PASCAL'S VIDEO HITS

So who can forget such classics as "I'VE WAITED TIL IM CRAZY" or "BOULE DE FLIPPER" or "NIGHT OF FIRE"? I'm tell you, NOT ME. All of these videos and many more have appeared on this blog courtesy of Pascal / Puyo Puyo in Nantes. What a wonderful day.

xx Lektrogirl

ABENA NOW

Today Dora taught me about baby names in Ghana. I was born on Tuesday so my name is Abena. And if I was a boy, it would have been Kwabena. Then I taught Dora / Afia how to use youtube and we looked at a lot of Christiana Love and Profit Seth videos. I was asking her about the Hiplife videos and she told me "They smoke marjuana these ones." And then she told me about her son Festus who made a rap demo.




Christiana Love is a pastors wife. She does not dress appropriately for church and she dances like a normal person and not like a pastors wife. Apparently.


I love Kwaku's voice. And Seth in this video is Profit Seth. And Seth used to be in Dora's church back in Ghana.

xx Abena

IN LOVE <3 <3 <3

I never fancied a Japanese guy before, but here are five of them. I have to say, I have as much chance as getting with R Kelly but can I at least send out my wish for Spring Summer 2010: I would like to walk round town and see as many men dressed like this as possible. Yacht Rock with a pink rosette!

xx Lektrogirl

STRONG LOOK

And don't give a fuck what anyone says.

Possibly my top YouTube video for Jan 10.

xx Lektrogirl

INVESTIGATION

God, I have been cracking up to myself about this video and the party, with the baseball caps, divas, cats and disco lights. I can't possibly make the jokes I want to. But I laughed so hard I coughed up a slug of phlegm which landed on my sleeve. Gross.

xx Lektrogirl

SOMETIMES I AM SO STUPID

I spend ages on YouTube the other night trying to find this song again, and just realised after reading the first month of posts on this blog ever it was there all along.

JOE

joe short, originally uploaded by All About Eve Babitz.

One of the many reasons I hang out with the boys for Madame whenever she asks me. I have to say, I wasn't there when this happened, but how fabulous that Madame recorded the event for all of us to see!

And oh!



More interesting than this woman having a go at the Beyoncé routine is the kid in the background. What is she up to?

xx Lektrogirl

MY STYLE MY WAY

Even with the weekend misery, there was plenty of respite



I was hanging out with London's coolest 7 year old kids who thought I was okay to make pirate maps with, play kerrplunk with, play hide and seek with, try and work my nerves by wrestling after bed time [but I remember the day Roy came into Shop at Maison B and used 'the voice of doom' and I tried it and it worked] and then had breakfast in bed with Pippa the next day.

For more on the lives of the Brooks Lee Jones family, you can always visit here madamesays.com

xx Lektrogirl

NIGHT OF FIRE

Last night drinking with the tailors has totally ruined me for tonight so at the last minute I am scrabbling together a dessert for the exclusive adult invitation dinner I am going to in a bit to learn how to cook pasta. Booze again I am sure. And tomorrow after another night of fire I will be paying the price. Live by the sword, etc etc etc.

FIIIAAAARRRR!!

xx Lektrogirl

I'VE WAITED TIL IM CRAZY

And probably driven myself a little crazy listening to Wong Chi Wai over and over. I hope he is joking with that suit! And let me guess, that isn't him break dancing with the glitter balaclava?

xx Lektrogirl

BOULE DE FLIPPER

Dressed like all the girls at Work It / Top Nice / Real Gold etc, but with a face 100 times more beautiful.

xx Lektrogirl

SHIT LIST

Everyone who loves me thinks that my ex is a jerk for all the grief he has brought in to my life. Sometimes I feel guilty for talking to him. Other than his divining rod for misery and simpering on YouTube there are some thing about him that I think are pretty awesome. Like this:



The New York Times also wrote quite nice article about his work that has quote from non other than Paul Peroni. The nice surprise at the bottom is that it talks about Superflex and the CopyShop in Denmark. Funnily enough, they are mates of mine too. You will have seen stuff on here before about them.

Today will be one of more sewing. I have a stack of African fabrics and vintage Vogue patterns and a kitten doing gnarly sofa surfing taking run ups and flipping over the back of the sofa like they are giant waves. Cowabunga dudes.

xx Lektrogirl

THE COOLEST GUY ALIVE

Philiet is the most talented amazing awesome dude ever ever who can make anything he touches gold - except getting a girlfriend maybe - BUT this is THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST. Totally wipes the floor with a giant sponge made from Eminem and P Diddy when he does a slow song.

Biscuits


Rabbit


xx Lektrogirl

HOT MONEY

The man in the red East 17 woollie has fluid delivery of his lines.
And wait until you see the wife not knowing what they will do.



And the knitted stripy demon outfit!



xx Lektrogirl

LAST POST FOR TODAY

Chris Rock on Rap Music



xx Lektrogirl

STILL DISTURBING

The way Mr Ibu grabs this woman's leg going on about hot tottie I find really disturbing. I know I have post this video before, but it reverberates in my mind.

And, along with that, please take a moment to view the many faces of Mr Ibu.



And another trailer "where everybody dey mad".



xx Lektrogirl

EAT DICK

This is the same woman who gave us the classic line "mechanical jack rabbit for the clit"

xx Lektrogirl

PENIS POWER

Something Mum and I were talking about on the phone made me think of this old video and send her the link. So, lets go back in time and watch this video and reminisce about one of the greatest moments in YouTube history.



"Mechanical jack-rabbit for the clit"

xx Lektrogirl

GRIS GRIS ANS

Just a sketch and something to do this evening.



To quote The G.A.: "Maaate, Never give in!"

xx Lektrogirl

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Not for the squeamish. Can't stop thinking about it.

KILLING IT

ALO ALO

xx Lektrogirl

TWIN BROTHERS II

Tonight I'm at Mrs Kipling's in the well appointed spare room with ensuite. Usually I would be rolling around taking pictures in the nude but I'm not sure it would be 'right' for Mrs K & Co to check their RSS feed and see my bare bum in more places than necessary through their home. Besides, there is something not quite right with me: it's a cross between feeling like The Frenchman doesn't love me and manufacturing a self fulfillinf prophecy. I don't know why.

Anyway to feel better - Mrs K and I both have our woes - we ate spaghetti bolognaise, danced to ABBA til we were clutching our tummies with laughter and shaken-up-dinner-aches, made dog love to Frieda, watched some Nigerian TV about Twoface visiting a motherless baby hostipal and then made a string of Twin Brothers jokes until we got too tired and had to go to bed.

And dat's de bottom line! Hmm! Hmm!

Xx Lektrogirl

TWIN BROTHERS

A movie not to be missed.



And for the ladies



xx Lektrogirl

AMERICAN SPORTING LIFE

I hardly care about Aussie Rules, and only like Arsenal cause I live in that area. But I used to have an American husband [well I still do cause the chump still hasn't taken the papers in court... the most constipated procedure of my life!] and he taught me like a chant which teams were my favourite.

Baseball: St Louis Cardinals
Football: St Louis Rams
Ice Hockey: St Louis Blues
Basketball: He said I could have Utah Jazz

I don't mind because even though St Louis sucked major cock when I went there, Chicago was a lot worse. So the decision made for me sat pretty easy. Also, all the uniforms for the different teams are pretty nice colours.

The only reason why I say this is cause today The Cardinal and I went to Le Péché Mignon for a croque and coffee - check out our desserts:


The chocolate and orange one was banging but the lemon one was a total KILLER.

After having a total maximum gossip we went to the second hand shop and I found a Los Angeles Rams collared shirt for £3. I was so pleased cause I have an LA Rams Starter jacket already and the colours are super nice. And cause the Rams are one of my teams, I feel a bit nostalgic for them. The Rams were in Los Angeles from 1946 to 1994 [concurrent with the LA Raiders before they went back to Oakland] and then they moved to St Louis. Yeah well, it is really NBD but I mega into it.

Check out the LA Rams Rap...


Thank God the Raiders had NWA...


The Miami Dolphins might be the winner?


xx Lektrogirl

THIS IS WHY IM LATE

I saw this Cardinal and now I'm late. But I had a good laugh. And you probably just had another glass of wine without me. See you in a minute. The canelles were a fucking disaster. New oven needed. They were perfect on the outside, raw in the middle like omelette.

xx Lektrogirl

SHOEGAZER

Rewind to when I was aged 19 or 20, living in Hobart, leaving art school and working in the bookshop. Two guys came in and I watched them. I'm sure one of them stole something. They were acting really weird and laughing - total retards. I saw them out at a club or in the street I dunno - all the same vibe back then - and I ripped shreds out of the taller one. It turned out that he really fancied me and was only in there with his mate to check me out and to work out how he was gonna ask me out.

So welcome into my life everyone, Nicholas Dunn.

As he was my first love, of course I turned myself inside out for him. Also, this was the first time in my life I met 'the dark season' which happened on the day of the bush fires, but that is another story. We lived in houses full of rats with shitty landlords together, he would try and coerce me into jumping the back fences in the neighbourhood to go skinny dipping in peoples pools [err when they were still obviously at home], we would go and stay on his mothers farm and walk around wearing nothing but Wellingtons in the morning sunlight eating blackberries from the canes and saying hello to the sheep. His mother made the best mixture of tea leaves Orange Pekoe and something - I wish I knew what it was - and she was Hungarian. She was a good cook.

Sounds pretty perfect huh?!

For this idyllic life as I joined adulthood, this is the price I had to pay:

We listened to Revolver, Lush, Mudhoney and RIDE ALL THE TIME.



Listening to this makes me want to throw myself from a fucking bridge. But I was only too happy to be wearing oversized corduroy shorts, flannelette shirts and pig tails at the time. I have a Marjan Pejoski shirt now that makes me think of me then. It is the same colour as the Stussy woolly hat I used to have.

Nicky had ideas bigger than his ability at that time and totally not practical and 200% idealist. Someone had to pay the rent. I got a job.

Then we broke up and I had to leave the house we shared - even though he had no way of paying the rent. His sister left her boyfriend for a woman and his other sister was off in the jungle somewhere.

Last time I saw Nicky, he was in a hounds tooth suit looking pretty pretty good. But that was about 10 years ago in Tasmania. I would like to see him again.

xx Lektrogirl

BOYS BEWARE

RAMENE TA CHATTE

LA COMPILE QUE T'AURAIS DU OFFRIR À LA MEUF DONT T'ES AMOUREUX EN SECRET

So I got asked to offer my opinion on this matter for the French Vice - what song a guy should send me if he was secretly in love with me but never told me - and you can read the whole thing here.

J'ai écrit:

Del Shannon - Runaway
Emma Lektrogirl : " J'ai entendu cette chanson pour la première fois alors que j'étais encore petite fille, et elle a provoqué des trucs qui s'appelaient "le désir", "la luxure" et "un chagrin d'amour". C'était la première fois que je ressentais ces émotions d'adultes, et ça m'a donné envie de briser des coeurs à mon tour - tellement fort que ma victime se saisirait de sa guitare pour chanter des trucs sur moi. Si quelqu'un m'envoyait cette chanson, je saurais qu'il m'appartient à la vie à la mort. Maintenant que je me relis, je ne sais pas vraiment si c'est très correct de vous raconter l'histoire d'une petite fille qui a commencé à mouiller à l'âge de 6 ans... Alors du coup, je vais plutôt choisir ce morceau là :


Kap Bambino - New Breath
Envoyez lui cette chanson si vous voulez la baiser parce qu'elle vous fait vous sentir vivant. Avec Kap Bambino, vous lui faîtes savoir qu'après ça, votre vie ne sera plus jamais la même.

Other contributors offered: Foo Fighters - Walking after you, Elton John - This Is Your Song, R.Kelly - You Remind Me Of My Jeep, Motörhead & Girlschool - Please Don't Touch, Frank Sinatra - My Funny Valentine, X-RAY SPEX - Germ Free Adolescent, The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You, Ride - Drive Blind, 10cc - The things we do for love.

The piece was put together after the guys at VICE France did this thing which they thought were songs that they should send girls. The selection is equally mismatched and horrible.

xx Lektrogirl

DANCE FAIL

OMG why didn't I think of looking this up before?



FAIL WEBSITE

xx Lektrogirl

CHOKING LAUGHING

If I ever feel sad again I know who's video to watch.

xx Lektrogirl

TEENAGE LIFE

OMG lolled me out. "Hello... I'm in my room... where u at?"

DEM BOYZ

FRUIT FROM THE INTERNET TREE

From Anne Laplantine:



Exactly how I feel right now.

From Martin Teodor Kraepelien [he is another one of the guys from Appareil]:



Also exactly how I feel right now.

And back to Anne:



WICKED

JESUS CHRIST

STOCKHOLM

Johan ska få besök av en kär gammal vän :)

I am going on a trip at the end of October to make good a dinner date promise I made to a guy I know there. I am going to stay with another guy, Johan, and his dog Nixon, to have some serious old friend conversations. I think I have known Johan for 8 years now. I love him. He was my witness at my wedding!



I'M SO EXCITED.

I had a bath a minute ago to soothe my aching back - I twisted it helping The Cardinal sand her floor yesterday. SUCH FUN!! Unbelievable!! I was lying there thinking about the maps, the piano, the snow... Dinner date will be fun! And then when Johan invited me to stay instead of recommending a hotel I did total cartwheels around my house. The BEST EVER.

What a result from a shitty day. Also, I have a card from the post office letting me know I have a package that was too big to deliver [EXCITING!] and I won all my auctions on eBay today [RIPPA!] I suppose that I had not been putting enough effort into fun stuff lately that wasn't somehow mixed up with a situation that was making me very sad. And I have learnt a lesson in a quick decision to do something really spontaneous and frivolous.

Now I must go to bed and dream about happy things. Like this song Cesca post on her Facebook page which is brilliant.

Jo-Jo - "Mind Games" (1982)


xx Lektrogirl

IMPROV GONE WRONG?

Got I get onto YouTube today and it recommends a video to me that is just like watching myself in another 10 - 15 yers... hell maybe 5 if someone throws acid in my face.



She has a better body than me.

I have to say that for the time being I cannot bare to look at gash being held open with craggy fingers for a fat husbands delight any longer so I won't be updating lameatnames.com for the time being - it will all be Valeria. I know that it is in good hands. I bet the the lady dancing in the video also has her own Flickr page. YGM.



She also does Haddaway what is love. Fellas imagine giving her a ride...

Anyway I'm cooking roesti right now which need my attention.

OH SHIT forgot to say - in the tragic mind of a sad and lonely blogger such as myself who can't help but occasionally tease someone. I am personally a big fan of Prancehall's blog just for the record even thought he hates me.

Anyway check this post: little-uk-rap-blast-from-past

I have to admit

Anonymous said...

the best things on your blog you nick from other people. lucky you sit at home all day surfing the net or you'd have no content at all.
2:12 AM

Was me. I was rotfling when I wrote it and didn't realise Pranny was going to have a little pebble in his pants over it like someone on the planet mu forum. I'm sorry.

xx Lektrogirl

YERRR

am90_burger, originally uploaded by marisaolson.

I'm so hungry I could eat an old shoe.

Oh yeah and today at work continued with further tribulations. The light relief was provided by talking about videos like this:



I mean FFS!!! 'Chrome Dome' YGM. Not on.

And I know it isn't funny or clever to swear, I can't help but refer to this track Move Bitch by Ludacris



cause I am so feeling it right now about a few people, piles of paperwork, maybe even myself.

I had a coconut macaroon today from Laduree and it was gross.

xx Lektrogirl

HOUSEWORK

At my new job I have been TCB - [learnt this from Bok Bok via Manara - Take Care of Business.] Basically, getting stuck into some long overdue paperwork house keeping so that I can get cracking with my job properly. So sorting, filing, researching, asking questions, updating computers etc etc. The people I work with are super nice and couldn't be more helpful - but for those of you who read my blog who have ever had a job [so that would be 90% the girls, 30% of guys who have had 'real jobs' 30% of guys who have kind of had 'pretend jobs' that were just like DJing for cash or something but it still counts - the left over girls and 40% men you won't get this] - you will understand that a new job is always A LOT; Working out if you wore the right thing, who will be your allies, how everyone has their tea, how long you can talk on the phone without looking like a slacker, can you install Miranda/Trillion etc... S.T.R.E.S.S. And of course, overcoming my Internet addiction and having to drink cows milk for the time being out of an ugly cup. [How long can I leave it before I can bring in my own china teacup for plunger coffee without everyone thinking I'm a tosser but thinking I'm cool and quirky? YGM?]

So the following song, Let There Be House, is dedicate to me and my new job.



This song also holds some very deep connections to my life back in Tasmania. When this record first came out, I bought the 12" and went totally nuts listening to it over and over and dancing all the stresses of my life out in the hallway on Mum's new carpet. I was in year 11 or 12 - so 16 or 17. I was the bane of Mum's life - because the carpet was so new and woolly, one dance session would kick up all the new fluff of the wool - virtually tumble weave - that she would go round clucking and picking up spluttering at me "Stop It!! You are kicking up all the carpet!! You will dance a hole in the carpet!!"

Listening to this song again now is a really great de-stress session for me. On top of the new job and the heartbreak over the Chanel lipstick really not being up to scratch, I had a fucking shit start to the week over really weird weird stuff that has also been on my mind. I just feel so much is in the bin right now - more like hard knocks from other people's misplaced weirdness - and like my astrology said today - 'just let it be like water off a duck's back' which is true, but when I'm super stressed/tired about a new job its hard. I went out to dinner with Max tonight and he asked me about all my woes [I cried in China Town - AGAIN! - FFS!! I really must be hitting menopause!!] and it was so nice to be sitting with one of my oldest bestest craziest friend 'chewing the fat'.

Something to look forward too though! I am going to Nantes to see Puyo Puyo and Eva on the 18th October for a gig there. WOOHOO. I don't know who else is playing but I am sure it will be excellent. I haven't seen them since I met them in Liege - the same night I met Lu and Bernd from Mash Gordon. FUCK ME!! THAT WAS A PARTY!! Yerrr...

SOCA

SO MY LOVE LIFE

ROTFLOL

xx Lektrogirl

RANK ALERT

WARNING



I said I wouldn't post another one of these every again but I couldn't resist. The other night after watching a plethora of cyst videos on YouTube and having Facebook chats with a nice friend, I then when to bed and called my friend for further conversation where he was continuing to watch these videos and describing everything that was happening in them - I was watching these videos by proxy! Oh what a happy heart. Anyway this one sounded SO GOOD that I had to get the link and sure enough it was in my inbox this morning for me to enjoy [I had garlic stuff olives and cherry tomatoes for breakfast with a cup of English Breakfast tea.]

Anyway if you don't have the stomach to be checking out the video above, I will explain briefly that it is someone with a tooth abscess squeezing the bloody puss into her own mouth. It is fucking RANK.

In other news, my big Saturday night was Mr Chips and I making Facebook videos for a number of friends. Apologies to those who received rather weird videos [Mrs Kipling and Cazza for example]

Night night beautiful people. I want to go and have sweet dreams.

xx Lektrogirl

THE SCENE

WHAT'S HAPPENIN' ?

Well not a lot. I have been working on a couple of websites, went for lunch and had the usual omelette at Archgate, photographed some tumbleweave on the way, came home, had a sleep, missed the opening ceremony of the Olympics, made a couple of videos for Mr Chips on Facebook, ate some guacamole on Dr Karg's Emmental and Spelt crackers and gave myself a stomach ache. Tonight I am not going out because it is the NEW SERIOUS - SERIES LOL - of LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT at 10pm. Not even the world's worst period cramps, worry about menopause coming and dying without ever having children will stop me from getting excited about that.

In other news, Archway station was closed today cause of a person under a train. There was one emergency response van, three fire trucks and about five ambulances and cop cars everywhere. Serious business.

xx Lektrogirl

ABOUT ME

xx Lektrogirl

BAR OF SOAP

It has been so embarrassing today. Every time someone comes in over 50 a really filthy song comes on my iPod. Today it was Bone Thugs "I'm too sexy for my mother fucking self and I'm going to fuck her in the ass as well" n Harmony. It was creepy like when a pervy sex scene comes on the TV when you are watching telly with your parents. Then I have to kind of creep round all casual and move onto the next song without looking like I'm doing anything suspicious. Cause then the next song will be something like Pussy Popping of course... My iPod needs washing out with a bar of soap.

But speaking of embarrassing, def not as embarrassing as that video that the two kids made above.

"Added: April 11, 2008 (Less info)
Just a video me and my cousin did...randomly. We're actually black.

We're WAYYY blacker than any of you bitches
Category: Music
Tags: Ecstasy rolling extacy ecstacy ex pills mdma bone thugs harmony music video rap black people white god drugs funny "

Errrr...

I remember watching movies at home on VHS like Tougher Than Leather, Beat Street or New Jack City and Dad trying to sit in on the movies and watching too but he would always give up in disgust cause he couldn't understand how all the black people were talking in the movies completely dumbfounded as to how my sister and I could follow what was going on.

xx Lektrogirl

ONE FOR MANARA

xx Lektrogirl

ABBA GO YOU MUG

For the record, I don't even really like ABBA but I have just really got into them when they sing in other languages. Also, it is kind of fitting - a lot of the customers today have been Aussies too - Muriel's Wedding and all.



Commendations to the creator of this video who has spent some time with the Windows Movie Maker software using every transition possible. Perhaps they would use OneTrueMedia these days - the method of choice for modern pimps.

xx Lekrogirl

P.S. Gotta add



Watching this does give me spiritual homeland vibes chills up my spine. You can take the girl out of Australia but you can't take Australia out of the girl.

I HURT PHIL

I hurt his feelings. It was a mistake. I can see that. I see his passion and his pain. Both of those things start with P. So does his name. But Philip sounds more like it starts with an F.



And today I am in the Shop sitting in the cool basement with my shoes off and feet up on a stool listening to ABBA sung in Swedish in a shirt I bought last summer and never wore and I went looking for some sandals this morning and couldn't find them and found the shirt instead. I had already changed three times but still didn't feel right but I found the shirt and my life just fell into place. I wonder if I can work Max's laptop to make a video like Mr Chips did? I hesitate only because I worry I will end up looking like I have an double chin.

xx Lektrogirl

MY DREAM

My intense sleep therapy is finally budging my cold. When I cough it doesn't sound like a have a lump of phlegm the size of a small octopus in my throat. The other bonus is that I have started to have dreams again. All the time. About all kinds of things. Sometimes based on midnight phone conversations I have had. Other times just random stuff.



I dreamt I was back at school with friends. I had been expelled but was determined to stay for as long as possible to learn more and eat the free food. As I walked up a hill into a forgotten building, I saw a man who had the most beautiful face. He asked me if I needed saving. We spoke very closely to one another so that I could feel his breath on my face. We kept out conversation secret from a short woman. I told him I did and we left together. Then we walked into a street market where there were strands of seaweed for sale. He had become a woman and was no longer the calm beautiful person I met.

The thing is, I keep dreaming about seaweed ALL the time at the moment. And it always looks the type of seaweed. Apparently to see seaweed in your dream, suggests that you need to rely on your intuition and trust your instincts.

As for the slug in the photo above - I don't think I would trust him. He was getting along really fast. Slugs are meant to be slow right?

Music I'm listening to right now:

R Kelly vs Ginuwine IN THOSE JEANS. [Two Homies for the homos.]





There is someone out there who makes this internet thug cry something terrible.

xx Lektrogirl

YERRRR

I can't take credit for finding that it was Facebooked to me today.

xx Lektrogirl

DELIRIUM / THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #10

I have spent the last days asleep, half awake, dreaming, imagining how I wish life was, dreaming, forgetting again, talking too late to randoms on facebook chats and now I am totally lost. I can't remember what I really said to anyone and what they really said to me. I would enjoy the feeling if it was accompanied by sore throat and sweaty brow!

I have had some really nice music sent to me [I know a bit weird but I was really into it at 5am the other night]



And I was reminded of some good times good jokes [I reckon I have watched this about 12 times]



I cried in Greek Street but was laughing by the time I got to Frith Street. Then I got to my street and delirium had started in.

Dad sent me another email:

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX.com]
Sent: 14 July 2008 06:24
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: appropos of sfa as usual except it passes the time talking to an intelligent person


One certainly gets tired of listening to the aged cough their lungs up, dribble, talk incessantly of their bowels, aches and pains, their children
who rarely come and see them, the 'orrible food, much of which appears to have passed thru a human body before,
(like mince on toast, brown, runny, smelly and sits on toast which has wiped a bottom . Suck it and see!. XXCENSOREDXX bloke sounds a bit suss? Not a criticism just a comment in passing. Knowing you, you prolly frighten the shite out of him? He might be a cock virgin? If you end up the duff you can always come home? I'll sign over my half the house to you so you can borrow some dough to start a business. DON'T GO BRAGGING THAT BIT OF INFO TO YER MA NOR SARA)D,H or i'll send a witch to give you warts on the private parts
Just eating a bag og Smiff's chips Original. BUT THEY AINT ORIGINAL because the original used to have twist paper with salt in, nearly 80 years ago. Jesus your old pa is getting a bit aged. Still God's Chosen, the Pope. is 81, He wears red slippers. I wonder wot colour his drawers are? Dpes the pope have to wipe his bum. or does he have a bumboy?Cheers Darling daughter. Try not to scare shite out of yer dere ol' dad. Keep safe. PaXXXX

Just for the record I don't know where The G.A. gets the idea about the getting pregnant stuff from! Totally random. Cause I didn't say anything about that to him! Jesus. Even my own father calls me a slut. But then everything I learnt about sex I learnt from him anyway. I remember him drawing anatomical diagrams in the columns next to his crossword puzzle for me. I remember also sitting in the dining room when I was a kid listening to Dad in the living room talking to Grandpa talking about all the women they had sex with when they were younger. They thought they were being really discreet but they were both deaf they were practically yelling at one another.

Okay friends I feel that if I go on, I will be writing more than I should and my astrology told me today to be more circumspect... LOL

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. If anyone wants to bring me some food please do.

NELLY'S CHANGED

Now I know what Thida saw in Nelly all along.

xx Lektrogirl

VOMIT

I have just discovered the most hideous video online of all time. I don't know how I end up there on the internet. I don't even know what this one is. Please don't watch it. I had a delicious cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit this morning and now I just want to lose the lot...

DO NOT WATCH THIS UNLESS YOU ARE CRAZY. Seriously. This is worse than the cyst movie.



xx Lektrogirl

A$$ TALK

What a bunch of raggedy ass hoes. But amazing song.



Nice ass / rims combo.

xx Lektrogirl

FREAK DANCIN'

From: khriskhaos2
Joined: 1 year ago
Videos: 25
Please login to subscribe.
Added: September 29, 2007 (More info)
Click This To Learn New Dance Moves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuG46sPc-LU
Watch That Video & Comment Please
http://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/FLAWLESSKBLACK
ADD ME ON MYSPACE!
This Is A 10 Minute Dance Tutorial That You Will Not Regret Watching.'
I have been requested by over 300 people to make a serious dance tutorial on how to dance for women. This video is for both women and males.. i know alot of girls dont know how to grind and are embarrassed to dance for their boyfriends so ladies u can learn from this because it looks even sexier when done by a female.

this will not work when done for EVERY single girl.. alot of girls don't find this sexy at all,but i guareentee you that the MAJORITY of women LOVE to see a guy dance this way.. it turns them on and it makes them wonder if you can move your body like that in bed..

The easiest way to figure out if a girl will enjoy watching you do this.. is to find out what TYPE of music she listens to..
If she listens to any music artists that mostly talks about sex.. that means she will LOVE to see you dance this way and will be wishing she was there to dance with you..
here are a few examples..
Pretty Ricky
Usher
Tyrese
Jagged Edge
J Holiday
Genuwine
Silk
D' Angelo
Justin Timberlake
LL Cool J
Ludacris
Lil Kim
112
R Kelly
Blackstreet
Bobby Valentino
Ne-Yo
B2K
Brandon Hines
If the girl enjoys listening to any of those artists... theres a good chance that she would love to see a guy who can do these freaky dances.

I Have A Myspace Page Too
www.myspace.com/flawlesskblack

MASSIVE JOKES

So, I just got a MySpace message from a guy who tells me he thinks I'm like the girl in Wearing My Rolex. I haven't stopped laughing since.

And as for the 'foxes' in the video - I haven't seen that much crushed velvet since 1989 and Cathy Dennis was fronting her own songs.



xx Lektrogirl

FAKE ASS NIGGAZ ON MYSPACE

And the latest from {Dance Pg}DEM BOYZ can get U(_)U FILL IT N



You can see that they are making nice use of the Window Movie Maker there. And also in this video as well!



xx Lektrogirl

THE WEIRDEST LADY

xx Lektrogirl

SUMMER SONG

Here is the latest tip from Sara T that I want to post on the first day of summer here in the UK and dedicate to all the men in my life - I think there is a role in this video for all of you:



xx Lektrogirl

HOWEVER

OBSESSED with this video of Amii Stewart performing Knock On Wood live and considering the possibility of learning all the dance moves. AMAZING top half to the dress. Don't think much of the handkerchief hem weighted down with gold tassels. I didn't really realise what Pop music was when I was little but I do remember my cousins who were all older than me arguing over a record and whos turn it was to play what song - it was some green vinyl compilation. Then I saw the video to this song with Amii Stewart and all the Fairlight CVI effects [an Australian invention just so you know] thinking it was so amazing. And then my cousin Sally Ann and I working out dance routines and writing the moves out on large pieces of paper and practising them for hours.

xx Lektrogirl

ALL OF US FOR ALL OF YOU

xx Lektrogirl

SUPER INTENSE

Watch the whole video - WHAT A TRIP!

Amazing.

xx Lektrogirl

I ALWAYS HATED CRYSTAL CASTLES

They always seemed really fake. And now I know why:



Lo-bat. is a really good friend of mine - he was even at my wedding with his girlfriend Wendy. Probably, if he had been asked he would have been up for any kind of collaboration or his music being used. A shame he didn't even get the chance.

What I don't get is why musicians do this - rip someone off so blatantly and think they aren't gonna get found out. There was some other Scandiavian twats who did the same thing recently too. I can't think who they were...

Anyway - if you want to hear the tracks that Crystal Castles have ripped off and ignored the Creative Commons license that they were distributed with, check Lo-bat.'s website. WARNING - complete chip musician nerd zone... LOL... Actually before I say that, Wauter [Lo-bat.] is a classically trained guitarist at some amazing school in Belgium AND a brilliant cartoonist.

xx Lektrogirl

DOUBLE SARA

You know it is going to be a good day when a YouTube video lands in your inbox from a mate in Denver miming a long to Betty Boop. Meet Sara T! I also received a random text from my sister [also called Sara] about contracting BV [gardnerella - ergh poor thing].

In fact, I might call my sister for a chat right now.

xx Lektrogirl

OLD BUT STILL GOOD

And some spiritual acid contained within.

Do you think it is true that Eminem is now 300lbs?

xx Lektrogirl

MARISA'S BOOBS

Netacronyms



Awesome. YGM.

I'm sitting here listening to the the thunderstorm outside wondering what to put on to go and vote. Then I'm meeting Venom at the Tabby Cat Lounge at 9pm for anyone who wants to come along for a shankfest.

xx Lektrogirl

SPRUNG BY HIS MUM

NOT GROSS

I really love this song and video. DJ Venom had something to do with it. The band are The Lazy Ones.

x Lektrogirl

NO, THIS IS REALLY THE WORST

This video is not suitable for minors, people who are a bit lightweight, or anyone who cant watch operations on TV.

It is seriously the GROSSEST THING EVER.



Someone's Aunty removed a subcutaneous cyst from the neck of their nephew THEN POST IT ON YOUTUBE. WTF I don't know. After the blackhead video from a few posts ago I was talking it over with someone on AIM and I decided I needed to know what actually a cyst. So I start to check it out. I regret ever searching for this kind of stuff.

* I NEARLY FAINTING WATCHING THIS - I HAD TO GO AND SIT ON THE SOFA WITH MY HEAD BETWEEN MY KNEES NO WORD OF A LIE
* THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I EVER HAD TO CLOSE A BROWSER WINDOW [admittedly it was right at the end after they had to tug at the cyst and hack the last bits off with a blade]
* 2 GIRLS 1 CUP IS A WALK IN THE PARK
If you are too feel woosey already here is the brief synopsis - a Mexican guy with tattoos over his neck has a giant cyst in the back of his neck and balls of stuff that look like chewed up wads of gum come out with every squeeze of the fingers of his loving Aunty.
LIKE WADS OF CHEWED UP CHEWING GUM

GROSS
GROSS
GROSS

Watch with caution.

Not only cause it is gross, but because you may develop an addiction like me to check out more of these kind of videos. I'm not going to post any more on my blog I promise BUT there was one guy who post a video and story about the cyst on his face that he popped, [from his post:] "It ended up getting infected, and my stepdad, who's a doctor, gave me the leftover antibiotics from the dog, cause I don't have any health insurance. They didn't really help and a few days later my face got TOTALLY infected. I could barely open my right eye cause it was so swollen and the muscles in the right side of my face wouldn't work. I ended up with a REALLY bad staph infection, and had to be put on the strongest antibiotics you can get without going to the hospital and getting an IV."

It's here if you really need to see it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CaCSPhXZwU

Anyway - this is the last that I will say on the matter. Cause I actually am very squeamish.

xx Lektrogirl

NOT SUITABLE WITH A HANGOVER

As I have said many times before - Ramiro sends me the best YouTube videos.

This one I found on my own. Listen to the obsessions of the people involved.



I am now going to go an puke in a bucket for about three hours. 2 Girls 1 Cup might be more explicit, but in terms of grossness, it has NOTHING on this cause this cannot be faked. It is like 2000 VICE magazine gross jars rolled into one video.

xx Lektrogirl

Can I just reiterate again I feel so sick.

ANNE LAPLANTINE

I had dinner at Anne's house in Berlin once. We had fish and potatoes. She played a record that was just one sonic tone for about 3 minutes and told us it was her idea of a pop song. I was very curious about her house that was covered in post it notes labelling everything with it's German name. I am still curious about Anne.

You can read her livejournal here an apple is a computer which I infrequently spy on.

Alternatively you can look at some of her videos below.



xx Lektrogirl

DEM BOYZ can get U(_)U FILL IT N's

So what is up with my boys {Dance Pg}DEM BOYZ can get U(_)U FILL IT N's ?



Like a bird, even with that plaster cast.

Hideous stomach cramps are stopping me from writing more right now.

xx Lektrogirl

WHAT'S MY NAME

And before I knock off for the evening, I will leave you all with a touch of class. The Hot 8 Brass Band with a track from the classiest man on earth, Ess Enn Ohh Ohh Pee Dee Ohh Double Gee.



And if I might also suggest you check out this fat black men huffing and puffing their way with their ever so excellent embrasure* to Sexual Healing.

xx Lektrogirl

* FYI for those of you who don't know, I learnt the euphonium and French horn as a child. And the piano and the cello.

Love Synchronicity

Max and I are OBSESSED with this song. Whenever I have a wee when I am visiting Max, we play this or 'Get Ready' by Carol Hitchcock cause Max weirds would when he can hear people pissing.

xx Lektrogirl

DON'T MENTION THE WAR

xx Lektrogirl

STRANGE IDEA OF LOVE

So I made a new video - this time of Pippa's band All About Eve Babitz. One night they performed at Paul Gorman's Lost Society party and Superduck and I filmed it. And another night I chased Pippa around Soho and then left it a few months. Finally yesterday I edited it all together.

This is my favourite All About Eve Babitz song. And I am really pleased with the video. I was on the phone to Superduck last night while he was stuffing envelopes at his high flying desk job and he told me that to edit the video's we shot together would be easy. I didn't tell him that I was actually trying to sync the live performance to an MP3 studio track and that the songs were at different tempos. FYI Nick Abrahams. Then he went on to tell me about bee keeping in Iceland.

xx Lektrogirl

DJ VENOM'S NEW HIT SONG

That is him on the mic. He had a bit of help from the Ruff Sqwad though.

xx Lektrogirl

THE RESULT

Hardly worth it, but here it is now on YouTube:



This is the finished version of my new video for the fairly old track called louloulou [all my songs started with names like that] while it was just an MP3 but now it is a finished thing, the name is THE RESULT.

All that hex editing was hardly worth the RSI for what it achieved, but where it is most obvious I think it looks really nice.

Anyway, my sub-editor Alex T - who has now been usurped for a Firefox plug in [and AUSTRALIAN dictionary no less and the occasional French when I need to switch it on] - can take all the credit for the posting of this song online. If he hadn't made me cry over dinner then this may have never happened. Max and I were just discussing what a well dressed man Alex T is - I can't think of anyone in real life other than Max who dresses better. I watched Max iron his shirts, pyjamas, boxer shorts AND SOCKS today. Have I told anyone recently how much I love Max? Well I hope Alex at least doesn't hate what I made.

I did an online proficiency test for my French language skills and apparently I am Intermediate. Which surprised me! I thought I would be advanced beginner or something. Lovely.

Last night I dreamt I was a prostitute. I dreamt that I met a girl from my college called Danielle and she had been a working girl for a little while and she was hooking me up with the place she worked. I had to go to this pier and there was a giant cinema with brass detailing all around the edges of the posters. In a secret panel of the door, a midget opened a door and threw a haggard old man out of his wheelchair into the street. I announced "I've come to see Danielle". The midget let me in and I had to walk up this cranky stair case with a moving partition wall. All the handrails were covered with really long public hair. It disgusted me. Then I got to the little waiting room area and realised I was in jeans and sneakers - not what I thought I should be wearing. Then I realised the other girls were in pink chavvy tracksuits. They lent me some jewellery to wear - it was an enamel horse. Then a customer called Mark came in who was one of Jo's regulars. He was wearing a thong made out of something a bit thicker than cling film. Thank God I woke up before I had to do anything with anyone. Thank God for you too cause I would have told you all about it.

I'm so tired tonight.

xx Lektrogirl

CHINESE EYES

I should have put this in the other post.

xx Lektrogirl

SOME OF MY 7 INCH RECORDS

Back in 1999 I had just come out of the Women's Homeless Women's shelter on West End Lane [just a few doors up from DJ Venoms house actually.] The council moved me into my new council flat round on Balmore Street with a single mattress, a single duvet without cover and a kettle and that was it. The start of my beautiful new life. When the money that gets paid out to people who were in my situation, which at that time was about 1200 quid to fully decorate their apartment [cooker, fridge, saucepans, curtains, chairs, table etc] I chose to ignore all of that on my shopping list and go to MicroAnvika and get a Tangerine iMac for 999 pounds. I bought a table from IKEA and a chair. And then I took over my own website. Monsieur Raide had started on for me already but I wanted to make stuff myself. Everything I learnt about the Internet and computers was from a string of Internet boyfriends - I ICQ'd my way into the hearts of many nerds. And it really helped that I had a record out on Rephlex too.

During that time, I started collecting 7" records. I now have hundreds. It was great when I met Foul Play Fowler [that you might know as Nervous Stephen] because we used to go on 7" record shopping dates and then DJ together at The Dog Star on Sunday afternoons. God - I will never forget the number of crack heads that would come in and start freaking in the middle of everyone else having a Sunday lunch.

So below is some recycled content from my old website probably first online in about 2001. A shame that the Shorditch Whore joke is still exactly the same with the clothes and everything. And I have added a few YouTube videos to bring us up to date to Web2.0.




It is not often that a girl would find seven inches lasting three and a half minutes anywhere near satisfying - unless it is made with vinyl and comes with a picture cover



KOTO : Jabdah (1986) and Japanese war game (1983) Italian euro pop from the mid eighties. The cover art is credited to Al Porta. Both sleeves come with "dj information" - Jabdah is 117bpm for example. The tracks themselves echo the futuristic hi tech covers but don't be fooled into thinking that they show any kind of Kraftwerk electro type futurism. Jabdah for example sounds more like something you would find on an album of library music described as "modern, uplifting, punchy" but with a few vocals written by someone who barely understands English and spoken by someone that never heard English. Japanese War Game give a very vague nod to computer sounds that appear to be in some sort of conversation but I wouldn't like to push that notion too far.


RIGHEIRA: vamos a la playa (1983)
Italo - thin synths, not quite in time drums - inane lyrics This is one of the times you take a risk on the cover alone and are rewarded with a great treasure. The title translates as "Let's go to the beach" and from knowing that and looking at the cover you kind of get what Righeira are about. Their follow up single "No Tengo Dinero (We've got no money)" sounds almost identical but it doesn't matter, it is just an excuse to keep drinking sangria all summer. Drx from Bodenstandig 2000 promised me that their next album cover will look just like this but it will have Drx and Bern on the front dressed as soldiers from WWII
1Kr from the Record Palace in Stockholm


J.J. FAD: supersonic (1988) and way out (1988)
Girl rap produced by Dr Dre and Easy E - quite pop
Well the cover of the J.J. Fad album and these two 7" sleeves are all from the same photo shoot but the girls look great. They manage to slag off Salt and Pepa in one of their tracks. My favourite track they did though is "Blame it on the music" from their album that has a great little talking section between one of the girls and a guy about learning to dance "I don't believe it! I'm dancing!!"
Supersonic was £2.50. I paid US$8.50 for Way Out and it wasn't really worth it.


DAIMYO: electric dance (1984)
deluded Michael Jackson fan. The lyrics are "the Jackson Five should be the Jackson Six" with different Jackson hits in the mix. A poor substitute for the real thing, but now that Michael is entirely prosthetic maybe Daimyo has a place in the real world after all.
5Kr from some shop in Stockholm that smelt like pee.



THE FLIRTS: passion (1982) danger (1983)
Bobby "O" produced girl group
Now that The Flirt's look has been worked to death by every Shoreditch Whore and her best friend around Hoxton, Bobby Orlando's sound is also finally trendy - The Hacker even gives respect to him on the back of the album he has released with Miss Kittin. This version of Danger isn't the best - cause it doesn't have all the explosion sound effects in it. But the 12" doesn't have their version of "Love Reaction" that Divine also did for Bobby O. so i would say it is better to own both.
15DM for all 7 'hit' singles by The Flirts on ebay


BOBBY O: i'm so hot for you
Bobby Orlando singing and producing his own brand of synth pop. I have waited over 8 years to own a copy of this 7" after a friend gave me a cassette she nicked from Woolworths bargain bin. This is a Belgian version of the 7". The lyrics are banal and Bobby O thinks he sounds like Elvis. Great cow bells and synth but as for the girl on the cover - MINGER.
PET SHOP BOYS: west end girls
pet shop boys produced by Bobby O before they got the vocal delivery right. B-side is an amazing track "pet shop boys" that sounds like it was cut with scissors.
MY TWO MOST COVETED RECORDS - price DONT ASK



NEW EDITION: popcorn love (1983) and candy girl
boy band sound like they have been singing whilst sucking helium - produced by Maurice Starr and Arthur Baker The picture disc and poster sleeve for the two tracks are form the same photo shoot but there are a few important points to note. The major one is that Bobby Brown is the only one wearing squeaky clean 'sneaks' and has all the chains so maybe he was getting paid even from back then. The poster for Popcorn Love folds out with the same photo from the cover, but there it is easier to see the pubic hair that was printed onto all the artwork. I just wonder who's it is as New Edition on these records sound as though they are yet to hit puberty.
Popcorn Love was £1.50 and Candy Girl was £3


I wish the real song was on YouTube but watch this instead.

SIDNEY: let's break
let me hand over to my operations manager and dear dear friend Soby to explain this record
"about the jpeg..... it's really great and funny. the guy on the first is come directly from my children time i was a tv show called H.I.P H.O.P on the French TV with 80's tunes and first hip-hop tunes. i'm really a big fan of his show. and in this show. it's the first where i can see Madonna like a dancer. 1or 2 year before her first album."
Soby really made me laugh the day we walked around in the sun and ate nectarines in Brussels and he sang "papa don't preach"
this record was 25p but now it is worth a lot more....


And this is a second best as well. The Clean Clean video was rotten.

BUGGLES: video killed the radio star and clean clean
Clean Clean is one of my favourite 7" for not only the cover but the track is awesome. Trevor horn is a brilliant producer - even if they had crappy video's. and the b-side kid dynamo is better than the a-side video killed the radio star.
I paid more than I should have for clean clean and I cant remember how much the other was. I have a few copies of it cause I really like the cover and don't like that it gets so trashed


LOL - I bought this from Black or Dread and the man put the needle on the record for two seconds and whipped it off. "You want it or not?" I think he would have also shanked me if he wasn't so stoned. The record by the way is fucking terrible and I only bought it out of fear.
It is Babycham and Foxy Brown.

A selection of records [some with nudity] that I liked for some reason or other to be bothered enough to scan them:


And the only videos I could find for all that lot:

Colonel Abrahms then


Motley Crew now. LOL - Imagine this for a whole set!
HAHAHAHAHA I cried laughing.

xx Lektrogirl

THE DOOR-ZZZ

You know that band The Doors? Well this story is about as interesting. And it kind of leads into something else I want to show you. Which has nothing to do with the last thing I want to tell you. Firstly however is a video for you to enjoy of someone enjoying The Doors.



[looks a bit like Vincent D'Onofrio if HE was playing the character in The Wedding Crashers that Owen Wilson played where he gets all depressed cause he thinks he has lost the girl.]

So here is my story:

My mother said "Oh that's great! What are you going to do with The Door. You can put it under your bed!!"
Do you wanna know how unwieldy The Door is? Basically, it is exactly the same size as a door frame and incredibly heavy. Really heavy hard wood.
So I drag The Door around in an attempt to put The Door under the bed. In fact, I spend the evening watching CSI and Law and Order looking at The Door out of the corner of my eye thinking "The Door is really long? Is it actually gonna fit under the bed." Indeed The Door was too long to get under the bed. By less than a centimetre. And I don't mean it hung out the end of the bed and I couldn't handle it [though if this were true it would also be TRUE!] I mean that no matter which way I tried, the door was too big, the angles were not right, there was no was I could get The Door under The Frigging Bed. At one point I was even jammed in the bedroom with The Door wedged between the foot of the bed and the door of the room at a steep angle and with all the strength in the world, I almost couldn't move The Door.
With one bruised foot I dragged The Door back to the hallway. I won't even enjoy cutting the stupid thing in half.

Now back when I was at college, people who were into The Doors dressed like this:

Only fast forward to No Hate in 08 and dudes who dress like this - what are they listening to? Well this guy listens to DUBSTEP!! Wow. I know this because he had a CD in his hand BOX OF DUB / DUBSTEP AND FUTUREDUB.
Look at that cardigan.
Look at how his feet are on not on the floor nicely in front of him.

One I rang up a number for a man looking for a woman to go on a date with on an investigatory dare from C.I.B. I wasn't dating anyone and she was with Hot Dog. We picked a guy from The Guide weekly listing thing. So I called and listened to the guy's message he left for me. "Hi I'm blah blah years old. I work at Skoob, which is a bookshop. And I'm going bald, but I don't CARE." We didn't go on a date. Anyway, I imagine at the time that Baldy Skoob man looked like the Dubstep Man.

I'm cooking a fish supper for three wimmin tomorrow night. I have big plans. Let's hope I fair well. Mussels, chermoula and amaretti... Let me leave you with a wimmin's issue, a Chick With A Gun, Pippa Brooks giving it her best shot [literally]:

Pippa looks so much like Detective Calleigh Duquesne from CSI: Miami. And yeah - she hits the bullseye.


Oh and a cool Paris sticker I bought in Paris once years ago.

xx Lektrogirl