INCOMPREHENSIBLE

James Chorley? Can this be true!!??

IN THE WORDS OF R. KELLY

It has been a while since I spoke of my greatest musical hero R. Kelly - it seems he has been on the downlow of late - he doesn't need to be putting out quite so many hits to pay his lawyers as he thought he might a while ago?! Anyway - as I have been strolling round Zurich and now back in London I have had the lyrics to one of his songs stuck in my head:

[Verse 2: R. Kelly]
Ima Ima Ima Ima flirt
Thats right I tell the truth and the whole truth
When it come to hoes I be pimpin like i supposed to,
rollin em like I supposed to, shinin like I supposed to
In the club fuckin wit honeys like i supposed to
I dont understand when a nigga bring his girl friend to da CLUB
Creppin all ova the floor wit his girlfriend in da CLUB
And wonder why all these playas tryna holla at her
Just soon as she go to the bathroom nigga Ima holla at her
A dog on the prawl when im walkin through the mall
If I could man I would probably flirt wit all of yall
Yea- yea homie you say she yo girlfriend
But when I step up to her, Ima be like tarzan
Believe me maine this is how dem playas do it in the CHI
In plus we got them playette foolers in the CHI
Now the moral of story is cuff yo bitch
I'm black, handsome, I sing, cause Im rich and Ima flirt

Now - the last two lines should be enough to confuse to the whole world why a pseudo feminist like me is in love with R Kelly. But there you have it encapsulated - R Kelly is my kind of guy.

xx Lektrogirl

BODY KISS

When doves cry.

I have been listening to nothing by The Isley Brothers for the last couple of days. I reckon I could be a great mini cab driver soon. I just have to be able to deal with the smell of those trees. Anyway there are two songs you really need to check out - one is called "I Like" written by and featuring R Kelly and Snoop Dogg. The other one is called "Body Kiss" which is a slow, sexual and spiritual jam that is like flies caught in syrup on a hot day - it is sweet and sickly - especially the kissy noises that Ronald does through the song and L'il Kim sounds real husky and dirty too even though they have put auto tuner on her vocals. Amazing. LOL. Amazing delivery by Mr Biggs. His voice is exquisite. Slow jammer. See I told you I should be a mini cab driver.

Not like the poor pigeon above which is more like the state of my life than the vibes going on in an R&B jam. Having said that, I had an amazing time last night. In a suspect outfit I met with Mr Chips, The Cardinal, Jappers and Bird Cage and went to Cocadisco for some above and below the waist dancing. There I saw SPENNY TUNGATE OMG - he is the greatest dancer - gave myself serious bruises fisting Rachel and got spit on by Paul Pieroni who was doing really incredible floor skids. I was super impressed.



Julianiswatching was also there and looked like a cheese string on the dance floor and pulled some pretty impressive shapes. He's a super sexual dancer!! I would want to be his friend if he didn't spend the whole night inferring I was fat by trying to tickle me all night. There are only two places I'm ticklish and one of them is my inner thigh. The other is more available to the general public so I'm not going to tell. Though my father was a big one for tickles so I spent my childhood years developing the power of mind over matter as an invisible force field for tickle threats.



Earlier in the evening I had a really interesting conversation with James and Amph keeping my eye on what is really important. Here we see the guys eye to eye discussing man to man stuff.

Even earlier in the day, Carri came to see me at the shop. I made her pose for hours while I worked out the flash on the camera that Mrs Kipling has leant me.



Don't think she found it such a chore. When other visitors came in to see me I had to kick them all out cause we were having a really good conversation about tummy rolls and the best meal deals from KFC. Carri and I are high rollers you may have noticed. No fucking junior spesh for us for one pound fifty.



Genuine good times. So much fun! God yesterday turned out to be WWIICCKKEEDD.



Probably cause I went and had a proper dinner for a change at The Giaconda Dining room. It is on Denmark Street. It is so good. I had tuna, puy lentils - everything you see pictured here. People at a nearby table were saying rather loudly "Why is she taking pictures of her food?" so I bogged them out hoping to give one of them a dirty look, but they were too busy talking about me they didn't look back over. They were saying that people who blog food are good for recommendations of restaurants on the internet. If I could recommend any place in London right now, it would have to be The Giaconda Dining room. I can't wait to go back again.

xx Lektrogirl

MY DREAM

My intense sleep therapy is finally budging my cold. When I cough it doesn't sound like a have a lump of phlegm the size of a small octopus in my throat. The other bonus is that I have started to have dreams again. All the time. About all kinds of things. Sometimes based on midnight phone conversations I have had. Other times just random stuff.



I dreamt I was back at school with friends. I had been expelled but was determined to stay for as long as possible to learn more and eat the free food. As I walked up a hill into a forgotten building, I saw a man who had the most beautiful face. He asked me if I needed saving. We spoke very closely to one another so that I could feel his breath on my face. We kept out conversation secret from a short woman. I told him I did and we left together. Then we walked into a street market where there were strands of seaweed for sale. He had become a woman and was no longer the calm beautiful person I met.

The thing is, I keep dreaming about seaweed ALL the time at the moment. And it always looks the type of seaweed. Apparently to see seaweed in your dream, suggests that you need to rely on your intuition and trust your instincts.

As for the slug in the photo above - I don't think I would trust him. He was getting along really fast. Slugs are meant to be slow right?

Music I'm listening to right now:

R Kelly vs Ginuwine IN THOSE JEANS. [Two Homies for the homos.]





There is someone out there who makes this internet thug cry something terrible.

xx Lektrogirl

R KELLY UPDATE

From Chicago Tribune Online:

May 29, 2008 3:01 PM: Tale of the tape: Video expert testifies

If you ever wanted proof that forensic investigative techniques are just not as interesting as they appear on TV dramas, this last witness is your guy.

George Skaluba, a video analyst with the forensic unit of the FBI, spent the better part of an hour and a half Thursday discussing the various ways that videotapes are produced, reproduced, analyzed, morphed, doctored and damaged.

We call it the "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Videotapes Plus An Hour More" testimony.

He used more technical terms than helpful in a blog, and ultimately concluded the following:

1) The tape is not an original, and he doesn't know what generation tape it is.

2) The more you copy a tape, the more the quality and clarity of the video deteriorates.

3) It was not a good-quality tape.

4) The copy he reviewed didn't appear to be altered, but the original may have been.

5) To morph the faces and images in the 27-minute video (think "Little Man") was possible, but it would take "years" and would be "very, very difficult because of the length" of the tape. On top of that, he said, it would likely be easily identifiable.

Azam Ahmed