam and they took 18 bucks out of me account. Sara bought the mobile for me but she can't remeber the pass word she entered, so TELSTRA can't follow the complaint up. Fark! See you later kiddo. Lunch up. and typing one handed is only Half the farking story.
Luv yer. Try to stop giving me nightmares. paXXXX

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Tuesday, 8 July 2008

GOOD FOR PUNCHING


, originally uploaded by sannah kvist.

My 6 year old nephew called me up tonight to tell me that he has watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles [the movie] on DVD and that he electrocuted himself on the electric fence at his school. He goes to a farm school and gets to check out ducks and sheep and go on hay rides and stuff.

He has burn marks on his fingers like he was snipping at the fence using his fingers as scissors. That will teach him to mess around with electric fences! He said that it felt like his fingers exploded. He sounded pretty impressed with himself. He left out the part his mum told me later that his teachers note home after the incident said he took a long time to stop howling...

I finally saw the end of Dark Habits tonight. Definitely my favourite Almodovar movie in my Almodovar marathon. Another sad ending all about love and loss and longing. Which I think is a theme in everybody's life - and one of my favourites. Watching a nun wailing at the loss of her love was very satisfying.



Last night's movie, Matador, that I watched with Covvo was about death and sensuality. About primal urges. Some AMAZING outfits on the lead character - the lawyer who fucks men and kills them by stabbing them in the back of the neck with a specially crafted hair pin that looks not unlike a kebab skewer. Covvo and I knew we were in for a treat in the opening scene of this movie. The lead male character was jerking off to a movie of women being brutally murdered in horror films with just the death scenes having been edited together.



Antonio Banderas was also in this one as a psychic student matador who confesses to the murders of the other two... Banderas was looking pretty hot in his grey sweats on the hospital bed. But in the Almodovar movie Law of Desire he was SUPER HOT. I was really shocked. He has lost a lot with age.

Anyway - in town today picking up the final copy of Dark Habits and walking through Soho I noticed I was flinching whenever anyone moved to quickly through my personal space and it made me feel freaked out like I was gonna get robbed again. Hopefully this will soon pass.

xx Lektrogirl

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FOR THE OCKERS

I got this list in an email from my Mum, The Mutts, this morning:

You know you're Australian if.....

1. You know the meaning of the word 'girt'.

2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

3. You think it's normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

7. When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom.

8. You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

9. You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.

10. You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'.

11. You believe the 'L' in the word 'Australia' is optional.

12. You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'

13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

14. You call your best friend 'a total ba$tard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a ba$tard'.

15. You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

18. You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.

19. You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread.

20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

21. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'.

22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

24. You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'.

25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.

26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

29. You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite.

30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

31. You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'.

32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.

35. You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours’.

36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.

37. You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

42. You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

Now - here are the JOKES!!

I sent this list to Covvo and Cazza and neither of them knew what GIRT means [number 1].
So I refreshed their memories: "National Anthem Ladies!"
To which Cazza replied "I thought it was DIRT by sea!!"

MEGA LOLLAPALOOZA

The SHAME Cazza - THE SHAME!!!

xx Lektrogirl

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THE EMOLATOR



Designed by one of Dragan's students, the EMOLATOR is an amazing way to totally make your life suck and HML all over the place.

http://www.emolator.6x.to/

You get to choose your EMO, upload your picture, resize it so it fits and then it gets posted on the EMO Gallery.


Here is Bern from Bodenstandig 2000 who 'is gonna cut myself to be free'.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 7 July 2008

FLICKR FIGHT

Scroll down to see the exchange between me and Miss Plum

I just wanna comment back "O HAI - I'm so happy for you, smugface!"

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SO HML! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

2008!!! F.B.I. [that's French LOLspeak for 'fausse bonne idée']

Apart from all the stuff do do with work I have dealt with this year, financial woes, being ill, getting mugged etc [sorry to whinge] TODAY I got stuck in the rain, forgot my PIN for my only bank account with any money in it, nearly got run over by some 'youth' on his bicycle burning round the corner on the pavement and AM GRAPPLING WITH MY OLD PHONE WITH THE STUPID KEYPAD FOR THE LETTERS. All the while trying not to send out too many hate vibes to the universe.

On the plus side, Max rang me today and started to sing this:



Which is super funny cause it is the kind of thing my sister would do [only she would sing 'You Give Love A Bad Name' or 'Living On A Prayer' more likely]

Oh the Little Witch just rang me and I can't remember all the anti complaining I was going to do but I had a good laugh about The Twin, A Dog's Life and getting your period etc. SGT [serious girl's talk].

Aussi j'ai parlé avec le Parisian Jew et i told him my latest stories which he declared 'Hyper Mignon' et non il n'est pas un PD. En fait he was on his way out to buy sexy presents for his girlf.

In other super exciting news: This Wednesday night it is the launch of the Antony Price "PRICELESS" line for TOPMAN with a party at TRAMP! I have seen the upcoming collection in mock ups of the look book as Max has been working with 'Mrs' Price very closely putting the project together. I think the collection looks great. Sadly I won't have my camera :((( but I think Madame, Mrs Kipling, Caz [fellow Aussie Babe] will all be there and have their snappers out so I will be raiding their photo's like crazy for the blog. Anyway I have to totally rework the look I was going to be wearing now my Jas MB clutch has gone. I'd been thinking about it for days... Shit... What is a girl to do?

You know I will tell you something good - I loved walking back from the High Street today where I got rained on to see all the giant puddles and massive floods cause all the drains are blocked around here by leaves, twigs, petals, bits from people pruning their hedges and maybe a bit of dog crap in a plastic bag and the occasional Mc Donald's sauce lid container. It seems so civilised. Rather than in East London where I know that the drains are all blocked by chicken bones, knives, odd sneakers, eviction notices, more chicken bones and somewhere my forlorn belongings never to be seen again. A parochial mentality I know, but my mentality none the less.

xx Lektrogirl

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O HAI


O HAI, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

Need I say more?

xx Lektrogirl

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #7

the cushion is on the chair Dejong's grandfather died in and he(your ex boy friend!) passed on to me. It is worn and tatty but is big enough to accommodate my arse. I quite often fall into a nap in it. I have had to find another hiding place for me pisso bags, since the pisso sister discovered where I hid rhem. The 'f' slag. I wouldn't pee on her if she was on fire, or touch her knockers if I had rubber gloves on. Jesus a man would have to be hard up.
GLAD YOU'VE GOT SOME GOOD MATES(fuck) Specially Max. Hard to believe that you are so near the house i spent a fair bit of my youth in. All three brothers have climbed the kindof steps around the front door to get into room over the front porch. We were all hell-bent to stick a bit into a bird called Angela. Mrs Shaw's niece, who was deh-initely a bit of a nymph. I reckon I must have told you about Bob giving her one against her front door(knee-trembler)wehen he heard mum coming up the stairs belo0w him. B ob dispensed his 'rice-pudding onto the carpet and bent down and covered it with the doormat, before ma saw his antics. Another time the old man heard Peter making his way down to her bedroom, so the 'old man' went hell-bent after him some minutes later. When fathwer got to the room he was stunned to find that P had used two frangers in such short time. Good luck to both of them. I'm stuffed if I know why,how, we didn't put her up the duff. We were eventually invited to her wedding to some poor barstard, though Mrs Shaw gave the three of us a bollocking for getting into a corner with her bottle of Drambhui Liquor! Being young wasn't real bad. Being old is a bastard!
If you went up the stairs in 55 till you came tho the penultimate flight. you would walk into the kitchen straight in front and the bathroom on the left' I the corner between the 2 door my old man had puta small shelf about bottom height.One day mum's maid, one Beryl ENGLEFIELD was poncing about like a horny woman so I hoisted arse up on to the shelf and gave her one. What did I hear but ma plodding up the stairs. Jesus! I managed to do me duty , whipped it out and ducked into the bathroom. I left Beryl there clutching at her skirt and drawers in a bit of a fever. But Ma either decided NOT to see, or thought the scene too distasteful to comment upon, because Beryl returned to work the next day, whereon I finished the job on my own bed. What a bastard yer dear old Popsie was/is?
Lunch calls buddy. We're in lock down. no visitors until the wog that spewed and crapped about 50% of the inmates subsides.
Thanks 4 the email. made my day, li ttle mate. Cheers, frae yer pa thedirty old b

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Sunday, 6 July 2008

I WAS ROBBED


HOUSE OF WINGS, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

Last night on Kingsland Road on my way from 333 to The Korsan Bar to welcome my friend Phil to London, I was 'mugged' by two 'youths' in 'sportswear' who legged it off into a nearby estate. Luckily for me, Alex T - the sub-editor of this blog [my hero] was there to save me and allowed me to call the cops on his phone, search through some skips to see if the bag had been dumped. Not as lucky as the time my Marni bag got nicked. But two kind of dorky hot cops arrived in their patrol car to take my statement within minutes of me reporting the incident. They were super friendly and nice and I even got to use the super cops phone and they sorted out all my network provider business for my phone etc.

So I had stolen
1 Jas MB patent leather clutch bag [Sorry Dal - when the guy grabbed it I just let it go. I didn't fancy a shanking.]
1 Prada wallet which was the first posh thing I bought for myself when I came to London
1 all the money I had in the world [not a lot anyway]
1 Christian Dior 'Indian Rouge' Lipstick that was MY COLOUR and in the old blue/blue packaging
1 MAC compact [which I only used for the mirror]
1 Sonia Rykiel Bijoux Keyring of a little girl which were limited edition and sold out almost immediately that was a present from Max and Pippa
1 lucky $1 from my old ex Daniel De Jong which I had kept til this day cause he had given it to me to wish me luck
1 Nokia E61 mobile phone that I hated that doesnt work properly anyway except for checking emails and blogging - as a phone it is useless SO HA HA that Paul had chosen for me
1 Sony super incredible amazing Flickr Friendly camera that was my whole life with X-Girl lanyard that was a present from Max in LA

But on the upside, I got into The Korsan Bar for free and saw Bangkok Impact play. He was pretty good - but not as good as his records I have to admit. I really regret not seeing Legowelt when he was there.

So yeah - a few bruises to show for it - but I WAS ROBBED.

Also now that House of Wings has closed down and I look at the picture above, I was robbed. I so want that right now.

The Cardinal was a dream and let me sleep on her sofa last night and cooked me eggs and salmon for breakfast while we waited for someone to unlock my house for me. So grateful!

I have so much stuff to say but I feel totally deflated after last night.

Maybe when I have mourned the loss of my photos that were on the camera I will be able to be more chirpy.

Anyway - Facebook / Myspace / Email me your numbers again - I don't have them any more!

xx Lektrogirl

Saturday, 5 July 2008

SYDNEY FOOD

I can't wait to go here: The Giaconda Dining Room on Denmark Street. The Chef is Paul Merrony from Sydney. If someone has been there, let me know how it was! I'm DYING to know.

The menu at the moment [I picked up a card in Milkbar] reads:

Shellfish Bisque 5.00
Salad of Beetroot & Leeks Vinagrette; Goat's Curd 6.50
Pumpkin Risotto with Oregano 6.00
Boneless & Crisped Pigs Trotters; Eggs Mayonaisse 6.50

Crab Omelette; Green Salad 9.50
Crisp Roast Salmon; Deconstructed Piccalilli 11.00

Grilled Pork Chop; Risotto Milanese 11.75
Grilled Rack of Lamb [for 2 people]; Tian & Gnocchi alla Romana 24.00
Rigatoni with Braised Pork Sausages and Veal Shin with Tomatoes 9.50
Tripe Braised with Chorizo; Smoked Paprika & Butter Beans 9.50

Poached Peach; Eton Mess 6.00
Chocolate & Coffee Mousse; Caramel Sauce 4.50

I think I would have the Beetroot [and hope my friend would order the pig's trotter so I could have a taste because I'm a bit gutless and I'm not sure I would like it] then either the Crab Omelette cause I love eggs or if I was more hungry the Pork Chop and skip dessert.

Imagine the pictures I could take!!

xx Lektrogirl

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4 AM FIDGITS

I'm a light sleeper at the best of times as anyone who has slept alongside me will attest. Some just opening their eyelids is enough to wake me. And when I'm awake, I'm awake.

I went to bed with the world's greatest stomach ache from eating all my moules et frites, all the Air Commodore's frites and half of the Cardinals moules. Now at about 4am I'm awake and starving again. As per usual there is nothing to eat in the house.

I'm looking forward to being in Soho at Maison B for the day again because it means I can get coffee and a toasted sandwich from Milk Bar on the way in. Today Covvo and Mrs V came in from Germany and I was so happy to see them. I love them so much and really miss them. We had a great gossip over pink fizzy something (so SATC) and I got to telll them all my latest matters of the heart news while they told me about beer, sausages and bike riding.

i'm also covered in bruises at the moment from various activities. There are only a few positions I can lie in bed without them feeling tender.

Someone please bring me a bratwurst and senf so I can go back to sleep.

xx Lektrogirl

Friday, 4 July 2008

I FORGOT ABOUT THIS


Gross, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

I love this shop in Changi Airport in Singapore. You can buy a medical boob, a uterus or a peeled cat, dog, horse or pig.

xx Lektrogirl

AS BAD AS EVER

Mollywood and I haven't changed. AT ALL.

We still play records on the wrong speed [because we prefer it], don't notice a track has finished because we are too busy dancing, drinking more than ladies like us should and dancing in ways that should only be in private - but we like it that way. That is how we started out, and how we mean to go on!!

On Saturday night we are playing at 333 Old Street at a night called 'Time For Tea' with live bands downstairs.

Expect the usual punky indie scream electro singing poodle music from Mollywood and italo hinrg disco booty music from me, with our pleasure.



Also, please note one of the worst flyers I have ever made.

xx Lektrogirl

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #6

Here is the latest email news from my old Dad:

Howdee partner, how's yer fukkin 'orse?
And OMPOLO!
Yeah ma got the 2 photo's of some good looking shagger. I stuckk 'em on me wall sio I see them when I'M LYING IN ME SCRATCH. wHO IS SHE? Left the caps lock on agen. Gawd yer ol' man is a twit. I keep me night bags under the cushion, (nite-bags which one attaches to the permanent leg bag catheter to save getting out of bed at night
(obviously) to empty the bastard that hangs on my leg all day. I'm dangerous enough lying down on the bed without trying to get up in the night. Why do I hide them because a day Sister goes into my private? drawers and nicks them when she wants one(saves the lousy cow walking an extra 20 meters to the store cupboard, even if it is my last one. She sprnds a lot of time in the pub. a Right Pisso. Her legs are shaped likle beerbottles and when she's been on it her eyes hang down to her nipples. And definitely one woman I wouldn't if she offered to pay me. Yeuch! Sniff up big ,there's plenty to go round . Got 0 go to tuckka Kid. keep yer spirits up. I just had 500 bucks O.A.P PUT INTO MYA'S ACCOUNT(FUCK) AND TOLD HER TO LET YOU USE IT IN CASE YOUR 'UNGRY. (FUCK AGEN) Ialways forget the C.P's
see yer later Kiddo. Luv FROM YER ANCIENT PA.XXXX

LOL!!

In other news I will be in Shop At Maison B on Greek Street for the next two days if you want to come buy and pick up some A.P.C. or SONIA by Sonia Rykiel in the sale! I can also be bribed with NOUGAT from the coffee shop on Old Compton Street or Roseanis macaroons from Laduree. And make mine a Soy Flattie from Milk Bar on Bateman Street.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 1 July 2008

BLACK CINEMA

While Silverlink has been making variations on a theme revolving around the 'Black Issue' of Vogue Magazine for his Facebook profile this month 'Separate Toilets Anyone' etc etc I was in the mysteriously names Zavvi today [to get a replacement copy of Dark Habits by Almodovar] and noticed that they have a BLACK CINEMA section. It doesn't actually say it in big letters on the stand itself, only on the individual dividers for each movie. But it was there and it shocked me none the less. Particularly as the movies classified as BLACK CINEMA were Beverly Hills Cop and Beverly Hills Cop II, the one Beyonce was in etc. I don't know if they are BLACK CINEMA in so much as they have actors [I used that term loosely in Beyonce's case] who happen to be black.

xx Lektrogirl

FOUL PLAY FOWLER

My friend Stephen Fowler is about to have a new exhibition - this time at The Horse Hospital. Let's hope I make it to the opening on Friday without having to stand outside 'in the fresh air' and lean on a car because I was worried I would pass out and die from too much drinking the night before, then end up at Tsouni's birthday by accident with a bottle of Lucozade in my hand and end up playing musical statues til 5 in the morning watching Amph and Alex T wrestle in their socks. [Like I did at the last one...]

The Chamber of Pop Culture Is Proud To
Present:

'Instead of wives, they shall have toads" 
An exhibition by Stephen Fowler

Exhibition
Saturday 5th July - Saturday 26th July, 12-6pm
Mon-Sat 
Private View Friday 4th July, 6.30pm till late


The artist will be in residence on Thursday, Friday
& Saturday of each
week.



Stephen Fowler is a Folk Artist of extraordinary complexity, who over the past 5 years has created a vast body of work illustrating a deep emotional journey of personal identity. Discovering Fowler's work is literally like leafing through the pages of a giant eclectic scrapbook, which at first glance could have been created half a century ago, Fowler's multifarious practice embraces many traditional crafts, forgotten techniques and skills that belong to bygone age, drawing freely from the worlds of Dada, Surrealism, Constructivism, Abstract Expressionism, Outsider Art and Steam Punk to create his own diverse and rich aesthetic.

From naïve paintings of remote architecture, places of worship and hospitals, to moving portraits of troubled individuals, plant life and shell fish, Fowler presents us with a chronicle of assorted drawings, paintings, prints, posters, intricate handmade bookworks, leaflets, flyers, badges, sculptures, found objects and ephemera which reflect his various obsessions for graphics, poetry, old records, photographs, film.

"Instead of wives, they shall have toads" puts forth a meloncholy and playful world engendered carefully and lovingly 
by this sensitive artist. 

Fowler is well known for his creative collaboration with: The Murri Folk Club, Tapestry Music Festival, Tatty Devine, Zeel, Mark Pawson, Rob Ryan & Rocky Alvarez.

To accompany the exhibition there will be a programme of film and live music events. Curated by the artist.

FILM NIGHTS +
EVENTS


Wednesday 9th
July, 7.30pm

£5-£4 mems/concs 
We Have No
Art 
1967 26 minutes 
+
Mary's Day 
1964 12
minutes
Two documentaries on the Artist, Teacher, Nun; Sister
Corita. 
+
Danielson: A Family Movie (or, Make a Joyful
Noise HERE)
2006 105 minutes
Starring Danielson Famile & Sufjan Stevens with cameos from Steve Albini, Rick Moody, David Garland and DANIEL JOHNSTON.

Tuesday 15th
July 7:30pm

£5-£4 mems/concs
Charlie Chan at the Wax Museum 
Directed by Lynn Shores
1940 B/W 66 minutes
Wax figures, hidden rooms, secret passage ways and pelting rain.
Sidney Toler stars as Charlie Chan in this claustrophobic museum setting.
+
The Bat Whispers 
Directed by Roland
West
B/W 83 minutes 1930
An old dark house melodrama.

Friday 25th July
7:30pm

£7/£5 members & concessions 

Home Made Record Sleeve Performance
(D.Js Nervous Stephen and Rocky play records from 'Home made records sleeves volumes 1 and 2' books, as corresponding record sleeves are projected). 
+
William Fowler Band 
(Post Barrett Space Folk)
Monogram
(Old Timey tunes)
The Country Teasers
(The Fall meets The Carter Family)


The Chamber of Pop Culture - "SERVING UP POPCULTURE FOR 15 YEARS
The Horse Hospital - Colonnade - Bloomsbury - London - WC1N 1HX
phone 44(0)207 833 3644
The Horse Hospital

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GOON & KOYOTE ~ WELLNESS IS WILD

Finally my friends Goon and Koyote have their first EP released and I am well excited - not only because I find the cover artwork extremely arousing [and it was my desktop image on my work laptop for a loooong time] but because I LOVE these tracks.

Oh and the classic Goon quote from the birthday party in Hamburg last year listening to Philippa, Pip, Manara and I natter away like girls is "What is 'stiffy'?"

GOON & KOYOTE
1st EP "Wellness is wild" (DIGITAL ONLY)

1/Keep Dancin'
2/Pussy Out
3/Wellness Is Wild
4/Wellness Is Wild - Dre Skull Mix
5/Wellness Is Wild - Dikulous' Zulu Mix

Disponible sur
iTunes | Virgin Mega | Fnac Music



www.myspace.com/diamondgrills

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