Wednesday, 27 January 2010

THE BOOYAH COOK: GODESS

One day I will bother explaining the ins and out of what it has been like living with Bipolar Mood Affective Disorder [aka Manic Depression that most people use - albeit incorrectly] but frankly it is a drag and a drain IRL so never really feel like blowing the trumpet online. But today as a absolute forced activity to get myself off the sofa I decided to work on my cake invention recipe and perfect it in the aim of sharing it with all of you. I can say categorically that cake eating Hayley at work has nominated this her favourite. She can elucidate her thoughts on every cake I every made and everything that goes into her mouth infinitum so truss, yeah. She knows.

So after today's success I feel confident to announce The Booyah Cook has achieved some earth bound status - NOW KNOW AS GODDESS!!



Since then I have been with Sean Combs on a jet ski in Miami, making it rain up and down the strip in LA, my life is like a movie but if it looks like I'm having more fun than you then sue me. ETC.

MY CAKE
In concept is my favourite bits from different kinds of cakes: super moist vanilla sponge, fresh fruit, clafoutis-esque, lasts a long time. I have tried both a cherry one and a blackberry one. I think it will work with anything like mulberries, figs, fresh apricots or peaches, nectarines - strawberries would taste good but they would look rank.


Cherry

1] Grease a 9 inch / 23 cm (ideal size for BDL's) circular cake tin and dust it with flour. It has to be a loose bottomed or spring loaded tin or when you get the cake out all the fruit is gonna mush up.

2] Preheat the oven to about 180 degrees C / 350 degrees F

I would like to say "freestyle freestyle" but the science of silkience will not adjust [remember that ad or is it just Australian? Mrs G?] when it comes to baking cakes. If a recipe recommends a particular tin at certain temperature, and you change either of those things it will impact on your recipe. Maybe even instant fail you.

3] With electric beaters cream together 120g butter and 120g castor sugar.
If you never made a cake before, this means mix the two together until the colour changes to a lighter shade and smooths into a paste and isnt all crumbly sugar and icing any more. Can take anything between 5 - 8 minutes.

4] Add two eggs. Get on the beating again. Mix until the colour changes again. It will end up pretty pale. Takes about 5-6 mins after adding the egg.

5] Add 240 grams of plain flour and 1 teaspoon of baking powder. Mix it in with a spoon or spatula. Don't using the electric beaters now. The beaters will over work the flour and make it "tough" and you will end up with a loaf of flat bread. When you have mixed in all the flour, you will have a kind of doughy looking mixture though.

6] Mix in 6 drops of vanilla essence and 200 mls of creme fraiche with the spoon. It is still gonna be a doughy looking mixture. If you think it is too dry, add 10 mls of milk / water / alcohol whatever but not more.

7] Tip the mixture in the tin and spread it with the back of the spoon to the edges. Doesn't have to be smooth, just kind of level.

8] Cover the top with whatever fruit you want. You are going to bake your cake for a fairly long time. So don't put anything too small on it and the cake needs to rise underneath the weight of the fruit so make small slices of peaches or whatever. Try the blackberries first though. Awesome!

9]Put the cake in the oven for 40 minutes. It will most likely have to go in again. Everyone's oven is different so maybe 40 minutes will be enough. Test like this: Use a skewer and prick the cake right to the bottom in the centre of the cake. If the skewer comes out clean, then the cake should be done. If there is any goo, put it in for another 15 minutes.

If the middle is gooey but the top has turned brown, turn your oven down 10-20 degrees before shoving the cake back in for the second go in the oven.

10] Leave the cake too cool a bit in the tin before turning it out. Then leave it on a rack to cook completely before you dust it with icing sugar you sprinkle on through a sieve.


Blackberry

The end.

Yum.



The icing sugar will eventually dissolve into the cake after a while with the moisture. It isn't even really important to put it on there. Whatever you want!

BOOYAH

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 24 January 2010

TIPS FOR DIY

There are two very very important things that I tell myself every time after completing a home DIY project. And I forget every time when it comes round to do the next project. Let me share them with you and maybe you will benefit from this knowledge.

1] NEVER use the screws supplied for fixtures that are to go into mortar. The heads of the screw always "melt", even with a hand screw driver, making it impossible to get the screw in or out. ALWAYS buy your own screws from the hardware store.

2] SNOOP DOGG & DR DRE are the two best artists to listen to while performing DIY tasks. Their soundtracks provide reasonable aggression, humour and focus and put you into the right frame of mind / swagger to get any job done in minimal time.

Thanks for listening.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. If you have not cracked up at "I Love The DJ" by R Kelly yet, take a look on YouTube and you sure will.

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Saturday, 5 December 2009

JUJU

And no I don't mean the Champagne bar in Chelsea.





So, The Cardinal gave me the fabulous book Nollywood by Pieter Hugo. I love all the pictures of the women and witches and demons. I know how they all feel! Redwine and peanut sick dreadlock anyone?

SATURDAY! I spent quite a while reading other birthday presents from last week scoffing nougat and waiting for my cleaner to be 2.5 hours late which is long, even by her standards. I did call her to find out what was up and she was having a fight with her flatmates who all had electric heaters in their rooms and not admitting it so she was paying more than her share of electricity. The landlord came for a big meeting so big trouble in little Ghana.

Through the course of the day, I decided the best use for my completely luxurious and useless new Luella notebook calf skin bound and embossed with a mushroom, would be to jot down some of Dora's comments about life. And today I was laughing with tears in my eyes about Elizabeth the other white clear she knew that was so fat she has no shape and so she told her and Elizabeth complained to the supervisor but no-one cared, the old lady who had a stroke and the Jamaican threw away her walking frame and how Jews [the חסיד ones] wear shoes that are so bad that if you throw one, not even a dog would touch it.

xx Lektrogirl

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LOVE IS A WINDING ROAD



And it is a shame when everyone else finds out about it...

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 10 November 2009

SORRY


Sorry about that - I've have been off the radar!

But, I went to a big gay sweatbox on the weekend with some friends and found myself in the middle of the dancefloor after giving birth to Ed Hardy next to a guy in an Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt and three girls with a bottle of poppers. Spiritual moment of Mare Street and I find myself reborn.



The old me was in a terrible shape. I was a caterpillar of duvet and Namelesses old hoodie he got from the guy who ended up sleeping with his ex even though he said "Bros before hoes". I was watching endless cop shows nourished by cups of tea and phonecalls from my lady friends who wanted to see me through a dark patch.



The Italian, after coming over on Friday night and leaving me with a kiss and a see you later love and feeling all happy in my stomach, sent me a text on Tuesday saying "I don't need a new job, a girlfriend and friends take months even years. Please do me a favour and give me a break."

  • He was calling me asking me how to teach him something.
  • I had already told him twice "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now" [meaning HIM in particular but hanging out and being friends with him was super fun, though he didn't know that directly.]
  • And I have known this guy for about 2 years.

Then AIR PIE from him for the whole week after trying to find out WTF that was all about!

My cleaner Dora settled me down to a few home truths:

  • You dress like an African woman.
  • God took this man out of your life because you have everything - a house, a job, a computer, the internet, money, your things, friends, you are a nice person - and all you need is someone to love and care for you. He is too stupid to even do that so God took him out of your life.
  • You need to have more fun. Look at your friends [meaning The Cardinal cause she goes round there too.] She always is having fun. I see all the wine glasses. You need to have fun.
  • The man you are looking for is out there searching for you.


Then the two coolest people in Paris arrived.



Hobart unfortunately turned into a shit machine all weekend. Unbelievable.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 28 September 2009

LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY

I sat next to a girl dinner last night and she has had sex with a women. I
asked her what it is like to eat a girl out. She told me that after getting
over how gross it is, it is much easier than giving a guy a blow job. She
said that basically with a girl, it is like having a giant smooch for a
while. Where is with a guy it can be be really hard work and become really
mechanical and monotonous. Interesting! Can't say though that I'm gonna try
it out any time soon. The only pussy I wanna get near is Hobart and her cute
little face.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 15 September 2009

RIP MIKE LEYLAND



This was my favourite show when I was a kid.

Travel all over the countryside! Ask the Leyland Brothers!

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 9 September 2009

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #26

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@XXCESOREDXX]
Sent: 08 September 2009 05:06
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: MORE MACAROONS!


You could make a million bucks making macarroons like the ones in the email pics, Hotels, restaurantsets all the eating holes roundthe state,muckin fagnificent, mate. Even on the mainland. BUT w.t.f is a macaroon with pig init? IO have never seen macs with tomato etc in them.
I'm glad you told me it was a dog, I thought Hobart had gone through a sex change?
You must admit thise emails make more sense, relative to cost , for sure? My cost is at least $30'00 a month, 360 for the year, if I send you the money yeary the total saving would pay yer fare in two or three years. Nah. you'ld spend the money on a gold lead for the little free-loader.(free-UNloader on the carpet. Though I do remember the attachment I had for my Siamese cat (HYPOLYTE) when Iwas living on my own in Burnie. Also had me hound, Labrador, Sally. Effin idiot but they were good mates
They cot more than you think, when you add it all up. Vets fees, sleeping gear, best of foods. They prolly live better than us?
The Boss, Neree, just got back from African holiday. TODAY SHE GAVE ME A CARD SHE COULDN'T SEND THROUGH THE POST/ oNE ZEBRS READY TO SHOVE ABOUT A HALF YARD OF SNORKEL UP HIS MISS OF CHOICE. She coild be right. The old tarts would have had a heart attack, and some of the blokes a similar event, dying with envy. DISGUSTING!.
Cheers matey. Since when have you ever considered me the'boss'? That'l be the day you disrespectful shitpot.
\I got a pair of socks and a handerchief from the Sal Army. The card said You will be redeemed, for He knows your name.

He has to be pretty bloody good, mate I've had a few. Names that is, Johnathon Browne. John Alexander, Michael Patrick Byrne Long story mate. Stopped the law trackin you down. Sidestepped shielas who wanted to sue you for maintenance(maintainance)
etc.etc. Like I said, long stories, mate.
Cheers. Keep yer socks on. Treading in 'stuff' can be nasty. Luv yer. S'Ted Pa.XXXXXX. 3FOR U 3 FOR PUFFY BUM.


Subject: MORE MACAROONS!
Date: Sun, 6 Sep 2009 18:26:10 +0100

The dog belongs to my other mate Mrs Kipling. Her dog is called Frieda.

EMMA DAVIDSON


xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 11 July 2009

EAT DICK



This is the same woman who gave us the classic line "mechanical jack rabbit for the clit"

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 26 May 2009

GRIS GRIS ANS

Just a sketch and something to do this evening.



To quote The G.A.: "Maaate, Never give in!"

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 8 May 2009

PP AT 17



Today after work at the new place I dropped in on the guy with the Urban Jew-Do Paul Peroni [he of the perfectly balanced bobby pins] and we sat and had a chat about hmmm... concerning the edges of feeling comfortable within yourself... if I can paraphrase the whole thing in a one sentence summary. As a result of a statement I made, Paul said he has to send me this list above from Fischli/Weiss and I decided I should share it with all of you. If you are feeling unhappy and fucked after a week at work, it is probably because you are not living life like the above.

My favourite is number 6 - accept change in inevitable. It is a variation on a theme I like to think about and that it - it can be tough sometimes to change your mind when you are half way through something, but sometimes it is okay just to let it go and do something else.

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 17 January 2009

I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW

One of the things I did appreciate when I was in America was the highest level of customer service. Nothing was ever too much for the store assistance and they were never OTT. Unlike the Australian guy in Wild Honey the other day when I had lunch [sliced veal and green sauce, oxtail ossobuco ravioli and vacharin all washed down with a prosecco, clementine and Campari cocktail FYI.] He started to talk to me in posh Double Bay speak "What have WE got planned for the weekend? Are WE doing anything nice?" Urgh drove me insane. He ended up telling me about how he had been "Washing his smalls" on Tuesday...

So back to the customer service. This week I got some new glasses. Well I got two pairs cause I couldn't decide. I went to this place called Spex In The City on Shorts Gardens in Covent Garden kind of on a whim - but also cause they had a fireplace in there which looked nice. I want to tell the whole world that not only am I so happy that I DO NOT look like I went to Specsavers any more, but I received some of the best customer service I have had in London for a long long time.

Gillian Caplan [FBDO] is the optician at Spex In The City. Horrible website, brilliant independent optician with loads of choice and stuff you don't see everywhere else. I went in and said that I like wearing glasses and I don't mind looking like a nerd and that I like things that are quite severe and cartoon character like. Then for as long as I wanted, Gillian was making me try on everything in the shop having a good laugh at all the stuff she thought would fit the description, and of course would be the right shape for my eyes and the prescription. I now know what exactly what my prescription means and all the measurements that go into it.



This is the first pair I got - a Japanese brand called Yellow Plus. I like them cause they look like German lesbian glasses from the 70's and they look vintage but they weren't perched on the nose of some woman with a moustache when she carked it [Dead people's clothes yes, but not on my face.] They will look great with satiny evening dresses, fancy hair-dos and pretty things.



These are French and made by Bruno Chaussignand. The Cardinal said they made me look like Nana Mouskouri. Personally, I don't think that is a bad thing. But I think the first pair I chose were more Nana. This glasses are for when I want to pretend I am a Swiss New Media artist or Danish furniture designer and are for wearing with denim and desert boots.

Anyway - whatever ridiculous stories I concoct in my head to get myself dressed in the morning and justify my face - it cannot be argued that Spex In The City is one of the best independent boutiques in London and the best optician I ever went to. I also told Gillian I would recommend her store and service to everyone I know.

If you do ever drop by, tell her hi from me - but I suspect it won't be long before I am back getting my sunglasses all changed to prescription lenses cause I know the frames will be in good hands.

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 28 December 2008

THE APOLOGY


Darren Sylvester - Just Death Is True 2006

I lay on the sofa and stared at the ceiling and listened to what seemed like an apology. Was it?
My mind kept wandering with more questions I wanted to ask. He said that I fell silent. I said 'I didn't think I should butt in for once." As it appeared he was trying to apologise.
Well not sorry for what he had done I don't think - but sorry for how it made me feel. Apparently he thought I was mad with him. But I had another million questions. There was no time. I went through this all once before. I have too many questions. And like VaVaValeria says: I think too much.

And it must be true. A man in a long coat said it to me today on the corner of Tottenham Court Road and Oxford Street outside the station there. What is it with that corner? It is skanky. Who are these kind of weird hustlers there now? Two weeks ago there was the man following me down the street. And today. The man. He said "Hello!!" as he walked past. Next thing I knew he had doubled back and was standing next to me at the traffic lights. He said "You look so serious. You think too much. Why are you thinking so hard?" Remember that show 'Highway To Heaven?' It was just like that, only it smelled of chip fat from that Greek place on the corner.

And so tonight on the phone, I tried hard not to think so hard. I tried to let the apology be whatever it could be. But I hung up the phone and by the time I reached the kitchen, I had a list of questions trailing after me that I just had to leave like leaves I guess on the pavement. And let them turn into nothing.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Laser therapy does hurt [but only really quickly] and it is fucking BANGING. My advice is get it done. Results after the first session.

P.S.S. Thank you. You know who you are. Have a nice time and see you for a Flat White soon.

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Monday, 22 December 2008

VARIETY SPECIAL



I asked my niece today how many Barbie dolls she has and she said she doesn't know cause she has so many and she even has more now cause she is taking the old ones of my sister and I back to Devonport with her and she is asking Santa for another one. I feel a bit sad if she is taking the ballerina Barbie of mine that had the crown on her head and the biro moustache because it is kind of assumed in my family due to a medical condition of mine that I will never have a family of my own. It is just an assumption everyone makes but not strictly true. It makes me feel quite barren never the less.



I really want to tell you all about a lunch date today. It was another catalogue of minor disasters which seem to be par for the course here.

PICTURE REMOVED BY REQUEST. But thanks to him not thinking it through properly, all my friends would have checked out what I wrote about him already and seen the picture and wondered what the fuss is about. Oh well. That part, via Facebook, was his own doing.

Then I went out for dinner with a number one buddy [or at least in the top few or at least top dozen.]

Tomorrow is the last day of work before Christmas and it is just a half day. I'm gonna to wear jeans and a Bottega Venetta sweater. Then I will come home and write a blog about my trivial life and incredible fashion sense.

Speaking of which - I did a mini fashion shoot for my blog the other night because it is clear I don't buy enough American Apparel and Primark stuff.

MY FASHION SHOOT - December 2008 "YELLOW"










Missouri Sweatshirt - Camp Gay
Bruise - Nature
Denim Skirt - GAP
Yellow Tights - Fogal
Tinsel Earrings - Martin Margeila

Music - Them Girls, Zig & Zag

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Sunday, 21 December 2008

BOYS BEWARE

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Thursday, 4 December 2008

WHEN MEN ARE HOT

Gentlemen:

It is the time of year when you are looking your best. It is the time of year when you are able to, as we girls say "WORK A LOOK" with minimum effort and not looking like a wanker. It is also the time of year that you can commit a fashion suicide an realise you will standing alone under the mistletoe drinking mulled wine with tears in your eyes all the way to Auld Lang Syne and every other to the end of infinity.

Essentially, it is the time of year to have a decent coat, beautiful scarf, nice gloves, a woolly hat and proper shoes. If you just wear your NIKE bomber with a raggy doll scarf and some shit beanie from nowheresville you just look as cheap and tatty as the man in a suit on the way to work braving the elements in some grey nylon blousony style jacket affair he got from free at the latest conference in San Fransico about electronic cabling or something. Invest in the coat / scarf / hat / gloves combo and gentlemen you will be looking a million dollars.

It is obvious - a woolly hat [go easy on the pompoms...] - eradicates "bad hair days" or "bad hair lifetimes" if you started balding aged 20. Your face is still cute and fresh - you have just got over the 'seasonal change flu' and are excited about the prospect of Christmas holidays. Winter hasn't ground your face into oblivion. You look good.

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 16 November 2008

WHEN IS THERE A DRY SPELL?



I walked back from dinner and he said "Some people are just destined to spend their lives single." I was laughing and crying with snot and tears down my face I begged him to stop and he said that it was just how it is sometimes. I couldn't even walk any more and cried and said "This year has been so so horrible. Please stop. I can't bare it." And kept laughing too. Someone else said I was emotionally incontinent.



My mother called and told me she had read my blog the other day. Before she went on I had to hold the phone away from my ear and shout "No no no please don't tell me you've read it. You can read it if you want but I don't want to hear what you have to say about it." Which turned into a big conversation about how on evening at the dinner table she sat their with my sister quoting sections of my diary they found back to me with great hysterics between the two. I was so ashamed. I wanted to die. So it must come as no great surprise then that after that my boundaries on public and private are totally fucked.



I heard some great gossip stories this weekend. I was really laughing hard. I also found some BRILLIANT material for the Sex Attack video.

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Tuesday, 28 October 2008

MISS POPULARITY



-----Original Message-----
From: ICDSoft.com [mailto:accm@icdsoft.com]
Sent: 28 October 2008 21:02
To: XXCENSOREDXX@XXCENSOREDXX.com; XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com
Subject: Monthly overtraffic notification for lameatnames.com.

Dear Valued Customer,

Our monthly traffic statistics shows that you have already used 80% of your monthly bandwidth available for lameatnames.com.
If your site exceeds your current limit of 20 GB, you will need to purchase additional traffic credits.

The fee for each extra 1 GB of traffic is 3 USD.

You can purchase additional traffic credits for your site at your hosting account Control Panel -> Upgrade section.

If you reach the 100% of the quota before the end of the current month, your hosting service for lameatnames.com will not be disabled automatically.
However, your hosting service will be subject to suspension in case you don’t submit the payment for the excessive bandwidth used.

If you have any further questions, please, do not hesitate to contact us.

Thank you!

Best regards,
Account Department
ICDSoft.com

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Tuesday, 9 September 2008

1 GIRL 1 CUP


1girl, 1cup, originally uploaded by nirE cigaM.

Today I am totally heavy hearted. I mean - he's below your league you need a man 'you're a prick you were wrong' stand up for yourself and don't let yourself be part of the negative problem 'you're being an idiot' so amazing 'not impressed' you can make each other happy 'he won't make you happy' i love you 'you aren't attractive any more'.

Everyone - I can't keep up with you - you are driving me crazy! Which way is fucking up?

The answer to that is neither way. Because ultimately, I'm a nihilist.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 25 August 2008

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB #16 or so

It's a dog's life...




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 24 August 2008 04:57
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: Your unhappy news.


What a nuisance, for want of a better word. What stupid events has she perptrated to get herself in the dido? Nothing you can do to turn her around? XXCENSOREDXX If you were here in Tas then I could sign over my half of the house, then you could use it as security on a bank loan to create a busines here? Fark knows. Then again you aren't in a very receptive frame of mind after such bad news.
Keep pecking kid. it ain't the last job in the world.
Makes me think of Melbourne many years ago. Down to me last 8 bob. Bought a paper and applied to be Salesman for Dalgety's. Luck would have the Manager, Arthur Pattinson, ask me if I followed the footy. I answered , yes. Carlton. Arthur glowed and sai,"Good I'm a Drector for Carlton. Stood me in good stead for the next 12 years. as you know, or may remember?
Think lucky girl. There's always a bit of luck around the corner. Like you always say,"what goes around comes around." Mine is" Think lucky. You'll be lucky!" Though the golden eagle doesn't shit too often 0ut of the Lotteries. Strike me lucky. I only want a million to get us started'
See yer kiddo. Chun up and tell t.t.f.themselves.paXXXX

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If anyone else was having a bummed out moment, please feel free to take some of my Dad's advice for yourselves. There is plenty of The G.A.'s vibes to go around.



xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 12 August 2008

CONSUMER COMPLAINT

Dear Ms Chanel

I wanted to write a letter of complaint to you regarding two maquillage products I have purchased from one of your concessions recently, in Selfridges.

Based on the fact that the two 'rouge a lèvres' I purchased were similar to a Christian Dior lipstick I had stolen from me a while ago, I felt confident with the assurances from the marketing of your brand with the two colours I walked out of the store with would be more than adequate to mend my broken heart.

However I am bitterly disappointed on the performance of your product. My Christian Dior lipstick in Indian Red, even though was years old had maximum coverage, staying power and an intensity of colour that made all men turn in the street. Both lipsticks I bought from you - Passion and New York Red - are greasy, slippery, bleed and last about 20 minutes before needing another application.

My Christian Dior lipstick was not an impotent monkey dick or a weasley dog's dick of a product and I am indeed inferring that your products are both those things... in fact... maybe even of lesser standing. I rue the day I decided to choose your product over Yves Saint Laurent - which even if the lipstick had been of equal quality, at least it comes in packaging which makes carrying a compact mirror obsolete.

Going forward I shall never be wearing stands of pearls, linking my C's as I doodle on notepads while on the phone or considering getting a chin length bob with a tan.

Yours with a bitter fair well

Emma Davidson

P.S. I'm only bitching about the make up and not the wicked slides I have - they are still rocking!

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Thursday, 7 August 2008

WEB SLUGS

Here is a reproduction of a webpage that I made some years ago about how to eradicate slugs featuring Paul B. Davis.

SLUGS - rid your garden of these foul pests!


check the newly transplanted herb garden, featuring mint and bay leaves.


but shit, we got a problem. it seems we aren't the only ones enjoying nature. someone UNINVITED is eating the sweet leaves through the night.


okay players, education certainly is the key and this cracker is here to show you what to do with some about the house ingredients.


all you need is a bottle of stale flat beer. any brand will do but we have chosen one that is the favourite of lazy fat lay-abouts.
then fill a bowl with this beer and leave it in the garden a small distace from the ravaged plants.


THE NEXT DAY. the little fuckers had their last party and drunk themselves to a grim death.


CHECK IT OUT CHICKY BABES!! [tm] - daisy d


the head count after just 12 hours is roughly 21 slugs and two snails. you can leave the beer a little longer but be warned too long and it turns to a stinky rotten pool of yuck.


and so back to enjoying the garden like a hero with a fresh bottle of beer.

Anyway - this photo series is a set form better days when we would have jolly japes and do things like kill slugs.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 29 July 2008

SERIOUS MOMENT

The Cardinal and I spent some time tonight wondering if it was wrong to even go on a play date with a married man. I told her this is a question we need to address at our age as it will soon become relevant.



Speaking as a woman who was once married who was play dated on by her husband, I would say it is pretty tough when the news breaks. But then in my situation, the couple were actually banging. Which is why I got so pissed off. I am also one of the most jealous people on the planet you could possibly meet. [Except I had an epiphany about this yesterday and I realised I didn't want to be jealous any more and I spent today with a lifetime of jealousy about things just passing through me - experiencing it all again. Weird.]



I still remember some advice my best friends' mother gave me when I was 18 or 19: "If you can't get your own, steal someone else's." But that isn't a play date.

So play dates with married men - I don't know.



I just know that my love life isn't as rubbish as I make it out to be - there is some magic in the air - even if there is a lot of room for improvement. I dreamt someone was the archetype for all men last night. It was a super intense spiritual dream that came out of the thunderstorm.



Who knows what the future brings.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 21 July 2008

YERRR REALLY HIDEOUS

It is no secret - I have been really vile lately. To everyone. To myself. To one person in particular who I think the world of and I have been a TOTAL loser. To other people who I have met along the way and really wasn't thinking clearly. I can't scrub any of that out. I wish I could. But I'm so like Cher on a warship right now you'd be like confused as to who was who. You Get Me?

So what changed? Well having someone unhappy with me really wasn't a good look. But waking up and feeling homesick and hung over and dreading another day unfolding. It felt like a long time ago. I really thought those days were far behind me. The turning point came when Fambles came over and watched TV with me. I did nothing but lie there while Fambles watched some show about the pilgrimage to Mecca. We didn't speak. Then today was the cure: I got the opportunity to have a big cry in an office with a man I just met [I don't know why - I always find men easier to talk to, especially strangers] and then I scooted off into town to meet Fambles again and go shopping. It was so good to have some serious old jokes times on a spiritual level.

*******
I just tried to explain two of the best jokes from the day and one involved preferring to get AIDS than have unprotected sex and the other about a guy with a camo backpack who walked past us. Neither joke translates at all.
*******

So yeah, the storm is over for now. I've been a dick. I was totally why u onnu bad mind? Like totally getting your period in a posh pair of expensive knickers. The worst. [This did not actually happen - it was an allegory: i.e. ON A PAR]

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 19 July 2008

TODAY TAKE TWO



So Flickr is back in action. Well not so many pictures yet cause I ran the battery down taking 1000 pictures of myself trying to work out all the settings on Mrs Kipling's Leica. It seems to be a very cold and unforgiving camera.

I went into town - everyone was L'Orealing themselves with me time [because they are worth it] - so it was a solo mission. And at more than one point I felt myself to be like a helium balloon and having trouble breathing. I think that it is still my flu. I didn't really enjoy my lunch at the Nordic Bakery today and Ladurée left me feeling a little short changed.

However through the throngs of foreign students w/ colour coded backpacks queuing outside Abercrombie & Fitch [much to the chagrin of not only me trying to get to the Burlington Arcade but to the small packs of homosexual men in distressed denim, crisp shirts and aviator sunglasses who couldn't believe they were going to have to line up to cruise A&F] I decided a few things concretely for myself:

1] Lord Fauntleroy is right. I deserve better.
2] I'm banning myself from Facebook for a while. I've turned into a wasteman. I speak in LOL speak to shop assistants. YGM. Not on! [OJ LOL]
3] And I can't go on letting myself look like this any more:



JESUS CHRIST. I've been acting like it back like 1996 - 1999 again and that wasn't a good look then.

Having said that though, tonight is WORK IT and yerrrr DANCE!

xx Lektrogirl

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SPIRITUAL

Emma's Personal Hexagram:
21: Cutting Through

Saturday, July 19th, 2008
Hexagram 21

General Meaning: The situation calls for confronting a tenacious knot and cutting through it. Somehow, the way to harmony and unity is blocked or frustrated - perhaps by a tangle of deceit or corruption. Like Alexander the Great cutting the Gordian knot, take decisive action and you will meet with good fortune. Don't be afraid to shake things up a bit. The ability to take corrective measures, when they are needed, is an essential trait of true leadership.

But those who bring discipline to bear must, above all, be honest - with others, and with themselves. Honesty is the hallmark of the strong and self-confident. The successful person masters the art of honesty much as a swordsman masters fencing. When lies, delusions and game-playing are getting in the way of teamwork, a swift sword of honest action, perhaps even punishment, must be wielded to protect one's integrity and values. Decisiveness with integrity at a time like this brings good fortune.

Though your actions be vigorous, they must not be hasty, severe, or arbitrary. Be sure to carefully consider all the circumstances. In the case of a serious disruption of relations or events, you must forgive, but not forget - at least until a person has made reparation for his mistakes. If corrective action is necessary, make certain that it fits the crime. When rules have become slack and useless, only through the institution of clear and swift penalties can their effectiveness be restored.

In situations where serious issues of justice are at stake, keep careful records, and do not hesitate to go public with the truth.

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Wednesday, 16 July 2008

SO EMO RIGHT NOW



Jo Apps sang this tonight at Hot Breath Karaoke at my request. It started something deep inside of me. Which revved like an engine fuelled by double Frangelico's [my own plus the ones for Mr Chips cause he didn't like his mixed with coke] and the 2-4-1 Cocktails. I fucking changed gear by the end of the night when this came on:



And by the time I got home, Mr Chips has told me to "Fuck Off" and I was sobbing down the phone to The Twin "Ohhh my God I don't know what I am going to do!! His eyes are too close together!!!"

Already my hangover is starting to knock on my door. I am by no means sleepy after sleeping all day and not being able to sleep all night from coughing the last few nights.

Perhaps I should take the advice of the The Twin and just go to bed...

xx Lektrogirl

[P.S. this is sounding pretty tragic isn't it?! OJ LOL]

OMG and on a random note - Denzel Washington! I feel just like him when he is an alcoholic in that great movie - fuck what was it called?! I can't remember but I wrote about it before on my blog. I watched it with Seb in Hamburg. It was INCREDIBLE.

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Monday, 19 May 2008

AN AGE OLD QUESTION



I always ask mbrain the same question "Can vegan's swallow?" cause he really razzed some girl once asking her the same question.

We spoke for a while on the topic and I have now done some research on the matter.

So from a piece on the Times Online by Dr Thomas Stuttford [mega paraphrasing]:

The Oxford Dictionary defines a vegan, as opposed to a vegetarian, as “a person who does not eat or use animal products”.

There could be hardly any substance that is more essentially animalian than semen, or one that has such an animal origin, even if the animal is your boyfriend.

Even if you didn’t swallow, you would still be using — by your standards — an animal product although you were not consuming it.

anyone who interprets being a
[strict] vegan, all sex — whether oral, mutual masturbation or penetrative — that resulted in ejaculation would contravene your rules. This must be nonsense.

And Suzi Godson [mega paraphrasing]:

At Nerve, America’s coolest, smartest, most honest sex magazine (www.nerve.com), Tana, 29, a vegan for four years, navigates herself and her principles around this thorny issue by refusing to swallow “if the semen belongs to a guy who is not a vegan”. She has no problem with vegan semen and says that, as an aide to fellatio, a cream made from tofu is good.

Beer also sweetens the taste of semen and, fortunately, the big brands can be classified as vegan. Budweiser, Red Stripe Lager, Kirin, Cobra, Heineken Export, Hoegaarden, Rolling Rock, Beck’s and Kingfisher. Though beer isn’t the place you’d expect to find animal products, many are filtered with animal ingredients such as “isinglass” (derived from fish) or “bone char ” (charcoal derived from animal bones).

The filtering process leaves only trace animal residues in the final product, but if you are experiencing a moral dilemna about whether or not to swallow your boyfriend’s semen, then you sound like the kind of girl that this would matter to as well.


xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 7 May 2008

THE INTERNET



u

u u

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