I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW

One of the things I did appreciate when I was in America was the highest level of customer service. Nothing was ever too much for the store assistance and they were never OTT. Unlike the Australian guy in Wild Honey the other day when I had lunch [sliced veal and green sauce, oxtail ossobuco ravioli and vacharin all washed down with a prosecco, clementine and Campari cocktail FYI.] He started to talk to me in posh Double Bay speak "What have WE got planned for the weekend? Are WE doing anything nice?" Urgh drove me insane. He ended up telling me about how he had been "Washing his smalls" on Tuesday...

So back to the customer service. This week I got some new glasses. Well I got two pairs cause I couldn't decide. I went to this place called Spex In The City on Shorts Gardens in Covent Garden kind of on a whim - but also cause they had a fireplace in there which looked nice. I want to tell the whole world that not only am I so happy that I DO NOT look like I went to Specsavers any more, but I received some of the best customer service I have had in London for a long long time.

Gillian Caplan [FBDO] is the optician at Spex In The City. Horrible website, brilliant independent optician with loads of choice and stuff you don't see everywhere else. I went in and said that I like wearing glasses and I don't mind looking like a nerd and that I like things that are quite severe and cartoon character like. Then for as long as I wanted, Gillian was making me try on everything in the shop having a good laugh at all the stuff she thought would fit the description, and of course would be the right shape for my eyes and the prescription. I now know what exactly what my prescription means and all the measurements that go into it.



This is the first pair I got - a Japanese brand called Yellow Plus. I like them cause they look like German lesbian glasses from the 70's and they look vintage but they weren't perched on the nose of some woman with a moustache when she carked it [Dead people's clothes yes, but not on my face.] They will look great with satiny evening dresses, fancy hair-dos and pretty things.



These are French and made by Bruno Chaussignand. The Cardinal said they made me look like Nana Mouskouri. Personally, I don't think that is a bad thing. But I think the first pair I chose were more Nana. This glasses are for when I want to pretend I am a Swiss New Media artist or Danish furniture designer and are for wearing with denim and desert boots.

Anyway - whatever ridiculous stories I concoct in my head to get myself dressed in the morning and justify my face - it cannot be argued that Spex In The City is one of the best independent boutiques in London and the best optician I ever went to. I also told Gillian I would recommend her store and service to everyone I know.

If you do ever drop by, tell her hi from me - but I suspect it won't be long before I am back getting my sunglasses all changed to prescription lenses cause I know the frames will be in good hands.

xx Lektrogirl

THE PARTY GOT STARTED

With thanks to Madame and Cazza, the following post rinses their Flickr accounts cause until last night I did not have a camera. More on this in a minute.



There was a lot sitting around and drinking and waiting for something to happen when I arrived with Mr Crisp and Mrs Kipling to the Antony Price PRICELESS / TOPMAN launch. It wasn't until I took the matter into my own hands [literally!! as shown above] that the action really took place... LOLZ! What a gorgeous thigh!



Max had been working very hard with Mrs Price on putting the range together and the launch to happen. Here he is with his ventriloquist dummy "Pippa" modelling an Antony Price suit which is part of the Savile Row collection. This suit is called the Joan Crawford. It is STUNNING.

INTERNET TIME WARP
Sorry folks I just disappeared into a hole rinsing this blog for MP3's and checking out all the amazing donut pictures

God so where was I?



Yes - back in another time warp. The DJ's last night at TRAMP were really fucking awful. Alex T assures me that even though he spent a long time dancing, the music was hideous. He stayed later than me. To give you a feel as to the kind of tunes that were being played [probably on CD and not vinyl] check out the looks on the faces of Pippa and me. Okay? I think this picture speaks a thousand words.



There was a lot of booze too at the party. Max told me that he had to walk home cause when he sat on the bus, he wanted to be sick. I'm sure he wasn't the only one. Cazza's Facebook status update was rather telling this morning!! HAHAHA.


Mr Chip and Mrs Kipling kept it real by smoking toothpick blunts all night which we circulated round the table like a bunch of losers. Pippa even kept a straight face while talking to someone or other in a suit and a quick puff continued to pass the dutchie on the left hand side. Why we thought this game was so good I'll never know.





And the night was officially declared by me "THE NIGHT OF 100% BABE HAIR"

As a child, my mother would never let me grow my hair long cause she said I never brushed it enough and I had to have it short [with a rat's tail - her only compromise with me] until I was OLD. What a crying shame as it is quite clear that I have naturally babish hair. Other girls who are worthy of this title are Manara, The Cardinal, Cazza and Mistress of the Goodvibes Universe.



I also loving Pam Hogg's hair. Back in Tasmania, my sister and I used to copy her clothes out of i-D magazines and sew them for ourselves cause we couldn't buy anything decent back then. This shade of pink for Pam is really beautiful!

And check out Mr Chips shirt properly:



As this picture was taken, I was giving him a wedgie. But don't we still both look so glamorous and manage to keep it together for the camera!! That folks is true style.

On that note from another evening from my fabulous life, I bid you good night [unless I find some other killer YouTube video or something a bit later.]

xx Lektrogirl

MY NIGHT ON THE RAZZ

A photo journal by Michael O'Neill.



I read the news that R Kelly gets off scott free.



Dressed like a washerwoman I pose seductively for The Air Commodore with my skeletal finger.



I ensure I am in every shot that The Air Commodore tried to take.



I have to pull the Photoface [TM] at least ONCE no matter what is going on.



And here I am with the guy on the bus I picked up earlier at the club. His t-shirt says 'work out'. TOTALLY my new boyfriend.

xx Lektrogirl

MONDAY 15TH APRIL REPORT

Have I told you all recently how much I love Teki Latex? I love him!

Today I walked in the rain all on my own through London feeling sad cause a part of my died today and it was horrible and I cried and I felt terrible. But SO relieved that all the problems I got are my own and not the weirdness of someone else. Anyway the destination of my walk was 55 Doughty Street - the old house of The G.A.



I also took a few pics of surrounding pubs that he had described to Mutts. The wind was icy and my feet got really cold. When the hell is the warmer weather coming?!

We all know I regularly dream about someone who wishes I wouldn't. Last night he was in love with my sister who for some reason looked like Jessica Simpson in daisy dukes and showing a lot of butt. I don't know how successful he would have been with her cause he was wearing a gauze nappy full of shit and rubbing himself against my leg getting a stiffy. So weird.



Time is really passing.



On a lighter note, I was walking up Tottenham Court Road with a certain friend who was going to pull something out of the oven for me and we followed for a while this trio of finely dressed chaps - what a bunch of faggasaurs!

The one on the left had the peachest butt I had ever seen - and his jeans seemed tailored to give him a girls bum. In fact what jeans were they? My friend declared they had to be Dolce and Gabbana cause 'a queen like that would go straight for the Dolce and Gabbana' [mainline obvs] but I was so confused - the label looked like those little metal plates on the Marc Jacobs bags... Can someone please fill me in on that?

The guy in the middle was like the third wheel on the bicycle. His clothes were like the look of the other two but recreated with ill fitting finds from H&M. Only he had a really nice bag.

Finally, the guy on the right had us in hysterics - what is with this heavy chambray style mix jacket with the shoulder shits with black leather gloves and dark jeans. He looked like a psycho. And the jeans... hang on a minute... "those jeans are from Celine and they don't make a men's line!" I guess he had problems walking in them cause he was as stiff as a rod all the way up the road, even when the guy from the far left came over and put his arm through his, not an inch of warm, not a leaning in, a bend of the arm, even recognition this guy existed. Maybe he was just so dead set to get to the 134 bus stop all the way home?!

Anyway - dark day - and check this out:

I cried today, walked through the wind and rain and was cold, waited half an hour for a bus that wouldn't let me on cause the machine ate my money, had to get a tube, waited in line to top up my oyster card and had no change cause I'd lost it in the bus ticket machine, realised the tube machine didn't take notes and had to go and queue up again at the window and talk to a man. AND DESPITE ALL ODDS - STILL A BABE - STILL GOT THAT PHOTOFACE TM - STILL GOT THAT VIBE - STILL GOT THAT BABE HAIR - REGULATORS!!! MOUNT UP!!

xx Lektrogirl

ANTM

I see the twins are posing properly for the pictures I demanded in return for these gifts I gave them after clearing out. I had some wigs too but from what I understand they already have quite a collection courtesy of their mother.

Who can forget such great looks as this?


Or even - who needs a wig when your woolley had has pigtails?


JoeJoe long may you reign.

xx Lektrogirl

RAMI

I don't have enough pictures of Rami on my blog, that's for sure!

xx Lektrogirl

OH WHAT A NIGHT!!

My Saturday started so well - Pippa and I knocked the VAT on the head, we managed to work out iMovie together [I prefer Windows Movie Maker FYI] and she made this cute little movie about nearly all the food we ate all day.



You might think that is kind of a random thing to go posting first when I have such cool pics to show you, but trust me - this is going somewhere.

So, after work Pippa and I knocked a bottle of Rosé on the head with "finger food" sized portions of chips at the Coach and Horses. Then who should roll up but the old 7 Year Glitch crew with DJ Assault.


Happy Days. Everyone has their best Photoface[TM] on.

I lept up and introduced myself to DJ Assault with a big kiss although I have to say I couldn't believe ASBO D would have the nerve to turn up smiling after the last time I saw him was in the Macbeth and he said to me "PREPARE TO FEEL THE FULL FORCE OF MY HATRED" with his eyes nearly bugging out of his head. I found it a bit sexual at the time. But more about the full force of ASBO's hatred later.


DJ Assault has both his hands full with our F.U.P.A.'s
Hard to believe but true, I had cracked DJ Assault up with a few jokes ranging from some smutty innuendo offering to suck his dick [and I thought Americans didn't have that kind of sense of humour!] and also explaining to him what showerface means. And Pippa has a picture to prove it but I sure as hell hope this NEVER surfaces on the internet. In this picture, Philippa and I are trying to hold it together after DJ Assault explains in secret what F.U.P.A. means - and there I was thinking he had said 'faux pas' trying to tell him he had bad French. Little did I know it was an acronym for FAT UPPER PUSSY AREA.


DJ Assault with All Dem Hoes
What the fuck I look like I don't know - I'm sideways and wider than everyone else in the picture. Philippa and Pippa have bonded after realising that they both have identical names - both Philippa Ann. Philippa found out today at some carnival that Pippa is Greek for blow job. I must remember to tell Pippa that when I see her next.


Like the end of a tin of Quality Street you always end up with an odd assortment.
Even so, isn't my ex-husband beautiful? Next time XXCENSOREDXX you wanna go flirt with him, you better watch out cause I look at this picture and it just makes me want to hate you more you rat headed sharp faced hoe.


Big Ups to DJ Assault for keeping it straight edge with a secret exlir juice that Pippa was getting the bar to make for him. I thought he was into milk, but he told me that he doesn't drink that any more cause he had to watch his physique. DJ Assault is so sweet and funny. I even got to see under his hat. He is perfect for cuddling.

See:

I've only got a little bit of a crush on DJ Assault now. But I don't really know how happy he is with me after I told him the girl on his t-shirt had no ass or titties. Tho' that didn't stop him from staring and my titties all night. He said he wasn't but he so was!

So after a jolly night drinking ASBO sped off into the night with DJ Assault and we [I?] decided it would be an incredible idea to go to Trisha's. I already had a skin full on an empty stomach.

From this:


To this:


I have to tell the whole world THANK YOU BRAINS and I'm so sorry for making those coupld of jokes you found too personal. You are my hero for staying with me until 4am in Soho while I puked my soul up. Then convincing the Somali cab driver I wasn't to wrecked to take me home.

This song is for you:


Anway fans and party people, the last time I was ill like that was in Tasmania 10 years ago and my mother had to take me to the doctor to get an injection to make me stop wretching when there was NOTHING left. I had been longing for my old days for a while now - thinking "Life was so much more exciting when I was 25" but I really know that I would rather be 35...

xx Lektrogirl

Due for a Weekend Workout

I'm due for a weekend workout - i.e. like around in bed for as much of it as possible. I've been working / travelling for the last 5 weekends straight. Bwargh. So tired.

Here is a little piece on the VICEland blog about Paul and his exhibition. It is written by Piers Martin. I used to bump into him a bit more frequently than I do know and conversation would always turn to Shop where I used to work cause at one point we sold Petit Bateau underwear in grown up sizes. Piers has a kids underwear on adults fetish.

Here is Paul the morning after his exhibition opening.


Then on Thursday night I went to some party with Brains where he was meant to be having a ghetto tech battle with Prancehall. Only Brains got there so late, he only played about 5 records. So I guess Prancehall totally slew Brains. Oh well. Prancehall totally invisible manned me [this was no air pie - he looked straight through me], everyone there was about 20 years old and I heard better DJ's in Paris and Hamburg, like Eurokai, recently so Brains and I went home.


Thugly - "Hey Brains - grrreat party!"
Brains - "Yeah. I think there is some liquid poo in my pants."

In the cab we shared on the way home, Paul decided he wanted to learn the secrets of the PhotoFace [TM], which I was only to willing to share with him.


The first sucess.
Me - "Don't smile for the camera!"
Him - "I've got boss eyes. I need to stare past the lense."


PhotoFace [TM] Improv.


Not a member of a death metal crew, but on his second PhotoFace [TM] improv. Double Fisting the "WEBSIIIIIIIIIITTTTE" gang signs. [TM] Julian Van Aalderen who can also do a phenomenal sock puppet.


Awwwwwhhhh shit!! The total chillax PhotoFace [TM] STRICTLY ON ANOTHER LEVEL!

Speaking of Another Level:

Girl you gotta know what ya doin' to me
when you're giving me your sexy thang,
Don't ever change what you do with ya body
it feels so beautiful,it feels so right
explosions goin on with us every night.
I cant hold back the soul with one in the whole,
You can just call me kid dynamite cause your love
sweeter than honey
Girl it aint funny, Got me open wide, world to my dollar bill,
thats where I'm putting my money girl you know

Chorus

You know its the bomb diggy diggy when we get jiggy
let me piggy back ride on it all night long, while i'm singin' my song,
all thru the hoody hoody wanna get that goody goody
You know it's the bomb diggy diggy bomb bomb diggy
Can I get some of your bomb diggy jelly jelly goody chocolate puddy,
wanna get a little bit of your goody ,goody ....goody, goody

Your love's so supernatural,
you got me chasin' after you
I'll go wherever you are just to tell me and i'll be packin' up
I'll be your journey man for love.
Travelin' from hood to hood (ghetto to ghetto)
Any place anytime cause your love makes me feel so good baby

sweeter than honey
Girl it aint funny, Got me open wide, world to my dollar bill,
thats where I'm putting my money girl you know

{Chorus}

so good) oh it feels good when your love comes down on me (so good).
You're blowing my mind. You got me goin' crazy (so good).
oh it's good to me (so good) whoaa oh baby baby yeah!

And I wonder if Brains played my True Steppers record and the Summer Jam one I lent him at Real Gold last night?

xx Lektrogirl