Thursday, 30 August 2007


Let's show these girls how cunt you are...

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Wednesday, 29 August 2007


I'm still feeling pretty out of it so I don't know much sense this is going to make. DJ Brains came over today though to show me all the research he had been doing about his name "Brains" all over the internet.

MC BRAINS Oochie Coochie

The original video that is on YouTube is pretty awful, but this video made in one of those video booths is pretty incredible.

I guess DJ Brains wasn't really busy today either cause he even went searching to find out what MC Brains is doing today in 2007. Of course - he has got himself his own MySpace page. Maybe he has Facebook but DJ Brains isn't in his network yet.

"It was 1991 and everything changed overnight for Brainz. A friend who worked at the local Dennys called Brainz to let him know that Michael Bivins (of New Edition fame) and his entourage were dining at the restaurant. Brainz woke up mama and they were off to Dennys to take a leap of faith. After mamas quick introduction to Biv, Brainz was freestylin in the parking lot of the Dennys the next month he was on a plane to L.A. As Brainz puts it; it was just like Trading Places. He was on the Sunset Strip donning new clothes, meeting beautiful women and riding in luxe cars. He is part of Michael Bivins Biv 10; and now James DeShannon Davis is MC Brains."

Having the secret access to the life of DJ Brains DAVIS I can honestly say that DJ Brains dreams and ambitions are not that far away from those of MC Brainz. Only DJ Brains is just waiting for Michael Bivins to walk into House of Wings. Or Tim Westwood. Whoever comes first.

xx Lektrogirl


Tuesday, 28 August 2007


I went to work this morning and asked Hammed in the Café if I should still have a hang over 3 days later. He said yes, because I didn't have another drink yet. That was advice coming from a good Muslim.

Tonight I tried the Honey Soy HOW meal box [fully reccommended] and watch Toulouse at the time to lose [hoho] playing against Liverpool and saw Crouch [Liverpool's answer to David Beckham] not do the robot dance when he kicked a goal.

Oh God - this lot look they are are dressed for a night out a DO IT. Or that Welsh lot with the one called Maggot.
My sister LOVED Liverpool FC back at the time this song came out - it was when we were living in England at the time. I was following Manchester United, but now my team is Arsenal cause I don't wanna get shanked on the way home.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 27 August 2007


Was It Worth It? Pet Shop Boys

Watch in at 01:40 and see if you can pick out Pippa Brooks with the bows in her hair!

xx Lektrogirl

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On the weekend, my friend Bitch Ass Darius makes a regulated bipolar power supply for his new synth.

It makes me wonder what I did at school all those years.

xx Lektrogirl

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My Saturday started so well - Pippa and I knocked the VAT on the head, we managed to work out iMovie together [I prefer Windows Movie Maker FYI] and she made this cute little movie about nearly all the food we ate all day.

You might think that is kind of a random thing to go posting first when I have such cool pics to show you, but trust me - this is going somewhere.

So, after work Pippa and I knocked a bottle of Rosé on the head with "finger food" sized portions of chips at the Coach and Horses. Then who should roll up but the old 7 Year Glitch crew with DJ Assault.

Happy Days. Everyone has their best Photoface[TM] on.

I lept up and introduced myself to DJ Assault with a big kiss although I have to say I couldn't believe ASBO D would have the nerve to turn up smiling after the last time I saw him was in the Macbeth and he said to me "PREPARE TO FEEL THE FULL FORCE OF MY HATRED" with his eyes nearly bugging out of his head. I found it a bit sexual at the time. But more about the full force of ASBO's hatred later.

DJ Assault has both his hands full with our F.U.P.A.'s
Hard to believe but true, I had cracked DJ Assault up with a few jokes ranging from some smutty innuendo offering to suck his dick [and I thought Americans didn't have that kind of sense of humour!] and also explaining to him what showerface means. And Pippa has a picture to prove it but I sure as hell hope this NEVER surfaces on the internet. In this picture, Philippa and I are trying to hold it together after DJ Assault explains in secret what F.U.P.A. means - and there I was thinking he had said 'faux pas' trying to tell him he had bad French. Little did I know it was an acronym for FAT UPPER PUSSY AREA.

DJ Assault with All Dem Hoes
What the fuck I look like I don't know - I'm sideways and wider than everyone else in the picture. Philippa and Pippa have bonded after realising that they both have identical names - both Philippa Ann. Philippa found out today at some carnival that Pippa is Greek for blow job. I must remember to tell Pippa that when I see her next.

Like the end of a tin of Quality Street you always end up with an odd assortment.
Even so, isn't my ex-husband beautiful? Next time XXCENSOREDXX you wanna go flirt with him, you better watch out cause I look at this picture and it just makes me want to hate you more you rat headed sharp faced hoe.

Big Ups to DJ Assault for keeping it straight edge with a secret exlir juice that Pippa was getting the bar to make for him. I thought he was into milk, but he told me that he doesn't drink that any more cause he had to watch his physique. DJ Assault is so sweet and funny. I even got to see under his hat. He is perfect for cuddling.


I've only got a little bit of a crush on DJ Assault now. But I don't really know how happy he is with me after I told him the girl on his t-shirt had no ass or titties. Tho' that didn't stop him from staring and my titties all night. He said he wasn't but he so was!

So after a jolly night drinking ASBO sped off into the night with DJ Assault and we [I?] decided it would be an incredible idea to go to Trisha's. I already had a skin full on an empty stomach.

From this:

To this:

I have to tell the whole world THANK YOU BRAINS and I'm so sorry for making those coupld of jokes you found too personal. You are my hero for staying with me until 4am in Soho while I puked my soul up. Then convincing the Somali cab driver I wasn't to wrecked to take me home.

This song is for you:

Anway fans and party people, the last time I was ill like that was in Tasmania 10 years ago and my mother had to take me to the doctor to get an injection to make me stop wretching when there was NOTHING left. I had been longing for my old days for a while now - thinking "Life was so much more exciting when I was 25" but I really know that I would rather be 35...

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 24 August 2007


More fucking rain.
But check out the video piece that Paul B Davis and Jacob Ciocci from Paperrad made that I was going on about a few posts ago.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 22 August 2007


I'm feeling a bit better lately - I have just been so miserable for a lot of reasons but I think some of thema are working out nicely.

Something that was not nice was the dream about Prancehall I had the other night. He had invited me to come and DJ at something and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to bring all these dismembered pig body parts in giant clear plastic bags as well as my records and there I was struggling to carry everything and my hands slipping on the grease and Prancehall kept bumping into all these girls who looked like they just walked out of Nuts who were all over him. Just FYI I do dream about other people. Occasionally. Anyway - so it wasn't a bad dream just a weird one. And it wasn't so bad that the Nuts girls featured prominently cause I don't mind cause I got my own fans.

Here I am wearing the red Kangol just so I can be like Teki Latex pretending to be Armand Van Helden. I also pretend to be this Nigerian cab driver that I get sometimes from the local cab firm when I wear it. Depends on the rest of the outfit.
Anyway definitely a picture for the fans. Any more requests, just ask.

Having a good coffee drinking partner is also a great cheer up every morning and every afternoon of every working day. Look at what Cissi made me. A beautiful coffee. I feel just like a lady.

That is Cissi in the background in the red dress. Alice is holding her home grown apple in her hand. It really is a beautiful apple. It is a cute picture with that old Katharine Hamnett t-shirt and grass John Smedley / KH 100% Organic Cotton Cardigan.

And in other t-shirt news, here is one I got for Paul for his birthday but I couldn't wait so I gave it to him early.

Finally the random news round up - look out for news in VICE about Brains and his soca collaborations [it might be just one line but look there anyway], we went to dinner with Max at Aldo's tonight and the less fat guy was wearing a Trattoria Da Aldo SWEATSHIRT that I have never seen before, orders are amazing for the KH stuff and I'm busy at work - I'm mega hyped about all the samples of the t bodies that came in - MEGA HYPED, my mother sent me 1kg of AUSTRALIAN Milo which arrived at work today - BOOYAH, I got a new bra from Princesse Tam Tam in Crazy Yellow and I also got a new t-shirt.

xx Lektrogirl


Tuesday, 21 August 2007


How was Jodie Harsh?


Monday, 20 August 2007


Does anyone else think that track 15. Mavado - Wah Dem A Do (Dexplicit Remix) sounds a bit like Reh Dogg?

xx Lektrogirl



It is coming up to London Fashion Week again [this time next month] and I'm reminded of what was happening last year. I was totally into the Green Gold campaigning that Katharine was working with then. So just FYI here is some news about ethical gold mining from back in the day:

This is 70g of pure ore. Not mixed with anything. Before it becomes carat gold.

In a nutshell - one "normal" gold wedding ring produces 3 tonnes of toxic waste. Effectively, a mining company will blow up a mountain, crush it so it doesn't exist any more - and then pour cyanide and mercury over the rubble to draw out the gold. Then the toxic chemicals are stored in reservoirs (which can leak), or dumped in rivers, lakes or the sea. Happy Valentines Day babes. For me it raises the question - if one wedding ring makes three tonnes, how much toxic waste did Big Daddy Kane's ropes make? Or Nelly and his diamond grills?!

Of course, like in most cases there is an alternative and working in the Katharine Hamnett office we are always helpiing KH look for that alternative. A UK jewellery company Cred produce ethical gold and diamond jewellery. Cred work with an organisation called Green Gold who are a fair trade miner's co-operative in Medellin, Colombia. Green Gold locally manage mines that use no toxic chemicals, incorporate reforestation, limit waste and obtain legal approval for proposed mines. The miners have reverted to Mayan and Aztec mining techniques to collect the gold and each mine must fulfill the following criteria:
1. There should be no massive ecological destruction. This state being defined by changes to an ecosystem that places it beyond a possibility of recovery.
2. There should be no toxic chemicals used in the extraction process.
3. The mined areas should gain ecological stability within three years.
4. Top soil removed from the site should be replaced during the exploitation process.
5. Tailings and poolings must not exceed the local ecosystem capacity for rehabilitation.
6. The silt load into stream river or lake system will be controlled in quantity and frequency so that the native aquatic ecosystem is not disrupted.
7. The mining operations must be conducted with the agreement of the local community council.
8. The origin of gold and platinum (for royalty purposes) must be declared in favor of the respective municipality.
9. In forested areas mining activities must not exceed 10% of a hectare during rational periods of two years.
10. Local, regional and national regulations must be followed.
Biodiversity indicators will be established during the process in the intervened ecosystem. This last part means that they check the fish and insects around the mine - if these creatures are still alive then the mine is doing okay. A bit like taking a canary down a coal mine.

Otherwise here are some links to find out more about the project: the Columbian mining organisation Green Gold.
but this is
the best page from Green Gold - it has pictures of the hand tools the miners use, what the mines look like and like charts of how they do each step. Kind of a DIY instruction on how to mine gold in Columbia.

And finally -
here are some really gross pictures of cyanide mining here from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service website.

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Oh wow and then you get to work and there is an email from my good friend Drx and he never fails to cheer me up!

xx Lektrogirl

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Youtube it. Im on the bus again with my incredible phone so I cant embed something.
Max was really curious when he saw my - i even let him have a go. I have known him for 8 years though so it is totally cool. Not sure how I would feel about anyone else...
Pippa was more interested in the vogue style dance dramatic cunty. What made me think of it again was that totally describes me last night throwing out the last of someones stuff into the rainy street and slamming the door in their face. Then the 38 missed calls on their phone cause they 'had it on silent' and me being like Will Ferrell in Blades Of Glory all over their voice mail. god I'm snorting with laughter as I write this. So dramatic cunty. It has all blown over now though. Safe blud. Besides I haven't got Jammer's number yet.

Lektrolab are going to be selling off loads of extra equipment we don't have the storage for - Speak and Spells (we have a gang of them untouched and excellent for circuitbending), a little family of Gameboys (even a nice black one) perfect for LSDJ and 20 flash carts at the moment blank but I think Paul will contact Johan and use the eprom to put LSDJ on them all. Also I'm selling my EnsoniqSQ80 it has the instruction manual and 4 carts a load of sound CD's... I shed a bit of a tear over that... But I never use it anymore and it is worth a fair bit. If anyone is interested let me know before I put it on Gumtree and have to speak to cunts.

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 19 August 2007


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Spoke with Mum this morning and was telling her the latest with Nameless: All about this girl who he has been hanging out with. Apparently he told her "Emma thinks you hate her." Do you HATE it when people do that? Particularly as Nameless is prone to do - get the whole thing arse about face - seeing as I actually hate this girl myself as Nameless has been telling me all about how he thinks that this girl might be flirting with him, and he isn't actually particularly interested in ACTUALLY her, but to have sex with someone would be nice. I totally freaked out, completely heartbroken and cried for two days. My poor mother listened to the who boring story and then said "Emma, Nameless is a loser. I don't know why you don't just shut the door in his face and let him ruin his own life, instead of yours." Having said that I know that Mutts actually likes Nameless too. But she does think he is a loser. Hahaha. I told her that she is right, but I don't have anyone else to fix my wireless network when it's down so to cut him out totally would be a mistake. She said "I see your point."

In more jolly news, I went out with Brains, Philippa and James last night to Bar Du Marche for dinner. I had worked for Max in the office doing his personal accounts which was fun - we had lunch at the New Piccadilly and cunted a few people out while we worked. Then after finishing early, I went and hooked up with Philippa and James, had a glass of the WAG's curse Rosé and we waited for Brains who had been hanging out with DJ Magic. Brains said Hi and gave a massive grin. His teeth were FULL of black shit - he had been talking all afternoon with Jerk Chicken between his teeth to DJ Magic. All night Brains was telling me "I've got Jammer's number - why don't you ring him?"

I can't decide from dinner which picture is funnier. They both crack me up equally:

Dinner was really nice and plenty of jokes all round. I even told the story of getting hit by a car.


So what's with all the Emma videos? At work, Roxy plays Roxanne a lot and we sing it to her [with our own lyrics] but we also have all being trying to think up songs for all the other names of the girls in our office. We need a Jo, Jess, Cissi, Kellie, Alice, Katharine and Emma is definitely covered thanks.

And on my final note right now - Nameless, please don't make me have to roll up to the Old Blue Last one night in a blonde wig and glitter shoes to sing this at someone:

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 17 August 2007


JoJo just showed me her new milking bra which is kind of gross but also really amazing like an old 50's bra. But where the shame lies is I was sitting at one end of the room and was trying to do something lewd at Roxy and JoJo turned round from the fax machine and said across the whole room "I just saw your minge. Aren't you wearing any knickers." Then I had to prove to the whole room I was. I apologised profusely to JoJo but still I felt a bit shamed.

One I was so drunk I ended up walking along Oxford Street in nothing but a red thong [this was like 10 years ago] cause I was changing my clothes on the way to somewhere else. Shame of that situation was some guy shouted "Put your tits away." My friend who I was with at the time, Dan Moss and I ended up staggering around to Rathbone Place, me getting dressed, hailing a cab, me puking in the cab, Dan having to scrub the cab out and pay a fine of £50 and then me passing out back at Dan's house. Oh those were the days. It is all glamour here.

xx Lektrogirl

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We have piles and piles of random stuff from the last 40 years of Katharine's career all over the joint. Every so often from under a pile of slogan t-shirts comes up some amazing stuff like these line cards shot by Claude Mougin for Donald J. Pliner's Right Bank Shoe Company:

"RBCC Cold/Hot Pack"

"Honi Soit Qui Mal Y Pense"

"After Surgery"

All these picks are so amazingly wrong. I'm loving the boots though. I have a pair of Eley Kishimoto cowboy boots I haven't ever worn yet that I should bust out some time soon. Donald J. Pliners shoe company still exists. JoJo and I had a right laugh at the cab driver shoes on sale. Booty Carrell would love one of the pairs, but you can get the same thing cheaper on the Reeperbahn.

Finally here is another pick feeding my obsession for intimate apparel:


xx Lektrogirl

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OMG scratch what I said yesterday about deleting the one Knifehandchop track off my iPod. Woke up this morning and got a comment on my MySpace from Knifehandchop who just friended me the other day saying "Lektrogirl is number one." So yeah yeah mate... You too... We tight yeah... Yeah?

Speaking of my iPod I put Prancehall's new mixtape Anger is a Gift on there at work. Yeah blud safe. Big mixer. It has four Brains tracks on there. Sadly all the shout outs I sent him from Lektrogirl didn't make it - but I heard from Brains that ASBO D was helping Prancehall in the studio - maybe that is why the files went AWOL. Even so, there are a lot of my close personal friends "in the mix".

My hang tight bruv with a big B, Jammer is on there:


Jammer does the Toxic Freestyle I gave him the idea for. You can see the moment I was whispering it in his ear right now.

Anyway the parts of the mixtape I heard were really good - but honestly I only get as far as Jammer and Toxic and put it on rewind and figure that after that it is all Brains tracks that I know fucking over and over anyway. But I'm sure the rest is good too

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. I got so much more to write about but I late already for work. Wow, what a surprise. OH SHIT The Shield is on tonight.

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Thursday, 16 August 2007


1. Eat a hot dog some time soon.
On the way to the bus stop some guy was in his car with his do rag on and his Londsdale sweat on juggling a hot dog in a paper bag and the steering wheel of his Renault Lagunda (?) listening to Dizzy Rascal really load. Local glamour!

2. Get contact lenses.
Only I heard they can roll into the back of your eye ball. Is that true?
Max used to tell me I dressed like a prison warder and I guessed the effort I made worked cause I came to work one day and Jane said I looked like a demented doll. Last thing I need to fix is the glasses. Katharine said I looked like I had a hatchet across my face because of them.

3. Get a divorce.

4. Get a new computer.
Obvious - doesn't everyone say that? Only I want the cheapest most powerful PC computer I can find with a 30inch screen like that awesome one Alex Tea has been bragging about on Flickr. I nearly jizzed up all over the place.

5. Get the Knifehandchop off the iPod Roxy gave me that was Katharine's. Then I just dumped my externl hard drive of .MP3's on it.

Wow. I don't want a lot. I also got to stop blogging on the bus. I feel car sick now.

Xx Lektrogirl

Wednesday, 15 August 2007


Pippa styled everything except my outfit [don't think she'd dare!!] and chose the track cause I chose the last one. The view from the roof top was MEGA.

Check out the
Shop At Maison B website.

xx Lektrogirl

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Okay - so this is "In Love With a Stripper" with a gang of people representing. I just need to remind you all of the supremecy of my main guy R Kelly. Ignore the others - cause the song is absolutely shit. EXCEPT R Kelly as per usual take the game to another level. He shoots, he scores, and blows the ball through the floor when he slams it down. BOOYAHH. Check the last two lines of his verse referring to 1] his "dong" and 2] his head. Oh yes.

Today I woke up pretty miserable - spent the whole night editing the Shop At Maison B / APC video on my laptop and the whole thing kept corrupting because the file is so massive - maybe my laptop just couldn't handle the hot babes. I also had a massive fight with Nameless who is totally being a Vortex Of Pain[TM]. Which also left me really really sad. But then I tried again with the video and got that to work and it is looking HOT! I'll post it when it is ready!

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 14 August 2007


Hey - just a quick time out from regular duties at the KH offices to bring you some of the search strings people type into their favourite search engine to come visit this blog. My personal favourites I have enhanced in green.

Usage Statistics for

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Hits Search String

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There is something quite romantic waking up and hearing the rain hitting the leaves on the trees in my little garden. But the romance fucking ends when I have to get out of bed and get ready for work. I hate it when the weather is like this - WHAT TO WEAR? You end up either too hot or too cold... I guess I will have to take a tip out of the grime fashion wardrobe and wear a cardigan. Hey blud I'm not trying to be urban, I'm just a bruv trying to get through the day. You get me?

Last night I had dinner with The Cardinal at The Star at the end of my street. Philippa told me so many hilarious stories I might as just write XXCENSOREDXX across the whole page today. My favourite one was about someone else and their website. She was saying XXCENSOREDXX probably checks their stats every day across every search engine and plots little graphs. I was already snorting with laughter. "They probably have the 'XXCENSOREDXX performance graph' for Yahoo and another one for Ask Jeeves even." I wonder if they check Wikipedia for themselves yet? Later on in bed I have to say I was thinking - actually I don't think XXCENSOREDXX is all that bad... Perhaps Philippa was using XXCENSOREDXX as an alegory for me! FYI I'm not on Wikipedia yet except as a release on the Rephlex page. Anyway the conversation had turned to graphs because Philippa and I both have to make a lot of shit in Excel for our respective jobs. She explained to me how to do this split table thing I never got the hang of. Sad but true. The two hottest babes on the border between Kentish Town and Archway spending their night together bitch about people who don't know how to use the Microsoft Office programs.

Check this out - the Dutch version:

Shit - I gotta go and change outfits. I'm already too hot in this dress I'm wearing. Our maybe it is all the sexy Excel talk getting me hot under the collar.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 13 August 2007


Well I finally managed to make it to work today [see my post below] and have a whole computer at hand [I actually double fist two] to post a better blog - so I can go into detail about my weekend.

And to watch a little home movie of the weekend in action:

How romantic. I bet you are jealous.

Nameless said a few retarded things on the weekend. But then he told me something funny about a top grime MC who will be coming to record vocals for him.

"also i got XXCENSOREDXX's number off XXCENSOREDXX's and gave him a ring today, he seemed real chill. we both cracked up on da phone cos i told him i wasin holloway and did the usual come on over and record a track here,we'll get some bbq wings, etc. and he said "yeah that sounds great imgonna be drivin by the end of the week" and i go "oh, r u gettin yrlicense" and he goes "no, im gettin a car". haha.

Oh well. Small things amuse small minds. I guess that is why I found my relationship with nameless sexually gratifying.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. And check this out!!


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Im on the top of a double decker on the way to work blogging with my phone. I've already got onto the IT company at work to tell them they need to fix the whole Katharine Hamnett webmail so I can use it in Opera Mini. Andrew said he'd contemplate a WAP version if he has 'nothing better to do one day.' Truth is he so probably could in the ad breaks of Big Brother. Andrew is an amazing nerd. He explained to me why 'ghoti' is pronounced 'fish'.
Urgh still only outside Peacocks on Seven Sisters Road.
xx Lektrogirl

Sunday, 12 August 2007


Will Ferrell on ice. OH MY GOD. DVD of Blades Of Glory came out last Monday.

Like my favourite movie ever. EVER. EE VV EE RR.

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 11 August 2007


I can only imaging what bullshit was coming out of Seb's mouth at the time. Now girls hold onto your panties cause I'm sure it was something totally spiritually sexual that would take you to the special place.

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 10 August 2007


The Shield is starting in Vic said that he is going to kill Shane - the one who dropped the grenade on Lem - if he ever sees him again. Dadadaaaahhhh!! So I got to pay attention on this.

BUT check out
this hotel I just found in Denmark - very cute.

I'm not planning a trip there at any time soon but I think I would like to go hang out!

Oh dead bodies on TV already!! Cool! Gotta go.

x Lektrogirl

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Yesterday as such an awesome day. I've been ill and not getting better so I took the day of to chillax. Well actually Roxy told me to take the day off cause she knew how bad I was feeling. So coo-ool. A day holiday.

1] I went to Notting Hill Gate to meet a lady who wants me to make a website for her. She lives on the cutest street there with a little shop on the end selling tea cups and saucers and weird tea pots. They had this one of Margaret Thatcher and her nose was the spout made. It has a gorgeous dark teal glaze on it. I mean totally random but was amazing.

2] On the way back to the tube station I saw Dexter Fletcher [the guy out of Press Gang / Hotel Babylon - depends how hold you are there] talking on his mobile outside WH Smith.

3] Then I went into WH Smith and bought the Offsrpring issue of i-D magazing cause Joe and Duke are modelling in it and Paul exhibition has a whole page in it. While flipping through, there was a little half page picture with Scorcher, Wretch and Bashy modelling some amazing cardigans. Apparently cardigans are the new hoodie in the grime scene. Let's see how long it takes for Prancehall to get one one. Brains already has a few new ones that he has been rolling through boroughs in cause I gave him some organic cotton Katharine Hamnett ones made by John Smedley. For all the urban people out there who can feel the cold winds changing on their hoodie I have a few more cardigans. Beep me.

4] SOHO!! I headed straight to Flat White where I said hello to my buddies in there. OH GOD!! I really miss this place - that has been the real bummer about changing jobs. I used to be able to hop away from my desk for the best coffee in London in two minutes at 6 Berwick Street. I had my usual Bacon and Halloumi Bagel and a soy Flattie [no cobwebs]. TOTAL HEAVEN.

5] Then into the coffee shop on Old Compton for two bits of nougat for .70p - a piece for Pippa and a piece for me!

6] Into shop at Maison B and OH MY GOD! Shitting myself all over the place!! THE NEW APC IS IN AND IT IS HOT HOT HOT. And that is why I was going into Soho in the first place. We were making another movie with all the new stuff for the Shop At Maison B website. With five models, two photographers and Pippa and I and our DV cameras we climbed to the very top of an appartment building on Charing Cross Road for the most spectacular views I have seen in a LONG TIME!! Big Ben, Nelson's Column, The Millenium Wheel and every chimney pot in between.

7] Once the sun had gone, everyone changed out of their clothes and we went to The Coach and Horses for a drink and a chat and and I got to hang out with Sarah Lee who makes me laugh.

8] Getting home feeling rosy, I saw the Metro with Liz Hurley totally ripping my style in my favourite Katharine Hamnett t-shirt!!! I think she even swiped my jeans off the washing line!!! Only they are a little snug on her thighs.

For those of you who think Katharine Hamnett t-shirts are annoying and shit, that's fine, but as I spend my days trying to sell these t-shirts seeing that Liz Hurley BOUGHT one [if there was a freebie given out, I would have known about it] itis going to make my job a hell of a lot easier.


xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 9 August 2007



Faggatronix are an awesome DJ tag team - Bok Bok and Manara. They have a new mix out now which I have been listening to at work and at home - and I would in the car if I had one.

brand new hotness


01 * ? - set your body free [CROOKERS remix] / DJ TAMEIL - i smell pussy
02 * L-VIS 1990 - change the game
03 * STICKY - dr who
04 * FAGGATRONIX - broken promises
05 * DND - got myself together
06 * THE OUTHERE BROTHERS - wiggle wiggle
07 * UNKLEJAM - lova ya [HERVE remix]
08 * DIZZEE RASCAL - stop dat [BOK BOK's SE5 refix]
09 * STARKEY - noreaster riddim
10 * ACID JACKS - mookie
11 * STICKY & GAPPY - inna da dancehall [D&G mix]
12 * DROP THE LIME - come 2 life
13 * FLO-RIDA - birthday
14 * CROOKERS - aguas de parco
15 * LIVE O - dirty skankin
16 * DJ ASSAULT - kill the bitch
17 * DEXPLICIT - good for me
18 * DROP THE LIME - big malice
19 * DJ TRAJIC - 1 2 3 4 all the ladies on the floor
20 * I ROBOTS - frau [BOYS NOIZE remix]
21 * WES FIF ft B.O.B - haterz everywhere
22 * J MIXER - let it all go
23 * H20 - what's it gonna be ft Platinum
24 * T2 - salsa
25 * Keisha Tara Shonda Sabrina Crysta Daronda Theresa Felicia Tenisha Sha'von Monica Monique Christina outro

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Wednesday, 8 August 2007


Once upon a time, Paul and I used to spend time talking about music, art and holidays. Now it is a different story...

22:37:12: The girls ive imed are u, XXCENSOREDXX and lauren viera
22:37:24: WTF
22:37:26: HAHAHA
22:37:29: dick rash city
22:37:54: im sure she has a cunt like a grater
22:38:00: i feel sorry for XXCENSOREDXX

22:38:01: I used 3 condoms
22:38:18: It was to make my dick look bigger tho
22:38:24: yeah - you put one on but had to stuff it with another two to stop it from falling off
22:38:34: But i didnt catch anything!
22:38:38: yeah you did
22:38:44: you caught herpes from tounging her
22:39:06: the scabs round your mouth were so bad they went up your nose

22:39:19: No i got hepatitis from slashing up her face...blood spatter
22:39:29: i thought you hated her
22:39:35: what are you talking to her for

22:40:21: Googletalk dummy...anyone who ever emails is automatically added to yr googletalk friends
22:40:35: Nimbuzz does googletalk
22:40:45: well when did she
22:41:01: as i said = what are you takling to her for
22:41:06: you didnt answer the question


22:42:49: well - it kind of makes sense. she is short, scraggy hair and a bit cross eyed. she looks just like your type
22:43:00: and a total slut

22:43:07: She obviously wants 2 have sex with me, thats why she askeds me about it
22:43:11: i wonder if XXCENSOREDXX made her hallucinate
22:43:32: What so shed find me attractive?
22:43:42: yeh - im surprised you havent gone around telling me you think she is flirting with you already
22:43:47: cause she sent you some random email

22:44:27: I wouldnt do that
22:44:31: why?
22:45:47: If an email is random thats all it is, yeah? Yr suggesting i make something out of nothing for some other reason
22:46:13: ive been thinking - i should just be proud of the work i have done with you.
22:46:41: i mean - you came here smelling, with a sock on your arm, in weird american clothes your mother bought, and nasty hair.
22:46:53: now you look amazing. and you know about presenting yourself
22:46:58: no wonder girls like you
22:47:09: it is just a shame so far it is just those whorey runts
22:47:32: XXCENSOREDXX is a midget, not a runt
22:47:43: so was XXCENSOREDXX
22:47:54: and so was her stupid tape assed dog
22:49:27: what is it with you and small girls? is it cause you have issues with your sexuality?
22:49:30: Whats wrong with a matching midget and midget dog?
22:50:05: you put your dick in one of them. only they were both so ugly you could never be sure which was which.
22:50:14: probably it was the dog that gave better head
22:50:21: with an asshole that was less hairy
22:50:38: Shit i forgot about that
22:50:47: Thx for reminding me
22:50:56: reminding you about what?
22:51:11: That bridgette had a hairy asshole
22:51:24: HAHAHAHAHAHA you never told me that
22:51:27: HAHAHAHAHA
22:51:28: HAHAHAHA
22:51:30: oh man
22:51:47: i guess you never knew if she was standing on her hands or her feet then cause she so ugly

22:51:48: Hahaha!
22:51:52: cause you cant smell.
22:52:02: her breath would have been the only giveaway
22:52:09: I can taste tho remember!

22:52:20: im sure her mouth tasted like shit too
22:52:52: i know how much you love to kiss ass though - particularly when you think you are going to get a show or exhibition out of it
22:53:24: Yeah but asshole tasted of lice medicine, that was the giveaway
22:53:39: what?
22:54:07: Her asshole, even
22:54:18: what?
22:54:50: I was making a joke that she had lice but only on her anus hair
22:55:04: oh - too obscure. i out joked you. a point to me

22:55:39: Sure have a point if that makes u feel better

Sadly that point did make me feel a whole lot better. I wish I could tell you who XXCENSOREDXX is but my life wouldn't be worth living if I did.

I did have a nicer conversation with Paul earlier when he was telling me all about Lynden in the HOUSE OF WINGS was talking about. He was saying that Lynden was complaining about all some West Indian coming in bitching cause he doesn't serve rice and peas. And getting all dark saying "Well what kind of restaurant is this?" And Lynden saying "Barbeque" And the peep saying "But you're from Trinidad. So where are the rice and peas?" And then Lynden was telling Paul "You'd never get a white person in here complaining." So Paul was acting like he was from the American South asking for rice and peas and Lynden was ROTFLOL.

For those of you who haven't seen it already here are the "sticky smokey bbq" + "it bunnin meh" 8 piece meal boxes, one with macaroni pie and bombay rice, the other with pie and slaw. 6 quid each.

Sad news on the grime scene today - you read it here first before this vital information ends up in VICE Magazine GRIMEWATCH - 2 top North London MC's went round to see Brains to talk music. Sadly, HOUSE OF WINGS had a burst water pipe and was closed for business. All went home hungry. Boohoo. There might be a shanking.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 6 August 2007


So yes it is true. Someone can dump you and then dump you again without having even got back with you. A certain exhusband who will remain nameless, will remain nameless cause is name isn't worth repeating right now unless it is with a sign of derision. It's OK. He is going to the movies with other girls these days. And I always hated the cinema. The girlfriend before me called him the VORTEX OF PAIN. I laughed really smugly thinking "Oh how could this girl be so awful..." But now the joke is on me.

From this:

To this:

But it's all cool. I was totally totally broken hearted. Then I got an email from The Mafia today. She said:

but - girl - u did e-v-er-y--h-i-n-g in the world u could do!!!!!
any other woman would have dumped him over a year ago!
and u tried!
I think it#s really tough and a sign, that you have a huge heart and lots of love and
that u can remember and u still have that. maybe that's the best of it...

And it is true. Bitch Ass Darius said something similar to me once waiting for the Eurostar that made me cry.

I got good friends. Even nameless. I got home today to find he had come over and done all my dishes. What a weirdo. But I know he still loves be.


I'm not the type that easily crys
But I must admit there was
a tear in my eye.
Now I know that I love
you and I'll know I'll
be true too.
Calling all boys
I'm calling all boys - I love you
I do.
Calling all boys
I'm calling all boys - I need you
I do.

I'm not the type that
easily swayed but I must
admit that I wanted to
I know that I want you
and I'll always be
true too.
Calling all boys
I'm calling all boys - I love you
I do. . . .
Hey boys
I think your cute in
tight blue jeans and
French cut suits.
Outta sight

outta mind
your quite a catch your quite a find.
you're slick
you're chic
you're so hot
you're so sleek.
You got class
you got style
I've wanted you all the while.
I'm not the type that
easily crys but I must
admit there was a tear
in my eye.
Now I know that I love
you and I'll know I'll
be true too.
Calling all boys
I'm calling all boys - I love you
I do. . . .

Oh HOLY SHIT... I just remembered this!!

I could make a dozen bad jokes about nameless here about who he ain't.

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 5 August 2007


Mum called this morning just as I was thinking of her, while I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea. I thought of her cause I trod on something that reminded me of an umbilical cord from one of our old dog Winnie's puppies. Winnie was a great dog. My sister still has the plaster cast of Winnie's leg and this is like maybe 14 years ago. The cast isn't very big. Winnie was a corgi. So - there is Mum chatting away telling me that one of the teachers at her school was checking out my MySpace page and Flickr for some project for her class and then Mum started going on about this blog. I was like "Oh god Mum PLEASE don't read my blog." And she was like "Yes some of it is quite shocking." And I was like "But I write it and don't imagine you are reading it. I don't think you and your friends are going to sit there and read it. I write like it is all the stuff me and Dad used to talk about in the garage. Boys's talk." And she was all like totally casual "Oh God Emma, you've always been like that. Don't worry." So now I'm not. I didn't bring up the time she and my sister quoted sections of my journal back to me over the dinner table when I was 17 [see it was at this moment I realised there was no point to having any shame.] I also didn't was to mention either that she was part of the most embarrasing moment of my life envolving me, my ex boyfriend Nick Dunn and making eye contact with her through the bedroom window at a rather crucial moment... Talk about getting instantly floppy [if I was a guy.]

So, HI MUM!! How you doing? How cold is it in Tassie? Hope you keeping your map o' Tas warm! Do your headlights go on when you go outside. Herrrr herrrr herrrr.

Check me out in Bahrain in 1997!!

Those were the sneakers in the background that cost £120 which was A LOT in those days. Sneakers were never that much then.

Mum, I know you are proud of me whatever I do, even if what I do isn't what most people want their daughters to be doing. I'm proud of you when you told the bank to get stuffed cause you didn't want to wear tights.

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 4 August 2007


Screw you too

xx Lektrogirl

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Here I was in the Shopgirl Damart office about 8 years ago. Just FYI, they are Earl Jean skinny 29 inch waist jeans. I would have toruble getting an arm in the leg now.

In this picture, I am wearing a jumper that is called Frenchy. That jumper features in a song on the album I wrote released on Rephlex as Lektrogirl. It also used to belong to my old boyfriend Daniel.

Daniel de Jong and I were together when I was living in Tasmania in 1997-98 and I regret to this day ever breaking up with him. I still have the plaster chess pieces his Uncle carved as practise scrimshaw. I regularly Google Daniel to find out what he is up to. All I have been able to confirm is that the rumours about him hand making guitars is true. Daniel - if you ever read this, I was vile and I'm sorry. Walking around the Cornelian Bay Hockey fields with you was some of the best times I had. And there are still some of your records I wish I knew the sames of...

I broke up with Daniel after sleeping with a guy called "Slack Nuts". When he lay face up on the bed with his legs apart his nut sack was actually resting on the mattress. He said part way through like "I want to be your protector." Suffice to say it was a one night thing.

Then I went out with this guy:

Monsieur Dimanche. Going out with him was a massive mistake BUT his is a hilarious person and I had a lot of fun with him. Good times. He just wasn't a good choice of boyf for me. I hear he is very happy in America now dating some girl he calls The Midget. Oh Antoine is a great dancer! So funny!! We were always make trouble together.

Then this is the guy I married:

Which I still don't know if it was a good or bad thing.

Today I'm spending my Saturdy afternoon doing book kepping in the Katharine Hamnett studio. On the way here though I stopped off at the second hand shop. I'm not going to tell you which one cause that would be giving away some vital information top secret but to every girl in this office. I mean - already a lot of people know it, but why invite more. I didn't need to go there cause Katharine gave me the jacket I was eyeballing all week that she bought back from Dalston cause I loved it so much. Katharine is the sweetest most generous person sometimes. And JoJo bought back the most BEAUTIFUL brooch on earth for me. But it might have been cause I made an old man happy. Private Joke. Anyway I bought 5 dresses at the 2hand shop - one of which is an Austrian dirndl. My tits look massive. Well I guess I won't get a German boyfriend wearing one...

I gotta get back to work

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 3 August 2007


I genuinely hope that Paul's next girlfriend has a body like the one on the left cause it is all he deserves.



Woah - well my old external hard drive still working - and so tonight after work I spent some time getting info off it to transfer to my PC. I'm happy to have all the old favourite pics back! I have huge collections of weirdo porn from the olden days on my iMac:

I photoshopped out the Va-J-J but I didn't draw on that face! I have a whole series of pictures from that shoot. How I found it I don't know but totally weird.

Here is an old picture from Paul that he found back in America. He said "Don't put that picture on the internet! Now everyone is going to have that!!" Tough titties. Unlike what this lady has got. But she is so cute.

And then back in 2001, when I was still playing with the little Witch Mollywood together we ended up making a whole series of flyers for the parties. Here is one:

In 2002:

I imagine licking the end of a pool cue is pretty revolting.

And here is another from 2003.

From 2002, this is everyone's favourite:

Then check this out - my old autograph book from 1981.

Read what my cousin wrote in 1983. What a prophecy! Destined to be a slut from the age of 11.

I also have a GANG of signs, fonts, book covers, found notes and random shits:

I would dare put anything bigger than a wee in their toilet bowl. I wouldn't even dare do a little pop-off...

A Darkey Misunderstanding.

Anyway - there will be a whole more entourage of stuff from my deepest darked archive hole in the coming posts! Woo-hoo! Excitement plusss

xx Lektrogirl

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Best morning of my life! I have the whole studio to myself to do my work, I am drinking plunger coffee, eating baguette and creme de saumon listening to my old Mac external hardrive full of MP3's of Jane's computer. R Kelly's SHOWDOWN over and over again. Ron Isley is totally sexual! [FYI R Kelly has had more in his career than In The Closet and weeing.]

Show Down
[ Verse 1 (R. Kelly) ]
I feel that the time is here
for you to bring your body here
And give me what I've waited for
Hurry up and come on in and close the door
I'm about to get up on it
Feed me girl cause I'm so hungry
Got plenty money but I'm still lonely
Gotta have you now cause me so---
Black and Asia girl,
Tattoo on your tongue
Thugged out and scared
But I'm uh make you love me
Say some aphrodisiacs
Baby girl its on
I promise you I will do all
these words to the song

[ Chorus ]
(I'm about to lay your) body down
(Rodeo be like) up and down
(Bout to show you how I) roll down
Its about to be a

(I'm about to lay your) body down
(My rodeo be like) up and down
(Bout to show you how I) roll down
Baby its about to be uh...

[ intermission ]

[ Verse 2 (R. Kelly) ]
I'll be making you my lady
S.E.- got me going crazy
Any-thing that you want me to do
I'll do anything cause I'm feeling you
All through the club girl you dance so freaky
Tall diamond pierced with a look that kinky
Ac-ting like you want me to turn you---
Attitude like what, Kelly turn me now
Black and Asia girl,
Tattoo on your tongue
Thugged out and scared
But I'm uh make you love me
Say some aphrodisiacs
Baby girl its on
I promise you I will do all
these words to the song

[ chorus x1 ]

[ intermission ]

[ Verse 3 (R. Kelly) ]
Now give me the mic so I can get buck buck
Like fiesta, fiesta still moving the crowd
Out of all the girls I've loved before
Got plenty of honeys--
Puff puff give now let me hit it once more
Fake ass niggas get out and close my door
Its my house for me to live not yours
If I wanted to I could- on the floors
Through the doors like a western
flick the club is crunk
Penny and Chris you know that boys tow up
About 8 or 9 black stallion riding up
Its Mr. Big screaming
[ Lyrics provided by ]
showdown I'm like what...

[ Mr. Big ]
Now Kelly-
Its not enough room in this town
For you and me so lets get down
I'm sick and tired of you and
this down low fight
From contagious all the way to Mrs. Price
You done it now with Ms. Black Asia
I knew something was funny
when she stopped paging
House, cars, shopping mall
Man I tell you its a battle call
Like an Asian vull
I'm about to charge
Carry, you won't see tomorrow
Its time to put a end to
your late night creeps
Now any last words before my pistol speaks...

[ (R. Kelly) -spits- ]
Mr. Biggs-
Now no disrespect but man I'm tired
Cause all these years its my
back you've been riding
We've been in and out of
fights on these videos
Now its about time you felt the real rodeo
See I did it back in 98 of September
You took her from me yea
right you don't remember
I remember so clearly we were
coming from an opera
How clever you were when you
slipped her your number
(ooh) I know that makes ya'll wanna know
(ooh) Who's really on the down low
You wonder why we're always at it there it is
Sleeves up Mr. Biggs
Cause I'm about to get- wild, wild, west
Sick and tired of your mess
You put me to the test
And now I'm sticking out my chest
So any last words before I draw these cannons
Cause when the smoke clears I'll
be the last man standing

[ chorus x2 ]

In lieu of there being a video for R Kelly and Ron Isley on YouTube, you can watch one of my own home movies taken just the other day at my local pub:

Hoho- really it is Divine in Lust in the Dust. But I look just like that anyway.

xx Lektrogirl

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Oh god too many night on the razz and I should have got in early today to get cracking on the bank reconciliations waiting for me while the office is quiet cause everyone else is at Portobello. I just found this video though and decided it was worth getting out of bed today cause I might meet a skinny French dude who dances like a spazz that has a GSOH, enjoys going and for dinner and "likes to party". HAHAHA whenever someone says that I totally crack up now cause Katharine always says it as the ultimate pisstake.

Katharine about to tell a joke for the over 30's with Wino Winehouse hair for JoJo's leaving party.

My starter from last night. Spinach [for muscles] Fennel [for whatever] Egg [for protein] and two eyes. I felt a bit like I was eating Kermit the Frog.

Thanks to Philippa's astute cocktail drinking the night before, I knew to choose an astringent refreshing bubbly light champagne cocktail to set me up for this night of party vibes. Here is the Julie's version of the French 75. Delicious!

This was Philippa's cocktail the night before at the Hawksmoor. I could have stripped off and had a bath in it! All those fruits in Philippa's drink from the Hawksmoor are actually the fruits that didn't get chosen for the Ribena ad and they all go so depressed they commited suicide.

Fit. Maoris who can get me all juiced up doing the haka.

This is great cause the Tongan team also do their version. Brrrap that.

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Thursday, 2 August 2007


OMG tonight was JoJo's going away party before her maternity leave at work and Katharine took us all to dinner at Julie's in Nottinghill Gate. It is such a lovely restaurant. I still prefer the food at Arbutus in Soho, but the atmosphere is way sweeter at Julie's. It is like being in some weird Soho place, but they actually bother to clean the corners in Julie's. Anyway - the theme was "Kerrrazyyy hair" cause JoJo always does amazing hair with her amazing hair. Katharine turned up to work this morning with an Amy Winehouse!!! Who would effing believe it!!! It looked fucking incredible on Katharine. So beautiful. Katharine did JoJo's hair herself like Marie Antoinette without a little boat or a bird to put in it. It was incredible - like Marge Simpson hair. Chorley was still there today finishing off the work he started. I think he would have preferred to get his hair done too. Tomorrow morning, the whole office is off to Portobello to go shopping. I am off to the office to finish the VAT return so I can play East Coast Rap at full blast and not offend anyone with all the "fucks". The other day Cissi totally spazzed out with the computer fucking in her face while she was trying to work.

Sara from Faggatronix has been totally all over my Flickr. But I think she is the funniest girl in London, other than yours truly. She mentioned she is working near Trader Vics. Sara - please can we go there together? - with other people too if you want - cause I don't want you to think I'm some weirdo Licker Lemon which isnt too far form the truth, but I hope you would bring Bok Bok and his nose bleeds cause I want to look at it up close. Like he is Bruce Willis in Die Hard only a lot skinnier and more hair. And you and me Sara can talk about R. Kelly without anyone to butt in and tell us that ALLEGED story about the piss again. *YAWN*

I actually have some great news regarding a certain situation in my life. I told the girls in the studio this morning and they were pissing their pants. JoJo nearly gave birth early. I need a few more days to think about posting it. But it is the weirdest thing anyone has ever said to me.

More later - I have pics of the whole meal from Julie's which I want to post so Philippa and Chorley can see.

xx Lektrogirl

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After work I went out with some friends and some things happened that made me feel a bit sad because of some changes going through their lives. It made me think of the times I was dating Monsieur Raide. It made me think of when I was married to Saucepan Handle. It made me think of Ocho Choco. It made me think of Mumu. I was also totally sauced on wonderful cocktails from Hawkmoor. Nicely drunk but a bit of sorrow. But this sorrow was also kind of nice. I felt like I spent the evening surrounded by real people. I felt like the number of people I know with a real pulse is increasing. Which might feel a bit weird for the people I am talking about to know, but really, I need this. I need real people. I'm nearly 35 but I'm still finding my way.

In other news:
Chorley came to work today and modelled a tote bag for Katharine to see how gay he looked. I told him to be at work at 9am tomorrow, but really there is little chance I will be there. I wonder if he will do it? I spent some time trying to use my new stupid phone. It is really mondo retardo. I need to sleep.

xx Lektrogirl

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