THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #25

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 06 September 2009 04:48
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: the cardinal and i at the spatisserie at the dorchester


'ere's me, walked passed the Dorchester 4 million times in my earlier days, never put me foot inside the door. Never had the dosh, and me father would have kicked me arse for having thoughts above my station.
No wonder that Cardinal is a mate. Except for being slightly thinner faced she looks very much as you do. Long hair, brown?, good looking complexion, etc.etc. won't continue. YOU will only accuse me of being a 'dirty old man'
Anyhow, the tucker(can you call food of that standard 'tucker'?) It looks fabulous. Seems a good place to move out of the daily tribulations of earing a living. You ought to take Hobart with you? Don't be mean. slip him in yer carry bag/large purse and let him have a wander. Sorry HER. W.K.O.F. name is Hobart for a female?F.C.S.
Got an Email ex Sars today and she tells me there's a parcell in the post, which I'll prolly get to-morrow. She doesn't know I know it's seeds so I can plant things to remind me of you lot. I have planted cuttings of Roses, Iceberg and Bridal shower for your reminder. BIG Sharpish tasting radishes for me. Can't tell wot I'm putting in for the kids and Sars till I get the package tomorrow.. The prickles on the roses will be for Pussie!.
Look after yorself Kiddo. Winter's on it's way. Keep away from any fukka who has a runny nose or is sneezing. Swine Flu is a bastard. Bad for yer health.Cheers from yer old Dad. Since The Cardinal makes you happy, say hullo to her from me.

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 06 September 2009 04:55
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: my cooking - macaroons


P.S. Your cooking you faggot? You nicked them from them from the Dorchester. You ought be doing Nigella Lawson's job on T/Vif that's really your cooking. Fark. They look delicious mate. Cheers again. Poppa.xxxx

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #?

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX]
Sent: 03 August 2009 07:58
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: your photos.


god luv us, you are a tall girl. And may I add pretty good looking. AND anyone would know who yer good lookin' pa is!!!!!! I'l try to print them off for my "Art gallery" Thass my eldest daughter. She's me mate. Put that in Diddong's bum and smoke it. Just come in from m y postrage stamp sized garden. Put a little wooden shelf up outside my window for the birds, water and a bit of tucker. Just like any silly old man does. usually when there are no humans with enough wit around the place , birds make more sense. Being a bloke and your father I've never looked at your legs as things of beauty. However you've a got a fine pair of legs duckie. And I've got a photo to prove it, Wait til I show them to the Bishop. Cheers yer pa,XXXX
Your mum gave me a bit of a warning the other day. "I'm not paying money to have you buried" Oh ses I. coon't give a stuff I'll be dead. So she is taking another bit off the one eighth of a pension I am allowed and saving it in a debit account. Got 2000.00 bucks so far. She will need about 6 thou. I told her to get a cardboard coffin and paint it white. No bastard would know it ain't cedar. only the poor bastards carrying it. Got to come one day. kiddo. I'll be able to find out what it's all about
Cheers mate. Keep on keepin on having a bit of fun out of life while you're young. I did so I cunt grumble now. eh?
Cheers. kick dingdong up the bum for me. I luv thr scrawney little turkey gobbler. LUVyer DadXXXXXX


> From: ME
> To: MY FAMILY
> Subject: RE: Emailing: P8010086
> Date: Sun, 2 Aug 2009 09:13:33 +0100
>
> These are from when we had dinner all the girls the other night and then we
> went back to sarah lee's house and played with her dog.
>


FYI: Gross about the legs thing from your own father!

xx Lektrogirl

WEB SLUGS

Here is a reproduction of a webpage that I made some years ago about how to eradicate slugs featuring Paul B. Davis.

SLUGS - rid your garden of these foul pests!


check the newly transplanted herb garden, featuring mint and bay leaves.


but shit, we got a problem. it seems we aren't the only ones enjoying nature. someone UNINVITED is eating the sweet leaves through the night.


okay players, education certainly is the key and this cracker is here to show you what to do with some about the house ingredients.


all you need is a bottle of stale flat beer. any brand will do but we have chosen one that is the favourite of lazy fat lay-abouts.
then fill a bowl with this beer and leave it in the garden a small distace from the ravaged plants.


THE NEXT DAY. the little fuckers had their last party and drunk themselves to a grim death.


CHECK IT OUT CHICKY BABES!! [tm] - daisy d


the head count after just 12 hours is roughly 21 slugs and two snails. you can leave the beer a little longer but be warned too long and it turns to a stinky rotten pool of yuck.


and so back to enjoying the garden like a hero with a fresh bottle of beer.

Anyway - this photo series is a set form better days when we would have jolly japes and do things like kill slugs.

xx Lektrogirl

LATER THAT DAY

Ahhh yes... two little lesbians. Me about 4 and my sister. This may or not be the same day that a goose but my hand. I have to say, getting goosed is really painful. Their jaw is really strong and they have almost got things like teeth. And I was just a delicate infant afterall.

I went into town today and had a look round in the antique shops there. Loads of old china [my new obsession] and in every corner it seems was another Golliwog!

Amazing hair.

I don't know what you are allowed to say or not in the UK about Golliwogs. I'm guessing nothing - tho I have seen them for sale in a special cabinet in Hamley's [Obvs the owners of Hamley's have issues. What do they think is gonna happen at night when all the lights go out? The Golliwogs are gonna race upstairs and steal Barbie's gash and make a Brats Doll?]


Before I get shanked for talking about Golliwogs I better start talking about something else... [FYI I used to have a girl black Cabbage Patch Kid and a white boy one.]Above is my new Paris brooch which is a little book with the postcards of Paris in it. The only thing that could have made this brooch better would be if it was scenes of Tasmania - then it would have had Mount Wellington, The Botanical Gardens and mini Mount Fuji, Port Arthur [where that nutter shot eveyrone], The Salmon Ponds [where they breed fish and there is slime on all the water and you can feed the salmon Twisties and they go crazy for them!], The Shot Tower [where they used to make bullets in the olden days], The Derwent Bridge [the day a boat crashed into it and people died when they drove over the edge of the bridge] and The Casino.


Then Mum and I spent the arvo gardening. I dressed for the occasion in a pale blue cotton sailor dress and leather gloves. I looked so amazing. I was out on the street pruning back this massive elm tree that was hanging too far over the fence.

Normally I would never allow myself to be photographed with my hair tied back - however this was for work purposes. I hate the idea of getting spiders in my hair. And of course we are talking about Australian spiders.

After hacking back the tree, Mum instructed me to rip out all the vine she didn't want from the side fence which isn't as easy as it sounded. I had to identify the outcast that was growing through the ivy from the jasmine which was also all mixed in and rip out the right kind. Then I had to rake the nature strip which sounds like something Swedish people do in the forest, but sadly no - in Australia some houses have the garden outside the fence we have to take care of too which really belongs to the council. Then I had to rake all the lawn where Mum had mowed it - and she is verging on being like David Beckham mowing the lawn in rows. By about this point I starting to feel very Christmassy and was thinking "Yeah this feels just like a normal Christmas. WOO HOO!!" I was quite excited. Then I had to bash in these stakes to tie back these plants. I told Mum I was going to whack her in the back of her head with the mallet for a joke. How we laughed. Then I had to use bits of rag not unlike Victorian strips [joke for Reu and Paca then! Good Times!] to tied back the apple tree. Then Mum made me cut all the dead heads off all the lavender which was amazing - the smell was incredible - not like a Granny's knicker drawer at all but really sharp and fresh lavender. I was telling Mum what a good time I had working in the garden - I grew up doing this stuff. I was really happy. So today for one moment I knew who I was.

xx Lektrogirl