Friday, 29 June 2007


I'm going to Paris tonight so I'm gonna miss it but ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GONNA BE THERE - even pregnant JoJo! I'm totally gutted. Even though this rave has the worst flyer I have ever seen in my life [no - this is the second worst actually. The worst one was a party I was playing in Holland. It was for micromusic and had a picture of Boney M on it for some reason with all smudgy yellow and mustard colours on it... anyway...]

It is also impossible to read. So here is the email that has been going around:

This Saturday 30th June, from 10pm, in a warehouse in Hackney WickYou are invited to
in the Olympic zone, Hackney Wick.
This is the last party in the Olympic zone before the opening ceremony in 2012! From this Monday morning the whole area is being closed for the next 5 years. This is your last chance to get inside “the zone” and LOVE the industrial wasteland which is being razed to the ground to make way for the Olympic wasteland.This is a once in a lifetime opportunity come or you’ll regret it.The dawn seen from the stairs of this building is very, very beautiful.

Entry: £2.50
Drinks: Very Cheap

Music: Silverlink, Brains, Thugly [7 Year Glitch], Faggatronix, Skull Juice, GM Baby, DJ Klose One and more...

Here it is:

Get there by: Overground to Hackney WickDLR, overground or underground to StratfordBus S2, 276, 236, 30, 388, 26 to Hackney WickBus 158, 69, 257, 276, S2, 308, 25, D8, 108, 241, 473, 262, 238, 86, 104 to Stratford

Get away again by:Night bus N26, 236 from Hackney WickNight bus N8, 25, 69, 108, N86 from Stratford

Call one of these taxi numbers (list will be available at venue door on exit but put a couple in your mobile phone now):(020) 8555 8888, 8555 5555, 8534 6464, 8534 5359, 8519 5555, 8525 5950, 8986 7000, 8533 9992, 8533 2000, 8985 7261, 8985 8500, 8986 4074, 8525 4630

I know it will be difficult, but have a good time without me!

xx Lektrogirl


Tuesday, 26 June 2007


What an awesome concept for a TV show! I could watch it for hours. The best parts are when the tank has finally filled with water and in the studio they take long shots of the tank. The womans body distorts and she sometimes has massive thighs or Oompa Loompa butt or something. Really cool!

Oh and for all the peeps who read the thing I wrote about Female Ejaculation, here a cool video I found that made me laugh. It is a commercial from Australia.

The following video of a female gyno vaginal exam made me want to puke. Tho's its still easier than shaving a face everyday I think and getting stiffies at innappropriate times [or not at appropriate times]

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SEXE - My French VICE

Here is something I wrote that was included in the first edition of French VICE Magazine.

Grâce à Brigitte Bardot, les Français ont eu le monopole du sexe pendant des millénaires. En réalité, ils ne font que parler de sexe et parler et parler et parler... Et pendant qu'ils jouent à la pauvre petite chose romantique avec une ame complexe et torturée, la meuf s'ennuie et se demande quand elle va enfin pouvoir se faire mettre. L'autre truc, c'est que les Francais adorent l'adultère. Ils font ça d'une façon tres typique qui comprend des crises des larmes, des cigarette roulées fumées à la chaine et des centaines d'expressos.
Les Anglais sont plutôt du genre, on parle trois secondes au pub, on baise rapide dans un voiture pourrie. Le mec dépose la grosse meuf en larmes dans le parking. Puis, elle va se taper le barman dans une ruelle entre deux poubelles et finit avec deux enfants à charge dont le beau-père est alcoolique. Les Allemands, eux, ont beau se sentir coupables à cause d'Hitler, ils n'arrêtent pas de baiser comme des lapins sans en faire toute une histoire. Alors, qu'avant même de t'embrasser les Français se sentent obligés de te raconter qu'ils sont encore traumatisés par le jour où leur mamam leur a mis une tape parce qu'ils avaient renversé de la grenadine sur le canapé du salon.

In other news:

DJ Magic and Brains had lunch the other day at House of Wings. Apparently Magic had 12 wings and woofed 'em down.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 25 June 2007


I got MySpaced today from a journalist I was interviewed by back in the day. He wrote some funny comments in his message and reminded me of a weird thing that happened to me one day at work when he cut and paste a transcript from the interview.

Him: Anyway, I think I came off as a schmuck in the interview we did so sorry about that! Here's a bit of the interview anyway:
Me: "but then there is just general crap you get when you are a woman. i walked to work the other morning and the office where i work is in an area of london where there are a lot porn shops and hookers around. a guy was standing in the doorway to where i work. i asked him who he wanted to see in the building as there is a security code for the door and you can only get
in by ringing a buzzer. the man followed me up the stairs into the building on the pretence that he was maintenance for the building. we got to the top of the stairs and it became clear he actually thinks i am a prostitute.
fortunately there is a second door with a buzzer up the stairs that i can slam RIGHT IN HIS FACE."
Him: I think I asked a few stupid you sorted me out a bit :(

The building on Brewer Street where I used to work was so wrong. One year after Christmas holidays I came back to the office and the door was ajar. The corridor stunk of piss. On the wall was writting in Bic biro "The whores on the first floor will rip you off!". The toilet on the landing had the door smashed in and stunk of shit. The lights had been smashed out in the corridor. And the air was clinging to your lungs. It was so creepy. It turned out the prostitutes were clipping in our office block doorway. So much was odd there. I've overheard rent boys discussing business with respectable middle aged men from the inside of the door. I hated waiting for people outside the door of the office cause men always stopped to ask how much. The office where I work now is much nicer. But I really miss Soho.

At work this morning one of the girls showed me the most awesome video she had on her camera - MISS DYNAMITE dancing on the weekend in someones front room with some blonde girl. Just like totally casual, but getting all weird as soon as they realised they were getting filmed. Miss Dynamite did her community service at the end of my street. And I've seen her in my Doctors waiting room before. Both times I saw her in the neighbourhood her hair looked AMAZING and she sparkled.

I have no songs in my heart today to share with you. I just had to go and have an intervention with a friend to make a big change in something that was turning to serious shit. Things are back on track now, but I felt bad having to do it. And only good things will come of it.

Sunday, 24 June 2007


What Day Is It?

Oh Man! So I'm awake now and I really wanted a cool chill out weekend with a lot of rest. Next weekend I'm in Paris with Pippa and that will take a lot of energy eating cake. Etc. Max is also going to be there too I think. He will want to chew the fat. But I don't want to do that. Pippa and I planned to check out Fifi Chachnil but I don't think I can stand Max's tourettes whilst doing that and also the £1200 for the ticket to Australia for Christmas burnt a hole in my... soul... Anyway where was I?! Okay so on Friday night was the Extreme Animals show at the Old Blue Last. I like that pub a lot and think it is great for "traditional" bands, DJ's and MC's but not the best for making a big gay sweatbox - which I was definitely in the mood for. But many very very cool things happened though, which resulted in this:

Thug Missus

Daniel ASBO D kissed me right on the mouth in front of Prancehall when I said hello. It was a total moment. My knickers couldn't keep it all in. Prancehall won't let me take pictures of him any more. It doesn't matter. I still have a lot of old ones I can post and make stupid jokes that I don't mean and totally offend him with...

The Incredible Hulk

Philipa promoting the 7Yeezie / DO IT! party featuring DJ Assault

After the sound check, Philipa, James, Jacob, David and I all went and had dinner together. James was being the Alpha Male all night. But that is okay cause he is doing some design work for really big cosmetic companies right now and I'm sure his office is like full of girls walking around in bath robes getting facial treatments and bikini waxes. Philipa and I were trying to calculate the number of beers she could drink to stay under the legal limit cause she had to drive the drum kit back again. We had a good time at dinner with a lot of warm converstation and friendly laughs.
I wish we had invited these guys along. They would have really helped keep our positive vibes buoyant.

Brains, Easychord, Thugly.

Oh no - hang on it's okay - Brains got loose.

Paul and Paul

Silverlink and Paul came.

Cassetteplaya came.

The Extreme Animals came.

And with the rythmic wild congo style deep from africa spiritual drumming of David:

Jacob got naked:

Silverlink and Brains got sexual and demanded Carrie and I perform a Booty-Off with one another:

And with the out of control vibes rising I spiritually raped Jacob:

And the whole night ended in a fried chicken orgy back on my sofa bed at 2AM. We listened to Mo-Do and all fell asleep.
xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Also to note XXCENSOREDXX and XXCENSOREDXX are hating on XXCENSOREDXX right now cause they feel like XXCENSOREDXX isn't being a good enough friend right now. There was some major air pie around.

P.P.S. Also, XXCENSOREDXX writes gossip as their main job. But XXCENSOREDXX is the first person to give me grief if I write something here that XXCENSOREDXX doesn't like. XXCENSOREDXX's justification is that the people I write about are people me and all my friends know which is personal stuff. Maybe I have ideas about my station and I think that me and all my friends live in our own celebrity stratosphere, but are celebrities people too?

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Saturday, 23 June 2007

Toadfish is a total bogan [The Simpsons]

THE MOST HILARIOUS THING I HAVE SEEN IN AGES. Jacob showed me and we were talking like Toadfish for the rest of the day. And they way Homer says "Marge, You are breaking my heart!" is a real tear jerker.

You can find more of the Famicon peeps who made this here.

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Thursday, 21 June 2007


Wednesday, 20 June 2007


Gucci Prada

I spent a fortune on a ticket to Tasmania for Christmas yesterday. And I mean a friggin fortune!! So my life till next payday is more like the above video than the usual Beyoncé shits I'm used to. Jacob and David come tomorrow and I can't wait but I won't be high rolling this weekend - it is party weekend and gallery openings a go-go. Who wants to buy me a drink?!

Maybe this guy:

xx Lektrogirl

Super Soca - It's A Real Thriller!!

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 19 June 2007


Poison - Nothin' But Good Time

So to put us all in the mood for something sexual, here is Poison with one of their hi-amped-NRG rock hits - although the part where Ian Astbury from The Cult rolls around on the floor on the video for Fire Woman does it for me but I think that is more a personal thing...

So - Poison put you in the mood?

Women ejaculate, too. It is just that there is no girl I know that gives a fuck. Guys on the other hand love spunk all over the place and they don’t care where it lands. Some guy’s will even ask if you can feel them spurt on your cervix cause their load is shooting out so hard. The answer to that, for the record, is no.

Some guy’s deepest regret is that they never saw the girl they were banging 'squirt' – they felt a wet spot but missed the show. One particular guy I knew would eulogise his ex-girlfriend like this: She had two great talents – one was that she could play the entire hits of 2Unlimited on the piano and the other was that he got her to squirt a bit once. Clearly to guy, finding a squirter up their with being able to suck your own cock – pretty fucking awesome. It is convenient to speculate that an ugly girl who squirts has a higher fuckability factor that a pretty one who doesn’t. So what is it they are expecting to see? A face full like Samantha got in Sex in the City? Would a guy rub it on his nipples and lick his lips given the chance?

The science of the situation is without the big words that sound like names for a venereal disease, girls pee hole tube runs through vagina tissue that gets sensitised through sexual arousal. In between the tube and the vagina are the Gräfenberg glands [aka G-spot] and joining the pee tube and the pee hole opening is what some guy called Skene's glands. With orgasm, tests have shown that these glands release on average about a teaspoon of a slightly milky alkaline fluid. Sometimes the fluid runs back up the pee tube towards the bladder, sometimes it seeps out the pee hole and very occasionally it can squirt out. Occasionally it mixes with pee or there is more of a build up of this liquid and it can squirt out more than a teaspoonful. It is most likely that in porn movies people who look like they squirting with loads of clear liquid gushing out all over the satin sheets thrown over some sofa are faking it by peeing instead. But who is to say that if a girl pisses when she comes and it feels good is doing a bad thing? I remember once standing in the bath with my little sister and I got all excited and ended up pissing in her eye. I felt great about that actually – was it my first ejaculation? Some people go so far as to believe that if a girl pees during orgasm, that IS female ejaculation. Check but beware the occasional stomach churning feminism.

For the majority of the female population, it seems that there are various methods that claim to turn a non-squirter into your regular Super Soaker: all of which look like they take a lot of time, practice and laying down clean sheets in case you piss the bed practicing. The results though aren’t for girls. It is a show and tell for the guys – cause they don’t know half the time when a girl is even faking or not.

Next time you have the chance, ask girls you know about squirting [and I asked a Canadian exotic dancer specialising in pole work and just won a position to compete in the sex show olympics, her lesbian girlfriend, my boss who was a Playboy nudie model, an art director at an image library, a make-up artist and the girl who sings opera for Venetian Snares] and I guarantee the first thing she would say is “Eurgh as if sex isn’t messy enough as it is.” The exception to that rule is if you ask the members of – they will add that they can squirt to their profile to make themselves sound more interesting – but it is the same way the female contestants on Big Brother all say that they are bi-sexual.

Why is squirting so important? Male ego? Maybe it even has some similarities to a particular bird’s mating ritual, which I viewed with a mixture of intrigue and feeling grossed out on some nature show. Big Bird turns Lady Bird on by pecking her in the vagina with his beak until she squirts out all the old come left behind by other birds who have given her one earlier that day. Then the bird gets his little pencil dick out [it’s so thin I was shocked to see it didn’t snap – he must have been packing major wood] to give her one of the fastest fucks from behind in the animal kingdom. But regardless of the golden showers, the final cumshot of this is: All girls release a little bit of fluid at least internally, some girls ooze, very few squirt and if you have given a girl head, you most likely already swallowed.

xx Lektrogirl


Monday, 18 June 2007

Early 90's Australian Pop


I have had this band EUPHORIA on my mind for like ages now - but I couldn't remember the life of me. I thought I would be easier to trawl through the internet that have to call my sister and sing all the songs to her. We both used to dance around the house to this. And Drx will totally choke - this song even has a SAXAPHONE solo. I hate the saxaphone. I like REALLY hate it.

The ugly woman with the brown frizzy hair was the main vocalist but in the first #1 single Love You Right the blonde one lip synced all the way through. Which was bad cause it happened at the same time Milli Vanilla got caught out. I didn't give a shit about that - I liked the songs anyway.

Melissa - Read My Lips

Can you remember clubbing back in '91? Those two tone jeans were soooo cool. Down in Hobart we would hear all these stories about Three Faces and Chasers [two cool clubs in Melbourne] and I imagined everyone was dressed like that.
Anyway, this song was pretty hilarious as it was easy to sing along with your lyrics - but offensive. I mean instead of "Read my lips" it was "Suck my clit" etc etc. Melissa also had an incredible song called Sexy is the Word.

Collette - Ring My Bell

This wasn't my favourite one of hers - I preferred ummm... hang on Wikipedia... All I Wanna Do Is Dance but there is only one video of it on YouTube.


Not only is this an awesome rendition of So Excited by Dannii Minogue when she was still in Young Talent Time but also some of her fashion designs on show! Dannii actually designed a range of clothing for K-mart as I recall.

So folks, these are the hot Australian fashions in 1987.

Speaking of hot fashions from 1987, here is the video PaperRad and Paul made in Ireland. Jacob is coming to stay on the 20th and I'm so Excited. Just like Dannii Minogue! I need some Vapoorize! [Did you see that on TV last night?]

xx Lektrogirl


Friday 13th Spin Out

I'm spinning with Pippa - it is a real blonde vs brunette battle. Hopefully a lot of hot guys will come cause all the hot girls with gorgeous hair will be there. And I don't have to spend my life single...

xx Lektrogirl


Sometimes this is the only song I listen to.

Sometimes I listen to the version by Mariah Carey and Jermaine Dupri [he's such a loser]

I've been checkin' you out
And I noticed that you ain't just one of the crowd
So tell me won't you
Come on and see about me baby
I've got the Crys on ice and I'm 'bout to get nice
Up in VIP with all my ladies
Tell me how many times in your life
Will you get an opportunity like this tonight
Tell me a little somethin' about you
Here's a little somethin' about me
I got a house in Capri and my own G4
And that Benz with the doors that lift up from the floor

I like to imagine that Mariah is singing about how she has her own Mac G4. Or even a mack G4. Ha.

xx Lektrogirl


Sunday, 17 June 2007

GLOW [just like in my office]

I was reading Sara T's blog today and she's post about GLOW.

I love the distorted sound on this.
Push it through the pain barrier when you get to The Housewives [boring] cause Celebrity Mom Jackie Stallone makes an appearance. I heard Ruff Sqwad wants to give her a turn.

My life is just like this. Obviously.
Well actually it was. My high school was just like it. Awful. Awful. Angelka Miletic has a lot to answer for.

xx Lektrogirl


In lieu of the Foxy Brown and Blackstreet version, here is the original by Eugene Wilde:


"Get Me Home"
(feat. Blackstreet)

[Foxy] Yeah... (ahhh [echoes])
Firm biz, what is, Blackstreet
Na Na, steady rise, peep this out
(Oooh, (bab-bayyy), gotta get you home with me tonight)
(gotta get you home)

[Verse One:]

Hold up, let's take it from the top, I Fox
Gets my swerve on, floss pure rocks
In the six drop boo and it don't stop
See money lookin alright, yeah what up Pop
'Cross the room throwin signals I'm throwin em back
Flirt-in cause I, digs you like that
Peep baby boy style, hopin we match
You sent me Crown Royale with a note attached
It said, "You look like the type that, know what you like"
I could tell by the je-wels you go for the ice
Plus you wear the shoes well, the suits flows nice
I don't like the notes too well, let's be more precise
Meet me by the VIP let's pow-pow
Whisper in my ear like, "Boo let's bounce now"
I'm 'bout to say peace to my mans for you
When it's all said and done I got plans for you
He said (gotta get you home tonight)

[Chorus: Blackstreet]

Oooooh baby (gotta get you home with me)
Gotta get you home with me tonight (uh-oh, uh-oh)
Oooooh baby, ohhhh
Gotta get you home with me tonight, c'mon, c'mon

[Verse Two: Foxy Brown]

At the bar high-post, frontin, I toast
Gettin my flirt on, playa, ain't nuttin
You tryin to say the right words to get us out of here
Jackpot, what he said, "It's bullshit in here"
And his smile blind like the shine on his necklace
Mind tellin me no, body tellin me exit
Breasts said yes, give me more wet kisses, uhh
Twist my body like the Excorist, hey
The way he licked his lips he was mackin
True thug passion, I'm like, "Slow down before you crashin"
Never mind him, he ain't thinkin 'bout you
or the way we sex, on the villa up in Malibu
Marry who? Daddy please
I'm takin it all from the stash to the keys
So let me see, boo I'm bout to dead my mans for you
When it's all said and done I got plans for you
He said (oh bay-beeee)

[Chorus: Blackstreet]

Ooooooh baby, I need you want you in my life
Gotta get you home with me tonight
Gotta get you home with me tonigh-iyiight (uh-oh, uh-oh)
Ooooooh baby, baby I need you
Gotta get you home with me tonight
Right here

[Verse Three: Foxy Brown]

Grabbed me by the hand and led the way
Outside of the club talkin to Valet
Mind started to stray, million miles away
Contemplatin goin back to his crib to par-lay
Jumped in the passenger seat, relaxed my feet
As he threw on Blacksteet casually
And we cruised the metro, on premium petrol
I sized up my thighs and couldn't let go
Ta-Ta's perkin, You're Makin Me High
like Toni, work me, take me I'm hot
I thought for a second and then my mind went
Sex all around the car, isn't it ironic?
Back to Reality, the Soul II Soul
Breathin heavily but still in control
Wants the shy girl role, put my hand on his lef
With sex in his eyes, he turned and then he said

[Chorus: Blackstreet]

Tonight baby
Ooooooh baby, c'mon c'mon Foxy c'mon
Gotta get you home with me tonight
Whatever you want me to do (uh-oh, uh-oh)
Ooooooh baby, do it for you baby
I need it in my life
Gotta get you home with me tonight
Ayyaiiayy, ooooooh baby, gotta get you home tonight
Gotta get you home with me tonight

Well my life is totally like that. Obviously.

xx Lektrogirl


Saturday, 16 June 2007


Unfortunately, I don't hate Miranda July as much as I thought I was going to. I am up to page 33 of No One Belongs Here More Than You. Although I have to say, if are into that kind of self indulgent stuff, I'm better. I used to have a website called BeauSalon where I published all my drawing, writing and photographs. For example:

I also had another website I made with stuff on it for an exhibition I did in Hamburg. For example:

P.S. I'm talking about a different Paul. Not Brains.

In fact, you are welcome to check the whole website for that here at
Things I Made for Hamburg 2003.

Oh God! Someone with a really strong Aussie accent is on Law and Order.

xx Lektrogirl

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Here are some great dance videos. It's Hot. Totally sexual. etc.

The Wu Tang Dance

Just hot guys half dressed.

BLANKIN' - Walk It Out

HTF can you imagine the strength in that guys thighs? Total hornbag!


Totally unrelated songwise, but you know that song by Ginuwine called Pony? Watching this guy dance makes me feel filthy in the same way.

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Friday, 15 June 2007

'N' FYI - I got fans

I got an email from Bio-Bern from Bodenstandig2000
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hey both of you,just listened to that Hanseplatte Radio Interview. Really c00l and bodenstandig interview. Thanks go out to Lektrogirl for telling simple true things to that complicated world full of lies.

Am 14.06.2007, 12:19 Uhr, schrieb Dragan Espenschied drx@XXCENSOREDXX

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

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One Mojito too many...

So tonight was kind of warm but rainy. I sat just off Brick Lane with Roxy from work after a pretty full on day - after being a wee bit hung over from the night before. Well the think that totally spun me out the most was I just turned my head from double fisting the PC's [one for internet and Excel and the other for Sage] only to say Katharine Hamnett standing in the middle of the studio in her gruds. She got all shy, but I was totally glued and could only say to her "Typical Katharine!!" Later she told me that she didn't like her body at all. She is getting a free bus pass this year. You should see her in the studio in just her underwear. She is amazing!! Then later she told me she wanted to get rid of her stomach and she said she felt really big and that she wanted to go swimming but she needed someone to go with her - looking straight at me. Thing is I'm a total leisure slut and the only excercise I do is getting out of my chair to get a halfie halfie or a double peanut butter from the caf**. The only time I freak out about how I look is when I go shopping and I see my thighs in the mirror at H&M - their mirrors are really aweful. I of course for the most part am amazing. The problem is with the mirrors.

So there I was totally drunk already sitting off Brick Lane - and I must have been pissed cause I was scrolling through my phone thinking.... "Ben... Who is Ben? I don't know any Ben's... I'll just call and find out." So I ended up inadvertantly calling Spanish Ramiro [That's Hot] who was on holiday riding his bike around Tuscon in America then Asbo D who sounded really stressed out and I got all maternal feeling and worried. He told me Faggatronix were playing at Catch - the worst bar in Shoreditch - but I wanted to go and see Sara and Bok Bok again because I think they are really funny and amazing. Sara told me an incredible story that involved street sweepers, garbage trucks, speaking Russian and a bag of flyers and a dress and something about a film where a man gets stabbed anyway. Bok Bok told me that the first album he ever bought was by Korn. RESPEKT! <---SOOOOO Awesome. [He probably meant CD tho' of course.] My first record was a 12" by L.L. Cool J.

Okay so whatev's
** a halfie halfie is my special name for an OJ: half OJ and half water. My mother was really cheap and we weren't allowed to drink the OJ neat. It was always pissy watery. But now Hammed maked it just like I like it.
And a double peanut butter is 2 pieces of wholemeal with peanut butter. Durrrr.

Im tired now. Night night

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 14 June 2007

Work Dinner & Drunk

Home after wine and food with Nick, Frank and Konan [sp] with Roxy and Kellie with a G. Just send a gang of links to Nickie that probably he wont wanna see with a red wine hang over first thing but while I was doing this I remembered this page which is one of many pages I have made for my neice and nephews of themselves on the internet. I particularly like this one with the use of the lake.class applet. It's Hot.

And I LOVE this gif:

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 12 June 2007

Need something to do?

Poing - Rotterdam Termination Source

Real gabba

The Melbourne Shuffle

Some useful dance moves. They have competitions for being able to dance like this well. And apparently, bagggggggy trousers [i.e. raver trousers] are encouraged cause when you get the moves right, and the trousers cover the feet, it can make the dancer look like they are floating over the stage. Not very sexual though. Probably more spiritual. Definitely a lot of lasers etc needed. And a smoke machinge.

I think the combination of these YouTube videos would make for a fun afternoon.

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Monday, 11 June 2007

A note about my father

About the G-Spot.

One day I received a telephone call from my father about this matter. The conversation went like this.
Dad: Im just ringing to tell you I have a copy of Gray’s Anatomy in my hand and after 75 years I’ve just learnt where the woman’s clitoris is.
Me: Oh really? [not sure where my old man is going with this]
Dad: In fact, right now I could put my finger out and touch it if I wanted to.
Me: Errr… [should this be freaking me out? Still not sure]
Dad: And the G-Spot. I could get your mother and touch her right on it if she would have a bar of me.
Me: [Phew, no worries.] Dad if you’ve been married to mum for this long and you only just found where her clitoris is I’m not surprised she won’t let you within an inch of her.

With that Dad hangs up the phone laughing till he coughs up phlegm.

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Sunday, 10 June 2007


I've been totally glued to the Internet procrastinating over not doing the company VAT return. This is the last one for the weekend I promise. It is just too amazing for me to leave it.

I even got an gif. COOL.
So if you are interested in hearing me ruminate about my life and sounding like a hardcore lezza then please click above!

You can also hear this:

Lektrogirl aus London über Technik, Typen und T-Shirts im Interview mit Sabine Machine
Playlist der Sendung vom 08. Juni 2007
1. Babysgang: "Happy Song"
2. DJ Smurf: "Hold up! Wait a minute"
3. Bonde do Role: "Gasolina"
4. Warren G.: "Regulate"
5. Crystalcastles vs Klaxons
6. Jurassic Five: "In the house"
7. The story of Lektrogirl vs Bodenstandig 2000 feat. each other
8. LL Cool J: "Going back to Cali"
9. Scooter: "Weekend"

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. I'm not totally stoned - I promise.

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Goon and Guy at some party in Detroit.



BASTO - Rock With You

I don't remembner wtf we were when we saw this but Brains was totally engrossed in this video every time it came on. And then when we got back to London we were trying to YouTube it and couldn't remember the dudes name and couldn't be bothered flicking through a gang of Michael Jackson Rock With You clips to find it.

Please also note these two incredible videos:

2 Brothers On The 4th Floor - Living In Cyberspace

AB Logic - HitMan

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There is no better lyric to have in the chorus of any party track. It is great for kids and dirty hoes alike. My previous post Summer Jam, which got me onto The Outhere Brothers made me think of that incredible track WIGGLE WIGGLE [Don't Stop] which my neice and nephews have on CD and Sam, the greatest dancer, did this spin once that was so fast he literally flew across the room. I mean, he did end up in tears, but the move was fucking awesome.

Anyway - here are some incredible WIGGLE songs [please don't get confused with THE WIGGLES!]

Outhere Brothers [Live in Basildon] - Wiggle wiggle

Disco Rick & The Wolfpack - Wiggle wiggle

2 In A Room - Wiggle It [Live on TV so not live]

And as an aside - my sister and I had hats like that.

Disco Rick - The Nasty Dance
Nothing to do with WIGGLE but a preview of my next topic - rap songs with little kids in it doing lewd dancing.

Sounds a lot like Funky Y 2 C by The Puppies...

HHUAHAhhHAuhah Ahu hahau uhAU hHAHAHAHA

xx Lektrogirl

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Summer Jam

Okay so first let's be clear about which Summer Jam I'm repping.
The Underdog Project - Summer Jam 2003

This ain't nothing but a summer jam

Bronze skin and cinnamon dance whoa!
This ain't nothing but a summer jam
We're gonna party as much as we can
Hey-yeah, ooh, hey-yeah
Summer jam alright
Hey-yeah, ooh, hey-yeah

Tonight hotties wearing "Prada"-skirts
Real tight temperature is rising
Feelin' real hot in the heat of the night
Midnight the party won't stop
until the morning light
I'm skopin' out the hotties with the light eyes
Be with me tonight

Can't get you outta my mind
I can't lie
Cause a girl like you is so hard to find
I'm waiting for the day to make you mine
Cause I can't take it

This ain't nothing but a summer jam
Bronze skin and cinnamon tans whoa!
This ain't nothing but a summer jam
We're gonna party as much as we can
Hey-yeah, ooh, hey-yeah
Summer jam alright
Hey-yeah, ooh, hey-yeah

Moonlight cruisin' down the boulevard
Strobe lights watching you your body's tight
Alright looking kinda freaky to me
Can't get you out of my mind
I can't lie
Cause a girl like you is so hard to find
I'm waiting for the day to make you mine
Cause I can't take it

This ain't nothing but a summer jam
Brown skin and cinnamon tans
This ain't nothing but a summer jam
We're gonna party as much as we can
Hey-yeah ooh hey-yeah
Summer jam alright
Hey-yeah ooh hey yeah

So let our thoughts turn to my mother who I just spoke to on the phone who tells me that it is 2 degrees daily at the moment.

Probably you won't be able to make it to the end of that video. I certainly couldn't.

Searching throught the Internet I came across this website dedicated to Euro-Rap with more music that is as aweful as Winter Jam, but tells a lot about such great artists as G's Incorporated, Darkwind, Nana, Pappa Bear, Big Brovaz etc. My personal favourite repped on this site is The Outhere Brothers. I was interested to read that "This group are not strictly European Hip-Hop, because they are from the USA." No kidding.

xx Lektrogirl


Saturday, 9 June 2007

The Anniversary Continues

Oh... isn't this beautiful...

Definitely one for the parents.

So at lunch time I'd cheered up fractionally and Brains and I went to Café Mozart down the road from my house. We checked for spiders down the back lane as we always do looking for the biggest ones. Lunch was nice. Then we came home and Brains hit me in the head with the vacuum cleaner and kicked over my cup of tea. An accident?

Anyway - this YouTube video always makes me LAUGH

xx Lektrogirl


SHIT - I just realised it has been THREE years and there I was telling everyone it was two. Never mind - inviting people to our wedding I started off telling everyone I was getting married on the 8th and not the 9th.

So basically what I am trying to say is that three years ago today Brains and I got married.

You can view
the award winning Wedding Invite website as honoured by Olia Lialina's website competition.

I made this a while ago for Brains. It must have been a Valentine's Day thing or anniversary. But it was also part of Da MySpace Hustlerz art project we did for Sonar 2006.

Today I woke up and I feel totally miserable. Our marriage is revolting. I make jokes about it. But I just feel sad. I got nothing but grief from Brains' father about it, Brains' big sister and Brains' exgirlfriend about it. And today I went into the living room to say Happy Anniversary to Brains who was asleep on the sofa. He farted on me.

I don't like sad things. I love birthdays which are wonderful days. Mine is on December 1st - the first day of Summer [I'm from another country remember!] I'm just gonna look forward til then.

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 8 June 2007


All the ladies! I wanna see you line up right here and wait for R Kelly call out "Like two gorillas in the jungle making love!!"

I swear your knicker elastic is gonna pop!

N tell me - does that jersey say "Hug A Thug"?

Now you gotta go home and you gotta get the hell outta here...

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 7 June 2007


Bone Thugs AND Twista and I'm gonna be in Paris! Brains and I were walking through Shoreditch after dinner at Green and Red - totally delicious - and we saw the poster for the gig. We planned to go and I was gutted when I realised that I was gonna be away in Paris. So immediately Brains called Prancehall. Funnily enough, we turned the corner and the pair of them bumped into each other.

The Chris OC came up and told me all about his work placement at the House of Harlot on Holloway Road making bespoke fetish shoes. Apparently they have been making some shoes for Madonna with heels like a horse. Also we got on to talking about Bone Thugs and Chris OC told me again about how his Dad is in the limo business back in the states and he has been driving Three Six Mafia about.

I have to say that these comfortable pumps are more the kind of thing I'm into:

But I didn't get them - I already bought the winter high tops that are lines with sheep skin but only wore them once so far cause they got a tiny drop of red wine on them.

Speaking of shoes, check out Brains steelo:

Socks were a give from me in Liverpool from some "Head Shop" and the shoes we got in New York in '05 when we were there for the Bent Festival [circuit bending thing]. We went to Alife where Brains got some pimping Bo Jackson limited edition grey and yellow Nike cross trainers then on the way back to the subway we took a wrong turn and ended up in some rotten sporting surplus store full of mostly pink Timbaland booties for girls etc. But it was in there Brains found the Rasta New Balance.

Okay - I'm trying to also watch a repeat episode of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation at the same time as write this so I'm Audi 5G.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 6 June 2007

A Beautiful Video

Check this post to YouTube by "Rectumrepper" before it gets removed from the site... It is the most beautiful piece of video! Just like a Fifi Chachnil dream!


Tuesday, 5 June 2007


Fuck Shanita Blah Blah, this one is for XXCENSOREDXX

This morning I was woken up at 6am by a phone call. Thinking it was someone from home calling to tell my there was something wrong with my Dad I answered, only to discover it was Paul's ex-girlfriend calling, wasted, looking for Paul.

OH NO! The fight's out
I'ma 'bout to punch yo...lights out
Get the FUCK back, guard ya grill
There's somethin' wrong, we can't stay still
I've been drankin' and bustin' two
and I been thankin' of bustin' you
Upside ya motherfuckin' forehead
And if your friends jump in, "Ohhh gurrlll", they'll be mo' dead

What is it that Paul used to say when I was in a bad mood? Something like "Watch out for da big gurrrl!!"


Lucky for her, I am not standing near enough to her with a jewel encrusted mobile phone to fling it in her face just like Naomi Campbell.

Infact - make that CHEAP HO!

In other news, Dog Face, the ex-girlfriend of XXCENSOREDXX sent a parcel to Jo-Jo for XXCENSOREDXX at work today. What a coincidence. And a good reason to sing "who let the dogs?" out again which I didn't get the chance to do for a while. Just when you thought the bad smell has gone...

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Monday, 4 June 2007

The Boss-Walker Sisters

I went to Art School back in Tasmania and I there was this guy that I had this on off thing with called Leewarra Wright. Only when I wasn't going to sleep with him, he ended up going out with this girl called Coliote Boss-Walker. Well I don't know how to spell her name properly because we all called her Clip Clop or Horror Head. And she had hair a lot like Dee Snider. In fact, she would dress up to go out a bit Goth with a lot of make up and she would end up looking very much like Dee Snider. Leewarra would be dressed in hotpants and Doc Marten's through that phase of his. Clip Clip's older sister was Charlotte. Charlotte was in my year and in some of my classes. Lee ended up banging them both. Only he didn't know I new. I only found out when his friend The Chief who used to go out with Andre Valentine [who dressed like Ian Astbury from The Cult] took me out to an all night Bruce Lee movie marathon and revealed he had been in love with me for 5 years. Hux [The Cheif] is an awesome dude. Anyway - Nice and Tight Jackie White [who went out with The Rimmer - Jim Rimmer] and I would gossip for hours. And my lady friend was Elissa Fuglsang. Her father runs the most successful Funeral Director's in Hobart. I miss her. We used to have house parties and all take a death bag or long necks.

On the D.L.

It seems I have got to keep my blog on the down low for a while. Feathers are getting ruffled and I'm getting MySpace bombs every day. Bruv - it is tough on the world wide web these days. You get me? My advice to everyone who jumps to the conclusion every time they see a XXCENSOREDXX and think's it's them is "Don't get sad". I know more than 5 people and chances are I could be talking about someone else.

I'm feeling a bit reflective today after arriving at work an hour late. Total gridlock on Seven Sisters Road cause of the busted up pipes and flooding. A bruv can't even get to work and make an honest dollar these dayz. I didn't actually roll out of bed til I was meant to be at my desk today. A bruv had a lot on a bruv's mind. Well a bit less on my mind that I have done for the preceding three nights. I woke up with an empty head - no dreams at all - which is a relief after having pornographic dreams three nights in a row about a certain "Shorditch DJ" that left me emotionally confused, a little bit disgusted, and most of all - totally horny.

And HELLO? What happened to the sun today?

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 3 June 2007

Brains' pics from Trader Vic's

Here is the birthday boy ASBO D. He was co-ordinating everyone's arrival via mobile. I was feeling very spiritual and cosmic about birthdays and things and had a lovely time at the party.

Bok bok contemplates the cocktail menu while the Mehune woman and the Potted Parrot get it on in a tall glass. Bok bok's girlfriend Sara shares my passionate views about R. Kelly. She also wishes people wouldn't go on about "In the Closet".

Prancehall orders off menu and gets this glorious Strawberry Daiquiri. Later on the evening I started some esoteric conversation with Prancehall about homeless people and how I have no patience for beggers, the KLF who burnt a million pounds and other such things. Long.

Is that Pippa Brooks?

Paul's Hot Buttered Rum.

xx Lektrogirl

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Hysterial was swiftly averted just moments ago... I searched the house high and low for my Agent Provocateur Crista bra in fushia/pink and I couldn't find it anywhere. It isn't like I don't have a dozen A.P. bra's already [or infact that I just bought another one practically identical today...] it is just I wanted to wear THAT ONE today. I couldn't image where it could have gone to. Maybe ASBO D had snuck into my flat while I was at work and snuffled through my intimates drawers [apparently Prancehall dressed as a girl and went to an Ann Summers party. No Homo?] Anyway - so I found my bra, my attack of the vapours subsided and now I am back in a jolly mood wondering if I should have bought the Clementine bra today as well. ASBO D I'm a 34B. You get me?

I'm waiting for Brains to send me the pictures of Thugly's birthday the other night [Thugly = ASBO D]. All I have is this:
After ASBO D's party.
Wow! Frickin hot and totally sexual but I know Brains took some beauties at the party.

I'm so obsessed with this song:

Do you think David + Victoria Beckham paid for Victoria's video and wrote it off against their personal tax bill that year? Victoria's dancing leaves a lot to be desire. The two girls at that Real Gold party the other night in the 80's evening dresses who fell over in the ghetto tech battle cause they were so drunk and tried to cover up with some floor humping moves [even tho' one ho had lost her shoe and the otherone had clearly lost more than her balance] has A LOT more going on that that. Dane is a pretty decent dancer for a white British man.

Now let's analyse this:

WHO THE FUCK was the Art Director on this video?! Where did they pluck the idea for this from? Camden Market? Poor Another Level. HOW EMBARRASSING. Hey - I've got a great idea for the next Roll Deep video - let's make them all wear lederhosen, take them to Bavaria and make them eat pork sausages! But back to the Another Level video - compare it with the following video from Sisters of Mercy:

I just had another brain wave! Let's get Andrew Eldritch and Doktor Avalanche dressed in Cassette Playa t-shirts and Evisu jeans... Ahhhh that is impossible anyway... Doktor Avalanche is a drum machine...

More later xx Lektrogirl

P.S. What is the bet ASBO D clicked the link to check out what the Clementine bra looked like?

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Saturday, 2 June 2007

The Best and Wurst

BLUMCHEN: Boomerang

This is how all German girls were in 1996

MODO: Eins Zwei Polizei

I started to learn German with this killer track

NICK BEAT: Technodisco

DAISY DEE: Open Sesame

She was a TV presenter on Club Rotation - the best show on Viva2. And married to the head of some record label in Germany. "Check it out Chicky Babes"!!

SCOOTER: Maria [I Like It Loud]

Also featuring Dick Rules.


I'd forgotten about the awesome intro to this track.

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Due for a Weekend Workout

I'm due for a weekend workout - i.e. like around in bed for as much of it as possible. I've been working / travelling for the last 5 weekends straight. Bwargh. So tired.

Here is a little piece on the VICEland blog about Paul and his exhibition. It is written by Piers Martin. I used to bump into him a bit more frequently than I do know and conversation would always turn to Shop where I used to work cause at one point we sold Petit Bateau underwear in grown up sizes. Piers has a kids underwear on adults fetish.

Here is Paul the morning after his exhibition opening.

Then on Thursday night I went to some party with Brains where he was meant to be having a ghetto tech battle with Prancehall. Only Brains got there so late, he only played about 5 records. So I guess Prancehall totally slew Brains. Oh well. Prancehall totally invisible manned me [this was no air pie - he looked straight through me], everyone there was about 20 years old and I heard better DJ's in Paris and Hamburg, like Eurokai, recently so Brains and I went home.

Thugly - "Hey Brains - grrreat party!"
Brains - "Yeah. I think there is some liquid poo in my pants."

In the cab we shared on the way home, Paul decided he wanted to learn the secrets of the PhotoFace [TM], which I was only to willing to share with him.

The first sucess.
Me - "Don't smile for the camera!"
Him - "I've got boss eyes. I need to stare past the lense."

PhotoFace [TM] Improv.

Not a member of a death metal crew, but on his second PhotoFace [TM] improv. Double Fisting the "WEBSIIIIIIIIIITTTTE" gang signs. [TM] Julian Van Aalderen who can also do a phenomenal sock puppet.

Awwwwwhhhh shit!! The total chillax PhotoFace [TM] STRICTLY ON ANOTHER LEVEL!

Speaking of Another Level:

Girl you gotta know what ya doin' to me
when you're giving me your sexy thang,
Don't ever change what you do with ya body
it feels so beautiful,it feels so right
explosions goin on with us every night.
I cant hold back the soul with one in the whole,
You can just call me kid dynamite cause your love
sweeter than honey
Girl it aint funny, Got me open wide, world to my dollar bill,
thats where I'm putting my money girl you know


You know its the bomb diggy diggy when we get jiggy
let me piggy back ride on it all night long, while i'm singin' my song,
all thru the hoody hoody wanna get that goody goody
You know it's the bomb diggy diggy bomb bomb diggy
Can I get some of your bomb diggy jelly jelly goody chocolate puddy,
wanna get a little bit of your goody ,goody ....goody, goody

Your love's so supernatural,
you got me chasin' after you
I'll go wherever you are just to tell me and i'll be packin' up
I'll be your journey man for love.
Travelin' from hood to hood (ghetto to ghetto)
Any place anytime cause your love makes me feel so good baby

sweeter than honey
Girl it aint funny, Got me open wide, world to my dollar bill,
thats where I'm putting my money girl you know


so good) oh it feels good when your love comes down on me (so good).
You're blowing my mind. You got me goin' crazy (so good).
oh it's good to me (so good) whoaa oh baby baby yeah!

And I wonder if Brains played my True Steppers record and the Summer Jam one I lent him at Real Gold last night?

xx Lektrogirl

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