WEB SLUGS

Here is a reproduction of a webpage that I made some years ago about how to eradicate slugs featuring Paul B. Davis.

SLUGS - rid your garden of these foul pests!


check the newly transplanted herb garden, featuring mint and bay leaves.


but shit, we got a problem. it seems we aren't the only ones enjoying nature. someone UNINVITED is eating the sweet leaves through the night.


okay players, education certainly is the key and this cracker is here to show you what to do with some about the house ingredients.


all you need is a bottle of stale flat beer. any brand will do but we have chosen one that is the favourite of lazy fat lay-abouts.
then fill a bowl with this beer and leave it in the garden a small distace from the ravaged plants.


THE NEXT DAY. the little fuckers had their last party and drunk themselves to a grim death.


CHECK IT OUT CHICKY BABES!! [tm] - daisy d


the head count after just 12 hours is roughly 21 slugs and two snails. you can leave the beer a little longer but be warned too long and it turns to a stinky rotten pool of yuck.


and so back to enjoying the garden like a hero with a fresh bottle of beer.

Anyway - this photo series is a set form better days when we would have jolly japes and do things like kill slugs.

xx Lektrogirl

BYE BYE

MY NIGHT ON THE RAZZ

A photo journal by Michael O'Neill.



I read the news that R Kelly gets off scott free.



Dressed like a washerwoman I pose seductively for The Air Commodore with my skeletal finger.



I ensure I am in every shot that The Air Commodore tried to take.



I have to pull the Photoface [TM] at least ONCE no matter what is going on.



And here I am with the guy on the bus I picked up earlier at the club. His t-shirt says 'work out'. TOTALLY my new boyfriend.

xx Lektrogirl

SHE BY LEKTROGIRL

An original composition from a few years ago with some video.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. and where I be at on the w-end

THE RESULT MP3

Oh yeah and I forgot to say, my track The Result is now available for download at my old buddy micromusic.net

The Result is the track I made with the video not so long ago [scroll down on the left there to see it.]

If you want to just hear an audio preview:



xx Lektrogirl

ALL OF US FOR ALL OF YOU

xx Lektrogirl

BODENSTANDIG 2000 UBER ALBUM

2008-03-08: UBER ALBUM mp3 release!!

The complete version of UBER ALBUM containing 20 tracks can be bought from these data traders as audio files:

FINE TUNES MUSIC SHOP
AMAZON US
7DIGITAL

Don't accept DRM!

And why do I care so much? Because my track with BioBern is also one of the tracks on the MP3 version of Uberalbum The story of Lektrogirl vs Bodenstandig feat each other


And do you want to know what that story is? Here is an English translation from the hand of Bern himself:

- - 8< - - - - 8< - - - - 8< - - - - 8< - - - - 8< - - - - 8< - -

Lektrogirl sent me her new songs recently. Quite bleepy things she made. Though in real life she digs disco stomp and stupid techno. It's her own fault that people connect her with Autechre and Aphex Twin.

"No", she screams desperately, "i want that primitive shit that really rocks, like Scooter, Pet Shop Boys and Bobby Orlando!" (Of course she screams it in English.) Her fans probably think this is a satirical exaggeration in the style of Mark Twain. But it's really true. It happens a lot that musicians are somewhere completely different from what their fans think...

This reminds me how just recently i sat on a meadow with a beautiful girl. She was young, unable to conquer her elegance and had a soul going over her ears. Around us raged a hooligan beer can party with punk rock and brit pop. If i was in love is not an object of this procedure and not of legal relevance until further notice. Love will of course not be outlawed and brings no danger to the new republic. The opposite: Used in a right manner it holds the facility to raise productivity and creativity of the individual, to strengthen the German economy against international competition -- and through this save jobs!

As a precondition it is required that in the future love can be adequately measured so the distribution can be done more efficiently and closer to the needs of the citizens. First, for security reasons, *they* will measure the change of volume dV and the angle (alpha) of all dicks in real time. Of course via satellite and with a sub-pant method and without a privacy-invading intermingling with further individual data.

Despite all this it can be assumed that thought will stay free, until further notice. To sum it up: At the moment it is not possible to measure if i was in love.

Anyway, this girl told me what music she likes, it was -- oh! -- Autechre and Aphex Twin. "Not that again!.... for sure also Kruder and Dorfmeister", i thought without any ulterior motive and i didn't say: "Yoo, me old buddy Aphex Twin, i call him my dawg!" However i said something like: "I also make electric music with my friend Drax and Mr Aphex Twin could even be called my boss coz it's his record label on which we released a great record and are going to release even better records." So much i would have liked to impress her.

When i played the record to her later she said a bit disappointed: "You make more somthing like dance music, no?" -- "No, not exclusively!" i said quickly. But it was too late. She even found "all girls move them body" really disgusting. So the impressing backfired. What up, this crank we already had in the 70s! Responsible people said "Disco sucks", if you valued yourself you despised rhythm and walked around seriously and thoughtfully.

I believe i was also intellectual in former times, but it was no fun. And the intelligent make as much stress and destroy the world with the same drive as the stupid, so why all the effort with education and aesthete, i ask myself sometimes.

And the moral of the story: Boomshakalak, me knows what i likes, it's ragga music all day long!

- - 8< - - - - 8< - - - - 8< - - - - 8< - - - - 8< - - - - 8< - -

BUT VINYL LOVERS HERE IS SOMETHING FRESH FOR YOU FROM THE BOTTOM END OF THE GERMAN FATHERLAND:


Bodenstandig 2000 proudly presents the 12 inch vinyl release of their long awaited UBER ALBUM with 8 eurostyle conscious home computer tracks and awesome cover design by otro in Atari Desktop Green! Get it directly from bio and drx!



Bodenständig 2000 präsentieren ihre neuste Langspielplatte: das heiß herbeigesenhte UBER ALBUM mit 8 tiefsinnigen Euro-Rave-Heimcomputer-Hits in einer äußerst ansprechenden Hülle in Atari Desktop-Grün von otro! Jetzt direkt von bio und drx bestellen!



Bodenstandique Deux Milles présente fièrement la publication de la disque vinyle de l'ALBUM d'UBER avec 8 morceaux de dance profonde, fait en style «ordinateur personnel euro». Avec une enveloppe impressionnante en vert «bureau d'atari» dessiné par otro. Obtenez-le directement de bio et drx!



皆さんが鶴首して待ったBodenständig 2000 の一番新しいレコードの登場だ：　otroがデザインして情趣に富んでAtariグリーンのジャケットの中に味わいのあるユーロレーブパスコンヒット8曲も入っている。UberAlbumは直にbioとdrxで注文できるよ！

Side A:

* Lichtjahre von daheim
* Das Atom im Videotextreich
* G33KC0RE
* Dudeldei (Heimstudio-Version, vinyl exclusive)

Side B:

* Plankalkül (Psilodump Megarave Mix)
* Die Welt ist voller Wunder
* Kanada
* Banker Tom

Limited to 256 copies! Order now!
Auf 256 Exemplare limitiert! Jetzt bestellen!
Limité à 256 copies! Ordre maintenant!
256枚に限られている！機会は今だぜ！

xx Lektrogirl

OH AND TONIGHT

While I am probably going to go check out Bok Bok and Manara at The Dolphin, don't forget that tonight in New York is the screening of the Nasty Nets Crew's work 'Nasty as U wanna be'


Travis Hallenbeck, "1.AVI," 2007 (:10)
Paul Slocum, "New Veriform City," 2006 (1:30) Michael Bell-Smith, "Video Created to Fix Stuck Pixels in Computer Monitors Recast (with Soundtrack and Sunset) as Video to Fix Your Stuck Mind," 2005 (:45) Petra Cortright, "webcam girl pizza party disaster cat kitten dog snow effects," 2007 (1:41) Damon Zucconi, "One Thing Comes After the Other," 2007 (1:24) Travis Hallenbeck, "27.AVI," 2007 (:08) Charles Broskoski, "Me Doing Pushups," 2007 (1:35) C. Coy, "Elvis Action Painting," 2007 (1:23) Travis Hallenbeck, "39.AVI," 2007 (:13) Paul Slocum, "Combat," 2004 (3:00) Tom Moody, "Hoedown," 2007 (1:32) Brian Blomerth, "For Kittenz By Kittenz," 2004 (2:08) Joel Holmberg, "Earthlink Halloween," 2007-2008 (3:26) Marisa Olson, "Netacronyms," 2007 (5:04) Travis Hallenbeck, "32.AVI," 2007 (:13) John Michael Boling and Javier Morales, "Body Magic," 2006 (2:25) James Whipple, "VALIS," 3005 (4:20) Kevin Bewersdorf, "Yes," 2008 (1:09) Michael Bell-Smith, "Hit By Bus," 2007 (:16) C. Coy, "cd with matrix," 2007 (:17) Guthrie Lonergan, "Popcorn," 2007 (:13) Travis Hallenbeck, "45.AVI," 2007 (:16) Guthrie Lonergan, Getty stock footage of artists (:24) Michael Bell-Smith, "Holla," 2007 (:48) Peter Baldes, "Paw," 2007 (:18) Joel Holmberg, "Lobster," 2007 (:07) Brian Blomerth, "Jazz Cats" (2:06) Travis Hallenbeck, "11.AVI," 2007 (:40) James Whipple, "Forum Catharsis," 2007 (:07) Peter Baldes, "Dandruff," 2007 (:21) Joel Holmberg, "Suggestion Slam," 2007 (:30) Paul Ben Davis, "Penguin Dance," 2007 (:48) John Michael Boling, "Electric Sweat," 2007 (:53) Travis Hallenbeck, "40.AVI," 2007 (:07) Travis Hallenbeck, "42.AVI," 2007 (:07) Guthrie Lonergan & Joel Holberg, stock footage (:12) Marisa Olson, "Net Optix," 2007 (:46) Michael Bell-Smith, "The End of the Internet," 2006 (:58) Brian Blomerth, "Stand Up," 2007 (:38) Joel Holmberg, "Brandon's Modified Palm Spin," 2007 (:18) Travis Hallenbeck, "17.AVI," 2007 (:24) Guthrie Lonergan, "9 Short Music Videos," 2005 (1:20) Paul Slocum, "You're Not My Father," 2008 (3:54) Guthrie Lonergan, "Sped Up Bob Dylan Karaoke File," 2007 (:28) Lektrogirl and Emma Davidson, "The Result," 2007-2008 (2:51) John Michael Boling and Javier Morales, "Blood Fantasy," 2007 (5:00)

Event InfoName: NASTY NETS at NYUFF - DVD release screening!
Tagline: As Nasty As U Wanna Be
Host: Marisa Olson
Type: Music/Arts - Jam Session
Time and PlaceDate: Friday, April 4, 2008
Time: 8:30pm - 10:30pm
Location: Anthology Film Archives
Street: 32 2nd Avenue
City/Town: New York, NY

Nasty Nets has just produced a DVD (with video & data for maximum pleasure!) and we're releasing it in a screening called NASTY AS U WANNA BE at the 15th (and final) NY Underground Film Festival.

Please come and enjoy, and get your discounted dvd's--$5 while supplies last!

Big thanks to RHIZOME for sponsoring the dvd & screening!
http://nastynets.com/dvd.html
http://www.nyuff.com/2008/index2.php?p=arc&s=res&fid=295

Nasty As U Wanna Be
EXPERIMENTAL VIDEO MIN INTERNATIONAL PREMIERE
Organized by Marisa Olson & the Nasty Nets with support from Rhizome.org

Identifying themselves as an "internet surfing club," Nasty Nets is an international ensemble representing some of the most active artists working online today. Together their work both celebrates and critiques the internet by employing original and appropriated imagery and audio, such as animated gifs, YouTube hacks, html cheat codes, and other found and edited material, offering a poignant and humorous take on contemporary digital visual culture.

This event will serve as a release party for their new dvd, which features videos for dvd players, copious digital files to be opened on personal computers, and a type-in website by Michael Bell-Smith. Tonight's screening will feature videos from the dvd and additional works by members of this 25-person crew.

Nasty Nets was founded by artists John Michael Boling, Joel Holmberg, Guthrie Lonergan, and Marisa Olson, and includes members Peter Baldes, Michael Bell-Smith, Camille Paloque Bergés, Kevin Bewers- dorf, Brian Blomerth, Charles Broskoski, Petra Cortright, Chris Coy, Paul B. Davis, Michael Guidetti, Britta Gustafson, Travis Hallenbeck, Chance Jackson, Lektrogirl, Tom Moody, Javier Morales, Paul Slocum, James Whipple, Robert Wodzinski, and Damon Zucconi. The Nasty Nets DVD is generously supported by Rhizome. Discs will be sold at a discount to NYUFF ticket-holders, at the festival, while supplies last. - Marisa Olson

USUALLY I HATE CHANGE

Yeah - I really really hate change, particularly sudden change. It really freaks me out. But, I have made a few changes to my blog you may notice.

<---- Down the left hand column
<---- Scroll down
<---- You will see a load of new menu items
<---- Including my album "I Love My Computer"
<---- To download FREE
<---- Links to my art projects
<---- And videos

I have more stuff to add but that is going to come eventually.

Anyway so too lazy to scroll and just want a quick click? You can download my album "I Love My Computer" from here for FREE.

xx Lektrogirl

SCEEN.ORG

The is a German nerd magazine the I have written for in the past that arrived in my mailbox the other day with a tour diary I wrote for the Divided by Zero micromusic.net tour around Holland. I had even forgot I did it!







The pictures aren't great but I think you can read the articles when you enlarge the pics.

xx Lektrogirl

THE NIGHT CAP

It is getting late - so here is one for the road.



Nice fluffy "public hair" effect.

xx Lektrogirl

THE RESULT

Hardly worth it, but here it is now on YouTube:



This is the finished version of my new video for the fairly old track called louloulou [all my songs started with names like that] while it was just an MP3 but now it is a finished thing, the name is THE RESULT.

All that hex editing was hardly worth the RSI for what it achieved, but where it is most obvious I think it looks really nice.

Anyway, my sub-editor Alex T - who has now been usurped for a Firefox plug in [and AUSTRALIAN dictionary no less and the occasional French when I need to switch it on] - can take all the credit for the posting of this song online. If he hadn't made me cry over dinner then this may have never happened. Max and I were just discussing what a well dressed man Alex T is - I can't think of anyone in real life other than Max who dresses better. I watched Max iron his shirts, pyjamas, boxer shorts AND SOCKS today. Have I told anyone recently how much I love Max? Well I hope Alex at least doesn't hate what I made.

I did an online proficiency test for my French language skills and apparently I am Intermediate. Which surprised me! I thought I would be advanced beginner or something. Lovely.

Last night I dreamt I was a prostitute. I dreamt that I met a girl from my college called Danielle and she had been a working girl for a little while and she was hooking me up with the place she worked. I had to go to this pier and there was a giant cinema with brass detailing all around the edges of the posters. In a secret panel of the door, a midget opened a door and threw a haggard old man out of his wheelchair into the street. I announced "I've come to see Danielle". The midget let me in and I had to walk up this cranky stair case with a moving partition wall. All the handrails were covered with really long public hair. It disgusted me. Then I got to the little waiting room area and realised I was in jeans and sneakers - not what I thought I should be wearing. Then I realised the other girls were in pink chavvy tracksuits. They lent me some jewellery to wear - it was an enamel horse. Then a customer called Mark came in who was one of Jo's regulars. He was wearing a thong made out of something a bit thicker than cling film. Thank God I woke up before I had to do anything with anyone. Thank God for you too cause I would have told you all about it.

I'm so tired tonight.

xx Lektrogirl

EDITING A VIDEO

Some people [like my nephew] have been having more fun than me lately. He's six and already burning round on a jet ski!

I found an old song Lektrogirl song I wrote that I doubt anyone has heard and I decided that I will make a video for it to post on my blog. I decided to have a go at messing with the video a little bit like Sven König has done in a few pieces and Paul B. Davis also used in a couple of his video pieces. It isn't hard - just mind boggling.


You have to search through a massive list and get all the hex numbers for key frames for your video.


Then you have to scroll through gangs of numbers to delete the key frames you want to dissolve.

A lot of it is variable, and can achieve completely different results. I'm at a point after completely the first round of removing key frames deciding if the means was worth doing for the end.



I found this cool video along the way though of Sven König explaining this sampling project that in a nutshell plays snippets of video triggered by his voice. He can explain it a lot better than me. When he gets to the live performance part though [with long hair to note!] there gets to be too much laptop face and lone German man on stage raving for my liking. However I had considered writing a post as to why Sven König should be my next boyfriend. Funnily enough, my ex said the same thing. Although Sven König ticks a lot of boxes for "my type" on his MySpace he wrote he is a smoker [before I actually saw him smoking in the video] and that is a definite NO for me. Even though Rami smoked. Or maybe that was just weed? Anyway so I won't be writing a post about Sven König being my perfect man any time soon.

You should however check out the Depeche Mode Personal Jesus video my non future boyfriend made. I really think it is great.

However, my first big depression ever came on a day that the video for Personal Jesus was first shown on Tasmanian television, there were bush fires and the air was smoky and the skyline was hazy, my boyfriend was in the kitchen talking about love and suddenly I felt like I was walking through molasses carrying a lead box. A few weeks later, my boyfriend took me on an adventure through peoples back gardens looking for a swimming pool to go skinny dipping in at midnight.

xx Lektrogirl

CHINESE EYES

I should have put this in the other post.

xx Lektrogirl

SOME OF MY 7 INCH RECORDS

Back in 1999 I had just come out of the Women's Homeless Women's shelter on West End Lane [just a few doors up from DJ Venoms house actually.] The council moved me into my new council flat round on Balmore Street with a single mattress, a single duvet without cover and a kettle and that was it. The start of my beautiful new life. When the money that gets paid out to people who were in my situation, which at that time was about 1200 quid to fully decorate their apartment [cooker, fridge, saucepans, curtains, chairs, table etc] I chose to ignore all of that on my shopping list and go to MicroAnvika and get a Tangerine iMac for 999 pounds. I bought a table from IKEA and a chair. And then I took over my own website. Monsieur Raide had started on for me already but I wanted to make stuff myself. Everything I learnt about the Internet and computers was from a string of Internet boyfriends - I ICQ'd my way into the hearts of many nerds. And it really helped that I had a record out on Rephlex too.

During that time, I started collecting 7" records. I now have hundreds. It was great when I met Foul Play Fowler [that you might know as Nervous Stephen] because we used to go on 7" record shopping dates and then DJ together at The Dog Star on Sunday afternoons. God - I will never forget the number of crack heads that would come in and start freaking in the middle of everyone else having a Sunday lunch.

So below is some recycled content from my old website probably first online in about 2001. A shame that the Shorditch Whore joke is still exactly the same with the clothes and everything. And I have added a few YouTube videos to bring us up to date to Web2.0.




It is not often that a girl would find seven inches lasting three and a half minutes anywhere near satisfying - unless it is made with vinyl and comes with a picture cover



KOTO : Jabdah (1986) and Japanese war game (1983) Italian euro pop from the mid eighties. The cover art is credited to Al Porta. Both sleeves come with "dj information" - Jabdah is 117bpm for example. The tracks themselves echo the futuristic hi tech covers but don't be fooled into thinking that they show any kind of Kraftwerk electro type futurism. Jabdah for example sounds more like something you would find on an album of library music described as "modern, uplifting, punchy" but with a few vocals written by someone who barely understands English and spoken by someone that never heard English. Japanese War Game give a very vague nod to computer sounds that appear to be in some sort of conversation but I wouldn't like to push that notion too far.


RIGHEIRA: vamos a la playa (1983)
Italo - thin synths, not quite in time drums - inane lyrics This is one of the times you take a risk on the cover alone and are rewarded with a great treasure. The title translates as "Let's go to the beach" and from knowing that and looking at the cover you kind of get what Righeira are about. Their follow up single "No Tengo Dinero (We've got no money)" sounds almost identical but it doesn't matter, it is just an excuse to keep drinking sangria all summer. Drx from Bodenstandig 2000 promised me that their next album cover will look just like this but it will have Drx and Bern on the front dressed as soldiers from WWII
1Kr from the Record Palace in Stockholm


J.J. FAD: supersonic (1988) and way out (1988)
Girl rap produced by Dr Dre and Easy E - quite pop
Well the cover of the J.J. Fad album and these two 7" sleeves are all from the same photo shoot but the girls look great. They manage to slag off Salt and Pepa in one of their tracks. My favourite track they did though is "Blame it on the music" from their album that has a great little talking section between one of the girls and a guy about learning to dance "I don't believe it! I'm dancing!!"
Supersonic was £2.50. I paid US$8.50 for Way Out and it wasn't really worth it.


DAIMYO: electric dance (1984)
deluded Michael Jackson fan. The lyrics are "the Jackson Five should be the Jackson Six" with different Jackson hits in the mix. A poor substitute for the real thing, but now that Michael is entirely prosthetic maybe Daimyo has a place in the real world after all.
5Kr from some shop in Stockholm that smelt like pee.



THE FLIRTS: passion (1982) danger (1983)
Bobby "O" produced girl group
Now that The Flirt's look has been worked to death by every Shoreditch Whore and her best friend around Hoxton, Bobby Orlando's sound is also finally trendy - The Hacker even gives respect to him on the back of the album he has released with Miss Kittin. This version of Danger isn't the best - cause it doesn't have all the explosion sound effects in it. But the 12" doesn't have their version of "Love Reaction" that Divine also did for Bobby O. so i would say it is better to own both.
15DM for all 7 'hit' singles by The Flirts on ebay


BOBBY O: i'm so hot for you
Bobby Orlando singing and producing his own brand of synth pop. I have waited over 8 years to own a copy of this 7" after a friend gave me a cassette she nicked from Woolworths bargain bin. This is a Belgian version of the 7". The lyrics are banal and Bobby O thinks he sounds like Elvis. Great cow bells and synth but as for the girl on the cover - MINGER.
PET SHOP BOYS: west end girls
pet shop boys produced by Bobby O before they got the vocal delivery right. B-side is an amazing track "pet shop boys" that sounds like it was cut with scissors.
MY TWO MOST COVETED RECORDS - price DONT ASK



NEW EDITION: popcorn love (1983) and candy girl
boy band sound like they have been singing whilst sucking helium - produced by Maurice Starr and Arthur Baker The picture disc and poster sleeve for the two tracks are form the same photo shoot but there are a few important points to note. The major one is that Bobby Brown is the only one wearing squeaky clean 'sneaks' and has all the chains so maybe he was getting paid even from back then. The poster for Popcorn Love folds out with the same photo from the cover, but there it is easier to see the pubic hair that was printed onto all the artwork. I just wonder who's it is as New Edition on these records sound as though they are yet to hit puberty.
Popcorn Love was £1.50 and Candy Girl was £3


I wish the real song was on YouTube but watch this instead.

SIDNEY: let's break
let me hand over to my operations manager and dear dear friend Soby to explain this record
"about the jpeg..... it's really great and funny. the guy on the first is come directly from my children time i was a tv show called H.I.P H.O.P on the French TV with 80's tunes and first hip-hop tunes. i'm really a big fan of his show. and in this show. it's the first where i can see Madonna like a dancer. 1or 2 year before her first album."
Soby really made me laugh the day we walked around in the sun and ate nectarines in Brussels and he sang "papa don't preach"
this record was 25p but now it is worth a lot more....


And this is a second best as well. The Clean Clean video was rotten.

BUGGLES: video killed the radio star and clean clean
Clean Clean is one of my favourite 7" for not only the cover but the track is awesome. Trevor horn is a brilliant producer - even if they had crappy video's. and the b-side kid dynamo is better than the a-side video killed the radio star.
I paid more than I should have for clean clean and I cant remember how much the other was. I have a few copies of it cause I really like the cover and don't like that it gets so trashed


LOL - I bought this from Black or Dread and the man put the needle on the record for two seconds and whipped it off. "You want it or not?" I think he would have also shanked me if he wasn't so stoned. The record by the way is fucking terrible and I only bought it out of fear.
It is Babycham and Foxy Brown.

A selection of records [some with nudity] that I liked for some reason or other to be bothered enough to scan them:


And the only videos I could find for all that lot:

Colonel Abrahms then


Motley Crew now. LOL - Imagine this for a whole set!
HAHAHAHAHA I cried laughing.

xx Lektrogirl