Wednesday, 31 December 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR


Savor kindness, originally uploaded by man_is_cargo.

For my homies at home, it has already happened, for my homies here, it is about to happen, and for my homies in the States it's gonna happen soon: HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Highlights of 2008 for me were getting mugged on Kingsland Road, being made redundant, having jizz licked off me by a dog, getting a very constipated divorce almost complete [there is still some wiping to do on that...], getting kicked off the lameatnames.com domain hosting and having the pleasure of paying the bandwith over usage fine to boot.

On a more positive note - the propagation of the Lady Gang, the Bathroom Tiling Experience and other DIY pursuits, hanging out with The Cardinal on the regular, the inception of lameatnames.com, meeting Valeria and working on our idea, my birthday in Zurich, the discovery of and Everlasting Polish at Nails Inc, getting my first text message from my nephew Sam, scrambled eggs at Milkbar on Bateman Street, Miller's Gin, my COS boots, playing Shithead in the park with two ace people.

And apparently according to my iTunes, the songs I listened to the most this year are:

5. Regulate : Warren G

4. Throw Some D's [DJ Godfather remix] : Rich Boy

3. Sexy Results [MSTRKRFT Edition] : Death From Above

2. Fancy Footwork : Chromeo

and in pole position like a gang of girls in slightly ill fitting foxes outfits
1. Wearing My Rolex : Wiley


All pretty MOR really aren't they!?! But they have obvs kept me entertained. A bit surprised there is no R Kelly there... If I had to pick one R Kelly it would be a toss [off] between I'm A Flirt and So Sexy.

And the top DJ mix was Fired Up Promo Mix by DJ Guy.

This is a top serious banger though.

Anyway folks, Happy New Year and I hope you all get to hear your favourite track with someone you love at midnight tonight.

xx Lektrogirl

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

SUCH A SIMPLE LIFE


IMG_2922, originally uploaded by crossthisoff.

One can but dream

xx Lektrogirl

MY TRUE FRIEND


Picture 018, originally uploaded by Tongue & Toys!.

Here is a picture of my true friend that I found among other peoples porn.

When I talk about feeling like a cat stuck in a petrol can, this cat illustrates pretty well the look on my face, if I really was that cat really stuck in that petrol can.

I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to 2009 you wouldn't believe.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 29 December 2008

TOP FASHION BLOGGER

Okay - so due to the popular success of my last fashion post on my blog from a few days ago - mixed with the fact I had to take some more pictures for VaVaVoomValeria to show her the dress I bought that I wasn't sure if it made me look like a witch in a black plastic bag or not and I needed her opinion - and I was bored and she was off having oysters and wine for lunch in Paris and Mrs Kipling only wants to talk to me when her router is broken and not meet me for cake cause she would rather go to the gym: here is my second fashion feature.

WITCH IN A BLACK PLASTIC BAG.









BLACK DRESS: COS sale rail
TIGHTS: Falke
EARRINGS: Martin Margiela
GARBAGE BAG: Sainsbury's
PROM DRESS: Top Secret Shop
RIBBON: Tatty Devine [it was a present from Molly or maybe even Rosie and Harriet. And the funny thing is, I had some gold leather earrings just like the silver MM ones from Tatty Devine years ago.]



And here is an old pic from the fashion shoot I did with the Cardinal once. What she wears for rags while drinking chinotto out of a champagne glass doing the cleaning could be what half of Shoreditch wear on a big night out. Next level YGM.



Primark tracky daks from 1997 bought on the Kilburn High Road. Such a fashion forward.

xx Lektrogirl

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YASOU LEKTROGIRL

Now you know how to greet people in Greek! Fuck off Flickr you malaka. [top diss back the playground]

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 28 December 2008

NICE


Hot Rod Hoe-down 2008, originally uploaded by phillyhillbilly52.

SHOEGAZER

Rewind to when I was aged 19 or 20, living in Hobart, leaving art school and working in the bookshop. Two guys came in and I watched them. I'm sure one of them stole something. They were acting really weird and laughing - total retards. I saw them out at a club or in the street I dunno - all the same vibe back then - and I ripped shreds out of the taller one. It turned out that he really fancied me and was only in there with his mate to check me out and to work out how he was gonna ask me out.

So welcome into my life everyone, Nicholas Dunn.

As he was my first love, of course I turned myself inside out for him. Also, this was the first time in my life I met 'the dark season' which happened on the day of the bush fires, but that is another story. We lived in houses full of rats with shitty landlords together, he would try and coerce me into jumping the back fences in the neighbourhood to go skinny dipping in peoples pools [err when they were still obviously at home], we would go and stay on his mothers farm and walk around wearing nothing but Wellingtons in the morning sunlight eating blackberries from the canes and saying hello to the sheep. His mother made the best mixture of tea leaves Orange Pekoe and something - I wish I knew what it was - and she was Hungarian. She was a good cook.

Sounds pretty perfect huh?!

For this idyllic life as I joined adulthood, this is the price I had to pay:

We listened to Revolver, Lush, Mudhoney and RIDE ALL THE TIME.



Listening to this makes me want to throw myself from a fucking bridge. But I was only too happy to be wearing oversized corduroy shorts, flannelette shirts and pig tails at the time. I have a Marjan Pejoski shirt now that makes me think of me then. It is the same colour as the Stussy woolly hat I used to have.

Nicky had ideas bigger than his ability at that time and totally not practical and 200% idealist. Someone had to pay the rent. I got a job.

Then we broke up and I had to leave the house we shared - even though he had no way of paying the rent. His sister left her boyfriend for a woman and his other sister was off in the jungle somewhere.

Last time I saw Nicky, he was in a hounds tooth suit looking pretty pretty good. But that was about 10 years ago in Tasmania. I would like to see him again.

xx Lektrogirl

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THE APOLOGY


Darren Sylvester - Just Death Is True 2006

I lay on the sofa and stared at the ceiling and listened to what seemed like an apology. Was it?
My mind kept wandering with more questions I wanted to ask. He said that I fell silent. I said 'I didn't think I should butt in for once." As it appeared he was trying to apologise.
Well not sorry for what he had done I don't think - but sorry for how it made me feel. Apparently he thought I was mad with him. But I had another million questions. There was no time. I went through this all once before. I have too many questions. And like VaVaValeria says: I think too much.

And it must be true. A man in a long coat said it to me today on the corner of Tottenham Court Road and Oxford Street outside the station there. What is it with that corner? It is skanky. Who are these kind of weird hustlers there now? Two weeks ago there was the man following me down the street. And today. The man. He said "Hello!!" as he walked past. Next thing I knew he had doubled back and was standing next to me at the traffic lights. He said "You look so serious. You think too much. Why are you thinking so hard?" Remember that show 'Highway To Heaven?' It was just like that, only it smelled of chip fat from that Greek place on the corner.

And so tonight on the phone, I tried hard not to think so hard. I tried to let the apology be whatever it could be. But I hung up the phone and by the time I reached the kitchen, I had a list of questions trailing after me that I just had to leave like leaves I guess on the pavement. And let them turn into nothing.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Laser therapy does hurt [but only really quickly] and it is fucking BANGING. My advice is get it done. Results after the first session.

P.S.S. Thank you. You know who you are. Have a nice time and see you for a Flat White soon.

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Friday, 26 December 2008

THE DAY AFTER

When Daniel Lee smashed one of my Babycham glasses this year he didn’t forget too soon I don’t think. When I smashed on of my shot glasses this morning, that were from when I lived with Kate and Noor, I realised I was in deep shit when I realised I had to change the vacuum cleaner bag and seriously… one of my most dreaded tasks ever, along with cleaning the filter on the washing machine. It has something to do with my father being a vacuum cleaner salesman when I was a child and giving himself a cold sore after doing something with the pipe. So hunched over the vacuum cleaner this morning with a silk scarf bandanna I looked at the last years dead skin cells, food scraps, hair and polystyrene bits billowing out across the kitchen and lolled that yerrrr I am finally an ‘adult’.

There are probably plenty of you that are still watching TV on Boxing day getting your mum to fix you a glass of coke and a packet of Tim Tams or I guess here it is scoffing your way through another Terry’s Chocolate Orange and getting over the chagrin of receiving only £20 in your Nan’s Christmas card cause the door entry at the Macbeth is like £6 now and surely going up to £7 in the New Year. Well that isn’t me any more. And I feel smug, but I am paying penance by feeling the urge to clean my one bedroom flat with garden in zone 2 within walking distance to The Heath and tube station and all other local amenities today of all days. [As a side note, any twenty something year old guys who are at their parents house today, please feel free to still get my math and hook up. I’m not saying I am leaving that life behind YGM?!]

But back to the cloud of tuberculosis making particles – watching them sent me into a kind of spin – the same way thinking about disaster loves makes my lungs strangle into the back of my throat and think ‘How the fuck did I get here?’ which is a question I seem to ask myself every other moment of every single day and a repeated theme on my blog. The same question I ask God [or insert whoever – it might as well be R Kelly or Google] when I go to sleep at night. It is the same question I ask when I flip through one amateur porn pic after another for lameatnames.com and the same question I ask myself every day when I sit down at my desk to start work for the day. In fact, it might be a more challenging task to think of the moments when I am not thinking this very question. Maybe when I settle down to watch yet another Law and Order marathon. Is it just me or is Jeremy Sisto kind of hot?

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

A day of video editing and I can’t look at another writhing pseudomoerotic black man in tight undies wrestling with another. What was it Valeria said to me: You think too much. But you know what I think right now? I want to walk deep deep into the forest to scream and scream and scream.

Oui Mathieu je suis trop heureuse et je suis trop triste.

But it is cold and dark and I want to see my breath like fire.

xx Lektrogirl

FREE MEMBERSHIP


free_membership, originally uploaded by thesparkthatbled.

Sounds like a night Deano would do.




Sounds like a night Paul would do.

One party would really really suck.

xx Lektrogirl

Thursday, 25 December 2008

2008

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE


better than nothing, originally uploaded by Least Wanted.

If you have been bad this Christmas, we all know what Schmutzli is going to bring you - and after you have tried to rub the coal off your grubby hands and got turned away from the table, I have to ask you, was all the trouble you caused this year worth it?

Probably not.

Unless of course you are this guy [who is also featured on the website of the century lameatnames.com would you believe] who has been so bad I don't think he cares any ANY more.



I would like to dedicate this picture [in no particular order] to the man who only fucks in one position, the one who pretends to fuck but doesn't actually get around to it, the one who called me a racist, the one who was least expected, the one who got away because of his annoying mate, the one who gave it a name. My father warned me about men like you and so did all my girlfriends. LOL. And I know the best of you will find my dedication warm and friendly like it is meant to be.

xx Lektrogirl

Monday, 22 December 2008

VARIETY SPECIAL



I asked my niece today how many Barbie dolls she has and she said she doesn't know cause she has so many and she even has more now cause she is taking the old ones of my sister and I back to Devonport with her and she is asking Santa for another one. I feel a bit sad if she is taking the ballerina Barbie of mine that had the crown on her head and the biro moustache because it is kind of assumed in my family due to a medical condition of mine that I will never have a family of my own. It is just an assumption everyone makes but not strictly true. It makes me feel quite barren never the less.



I really want to tell you all about a lunch date today. It was another catalogue of minor disasters which seem to be par for the course here.

PICTURE REMOVED BY REQUEST. But thanks to him not thinking it through properly, all my friends would have checked out what I wrote about him already and seen the picture and wondered what the fuss is about. Oh well. That part, via Facebook, was his own doing.

Then I went out for dinner with a number one buddy [or at least in the top few or at least top dozen.]

Tomorrow is the last day of work before Christmas and it is just a half day. I'm gonna to wear jeans and a Bottega Venetta sweater. Then I will come home and write a blog about my trivial life and incredible fashion sense.

Speaking of which - I did a mini fashion shoot for my blog the other night because it is clear I don't buy enough American Apparel and Primark stuff.

MY FASHION SHOOT - December 2008 "YELLOW"










Missouri Sweatshirt - Camp Gay
Bruise - Nature
Denim Skirt - GAP
Yellow Tights - Fogal
Tinsel Earrings - Martin Margeila

Music - Them Girls, Zig & Zag

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SHOP SHUT



Bye bye little shop. But that is definitely not the end to tea, cakes, coffee and Paris! AND THE LADY GANG!!!

xx Lektrogirl

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STYLES DRAWING


Styles drawing, originally uploaded by janee87uk.

This guy is kind of hot.

Sunday, 21 December 2008

BOYS BEWARE

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COOL LASER CATS GROUP


kotzors fight, originally uploaded by gwiazdka porno.

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NICE BODY



Last night with the Lady Gang I told them all about my new predilection for old men with cab driver shoes, beaten up hands and dirty minds: poster boy = Charles Bukowski. In the middle of it all Madame became the Karaoke Penis with "I Will Always Love You" [Whitney or Doll - you decide...] where as Cazza thought it should have been "Je Suis Un Rock Star" but Mrs Kipling was thinking more of "The Littlest Hobo" and Allah I can't tell you what I was thinking about because it would give the whole game away.





BUT today I was walking down the street juggling two vintage dresses from my top secret shop, a variety of Dolfin chocolates and a giant picture frame I found wrapped in bubble plastic and shoved behind the phone line box thing when some squat black guy with the collar of his denim jacket turned up said to me "Mmmmmm Nice Body..." Of course there is no arguing there. Only as it is completely true I am 100% ungrateful and wasn't pleased at all. The guy was too young and not weird looking enough OR young enough and hot enough. I was more thrilled when the four young kids this morning told me to "Shut Up" when I walked past them all huddled round their big white lady dog who was squatting in the street taking the biggest piss ever. And as the yellow pool of wee got bigger and bigger so did all these boys eyes and they were saying "Man this is gonna be flooding the neighbourhood" I burst out laughing and was told to shut up - so scared lol - on of them said "This is like SO LONG" and I burst out laughing again...

Only two more days til the Christmas break and I really cannot wait. I also cannot wait to get dressed tomorrow in my new blue gross grain party dress. Totally OTT but I am going to Dogtainian's house for meatballs for dinner maybe so I want to be prepared. ANYWAY TO STATE CONCLUSIVELY THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON.

Okay pricks. Last time I had a date, it was with Young Duke. Now we have a little competition: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE TWO PICTURES.




It's tough I know but please post your answers in the comments...

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HML


HML, originally uploaded by MRTHOMASWHITEHEAD.

Saturday, 20 December 2008

STARBUCKS

Saturday afternoon and I'm ins Angel Starbucks. I met C.I.B. At Camden Passage. I have never beem there in the whole 13 years I lived in London. I got so excited I wanted to be sick. I bought a banging big teacup and saucer for big milky breakfast (tho I never eat breakfast), a little bird brooch and a picture of a naked lady. Fran Cutler was in some shop dressed like a mongolian midget covered in pompoms. Then we went and met the C.I.B.'s boyf HotDog and had coke and ice and talked about 'black music' and old times. Some names came up that I recognised and I was like 'Wait wait David Collins? Who is that - why do I know that name?? Didn't something really tragic happen to him? (thinking car accident but then I realised) OOOOh yeah he's the one who got the job at John Richmond.' Fuck I laughed. That is a pretty amazing fashion joke. The last time a fashion joke came to pass on such a level was when I saw HotDog about a year ago and we ended up talking about Italians who wear 'tumbled leather'. Nevermind. My 71 year old boss says I never brush my hair and dress like she does and am not groomed (LOL) so I don't know why I think I can get away with being such a fashion snob. I was with The Webstalker and he was telling me something about his mate at Debenhams. Apparently the way I said 'What kind of shoes do they sell in Debenhams??!!!' was pretty remarkable.

I'm going out tonight with the Lady Gang for dinner somewhere and still killing time.

Xx Lektrogirl

Friday, 19 December 2008

FASHION FUCKING FREAKOUT

So I went into EAT today to get my morning soya chai latte with a donk on it and the guy in there gave me a look up and down with a cheeky face. I thought I got vibes off him yesterday but wasn't sure. So definitely today! He said to me "Yesterday you were wearing all yellow and today it is all green! Promise me tomorrow it will be all black - black is my favourite colout!" I pointed out that tomorrow is Saturday and he begged I wear black on Monday. I'm gonna be dressing like I'm going to Billy Idol's White Wedding on Monday - it would be unfair to lead a bumbling tubby barista on in a little chefs hat.

This morning was a total fashion meltdown - so many outfits all over the floor and a nightmare when I get home tonight. But I am glad someone appreciated it.

Today is also an R Kelly music day so soothing spritual vibes cause everything that looks like it is going right is going wrong, but then there have been some strange surprises come out from nothingsville.

I spoke with my cosmic twin Ciocci last night on the Internet. You might have heard of it. On this thing called Facebook - it is like this network thing on the Internet and you can like officially recognise all your friends so other people you also make friends with that you aren't really friends with know you have like all these really cool friends. And Ciocci was having like conversations and I was telling him that I had only like one - which was the one I was having with him - but then he said "Yeah but I bet all yours are your real friends." Anyway Facebook is really great cause it is now on the turn like Myspace did a while ago when it went like on the turn and suddenly everyone and their dog had a MySpace page for promoting themselves and being friends with like everyone. But as Ciocci says, Google is GOD and like Buddah says, the Universe fits into the palm of her hand [as Magic Monkey found out when he flew to the end of the Universe, saw the five pillars of the end of the Universe there, wrote his name and pissed and flew all the way back to Buddah who held up her hand and showed Monkey his name on her finger. Man he was shamed.]

xx Lektrogirl

Thursday, 18 December 2008

SHE'S LIKE THE WIND

I've got that shitty song in my head. Today my dad was telling me about a new nurse who is at his place who is bi-polar / manic depressive whatever you call it these days. It was comforting somehow.

I'm looking forward to the break. I'm looking forward to video editing.

I have a really heavy printer to carry downstairs at work - is there a really strong someone who will carry it downstairs for me because I want to start printing amateur porn zines.

DREAMING


The Night, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

I couldn't sleep for a long time last night. Someone lost their smile and it made me reflective. I was also worrying about shit like payroll, the weiss account and wondering about a USD$600 discrepancy that isn't down to exchange rate difference. But mostly I was thinking about the smile.

The person who is the official owner of the smile has one of the most infectious smiles - when I see the smile I can't help but smile with every part of me. It is a very honest smile - and a little bit cheeky. For a few moments, it was gone. It seemed weird.



uploaded by soƒia

Also, never never go to that New Zealand place called "Sacred Cafe" it is fucking terrible. For real coffee how it is at home in Australia and New Zealand go to my two favourites: Flat White on Berwick Street or Milkbar or Bateman Street, both in Soho. The one on Bateman Street is my little favourite cause I get called Boofhead in there by Tim, who I call Boofhead too - which is just like home. There might not be as much food to choose from in my favourite places but I can assure you that if part of the display case fell off into the salad [as it did at Sacred Café] the back of it wouldn't be covered in gacked up shit from not proper cleaning [as it was in Sacred Café] Also, there are no ferals in Flat White or Milkbar. Only boofheads.

xx Lektrogirl

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

BECAUSE ONE SMALL STONE WAS LIFTED

Rubbing lipstick off their cheek made me laugh and laugh and laugh.

REALLY BEAUTIFUL


CNV00029, originally uploaded by philietuk.

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

POST WITH IRONY

Monday, 15 December 2008

PIPPA BROOKS TURKISH PRINCESS


Jason, me, Andy, originally uploaded by All About Eve Babitz.

Life is pretty gloomy at the moment. It comes and goes. All my mates know about this. And my mates might not do it intentionally, but every so often one of them will do something that will crack me up and send me to the outer limites of hilarityville.

Please bear witness to the picture from Miss Brooks Flickr with herself upfront in a tranny wig and JeyJon in the back ground looking a little bit surprised - I guess the reflection from the silver is shocking him out.

I could have also post the one of 'the wig' from Playboy but as she marked it friends only I guess I can't show the whole world.

xx Lektrogirl

DRUNKEN UNCLE


E__GEW_ 083, originally uploaded by drphotography.

And check out the babe in the background. The Rat's photostream is the MOST hilarious.

Sunday, 14 December 2008

YOU'RE RUINING MY DAY

And for that I want to send you a Christmas card with two words in it 'FUCK' and 'YOU'. I think that is pretty much all I have to say because we will never have the chance to make things better, because it will never be better and more of the same is just unbearable.

I'm back from Stockholm.

Xx Lektrogirl

YOU TRIED TO TAKE ME OUT

There is a happy family in the gate lounge teasing each other over something they were all doing together over the weekend. That's where I want to be in 9 years time.

COCONUT HELL

Trying to hold it together with with a red wine hangover of megalithic proportions i just tapped out on my nokia e71 exactly how i got here listening to shakira or some such shit having a lonely fika. When i accidently pressed the wrong button and lost everyhing. What a cunt.

Saturday, 13 December 2008

BREAKFAST IN STOCKHOLM

Today didn't actually start any better than last night ended from the shower being cold, to realising all the things in the hotel room which were missing were right in front of me all along. Plus some other stuff but at least it isnt waking up next to red pants and a harmonica. Further to hearing about that guy, I have been told since he is left wing and wears kind of pointy shoes. Also that her best friend saw him and said 'Oh God you didn't???!!!!' There has to be something about him or she wouldn't bother. But then even a loser has something about them.

I'm in a cafe now surrounded by people fika-ing and giant black and white photos of Marilyn Monroe and all the Jameses - Dean, Bond etc and the staff all wear Santa hats and we are listening to Christmas tunes. Another coconut hell of sorts, but I don't think I can try and fight it in Gamla Stan today - it looks a lot like that everywhere. One thing I have noted - Swedish people are incredibly hot when they are young. But when they are old, they don't seem as well preserved as some other nationalities. BUT actually I think this might be due to a more healthy mental attitude towards ageing. Which I realise at 36 I have to start considering... LOL...

The conversation at the table next to me is in English and it is between a middle aged couple - the woman is Swedish and the guy is also Scandinavian but don't know where. They are talking about abortion and rape. Happy brunch everyone.

Xx Lektrogirl

Friday, 12 December 2008

TV SOMALILAND SE

Oh so the fury I have just felt - PLEASE PLEASE be PMT. I'm trying to do the math on that this month anyway but PLEASE put this foul day and all it's misdemeanour down to something as simple as PMT. I was delayed by the tube, shitty flight, shitty fraud queries on my card at crucial moments, my phone stopped working and I totally exploded at the outsourced worker, I was too late for proper dinner, the light in the bathroom doesn't work, I couldn't find the bottle opener AND I WAS LOCKED IN MY HOTEL ROOM (admittedly it was because the door was push in the end - v humiliating...)

I life is better now I'm watching all the 'minority' community TV shows and eating the room service dinner with a gin and tonic at last. There is a model ship in my room in a glass case with a tiny little captain. I wish I had a travel partner though who could laugh at me how furious I get over nothing. There is a picture of me in the hotel in Paris screaming down a phone line after I looked out our window and saw the mountain of dirty bed linen thrown down from every floor by the cleaners. Suffice to say we pulled the rip cord on that quick smart. looking back at the picture though it was massive LOLS.

I'm in Gamla Stan and will be hobnobbing with the rich fur wearing foreigners tomorrow when I have breakfast. Maybe I have it in my room instead... Oh a partner in crime - I will kneel by my bed tonight and pray that you will come to me soon.

Xx LEKTROGIRL

FAUND #3 ALREADY SOLD OUT

Oh God and there I was going to tell you all about the fabulous new FAUND magazine to which V and I contributed as lameatnames.com

FAUND #3, DECEMBER 2008
Handmade, 60 color pages featuring cops and criminals as image-finder guests.

We were asked as criminals cause our host kicked us off for the porn content. Not that surprising really.







Only there isn't a lot of point cause they think they are sold out already AND WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A COPY. Cry.

You can read about our misery here.

xx Lektrogirl

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UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES

I can't blog pictures from the flickr stream I just found that has turned me off the thought of eating food for the rest of my life - the gussets of well worn women's cotton knickers and grubby grubby sports socks laid out, jizzed on and displayed on dirty mattresses.

Instead there is this beautiful drawing for me to look at and try and forget, forget, forget.

As for poor Valeria - she will never forget the RED PANTS AND A HARMONICA.

xx Lektrogirl

Thursday, 11 December 2008

WIPEOUT CITY


Wipeout City, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

Today was totally ORDINARY in the worst possible way [ordinary as in the opposite to a lot if you were using a lot in a good way.]

I was walking down Brewer Street and tripped over the pavement and went sprawling on my arse. Some guy stopped to help me up and he was a real gentleman. He wanted to check I was okay and just stumbled and not ill etc etc. A shame he was totally not my type - I like men with dark hair and dark eyes and this guy was a bit gingery with blue eyes. Anyway - I felt a total cunt on the pavement and he made me feel slightly less like dying so I should be thankful. And I am.

Earlier that day I cried in the office in front of all the girls as an ex disappointed me yet again by forgetting the very thing he was coming in to bring me. I don't know how I can continue to expect any different.

I also got followed by a creep down Oxford Street, around a book store and into Tottenham Court Road Station which freaked me out so much I doubled back the escalators and jumped into the first cab I saw.

But the good part about the evening was I had a really beautiful walk around Mayfair in the air that was as sharp as all the diamonds in the windows of all the stores. At the end of the Royal Arcade at the shop full of lithographs by Matisse, Miro and Chagall, was a painting of a cat that was a cross between Phil Thompson and a LOL Cat.

Anyway so, I'm totally wiped out and have to get ready for Stockholm tomorrow. I have it on good authority from Johan I only need to wear one pair of tights under my jeans. Though I was so freezing last time I think I will take a longer coat.

x

DOG SEX


dgsausage, originally uploaded by blind mowing.

This picture reminds me of having sex a while ago - not with a dog of course - and not the most recent time I had sex.

AN AUSTRALIAN CHRISTMAS


Vineyard, originally uploaded by bulent_yusuf.

My mind has been filled with this image since I saw it the other day - I know that this is what I am longing for... REAL CHRISTMAS WEATHER... Brown trees, prickly grass and sunshine. I feel like a cat stuck in a petrol can at the moment tipped on my head.

Remember my own Christmas Scene Pictures I took in 2007?









xx Lektrogirl

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

LEAST WANTED

I got in the mail today the book LEAST WANTED by Flickr whoever you are leastwanted. If you have checked my blog before you will have seen the mug shots of the American dudes who have crooked ears, black eyes, freako sprung out hair, scabby lips, piercing eyes, 5 o' clock shadows clutching their ID boards for the police records.

News for THURSDAY 11TH DECEMBER [tomorrow night!]:
It is Miss Pippa Brooks' birthday and she's havin' a party at the George and Dragon and I'm playing some records - as are gangs of other people too. COME.

In other news related to Pippa Brooks aka Madame:
The last day of trading for Shop At Maison B is SATURDAY 13TH NOVEMBER. I heard that things will be going out at bargain prices that day so don't miss out. I would go for a bit too much to drink, but I will be in Stockholm with Appareil making the video. Which I am very much looking forward to.

xx Lektrogirl

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GOOD MORNING

It has already begun as a funny day with bitterly cold wind on my face there was a Tennants man sitting at one of the tables at the cafe by the tube station calling out mindless insults to whoever walked past - to a greek guy 'HEY! MAFIA!'. [That one Mathieu is my genuine happy moment for the day. I still owe it to myself to find another. How is your research going?]

Earlier than that though I realised an acorn never falls far from the tree or whatever it is so to speak. I have been obsessed with a particular track I heard when Puyo Puyo DJed in Nantes a few months ago. I bothered to look it up this morning and discovered Din Stalker is another [cute] Swedish blonde guy who was part of The X-Dump which is of course part of the micromusic 'family'. There I was thinking some German guy had made it.

Looking at the pictures of Din Stalker on Last.fm I remembered the rule all the girls lived by in the Ally Cappelino shop before it was a Pret A Manger on Wardour Street - 'Never trust a man with blue eyes.' I have since extented that to 'Never trust a man with eyes.' And before anyone else says it - seersucker elasticated waist trousers with matching oversized peasant shirt was not my idea of fashion forward either but some of the knitwear was gorgeous.

Xx Lektrogirl

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

CUDDLE


A Genuinely Happy Cat, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

I would really like a cuddle or a cat or someone to brush my hair or time for a warm bath or something like that cause I'm cold, tired and haven't stopped all day til now. And it is time for bed and no time for anything.

xx Lektrogirl

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I'M MAKING A LIST

And checking it twice. Cause I don't want to ask Santa for anything I am going to end up regretting. At this time I am haemorrhaging money, I look back over the year and think of the things I have purchased that were a total fucking waste of money and I wish I didn't buy them.

1] Nintendo Wii
Tell me what a 36 year old woman who lives on her own wants with a Wii? I know the controller vibrates, but certainly not enough.

2] White 'Docksiders'
On recommendation from Mrs Kipling that the Timberland 'docksiders' or deck shoes or boat shoes or whatever British people call them were the most comfortable shoes she ever bought and she just slipped them on without socks and walked all the way from Kensington High Street in them without a blister I bought some too. Not even all the preventative band aiding in the world could stop the crippling from these shoes. I hate them.

3] Martin Margeila Earrings
I'm not joking, these £40 Christmas Tinsel like tassel earrings look like I could have got them at Boots in the 'Silly Season' for an 80th of the price.

4] A.P.C. Wallet
It is absolutely gorgeous. And I love it. I just love my old Comme des Garcons one more. God - and incidently, I was so relieved to sell the hideous C.D.G one I was given that was like a hologram thing of snake skin and crocodile for a tenner. I thought it looked so cheap and nasty.

Some time passes...

I can't think of anything else to add to this list actually. For a whole year, not many regrets!

xx Lektrogirl

FAT GIRL


Fat Girl, originally uploaded by saratea.

Monday, 8 December 2008

JUST SO YOU KNOW


Rapey train platform, originally uploaded by Michael O'Neill!.

"Home of The Positive Internet Company". No pricks allowed.

xx Lektrogirl

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #19



Time for a little Christmas decoration on this blog I think as The G.A. has now sent out his Christmas message to all and sundry via email:

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 08 December 2008 04:27
To: Bob davidson; Dorothy Trace; Emma Davidson; paul davis; rose at work; rosemary davidson; Sally Foster; sally foster.; Sara; sheelagh; trent buckley
Subject: re: The festive seaonal greetings which most folk expect about now


Not another one? The fiest ten were quite exciting, but the last seventy three are becoming 'more of the same', if you know what I mean?
Let's face humanity is not sure of the birthdat, and many don't believe a virgin can have a baby and remain a virgin, AND The three proponents of the 'said' Son of God, Peter, Paul and Him were dealt with cruelly by the Caeser who maintained HE was the son of God. Paul had his noggin cut off, Peter was crucified and the buried on the cross upside down, and the other fella was crucified for the love of we sinners, which stretches the imagination because he upset the moneylenders and banks, the Jews and all other religious attenders who liked their own Gods and rituals.
However. be that as it may, if the current activities 'unscrooge' and therebye make you and the recipients of your kindnesses happy, may I,as a devout unbeliever hope for your personal Festive Happiness.
Cheers to you all ex-your aging friend, husband, father,uncle. Great uncle, Grandfather and companion to the aged , John.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sell your car for just $40 at CarPoint.com.au It's simple!

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Sunday, 7 December 2008

THIS I SHOULDN'T HAVE SEEN


BAD lipstick, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

I woke up this morning with more than a generous amount of hangover and sick feeling. And then Bitch Ass Darius rang me. Funny isn't it - almost like I willed him back into my life [or he read my blog.] So in the wee hours of the morning we had a little talk and he wished me happy birthday and then I had to get up and sleep on the sofa for a while because I like it there.

I walked the telephone box just outside the pub on Archway Road, some guy stopped and pulled something out his mouth and gobbed a giant mouthful of blood in the street.

When I walked home in the dark tonight, a man walked behind one of the raised garden beds and pulled his dick out and asked if I wanted to look. Needless to say I wasn't particularly interested.

Now I am here talking to you.

xx Lektrogirl

Saturday, 6 December 2008

BIRTHDAY TREAT

So, I'm in Claridges with the Cardinal and I can pretty safely say your not. And I'm about to have a Pisco Sour and you're not either.

Xx Lektrogirl

DJ GUY INSANITY

A bunch of people had a DJ battle knockout tournament on the dickride.com (RIP) site in 2006, which DJ Guy went on to win. The final round mixes had to be 10 minutes long and mixed live with vinyl on 2 decks.

My advice to you is check out the whole three mixes from the dickride.com battle but here is the winning mix.

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THE MADNESS OF DJ GUY


PHREN1-3, originally uploaded by astropop.

So, I downloaded this mix ages ago and I refound it on my hard drive after I went through and was uploading new stuff to lameatnames.com [NSFW]

Those of you who have been following my blog will know that I am a big fan of DJ Guy, and have had the pleasure of his company on many occasions - highlights being playing scrunchie football at Diamond Grills in Paris, get shit faced with him and Bitch Ass Darius at my local etc. The 'Fired Up Promo Mix' is one of my favourite mixes of all time - not only because it contains his own track from the Fired Up EP "Big Pussy" but because it also contains the BANGING TRACK by Bitch Ass Daris G**K Hoes on NES one of the best records of all time and I have gone on about that whole mix a million times before.

Oh so where was I? I feel as giddy as my little nephew Sam who I just spoke to at the Devonport Show after he just got off the GeeWhizzer - he said that it was okay when it was going slow but it went really fast and it freaked him out. But he wasn't as scared as his dad was.

Okay so feet back down on the ground:



THE MADNESS OF DJ GUY

Tracklisting
* Intro - Beat Dominator - 2 4 6 8 Feel The Bass (Tekno Version)
* DJ Nasty - Rythmalism - Motor City Electro Company
* Facedown - Smack Dem Gutz (Dub Mix) - Bassdog Records
* Unknown DJ - Basstronic (Bonus Beats) - Dunk Yer Funk Records
* Gant-Man - Lets Get It Perculated - Ghetto Test
* Esser - Forces (Reese Mix) - KMS
* The Underground Track Master - 313 Let’s Go
* DJ Guy - Going Crazy - Global Fire
* DJ Puncho - Let Me C U Juke - Dance Mania
* Crazy Caz - Work It Out - Big Boy Records
* The X-Men - It’s More Fun To Sample (Dub Version)
* Parris Mitchell Project - Bitches & Money - Dance Mania
* Soul Designer - Detroit Sound - F Communications
* Aux 88 - Direct Drive - Direct Beat
* A-Trak - Kraftwerk Break - Ammo Records
* Debo - From Da Back - Freak Mode
* Paul Johnson - Tic Toc - Cajual Records
* Chaos - Afrogermanic - Underground Resistance
* Egyptian Lover - Egypt Egypt - Egyptian Empire Records
* DJ Slugo - Cardboard Booty - Dance Mania
* Little Computer People - Eyes - Psi49net
* Pierre’s Pfantasy Club - Dream Girl (Ralph Rosario Mix) - Mastercuts
* DJ Flint - Bitches and Hoes - Freak Mode
* Renegades of Rhythm - Before The Dawn (Main Mix) - North End Recordings
* DJ Godfather - 24’s - D.E.T. Only
* DJ Godfather - Much Live - Databass Records
* Posatronix - Shake It - Direct Beat
* Teksoul - Chuck (Heavey Bottom Mix) - Skuzz
* DJ Guy - Gangster (Extended Mix) - Global Fire
* Traxmen & Eric Martin - Hit It From The Back - Dance Mania
* Break FX
* Wiley - Flyboy - Shut Your Mouth Recordings
* Red Planet - Prayer Stick (Trans Electric) - Red Planet
* George Kranz - Trommeltanz (Din Daa Daa) - Personal Records
* Non Stop DJs - Hydraulic Pimp - Non Stop Recordings
* Neighbour - What I Say - Home Breakin Records
* X-Men - Revenge Of The X-Men - The X Files
* Adonis - No Way Back - Trax UK
* Fade To Black - In Synch - Fragile Records
* Luke ft Jiggie - Take Off Your Clothes - Priority Records
* DJ Guy - Lil Closer - Global Fire
* DJ Guy - Amber DJ Tools - Global Fire
* I.O.S. - Dance Through The Night - F.A.C.T. Records
* DJ Godfather - Work That! (Clean) - Twilight 76 Records
* Supply N’ Demand - Updown - Supply N’ Demand
* DJ Assault - Jungle Love - Electrofunk Records
* 24-K - Don’t Go There (Acapella) - MCA Soundtracks
* DJ Guy - Don’t Fuck With Me (Fuckstrumental) - Global Fire
* DJ Deeon - Every Day - Freak Mode
* Aaron-Carl - No No - Intuit-Solar
* Dj Assault - Disco Guitar (Remix) - Electrofunk Records
* DJ Assault - Dis Bitch - Electrofunk Records
* Clark - Dirty Pixie - Warp Records
* Gant-Man - Muzik Make U - Dance Mania


Some personal highlights from this mix are Little Computer People - that album is great and reminds me of days and night in Brussels and DJing in the Atomium and Gant Man - Let's Get It Perculated. Anything about the Perculator works for me.

And about now, the fireworks display will be over in Devonport and I've spooged all I needed to about DJ Guy. Now all I need is a new mix from Bitch Ass Darius.

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 5 December 2008

YIN AND YANG


My New Book, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

Last night I trailed the West End exhausted from another complicated week at work, heavy hearted and wanting to see my little niece and nephews. I had a number of options: answer the phone when Antoinette rang [sorry I didn't but I was eating food at a table next to this really horrid kid] and make a plan for Top Nice OR OR OR do what I generally do when I'm feeling a bit fugly and wanting a hug from a thug and that is went shopping for a new bra. We all know I don't need it. It turns out my old friend Noriko now works at Agent Provocateur - and she looks super hot in the uniform. After making her get me 200000 different things to try on, I didn't purchase anything and went back to Myla and bought the feathered bra from the most stupid shop assistant on earth. Her name is Judith. A bit older than middle aged and was wearing a knee length pencil skirt with knee high lace socks. I could have got the same bra in purple but thought it looked a bit like my tits had grown a comedy beards and went for the peach coloured feathers instead. Of course I felt much better afterwards. I came home, watched some brilliant episodes of Law And Order SVU, then slept on the sofa for a while as I usually do. Actually even when I have someone staying over I have to get up and sleep on the sofa for a while - I'm sure it freaks them out...

So here is another attempt at a haiku to put my feelings as to why I do that into some kind of nutshell:

I slept on the couch
It's complicated I know
You are far away

xx Lektrogirl

Thursday, 4 December 2008

BROKEN DREGS


Muffins and Croissants, originally uploaded by Lektrogirl.

It's a croissant fail.
So why do I still feel bad?
I saw it coming.

I thought my usual whinge should at least be turned into something more constructive and so I attempted a haiku. My [very absent] sub-editor Alex Torrance will be able to correct me I'm certain if I have also failed so bad it is a haiku fail. On wikipedia it said i should refer to the weather...??!

xx Lektrogirl

WHEN MEN ARE HOT

Gentlemen:

It is the time of year when you are looking your best. It is the time of year when you are able to, as we girls say "WORK A LOOK" with minimum effort and not looking like a wanker. It is also the time of year that you can commit a fashion suicide an realise you will standing alone under the mistletoe drinking mulled wine with tears in your eyes all the way to Auld Lang Syne and every other to the end of infinity.

Essentially, it is the time of year to have a decent coat, beautiful scarf, nice gloves, a woolly hat and proper shoes. If you just wear your NIKE bomber with a raggy doll scarf and some shit beanie from nowheresville you just look as cheap and tatty as the man in a suit on the way to work braving the elements in some grey nylon blousony style jacket affair he got from free at the latest conference in San Fransico about electronic cabling or something. Invest in the coat / scarf / hat / gloves combo and gentlemen you will be looking a million dollars.

It is obvious - a woolly hat [go easy on the pompoms...] - eradicates "bad hair days" or "bad hair lifetimes" if you started balding aged 20. Your face is still cute and fresh - you have just got over the 'seasonal change flu' and are excited about the prospect of Christmas holidays. Winter hasn't ground your face into oblivion. You look good.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 2 December 2008

IN THE WORDS OF R. KELLY

It has been a while since I spoke of my greatest musical hero R. Kelly - it seems he has been on the downlow of late - he doesn't need to be putting out quite so many hits to pay his lawyers as he thought he might a while ago?! Anyway - as I have been strolling round Zurich and now back in London I have had the lyrics to one of his songs stuck in my head:

[Verse 2: R. Kelly]
Ima Ima Ima Ima flirt
Thats right I tell the truth and the whole truth
When it come to hoes I be pimpin like i supposed to,
rollin em like I supposed to, shinin like I supposed to
In the club fuckin wit honeys like i supposed to
I dont understand when a nigga bring his girl friend to da CLUB
Creppin all ova the floor wit his girlfriend in da CLUB
And wonder why all these playas tryna holla at her
Just soon as she go to the bathroom nigga Ima holla at her
A dog on the prawl when im walkin through the mall
If I could man I would probably flirt wit all of yall
Yea- yea homie you say she yo girlfriend
But when I step up to her, Ima be like tarzan
Believe me maine this is how dem playas do it in the CHI
In plus we got them playette foolers in the CHI
Now the moral of story is cuff yo bitch
I'm black, handsome, I sing, cause Im rich and Ima flirt


Now - the last two lines should be enough to confuse to the whole world why a pseudo feminist like me is in love with R Kelly. But there you have it encapsulated - R Kelly is my kind of guy.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 1 December 2008

RAMENE TA CHATTE



LA COMPILE QUE T'AURAIS DU OFFRIR À LA MEUF DONT T'ES AMOUREUX EN SECRET

So I got asked to offer my opinion on this matter for the French Vice - what song a guy should send me if he was secretly in love with me but never told me - and you can read the whole thing here.

J'ai écrit:

Del Shannon - Runaway
Emma Lektrogirl : " J'ai entendu cette chanson pour la première fois alors que j'étais encore petite fille, et elle a provoqué des trucs qui s'appelaient "le désir", "la luxure" et "un chagrin d'amour". C'était la première fois que je ressentais ces émotions d'adultes, et ça m'a donné envie de briser des coeurs à mon tour - tellement fort que ma victime se saisirait de sa guitare pour chanter des trucs sur moi. Si quelqu'un m'envoyait cette chanson, je saurais qu'il m'appartient à la vie à la mort. Maintenant que je me relis, je ne sais pas vraiment si c'est très correct de vous raconter l'histoire d'une petite fille qui a commencé à mouiller à l'âge de 6 ans... Alors du coup, je vais plutôt choisir ce morceau là :


Kap Bambino - New Breath
Envoyez lui cette chanson si vous voulez la baiser parce qu'elle vous fait vous sentir vivant. Avec Kap Bambino, vous lui faîtes savoir qu'après ça, votre vie ne sera plus jamais la même.

Other contributors offered: Foo Fighters - Walking after you, Elton John - This Is Your Song, R.Kelly - You Remind Me Of My Jeep, Motörhead & Girlschool - Please Don't Touch, Frank Sinatra - My Funny Valentine, X-RAY SPEX - Germ Free Adolescent, The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You, Ride - Drive Blind, 10cc - The things we do for love.

The piece was put together after the guys at VICE France did this thing which they thought were songs that they should send girls. The selection is equally mismatched and horrible.

xx Lektrogirl

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SO EMO RIGHT NOW

SEB


DSC01127, originally uploaded by rat_kat.