Thursday, 31 December 2009

WAKE UP AND IT'S A NEW DAY







I have my friends from Nantes with me. The first thing they did when they arrived was open their bags and pull out:

A shoe box full of cheese
3 bottles of champagne
2 different assortments of chocolates [one home made]
Fois gras
And a a bread I can't remember the name of but it is super thin, filled with garlic and called something like "Pre Crazy"

So tonight we will be drinking and eating and making a radio show together for their show THE BRAIN all about the different turns of phrases in each language and the literal translations.

For example:
"faire une perruque" translates as "to make a wig".
What it means though is to do personal work at work. Like 200,000 print making your own pornozine on the work colour photocopier. Which I could do actually thinking about it as I am actually at work right now et je fais une perruque avec le blog. So, I digress. Now you know what I will be doing and I hope you all have something fun planned.

Happy New Year to all my lovely friends!!!
I was going to say something about dying in a fire to people I hate, but I actually felt too mean saying that now like I would curse myself. So consider yourselves lucky that you get off once on the last day of 2009.

And what a shit year for me it had been.

xx Lektrogirl

Monday, 28 December 2009

DEPRESSING WEATHER


Baby Kiwi Fruit, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

There is also a passion fruit vine, a banana passion fruit vine and a grape vine in the same part of the garden. When the passion flowers are in bloom is so beautiful. And of course all the roses are out etc.

BUT back in London and grey grey grey. If I knew how to build a giant sun lamp for us I would.

xx Lektrogirl

Sunday, 27 December 2009

I LIKE THIS PICTURE OF AMY

Saturday, 26 December 2009

POST CHRISTMAS POST


Merry Christmas, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

This was actually Christmas Eve. Dad and I were making a video. I hope this Santa's helper didn't deliver your presents this year. Cause if they were as filthy as the things that were coming out of his mouth, there would have been a lot of blushing on Christmas morning.

I am home. My cat Hobart is suddenly fat. I don't know what The Cardinal did to her. I'm going to starve her till the New Year and see what happens.

I on the other hand was told separately by both my parents that I could do with losing 10 kilograms and I am too fat. Happy Christmas to you too. The thing is my sister lives on the other side of the world, with a totally different diet, life, lifestyle, is a swimming instructor, mother of 3 kids, does all these diets all the time etc etc and our bodies are identical so I think looking at pics of all the aunties and great aunties on Dad's side, this is who we are. Well I do wish I had the motivation to go running at the gym like Mrs Kipling and watch episode of Law and Order on the iPod, but I think she does it purely to ensure her intake of chocolates that are kept in the freezer is not limited in any way. Basically at the Kipling house, all there is in the freezer and fridge is chocolate and film. And woe betide anyone who splashes water on the shiny work surface in there ;))))))

HAHAHA personal spin out moment. This blog started three years ago gossiping about all kinds of no-one DJ's and non-starters from nowheresville and now look at the kind of "gossip" I'm spreading. Careful dear readers, don't lift your skirts too far above your ankles... At least no-one has smashed a plate of food over my head in a restaurant for my blog.

Oh hang on - EX HUSBAND AS I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE OR HOW TO GET HOLD OF YOU - maybe one of your ex / current / weirdo girlfriends [that is a choice of three not a conglomerate] who read my blog for no reason that I can fathom, or some other nosey parker that will love nothing better than some shit stirring - can let you know that I HAVE JUST HELD MY FATHERS HAND WHO WAS CRYING THAT HE WOULD NEVER SEE ME AGAIN AND TRAVELLED 34 FUCKING HOURS AND OPENED MY FRONT DOOR TO FIND MAIL ADDRESSED TO YOU FROM YOUR PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT ON MY FLOOR. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU DUDE?! HOW MANY YEARS HAS IT BEEN?! Don't bother calling. It's in the bin. Oh and that cool shop at Changi with all the acupuncture models in it has gone and is replaced by an upmarket Chinese "Health" Store.

I bought the Panasonic camera that is the same as the Leica DLUX-4. Exciting.

I'm glad to be home.

xx Lektrogirl

Friday, 25 December 2009

THINGS I LIKE IN CHANGI AIRPORT

1. The carpets
2. The numerous foot massage machines
3. The clean spacious toilets which are all over the joint and have plants and powder rooms
4. The free internet
5. All the carp ponds in the different terminals
6. Dr Fish in Terminal 1 open 24 hours that have the ponds of baby fish that nibble the dead skin off your feet (tho I didn't do this)
7. Getting text messages from my 2 homes saying 'how's it goin?'
8. Knowing that I have a home at either end of the journey.

Last time I was here going through security, a man at the x-ray machine was asking me about the studs on my bag and what the word in English was. The other two were laughing saying 'Don't worry he's from Africa. He used to eat people but we have him under control now.' The guy started doing tiger moves and said 'Yes I ate live animals.'

I was glad to board my flight.

Xx Lektrogirl

THE WORST XMAS EVER?

I spent today watching my sister and her family unwrapping presents in Devonport via skype from Hobart. 2 hours drive. Then, backwards and forwards to my Dad in the home three times. Each time he was either rude, crying or beligerant. Or all three. And still refusing to eat. After lunch, Auntie D did a massive shit and I walked into the bathroom about 20 mins later and I nearly choked.

I am going to try and come back in March like I originally planned. But it's awful not knowing if your Dad will be dead or not.

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

FRIENDSTER

Remember Friendster? I just did and went back and looked at my page. Hohoho. Last comments were from 2003!!

My Friendster Profile

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Saturday, 19 December 2009

INVESTIGATION



God, I have been cracking up to myself about this video and the party, with the baseball caps, divas, cats and disco lights. I can't possibly make the jokes I want to. But I laughed so hard I coughed up a slug of phlegm which landed on my sleeve. Gross.

xx Lektrogirl

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SOMETIMES I AM SO STUPID



I spend ages on YouTube the other night trying to find this song again, and just realised after reading the first month of posts on this blog ever it was there all along.

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XMAS TREE REPORT FROM THE CARDINAL

I have a bet with Mrs Kipling that the devastation will come Sunday UK time. In the mean time here is a picture The Cardinal sent me showing how delightful Hobart is at the moment. Look at her little legs! Behind the laser eyes, that look on her face is "acting". In her mind, she has thrown herself deep into the branches of that tree. I swear, unless Cards drugs her, that tree will come down.

Last night I called Daniel Dejong. I thought he would never call me back. He did! He has a little baby girl born on the 5th of December. Sagittarius just like me. And her name starts with E. The story did break my heart a little bit. But I am so happy for him. He seems he has found his stride. And now I know why he never ever ever took his top of in front of me. But I'm not going to tell. People think I blab everything about everyone. But yes folks, even I have secrets.

xx Lektrogirl

THE GA BACK AT THE HOME


The GA at Home, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

I got up at 6am to get ready to go to this exhibition my Auntie Diane had some work in [aka A.D.] I was relieved to be up cause it was such a struggle to be asleep with a headache and snuffy nose. I made a tea etc etc. Kicked over the rest of the fence Mutts wants me to demolish made from concrete breeze blocks with one foot.

Then off to Salamanca to see teh exhibition and the market where there is about 100 stalls of Tasmania shaped clocks made from Huon Pine or tie dyed silk scarves or soaps. I found one stall with second hand clothes and one woman with food stuck in her teeth asked me all about second hand stuff in London.

Then I went to the Mongs vegie stalls and bought some baby courgettes with the flowers. Only we call them zucchini here.

Then I lost my temper with Mutts and A.D. for taking so fucking long as I was seriously fading. They got me a National Pie which A.D. told me she heard was aka a "body bag" and never ate one again. I enjoyed it never the less.

I went and visited the GA and to make him useful I put my feet on his bed and he gave them a rub with his good arm. He was real happy. He was chatting away about how he feels lucky to have his prayers answered and to see me one more time. Then he went on about a number of the other people in the home who have died since he has been there, most of which he didnt like very much. He had a chuckle about every one saying "She was an old bitch" or "Rude bastard" or whatever.

He also called the Chaplains wife a big bosomed bottom swinging lunch gobbling fucker and he was wasnt going to change to "having faith" for her.

xx Lektrogirl

Friday, 18 December 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB UPDATE


The GA, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

It was a horrid moment when I was in Melbourne at the airport and Mum text me to day Dad was having an operation and there was a strong possibility that he may die on the operating table. I really thought "FUCK I'm not going to make it."



When we got to the hospital though, I should have known that of course the prick would make it. It was so weird to be standing next to his bed after coming so far hearing him say "Before they took me in for the op they told me that I might die. I seriously thought I would never see you again." So if you want to talk about tears and emotions, all I can say is A LOT.


And then there were some LOLS.


Next day he was back in the home with a cup of tea and all that plastic tubing off. Irony of the situation is now I have a sore throat and headache so can't go round to see him today.

I cooked him some Cardomom and Pistachio shortbreads though. Tomorrow will be macaroons.



Got to go though cause Mum is nagging me to get dressed. It's quarter to four and I suspect she has a point. I'm going to Coles to get some prawns as big as my hands.

Kind regards

Yours Truly

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 16 December 2009

MOONAH

Just to add, man with moonah cap and half his teeth missing sat nearby. Tassie in effect.

39 degrees

I dont want to rub your noses in it or anything but I'm sitting outside in the shade reading an article in New Scientist about dogs being smarter than cats with me shoes off, birds singing, car doors opening and closes, women with varicose veins, blokes with beer bellies, polite teenagers, and the breeze, Australian flags, blue skies and blowies. And I'm outside an airport. All I can smell is sunshine and gum trees.

Shit - I'm gonna need a hat for when I'm here and I left my softcore one at home. Fuck knows what old cricket hat mum will have.

Xx Lektrogirl

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Melbourne

Well folks ITS A SCORCHER OUT THERE!! All kinds on wardrobe malfunctions, stubbie shorts, thongs and wrap around mirrored shades going on. And OMG some serious mutton. I cant help cracking up at everyones accent! Aussie blokes i have to say are hot. A fashion workout and a haircut but gimme a blow amongst the gum trees, with lots of plum trees, a sheep or too and a kangaroo. I think only Mrs G will get that.

Thanks to ganstas in South America my trip into Melbourne City is foiled, but I have enough for a packed of Twisties and some raisin toast and a latte.

Xx Lektrogirl

P.s. Thanks to the bank of sheilas!! I will be in touch at a later date. X

Hahaha

Card cancelled due to transactions in columbia while I'm penniless in Singapore. No access to any money for the rest of my time in Tasmania.

Rippa.

Monday, 14 December 2009

PUBLICITY


CLUB PHILOS, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

I have had to increase the Cardinal's responsibilities. She is not only "SWF best friend", The Cardinal is now to be know as my "Number 1 Publicity Advisor" after finding some graffiti scrawled in the toilets at Visions.

LEKTROGIRL IS A SLUT!

Imagine.

Sophie Blair and I were taken aside in grade 5 by Mrs Beekmeijer for a quiet word that we didn't have to feel obliged to let the guys kiss us or cuddle us at recess and lunch time. Otherwise it could lead to people thinking bad things about us.
Shortly afterwards, Jason Roberts who was also in out class and had impetigo around his mouth all the time gave me a love note which read "To my sex loving girlfriend, I love you." I didn't even know what sex was. But I kept the note in the cuff of my brown corduroy jeans only for it to fall out when I got home and have my Dad march down to school to have a word with Jason Roberts.

Anyway so there was The Cardinal, PR Advisor and I slugging back the G&T at visions and I told her about the graffiti. She laughed, asked if I took a photo and said "Well it's all publicity!"

Then we danced all night long & shared a black cab home cause that is the kind of bourgeois women with cleaners, cats and speciality bake ware we are now.

What sluts!

xx Lektrogirl

Sunday, 13 December 2009

12.12.2009 Москва


12.12.2009 Москва, originally uploaded by im_foto.

And I had a lovely time at CLUB PHILOS.

xx Lektrogirl

Thursday, 10 December 2009

NOUS ALLONS A LA PLAGE

Hot Christmas!



Musique: Projet de compilation "PARDON MY FRENCH" ("J'ai Toubon")

xx Lektrogirl

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CLUB PHILOS

HEY EVERYONE! LAST CHANCE TO GET CALLED A PRICK IN 2009 BY PHIL, SEE PIPPA BROOKS ON THIS SIDE OF 50 AND SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS BEFORE IM OFF TO AUSTRALIA:

C L U B P H I L O S
b e c a u s e y o u a r e w o r t h i t !

CLUB PHILOS IS HERE

CLUB PHILOS



Come down to Club Philos on the 12th of December at Visions Video Bar, Dalston. 100% wicked party vibes, crisps in bowls, pineapple and cheese on sticks, amazing deco. Every person gets a free party bag at the end of the night. It's gonna be wicked so don't miss out, only £3 to cover cost of venue hire. Proper vibes. CLUB PHILOS
12th December
Visions Video Bar
Dalston
10pm - 6am



Andy Jenks
Pippa Brooks
Rachel ball
Matt avery
Thomas Whitehead
Jive Bunny
Philie-t

Loads of crisps.



!ALL WICKED TUNES ONLY!

!!!LABORATOIRE GARNIER!!!

only > £3 <



CLUB PHILOSOPHY.

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

SPIRITUAL


zoom, originally uploaded by marisaolson.

Well on top of everything else, I got my period with cramps like the San Andreas Fault in motion. [Sorry Mrs K - that is why I didn't answer the phone. I just got off the tube, had two heavy book bags and felt like I was about to prolapse.]

I am looking forward to the weekend. I am already very sad to be leaving Hobart for two weeks because I will be IN Hobart visiting Dad. But the Universe is a very magic place and who knows who I might run into there and what I might do.

Tonight dredging the internet for disgusting nudie pictures that make squeal with delight or snort in hysterics was very fruitful. I haven't [we haven't Val & I] added pics on there for a while. Due for an update soon I should think. The new sporadic research is because we are talking with Akroe about the possibility of doing a photographic project with him.

So my next question is: Anyone game enough to do a mental shoot? You wont have to have sex with anyone, or put anything in yourself, or suck anyone off - or even show us your Money Box or you Magic Stick - but nudity will be required as is the ability to put a cardboard box on your head, do cartwheels and basically act lameatnames.

xx Lektrogirl

Monday, 7 December 2009

STRESS ALERT

Got woken up at 6am with Hobart doing a little wake up sick - a pukette -next to the pillow on my bed. I had gone to sleep thinking about my Dad as he has been having confused spells and now he has a sign at the bottom of his bed saying "Hi John. You fell out of your wheelchair and broke your hip. That is why you are in hospital." He is having trouble always knowing what is going on. He told Mum to tell me he is sorry. Sorry for what? For being a prick when I was growing up? Sorry that he won't make it to March? Or was the "Sorry" a "Pardon?" for some other conversation he was having in his head with someone else?

So I am going home on Monday. I am dreading the flight, the fatigue, the lack of money, how it might be before I get there/after I get there and all the work I have to do before I go away for my boss.

So,imaginary boyfriend, why don't you come over, cook me pasta and tuna for dinner and make crap jokes all night? Oh, that's right. You don't exist. Sorry.

xx Lektrogirl

Sunday, 6 December 2009

MIGRAINE


NCP 010899-8, originally uploaded by otisarchives1.

Nursing an absolute shocker today.

xx

Saturday, 5 December 2009

JUJU

And no I don't mean the Champagne bar in Chelsea.





So, The Cardinal gave me the fabulous book Nollywood by Pieter Hugo. I love all the pictures of the women and witches and demons. I know how they all feel! Redwine and peanut sick dreadlock anyone?

SATURDAY! I spent quite a while reading other birthday presents from last week scoffing nougat and waiting for my cleaner to be 2.5 hours late which is long, even by her standards. I did call her to find out what was up and she was having a fight with her flatmates who all had electric heaters in their rooms and not admitting it so she was paying more than her share of electricity. The landlord came for a big meeting so big trouble in little Ghana.

Through the course of the day, I decided the best use for my completely luxurious and useless new Luella notebook calf skin bound and embossed with a mushroom, would be to jot down some of Dora's comments about life. And today I was laughing with tears in my eyes about Elizabeth the other white clear she knew that was so fat she has no shape and so she told her and Elizabeth complained to the supervisor but no-one cared, the old lady who had a stroke and the Jamaican threw away her walking frame and how Jews [the חסיד ones] wear shoes that are so bad that if you throw one, not even a dog would touch it.

xx Lektrogirl

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JOE


joe short, originally uploaded by All About Eve Babitz.

One of the many reasons I hang out with the boys for Madame whenever she asks me. I have to say, I wasn't there when this happened, but how fabulous that Madame recorded the event for all of us to see!



And oh!



More interesting than this woman having a go at the Beyoncé routine is the kid in the background. What is she up to?

xx Lektrogirl

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I WAKE UP ANOTHER DAY


, originally uploaded by ½ '.

LOVE IS A WINDING ROAD



And it is a shame when everyone else finds out about it...

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 3 December 2009

_MG_2393


_MG_2393, originally uploaded by sannah kvist.

AT THE RESTAURANT

On my own rolling round East london after a visiting an exhibition / gallery opening on vyner street with my boss. So I end up in the rivington grill bar on my own.

Xx Lektrogirl

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

REEVE 36721


Reeve 36721, originally uploaded by otisarchives1.

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Hi!! Another year down [the drain?!] but another year's wisdom.

How lucky am I when I see one of my favourite Flickr streams has post dozens of French children's books from the 30's which I have to say is EXACTLTY WHAT I LOVE!















And I will end this birthday post with a picture of myself.


THE BIG WITCH

xx Lektrogirl